I had a go!

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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:29 am

I was Arthur Figgis (of Python fame) and belonged to the Great Philanthropic Society:

Him:

Dear Friend,

Please bear with me for sending this letter to you surprisingly. My name is Mr Tijan Kabba a 23 years young man originally from Sierra Leone in west Africa.

My sole purpose of contacting you is for you to assist me to claim and invest my inheritance EIGHT MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) 8.2million us dollars depsited in a security company by my late father in Dakar senegal in your country or elsewhere. I and my mother have proposed 20% percent of the total som and 2% percent for any expenses incured during the transfer for you.

I am presently living in refuge camp Dakar Senagel with my age mother who are the only sovival of my family who was killed in my coutry Sierra Leonia during the war,I and my mother run into Dakar senegal where my late Father Usuman Kabba deposited the fund as a family treasure in a metteric sliver coded box.Please we are seeking for you assistance to help us claim the money and shift it to your country for investment.As soon as i hear from you i will fax to you allthe deposit document of the money with the contact of the holding Company for you to instruct them to shiftthe money to you in your country.

Wish to hear from you soon.

Bye and God bless.

Yours truly.

Tijan Kabba.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear Mr. Kabba,

First of all, please allow me to send you my deepest sympathies for your loss. In the world today, things seem to be headed in all directions and no one knows what will happen next. I am sure the loss of your father and your exile to a camp made things very tough on you.

I have no need for money right now, but would be very willing to help you in any way as my religion has taught me to help thy neighbor. I belong to an organization that may be able to help you. If you are interested, you could maybe use our help ease your financial burden.

Please write back if you would like my help.

Sincerely,

Arthur Figgis
Parliamentarian
Great Philanthropic Society

____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear sir Arhtur Figgis,

We are very happy to receive your mail response to us this evening and we will not fail to appreciate your acceptance on helping us to claim the money and invest the money in a good business.following to our previous mail we are in Dakar Senegal West Africa where we are living as a refugee under united nation Dakar for our security and where helples at the moment due to our financial handycap.

Thank you once again for your sympathies over my fathers death we are appreciate your concern so much and believing that the good God who send you to help us will bless you and your family.We need you to stand for us as our foreign partner, to help us receive the consignment from the security company where my late father deposited the money in a metallic sliver coded box as a consignment containing family treasure before his death. after you receive the consignment in your position you will deposit the money into your account and send us some money to meet you in your country for the investment......

Therefore, as you are willing to help us for this our present problem, we need the following information from you.

1, We need your full personal contact address telephone and fax number for our documentation and to fax the necesary documents to you.
2,We need your picture so that I will know you as my foreign partner.
3, Tell me more about yourself and your wide business knowledge investment.
4,for the procedure the transaction will need your present in dakar senegal but if your position will not permit you to come down, I and my mother we will go to the security company to nominate you as our foreign partner who will stand for us to receive the consignment in your position.

Upon the receipt of the required information from you, we will immediately fax to you the secret deposit code of the consignment and documents then Mewhile upon this agreement we have agreed to give 20% percent of the total 8.2milion for your Godling assistance and 2% percent for any expenses incured during the shipment transfer to your position.

Note also that immediately you confirm the receipt of the consignment in your place,You will help I and my mother to get our travelling document meet you in your country. On our arrival to your country, you will help us to get resident permitt, you will also help me to get admission so that I will continue my education while we will go ahead on a joint business ventures under your guidiance/counselling.

We look forward to hear from you so that we can move forward in giving you the informations.

Thanks and God bless,

Tijan Kabba.

_____________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear Mr. Kabba,
I am gladdened and surprised that you have replied so soon. I take it that you desperately need our help.
I belong to the Great Philanthropist Society (GPS). We were founded after a friend of ours, Eugene Horowitz, won a huge amount of cash in the Power Ball Lottery here in the U.S. Mr. Horowitz was so overwhelmed the night he saw his numbers flash across the television screen that in all of the excitement, he suffered a fatal heart attack and died. His wife, Minerva, was devastated. Feeling the lottery winnings were cursed, she asked a circle of Eugene's friends to take the money and use it for good deeds. We at the GPS placed the large sum of money in the bank and are operating off the interest. We earn upwards of 8.2 million dollars a year depending on the interest rate. Unfortunately, under the current economy, we only are making 6.9 million this year.
As Minerva requested, we use this money for the benefit of our brothers and sister throughout the world. Each month, we meet and we decide how to give away the money. Each of us brings several people's case to the council and we debate and argue as to how the money is to be divided. Meetings can last for several days. When the dust settles, we award 20 people between $10,000 - $40,000. Then, we drink a toast to Eugene and Minerva and we give each other a hug as we leave to find more people to help out next month. I know it sounds corny, but we do the best we can!
So you see, Mr. Kabba, I do not wish to be in business with you. I only want to try to plead your case to the council and help your and your poor mother out.

Please, if you will reply back to me so I can know if you are interested, I will start the process of getting the information I need to plead your case. The next meeting will be December 16th, so we do not have much time.
Hope to here from you soon! Take care! God Bless! And tell your lovely mother that help is only a short distance away!

Arthur Figgis

____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Sir Arthur Figgis ,

Thank you for your reply Sir, and your willingness concern to help me and my mother in this our present condition.My mother his very happy for you and we also wish to say thanks for your personality explannation. we are happy that you can handle this sitaution for us by the Will of God.

Sir, Please i will at this chance to recomand of our present helpless situation here in the refugee concerning to be waiting till December 16th Sir, we don't have a good hearlth my mother is ill, to feed well was a very big tax for us as the money 8.2million still on hold in the security company costudy, Please if you can help us with anything that can keep us and to get us out of refugee and get a place where we can stay till December 16th. Please, don't be ofended it is to help our condition.

Please, you can contact us with this telephone number at any time 00-221-51-131-74 please this number is refugee number if you call ask of Tijan Kabba or Miss Kabba hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God bless you and your family.

Yours Son,

Tijan.

_____________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear Mr. Kabba,

I was unaware that you need this money now. I thought you were trying to work a deal that would take several weeks. That is why I mentioned the meeting in December. Also, our process for people to be put on the docket is rather lengthy and I did not think you would have the time to complete it for our November meeting if you were interested.

However, if you would like to try to meet the November 18th deadline I would need you to complete the process by November 17th, which doesn't give us a lot of time.

Please email me back at your earliest convenience and I shall email the forms you need to start the process.

Please send my regards to your dear mother. I cannot imagine the lifestyle to which she is reduced. Please tell her we will do what we can to help!

Sincerly,

Arthur

____________________________________________________________

No reply so I sent:

Mr. Kabba,

I have not heard from you. Are you still interested in our financial help? If so, I need to get this packet to you ASAP so that you can have time to fill it out completely and send it back before the 18th. If not, I will move on and consider this matter closed.

As of yet, we have 15 people to vote on this month with 10 more who have packets out to return. Please don't miss the deadline!

Send your dear mother my regards. I hope she is coping well with this whole ordeal.

Sincerely,

Arthur

____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Sir Arthur Figgis,

Sir, I and my mother we are just coming back from seeing her doctor in the hospital for her illness and she told me to go and check if we have a message from you.

And i wish to thank you for your serriusness to help us.Please you can e-mail me the forms so that we can proceed forward.But don't for get to send me your telephone number and remember us on what i told you in my last mail concerning helping us with some little money so that we can buy drugs for my mothers illness and buy some food to eat.please i will be very happy to receive anything you can.

I will be looking forward to receive the forms.

My mother send her greetings to you and your family.

thanks and Remain blessed.

Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear Tijan,

I received your email this evening. I was just about to count you out for this month.

Please find the forms attached. You will need to fill them out completely as the council will scrutinize every single answer. You should send it back via email as an attachmentso I can be assured to have it before the next GPS meeting.

Also, please make sure to follow the directions for the photos exactly as they are written. I have seen all too many cases denied because people did not follow the directions. Make sure the sign is CLEAR. Make sure we can clearly read our motto: "PLEASE, PLEASE ME, OH YEAH, LIKE I PLEASE YOU!" in every picture.

I know this seems absurd, but it is the only way we have to be certain that people are 100% honest with us.

As for your other request for money for drugs and food. The banks here in the states have now closed for the Veteran's Day Holiday and will not open again until the 14th, Monday. I am unable to get any money out of my personal account. Veteran's Day is a day in which we honor our soildiers, both present and past, who fight for the liberties we have here and who help keep us free from tyrants, liars and swindlers.

Furthermore, and I really shouldn't be telling you this, my wife, Phyllis, got extremely angry the last time I tried to help someone in the manner you are asking me to do now. She said, "How dare you throw our money away on total strangers! Let that stupid society you belong to do things like that! You spend all of your time there anyway!" Anyway, Tijan,(I hope I can call you Tijan? Call me Arty. That's what my good friends do here! And please, do away with that "Sir Arthur Figgis" nonsense! Makes me sound like the bloddy Prince of Wales!) Phyllis is against me helping anyone personally anymore. If I were to send you money from my personal account, I would have to deal with my wife. I make it a poin to never have to deal with my wife! I'm afraid of what she might do to me. Why, just last week I left the toilet seat up and she told me that I can't have marital relations with her for a whole month! Can you believe that? Thank goodness, I remebered to replace the toilet paper!

But back to the point. I'm afraid I cannot help you with the money you need right now and I feel really badly about it. I hope you can continue to scrape by until the 18th when I head up to the next GPS meeting and can argue your case.

Please hurry with that information. I will need your packet and photos back by the 17th if we are to have any chance of helping you out this month!

Please send my best to your dear mother! Tell her to hang in there like the tough old girl that she is!

Sincerely,

Arty

Arthur has a terrible wife

____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Arthur,

I receive your message this morning and wish to thank you for the form and your effort to help the poor.May the good God reword you grately.

I have gone through the forms and will like to fill them as soon as my mother knows about them all, please the only place we will have some difficult is that we don't have money to pay to print it out for my signing and to scan it back you.

Please you would understand the sitaution we are, my mothers illness have corrcted the little money the red closs staff gave to us.please if you can still try to help us, i don't mean you should send us a big amount just a little that can help us to do what you want us to do.

Hopa to hear you soon

Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear Tijan,

I understand you may have difficulty signing the forms, but you need to try your best to follow the instructions in the packet exactly. I have seen many cases lost because people did not follow the exact instructions. This is why a suggested the December deadline. You said you needed the money sooner so I jumped though many hoops to help you. Now it is time for you to help yourself!

I do understand your situation. But you don�t seem to understand mine! The banks here are CLOSED until Monday. I do not have any money. Please remember that!

Also try to remember my wife Phyllis. She controls our money, among other things. There is no possible way I could pry even a penny from her bony little fingers! I don�t know what I ever saw in her in the first place. Tijan, she is so cold, controlling, and vindictive! She puts the needs of her own boys, Fergus and Philmore, ahead of mine. She made me adopt those little bastards! They stole my car and crashed it into a Farmer�s Market. I had to pay for several fruit stands. Who knew passion fruits were so expensive?

I am sorry to unload my troubles on you, Tijan. It is just that I am so miserable at home. If I didn�t belong to the Great Philanthropic Society, I just don�t think my life would have any meaning at all.

Please give your lovely mother a big, warm hug from you uncle Arty for me!

Art

____________________________________________________________

Another delay

Me:

Tijan,
> >
> >Are you still there? I was hoping to hear back from you soon so I can
>know
> >whether or not to prepare my case for you.
> >
> >Are you still interested? Or should I forget about it?
> >
> >Please let me know!
> >
> >I have to go now, T.J. Phyllis and her little hellions want me to go fix
> >dinner for them! They're haveing steaks tonight. Phyllis only bought
>enough
> >for the three of them. I have to eat dry Cheerios again tonight. Do they
> >sell Cheerios in Africa, T.J.? Sometimes, I wish I could just get out of
> >here, but I am trapped in this miserable life. Helping people like you is
> >my
> >only ray of joy, sometimes.
> >
> >Give your mother my best. Tell her she will have relief very soon!
> >
> >Big A

____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Arthur Figgis ,
> >
> >I don't know what to do, we are finding away to get money to print and
>scan
> >the Form back to you, but could not see any help beacuse do not know any
> >body here. and courple to my mothers illess please, please as God have
>rean
> >in your heart to help us, kindly do.
> >
> >Before we contacted you for this assistance and and mother we did prayer
> >and fasting for God to provide us somebody who will help us till you
> >responded to us. and we have trusted and beleive that you are Gods right
> >sent to help us. I could not know what to do, but please in the name of
> >God who send you to us, find some reason in your heart to help us out in
> >this transaction and help us to come over to your country and start up a
> >new life with the money. please the good God will not forget you for the
> >good help you are doing for his people on earth. you have a greater
>rewords
> >from God.
> >
> >Please, kindly send to us 100 Euro this have worries me so much on how i
> >could do to print the form and scan it back you. help me so that i will
>do
> >it, let it prase you to send the 100euro , you can send it to me with
> >western union money transfer in my name Tijan Kabba Dear ADDRESS RUE 20
> >ANGLE 22 MEDIN DAKAR SENEGAL. please send me the sending information so
> >that i will cash it and print the form and scan it back to you.
> >
> >looking forward to receive it,
> >
> >Thanks and remain blessed with your family.
> >
> >Tijan.

___________________________________________________________

Me:

T.J.
>
>I live in the United States, not the United Kingdom. We use U. S. Dollars
>here and not Euros. My dear friend, Kensington Smith-Smythe-Smith in the
>U.K., informs me that the amout of money you are asking for is about
>$300.00
>U.S. T.J., This seems to be an awful lot of money to simply print and scam
>the forms. I was thinking you could do it for about $2.00 U.S. $2.00 is not
>an insurmountable sum to gather. Why, for less than the price of a
>Starbuck's Grande, you could be on your way to riches.
>
>I'm sure you have a lawyer to help with your business transaction that you
>wanted me to be a partner of. Why not ask him to print the forms out, or at
>least for $2.00. Any lawyer worth is stature would be glad to help!
>
>If you can't print them out, just fill them out on your computer , save the
>file, and attach it to your next email. Just type your name instead of
>signing it. it won't be exact, but I have seen it done succesfully before.
>The pictures are the main thing. Hurry, T.J.! Time is running out!
>
>I must go now. Phyllis has me scheduled to polish her toe nails. I shudder
>at the thought. She has a size 11 foot and it smells of rotten cheese! It
>is
>a job I hate more than anything on earth. Other than when she has me give
>her a bikini wax!
>
>Send my love to your dear mother!
>
>Big A

___________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Arthur,
>
>The money i ask you to send to help us, is not $300 ,here is 65,000cfa, is
>not that i will use the whole 65,000 for the printing and the scaning,
>after doing it we will still have some change, No body have ever no about
>the money it is only you and us. we do not know any body here and have not
>go to any lawyer. we only went to the company on our arrival and notify
>them and submit the documents to them.
>
>What i am trying to say is if that you really want to help us, help us with
>all your mind and trust. there is notting you do for us, you will lose, i
>think you understand my first mail to you.till you respond to help me and
>my mother.
>
>please if you can help us kindly do God will reword you, because i am
>confused that after telling you our situation and ask for a small money
>like 100euro, and you could not help us with it. I know that i am rich, and
>i am from rich family during the days past of my school days i use to give
>my fellow student such amout of money.i don't think i should have ask you
>of any money because i have money but still under the companies
>costudy.which why we asked for your assistance.
>
>helping your fellow human with your surftance is not a wast because we have
>deall that we are doing together.I really want to know the earier you want
>to be helping us. as you can not help to buy drugs for my mothers illness
>and help us to buy some food to sursten us till you hep us claim the money
>out of the company for our investment use.
>
>The attachemnt in this message is the Form, please i have fill to my best
>of knowlage. you can help me out if there is the one i couln't fill well.
>
>thanks and God bless.
>
>Tijan.

___________________________________________________________

T.J.'s Form:

Great Philanthropic Society, LLC

GPS Tracking Data

Please fill out this form in great detail and return it to us.

NAME _______TIJAN KABBA______________________

DATE ___2/11/1982__________ TIME ____12 P.M______

AGE ____23_____ BLOOD TYPE _SS_______

ARE YOU A TERRORIST? ___NO I AM NOT_____________

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFLIATED WITH A TERRORIST? _NO_____

DO YOU KNOW ANY TERRORISTS? _____NO_________

IF YES, WHO AND WHERE ARE THEY? ______NO______________

__________________________________________________

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU TERRORIZED SOMEONE? __NO____

__________________________________________________

WHAT WERE THE CIRCUMSTANCES? ____NO________________

__________________________________________________

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? ___SIERRA LEONE__________________________

WHAT TIME OF DAY WERE YOU BORN? _______12 P.M ____________

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED? ____________NO___________

IF YES, EXPLAIN. _________________NO___________________

__________________________________________________
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INSIDE A TURKISH PRISON? _NO______

IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN. _______NO______________________

__________________________________________________

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN OUTSIDE THE UNITED STATES? _HAVE __NOT BEING TO U.S____

IF YES, WHERE AND WHY? _______NO_____________________

__________________________________________________

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE? ________NO__________

FOR WHAT PURPOSE WILL YOU BE USING THE MONEY? ___FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE IN ANY PROFITABLE BUSINESS___

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

ARE YOU A NATURALIZE CITIZEN OF THE U.S. ____NO_____

OF AFRICA? _____YES____

WHICH COUNTRY? ___SIERRA LEONE IN WEST AFRICA___

WHICH CITY? __FREE TOWN___

OF THE ANTARCTIC? _____NO____

WHICH COUNTRY? __NO___

WHICH CITY? ___NO__

OF AUSTRALIA? ____NO___

WHICH COUNTRY? ___NO___

WHICH CITY? ___NO___

OF ASIA? ____NO__

WHICH COUNTRY? ___NO___

WHICH CITY? ___NO___

OF EUROPE? ___NO___

WHICH COUNTRY? ___NO__

WHICH CITY? __NO___

OF NORTH AMERICA? ___NO__

WHICH COUNTRY? ___NO__

WHICH CITY? ___NO__

OF SOUTH AMERICA? ___NO__

WHICH COUNTRY ___NO__

WHICH CITY __NO___

ARE YOU HONEST? ___YES__

EXPLAIN. _BECAUSE GOD TOLD US TO BE HONEST,AND I BELIVE IN TRUTH,

__________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

ARE YOU LYING NOW? _____NO_

EXPLAIN. BECAUSE I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND WHAT I AM SAYING IS TRUTH AND REAL______________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

WHY SHOULD WE BELIEVE YOU? ____BECAUSE I AM TELLING THE TRUTH AND I HAVE DOCUMENTATION TO PROOF MY WORD___________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

I herby acknowledge that my statement above are true to the best of my knowledge and that I am aware that if I am found out to be a liar I will certainly forfeit my right any and all monies promised me.

______________________ 13/11/05 _SS______
SIGNATURE DATE BLOOD TYPE

Great Philanthropic Society, LLC

Personality Test

1. What are your positive attributes?
_________TRUST_________________________

____________________________________________________

2. What are your negative attributes? UNHONEST.
___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

3. What can you offer society?
_____________TO SERVE SOCIETY WITH THE PRODUCT OF MY INVESTMENT AND TO BUILD ORPHANAGE HOME __PROVIDING FOR THE POOR AND THE NEEDS

___________________________________________________

4. What can society offer you?
____________________SECURITY_______________________________

___________________________________________________

5. If money were not an object, what would you do?
______________I WILL SERVE TO WORK OUT A LIVING_____________________________________

___________________________________________________

6. If money were an object, what would you do?
_________________I WILL INVEST AND USE IT TO SERVE THE SOCIETY__________________________________

___________________________________________________

7. What great accomplishments have you already achieved for your fellow man?
_____________I WAS ONCE SAVE A LIFE OF MY SCHOOL MEAT WHO HAS AN MOTO ACIDENT I TAKE HIM TO HOSPITAL AND STOUD FOR HIM BECAUSE THE FAMILY WAS POOR.

___________________________________________________

8. What great accomplishments do you wish to achieve for your fellow man?
_____________TO READ MY FELLOW MAN TO GOD________
9. What is the best thing you have done in your life?
___THE BEST THING I HAVE DONE IS TO SAVE MY LIFE FROM DEATH DURING THE WAR IN MY COUNTRY.

_________________________________________________

10.What is the worst thing you have done in your life?
____THE DAY I SCURE LOW MARK IN MY SCHOOL EXAM

_________________________________________________

11.Have you ever been taken advantage of? If so, explain.
__________________NO_____________________________

_________________________________________________

12.Have you ever tried to take advantage of someone else? If so
explain.
_________________________NO_______________________

__________________________________________________

13. Are you trustworthy? Explain.

_YES_BECAUSE I AM A CHILD OF GOD? I TELLS TRUTH I HAIT CHEATING AND I KEEP PROMISES

___________________________________________________

I herby acknowledge that my statement above are true to the best of my knowledge and that I am aware that if I am found out to be a liar I will certainly forfeit my right any and all monies promised me.

______________________ 13/11/05 ___ SS
SIGNATURE DATE BLOOD TYPE

Great Philanthropic Society, LLC

Intelligence Test

Theses questions were designed specifically for us by Dr. R.F. Gumby pHD, OBGYN, O.B.E. to access your intelligence quotient. Answer each question to the best of your ability.

1. 2+5+200-132-16+27+867+1000-2-5-200+132+16-27-867-1000= _____

2. If a train leaves London at 8:00 a.m. and travels at 200 k.m. per hour, and anther train leaves New York and travels at 600 k.m. per hour, what time will the two meet?(Please show all work)

3. What is the airspeed velocity of an un-laden swallow? ___DON�T KNOW

4. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? _DON�T KNOW

5. Which team won the English Football Cup in 1976? ___DON�T KNOW

6. Can you get down off an elephant? __NO

7. If a plane crashed on the border of the U.S. and Mexico, in which country would they bury the survivors? ___DON�T KNOW

8. In what direction does the earth rotate? _DON�T KNOW

9. What is the palindrome of Bolton? ___DON�T KNOW

10. Amortize the yearly interest compounded monthly on capital gains with an investment $5,367.98 with and interest rate of 6.27%. (Please show all work)

I herby acknowledge that my work above is true to the best of my knowledge and that I am aware that if I am found out to be a liar I will certainly forfeit my right any and all monies promised me.

______________________ 13/11/05 _____SS_
SIGNATURE DATE BLOOD TYPE

Great Philanthropic Society, LLC

Photography Form

Along with this packet, you must submit at least ten (10) 5x7 photos, via email, of yourself helping your fellow man. This is to ensure that you are:

1) Who you say you are,
2) Trustworthy
3) Will use our money for the betterment of society

You should photograph yourself in helpful situations. Examples range from collecting and distributing food, clothes, blankets for needy people; feeding the hungry, reading to the elderly, or anything else for your fellow man. You may send more than ten photos of yourself in these situations. The more photos you send the better your case will be to argue.

In order to prove that it is you in the photo, you will need to have a sign present in each photo with you. The sign must be able to be read clearly the following message:

�PLEASE, PLEASE ME, OH YEAH, LIKE I PLEASE YOU!�

This was Mr. Horowitz�s favorite phrase. He was also an avid Beatles fan. He said this phrase has a deeper meaning and we have adopted it as our motto.

Once you have submitted this packet along with the 10 photos, then we will consider and vote on your request at our next monthly meeting.

I herby acknowledge that read this form and will comply exactly as requested and that I am aware that if I am found out to be a liar I will certainly forfeit my right any and all monies promised me.

______________________ 13/11/05 ___SS___
SIGNATURE DATE

___________________________________________________________

Me:

Dear T.J.,

I received the form. Although it was not complete, it will have to do. I
have seen people win with less information. I still need your photographs,
if I am to plead your case properly.

As for the money you're requesting, please remember my previous emails to
you. I will not have access to my bank accounts until Monday the 14th. I
could make a withdrawl, but Phyllis would kill me and I would not be able to
plead your case on Friday. And I am still confused about the total dollar
amount U.S. that you are asking for. Kensington says the exchange rate from
U.S. to euros
is 1 to 3. The way I figure it you need three hundred dollars. There is no
way I could send that amount of money without Phyllis finding out. Try
asking your friends whom you have helped in the past. If all goes well, as
soon as Saturday, you could repay them plus interest.

Even if Phyllis would allow me to send you $300, how do I know you are
really in need?
You filled out the form, but sent no pictures. Therefore I am beginning to
suspect something fishy.
Your email says you are confused. Well, so am I! It is really a simple thing
I am asking you to do:
take 10 pictures! If you can do this by Saturday, I could be sending you
$40,000.00. Don't you think that is worth the trouble?

I am beginning to think that this whole situation is just another one of
those stupid scams that I always seem to fall for. People emailing me out of
the blue asking for my money and when I send it,
I never hear from them again. Then upon investigation I find that I have
been lied to all along. Maybe Phyllis is right. Maybe I am a snivelling,
spineless idiot who couldn't spell cat if they spotted
me a "c".

Please, dear T.J., help me show Phyllis she is wrong! Send me those photos!
As soon as you do, I will take $300.00 and send it to you! The trouble I
would be in would be worth it just to show her I am right for a change! I
would rub her and her little bastards' noses in it!

Please help me T.J., you're my only hope!

As always express my love to your wonderful mother. She must be an
outstanding woman to have a son like you!

Your Friend,

Big A.

_____________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Arthur,

How could i do to send the pic, as we do not have money to take the pic and to send it to you. the 100euro I ask you in dollar is 105 dollar. or you can send 150 dollar it will help us.

i am waiting to receive it so that i will take the picture and send it immediately.

Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

T.J.,

I am both saddened and confused. First, you contact me out of nowhere to ask for my help. I offer to help, but my help is not soon enough. Then when I jump though my rear end to meet your timetable, it is still not good enough for you. Then you hound me for 100 Euros, then 65,000 c.f.a., then 100 Erous again, then 105 dollars, and now 150 dollars. You say you are my friend, but I am beginning to doubt that.

A friend is someone who doesn't impose on their friends. A friend is someone who will do anything for their friends, A friend is someone who will pay attention when his friend tells him about his witch-of-a-wife, Phyllis, who refuses to let him have any money whatsoever! How many times have I tried to tell you that T.J.?! Huh?! Let me say it once again: PHYLLIS WILL NOT LET ME SEND YOU ANY MONET AT ALL!!!!!!!!

Since I can not send you 100 erous; 65,00 c.f.a.; 105 dollars; 150 dollars; or 300 dollars; I guess we are at an impasse. If you can not collect from people there who owe you, then I guess we will go our separate ways. I will submit the packet I have for you as I said I would and I will send you what money, if any, you win. But I must tell you T.J. that I am disappointed in you. You want me to do all the work, but you won't give me any proof that you are even who you are. For all I know, you are not Tijan Kabba, and your mother doesn't even know you are scamming people out of money!

Thanks, for nothing T.J., if that is your real name!

As always send my best to your mother.

Arthur

___________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear, Arthur,
>
>Thank you for your mail, and all you have called me because i ask you to help us with some money. Only God knows and will jurdge both of us on what you have just calling me. if i am telling you lies let god jurdge me.It only because things are in this way for us here at this present time,
>
>What is money it is notting because it comes and go but good relationshiop last for ever.First you have not ask me for any proof and i fail proofing my word right to you.I know there is a lot of bad things going on in the world today but their still a good people with geniue vision. My mother knows about the money i ask you she is the one that told me to ask you to help us with some money to help our living till you claim the money out of the company for us. We are very very happy for you to accept to assist us. And will be very much happier if you will fully understand that God want you to help us out not thinking negative towords us.
>
>I and my mother we are whom we told you we are if you want any proof i will provide them, hence you will be happy to help us. And know that what you are doing is real. I swell to you with the spirit of my late father that i am what i have told you i am. i don't contact you to cheat on you. please kindly understand how i feel writing this message, please if you can come down to see us face to face and we go together to the company and hanly all this matter.
>
>Please,for the sake of God do not misunderstand me, i have not gotten this kin of experence before i was just an only a student doing my second year the time the insident in my country. I have not begg any body in my life to give me money because i have not rack.It pains me that i ask such amount of money from somebody today. help us god will not forget your great dids. we have just arrives this country and do not know any body,because our being here is conffidencial.for some reasons. money w ask you is notting to me and my mother we can not be lieing for 150 dollars i ask you the money so that we can be able to do others things you will ask of us, not continue asking you for money again.
>
>please understand i want to proof you that i am real and i have the money i claim real.
>
>Thanks for you godly understanding.
>
>Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

Tijan,

You must forgive my last email. Phyllis was watching write it. She is such an evil woman! I wish she would just go away!!!!! The Voo-Doo preistess I consulted in New Orleans last week said the curse I put on her would take affect before the end of the year!. I hope I can make it that long!

Phyllis has seen me go through several cases like yours only to get burned. I keep putting myself in situations like this because I believe that I will find one decent, honest person (besides me) in this world. So far I have spent $24,567.72 on people who have taken my money on false pretenses.

Of course I don't feel that way about you and your beautiful mother. I just need proof to show that you are who you say you are, and then I will not hesitate to send you the money! Please send me a picture of yourself holding the sign "PLEASE, PLEASE ME, OH YEAH, LIKE I PLEASE YOU!" so I will know it is you. Then I will sneak out $300 from our account and send it to you.

As for the GPS money, I will be leaving Thursday to put your claim in. I will need at least one photo of you by then if we are to have any chance of getting you anything from them.

Please email me back and let me know what you think!

Arthur

___________________________________________________________

Still another delay

Me:

My Dearest Friend Tijan,

I seemed to have offended you in my previous emails and for that I am sorry. Please know that I am still trying to help you.

Phyllis has learned of my intentions and did some research. (She is standing over my shoulder as I type this.) She checked with the international red cross and they do not have any record of you using their services in Africa. Phyllis says you are a scammer. (She is gone now!)

T.J., please give me some proof that you are for real! I want to do the superiority dance on her big, fat gluttious maximus! Please T.J. send me some proof!

I will be leaving in 48 hrs. to go to my Great Philanthropic Society Meeting. I will plead your case on Friday and will be back on Saturday and let you know something then.

Again, please accept and offer your dear mother my apologies for my previous emails. Try to understand my position of wanting to help and needing proof.

Thanks!

___________________________________________________________

Him:

Dear Arthur,

My mother has been very sick since sunday night and i have been with her in the hospital that is why you don't hear from me since. the doctor say that she is developing stroke because he can not talk since yesterday morning and they fix a pipe in her nose since last night. i just came out of the hospital to write you this mail and tell you the situation of things.

Dear friend Arthur, she said i am a scammer, you can say that again and again. for my little experience in life i could understand that in any business where there is no trust it can not stand. You see if God can not help me, you as a human can not help me and my mother,our faith and hope is in God i have said all the truth in my mouth. I have never told you that we have a record with red cross they only help us to get to this country. i am a refugee in this country.

I agree to send you all the proof you want for your mutual understanding,for now i don't have money to do that, if God helps me and my mother to see money for it i will not hestate to send to you all you want from me to proof to you my innocent on what you think i am. If also i can come back in the evening lets see our self in the web cam so that when i send to you any proof you will know that i am the one. because i don't see how pic can make you beleive me where you don't have trust on me. because i can send a pic claim that it is me which is not me.

please at 7.pm in the evening in my time call me with this number so that we can meet in the cam.00 221 51 13 174 please if you call ask of Tijan Kabba.

Thanks and God bless.

Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Me:

My dear friend,

I am sorry, but I will not be able to call today. Fergus and Philmore were lassoing each other with the phone and tore it our of the wall. The repairman cannot come until after Thanksgiving on the 28th of November. I tried to stop those little bastards, but they hog-tied me with massive amounts of phone cable. When Phyllis got home, she was upset at me for letting them destroy the phone and she left me tied up. I had to roll myself out of the bed room, down the hall, down the stairs, crawl through the doggie door, inch my way across the back yard, roll out through a hole in the fence, roll into the front yard, roll across the street to my neighbor's, Niles Crane, house, roll up his front porch steps, inch my way up to his doorbell and ring it with my nose. Unfortunately, Niles was not home. I rolled back down the stairs and back out into the street where Fergus and Philmore were riding their bicycles. They proceeded to try to jump over me but they missed several times. My only consolation was the sound of those little bastards hitting the pavement when they hit me with their bikes! Phyllis came out and chastised me for hurting her "little angels". She collected them and left me lying in the street still hog-tied. Finally, my friend, Niles came home. He ran over my foot, as I was laying in the street, and I had to go to the hospital to have it set. I am now on some terrific pain killers for my foot. These pain killers now make Phyllis, Fergus, and Philmore seem more tolerable. Phyllis is even beginning to look attractive again! I wish she hadn't cut off marital relations! Hang on, Teege, I must take another one now. There we go!

But do not fear, my friend, I will still be able to plead your case Friday. I will leave tomorrow with another member of the GPS. Her name is Catherine Jones. Now, she's a real looker! And extremely nice to boot! She always asks how I am feeling and worries about me. What a nice lady! If I weren't married to that rat bag Phyllis, I might take out after her!

Anyway, wish me luck!!! I will do the best I can for you! Pray that Catherine and I are successful! She is such a beautiful woman. She has no children, either. Whoooo, these pain killers are starting to feel good now!!!!@!@!!~~ HEE HEE HEE HEE!! The room is spinning, mR. J.T.! I tHink i wiLL gO noW aS I seEm tO bE geTtinG lightheade!!!!!

Yours, Fiend,

Knickers, er...... Arrrrrrrrrrrthurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

s.P. saY IH to your moTher!

_____________________________________________________________

At this point, I receive THE EXACT SAME letter from Mr. Blue Fernadez. It has the same dollar amounts and percentages and the same story

Me:

Mr. Kabba,

I received this email out of the blue and it sounds EXTREMELY familiar. Please explain ASAP or I will not plead your case Friday I included your email afterwards to refresh your memory:

From : boma fernandez <[email protected]>
Sent : Wednesday, November 16, 2005 2:52 PM
To : [email protected]
Subject : Your Confidencial Business Partnership.

| | | Inbox

Dear Friend,
Please bear with me for sending this letter to you surprisingly. My name is Mr Boma Fernandze a 23 years young man originally from Sierra Leone in west Africa.

My sole purpose of contacting you is for you to assist me to claim and invest my inheritance EIGHT MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) 8.2million us dollars depsited in a security company by my late father in Dakar senegal in your country or elsewhere. I and my mother have proposed 20% percent of the total som and 2% percent for any expenses incured during the transfer for you.

I am presently living in refuge camp Dakar Senagel with my age
mothe who are the only sovival of my family who was killed in my coutry Sierra Leonia during the war,I and my mother run into Dakar senegal where my late Father Alummamy Fernandez deposited the fund as a family treasure in a metteric sliver coded box.Please we are seeking for you assistance to help us claim the money and shift it to your country for investment.As soon as i hear from you i will fax to you allthe deposit document of the money with the contact of the holding Company for you to instruct them to shiftthe money to you in your country.

Wish to hear from you soon.

Bye and God bless.

Yours truly.

Boma Fernandez.

YOUR EMAIL FOLLOWS:

Dear Friend,

Please bear with me for sending this letter to you surprisingly. My name is Mr Tijan Kabba a 23 years young man originally from Sierra Leone in west Africa.

My sole purpose of contacting you is for you to assist me to claim and invest my inheritance EIGHT MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) 8.2million us dollars depsited in a security company by my late father in Dakar senegal in your country or elsewhere. I and my mother have proposed 20% percent of the total som and 2% percent for any expenses incured during the transfer for you.

I am presently living in refuge camp Dakar Senagel with my age mother who are the only sovival of my family who was killed in my coutry Sierra Leonia during the war,I and my mother run into Dakar senegal where my late Father Usuman Kabba deposited the fund as a family treasure in a metteric sliver coded box.Please we are seeking for you assistance to help us claim the money and shift it to your country for investment.As soon as i hear from you i will fax to you allthe deposit document of the money with the contact of the holding Company for you to instruct them to shiftthe money to you in your country.

Wish to hear from you soon.

Bye and God bless.

Yours truly.

Tijan Kabba.

_____________________________________________________________

No Reply

Me:

Mr. Kabba,

Unless you contact me by 12 noon my time (it is 8:30 a.m. now) to explain the EXACT SIMILARITIES in yours and Mr. Fernandez's emails, I will not plead your case tomorrow.

Good Day, Sir!

Mr. Figgis

___________________________________________________________

Still no reply. I figure I'll end it!

Me:

Sorry Tijan,

It is now 12 noon and I have determined that you will not be willing to clear up this matter of duplicate emails; therefore, I am ending our transaction.

I feel betrayed. It seems as if you were never honest with me. What if the roles were reversed. What if I contacted you with a story like yours and then 6 days later a total stranger contacted you with the exact same story that includes the same places, percentages and misspellings! What would you think, huh? You'd think I was a scammer and you'd probably be right.

I hope you contacted Mr. Fernandez and told him that he was muscling in on your action! I hope you told him he ruined a sweet deal. I had already sent your packet to the council. They already have it. I will now have to slink in there and declare I was duped! I hope you are happy! And Phyllis, Phillis will lock me in the closet again! Last time this happened, I had to spend 3 weeks in there. Do you know what that's like, Tijan, do you? I'll probably get 6 weeks or longer. I'll be lucky if I get out by New Year's. Thanks for the ride old buddy. You really screwed me!!!!

The sad thing is I trusted you. I trusted you when everyone else said you were a scammer. I can't believe it! You had me at hello, Tijan, you had me at hello!

Arthur "The Fool" Figgis

__________________________________________________________

And finally....

Me:

Mr. Kabba,

I am very upset to announce that the society has voted to give you $50,000. I told them about the suspicious emails, but they felt that if you were telling the truth, you really needed the money and that if you were lying, then maybe the money would help set you straight. I argued against you but they insisted.

Congratlations. You scammed a whole group of very well-meaning people.

Mr. Figgis

____________________________________________________________

But, wait!

Him:

Dear Arthur,
>
> The attcahment is my international pasport copy and certificate of the deposit,certificate of ownership and membership form as promised. please i will like to let you know i suffered to get money to send this document to you for us to have a comon understanding before embacking on this project but i shall prefer dealing with you as an individual and not with your company. please you can now help us with some money as you promised to help me with my mothers situation.
>
>I know that there may be people out there trying fraud or something of that nature but i do not ask or need anything from you, all i ask is that you should come to dakar-senegal where this fund was deposited in a private security company or assists me have the company transfer the consignment to your given contact address pending my arrival to meet with you for the investment, it may be difficult gething American visa but by tomorrow i will request for travelling documents from the United Nations High Commission for Refugees.
>
> Look forward to hearing from you.
>
> accept my mothers greetings to you and your family.
>
> Tijan.

____________________________________________________________

Enter Phyllis

Mr. Kabba,

This is Phyllis Figgis, Arhtur's wife. I was wondering when was the last time you heard from him. He left Friday the 18th, to go to his damn little club with that Jones woman. I called his friend, Howard Cunningham, who was also in his group with him. He told me that the group gave Arthur some money to help out someone overseas. That was Friday, this is Monday. No one has seen that little dirt bag in 3 days.

I wanted to know when you last heard from him. I emailed all of his contacts from his email address to see if they knew where he was. I have heard from everyone execpt you and the Jones woman. So help me, when I find him, I will cut off his manhood and store it in a pickle jar!

If you know of his plans, let me know! I will send someone to deal with him! You can email me at [email protected]

____________________________________________________________

No response! Phyllis is impatient!

MR. KABBA!!!!

I NEED A REPLY FROM YOU!!!!! I EMAILED YOU YESTERDAY TO SEE IF YOU KNEW THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY HUSBAND!!! I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM SINCE FRIDAY THE 18TH, AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF DEAL IN THE WORKS!!!! IF YOU DO NOT TELL ME WHERE HE AND THAT JONES WOMAN ARE, I WILL TURN ALL OF YOUR EMAILS OVER TO THE FBI FOR INVESTIGATION!!!

EMAIL ME TODAY OR I WILL TALK TO THE FBI!!!!

PHYLLIS!

____________________________________________________________

Time to drop the axe!

Hey Guys!

Well, where do I begin? I guess your wondering where I am, huh? I am
somewhere where it is warm all year around and the palms sway in the
ocean
breeze! I bet you're wondering what I am doing here! Well let me tell
you a
story:

See, when by the time Mr. Fernandez's email came to me, "Mr. Kabba", I
got
wise that I was about to be scammed again. I had already send Mr. K's
packet
to the Society and they had already voted let him have some money. I
showed
them the email from Mr. F., but it was a done deal. So I took the
money,
emailed Mr. K, and hobbled out to Catherine's car. On the ride home,
Catherine and I were talking about the whole situation: me being
scammed and
having to go back to you and those little bastards, Phyllis. So I
started
looking at the money, looking at Catherine and said to myself, "This is
it,
Arthur Figgis! Take the chance, Arthur Figgis! Be a man, Arthur
Figgis!" I
asked Catherine if she would like to come with me on a much needed
vacation.
Much to my suprise, she said yes! So we drove to the airport, bought
two
tickets with her credit card, (I already had my passport, as I take it
with
me to prove who I am at the meetings) and we left. When we landed, we
went
straight to a local bar to celebrate! After about 6 hours in the bar,
the
owner came and asked us if we were honeymooning! I guess we were
carrying on
a little too much. Anyway we told him we were going to try to live
here. I
told him about the Society, and my dreadful life back home. I told him
about
the money. Coincidently, the owner, Shiver Metimbers, was looking to
get out
of the bar business and asked if I wanted to buy his place. I thought,
"What
the hell?" (Suprised I can make a decision, Phyllis?) So I got a lawyer
here. Mr. Clark Kent, and he drew up the papers. Tomorrow, Catherine
and I
will own Shiver Metimber's Bung Hole! However, we will change the name
to
Figgis' Hideaway. I asked Catherine to put her name up there, too, but
she
said she'd rather see something belong to me! Can you believe that,
Phyllis?
Someone actually looking out for my well being for a change! And you
said no
woman in their right mind would want a milksop like me! HA! HA! HA!
Who's
laughing now?

Please don't try to find me, you old rat bag! I wouldn't cross the
street to
relieve myself on you if you were ablaze and I'm not coming back! By
the
way, I sold the house, the car, and your commemroative Barbara
Streisand
china to Mr. Metimbers. He will want you out by January so he can set
up a
retirement home for grissled pirates. Did I mention that we stopped by
the
bank before we left? There's nothing in the safe deposit box!
BWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!

Mr. K, or whomever you may be: please don't be mad. I didn't intend for
this
to happen. I just took advantage of an opportunity. I'm sure I wasn't
the
only one you hit with your story. Maybe you can still scam one of them!
Think of it this way, you gave alot of people joy and laughter these
last
two weeks. That ought to warm your heart right there! Please, though,
do try
to stop the scamming. There are too many opportunities in this world
for you
to do something more productive and worthwhile to make money. why, you
could
move and open up a bar!

Take care of yourselves, and each other!

Catherine and Arthur!

I had fun! Feel free to tell me where my mistakes were or how I could do better with this premise next time!

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:22 am

This story had me in stitches. My kids all wanted to know what was wrong, since I never laugh that way.

Do say I can use your questionnaire, please?

Others have taken identical letters and played the two authors against each other, but your approach is more...shall we say "honorable"?

Looking forward to the next story, or better yet, the next email from Tiggy.

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:29 am

Please feel free! I'm honored that you found the story enjoyable! My co-workers kept hounding me for my daily updates! I enjoyrd yours, too! Please take care of Mike! Don't let anything happen to him!

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:44 pm

That was a really good read, and not just as a fan of Monty Python. Say, on your questionaire, was that an African Swallow or a European swallow?

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:00 pm

Nice work! It's hard these days to get a picture with a sign, but I liked your text. Nice job tricking this scammer with an original premise. I think having someone else screwing up the transaction is a good modality, since it allows you not to slap the mugu directly. Also, good conclusion -- I was afraid for a minute that you were going to say "HAHA, you mugu, I knew you were a scammer all along!"

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:41 pm

Hard work getting a picture it is! The lads realise that were baiters if we ask for Photographs holding signs! Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Nov 2005 Posts: 264

Nothing there to criticise. It was hilarious. You might want to contact him in a month or two and offer him an assistant manager's job in your bar with a $10,000 advance and see if you can get a safari out of him just to add insult to injury. Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:34 am

@mumu

I...I don't know that! Arghhhhhhhh

@calvin

I felt guilty about slapping my lad personally. i'm getting better at it now, though! Twisted Evil

@nightstalker

I felt i was asking for too much. I was glad that he fill out my form! I thought it was telling when he said the his negative traits were "unhonest".

@matt

I contacted him Friday to tell him we named a drink after him:

Hey, Guys!

How's life? Mine's fine! Just checking to see how you all were doing. I have heard some from Phyllis, but nothing from T.J.

How's it hanging, T.J., old bean? Just to show you there are no hard feelings, we named a drink after you. T.J.'s Surprise! It is orange juice (freshly squeezed i might add), drambuie, grenadine, and a twist of irony. Then to top it all off, we add a goldphish. You have to drink it down before the phish dies. We also have a drink called the Phyllis: a tall glass with ice and bitters. Pleas do drop me a line every once in awhile so I can keep up with you.

Catherine says hello to your dear mother, T.J.

Big A

Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 10:06 pm

I tried to lure T.J. back with a 'job offer' but he is on to me:

Quote:

Dear arthur,

I have no business with you again, you have done your wish but god will reward you. for making things had for me. you know what you have done to an innocent person, because you know that some bad people are caliming what they are not for cheating people,

I have told you, i don't know what you still want from me please go away you are not a good man, your a joker,

for my clean hearlth you hot me, put me in a situation it will be had for me to get help, i know i have not done a wrong to you, i have not cheat you.
you used all my communication with you and made it to be a scam storry in the internet then you still sending mail to me, please what you have done still not enough for you, what do you want from me again, hold you money.because i don't want them. God is my provider.

Good bye,

Tijan.

Poor lad, he is sooooooo innocent! Very Happy