Minibait - I am not a bot

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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:27 pm

Mostly, this one made me laugh because of the initial approach letter. It's short, it's a bit silly, and it wasn't much of a time-waster, but it was fun while it lasted. I get this lovely missive.

Quote:

Hi,please can i have your attention for a moment?i am not a bot.

Would you like to work online from home and get paid weekly?
H & L LIMITED needs a book-keeper in your country,so i want to know if
you will like to work online from home and getting paid weekly without
leaving
or affecting your present job?

It's just that i presently run a textile and fabrics firm i inherited from
My late Dad in the UK and we need someone to work for the company as a
representative/book keeper in your country
My company produces various clothing materials,batiks,assorted fabrics

and traditional costume which we have clients we supply weekly.

My clients make payments for our supplies every week, which are not
readily cashable outside the Usa, so we need you to work in your country
as our representative and assist us in processing the payments from our

clients .

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE THIS PAYMENTS FROM OUR CLIENTS IN THE
STATES
GET IT CASHED IN YOUR BANK THEN DEDUCT YOUR WEEKLY PAY AND FOWARD THE
BALANCE
TO THE COMPANY DOWN HERE VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR AS YOU ARE
BEEN
ADVISED TO DO.

SO ALL I NEED IS TO FOWARD YOUR INFORMATIONS TO OUR CLIENTS AND
THEY WILL ISSUE PAYMENTS ON YOUR NAME THEN SEND IT TO YOU VIA MAIL OR
COURIER.

So i will need is your full name,address and phone numbers so we can foward

it to our clients and they will start making payments to u as the
company'representative
.

I WILL EMAIL YOU A LETTER OF EMPLOYMENT FROM OUR COMPANY WHICH YOU HAVE

TO REPLY WITH AN ACCEPTANCE LETTER AND A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR
INDETIFICATION ATTACHED TO IT.

AS SOON AS WE CONFIRM ANY PAYMENT COMING TO YOU I WILL LET YOU KNOW
AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION TO SEND FUNDS TO THE COMPANY VIA WESTERN
UNION
MONEY TRANSFER.

YOU CAN REACH ME WITH MY PRIVATE EMAIL:[email protected]

BEST REGARD,

WALTER SMITH.

Okay, so, apparently book-keeping and being a check mule somehow became the same thing...

Since he is not a bot, I decide to respond.

Quote:

I'm interested in the following job.

Hannah Lanham

And they say companies are cold and heartless. Why, he even asks about my family...

Quote:

Dear Hannah Lanham,
This is to Acknowledge the receipt of your email,how are you and your family hope all is well.i we like you to send to me your full contact details as soon as possible, so that we can commence further.

Am so sorry for not reply you since becuase am so much busy that is the reason why you have not hear from me.

Thank you so much and my regard to your family

Have a nice weekend,
Walter Smith.

I'm not so warm and fuzzy in return.

Quote:

> Dear Hannah Lanham,
> This is to Acknowledge the receipt of your email,how are you and your family
hope all is well.i we like you to send to me your full contact details as soon
as possible, so that we can commence further.

You can call me at *k7 number removed*, if you like.

>
> Am so sorry for not reply you since becuase am so much busy that is the
>reason why you have not hear from me.

Like I'm not busy? I just got back from a business trip. It's not like I just
sit around here waiting for you to email me.

Hannah

Dear, me, forgot to tell him where to send it!

Quote:

I'm so scatterbrained after getting back from this trip. I suppose you need
the address to send the checks to, don't you? I normally receive my mail at a
secure, private post office box. The address is

*safe mailing address removed*

Do you need any other information in order to hire me? References? Tax
information? Or do I need to report the earnings as self-employment income?

Hannah

Here begins the tug of war between me and Walter. For some reason ( I was busy, maybe that was it...) I decide to be contrary after this email.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

I received your email is well noted and understood. i we like to inform you that you are send to me your full bank account details as soon as possible so that the funds can be remite into your account as soon as possible.

and i we keep you update on telephone today as soon as i resoon office ok?.

Regard,

Walter Smith.

Or maybe Walter just ticked me off by mailing me twice in a row.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for the details,but you sould also send to me your bank account detail so that i will send it to them,for them to send to you the check so please try and send it immediately you recive these message.

bye

Walter

And again...

Quote:

Dear Hannah,

Thanks for the details,but you sould also send to me your bank account details and your private telephone numbers for easier communication,so please try and send it immediately you recive these message.

bye

Walter

Are you sure you're not a bot, Walter?

I'm summat less than cooperative. Maybe I just felt like hitting Walter with the logic stick.

Quote:

Bank account? I thought you said in the initial email that we would be
processing payments by check. In that case, you only need my mailing address.
Why would you need my bank account in order for me to process payments by
check?

Hannah

In fact, I club him with it twice.

Quote:

If you will recheck my first message, you'll find I have already provided you
with my phone number. And until you can sufficiently explain why I need to
provide my bank account details in order to cash checks on your behalf and
send a portion of it to you, minus my commission, I'll wait to provide that.

Hannah

Walter is not the world's best at explaining things.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

How are you today,

I so worried regard your mail cos you to send to me your bank account information so that there we be process payment to your destination account as soon as possible.

all you have to do now is for you send the details very fast so that the funds we be remit to your provided account ok?.

Thank so much for you understanding and my regard to your family,

Have a nice day

Walter Smith.

So, I'm going to send you a check by mail, but I need YOUR bank account info? Moo? Is this guy hearing himself?

Okay, now I'm just taking the piss.

Quote:

>
>
> Dear hannah,
>
> How are you today,
>
> I so worried regard your mail cos you to send to me your bank account
information so that there we be process payment to your destination account
as soon as possible.

But you're not SENDING a payment directly to my account. You said your clients
would be sending me CHECKS, which I would then cash, and send you a portion.
There is no REASON for you to have my bank account. YOU'RE not depositing the
money to my account, I AM. There is NO REASON for you, or a person sending me
a check to process for you, would need to know my bank account.

If you continue to insist that you need my bank account in order to process
check payments from your clients, I think I shall be forced to accept a
similar position with Perkins and Breck. I applied for the same job there just
a few days ago, and they don't require a bank account. They simply let their
clients send me the checks directly, I cash them, and forward the balance to
them via Western Union, keeping my commission.

Perkins and Breck didn't ask for my bank account. Once you started asking for
it, I even asked them if they would be needing it later and they said no. They
said there was no reason for them to have my bank account, and they couldn't
imagine why you would want it, either. They give the clients my address, the
client sends the check, I cash it, keep my commission and wire the rest. You
described the position with your company the same way. If that's not accurate,
you need to revise your job description so applicants know what job they're
applying to do.

Hannah

I bet Walter's not used to this.

Big on this "imploring" business, isn't he?

Quote:

Dear hannah,

I received your mail the content is well clearly noted and well understood,

regard your mail, you know this funds is going to wire direct to your destination account so that you can cash the funds and send the portion to my client in uk okay?.

that is the reason why i request for your bank information ok.

please i implore you to act fast so that the money we be wire to you as soon as possible

Have a nice weekend,

Walter Smith.

Meh, I decide to let Walter drown in his own illogic. I send him a parting shot, and he goes away.

Quote:

No. That makes no sense. If your client can wire money to my bank account,
they can wire money to your bank account. Or your client should be the one
asking for my bank account information if they need to send it to me, not you.
Forget it. I think you're a fraud.

Hannah

Not terribly exciting, but there you are. Proof you can waste a bit of lad time and have his head hurting in only a few emails.

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