My long lost uncle

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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:25 pm

Just an old one:

mugu wrote:

Dear Friend, Good-day,

I can't imagine how you will feel receiving a sudden business letter from a remote country in far away west Africa and probably from someone you are not closely related with. But all the same, I believe we do not need to be of blood relatives before we can establish cordial/business relationship. Having said this, I think it is very important at this juncture to introduce myself to you

My name is Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh . I am the district(Foreign operations) manager of African Development Bank Group, Nigerian branch. I got your email address from the Internet. It is my pleasure to solicit your assistance in this business proposal. I am contacting you because I do not want to transact the business with anybody who is known to any staff of this bank or anybody around here to avoid any possible blackmail or leakage at the end of the transaction.

THE PROPOSAL:- There is an account in this bank, African Development Bank Group, which was opened in 1982 by one Mr. Carison Hogarth, an Australian National, who worked in a Scottish owned Petro-Chemical Company (Petro technical support services Nigeria Ltd) and since 1990 nobody has operated on this account. I had a very careful study of the account files through which I carried an extensive investigation about the holder of the said account and found out that Mr. Hogarth suddenly died in a plane crash in 1990 thereby abandoning the account, having been fictitious regards the information he submitted to this bank at the time of establishment of the account. The account at this moment has no inheritance since the name Mr. Hogarth filled, as his relations has no contact information in the form he submitted to the bank. I have secretly removed all the relevant files to the account from the dormant section so that bank auditors will not verify the abandoned money and refer it to Federal Treasury via CBN. Credit balance of the said account is US$45.25m.

My Dear Friend, the deal here is that the money in this account will be approved and remitted to any foreigner who shows up as relation to Mr. Hogarth provided such person has correct information to the account. I have such needed information and will hand it over to you as soon as we commence the transaction. I will source all necessary documents and forward them to you for direct submission to the bank. With my position as the foreign operations manager we will quietly remove this money from the bank without hitches. I don't have any problem in regularizing all necessary documents and transferring the credit balance of the said account to your nominated bank account in overseas, but the problem is trust. I have spent months in trying to get an overseas reliable contact. It is worthy to note that people are unreliable these days and even derive joy in telling lies. On this ground I request your unreserved but sincere cooperation devoid of greed in carrying out this transaction so that no one amongst both of us shall defraud each other at the end. I am prepared to split at 60%-40% with you, provided that mine (60%) will be intact at the end. Please get back to me via email as a matter of urgency or call me on my private telephone line 234-8037427599.

Your soonest response is anticipated.

Best regard Oluchukwu.

Me wrote:

Mr Ezeh,

at last i'm hearing something from my beloved uncle Carison who in fact died in an airplane crash december 1990. I've been trying to find out where he had his account for the last thirteen years.
While i'm overwhelmed to hear that these funds finally turned up i am deeple hurt by the fact that you want to steal his live's earning. Please explain yourself man, before i report you to the authorities.

Mr

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,

Thank you for your prompt reply. please this is no joke. rather it is a real business proposition and l want you to asist me with the deal, like l said in my previous mail you will get 40% of the the whole fund if you asist me, move the money out of my country Nigeria.so what do you say to my propositon

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr ezeh,

it seems you did not read my email. First. you want me to help me steal my uncle's life-savings, then you even want to have 40% of what is 100% belonging to me????
I'll tell you what, since I've been searching for this funds for quite some time now i'll let you have 100.000 US$ of it if you help me obtain it. Take it or i'll have you reported to the authorities and your bank leaders in no time.

mugu wrote:

Mr

Dear Mr ,
you really surprise me, how can you ask me to help you get this fund out. my friend l want you to know that it is the other way round. you should be the one helping out and not me helping you out. so like l said before l will offer you 40% of the money. if you help me get it out

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr. Ezeh,

i tell this to you one last time: It is my uncle (Mr Carison Hogarth) that left me (resp. my mother who died last year) his large amount of money. I do have a certificate of death and all the legal mumbo-jumbo to prove it. i have been trying to locate these funds for the last last fouteen years without success, probably because a litlle african d*ckhead (forgive my Morporkian) in your bank lost or intentionally destroyed documentation. And now you write me offering me my own property for only 40%?????
Imagine how you would feel if somebody stole something from you and offered it back for "only" 40% of its value. Istioll expect an apology from you and hope for the mercy of your soul that you really thought that this was a dormant account that belonged to nobody.

Mr.

P.S. please inform me of the account number and officil contact address so that i can legally claim inheritance of these funds. I still stand to my word, you will receive 100.000 USD for making me finally aware of the whereabouts of this money, but be aware, this is only a gesture of good faith, actually you should be ashamed of offering me a deal like you did.

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,
l am so sorry to have disturbed your peace. l just want to inform you that the deal is off

Have a nice day.

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Dear Mr Eze,

i'm sory if i have insulted you, it's just that the thought of the long-missed moey suddenly turning up got me quite excited. I've come to think about it and assume that the fault was really not on your site, but rather uncle Carison's faible for secretiveness and his fear of the IRS.
I have thaught this over and concluded that given your position in the bank i'll have to work with you anyway. I also think that given the amount and accumulated interest there should be enough in it to satisfy us both. I'm sure that as a man of honor we will arrange something that benefits both of us.
Please do give me the information on your late customer so that i can compare whether this is really my uncle Carison and not just a guy with the same name.

Best Regards,

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,

l have thought of what you said in your mail and have decided to do the transaction with you. but you must promise me that you will keep this business to yourself untill the money has been successfully transfered to your account. l will give you all the details you need to know about Mr Hogarth, but first of all we will have to sign a written agreement, in which you will agree to take 40% while l take 60% of the total sum. so what you have to do right now is to give me your contact details so that l will use it and draw an agreement which we will counter-sign, after that we will proceed to the main transaction

l await your response

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr. Ezeh,

given the preconditions i think that a split 65 % for me and 35 % for you would be more than fair. What do you say? I promise to be very confidential in this business and will sign a written contract as soons as we have sorted out the distribution of the funds

Mr

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,
l think that the percentage of the money which you are asking for, is on the high side. you know l have a lot of work to do down here in Nigeria, especially in my bank, to ensure the smooth running of the transaction. but since you are insisting on increament of your percentage, l think l will consider it and l will add more 5% to the 40% making it 45%. so l hope that we can now proceed with the transaction now that l have increased your own percentage of the fund

l await your response

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr Ezeh,

i thought about it and would propose a 50:50 split as the most appropriate solution. Let me know if you agree and i will have my paralegal draw up a contract.

Mr

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,
the 50:50 split does not go down well with me, but since you have insisted l have no alternative than to accept your proposal, but you must keep this transaction to yourself in other not to jeopardise the smooth transfer of the fund to your account, untill it has been completed. so what you have to do now is to send to me via email, your contact details, which will be used in drawing the agreement down here in Nigeria your contact details are as follows: your fullname, occupation, full contact address and telephone number

l look forward to hearing from you

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr ezeh,

glad that you accepted the splt, it's always good to do obusiness with somebody who's not so easily cheated. Please excuse that i didn't get to introduce me properly yet. My name is , I'm the chief marketing director of Jizz!!! a carbonated energy drink which is selling quite well.
I'm married but currently living in separation from my wife, we have two wonderful kids that are just out of college.Please also let me know more about you.
Your best way to contact me is to call me via our international phone system at +1-20xxx- (72645 that is). If i can't get to the phone please leave a message. You can also send faxes to the same line.
Currently i'm residing in germany, postal address for the next three weeks is

<some phony address of a hotel>

I look forward to hear from you. Shall i have my paralegal draw up a contract or will you do it?

Regards,
Mr

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr ,

Thank you for your response. it seems that you don't stay in one place for a very long time. so l want to suggest that you give me the address of the place that you have as your living house, so that it will be used in drawing the partnership agreement down here in Nigeria, again since you don't have a mobile phone l suggest that you call me up on my own mobile phone so that you can at least talk on the phone the number is 234-8037427599
As you already know, my name is Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh . I am the district(Foreign operations)manager of African Development Bank Group, Nigerian branch. l am married with four kids(three girls and a boy)
please send the contact details so that the agreement will be drawn as soon as possible

l await your response

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Dear Mr Ezeh,

our offices arelocated at

Jizz!!! Ltd
72 Cherry Rd
Rochester, NY 14624

The phone number i gave you will be directly routed to the phone i'm with at the moment as long as i'm available, so you should be able to reach me. I tried to call you today but only got some clicking noises, seems like the telephone system is not that good...

Best Regards,

Mr.

mugu wrote:

Dear Mr. ,

it seems that you did not understand my last mail to you. l simply asked for your contact address with which l will use and draw the agreement. again what is this "jizz" thing that goes with exclamation mark?. you said you tried my number and all you could hear is noise. l want to assure you that my mobile phone is perfectly in other, so try and call me on the phone today so that we can talk more about this transaction, but first of all send your contact details of your living house so that l will proceed with drawing the agreement immediatly

l await for your response

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Mr Ezeh,

why are you holding up this transaction?

Reread my mails, all the info is allready there. For the next three weeks i'll be in munich, germany, my company and living address are in rochester, USA, and Jizz!!! is the carbonated energy drink my company (Jizz!!! Ltd.)is producing. I'm the chief marketing director and as such i'm travelling around a lot. You can reach me at the given number which will be routed to the phone i'm currently using.

Best Regards,

Mr.

mugu wrote:

Me wrote:

Mr Ezeh,

i haven't heard from you in a while and i'm very worried about you and the state of our transaction. Is everything ok?

Mr.

Dear Mr ,

l am sorry not to have sent any mail to you before now, it was as a result of the fact that l had an accident with my vehicle, while going to visit my aged parents on sunday,8th of august. l injured one of my legs in the proccess, so l have been in the hospital all these while. l was discharged from the hospital just yesterday and l saw your mail this morning. so how are you and your family? l hope that everybody is alright. let me also thank you for your concern l really appreciate that
As regards our transaction, l will get in touch with you as soon as l get to the office on monday. but main while l will appreciate if you will resend your contact details, for l mistakenly deleted it while deleting unwanted mails in my inbox this morning

l look forward to hearing from you

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

mugu wrote:

Me wrote:

Dear Mr Ezeh,

i'm happy to hear back from you, good to know you're back up again. But I'm also disappointed in how you treat my personal data. Anyway, here it is again:

<same as above>

Best Regards,

Dear Mr ,
l hope you received my last mail to you. l could not up date you yesterday due to the fact that l had a lot of files to attend to in my office. l said let me take this little time and get in touch with you. everything is still intact. it just that you will have to give me from now to the end of this week, so that l will know if l will be able to clear files on my desk after then l will arrange for the agreement to be drawn. please don't forget to send down your contact details once more, for l mistakenly deleted it while deleting unwanted mails in my inbox

l look forward to hearing from you

Regards
Mr Oluchukwu Ezeh

Me wrote:

Dear Mr. Ezeh,

i'm happy to have you as my partner and hope you will get your life organized soon. I allready sent you the info today.

mugu wrote:

Dear ,
l just want to inform you that the agreement will be sent down to you by tomorrow.l was unable to send it last weeek as a result of the fact that l had a lot to attend to, so you should expect the agreement by tomorrow

Have a nice day

Regards
Oluchukwu

Me wrote:

Dear Mr. Ezeh,

weren't you the one who told me that this transaction should be concluded
soon? Please send the paperwork asap.

after that the bait died...