Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Location: Leading my wolf pack
Sun Apr 30, 2006 11:32 am
This was a short bait, but quite enjoyable while it lasted. As noted, I didn't really take to my baiter persona.
A Nigerian contractor wants a helping hand in smuggling a fortune out of Nigeria… will he ever find out that his business partner is a sadistic serial killer?
Dr Jones Ukah, “chairman, Contract Award Committee of Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC)”.
Mick Taylor, knockabout Outback bloke and psychopathic murderer (based on the character played by John Jarratt in the vile slasher flick Wolf Creek – with additional input from Kenneth Cook’s novel Wake In Fright)
By the way… lots of old-fashioned Ocker slang follows.
Warning – homophobic insults occur at the end.
Dr Jones Ukah 28/12/2005
I know this message will come to you as a big surprise because we have not met before, but please do not think this is one of those scam or junk mails you received in your email box/fax machine.
My name is Dr. Jones Ukah, I am from the Federal Republic of Nigeria and the chairman, Contract Award Committee of Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). I have been on this position for the past ten years; but I have nothing to show for it. I will love it, if the both of us could do business together, which will be of mutual benefit.
Since I am the Chairman Contract Award Committee, I will award a Forty million US dollars ($40 million USD) contract in your favour to supply Gas Turbines and equipments. A Mobilization (up front) fee of twenty million U.S Dollars ($20 million USD) will be given to you to start the supply. But as soon as the mobilization fees gets to your hands, you are not going to do the supply.
You and myself will share this mobilization fee on a 50-50 basis (Equally). The reason why I want us to share this start up fee is because I have been in this position as the chairman for the past ten years, and I don’t have a personal house of my own, my salary is a peanut. I cannot adequately take
care of my children.
In fact, things are very difficult for me. If I retire, I will have nothing to fall back on. People come sometimes to seek for favour from me and after awarding them contracts; they’ll not remember me again. A lot of people promised and failed me. As a result of this, I want to help my self this time because I’ll not want to die a poor man. If we do this business together, with your full co-operation and support, we will successfully complete it within five days. I am the person who will authorize the release the start up fee to you.
You have nothing to fear. I want you to remove anything like fear from your mind. This is the safest business you can ever think of. I will give you more information on how we are going to do this business as soon as I receive your reply showing that you are ready to do the business with me.
But please do not discuss this business with anybody, even your best friends until we have finished successfully.
I will want you to reply me immediately so that I can tell you the next step to take. In your reply, please include your full names, address, private telephone /mobile and fax numbers.
You're right mate, I am surprised.
Are you sure I'm the one you wanted to contact?
Dr Jones Ukah 28/12/2005
Dear Mark Taylor,
Thanks for the email!
I made no mistake in contacting you for this project and be rest assured that you will not regret taking part in this arrangement.
Provide me with the following information for proceeds:
YOUR FULL NAME:
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:
But first of all I will appreciate you give me a phone call so that we can discuss this project as I will be traveling to United Kingdom England for especial training. But I want to make sure you can handle this contact properly, I will approve the first US$20M mobilization fees to your favour through our custodian office in Netherlands.
As soon as all the approvals is granted the office will contact you and you shall be required to travel to Netherlands to sign the necessary documents regarding the contract with the office on my behalf and receive the funds as I join you in your Country Australia for the sharing.
Reach me on this number for further discussion urgently, +234 1 775 0719,
I wait for your reply and phone call,
“Fox River” is, of course, standing in for “Wolf Creek”.
G'day Dr Jones,
First off, it's MICK Taylor. Not Mark Taylor. Mark Taylor was captain of the Aussie Cricket Team. I never was. All clear now?
I've tried to call your number but the phone service out here is as reliable as a pollie's promise. Dunno if you'll be able to get my number, mate, best of luck if you try.
YOUR FULL NAME: Michael John Taylor
SEX: Male (100%)
CONTACT ADDRESS: 131 Wills Road, Fox River, Northern Territory, Australia
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN: Australia (and proud of it)
TELEPHONE NUMBER: (0 8419-7282 (but no guarantee it'll work)
FAX NUMBER: No fax.
OK, you got that, what's next?
Dr Jones Ukah 30/12/2005
Dear Mick Taylor,
Thanks for your email! I have received your email and tried to contact you through the phone number given, but the phone was not through, please do give me a correct phone number including your mobile line so that I can submit then to the officials in Netherlands for immediate contacts.
Meanwhile, I will continue with the processing of the necessary contractual work and as soon as the approvals are out I shall send then to the Netherlands immediately in your favour.
Please start making arrangement to be in Netherlands by next week to enable you sign and receive the part payment which serves as mobilization fees for the contract which both of us will share after clearing as I will join you in your Country Australia.
As soon as I get your phones I will forward then to the officials to contact you urgently and arrange a meeting date. I hope and believe in your ability to finish this project successfully,
I wait for your email,
Geez mate, you're in a tearing hurry, ain't yous? Next week? Mate, I am at the other end of the world from you. It ain't a matter of getting the ute going and buzzing off down the road.
Doc, I told you the phones here couldn't be trusted. Local calls are on the frisky side, interstate calls are flaky, anything over that, you'd be better of with one of those megaphones. That's why I opted for local-only service on my mobile.
Anyhoo... I'm a little bit leery of humping my bluey 12000 miles or thereabouts purely on spec.
Doc me old china, do me a favour here. Show me the money… just some of the paperwork would be OK. Do that and we'll be jake.
Mate, for someone in such a bloody hurry, you're taking your time, y'know.
Get on with it, will ya?
Dr Jones Ukah 02/02/2006
I am working on the approval of the contract and will get back to you as soon as I complete the entire process and the arrangement for you to travel.
The moment of the funds to Netherlands will take place before the end of this week and I shall send you a photograph of the money when it move and you shall get letter of Authority from my Ministry which will be show on demand when you arrive Netherlands. Please provide me with a working line where the officials will contact you. It is very important!
Get back to me immediately,
“Doc Tydon” and “Bundanyabba” are direct lifts from Wake In Fright.
Look mate, the phone line works when I call local, so the phone company says there's no problem.
Seems that it ain't enough to not get calls from overseas that they'll stir their stumps. Looks like privatisation can't come soon enough...
I'll try to get over to Doc Tydon in Bundanyabba tomorrow or the day after, see if his phone doesn't work better than mine.
Maybe we could set up a chance for me to talk to you and your mates from there. It'd mean setting up an appointment for you to call me or maybe the other way around.
It's 7:15 here, what time you got over there?
I was getting bored with this, as I had no real empathy for Mick Taylor, so the misprint about the passport was a real gift.
Dr Jones Ukah 02/02/2006
You can ring me anytime, time different does not matter but right now the time is 10.54 pm Nigeria time. If you call me we will be able to work out the time difference between us. The number is +234 1 775 0719.
I will leave for England next week but before the trip I want to make sure you will be ready to travel to Netherlands.
You need the following requirements to travel:
Your International Passport, as poof of identification,
Administrative and signing fees of (12,000,00 Euros)
Letter of Authority from the Ministry (NNPC), showing that you have the right to execute the contract.
As soon as all these are made available to the officials in Netherlands you will be attended to and after signing the consignment containing the funds (US$15.5M) will be release to you. Remember that I am joining you in Netherlands from London and together we shall fly to your Country for investment.
Please call me immediately and lets see how it goes,
I should be able to try tomorrow, if I have no luck tonight.
Oh yeah, and about my passport – what's that about a poof? That sort of talk ain't welcome, mate.
What's the letter of authority? I sure as hell don't have it.
Put me in the picture, Doc, and soon.
And no poof talk again either, OK?
He missed the point about ‘proof/poof’. I guess Nigerians are not up to speed on Oz slang.
Note the American spelling for ‘check’.
Dr Jones Ukah 02/02/06
Thanks for your email!
Your Passport is required to show the officials that you are the real (Michael John Taylor), it is done like that in international transactions and locally, if you issue a Bank Check to anyone the person will have to show proof of identification to the casher before he or she will be paid at the Bank. Be rest assured that you are not forcing any danger either.
Find attached a copy of my own passport to at least put your mind at rest and also for easy identification when I join you in Australia or Netherlands.
The whole documents and approvals for the contact will be ready by Monday 6th of February
2006 and will be shipped to your house address stated below by the DHL courier service
(www.dhl.com). The Parcel will be addressed this way.
Attention: Michael John Taylor
131 Wills Road,
Therefore, you are required to send the total sum of $550, which serves as the insurance and shipment fees via WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER to the name of my secretary below:
Name: ALEXANDER MORDI
Ensure to send the relevant transfer particulars to me by email in the order below:
1.Name and address of Sender.
(2). MTCN or payment control number.
(3). Amount sent.
(4). City and Country where the money is originating.
Upon the confirmation of this payment today the documents will be sent out first thing on Monday morning and will get to you within 2 to 3 working days, the documents are what you need to clear the funds with the Custodian office Netherlands.
I shall wait for your email and phone call later today,
First, you call me a poofter, then I find out your secretary is a bloke... what sort of arsebandit operation are you running over there?
Look, I want an apology for that, or no deal, OK?
Dr Jones Ukah 04/02/2006
You are a disappointment to your parent and the entire household of your family, This is not
Childs play and I don’t know what you take for.
If you are ready for the business send the money as directed and you shall receive the documents for the project.
The Doctor earns himself an in-character kiss-off, without ever being told that he had been taken for a ride.
Hey Doctor Fudge Packer,
At least I don't take it up the arse like you.
I don't do business with poofters, fags, gays, queers and all the rest of that sick and twisted shit. Keep your fucking money, I don't want to catch AIDS from it.
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.
"I aim to misbehave."
x5 x2 x 180
x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert