Jude Joe II: The Next Penetration (11/25: Adopt-A-Joe!!)

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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:47 pm

Could it be? Pinch me, I must be dreaming!

Let me back up for a minute... You may (or may not) remember possibly my longest running and most outrageous bait: Poverty Sucks. It involved a young man named Jude Joe, who came begging to Molly Ringwald for money. Fortunately for Joe, Molly was the treasurer of the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), a "charity" dedicated to touching young boys in their special place! Tragically, Molly died while writing to Joe. At that point, the president of NAMBLA, Matt Foley took over Joe's case. After much frustration with large novelty checks and a mysterious German master criminal named Mathias, Mr. Foley was to organize a charity musical to raise money to send to Jude Joe. Things went south when the lesbian performance artist group that NAMBLA was coordinating with turned out to be undercover FBI agents. Matt Foley was last heard from rotting away in the Tallahachee County Correctional Facility, where he was being used as currency by the larger inmates. Joe was last heard from, starving somewhere in Nigeria, still untouched by the loving hand of NAMBLA.

That was in July. A few days ago, I noticed a very familiar address pop up in my catcher account... [email protected]. Different name, but the same address and the same "I'm dying" opening letter! Could it be? Is my beloved pet, Jude Joe, still begging for money? I wrote this to them to find out...

Quote:

Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2005 10:14:01 -0800 (PST)
From: "Matt Foley"
Subject: Oh happy day!
To: "jude joe" <[email protected]>

Dearest Jude Joe!

Blessings of the season to you! I know you haven't heard from me in a really long time, but that was because I was spending the last 4 months being gang raped by large Mexicans in prison! Well, Jude, I am once again breathing the sweet, sweet air of freedom!

Last week, NAMBLA lawyers filed an injunction saying that my defense attorney was grossly incomptent because he was coming down off of a seven day tweak bender and could barely recite the days of the week in the proper order, much less defend me against a trailer truck full of evidence. Long story short, Joe, I was sprung on a technicality and I get off with time served! Isn't that wonderful!

I have started a new life up here in Pissing, New York. It is a little town near the famous Golden Shower Falls, which is a major tourist attraction. I have even more good news, Joe! NAMBLA has gotten back together! Isn't that fantastic? We are getting back together to touch more boys than ever before, and we want to start with you! Are you still in Africa, Joe?

Please let me know how you are doing, even though you sent me no email, porn or cigarettes while I was incarcerated and being used as the mangina for the whole cell block. Maybe now we can finally send you some money, Joe!

Your friend forever,
Matt Foley,
Executive Director Emeritus, North American Man Boy Love Association

I was beside myself with glee when I got this back this morning...

Quote:

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005 03:11:51 -0800 (PST)
From: "jude joe" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Oh happy day!
To: "Matt Foley"

HELLOW SIR THANK U FOR EVERY THING U HAVE DONE TO ME ALL THIS TIME OUT WELL IAM STILL WERE U LEFT ME , TELL ME U HAVE SEND ME MONEY BUT ALL TO NO AVAIL WELL , I THANK GOD U HAVE COME OUT OF PRISON, WELL I DONT BELIEVE I CAN BELIEVE U AGIAN , COS ALL THIS TIME U HAVE COMUNICATING BUT NOTHING TO SHOW OF , WELL I BEILIEVE GOD ON ME AND MY FAMILY WE WILL NOT DIE OF HUNGER,
THANK JOE

Joe is pissed because after all this time, he never got any money from NAMBLA? What an ingrate!! Twisted Evil

Quote:

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005 11:42:54 -0800 (PST)
From: "Matt Foley"
Subject: Let's get it on!
To: "jude joe" <[email protected]>

Hey Jude!

Blessings of the famine to you! Joe, you have to realize that it is hard to send money when you are in prison. If I had money to send, don't you think I would have used it to buy off having every Crip and Blood in prison stick their syphilitic love pump in my orifices? Joe, I am not insensitive to your problems, but give me a little credit here. I have been doing hard time while you were feasting on barbequed monkey and missionaries over there in Africa. If anything, you should have sent your money to me.

But that is all in the past, and I am more than willing to put the past up your behind. Joe, I think I can get about $200 out of NAMBLA petty cash to send you. Unfortunately, I cannot think of a risky-free way of sending money to Africa. You would think that in this modern age of jet planes and glory holes that you might be able to send money around the world electronically. Unfortunately, I can think of no way to do that. Can you send me your address so that I can mail the money to you? Should it be in regular dollars or should I just send over $200US worth of shiny things? Please let me know.

I do have a good friend named Larry Flynt. He is the wealthy publisher of such trade periodicals as Barely Legal and Hustler, and he has been a big supporter of NAMBLA in the past. Not as big as Michael Jackson, but big all the same. You can always try his email address: [email protected]. He might be able to send you the money that you so desperately need, Joe!

NAMBLA blessings to you, Joe!
Matt Foley,
Executive Director Emeritus, North American Man Boy Love Association

I hope Jude Joe is up for some additional months of sadistic torment. We shall see!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 17 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

....shiny things?

Larry, I am still laughing while I am writing this.
You are hilarious.

Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 1:57 pm

Nah... I'm just off my medication again. Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

Larry, you never cease to amaze :]

Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:34 pm

Larry. Your a very naughty, naughty boy. I am afraid it shall be the paddle for you. Wink

NN

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:26 pm

Nurse Nasty,

For free? Laughing

Joe replies!

Quote:

Date: Sat, 5 Nov 2005 02:18:42 -0800 (PST)
From: Send an Instant Message "jude joe" <[email protected]>
Subject: please
To: "Matt Foley"

hellosir am sorry about all u have went through,pls sir help mewith littleamount through money moneygram for it will reach me without no fear , PLS USETHIS NAME,chukwuebuka ufondu francis as a reviever name
thank joe ur old friend , pls reply me if u know will help me out thank and god blessu

Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:39 pm

Joe's prayers are going to be answered! I just hope he still has the NAMBLA PRIDE shirt I made him make and wear those many months ago.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 7 Nov 2005 12:34:49 -0800 (PST)
From: "Matt Foley"
Subject: The money will be sent!
To: "jude joe" <[email protected]>

Joe:

NAMBLA has funds for you! At long last! However, when I went to the Moneygram office on Saturday, the fat sweaty Venezulean behind the counter told me that money transfers to Africa require that you fill this simple three page form out and sent it back to me. Isn't that great? All you have to do is fill out this form and you will get your money! I tried to tell him that I was sending money to Jude Joe through his good friend Chewbacca Ufondle Francis, but he still says that I have to fill out the form to make sure that the money doesn't go to terrorists like Osama bin Laden or Pauly Shore.

Have you gotten in touch with Larry Flynt yet? He is a rich man, even if his interest is more towards wayward young women than boys like yourself. Even still, I bet his heart would just melt at your horrible plight! His email is (BLOWME)@yahoo.com. I have been constantly talking about you to him, so email him today! He is in a wheelchair, so please don't talk to him about Jerry Falwell. There is still a lot of bad blood there.

I know you are currently starving so I think you would be really happy for me when I tell you about the NAMBLA black tail auction we had the other night! I ate so much I thought I would burst like a purple helmeted yogurt slinger, Joe! I started off with the chicken tartare and red tide grouper surf and turf before I worked my way up to the sun-ripened mayonaisse. Then I feasted on bearded clams for the rest of the night! I've never eaten so much in my life, it was a shame to throw so much food away at the end of the night, but such is the price of gluttony in this land of plenty! I was almost too full to touch boys, but I still found a way! I even got the high bid to touch this 11 year old Korean kid! It was great! I would send you pictures, but my camera is a Siemens product and gets really really hot when you try to use it.

Your bestest pal ever,
Matt Foley,

Executive Director Emeritus, North American Man Boy Love Association

The "simple to fill out" Moneygram form:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/Moneygrampage1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/Moneygrampage2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/magua/Moneygrampage3.jpg

Don't worry. Joe will fuck this up like he does everything else. Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Larry, you're a godsend. I may have to borrow your form for a bait I'm running as the Reverend Jesse Jackson Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:13 pm

Jude Joe, as I have pointed out many times before, is not only stupid, but epically lazy. The little fucker hasn't emailed me back. This is getting me angry!

Quote:

Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2005 09:11:32 -0800 (PST)
From: "Matt Foley"
Subject: What is the hold-up, boy?
To: "jude joe" <[email protected]>

Hey Jude!

Shigella greetings to you! I haven't heard back from you in days! Did you get the easy to fill out Moneygram forms? Have you filled them out? The sweaty Brazilian at the Moneygram office won't let me send you money until you fill them out!

Also, Larry Flynt told me that you haven't emailed him yet! Larry Flynt can help you, Joe! But you have to be brave and take that first step. Money isn't going to fall magically out of the sky unless you mix a lot of psilocybin with your Kool-Aid! So get off your ass and get begging, boy!

Your biggest pal ever,
Matt Foley

Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:57 pm

Joe is testing my patience.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 13 Nov 2005 05:47:11 -0800 (PST)
From: "jude joe" <[email protected]>
Subject: please
To: "Matt Foley"

hellow mr foley , why treating me like this, i believe u donot want to help ,pls u send the money i fill the form were in nigeria, or if u know u donot want help me then forget about me for life goes on
thank joe, pls if u want help use this name to send it ifu are for real
chukwuebuka ufondu francis
thank

WARNING

Obnoxious use of the f-bomb! Lots of cursing! Dick jokes!

Let him reap the whirlwind.

Mod Edit: Larry, please edit the unnecessary foul language in accordance with Board guidelines and then repost. [BB]

Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 6:43 pm

That is a work of art - Thanks for the laughs!

Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 5:14 pm

I think I was a little harsh on the boy. He hasn't written me in over a week. Better reel him back in... I sure don't want Joe getting away!

Quote:

Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 09:06:10 -0800 (PST)
From: "Matt Foley"
Subject: Please forgive me, Joe!
To: "jude joe" <[email protected]>

Hey Jude!

I have reflected on how hurtful I was in the last email, Joe! Prison left me an embittered shell of a man! Isn't that awful? Somedays I just want to go up to the clock tower here in Pissing, New York and take the advice of the tiny voices in my head. If I keep on my medications, I can usually control those urges.

Speaking of urges, did I ever send you your money before I flew into my rage? I still want to touch your hole, now more than ever! I just hope you can forgive me for being so cruel! Between my jail time and the implosion of NAMBLA and everything we stand for, 2005 has not been a kind year. That fat man Michael Moore says I should blame George Bush, and I think he's right. I want to live in a country where I am free to touch boy's special place by mercilessly pounding their boy hole! And if that means sending you your money, then I need to do that!

I want to make a brand new start, Jude! A start where I don't wake up screaming at night and feel like I have to cover my ass every time I see a large Puerto Rican go by! A start where I have touched you over and over again, Joe! Aren't you proud of me? Please say that you forgive me!!!

Your best friend ever,
Matt Foley

Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 7:03 pm

I love your JJ baits. They're hilarious. I hope he gets back to you. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 4:26 pm

Joe wants the money...

Quote:

Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005 10:37:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "jude joe" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Please forgive me, Joe!
To: "Matt Foley

hello i have forgive u cos u thenot offend me , but pls help with little amount of money for ur friend is dying of hungercos u have bee promising me that help me , pls do for god sake
thank joe

The following was sent twice.

Quote:

Date: Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:33:38 -0800 (PST)
From: "jude joe" <[email protected]
Subject: PLS TRY
To: "Matt Foley"

pls sir am begging in the of GOD help with little amount of money for am dying for we have come alone way
thank joe pls

Due to my retirement, Matt Foley will have to mysteriously disappear. If you would like to adopt Jude Joe, please direct your baiting to:

[email protected]

He's got all the razor-sharp street smarts of a cocker spaniel and probably breath to match. He is also an easy trophy if you have been stringing him along for a while. Don't go for the money shot too early, or he'll vanish into the ether. And for Godssake, publish your beatings of him!

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Larry, I'm going to miss you. My Larry Flynt character will try his hardest to carry on your memory.

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:24 pm

Its nice to see so many people baiting Joe

I managed to get into his inbox and do the signature warning modality, great thing wth yahoo is all you ever see is a check box asking if you wish to use your signature, and its ticked by default hehehe

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