This is kinda long, but funny too!! (In progress)

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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:46 pm

Players:
Mr. Sidney Sheldon Chief Financail Executive of Stuff 'n' Lumber Inc.
Dr. Michael Ibegbulam Evil (although surprisingly honest) 419 scammer from Nigeria.
The crooked lawyer James Witherspoon
(Disclaimer - all mails, plus spelling mistakes, are original, cos I couldn't be bothered to correct them!)

Dr. Michael was looking for someone to help him transfer some funds (yawn...) so dear Mr. Sheldon decided to take a break from working on his next novel to help out. I have no idea what happened to the first email, but this has been going on for 4 months now!! (Just the highlights, then...)

Dr. Michael asked Sidney to get a new email account, and then asked again for all the info I already gave him... His email was:

Quote:

Dear Sidney ,

There is need for security consciousness.As i told you before,as soon as
you are registered here as a subsidiary of the original company that
executed the contract,it will take lees than one week to have this money
transfered to your account.

Now As i also told you,you need to be registered here as a subsidiary of
that original company that executed that contract.To this effect,you have to
send me the following:

Your full name,your address,the name you want to answer in the company
either name of company,your phone,fax,and a copy of your passport
photo(scanned).

As soon as i got this information ,i will go ahead to see to the
registration of your company so that there wont be any difficult in claiming
the $8.5m from the bank abroad.

After the registration,your details shall be forwarded to the bank where the
$8.5m is abroad so that the money will be transfered to your account.While
this is done,I shall be making preparations to possibly come over to your
country so that wecan meet faceto face to finalise other
investment/management arrangements.

I am waiting to hear from you,hoping that we will do this in mutual trust.

Regards,

Dr Michael.

So then Sidney replies, telling him his problems...

Quote:

Dear Dr. Michael,
You already have my full name. My company name is Stuff 'n' Lumber
Inc., and I'm afraid I have no telephone. The reason for this is that
I had a very serious car accident when I was a child, resulting in
major injuries that have left me almost completely deaf. Therefore I
can't use a telephone!
Please forward my registration as soon as possible.

I couldn't be bothered to email him for a bit after this, so I came up with a little story to explain

Quote:

Dear Dr. Micheal,
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch recently - my company is undergoing
a crisis at this time! Can we please postpone for a couple of days
until this has been resolved? We have had a very serious spate of
thefts from the office, resulting in the loss of a lot of money, and
as Financial Exectutive, I have been placed under the spotlight. Of
course, I have done nothing wrong, but I have to prove that to the
commission!

So, Dr. Mike is all reassurance and "let's sort out the money" Rolling Eyes

Quote:

Am really sorry for what is happening in your company at the moment,i
understand how it is.Nevertheless,i have entered your info for the
registration and it will take some days to take effect fully,around friday
this week.I feel by then the pressure may have been off from your shoulder.

Just try and handle the crisis as tactical as you can.What should give you
strenght is your innocence,and by the time we are through with tyhe
transaction,you will have a better ground to be far from your accusers.That
is a sure word because this is a fortune we cant miss.

Things get worse for Sidney:

Quote:

Thank you so much for your support in this tough time I am going
through. I feel like all the world is against me, and it is so nice
to read your encouraging and heartfelt words! The company and the
police still firmly believe that I was involved with the theft, and I
have been placed under house arrest! That means, I am unable to leave
my home for any reason, unless of course, the police come to take me
into custody again.
I am very afraid Michael. I do not know what is going to happen to
me. My wife has left me - she told me she couldn't live under the
same roof as a criminal! My friends won't even talk to me! Why will
noone believe that I am innocent? I feel like I am going to collapse
with the weight of what is happeneing to me.
Please, my friend, pray for me - I have spent days talking to God, but
he won't listen. Perhaps he will listen to such a fine, upstanding
man such as yourself.

Mike really isn't playing ball with the sympathy card, so I try for the "gay bait" modality,

Quote:

One more thing (before the police confiscate my computer again).
Please, please can you send me a personal photo of yourself? If I
have only one friend in the world, I at least like to know what he
looks like! Please, I am begging this of you, because I am sinking
into depression, and a picture of a friend's smiling face will at
least help me to overcome that part of my ordeal!
Love,
Sidney

which also falls flat... Damn, this boy is boring!
Mike tries to send his passport, but no attachment. So, Sidney goes for the sob-story and then goes on to show a slightly more aggressive side to his character!

Quote:

I didn't receive any attachment! I'm also worried that the police
have been hacking into my computer. I'm not sure if they have found
this email address, but I did find some very disturbing and lwed
pictures on my hard drive this morning!
Oh and you won't believe what has happened! Some fucker up at the
Police Blotter, thought it would be a good idea to run a story on me.
The bastard has completely set me up! I swear, when I find out who
did this to me, I going to fucking rip off his head and spit down his
neck!
And my bitch wife has stolen my kids and moved to Paraguay! And even
when I do get out of this mess, I can't even go get them back! I was
arrested there a few years ago when I was on a business trip - some
stupid little drugs thing - and now I'm banned from ever returning.
It looks like my life is getting worse and worse. Please, send me a
photo of yourself. I don't want your passport - that's so impersonal.
Please, just a photo of your smiling, and maybe with a sign saying "I
love Sidney Sheldon". That would make me so happy in this time of
crisis. I really need someone who cares for me right now.

So, I send him the newspaper article (courtesy of Marv!!) http://phpimage.com/images/baiterbaby/newspaper.jpg
Thanks a lot for that Marv - mucho confusing fun for my lads...

In reply to Sidney's heart-felt email, he receives this - time for a slap!

Quote:

I hope u are fine.As it is now,there is a recent development and everything
has been sorted out.Now your name has been slotted in for the transfer of
the fund from the bank abroad and it is really an happy development for us.

Now the importhing needed is your direct and working telephone numbers and
account information.I need to have this information as soon as possible
because the bank needs it to perfect the trannsfer soonest.

Reply me as son as possible so that we can proceed.

Quote:

Why are you being so insensitive? You know full well I'm currently in
prison, and experiencing some really difficult circumstances. Of
course I don't have a telephone number. You remember I told you I was
deaf? I can't beleive you've forgotten that. Is this really you?
You have changed the way you talk to me. Please, prove it to me that
it is really you - in your next email, use the password we agreed upon
before, and then I will know I can trust you.

Ok, I know, very mediocre slap....
I got bored, so didn't reply for a few days, and then sent this:

Quote:

Dear Mike,
Ok, I have had my trial, and I am now in prison. This means that I
now have access to the internet. Thankfully I'm only going to be in
prison for 4 months, for perjury (I told the court clerk that if he
didn't stop his stupid fucking clacking, I'd rip his balls of and make
him eat them...), and the judge let me off the main charge of fraud -
it turns out my crooked lawyer was the one who stole the money! I
knew he was stupid, but still...
I can be in contact with the bank, and would be grateful if you send
my details to them. We also need to change our password - since I am
no longer in favour with the people at Stuff 'n' Lumber, I think it
would be safer to use a different password! Please can you give me a
suitable (difficult to guess) password, and make sure that the bank is
aware they must use it. I will not open any mail without this
password once we are agreed on it. Please send me the password as
soon as possible. Please don't put it in the subject header either -
it needs to be in the main text of the message.

Again with the different side to Mr. Sheldon... The old password was Stuff the Beaver, but after falling out with my company (and getting fired too), I didn't think it was worth using that one any more...

Quote:

I am sorry for the imprisonment even though you were let free from te main
charge.I hope you to come out as quick as possible.

Anyway,i will send your details to the bank in London,but i must say that i
am doing this on total confidence.You how sensitive this matter is and your
lack of freedom may cause us some problem.For instance,if the bank wants you
to come over there,etc

I feel we have to use another password as you said.I think "eagle flies
higher" is ok

Do let me know incase the bank contacts you for the fund.

Remember how far i have gone to stay with and trust you.

At this stage I started to get really bored, and decided to throw my crooked lawyer into the mix. Bless poor Mikey, he wasn't having any of it!

Quote:

Dear Dr. Michael,
I am writing to you about my client, Mr. Sidney Sheldon. He has
authorised me to contact you in respect of this deal. I would also
like you to change the bank details previously given to you to:
Plunder and Flee
24, The Crow Road,
Dunblaine
Acc.: 1419 xxxx 4198 xxxx

As you know, Mr Sheldon is currently in prison, and he has asked me to
deal with this situation on his behalf. Do not worry, this shift will
not affect the deal in any way.

Yours,
James Witherspoon
Lawyer for Sidney Sheldon

Mikey decided he didn't much like James, so...

Quote:

I know quite well that Mr Sidney Sheldon but I dont see this alright because
he has not told me about you or authorised me to deal with you.

Even if I am to continue with you in this transaction,the details you gave
me are incomplete.

I will need to have your full name,your account number(whcih you have given
me already),the name and address of your bank,and your own address.

After receieving this from you,i will see what to do.Do bear in mind that i
do not know you very well yet,If I am to go into this transaction with
you,we will have to sign a bindng agreement.

I decided to confuse him some more when he wrote me about James' nefarious plan...

Quote:

One man wrote me as your lawyer and he is aking me to use his account to
transfer the $8.5m to him.he said he is acting on your behalf,his name is
James Witherspoon.

Let me know what you say and try and reply me immediately.

So I told him...

Quote:

Of course you should not be transferring the money to James. However,
you should be transferring it to the new account. The old one is
being too closely watched by my wife, as well as the police, and a
large sum of money entering it wouldn't help me one little bit.
Please stop wasting my time. I am in a serious predicament right now,
and I need something to run smoothly in my life. If you can't handle
this deal, it might be best to scrap it right now. There has been a
great deal of incompetence surrounding this entire transaction, and to
be honest, I'm not happy about it.

I think Dr. Mike is getting twitchy:

Quote:

I am doubting if really you are the person who wrote this mail.You didnt
prove to me the mail is from you.if it is Really from you,then you have
resend it and put the password.that will make me believe it is you,and i
will reply you accordingly.Remember am doing this in your interest to avoid
interference by any bad person(s).

Probably something to do with the fact he keeps getting emails from James!! Twisted Evil

Quote:

Sincerely you dont sound honest to me.Its seems you are intruding into Mr
Sidney's affairs and you want to use advantage of his present predicament
for your selfish interest.

He didnt tell me anything about you,and you are reluctant to give your
personal details.

I dont want to have anything to do with you if you cannot come out open.

So James wrote:

Quote:

I did not much appreciate the tone in your last email, and I will warn
you now that if you do not work with me in this, I will immediately
tell Sidney exactly what you are. And don't try to bluff me - I KNOW
what you are. Does the word 419 mean anything to you?
Work with me, and we can both walk out of this rich men - Sidney has a
lot of money, despite his recent "misfortunes", and together we can
relieve him of some of it!
Double-cross me, and you will live to regret it...

Ok, so my efforts at sounding mean really didn't work out well. But I have high hopes for this particular character at a later stage, so we'll see...

Quote:

now know your type.I cannot succomb to your threat and you know it,you have proved to me that yoyu are very dishonest and for that i dont have anything to do with you.I hae heard of your questionable stance and i now believe it.

Dont try to mess yourself up with me ok,i dont need people like you at all.

So poor Mikey starts getting nervous every time I forget to put the password in my mails... Which, incidentally, happens every time...
My next ploy involves a break-out from the prison, just as the whole deal seems to be nearly concluded! This last email is what I sent to him today, just to give him some warning...

Quote:

Yes, the bank contacted me, but did not give me a website address. As
soon as they do that, I can open my new account.
I am so looking forward to meeting you - Scotland is an amazing
country. Let me know what dates you would like to come, and I can try
to arrange hotels, since my house is currently the property of the
bank!
I'm feeling really good today. Snake, one of the people I share my
cell with, recently managed to escape the cell after lock-down, so
security has been really tight since, but he did manage to push some
interesting things through the bars of the cell before he was caught.
He even managed to get a gun and a set of keys! So, me, Snake and
Ratty are going to try get out of here. I think I should go now,
because my parole isn't due for another 2 months, and I'm completely
fed up... I'll let you know how it goes!

I know it's not great, but I'm pretty proud of it as a first proper effort! Any comments or suggestions highly welcome...
Cheers!
BB

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3

Brilliant stuff. I especially like the fact that you are sharing a cell with someone called Snake. Ace! Keep up the good work and push for some trophies.

Guest

Paraguay is nice touch.

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