almost done - time to post the "rakes" progress...

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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:33 pm

We join the plot around the two week mark- the lad thinks i�m coming to ghana to get his trunk of cash, and that I invest in south african hotels - i did have a couple of gun teams coming over for our protection at one point - but he seemed a bit agitated - so I called them off (for now).
I got his trophy pic after just 6 emails - so he�s kinda new at this game - but like him as I may, I have to remember what his ultimate goal is - robbery.

Jeff (the lad) was getting me annoyed with his insistent requests for a pic with sign from me, hotel reservations, and a uk phone number - so I slapped him - hard.

�OK Jeff - let me spell this out for you for the 4th (and last time) very slowly.

Please put your ear next to the email so that you will hear me when I say this -

THERE IS NO FUCKING HOTEL RESERVATION - I AM A GUEST OF THE HOTEL BOARD OF FUCKING DIRECTORS - YOU MUST ASK THEM IF YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I AM COMING THERE, AND NOT THE INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE PRICK AT THE RECEPTION DESK ! - I AM PUTTING 2.8 MILLION USD IN THEIR COMPANY - OF COURSE THEY WILL PICK ME UP AT THE FUCKING AIRPORT !

Are we communicating now ? - I do hope so.

Honestly Jeff, you must stop behaving like such a complete wassock and pay attention to what people write to you.

I am not going to phone you, your mother, your uncles and aunts, your nephews and nieces, and Mr Tom Cobbly (or his dog) at all hours of the day and bloody night on a specially bought mobile phone. I have spent �530 on the fucking plane ticket, and I will be in Accra on the 13th as well you bloody know! Nor do I have the time or the inclination to start pratting around with a camera and a frigging billboard just so that you can have something to wank over with your friends before you go to bed at night - you have my passport remember? Where is your passport Jeff ? That�s right Jeff - your passport is unafuckingvailable isn�t it ? I give you a picture of me standing next to the future Queen of England and you say you do not want group shot ? YOU ARE TALKING BOLLOX MATE !�

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:33 pm

hen I ignore him for a couple of days. After a while (about 6 emails) his tone changes -

�dear my good brother.

i am still waiting for your respond.

have you not heard fom the security company yet as you said that you are waiting for there respond.

as i said before,i do trust you 100%,so dont get upset ok,just understand that there is a lot of bad things happening in this world,but i just need to taik with on your uk number so that i will be convinced that you are coming from uk b/c i dont know were you are at the moment,so i need to know whom i am dealing wih,i need to have a heart discussion with you.

i have recieved all your passport with a group picture of you,your mother and the future queen of England which was very nice.

please bear with me and dont think i am asking you for too much,i dont see any problem in me speaking with you over the phone,we are suppose to be partner and not enemy,so please let me have your uk number at once and please co-operate with me as i really want to work with you.

i await your respond and hope to see you on the 13th as you said.

jeff�

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:34 pm

So I ignore him some more, until I finally get this -

Subject�:�am sorry,please forgive me.

�dear my good friend.

how are you today and how was your trip to usa,i hope fine.

please reply and do not worry anymore about the gun team that failed to fly into ghana,i dont think we need them anyway b/c we can handle this alone,all we have to do is to pack the money into a big travelling box when we collect the consignment from the security company Ghana,we may deposit some into a bank in ghana and make wire transfer for some part of the fund and we can carry some along with us to southafrica.

mr ivor,i want you to know that i have 100% trust in you and that made me to reveal the secret about the consignment where about�and to send you the deposit certificate copy,if i dont trust you,i will not send it to you,so dont be angry with me ok,remeber that i am a young man,i am not as old as you are 55yrs as you told me,so accept some mistakes that i make,you are suppose to be correcting me when i make mistakes ok and not to backout or get angry or not respond back as a seniour.

i have never sent those certificates i sent you to anyone else but you alone,that document is suppose to be secret and should be seem by only anyone who i trust,so i have 100% trust in you ok.

i have not discussed this transaction with anyone outside my family but you alone,so nobody tells me what to do ok,we will remain friends for the rest of our life.

do not worry about the picture i asked you to send,that does not matter,i was only scared when you mentioned the gun team from southafrica,i hate guns and so whenever someone mentions guns,i get scared.

so respond.

jeff�

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:35 pm

ok - now my mugu is back in line - we re-open the discussion - he still wants a phone number, so from the local paper a lonely hearts ad from a middle aged gay man will result in a recorded message being played to him at �1 per minute - if he even gets through.

He repies -

�dear my good brother.

i have tried to call you on the uk �number you gave me but i�could not get through,i contact the embassy of uk phone operator in�Ghana and they said that the number you gave me is wrong.

i was informed that the�international dailing code for uk is 44 followed with the number, which is�suppose to be 44 905XXXX988-176884 according to the number you gave me,this is wrong,the number is too long,i was informed by the operator,so check the number,the operator even tried the number himself but did not get through

the�security company terms and condition document which you requested for was given to my late father,i cannot find it,i have asked my mother to check for that and she could not find it,anyway we can get another one when we get to the security company.

i was only informed by the security company today that�i have to pay 12,000.00usd which is charges for the transportation�of the consignment from guinea conakry and the storage dumorages�at the point of collection of the consignment,so please try and make that avaliable when flying down so that as soon as we collect the consignment,you will take your 12,000.00usd back.�

Oh dear - he�s left out the zero I gave him at the front of the number - silly boy - but we finaly see the 12k sting......oh well - let�s try again (24 hrs later of course - we wouldn�t want to run out of time now would we).

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:36 pm

My good brother Jeff

Now there you go again - you see what happens when you go rushing around. You must take the advice and counsel of your elders. I was talking to your mother about that recently Jeff. She seems like a nice lady - you said she is ill, may i enquire how so.

Now then, to get back to this rather irritating matter of telephones. Your embassy of uk phone operator in�Ghana is a complete idiot. The number is not too long at all. You dial the number I gave you, this puts you through to a switch centre, who then divert that call to my mobile. This way because the call is diverted, it does not appear on my bill. Brilliant idea huh - you can now have more than one number on the same phone. Marvelous the things that they come up with these days. It costs me a quid a go, but hey, you�re my brother.

Now then Jeff, this is the bit where we get down to the taking the counsil of your elders stuff. Take a deep breath my brother, and listen closely - it�s ok, I won�t shout this time - I promise.

The matter of the 12,000.00usd is a small thing, don�t worry about that, and it is for usd which is easier to get at the bank or airport - it�s this security code and practice document that is worrying me Jeff. How do we know for sure that the price we are paying should be 15,000.000usd and not 5,000.00usd ? This (Patrick is it ?) Bello chappie at their office seems a bit suspect to me. I think I have talked to this fellow before somehow - just can�t get that sense of Deja Vu out of my head. My instincts are seldom wrong Jeff - I think we should both see this document of code of practice, then we know for sure we are OK when we get to the collection office. Make sure the document has the �red seal of truth� on it - there are people who would try and trick us if they knew what was in the box - if the security company is trustworthy it will have that seal.

I understand that you and your mother have searched for this document, if you cannot find it, then you simply have to ask for a new copy. Get them to email it to you, they must have such facilities, failing that, you will have to go to their offices with your original certificate for the box they are holding so they will know you are the customer, because they will only give the sealed document to the customer. This is why I cannot ask them for it myself.

We must see the document of code of practice and terms and conditions before we go to the office. I cannot sit there for one hour reading it while everyone waits. We must see the red seal of truth on the code of pratice for ourselves and know we can then trust them.

This is very important Jeff - trust me - trust your mother - and I know she will agree with me on this one. Take the counsel of your elders on this matter. This document is a very important thing.

Your good brother Ivor

PS do you have a Santa Claus outfit ?

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:36 pm

The next mail comes from the security company -

>dear valued customer.
>
>this is to inform you that all you and your partner need for the collection of the consignment is just.
>
>[1] original copy of the deposit certificate.
>
>[2]original copy of the sannoussi death certificate.
>
>[3]12,000.00usd being the transpotation and storage charges for the consignment.
>
>[4] jeff sannoussi international passport.
>
>this above 4 items is what that is need to be presented as soon as the consignment is brought out to your seeing before the release.
>
>the issue of company terms and conditions document is not needed,the term and condition of company document is given in present to anyone who wants our service,so when you and mr jeff arrives, a copy of our terms can be given out if you still want more of our services ok,we dont send out documents by email or fax as i have earlier explained to you for security reasons,we despatch our document to our customers in person or we can send them by dhl after we have meet with our customers.
>
>hope to see you and mr jeff on the 15th.
>
>patrick bello.

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:37 pm

Cheeky wassock - we will see about that...........

Dear Mr Bello -

You tell me that "the issue of company terms and conditions document is not needed" - and that "we despatch our document to our customers in person". Well, I can tell you Mr Bello, that your company terms and conditions are needed, and that as you despatch your document to the customers in person, I am sure you will have no problem despatching said document to said customer - my good friend and brother Mr jeff.

Should you refuse to comply to this demand, I will firstly contact your head office (I have their address here from the internet) and report you for attempting to defraud your customers, and if I do turn up at your office on the 15th empty handed just to have to get this document, I will take said document away with me for inspection, and not return with the 15,000.00 until I have read it properly. This will mean two visits to your offices, the first on the 15th to collect this document, and another on the 16th, to return to your offices with the money.

Now, please try to behave in a professional manner with regards to this transaction. I do not hand over 12,000.00 usd to complete pillocks - if you do not comply, then I will wire the money to your head office instead (after they send me the documents), and they will have you hand over the box as I will have already paid your company.

I look forward to your reply (enclosing the documents).

Ivor Biggun (acting for Mr Jeff)

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:38 pm

Meanwhile - Jeff is having trouble remembering things........

>dear ivor.
>
>i have contacted the security company and they say that we dont need the company terms and condition documents for the release of the consignment,they informed me that all i need is to come along with the original deposit certificate which i have and my father death certificate with my international passport.
>
>the security company informed me that the company terms and condition will be given to me when i come with the mentioned requirments b/c a copy has been given to my father but when i get there on the 15th a new company terms and conitions will be give to me.
>
>the security told me that when we arrive that a copy of my father signature where he signed to pay the 12,000.00usd on the collection of the consignment will be shown to me,so we dont need the company terms and conditions.
>
>bear in mind that nobody knows the content of the box,so please keep that secret.
>
>i will have my international passport on monday as i was told my country embassy in ghana.
>
>mr ivor please give a straight uk mobile number which is suppose to be 44..followed with the other number.
>
>so anyway i hope to see you on monday which is the 13th and if i may know why did you book an apointment for the 15th,what will you be doing in ghana on the 13th and 14th,why 15th.
>
>jeff

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:38 pm

Seems he�s getting confused - but we can work with that........

Dear brother Jeff -

I have booked the appointment for the 15th as I will be arriving late on the 13th and will need to rest. I also think that the board of directors of the hotel will want to meet with me on the 14th, although they have not said this yet. I did not want to draw attention to our business to the hotel people by saying I have business in the city as soon as I arrive, but once I get over to ghana I will have a better idea of my itinery. if I can get away from the hotel people early, then this will be really good, and we can meet and have something to eat and drink together.

I have just sent an email to the security company asking again for the terms and conditions because I do not want them to cheat us - I did not know you have a paper from your father that says the 12,000.00 on it already. If that is the arrangement your father made, then I will respect his memory and the deal he has made with the security company.

Jeff - the number I have given you is a good number - but i notice that the number I gave you starts with the numer 0 - where the number you have tried starts with a 9 or something like that. Maybe that is whythe number is not working. Look again at the number I sent in my email, and try again please. When the phone is answered, then you must put in the last digits to get transfered to me.

I hope to hear your voice soon my brother - if you do not suceed, tell me and I will have to think of something else.

Your good brother and protector Ivor

We will see what his friend in the embassy of uk phone operator makes of that........

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:39 pm

Dear ivor.

i recieved your email and i hope to see you on the 13th.

i tried to call you again with the number but i did not get through,please try and give me another number so that i can reach you.

please do not communicate� too much with the standard security company,just leave evertything till we get there ok,i dont want you to make security company�suspect that we have�something very important�inside the consignment,please stop futher communication with them ok till we get there.

as longs as we have the needed requirements we will retrieve our consignment without problem.

hope to recieve another telephone number from you.

jeff

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:40 pm

Only 3 days to go till safari time......so 24 hrs later i send him this.........

Brother Jeff

Are you sure you are putting in the right number - and are you sure the phone you are using can connect to this country ?

And OK I�ll leave the foolish mr bello alone for a while - but he better be nice to me when I see him or I will pour marmalade over his head.

Now concentrate hard my brother - and try the number again.

Meanwhile the nice Mr Bello gets in touch again.......

>dear valued customer.
>
>this is to inform you that you are not known as our customer,mr jeff sannoussi is known as our active customer,we have informed mr jeff formally that the company terms will be given to him as soon as he provides an evidence of him being mr jeff sannoussi by showing us a copy of his international passport,so we have asked mr jeff to come on 15th with
>
>[1]original international passprt.
>
>[2] original copy of deposit certificate.
>
>[3] original copy of the death certificate of sannoussi.
>
>[4] 12,000.00usd.
>
>mr ivor please be informed that we do not have any plans to cheat anyone,we run reputable company for years and non of our customers has ever complain about us,so every transaction of ours is documented,so when you arrive you will see mr jeff sannoussi consignment and you pay us 12,000.00usd and we will issue you with an offiicial reciept stating that you paid us 12,000.00usd and collected your consignment,so please bear with us and you are welcomed to our office on the 15th.
>
>we are at your services all the time.
>
>patrick bello

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:41 pm

Should you dear reader wish to check the bona-fides of the �standard security company of accra� then google is your friend - as for this upstart Bello chappie - hurrumphh

"Yeah - all right paddy - keep your hair on. Jeff has explained to me that his father had pre-arranged the fee, so I guess I'll have to turn up with the money after all. Just make sure you have the documents and the box ready, as I will bring marmalade with me ( a cure for baldness)."

Ivor Biggun

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:41 pm

24 hrs later and Jeff is still having trouble with that number.....oh dear, how sad - 2 days left - I tell him to call it again from a different location - maybe that will do the trick......sadly -

dear my good brother.

i have tried to call you but i did not get through� to the number,i dont know what is wrong,i have tried from another phone boot but the same.

is this number you gave me a mobile or what?

if you can buy a new chip and let me have the phone number,i will happy.

anyway hope to see you at la-palm royal beach hotel soon�[233-21-771700]please email me and let me have your room number so that i can know what room to ask for when i come to the la-palm royal beach �hotel or when i call.

see you soon and i wish you a safe flight.

jeff

It is now Saturday morning, and my plane leaves on Monday morning - oh well......just a few more emails and it�s safari time

dear my good brother.
>
>hope to see you soon,please let me have your hotel room number at la-palm royal beach hotel Ghana as soon as you arrive,send me an email urgently and let me have your room number or suit number in the hotel so that i can come to see you immediately.
>
>my good friend,could you buy me a p-900 sony eriksson mobile handset as i do not have a mobile handset now that i use,i like the mobile phone as i have seen the advert,i have looked for it in ghana shops here and i could not see it,i guess the mobile phone handset will be there in london b/c you know that Ghana is still undeveloped to compare with uk,so try if you can and buy it for me,i will give you back the cost of the handset as soon as we get the consignment out.
>
>let me know as soon as you are off to airport and let me have you hotel room number or suit number by email so that i will know which room to ask for when i come to the la-palm royal beach hotel.
>
>see you soon and i wish you a safe flight.
>
>jeff

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:42 pm

Anything to oblige my brother Jeff......

Hey my brother - sure I'll try and get the phone - I might as well get us both one each so we can call from now on - sorry about all the mix-ups trying to get through so far, but don't worry, I'll soon be there and we can buy anything we want from now on. No more phone booths for us my brother.

Got to continue getting ready for the trip - see you real soon now...

Ivor

Okies - safari time for me and Jeff - but first, time for a bit of hide-and-seek........

>From: jeff sxxxx <[email protected]>
>To: ivor biggun <[email protected]>
>Subject: urgent
>Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2005 10:01:23 +1200 (NZST)
>
>
>dear brother.
>
>i called the la-palm royal beach hotel but could not get you,where are you?
>
>let me have your room number in la-palm royal beach hotel so that i will know the suit or room to ask for when i get to the hotel.
>
> jeff

But we all know how complicated airports can be........

Jeff - I do not have much time to talk right now - I am still at the airport (hospitality lounge hence the connection for emails) the fools have lost my luggage ! - must have been the change of planes in amsterdam - someone from the hotel is with me trying to sort it all out - speak to you when I get to the hotel...

Ivor

I can almost see him hopping up and down from here......

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:44 pm

After gently explaining to him that I�m kinda busy with the hotels board of directors the next day (golf - the dinner in my honour etc) and that I�m using my SA passport at the hotel -

dear ivor.

what is your southafrican passport name bear,you sent me a flight reservation on the name of ivor biggun and you never told me that you will use your southafrican passport,you sent me a british passport,why did you send me that when you will use the southafrica passport,why did you send me another passport.

the ghana visa you sent me has no passport number written inside it.

which room are you in and with which name.

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:44 pm

Ah - he�s just about ready for the shock treatment - lmao - but first another frustrated night....

Dear brother Jeff -

My apologies for keeping you waiting - I know it�s frustrating, but you must understand my business with this hotel. After all, I am investing 2.8 million with these people, so they are anxious to please me, even if it gets in the way of us meeting - and I cannot tell them of our business, so I have no choice but to play along with them. If you must know the truth - I am rubbish at golf - and I hate dinners where I am expected to make a speech. I would rather be talking to you but I have no choice in the matter.

I used my uk passport on the plane - and my SA for the hotel - my SA passport says Mark Thatcher - had a spot of bother recently with that helicopter business, so don�t want the newspapers to know I�m here ok. Mrs Queen wouldn�t like it I�m afraid - no sense of humour....

The man at the Ghana embassy knew who i am, so we left the passport thing off the form - ok

On top of all that - I am now pissed - drunk - stoned out of my tree - just got back in - going to hit the sack now - I will be snoring before I even hit the bed. Maybe it�s the heat here, maybe food poisoning - god knows - but i am so much done for today.

Tomorrow jeff - I promise - but now I need to sleep....

Ivor

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:47 pm

And so dear reader - i am off to bed (in the uk) - Jeff will sit there sweating - and tomorrow is the day we are due to go to the security company to get this magic box (eg the bit where he whacks me over the head and takes off with the loot - or so he thinks)

But I have a little surprise for my dear good brother Jeff - one he will not be expecting

watch this space......

Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:32 pm

Well, the day of the meeting has come and gone - but no sign of Jeff. I sent a couple of emails asking how to meet him - nothing - nada. As the meeting was scheduled for 2pm local, I gave up after that - figured he�d worked it out somehow.

But at 5pm local - he gets in touch again......

dear ivor.

i am very scare now,you sent me a uk pasport which has no date of birth and no passport number,you sent me a visa with no passport number and you said you were going to be in la-palm royal beach hotel and i called with the name you told me but you were not there.

i asked you for your hotel room and you never gave me the room,i have the believe all along that you have been in ghana,anyway let me know when you will return to london so that i can arrange the security company to ship the consignment over to london,i dont feel safe anymore working in ghana.

i will need your uk number when you return,so let me have a telephone number to reach here in ghana,i dont have a number and you know that,so let me have a number to reach b/c i know you are not in la-palm royal beach hotel.

you are not straight forward.

send me your southafrican passport now,i need to know who i will meet,you sent me a fake uk passport.

jeff

Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:33 pm

It seems our Jeff bottled it completely - lol - ah well, no pleasing some people........he may no longer feel safe in Ghana, but he�s still on the hook - so the bait continues. When I�m finished with him he won�t feel safe anywhere.......meanwhile - time for a slap, and just enough info to get him back into line again.

Dear Jeff.

So this is your idea of a joke is it? You get me to fly to Ghana, stay in a hotel of your choice, then you don�t show up for the meeting? You�re having a giraffe mate! And to think I even went and bought you the mobile phone you asked me for!

For your information dipstick, the UK passport is quite genuine - the details I rubbed off the picture were to make sure it didn�t get used by someone pretending to be me. i didn�t know you then as well as I know you now - OR I WOULD NEVER HAVE FUCKING SENT IT !

A lot of people have two passports if they travel a lot - especially in Africa. Some countries are easier to get in and out of with a SA passport - and some won�t let you in with one - so I have both.

As for me being at the hotel - let me guess - you phoned up and asked for Mark Thatcher ? Have you any idea what the newspapers did to me after that helicopter full of eels incident ? Of course the hotel denied I was there - they were instructed to deny it so the newspapers wouldn�t find out. I got into a lot of trouble over that affair, and there�s no way I�m ever going to pay another judge that much money again to get off the charges. Not to mention the confiscated helicopters - although they never found the other two......

And no - i didn�t know you don�t have a phone - you never told me that.

And after all that - you accuse me of being in Ghana the whole time we have been talking ?

I am not impressed with you Jeff - you are behaving like a frightened child. I am leaving for Sun City in the morning for two weeks, then I will return to England (with your phone, and without my shoe). Hopefully I will have my luggage with me this time - bloody airlines.

Meanwhile may I suggest you change your underwear - there seem to be skid marks on the ones you are wearing !

Ivor

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