Stella II: The Next Generation (9/7: The End!)

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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:30 pm

Can't the lads think of any other names? Seriously! They just keep recycling the same ol' Usmans, Charles Saludos, Mariam Abachas, and most importantly of all, Stella Sigcau.

Ah yes. Stella. I remember her corpulent fat-body like it was yesterday. Stella was easily Jude Joe's closest rival in her cocker spaniel like intellect, and in her own way, Stella was a tad more fun. Click here and walk with me down memory lane.

Therefore, for very sentimental reasons, I was touched by the letter from yet another iteration of Stella Sigcau. This time, she is reincarnated as an orphan whose daddy left her millions before he got ebola/killed by rebels/went blind from masturbating.

I knew this bait was going to be something very special just from the subject line (emphasis mine)...

Quote:

Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 18:57:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To: [email protected]

DEAR SIR / MADAN,

I START BY INTRODUCING MY AS STELLA SIGCAU AND MY
ONLY BROTHER MIKE SIGCAU, FROM ACCRA GAHNA. I WANT
SHARE THIS SORROW NEWS WITH YOU, FOR YOU TO ASSIST US
AS FATHER, MOTHER.
FIRST, MY MOTHER DEAD 2001 IN MOTOR ACCIDENT DURING
THE 2001 ELECTION CRISIS IN GHANA,

FATHER WHO WAS IN TO TOBACCO BUSINESS, BY NAME
DR TATA SIGCAU ON SEVENTH OF JUEL THIS YEAR, MY
FATHER WAS AMONG IN ATTACT CRASH THAT HAPPENED IN
LONDON. SINCE
THEN, WE HAVE BEEN IN PAIN WITHOUT PARENTS.

AFTER SOME WEEKS I DISCUVER SOME DOCUMENT THAT MY
FATHER HAVE $10,500, 000,00.DALLORS (TEN, MILLON FIVE
HUNDRED THOUSAND DALLORS.) IN BANK OF GHANA.

SIR /MA. THAT IS WHILE I CONTACT YOU TO ASSIST US TO
RECEIVE THIS FUND AS A FOREIGN BENEFICIARY IN TO YOUR
ACCOUNT AND PROMISE THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE ME AND MY
SISTER AS SOON AS THE FUND COME TO YOU ACCOUNT, SO
THAT WE CAN CONTIUN OUR EDUCTION PLEASE HELP SO THAT
WE CAN CONTIUN OUR EDUCTION.

MY LATE FATHERS BROTHERS HAVE SHARED ALL MY FATHER
PROPERTY, WITHOUT GIVE US ANY, PLEASE THIS IS ONLY
WHAT LEFT FOR US.

I WILL OFFER YOU 20% FOR THE TOTAL MONEY, WHICH IS
($2.100,000.oo DALLORS). (TWO MILLON, ONE HUNDRED
THOUSAND DALLORS.) PLEASE I WILL BE DELIGHTED TO HEAR
FROM YOU.

REGARD,

STELLA SIGCAU.

I HAVE TROUBLE????? Right here in River City! Starts with a capital "S", rythms with "ram" and that stands for 'scam!!!' I need to go see "The Music Man" again. What a great show. Laughing

Quote:

Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 06:51:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

Dearest Stella:

I read of your plight and it really touched my special place. Let me know if there is anything I can do to get your money.

Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 07:22:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,
Thanks for your reply and to promise me that you will
help me in this condition I�m now. I pray that
almighty God pray for will bless you for that primrose
for your. this money is only what left for me and my
only brother here in this world we find it difficult
to feed our self here now in Ghana.

But what we need must now is if you can tell that you
will assist us to welcome this fund in to your account
and promise to help us too invest it in a good
business in your account please reply.

If you have anything to give us you are free to do
that , basically now is money problem please help.
we need your contact plz.

Looking for to hear from you now .

Stella & mike brother.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 13:37:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

Dearest Stellllaaaa!

It sure does sound like you and your brother are in a world of pig excrement! Well, don't worry your pretty little swollen head one bit, because I will take you and your brother out of whatever latrine of a country you live in right now! That's right! I want to adopt you children!

First, I must ask how old you are. Secondly, can you send me a picture of yourself? This will help me get all the modalities in place for me to legally adopt you and get your money. This will be a win-win situation for all of us, Stella.

You must be wondering what kind of man I am. Let me tell you. I too am familiar with loss, as I am a 52 year old widower. My late wife Althea Flynt passed away in an unspeakable bathing-lady accident after she dropped the toaster into our Italian marble heart shaped bathtub. I would like to say that she went peacefully, but the animal like shrieks of agony told me otherwise. The smell of burning flesh is difficult to get out of curtains and your heart. At least she left me with all the smack I could handle, but I sold most of it to Courtney Love to pay off back taxes.

Write back soonest!
Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 14:50:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To:

DEAR SIR ,
THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY AGAIN,
I WILL LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS ONLY WHAT LEFE
FOR ME AND MY BROTHER IN THIS LIFE,AS YOU HAVE PROMISE
HELP WE ARE HAPPY THIS DAY TO HEAR FROM AND NOW THINK
AS WE AHVE PARENT AGAIN IN THIS LIFE. I PRAY THAT ONE
DAY WILL ALL WILL SEE AS A FAMILY .PLEASE I DISDUSS
WITH THE LAWYER TODAY AND HE TOLD THAT YOU SHOULD GUVE
ME ALL YOUR CONTACT TO ENABLE HIM DO ALL THE DOCUMENT
AS THE OWNER FOR THIS FUND IN YOUR NAME.

PLEASAE IF YOU HAVE ANY THING PLEASE SEND TO US SO
THAT WE CAN BE EATING TO THEN PLEASE SIR.

Write back soonest!
STELLA & MIKE

Quote:

Date: Sat, 13 Aug 2005 05:21:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To:

Dear sir ,
Is unfortunate that we cannot hear from you to day.
How is life with you? Please we discuss for the
document in your name for the transaction to
continue. this is because me and my brother have
come to conclusion that you will be the beneficiary
for this fund who can take care for us to continue our
education.

the lawyer is demending $250usd to document all the
change for ownership on your name as the truth owner
for this fund .please you know that we have know money
with us here now ,we are asking if you can assist for
the lawyer to contiune the with the document please.
send me your full name and address to enable the
lawyer it fast please Sir.

we are looking forward to hear from you soon.

stella.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 11:00:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: I HAVE TROUBLE??????
To:

PLease Sir,
we are waiting to hear from you plz.you can contact us
in this unmber 0233-277-391617.
please we are waiting toi from you Sir.

we love you sir.

As always, don't call. Especially don't give out the number to the lads on Ergot's Insulting Mass Bait thread. That would be simply churlish of you. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 11:51:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: My precious
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

STeeeellllaaaaa!!!!

Gonorrheal blessings to you and your family! I certainly hope that everything is fine for you today. I am so sorry that I did not write back sooner, but I went huinting this weekend with some friends in Florida. There is a troop of rhesus monkeys that live out there, and I bagged 4 of them. What you do is take a large apple on the end of a chain for bait, and then harpoon them in the back when they reach for it. There is nothing more exhilirating than sending cold barbed steel through their greedy little bellies at 200mph. Some may say its cruel, but they don't often say that after tasting the delicious, succulent monkey flesh slow roasted to perfection over an open flame.

Anyway, I didn't get your emails until this morning. May I ask just who does this lawyer think he is to ask you and you starving little brother for money? I know many lawyers who will service me for free using the old rub and tug modality. Send me your lawyer's contact information, and I will set him straight. It sounds like you need a big daddy to come save you. Please call me "Daddy" from now on.

I plan on adopting you children. But before I do, I must ask your ages. This became a problem when I tried to adopt my 16-year old Korean housegirl last winter, along with her 18-year old sister. It all turned out ok, especially when their first words in English were "who's yo daddy!" Also, if you have a picture to send of yourself, I would really appreciate that.

Sieg Hiel! Your loving daddy,
Larry Flynt

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:10 pm

Dr. Tata Sigcau? That should be good for a "I LOVE MY TATAS" or "MONEY FOR MY TATAS" pic or something.

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:41 am

Ahh there's nothing like a Larry and Stella bait. What a great way to pass a lazy work day Smile

_________________
Mercedes Benz 200

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 7:04 pm

Quote:

Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 05:44:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: My precious
To:

Thanks Daddy,
For your mail :me and my sister are happy to hear from you today.please this is the lawyer Phone unmber; 0233-243-64 32 96 .
Email address. [email protected]
Name Barrister Steve Williams.

PLEASE DADDY YOU CAN CALL US WITH THIS UNMBER .0233-277-391167. WE HAPPYN AGAIN IN THIS WORLD TO HAVE YOU AS OUR FATHER . PLEASE DADDY WE ASK IF YOU CAN SEND SOME MONEY HERE NOW WE HAVE NO MONEY TO EAT PLEASE , EVEN IF $100d please. WAITING FOR YOUR CALL OR MAIL.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU DADDY.

STELLA & MIKE.

PLEASE TRY TO TELL US AS SOON AS YOU REACH THE LAWYER.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 09:50:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: My precious
To:

please this our picture.we ;love you.please can you
send us some money please daddy.send us your picture.

The little darlings:

Dude! What is up with that eye??!?! Laughing

And for a poor, starving African child, she doesn't exactly look like she has missed many meals to me. She also looks like a blank canvas for Reprob8's polydactlic art!

Quote:

Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 15:17:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: My precious
To:

Please daddy ,

sorry for that worry unmber i give you.this is real unmber please.no;00233-277-391167 plz call this no now.my friend that give me that unmber make mistake plz bear with me daddy.

waiting for you call.

stella.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 11:43:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: Re: My precious
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

Dearest STELLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Coprophilia blessings to you and your brother! I have received the photos of you two wonderful children. I will keep them close to me as I touch myself. Stella, I am a little worried about your wandering right eye. I don't mean to scare you, but that could certainly be an early sign of a brain tumor. I had an uncle Ron Jeremy who died very very quickly after being diagnosed with a BRAIN TUMOR. We had no idea that was what made him have a wandering eye, and we kids all felt really bad after he died in such hellish agony about the cruel jokes that we made about his eye, both to his face and behind his back. He laughed on the outside, but I later realized that he was crying all the time on the inside. My cousin said it was justice for when he made us play "hide the salami" and "polish my bishop" when we were little kids, but I think that was just heartless. Even when he was a drooling vegetable on life support, we still couldn't sneak up on him because of that eye. He would always react to us, especially when cousin Kevin came to visit. Kevin would twist Uncle Ron's left nut about 720 degrees, and then squeeze on it as hard as he could while whispering 'payback's a bitch' into Uncle Ron's ear. Of course all our dear uncle could do was make whimpering noises through his respirator while tears of suffering rolled down his corpulent cheeks. But I digress.

Well Stella, I must say that things are going really well here at my business. We just got done filming an all male World War II movie with Peter North and Steven St. Croix called "Shaving Ryan's Privates". It received a very warm reception at its premiere, and there wasn't a dry lap in the house by the time the credits rolled. Next time, I think we're going to go for some edgier fare, like a retrospecitive on non-consenual nun-fisting. Bottom line, Stella, I'm swimming in the benjamins right now, and I would love to send you and your brother some money so that you can maybe buy a plane ticket out of Chad and come to California and live with me at my house! My bedroom has its own alarm, and there are motion sensors to see if anybody if coming down the hallway, if you know what I mean. You do live in Chad, don't you?

I have my picture of me hard at work in my office. It is very tastefully decorated, as you can see. I plan on contacting your lawyer so that I can get the ball rolling on your indentured servitude contracts and get you out of Africa!

Love always,

Big Daddy Larry Flynt

With any luck, she'll be convinced that there is a massive tumor in that thick ass skull of hers. Usually when I say "I don't mean to scare you", what I really mean is "I hope this causes you to stare at the ceiling at 3am in a cold sweat of mortal terror!" Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:13 pm

I get so much shit in my catcher account, its only by pure luck that I pulled this one out of the fire before I had Molly Ringwald send him a mass-insult about wanting to set his children on fire after she rapes his goats.

Quote:

From: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
To:
Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 12:59:34 +0000
Subject: LEGAL ASSISTANCE.

ATTN: MR. LARRY FLYNT SIR, TOADYING BEEN 18TH AUGUST 2005 ONE MR. MIKE AND MS. STELLA WHO HAPPENINGS TO BE MY CLIENTS CAME TO MY OFFICE THIS MORNING AS REGARDS TO THEIR LATE FATHERS FUND LEFT IN WITH BANK OF GHANA. PLEASE YOU HAVE TO CONTACT US AND GIVE US THE CLEAR PICTURE OF WHAT YOU WANT MY CHAMBERS TO DO FOR YOU, BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS AT YOUR SERVICE. FINALLY, MIKE AND STELLA ASKED ME TO ESTABLISH COMMUNICATION WITH YOU IN THE RESPECT OF THEIR PRESENT SITUATION. ANTICIPATING RECEIVING FORM YOU SOONEST, YOURS IN SERVICE, BARRISTER STEVE STEVE CHAMBERS. ADVOCATE AND SOLICITORS,. ACCRA, GHANA. PHONE: 00233 243 64 32 96

As always, don't call. That number not to call again is 00233 243 64 32 96.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 07:10:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: My precious
To:

Dear Daddy,
Good morning today . we are happy to hear from you
and hope one day, we will be with you .
i went to the lawyer office yerstday to know if you
have contacted him, but he told me that you have not
why daddy?so you want us to be here , please if you
love us and our life please call the lawyer, reach
him in email OR call him on phone unmber i give you.

but nevertheless we have please with him to contact
you which i know it may done that by now.but if not
please call him daddy if you still love us as your
children, we are passing so many pain here we are
to-day we have no happeness in this life.
As i have told you before now that you are the only
one we have in this world and trust, we have know
money with us we would have buy a phone so that we can
call you.
we are waiting for your reply again for good, that
you have reach the barrister.

Regards,
children stella & mike.

Time passes...

Quote:

Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2005 13:29:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: I need your phone number
To:

Dear Daddy,

How are you today?Hope you are doing fine.I am suprise i have not heard from you in a while.Is everything okay?Anyway,i talked with the lawyer again today .This time around he sounds better.He said that he will be going to the bank tomorrow morning to enquire from the bank about the process and their requirement.He asked me for your number but i do not have it so i told him i will get it from you.His email is [email protected] ,I would like you to send him your number if you can so that we get start immediatly.Hope to hear from you soonest.Thanks

stella & mike.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 22 Aug 2005 10:56:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: PRAISE BE TO JESUS JONES, AMEN!!!!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

STELLLAAAAA!!!!

My dearest Stella, I am back in black as the gospel group ACDC might say! You see, on August 18, I was trimming my bush when I was bitten on the thigh by an one eyed Alabama trouser snake! This is a venomous creature, Stella. I tried to suck the poison out myself, but it was in a hard spot to get to, even for an ex-autofellatio champion like myself. I was taken to the hospital soon after, and could have died, Stella!!! I was knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door!!! I had many dreams with a light at the end of a long tunnel and the delightful smell of brimstone. But my doctor, Dr. Hugh G. Rection, pulled me through with his brilliant, cutting edge colonic treatment modalities. Although he frequently had both hands on my shoulders during his 'digital exams', I know that he has my best interest at heart.

Long story short, Stella, I'm home now and recovering nicely. Without Jesus and Dr. Rection, I might be worm food right now. And when I die, Stella, your hope will die with me. Always remember that!

It wasn't until this morning that I was able to check my email. I have to admit that I am very confused now. First I got an email from Steve Chambers, who says he represents you, and then you tell me to go with a John Kwame as my bannister. This is most perplexing to me. What is even more confusing is that Steve Chambers says he is a country called Ghanna. I can't find it on a map anywhere. I don't understand how a bannister from this country can be an expert on the law in Chad. You are in Chad, aren't you? I've always wanted to visit there.

Don't give up hope, Stella! We'll get this sorted out one way or another!

Much unctuous love from your big white daddy,

Larry Flynt

Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:15 pm

More Stella fun!

Quote:

Date: Mon, 22 Aug 2005 17:36:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: PRAISE BE TO JESUS JONES, AMEN!!!!
To:

Daddy,
i most say that i;m sorry for that sichness , and pray
that it will not happen again, for us here we are try
to live you know you promise to send us some thing
about money that we will be using to eat here to the
time for our coming there, but couldn;t see that , i
know is because for this problem daddy, Daddy please
if you have any thing please to us we have nothing to
eat any no money with me and my brother here.
And for the lawyer the first one i give his email the
one my friend told that she know about latter i see is
not the lawyer to work with , that is the one that
take ghana to ghanna, please forget him and contact
the one i send to you new.
please daddy remember that we are surffering here we
are now please do some thing for our now .i;m now sick
also now , which i suppose to go to hospita but know
money with me.

please daddy contact the lawyer and if you have any
thing to send please daddy do now we need that .and
remember we love and pray that nothing will happen to
you.

wauting for daddy reply.
stella & mike.

As usual, I fuck up and mail the wrong lawyer.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 14:47:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details
Subject: Assist me. Legally!
To: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]>

Dearest Bannister Steve Chambers:

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Larry Flynt, and I am wanting to adopt by whatever means necessary, Miss Stella Sigcow and optionally her brother. She is an orphan who lives in Chad. We have spoken with each other over email several times, and I consider them as my own children.

Please tell me in what way it would be best for me to take them. I can offer you cash, but I do not know what the going rate for African orphans is. If I have to put them into indentured servitude, then I am more than willing to make that sacrifice. All I want is them delivered to me unharmed so that we may obtain fair market value for them.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

...cue up the theme to my favorite slasher flick, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

Quote:

Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 14:59:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details
Subject: Dreams come true, Stella!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSSTTTEEEELLLLAAAAAA!!!!

Herpetic blessings to you and your brother! I was so pleased to have recieved your last correspondence! I sent a letter of interest to the first lawyer, just like you said for me to do! Maybe by this time next week, you can be in the United States, washing my clothes, giving me handjobs and mopping my floors. In return, I will give you free room and board until you can get back on your feet. I have a cabin in the woods miles away from civilization that I like to go to on the weekends. Its a quiet retreat, a place where you could get lost and never be heard from again! Its a perfect little retreat for a John Wayne Gacy type like myself, especially with the dirt floor cellar and all the empty 55 gallon steel drums I have down there. I had Jeffrey Dahmer over the other day, and he thought the single dirty bare light bulb swinging from the ceiling added a really cozy touch to the decor. You and your brother will like it too.

You asked for my phone number, and I forgot to get it for you. Well, I didn't forget this time, Stella! My phone number is 206-495-6510. As for begging Stella, it says in the bible that if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day but if you teach a man to fish you feed him forever. Maybe you can learn how to fish! I'd love to show you sometime, but I've never fished sober. Don't worry about getting stuff to eat, Stella. You look pretty famine-resistant to me, if you know what I mean.

Keep those five chins of yours up, because hope is on the way, Stella! Your loving white daddy,

Larry Flynt

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:42 pm

Is Stella beginning to suspect that Larry isn't quite the easy touch that she initially thought? Is she getting concerned that I want to bury her in a steel drum in the dirt cellar of a cabin in the middle of nowhere? Did my "Dreams come true" subject line now make an impression? Will the Chiefs win the AFC championship this year? Has Paris Hilton finally found true love with a swishy Greek gazillionaire named... uh..... Paris?

Quote:

Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2005 16:40:02 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
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Subject: Re: Dreams come true, Stella!
To:

Dear Daddy,

Thanks for your reply, but daddy try to write us fast please we are not happy to hear from you for two days now .you said that you have contacted the attorney that is every good new for me, for the number you give to have your number but daddy you have to understand that here we are now we have no money with us to call you. As you promise us that you will send us some money to use for feeding for now to the time of our coming to U.S, please I still most have to thanks for you work to us as a daddy. We love AND love to have you as daddy.

Please daddy I will try to update the attorney about your reply now. And please if you have any thing to send to your children here please daddy do. Even if is $50usd we can use it for one week please daddy. You for now our father brother do not do any thing for us again since our father died. I want to know that a day without your word to us make I every big different pain again in our life, before we see this you reply mike as me if you have forgot us, please I want to remind you that we have nobody then you now in this world, please don�ft abandon us please try as daddy to help to be with you.

Try as such as you can to reach us every day please. And if still love our please we need some money to feed our self for now. BIG DADDY WE PRAY EVERY DAY THAT GOD ALMIGHTY WE WILL BLESS FOR US AND KEEP YOUR LIFE LONG AND LONG.

Waiting for your reply lovely reply again. You can call us with this number +233-277-391167.WE ARE WAITING FOR YOUR CALL AND REPLY IMMEDIATERY DADDY.

Stella & Mike.

It looks like the bannister can help me out! (...for a nominal fee)

Quote:

From: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
To:
Date: Thu, 25 Aug 2005 09:47:23 +0000
Subject: LEGAL ASSISTANCE UPDATE.

ATTN: MR. LARRY FLYNT SIR, TODAY WE HAVE ESTABLISHED WITH MISS. STELLA AND MIKE SIGCAU HERE IN ACCRA GHANA .WE HEREBY CONVEY OUR ACCEPTANCE AS SOLICITOR OF HIGH STANDARD, PROMISE TO GIVE YOU THE BEST OF OUR SERVICES AND TO SATISFACTORILY CARRY OUT YOUR CASE TO YOUR BENEFIT .I HAVE GONE THROUGH YOUR MAIL AND WILL HELP YOU IN PROCEEDING THE WHOLE DOCUMENTS NEEDED IF ONLY YOU CAN ABIDE BY OUR INSTRUCTIONS. LIKE I DID MENTIONED TO MY CLIENTS, I WILL WORK ON YOUR BEHALF IF ONLY MY FEES IS PAID WITHOUT HITCH. WE COLLECT OUR PAYMENT BEFORE WE START YOUR ASSIGNMENT. MY CHAMBERS TERMS AND CONDITION ARE AS FOLLOWS- (1). YOU MAKE YOUR PAYMENT OF OUR LEGAL CHARGES THROUGH MY NAME DETAILED BELOW. (2) OUR CHAMBERS CONSULTATION FEES US$1,250.00 (3) CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP AND STAMP DUTY FEE IN JUSTICE MINISTRY US$1,750.00 (4) OUR CHAMBERS RETAINERS FEES US$1,640. (5) TOTAL OF THE WHOLE FEES US$4,640.00. YOU ARE ADVISED TO PAY USD$2,640.00 WHILE THE BALANCE WILL BE PAID LATER TO THIS CHAMBERS WHEN WE FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENT. ALL THIS HAS TO BE DONE THROUGH MY NAME (EMODI STEVE CHIBUEZE) YOU CAN SEND THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEY GRAM AS IT THE FASTEST WAY OF SENDING AND RECEIVING MONEY WORLD WIDE. YOU HAVE TO SEND US POWER OF ATTORNEY YOU ARE ADVICE TO SEND US WITH THE PAYMENT SLIP CONTROL NUMBERS SECRET QUESTIONS AND ANSWER FOR US TO RECEIVE OUR PAYMENT TO AVOID DELAY. MY CHAMBERS IS CAPABLE TO HANDLE THIS ISSUE. BE INFORMED THAT YOU ARE TO FILL THIS POWER OF ATTORNEY AND RETURNED BACK WITH THE PAYMENT SPLIP. FINALLY, UPON THE RECEIPT OF THIS FORM AND OUR LEGAL CHARGES WE WILL START UP YOUR ASSIGNMENT IN THE JUSTICE MINISTRY. SEND ME YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBERS YOUR FULL ADDRESS TO ENABLE US MAKE THE ENDORSMENT ON YOUR BEHALF. ANTICIPATING HEARING FROM YOU. YOURS IN SERVICE, BARRISTER STEVE EMODI (ESQ) STEVE CHAMBER. ADVOCATE & SOLICITORS. ACCCRA, GHANA. TELEPHONE:00233 243 64 32 96

I want to pop their heads like giant pimples after reading this. Hopefully she's not kidding about the suicide threat.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 05:14:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: UNHAPPY DADDY WHAT HAPPEN ?
To:

DEAR DADDY,
WHAT HAVE WE DONE THAT YOU DOES NOT WANT TO CALL AND
MAIL US DADDY WHY? HAVE FORGOT US HERE TO DIE, PLEASE
DADDY WE ASK IN THE NAME FOR THE LORD TO REPLY PLEASE
, YOU TOLD THAT YOU HAVE CONTACTED THE ANY PROBLEM
BETWEEN TWO FOR YOU ,PLEAASE TELL I;M NOT HAPPY FOR
SOME DAYS THAT YOU HAVE NOT REPLY TO OUR MAIL TO YOU
WHY,YOU REMEMBER YOU PROMISE TO BE LOVE AND TO TAKE US
AS YOUR CHILDREN WHY ALL THIS .I CANNOT SLEEP THINKING
WHAT WE BE THE PROBLEM ARE YOU SICK AGAIN , GOD
FORBITE THAT FOR YOU.PLEASE DADDY IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU
TAKE AS WE DO PLEASE REPLY OR CALL US NOW PLZ.

I WILL KILL MYSELF IF I CAN NOT HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
STELLA UNHAPPY ,MIKE UNHAPPY.

Clever ol' me finds a way to make dreams come true and save a few bucks along the way!

Quote:

Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 09:09:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: Re: LEGAL ASSISTANCE UPDATE.
To: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]>

Dearest Bannister Steve Chambers:

Necrophilia greetings! I have read your email and understood its contents! What I don't understand is the outrageous prices you are asking for for your 'legal fees'. Steve, I happen to know a little something about Africa. You people are just minutes away from yet another genocidal tribal war, so what diffrence does it really make if we proceed along legal channels or not? You want your fees, and by the time anybody notices two missing orphans, your country will be knee deep in blood and corpses. I will be even longer before the western media gives enough of a shit to pay attention and many months afterwards before the UN sends in a crack force of Peruvians to "keep the peace" and sell your daughters for opium.

What I propose instead is that I send you money for plane tickets for Stella and her brother from their mud hut in Chad to here in the United States where we build with brick. Of course, there might be some unnecessary expenses involved with visas, so an alternate method of delivery would be through Federal Express or UPS. I will cover your expenses for a crate (remember to drill holes so they can breathe) and food and water to give them before you nail the lid down. The Chinese often use this time-proven modality to smuggle themselves into the United States. If Stella and her brother are as starving as they say they are, a crate of sufficient size should not be hard to come up with. Also include an empty bottle for bodily wastes.

Run the numbers, Steve and let me know what you come up with!
Thanks,
Larry Flynt

Time for a slap. I wonder if they've ever seen Silence of the Lambs?

Quote:

Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 09:19:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details
Subject: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

STTTEEELLLLAAAAAAA!!!!!

Blessings of the famine to you! Oh, you are a sassy little bitch, aren't you? Not only am I working day and night to secure your release from that god-forsaken asshole you call a country, but I also have a multi-million dollar magazine and multi-media empire to fucking run. And for thanks, you send me your email complaining that I don't call you every fucking minute of the day. Well let me tell you a few things, my little jungle hoochie:

1) If I want any lip out of you, I'll wipe it off my zipper.

2) I am your only hope. You need to show a little respect.

3) Money doesn't grow in trees, Stella. You need to earn it.

4) Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

I hope I have made myself abundantly clear, Stella. I wish I could spank you myself, long and hard. I would spank you until you couldn't stand it and begged for the sweet release of my lovenozzle.

If you are really sorry, send me a picture of yourself or your brother holding a sign that says "IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN". Stella, this will show me that you are truly remorseful for your wicked and ungrateful feelings.

In other news, I have contacted to lawyer further to adopt you. But after that last email, I don't know if I really want to have you for children now. There are plenty of boys that I can hook up with through the NAMBLA modality, and I wonder if you are going to be more trouble than you are worth.

Your corpulent white daddy,

Larry Flynt

Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 3:39 pm

I think Stella just detected that her big white daddy is really close to leaving her to die in Chad without any largess from the ol' WU!

Quote:

Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 12:25:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: DADDY I;M SORRY FOR ANYTHING I DO WORRY PLZ.
To:

Dear Daddy,

Good day,

I most tell you that i;m sorry if i have done some thing worry , i;m very very sorry and promise that it will not happen again, please daddy what i wil like you to know is that for this world now you are only whom we know as parent . we love too much only you mail make us happy as we are with you, please do not live us here please try as much as you can for we to live with you please daddy.

what do the lawyer told you, we have not hear from him but he only told that he have contacted you and hope that all we be ok.please i want to know if then is any problem between you and the lawyer,

for asking you for money that only that we have feel and taken you now as our father again , so dose not know that it will mike you unhappy, please sorry and i will not do it again , God will help us for feeding .

we are hoping to hear from you for and promise that you have forgiven me , we try to call your number to day but it was not trun.

i pray that God almighty we bless you and keep your life long for we to stay with you as a good father again, because now we are passing a big pain and suffering now in ghana.

thanks and God bless daddy.

stella and mike.

I cant believe the bannister hasn't called me out after the last email.

Quote:

From: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
To:
Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 20:52:47 +0000
Subject: LEGAL ASSISTANCE UPDATE.

ATTN: LARRY FLYNT

SIR,

BE INFORMED THAT LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL CHARGES ARE
NOT THESAME, THE AMOUNT WE REQUIRED THAT YOU PAY IS NOT
MUCH CONSIDERING THE EXPENSES WE WILL ENGAGE.

THESE ARE BRIEF CALCULATION OF EXPENCES WHICH WILL DO
WHEN TREATING YOUR ASSIGNMENT IN THE JUSTICE
MINISTRY.

(1)THE STAMP DUTY FEES: HERE IN AFRICA IF YOU DON`T TIP
THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE IN THE JUSTICE MINISTRY THEY WILL
NOT ATTEND TO YOUR SERVICES PROMPTLY.

(2)CHAMBERS RETAINER FEE: THE FEE PAID TO RETAIN OUR
OUR SERVCES IN FUTUR.

(3)SOLICITING MOBILITY: ARE THE FEES TO BE PAID TO THE
REPRESENTING ATTORNEY TO BE MOBILE AND CONSTANT.

WE HAVE GIVEN YOU A VIVID EXPLANATION WHY YOU ARE TO
PAY THE AMOUNT REQUIRED BY THESE CHAMBERS.

BUT IF YOU WANT IT IN THE OTHER WAY LIKE YOU MENTIONED IN YOUR PREVIOUS
MAIL. YOU CAN NOW PAY ONLY OUR CHAMBER CONSULTATION OF FEE US$1,250.00
OTHER EXPENSE FOR STELLA AND MIKE FLIGHT TICKET, VISA AND UNFORESEEN
EXPENSE WILL BE FROM YOUR SIDE.

FINALLY, WE RE-ASSURE YOU THAT STELLA AND MIKE WILL BE JOINING YOU IN
THE STATES AS SOON YOU ACCORD TO OUR TERMS AND CONDITIONED OF
REPRESENTATION. THIS ENTIRE AMOUNT WE HAVE DEDCUTED IS BECAUSE OF THE LOVE AND
SYMPATHY I HAVE FOR STELLA AND MIKE I BELIEVE THEY HAVE SUFFERED
A ENOUGH.

ANTICIPATING RECEIVING FROM YOU,

YOURS IN SERVICE,

BARRISTER STEVE EMODI (ESQ)
ADVOCATE AND SOLCITORS.
ACCRA, GHANA

This ought to get his attention. I gleefully plagarized the Igbo curses from Ergot's brilliant Mass Insulting Bait, plus added a few choice racial epithets against white people. With any luck, he'll think his account has been hacked. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 08:10:02 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details
Subject: Re: LEGAL ASSISTANCE UPDATE.
To: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]>

Dearest Bannister Steve:

I read your last email and understood its contents! I agree that I should send you the money to pay for the legal fees for the extradition of Stella and Mike to the United States. Can you please tell me how they are doing? I pray for their dear souls every night!

I was surprised this morning to find this email from you in my mailbox. I am sorry, but I do not speak your language, so I guess you meant this for somebody else? I assume that this came from your orifice since it did come from your email account. Since you are a professional, I would hope that "white devil" is not a term that you frequently banter about. I take a very dim view of racism in all forms, my friend. Hopefully nobody knows the password to your account except you?

Lastly, please explain to me what "Western Onion" is. I have never heard of such a company. I was planning on mailing a third-party check to you, if that payment modality is sufficient, let me know!

Many Thanks,
Larry Flynt

Steve chambers <[email protected]> wrote:
ATTN: LARRY FLYNT

SIR,

AGWO TUPIAKWA GI AMU, OLE.NNA GI NA ARA MKPURU AMU
YOU MUMU PASS YOURSELF.ODE BURUKU,OLOSHE,OLORIBU,
IYALAYAEH, NNEGI WU AKWUNA NNAGI WU ONYE OHI,FOOL LIKE YOU.
UNA NNE GI NWUOKWA.OTU AGBAWAKWA NNE GI ONWU GBUKWE
ONYE OBULA NU ULO UNUoooooooooooooo

FILTHY OYINBO LIKE YOU. IBU EZIGBO EWU,KAM GWAGI IHE SORO GI INAEDE KAMA MARA NA OTU MBOCHI AKA GA AKPARAGI BU ONYE OSHI, AS 4 NNE GI NA NNA GI HA ABUO AGWABEGI ONYE MURU GI.EMECHA JUO NNE GI ONYE MURU GI,LEE NWANNE GI NKE OZO IGA AHU NA OBUGI OTU NWOKE
MURU UNU,NNEGI BU ASHAWO 5NAIRA.POLICE JIDE GI. WHITE DEVIL.

OTU NNE GI GBAKWA OKU.IBU EZIGBO ONYE ARA o! AHULA M GI NA NRO
NA IGA ANWU NA 15th ONWA EKERESIMESI ELIE GI NA 25th.ELICHANGI
MUMU A INA ERI ONA ATOGIUTO GA ABUZI MUMU MUNA NIDI OTUM.
OBU NA IMAGI NA OBUMUNWA TUBARA NNE GI IME OJI MUO GI?
ISI NA OBU ASI GI GWAM KA M GWAGI KA AJI OTU NA IRE YA DI.

--
http://www.surfy.net for Free Email
http://www.ergova.com for Low Prices on Hotels, Books, and more.

I need to comfort Stella. Referring to myself as "daddy" when writing to mugus is really starting to weird me out. I may need therapy by the time this bait is done.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 08:26:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details
Subject: DADDY FORGIVES STELLA!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSSTTTEEEELLLLAAAAA!!!!

I have read your email, and I wholeheartedly accept your pusillanimous apology! Daddy forgives you! Oh Stella, let's never fight again! In fact, Daddy is ready to send you some money right now! The only problem is that I don't know quite how to send money overseas in a risky-free manner. I thought about getting $500 in fives and putting it in a package for you. However, we run the risk of the corrupt customs officals in Chad ripping the box open, hoping to find that most titillating of all cocaines, the crack cocaine! You can only imagine that they would then use that money to purchase the crack cocaine. Stella, crack is whack. Daddy doesn't feel comfortable sending you money in that fashion. If only there was a way to send money via modern electronics or the "internet", I would Stella. I would do it like that!

I do have some bad news, Stella. I got a strange email from your lawyer Steve Chambers. He wrote to daddy in his ooga-booga language, but he also wrote things like "white devil" and possibly "honky lips." Daddy didn't ask to be white. Daddy didn't ask to be incapable of dancing, living in the suburbs and driving a Buick. I think it is very unfair of Steve to characterize Daddy as a "white devil", don't you? We should probably go for another lawyer, Stella, since Steve is probably a communist faggot.

Daddy knows times are tough. But there is a prayer that my pastor, Rev. John Lydon, likes to say at times like these.

I�ve seen you in the mirror
When the story began
And I fell in love with you
I love yer mortal sin
Yer brains are locked away
But I love your company
I only ever leave you when you got no money
I got no emotions for anybody else
You better understand I�m in love with my self
My beautiful self

A no feelings a no feelings
A no feelings
For anybody else

Hello and goodbye in a run around sue
You follow me around like a pretty pot of glue
I kick you in the head you got nothing to say
Get out of the way �cos I gotta get away
You never realise I take the piss out of you
You come up and see me and I�ll beat you black and blue
Okay I�ll send you away

I got no feelings a no feelings
No feelings for anybody else
Exept for my self my beautiful self dear

There ain�t no moonlight after midnight
I see you stupid people out looking for delight
Well I�m so happy I�m feeling so fine
I�m watching all the rubbish you�re wasting my time
I look around your house and there�s nothing to steal
I kick you in the brains when you get down to kneel
And pray you pray to your god

No feelings a no feelings
No feelings for anybody else
Exept for my self
Your daddy�s gone away
Be back another day
See his picture hanging on your wall

Stella, please remember that it is always blackest right before it goes pitch black! Trying is also the first step on the journey to failure. Please let me know how you and dearest darling Mike are doing. If I can't get you to the Unites States through this "Steve Chambers" character, then we may have to discuss the modality of stowing away on a ship or you servicing the sailors in exchange for safe passage to a sea port in Nebraska.

Daddy is always loving you!

Larry Flynt

Master Baiter Joined: 11 Mar 2004 Posts: 207

Are you sure Daddy doesn't drive a 1992 Celica with purple-tinted windows, tubbed-out rearend, 6-inch resonater tip, gold chain license plate frame, and a windshield sticker that says, "Mugu Racing"? I'm a thinkin' that Daddy is an Eminen wanna-be.

Yo. Pretty fly for a white guy.

Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 5:22 pm

Sheeeeet, Teddy. My '85 Ree-gal is off da hook! Fortunately for all parties involved, Steve Chambers takes internet security seriously. Very seriously.

Quote:

From: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
To:
Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 16:44:31 +0000
Subject: LEGAL ASSISTANCE UPDATE.

ATTN: LARRY FLYNT, SIR, IN THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL, FIND BELOW THE WEB SITE OF WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IS THE FASTEST AND RELIABLE WAY OF SENDING AND RECEIVING MONEY WORLD WIDE. www.westernunion.com IN THE RESPECT OF THE EMAIL WE RECEIVED FROM YOU THAT MAIL WAS NOT SENT FROM MY MAIL BOX AND NOBODY KNOWS MY CHAMBERS EMAIL PASSWORD. FOR MORE CLEARIFICATION YOU ARE ADVSIED TO FORWARD THE MESSEAGE FROM YOU INBOX THE WAY YOU RECEIVED IT, NOT THROUGH REPLY TO ENABLE MY CHAMBER RACTIFY THE AUTHENTICITY OF THE EMAIL. ANTICIPATING RECEIVING FROM YOU SOONEST, YOURS IN SERVICE, BARRISTER STEVE EMODI(ESQ) STEVE CHAMBERS. ADVOCATE AND SOLICITORS. ACCRA, GHANA.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 10:46:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: An update!
To: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]>

Dearest Bannister Chambers:

I am pleased to receive such a timely update from your orifice! Is your orifice always open? I had no idea about the wonderful modality of western union! Are you sure it is 100% risky-free, because to be honest, it sounds almost too good to be true!

Also, please give me updates about Stella! We had a big of a fight recently, and I want her to know that all is forgiven!

As you requested, I typed out the email that I recieved from your orifice below. I hope this helps you. I also hope that there is nothing in there that will prevent me from taking Stella out of Chad and into my lonely little cabin in the woods that is miles away from civilization but still fully equipped with meathooks as well as a deep freezer big enough to fit a grown man in. If you don't mind me asking, what does this whole thing say?

Eternally yours,
Larry Flynt

ATTN: LARRY FLYNT

SIR,

AGWO TUPIAKWA GI AMU, OLE.NNA GI NA ARA MKPURU AMU
YOU MUMU PASS YOURSELF.ODE BURUKU,OLOSHE,OLORIBU,
IYALAYAEH, NNEGI WU AKWUNA NNAGI WU ONYE OHI,FOOL LIKE YOU.
UNA NNE GI NWUOKWA.OTU AGBAWAKWA NNE GI ONWU GBUKWE
ONYE OBULA NU ULO UNUoooooooooooooo

FILTHY OYINBO LIKE YOU. IBU EZIGBO EWU,KAM GWAGI IHE SORO GI INAEDE KAMA MARA NA OTU MBOCHI AKA GA AKPARAGI BU ONYE OSHI, AS 4 NNE GI NA NNA GI HA ABUO AGWABEGI ONYE MURU GI.EMECHA JUO NNE GI ONYE MURU GI,LEE NWANNE GI NKE OZO IGA AHU NA OBUGI OTU NWOKE
MURU UNU,NNEGI BU ASHAWO 5NAIRA.POLICE JIDE GI. WHITE DEVIL.

OTU NNE GI GBAKWA OKU.IBU EZIGBO ONYE ARA o! AHULA M GI NA NRO
NA IGA ANWU NA 15th ONWA EKERESIMESI ELIE GI NA 25th.ELICHANGI
MUMU A INA ERI ONA ATOGIUTO GA ABUZI MUMU MUNA NIDI OTUM.
OBU NA IMAGI NA OBUMUNWA TUBARA NNE GI IME OJI MUO GI?
ISI NA OBU ASI GI GWAM KA M GWAGI KA AJI OTU NA IRE YA DI.

--
http://www.surfy.net for Free Email
http://www.ergova.com for Low Prices on Hotels, Books, and more.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Aug 2005 Posts: 42

I'm pretty sure the Good Reverend John Lydon's cheery, pixieish faux-anarchism hardly lends itself to organized religion! Sure you didn't want to quote "Bodies" instead and go for the real subtlety?

Aah, you're going to hell for that. Twisted Evil

Heh. Good show.

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

Larry, you never cease to amaze me....the Igbo insults touch my heart :]

-KingMage

Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:43 pm

Well, I'm afraid you will NEVER outdo that reply you got from Cheng Pui (that "you bastard" in your sig...man, you read that and you can just feel his esophagus swallowing bits of ground-up teeth in rage), but this is fun. As always.

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 5:41 pm

@RDE: Good ol' Ching-a-Ling was special. Never before have two little words made me so happy. We can only imagine the looks he got in the internet cafe as his computer began screaming "I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORN!" and popping up window after window of homo-erotic goodness. I'm sure I took a few years off his life with that particular puckish prank.

@KingMage: What scammer would ever suspect a 'victim' to know some of the most horrible things you can say in Igbo? After all, I'm just another stupid provincial American! Twisted Evil

@Simonlynxx: I think God has a sense of humor. The lads are proof. Besides, I was debating between Sex Pistols faux-anarchism or Misfits/Danzig faux-satanism. Either way, Stella would remain blissfully nonplussed.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 15:26:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: DADDY THANKS FOR FORGIVEN ME.
To:

DADDY,

HAPPY DAY TO YOU, WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. AND PRAY
ALSO THAT GOD ALMIGHTY WILL BLESS YOU. WE HAVE HARD
ALL YOU SAID AND UNDERSTAND, WHAT YOU TOLD ABOUT THE
LAWYER IS STRANGE TO ME BECAUSE I WILL TO ASK YOU IF
YOU WANT US TO CHANGE A NEW LAWYER SO THAT IS WILL
MAKE THIS TRANSFER EASY, FOR WE TO COME OVER PLEASE
DADDY YOUR CHILDREN HERE IS SUFFERING .I CAN EASY
CONTACT ANOTHER LAWYER THAT WILL DO IT FAST AS YOU
SAID THAT THIS ONE IS NOT OKAY WITH THE WORK.
DADDY FOR THE MONEY YOU SAID YOU WANT TO SEND TO YOUR
CHILDREN PLEASE DADDY WE WILL PERISHES THAT MUST SO
THAT WE CAN EAT, NOW HERE THE ONLY WAY TO SEND MONEY
IS WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER, WHICH IS EVERY WAY
AROUND THE WORLD, YOU CAN EASY ASK PEOPLE WERE IT IS
THERE IN US, BASICALLY IN YOUR CITY SO THAT IT WILL BE
EASY FOR YOU TO SEND IT.

THIS IS THE NAME YOU CAN USE TO SEND IT BECAUSE I HAVE
NOT GOT MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT TO COLLECT MONEY IN
WESTERN UNION, SO THIS IS MY MIKE FRIEND NAME WHO HIS
PASSPORT TO GO TO COLLECT MONEY IN WESTERN UNION SO
THAT HE WILL COLLECT IT FOR US DADDY.

FIRST NAME; SUNDAY
SECOND NAME; EGBUNA.

I MOST TRY TOMORROW TO LOOK FOR A NEW LAWYER THAT WILL
DO THIS FOR US, DADDY PLEASE DO AS YOU PROMISE TO YOUR
CHILDREN TO EAT AND COME OVER THERE WITH YOU PLEASE.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU DADDY.

DADDY CHILDREN, STELLA AND MIKE.

I have something special planned for the lawyer. A little visit from the Axeman, perhaps?

Quote:

Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2005 10:27:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" > View Contact Details
Subject: HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

STELLALAAAALLLAAAA!!!!

Chlamydia greetings to you! Daddy was absolutely delighted right down to my twinkle toes to hear from you! Stella, daddy has some issues. First, that "lawyer" never wrote me back. I don't think he was really a lawyer anyway. Stella, please be more careful when you pick out legal represenation. Its not just a matter of opening up the phone book to "bannister" and closing your eyes and picking out the first name that your finger lands on. You need tough, smart lawyers like the attorneys at Mike "The Hammer" Lucas and Associates. "The Hammer" got Daddy some sweet-azz bling bling after he got injured on the job at the fudge packing plant. Daddy then used the money from the settlement to buy a controlling share of the fudge packing factory and had it torn down to put up a vacant lot! Sure, it put about 50 people out of work for no reason other than spite, but Daddy thinks it was worth it to see his bitchass boss in the unemployment line as he drove by in his new 540i.

STELLA!!! I did as you said and asked many people about Western Onion. Most of them said it was a risky-free way of sending telegrams just like they do in old black and white movies before gratuitous titty shots became commonplace. One guy I asked about Western Onion tried to kick my ass, but daddy slapped him down like Leonardo DiCaprio at the end of Titanic. After I write this email, I will send you some money, Stella! Isn't that exciting! Daddy is sending you money! Its like Christmas. Do you have Christmas in Chad? I hope so, because it sure beats the shit out of Ramadan. Instead of starving yourself with a diaper on your head, you get presents in your pajamas! Christmas OWNS, Stella!

One last thing, STELLA!!!! Who is Sunday Ubangme? Is he a freind of yours? Daddy doesn't feel comfortable sending money to somebody in a third world country he has never met. I know I can trust Stella, but will Ubangme? If Ubangme, will you still get the money, Stella? And why do you want me to wait until Sunday to send the money? Will Ubangme?

Overflowing with premature love spunk, your daddy,
Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2005 11:41:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: Re: HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!
To:

Daddy,

I most tell you I�m in love with your mail. Thanks and God will bless you daddy. I want you to know one thing here we are we have not absolutely nothing to eat. Please the name I give is the name for mike my brother friend who have international; passport to collect money in western union. I have get one attorney that the told me that is doing okay, is one of the best attorney and popular in this city and he promise to work with you. I please with him to give me his mail address and he did. By given me this email; [email protected]

Please contact him plz daddy. Please daddy please tries for me and send the money please daddy. Or you want to use my name you can then I will do a new ID to collect it please.

Waiting daddy.

Stella.

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

Larry, you are a pure comic genious! How do you come up with this stuff? Its like the comedy hour everytime i read your baits. You should get an agent! :]

-KingMage

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:48 pm

First to Stella...

Quote:

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 2005 11:28:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: MONEY!!!!!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSSTTTTEEEELLLAAAAA!!!!

Onanism blessings to you!!! I am so glad to hear that you are in love with my male! Stella, I must ask, are you ready for a hot beef injection? Because that is what you can get yourself after you get the money I will send you at Western Onion! You'll never go hungry again! You'll be eating as much tube steak as your gluttonous jowls can hold! If you want something healthier, you can even toss my salad! Would Stella like to toss Daddy's salad? Daddy will even treat you to a facial when you are done eating.

SSStteelllaaa!! I am a little confused. Why do you want me to wait until Sunday to send the money? I don't mind waiting, but daddy thought you would want it sooner since you are starving for tube steak and all.

Stella, our time together has really taught me something about having faith in others. Would you please send me a picture of you or your brother holding a sign that says "LARRY FLYNT IS OUR BIG WHITE DADDY"? That would mean so much to daddy! I can't wait to see it! I will email the new lawyer today so that you and your brother can be my serfs legally!

Daddy

...then to Steve

Quote:

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 2005 11:35:50 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: No more assistance!
To: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]>

Bannister Steve Chambers:

Smegma greetings of the season to you! I hereby request that I will no longer need your legal services! I have found somebody better, who will not send me coded messages calling me a "white devil". Let this be a lesson to all of us on the dangers of racism in the workplace.

Sincerely,

Larry Flynt

...and lastly to the new bannister!

Quote:

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 2005 11:43:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: CONCERNING STTEALLLLALAAAA
To: [email protected]

Bannister Tata Chambers!

Blessings of the famine to you! I am delighted to write to your orifice in regards to Stella and Mike Sickcow. I sure hope your orifice is wide open today! They are two orphan children in Chad that I want to put into indentured servitude here in the United States. Apparently their dead father had some bank account with a lot of money in it too. I would like to get that money so that I can arrange for them to be "educated" here in the US. I would also like to use that money to educate myself on a new bimmer.

Please send me all your bannister credentials so that I know that you are a real lawyer who acutally went to law school. I've had trouble before with random African witch doctors posing as competent legal representation.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:50 pm

Stella should be congratulated for this next email. It seems her reading comprehesion has gone from cocker spaniel level to rhesus monkey skill level! Hooked on Phonics (tm) is working for SSSTTEEEELLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!

Quote:

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 2005 13:02:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: please daddy do it
To:

Daddy,

Thanks for your mail. I will like to know what doesn�t mean that you will send the money on Sunday; Sunday is the name I give you to send money with. Please do you know as I�m writing you now we have not eaten for today? Please kindly send us the money please need it now.

For the picture you are needed from us we have no money as you know to do that for now, if possible you send us this money we will do as daddy said.

Thanks and God bless you and we love.

Stella and mike.

Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 5:38 pm

Is Stella getting tired of my hijinx? I sure hope not, cause I'm having a lot of fun!

First, the bitch-ass bannister is heard from. Don't worry, he'll be the victim of a horrible LRIGBUT accident very, very soon. Twisted Evil

Quote:

From: "Steve chambers" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
To:
Date: Sat, 03 Sep 2005 14:08:45 +0000
Subject: WE ONLY ATTEND TO SERIOUS CLIENTS.

WE ONLY ATTEND TO SERIOUS CLIENTS.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 4 Sep 2005 07:30:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: I did it!!!!!!!!!!!
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSSTTTTEEELLLAAAA!!!

Priapism greetings to you! Stella, I have sent the
money to you this morning via the Western Onion
modality! Isn't that exciting! Now you will be able to
get yourself a hot beef injection any time you want! I
was going to send more, but the new issue of "Shaved"
came out yesterday and I also had to purchase that
most titillating of all cocaines, the crack cocaine,
for my own personal use. Don't worry, Stella, when you
come to America as my serf, there will be enough tweak
and X for everybody!

Here are the modality transfer details of the monetary
funds forwith I wish to transfer to you:

Sender: Larry Flynt
Receiver: Stella Sigcow
Question: I like it
Answer: up the turd-chute

STTEEELLLAAAA!!! Just imagine! As soon as you get to
Western Onion, you will no longer have to peel clothes
off dead winos! You can so shopping at the Gap just
like everybody else!

There is some sad news, Stella. I got a rude email
from Steve Chambers. Like I said, I am really sure he
isn't a lawyer at all. In fact, with a name like Steve
Chambers, he is probably a gay porn star. "Gay for
pay" is what we call it here in south central Compton.
I haven't heard from the new lawyer's orifice yet, but
I bet he will contact me soon!

Lastly, please please send me the picture of you or
Mike holding the sign. Remember, it should say "LARRY
FLYNT IS OUR BIG WHITE DADDY". Send it to me soon,
since you two touch my perineum in a most wonderful
way!

Much love,
Larry Flynt

As usual, I fuck up.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 4 Sep 2005 11:13:24 -0700 (PDT)
From: "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: control number please.
To:

Daddy,

please send us the control number that we will use to collect the money from the western union .as soon as you send the control number i can collect the money and tell how much you send to me.

thanks and waiting for that please.

stella.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 6 Sep 2005 09:58:24 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details
Subject: I've got your number right here....
To: "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSTTTEELLLLAAAA!!!!

Shigella greetings to you and your dear sweet lucious brother! I couldn't get this "control number" you speak of yesterday because of the Capitulation Day holiday and all the attendant events, such as the ritual raising of the white flag, meant that all Western Onion offices were closed for the day.

I did go this morning, and the number that the sweaty Albanian lady at the Western Onion counter gave me was 8675309. I sure hope that helps you in your quest for the pork sword!

Stella, I am disturbed that I haven't heard from the new lawyer's orifice yet! Is their orifice open this week? If not, can we arrange to open their orifice? That would be fantastic, but we might want to hold our breaths, depending on how wide we open his orifice.

Stella, you wrote to me once that one of your many possible fathers had a trunkbox full of money or something like that. Why don't you use that money to eat from instead of selling HJ's on the streetcorner? Mike shouldn't have to be earning money from rimjobbing 60 year old men, Stella.

Send me your picture soonest, my dears!
Your loving cracker daddy,
Larry Flynt

I smell a safari! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:34 am

Whoops. That wasn't a safari I smelled. That was the burrito I had for dinner. This fine Stella bait has come to an end. Sad, really. I thought we had something going. I really wanted to stuff her in a 55 gallon steel drum and bury her alive in my cellar at my cabin in the middle of nowhere. I guess she had different plans.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 7 Sep 2005 10:04:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details View Contact Details
Subject: Daddy is worried!
To: Send an Instant Message "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

SSTEEELLLLAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Daddy is beside himself with worry! Daddy hasn't heard from Stella since Daddy gave Stella the Western Union information! Please don't make me more worried, since I love you and your supple, moist brother more than I love life itself!

Waiting to hear from you!

Big cracker daddy Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Wed, 7 Sep 2005 16:27:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: Send an Instant Message "stella siigah" <[email protected]> Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: Re: Daddy is worried!
To:

God will puneshi u .fuck.............................u

To all noobs: the following is, as we say in the business, a BURN. Notice that 1) I never point out the lads many mistakes. I don't want him to learn and improve, 2) I use "we" several times, so that he thinks (correctly) that there is an army of scambaiters out there, 3) I use a little psychological warfare in telling him that the money making potential of 419 scamming just isnt there anymore, 4) I tell him that I sodomized his sister for no other reason at all except to anger him more, 5) I colorfully describe the man-rape that he can look forward to, should his boss find out that I have been stringing him along for several weeks.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 7 Sep 2005 19:21:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details View Contact Details
Subject: Congratulations!
To: Send an Instant Message "stella siigah" <[email protected]>

That's fucking right, Stella! Congratulations! You
finally fucking figured it out, mugu bitch!!

I have met some stupid pigfuckers in my time, but you
are in a class by yourself! Did you really fucking
think that you were going to get money from your rich
oyinbo? Thats right, fucker! Read that last sentence
again, you monkey cocksucker! Not only do we know all
about your fucking pathetic 419 scams, fuckface, but
we also know all about your language and your weird
ass voodoo shit too!

Guess what asshole? Pretty much all westerners know
about 419 scams. And those that don't know are going
to find out really, really soon. Lets be honest for a
moment, shall we? You are a miserable excuse for a
guyman. You're not going to fucking make five naria
off any of this shit. Too bad that you may actually
have to make an honest living instead of spending
money at your ass-wart of an internet cafe trying to
steal.

You aren't even man enough to steal from somebody face
to face, toto boy. You have to hide behind your "I'm a
lost orphan" bullshit routine, you douchenozzle.

You see, Fuckass Mugu (may I call you that? I think we
both know your name isn't Stella.) after a long day of
publishing smut and blowing my jizz in your mom's
face, I like to fuck with a mumu like you. I've had a
lot of jokes at your expense. I might even explain
some of them to you, but I doubt a gay cum dumpster
like you would understand them even then.

A bit of advice for you, Fuckass Mugu. Do not let your
oga find out that I have been wasting your time. Keep
this a big fucking secret! Otherwise, he will shove
his fist so far up your ass, he will be able to tickle
your tonsils. Either that, or he will get the biggest
baddest HIV+ motherfucker in Lagos to rape your tight
little mangina. Just keep that mental picture in your
mind, Fuckass Mugu. You can make up an excuse like "I
was rimjobbing baboons" or "AJI OTU NNE GI". From
corresponding with you, I could believe that you
actually would stick your tongue up a monkey's anus.
Perhaps that's because monkeys remind you of your
sister. Smile

I did her in the ass, too.

By the way, God punishes theives. That would be you,
limp little amu.

So remember, the next time one of your 419 scams
implodes, or you are jerking off to Hustler, or you
hear "Dreamweaver" on the radio, think of me! LARRY
FLYNT IS WATCHING YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
HAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Maybe you'll even stop trying to
be a 'fraudstar' someday. In that case, you'll praise
God for the day that He brought Larry Flynt into your
life! Until then, Fuckass Mugu....

Love and kisses,
Larry Fucking Flynt!

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

A most excellent conclusion! a round of applause is in order as usual!

By the way, i added Stella to my insult list :]

Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 7:11 am

Yowch! Now -that's- a burn!

-Moe

Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 11:52 am

THAT WAS INSPIRATIONAL.

Some really creative writing there. Loved it!

Guest

That was indeed inspirational, you are now my hero! Twisted Evil

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

*tear* That was almost poetic in its conclusion. I only hope I can bring my dear Obi-Wan to such an end.

Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:47 pm

As always, you all are too kind. If you enjoyed this bait, please don't be shy about contacting Stella and her minions on your own! She would love a straight bait, gay porn, LRIGBUT (I sent her that with the burn e-mail) or whatever mischief your twisted little minds can come up with.

Stella can be reached at [email protected], or you can call her -
0233-277-391167

Bannister and Gay Porn Star Extraordinaire Steve Chambers Williams can be reached at his orifice via email at [email protected] or you may use a telephone modality at 0233-243-643296.

John Kwame never actually made an appearence in this bait, but he would still love to be on the receiving end of a little 419eater style luvin': [email protected]

Bannister Tata Chambers never appeared either. Let him know that we still care: [email protected]

EDIT: Hey Nurse Nasty, I'd be especially pleased if you sent me a picture of you writing "Larry Flynt made me sleep in the wet spot" on your heaving bosoms. Not that that has anything to do with Stella, I just think it would be a real morale booster. Twisted Evil

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