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 The Education of Tony Nkosi (The End)

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Larry Flynt
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Young Mr. Nkosi wanted to try his hand at scamming. He might have made it to the big-time, he might have been a contender! However, cold cruel fate sent him to my inbox. Read on, as the dream falls apart... To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "It's tragi-comic. Like when a clown dies."

Quote:
Dear Friend,

I am TONY NKOSI, the first son of late chief JOSEPH NKOSI, from mende
district in Sierra Leone.I got your Contact through the world
online\internet network.My source of your contact gave me the courage
and Confidence to contact you about this very delicate matter.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to Seek your
assistance to transfer our cash of twenty One million eight hundred
thousand dollars ($21,800,000) now in The custody of a security and
trust company to your private account pending our arrival to Your
country.

SOURCE OF THE MONEY:

My late father, Chief JOSEPH NKOSI, a native of mende district in the
Northern province of Sierra Leone, was the general Manager of The
National Mining Co-operation (N.M.C.) Freetown. According to my father.

This money was the income accrued from mining Co-operations over draft
and minor sales. Before the peak of the civil war between the rebels
forces of major Paul Koroma and the combined forces of ECOMOG peace
keeping operation that almost destroyed my country, following the
forceful removal from power of the Civilian Elected President Ahmed
Tejan Kabbah by the rebels.

My father had already made arrangement for his family (my mother, my
younger sister and myself) to be evacuated to a neighbouring West
African country, with our personal effects and the box containing the
money.My father deposited the box in a private Security Company for the
safe custody until after the war when he will join us.

During the war in my country, and following the indiscriminate looting
of public and Government properties by the rebel forces, the mining
coop. Was one of the targets looted and destroyed.

My father including other top Government functionaries Were attacked
and killed by the rebels because of his relationship with the civilian
Government of Ahmed Tejan Kabbah.As a result of my father death, and
with the news of my uncles involvement in an air crash in January our
hope of survival was completely dashed.

The untimely deaths caused my mother heart failure and other related
complications of which she has been suffering fom all these years.She
died in the hospital just last month after we have spent a lot of money
on her.

Now my younger sister and myself(I am 26 and she is 1Cool are alone in
this strange country suffering without any care or help.Without any
relatives, we are now like refugees and orphans. Our only hope now is
in you and the box deposited in the security company.We can?t go back
to Sierra Leone even after peace have been restored because We don?t
know what will happen to us as its the murderers that are now in power.

To this effect, I humbly solicit your assistance in the following ways.

To assist me claim this box from the security company as a foreign
partner/beneficiary.

To transfer this money in your name to your country.

To make a good arrangement for a joint business Investment on our
behalf in your country and you,the caretaker.

To secure a college for my younger sister and myself in your country to
further our education.

And to make arrangement for our travel with you to Your country after
you have transferred this fund.

Most importantly, the security company officials do not know the exact
content of the box because it was declared Documents,photographic
papers and valuables belonging to a foreign partner. The whole
documents issued to my late father after deposit are all in my custody.

Please I am waiting for your urgent response on this matter as its then
I'll let you know me and my sister's location and the contact details
of the security company here.

Expecting to hear from you

Thanks and God bless you
Best regards
TONY NKOSI (for the family).


Quote:
Tony:

I have read your letter, and it has truly touched me. The plight of Sierra Leone is known here in the USA, and for you and your sister to be caught up in all this madness and horror is nothing short of unspeakable.

Firstly, what is the west African country that you and your sister are now in? Is it Chad? Chad is often portrayed here in the USA media as a haven of calm and prosperity in the torrent of political dealings that characterizes Africa. If you are not in Chad, I recomend you go there posthaste, as they are (from what I have heard), very kind to refugees such as yourselves.

Tony, I am not in this for the money. You can give me nothing if you so wish. However, I can tell you that with your money, you and your sister can receive a first class education in one of our fine universities such as Harvard, Princeton or DeVry. You see, Tony, education is the key to success in America, where you and your sister are welcome to make your homes. Those without education often hit the "glass ceiling" in their oppressive jobs in fudge-packing factories while those with greater skill can move up to more glamourous jobs.

What is the name of the security company that you have entrusted your money to? Perhaps they have a website, or I may call them directly. Hopefully they are in Chad.

Sincerely,
Father Matt Foley,
Order of Saint Nambla


Quote:
Hello,

I want to use this opportunity to thank you very much for the response to my e-mail,well I will also thank you for your sympathy towards the ordeal we are facing here and I am very willing to give you details why I am soliciting your assistance please.

The consignments is still in the possesion of the security company(HALLMARK SECURITY COURIER & VAULT SERVICES,LAGOS,NIGERIA).It can be freighted to you directly if I make all proper documentation to your name and address which is what I am willing to do and also why I contacted you for assistance.That is why you have to send to me,immedieatly,your data.I mean,YOUR FULL NAMES,YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS,YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER.All these data are required by the security company(HALLMARK SECURITY COURIER & VAULT SERVICES),to commence on rthe procedures of change of names guiding the consignments to your names thereby making and presenting you as the beneficiary,and also the commencment on how the consignments will reach you.

Firstly what you must know is this ,we are currently under political asylum here In west Africa(Nigeria Precisely)and the law here prohibits asylum seekers engaging In cash transaction of this magnitude until he or she has been seen finally through the assylum process, and because of this simple reason I do not want to deal with anyone here In the Nigeria.All we need Is a foreign partner or affiliate that can be capable enough to help us Invest this funds In a profitable venture that will be a source of income for me and my sister In the future since we do not intend staying or Investing here.

What Is required of you please as I have told you in my previous e-mail is to act on my behalf as the sole beneficiary to this consignment(funds) with the courier company ,but before you can do this you must have the neccessary documentations as proof showing you as the actual beneficiary.All these I will send to you on one condition,I need to be assured of your willingness to help me execute this challenges ahead with ultmost trust and honesty please.

Our no. here in Nigeria is +234 803 4544689

Please I will be waiting for your mail as you have given me and my sister a ray of hope in these trying times of ours.We have also resolved that we are going to give 20% of the total money to you if you help us to the logical end as a show of our appreciation and we are not going to change that,our parents never brought us up to eat our words.

I await your urgent response,including your data which i will have to take to the security company immedialy.Please take care of yourself.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks.

Tony Nkosi


Quote:
Tony:

I am so glad to hear that you are safe in the bosom of Nigeria. However, although Nigeria may seem stable now, the Muslims are probably going to unleash a genocidal bloodletting on a scale not seen since the Roman Empire. Additionally, the famous reporter Geraldo Rivera has been doing a 10-part special on National Public Radio about the growing cannibalism epidemic in Lagos and Benin City. Therefore, I think it is imperative that you get to America as soon as possible.

Tony, I have spoken with Jeffrey Dahmer, the head of admissions at DeVry University. He would love for you and your sister to enroll this fall, as DeVry is falling far behind in their federally mandated affirmative action quota of Sierra Leonians. I may send you and your sister aptitude tests in the near future so that Dean Dahmer can see exactly how gifted you and your sister are. After all, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Tell me, is the Hallmark Security Company in any way affiliated with Hallmark Cards? The expessions and sentiment that Hallmark stands for is so droll and pithy, but I am not aware of any branching out into the Security Company business. Since you require my information, here it is:

Father Matt Foley, OSN
419 Pederast Drive
Chingatumadre, California 90210
Phone Number: 206-495-6510

Tony, can you supply me with a photo of you and your sister? The young boys that we service in our congregation are all a flutter with excitement that they can help someone in a backwards cesspool like Africa.

May God bless you!
Father Matt Foley, OSN


Quote:
Hello Sir,

Thanks for your mail and you tried to explain.

I do not know any other city here than Lagos beause that is where the assylum center is situated,i do not know this city you mentioned Benin-City.

I have submmitted your data to the security company.

I was told by the officer that it will take two working days for the process of changing the names guiding the consignments to your mames there by making and presenting you as the beneficiary.So i will go back there on Monday(24th of January),and i will keep you updated.

I will get back to you.

Thanks,
Tony


Quote:
Hello Sir,

Good day to you.

Like i told you that i was asked by the security company officer to come back today and get update,i am just back from the security company The security company has completed the change of names procedures so you are now the beneficiary of the consignment.

They showed me all the documents bearing your name as the authorised beneficiary of the consignment.The officer however said that they do not have a branch office in your country,that the only place they have a branch office is in Europe,Holland precisely.So for that,the frieghting of the consignment will not be directly to your country.They will have to take the consignment first to Holland where they have a branch office for safty.Bear in mind that my late father personally packaged the funds into consignment and it was registerd as dosuments,photographic papers and valuables so as to beat the security at the airport.

I shall send to you all documents guiding the consignment,i will also send to you the informations of the officer in charge of the consignment in Holland.I will send the contacts of the officer the day that the consignment will leave here for Holland,o.k.I mean,the name,website,email address,phone/fax numbers of the officer,whom you will contact and confirm if the consignment have arrived.

The consignment is expected to leave for Holland on Wednesday(26th Of January),so like i said i will send the contacts of the officer that same day.

After clearnce of the consignments i will want you to pick $50,000 and send it over to me to enable me arrange some basic things for me and my sister and also travelling papers/documents for me and my sister to join you.

I must reiterate the importance of confidentiality in all matters,atleast for now untill the consignments are in your possession,o.k.This is so for our safty,please.

I will want you to include in your urgent reply the nearest airport to you in which i can route our tickets,and also inquire for me a house for sale which you will help us buy so that when we come over and settle down we will aave a place of our own to stay.

My sister sends her greetings to you.
Expecting to hear from you asap.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Dearest Tony:

I was quite relieved to receive your last email and find that you are safe and sound. As you know, this is the time of the year where Muslims get all f'ed up on tweek and X. Of course, there is no telling what kind of atrocities that they may prepetrate. Just keep an eye on the honor of your goats.

Tony, I have had a very long talk with Jeffrey Dahmer here in the USA. As I told you in our last email, he is the dean of admissions at the very prestigious DeVry University. Dean Dahmer wants you and your sister to come to DeVry with (are you sitting down?) a full scholarship! That means all your tuition, room and board, books and handjobs will be payed for! Its part of a new federal initiative to get students from countries like Chad and Nigeria to the United States for a full education. This project was the brainchild of a very, very well respected congresswoman, Cynthia McKinney (D-GA). It wouldn't hurt for you to drop by her website and write her a note of thanks. If you do that, you might want to mention your love of Haiti in the spring. She has a lot of connections there.

But to get this full ride, it is a federal requirement that you pass the SAT test. Dean Dahmer sent this test to me, and I have enclosed it as an email attachment for you. Here is what you need to do:
print out the test.
Follow ALL the instructions on the test.
Take the test at a time most convienient to you.
Scan every page back into your computer as a JPEG file
send the ENTIRE test back to me so that I can send in to Dean Dahmer.
Tony, I think we might be onto something good here. Please have your sister take the test too. This free scholarship is for her as well.

Before I let you go, I have to say that I am very glad to hear that the demurrage consignment is going well and that we will get results by Wednesday. Keep me posted!

Be Blessed,

Father Matt Foley, Order of Saint Nambla


Out of the kindness of my enormous, beating heart, I sent him a real SAT test that I found off a Google search. Let's see if Tony has what it takes to be a national merit scholar!

Quote:
Dearest Tony:

I hope you are very well today. Did you receive the SAT examination that I sent you? The sooner you and your sister have it completed and sent back to me the better. Remember Tony, nothing in this world is more important than a solid education and that examination is the first step on that wonderful road of discovery.

Off that subject, but you told me that the consigment was leaving for Holland today? Have you verified this yet? Let me know when you do, so that we can arrange for you and your sister to begin a new life in these here United States.

Be Blessed,
Father Matt Foley, Order of Saint Nambla.


Quote:
Hello Sir,

Good day to you.

Sorry for the short delay,it was due to the fact that the internet cafe at the assylum center developed some problems and just got repaired.

ok,we will have the SAT exams sent to you but the only problem is that the internet cafe here does not have a printer and we are not allowed out of the assylum center.I am trying to figure out how to go about that,anyway.

Like i told you that the consignment will be leaving today for Holland,so i went this evening,to inquire about the movement of the consignment.The security officer came back and told me that the consignment have moved abored a private cargo airplane to AMSTARDAM IN HOLLAND,the consignments have left to arrive HOLLAND in the next 9 hours.

Please, this is the informations of the officer in charge in Holland:

OFFICER: SCOTT ANDERSON
ADDRESS: 19 LEIDSESTRAAT , AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS

PHONE #: 0031-625-570-913

FAX #: 0031-847-301-611

EMAIL : [email protected]

You are to,please contact this officer first thing tomorrow morning via phone or email and verify if the consignments are there,then ask him how the consignments will reach you.

The copies of the document is also with the security company.As I said the document bear your name and it is only you and i that knows the contents of the consignments because my late father used a security code number to lock the 2 silver boxes containing the entire $21.8m dollars.

When you contact the officer do tell him that you are contacting him in respect of consignments containing documents,photographic papers and valuables being deposited by one CHIEF JOSEPH NKOSI ,who has legally presented you as the beneficiary of the consignment.

As I said the security code number I am giving you must be for your eyes only, the number is(773),please you must not disclose this number to nobody.When the consignment reach you,you use the number to open any of the tow boxes.Be also informed that the money in the two boxes are in $100 bills and each box contain $10.9m,giving a total of $21.8m.

Please contact the officer in Holland tomorrow morning for i am worried and want to know the safty of the coinsignments.

The officer here gave me a reference number and said that the officer in Holland will ask you of the reference number,that when he does you should give him this reference number which is hscvs/792/05,ok.

Meanwhile,i did ask the officer here if the consignments could be sent to you and he said that when you contact the officer that you should find out,so contact the officer and make inqurries.

My sister is so gratefull and sends her greetings.

I will be waiting for your mail.
Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Apparently I didn't jump quite quick enough for him. Its rather sad, because he is foregoing a bright future for immediate gratification.

Quote:
Hello Sir,

Good day to you.

I hope you got this mail which i sent to you yesterday?:


Quote:
Hello Sir,

No mail from you yet?.Have you contacted the officer in Holland?.I am in the dark here and do not know what is going on.Please do say something to me.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks

Tony


I reluctantly contact the demurrage consignment officer.

Quote:
Dear Officer:

I am writing in regards to the status of the consignment for chef tony nkosi. How can I get this consignment delivered to me and my parish?

Sincerely,
Father Matt Foley, Order of Saint Nambla


I think its time for a little "After-School Special"-type Tough Love.

Quote:
Tony:

I have contacted the officer in Holland, but I have not yet heard back from him. but I think there is a much bigger problem here.

Tony, I find your story about not having a printer in your internet cafe more than a little hard to swallow. If fact, I think it is total bullshit. In all seriousness, you are going to have to take your education a lot more seriously if you expect me and the parish to be able to help you. So far, you seem much more concerned about matters of money than your future. Son Tony, I say this to you now: Take care of the future and the present shall work itself out. Perhaps you are feeling intimidated by this test. Tony, that is a natural feeling and is nothing to be ashamed of. However, you must take that test and send it to me soon if you expect to have a future in the USA. If you do not have documentation saying that you have matriculated into DeVry University, you are going to find getting into the United States a hell of a lot harder. The USA government has regulations that anyone darker than George Hamilton, but lighter than Gary Coleman, should be under intense scrutiny before being allowed into the country. Plus, having a muslim name isn't exactly doing you any favors.

Tony, I guess what I am trying to say is that unless you get the SAT exam completed and sent back to me, you and your sister can never hope to be little better than hookers on the streets of Lagos, selling your bodies to satisfy the darkest, most twisted, unnatural cravings of the bottom rung of humanity. But if you get that examination turned back into me, you can look forward to a future of P. Diddy style understated elegance and the kind of respect that great men like Ron Artest and Latrell Sprewell are afforded. Remember, Tony, God helps those who help themselves.

Now buck up and get that SAT exam finished!
Blessings and Love,
Father Matthew Foley, Order of Saint Nambla


Quote:
Dear Foley,

How are you? I wish to inform you that we have received the
recent email you sent us and the content was pretty understood,
please send us the consignments Reference Number so that we can tell
you the status of the consignment.

Your prompt response will be highly appreciated.

Best Regards,

Scott Anderson,

Director of Operations.


Quote:
Dear Scott.

I am a man of the cloth. My name is Father Matt Foley, not just "FOLEY". A little more respect from you would be appropriate at this point.

Secondly, the reference number is 773. I don't know why your company choose a 3 digit number, but there it is.

thank you,
Father Matt Foley


Quote:
Tony:

How are you and your delightful sister this morning? I have sent the security number to the demurrage company, and I am awaiting their reply. Do not worry, as your consignments shall be safe.

Are you nearly done with the test? I hope so, because I spent some time with Dean Dahmer (you remember, the dean of admissions at DeVry) at the bathhouse this weekend. As we loitioned each other, the subject of you and your sister came up. Dear Tony, there are many many scholarships available to you because of your position. For example, the Reverend Al Sharpton Fund will pay you up to $5,000 cash for college expenses. Also, the Robert Mapplethorpe Charitable Trust will give you a tax-free stipend of $1,000 per year of your studies. Mind you, both you and your sister would have to qualify for these scholarships, but you are both eligible. Happily, there are no other applicants for these scholarships this year, so you will not have any competition for them at all. Tony, they are 100% yours if you want them. Disbursement of funds can be done through Moneygram or Western Union if you so desire.

But there is a downside here Tony. Time is not on our side for this, becuase to get the scholarships, your SAT test has to be complete by February 3! Tony, this is balls to the wall time, my son. Dean Dahmer is literally grabbing his ankles for you to get these scholarships. Please hurry with the test so that you and your sister will have a life here in America that doesn't consist of petroleum dispensing or being the fluffer at vivid video.

Sincerely,
Father Matt Foley, OSN

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.

Last edited by Larry Flynt on Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:28 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Larry Flynt
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Hello Sir,

Thanks for your mail.

So the officer in Holland has not gotten back to you yet?,that means that you(we)are yet to know if the cosignment are there in Holland.I need the confirmation,my heart is still in my mouth untill i get the confirmation that the consignments are there in Holland.You tell me not to worry that the consignments are safe,but no confirmation yet.If the consignments are lost ,SIR,I AND MY SISTER'S LIFE IS DOOMED.I would have advised that,if the officer is yet to get back to you as at today do send him a mail as a reminder or better still give him a call.

Sir,i do appreciate your concern over our education,i apprciate it so much.We also know that we must conclude our eductaion for it is one of our plans,infact the highest or first in our order or priority,and we know,that will only make our dead parents happy wherever they are now.

I do also understand that you want us to get the scholarship,but sir,it shouldn't be a thing to worry about,because we have $21.8m out there and it will be more than enough to finance our education to any level whatsoever.So the issue of scholarship,though good but it is not too relevant for we can finance our education,this you also know .That is why getting the consignment from Holland should be our(your)most concern and concenteration.

Please do remind the offcer in Holland and know what to be done.We so much wish that the consignment have gotten to you,as we are relaxed with your mail which shows us that you are acting like our father and have us in your mind.Thanks a million time for that.

Expecting to hear from you,

Thanks,

Tony


Its always about the money, isn't it Tony?!?

Quote:
Attention: Father Foley,

How are you? i wish to inform you that we have received the
recent email you sent and the content was understood, sorry for not
adding Father in addressing you in my last message.

With the reference number you sent us, we presently have two
trunk boxes with your name as the beneficiary
in our warehouse in Amsterdam, your presence will be required in our
office in holland for you to sign all the documents backing the
release of the consignment, below are the requirements needed before
the consignments can be released to to you.

1.Copies of the documents backing your claim of the consignment.

2.A copy of your personal identification(Preferably International
Passport or Driver`s licence).

3.The sum of 7,500Euros for Handling/Andministrative charges which
need to be paid in cash before the consignment can be released from
the warehouse by the warehouse manager.

With this latest development, we have scheduled an appointment for
you on Monday 7th of f Feb 2004. for the release of your
consinments, as such, you are advised to send us your flight
schedule so that one of our staff and a driver can pick you up to
our clearing house.

We hope to hear from you soon,

Best Regards,

Scott Anderson,

Director of Operations.


Quote:

Tony:

I am dumbfounded. This scholarship money will be available to you right away. Why in the sacred name of holy fuck would you turn it down? Its great that you think you have these "boxes" in Sweden full of money. But what would happen if the demurrage company has LIED TO YOU? If that is the case, you and your sister have nothing to look forward to except tossing salad in Chad. You may even toss the salad of Chad himself.

You are basing all your hopes on these boxes, Tony. That is just plain sad. Of course, I will send all the necessary information to the security company. That should be understood. But you are going to have to take charge of your own life, Tony. I can't do that for you, your sister can't do that for you. How long has it been since I sent you the SAT? Have you made any progess on it at all? Have you even printed the fucker out yet?

Tony, you never call me by my name. Some call me "Father", while others call me "Big Daddy". Some call me "The Gangster of Love". Some people call me Maurice. Please understand that I am your daddy now, so please address me as such. Since you are my children, please send a photo of you and your sister as soon as you can. I still bless you and touch you and your sister even as I touch myself. May Shelob watch over you during this dark time.

Many blessings and flatus,
Father Matt Foley, Order of Saint Nambla


Quote:
Scott:

Flights to Amsterdam on such short notice are quite expensive. I would like to change my appointment to Friday Feb 11 at noon. Additionally, I will require lodging for the trip. I will require a single deluxe room at the The Grand Sofitel Demeure, Oudezijds Voorburgwal 197, Amsterdam, 1012 EX Netherlands. Please make the reservations for me, as I do not currently have international calling access. Email me back with a confirmation number when you get it. I have attached a copy of my passport for you reference.

Thank You,
Father Matt Foley


My "passport" is some extra pornography on my hard drive that I corrupted by typing naughty words into the file using Windows Notepad.

Quote:
Hello Daddy,

Thanks for your mail and concern.

Though your mail sounded anger in you,and you even said that you are sad.PLEASE DON'T BE,DADDY,I BEG YOU.

What i really meant as concerned the SAT was that though a very good and welcomed idea,but we have money in the boxes which can finance our education to any level,i tell you sir.The boxes are there.I am not arguing with you or being stubborn,God forbid,our parents never brought us up to be sturbborn or heady,it is just that we feel it is not necessary as we have enough to take care of all we need.Besides,i did tell you that the internet cafe at the assylum center just have computers no other equipment,even the computers are just about 20,not much.The internet cafe does not have a printer they do not even have a scanner.Though,since you insist,i will try and see if i could give any reasons to be out of the assylum center for some time,if that is accepted and i am granted to go out for some time,then i will do it.Please do understand daddy,that it is the tight situation here and i really appreciate your concern.

Please as you did request,find enclosed the pictures of me and my sister and also the picture of our late parents.The pictyres were taken when we were home and having good times and good things of life.Infact those particular pictures were taken on my later father's 50th birthday.If you see us now daddy,you will have pity for us,i tell you,for we are now a shadow of our old selves.Also i thought it will be wise and also to let you now why i am SO OPTIMISTIC about the money in Amsterdam,i did attach the picture of the money.The picture of the money was taken before my father deposited them with the security company in the year 2000.I am sure he did that for security reasons.

Meanwhile daddy,what did the security company say.ARE THE BOXES THERE?.

So daddy those are the pictures,please in your urgent reply do let me know if you got the attachments,also what the plans are.

Once again i will see what i can do as concern the SAT.Thank you very much for your concern,you are really a daddy and please do not be upset with me for you scared me with your mail and words.

Expcting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Tony in happier days gone by...Image

Tony's sister...Image

Mom and Dad...Image

The loot...Image
Have I seen this picture before? Hmmm... Nah...

Quote:
Tony:

To let you know: yes I have contacted the company in Hamsterdamn and the boxes are there. I will be flying there next week to collect them.

Tony, I don't even know what to say anymore. I have tried my best to be a good father, but if my best isn't good enough, how can it be good enough for two? The money isn't the issue here. The issue is the fact that I have bent over and grabbed my ankles multiple times for you and your sister. I have pulled strings and yanked bishops with Dean Dahmer ever since I got your first email. Do you remember that email? You wanted a better life in the USA, and I swore to God almighty right then that I would touch you and your sister in a way that would change you forever. So I called in favors, wrote letters, and made many phone calls to get you and your sister into the world-renowed DeVry Univeristy with a shot at the Keller Graudate School. The only thing I have asked of you and your sister is to take the SAT exam, which will be generously graded up for you and your sister given your current circumstances.

For my kindness, you have repaid me with excuse after excuse after excuse. My son, my Tony. My heart is broken.

I have prayed to St. Nambla for guidance, and I think I have a solution. If you wish to mend my heart, please send me a picture of yourself holding a sign that says "Touch me now, Nambla". Then I will know that you are truly contrite and my heart will be filled with love. For I do hope that you shall be my prodigal son and return to me.

Father Matt Foley


Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

Thank you for the response to my email, we did not get the copy
of your International passport you sent via email attachment, please
send it again via email attachment or fax, you can also make the
hotel reservation online.

We await your prompt response.

Regards,

Scott Anderson.


Quote:
Daddy,

Oh! what a very good news.I am so happy and very very relieved that the boxes are there in Amsterdam.So daddy as you say,you will be going there next week to pick them up,was that what the officer told you?.

Daddy,i am SO SORRY,if you feel i broke your heart as concerned the SAT exam,i just explained to you the reasons why,and not excuses.I was not allowed to leave the assylum center,i did tell you that it is highly against their rules & regulations here,they feel that once inmates are allowed out we might go out there to present to the public or media the kind of ill treatments we undergo at the center.That is why taking the picture which you suggested is not possible,i am so sorry.The reason is that the officers incharge wouldn't allow that either,they feel that we want to present the pictures to the media and expose the bad things that are going in here at the assylum center.I would have loved to take the picture with or even without the sign,just for you to see how i am now and compare me of now with the picture i sent to you yesterday,so that you know that i and my sister DO NOT DESERVE this kind of life we are living here when we have $21.8m out there,but thank God that you have come to help,thanks.It is so unfortunate that we are,what could even be termed as a house arrest here,for we do not have any freedom at all.They also feel that we might,when allowed,out flee into the cities and would not come back.

I hope you got the pictures that i sent to you yesterday.I mean me and my sister's pictures,the picture of my late parents and the money?.Please let me know.

Daddy,does the officer know that you will be coming over next week?,which day precisely next week??Please do all that is possible to get the consignments and when you are back to your country,do send to me $50,000,when that time comes i will let you know how to send it.You still remember the secret code number my father used to lock the boxes?,it is 773.I am so excited,let me go and inform my sister.

Daddy,can you call us,so that we can atleast speak on phone,you and us?,PLEASE.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Tony:

you're not one fucking bit sorry. If you really were, you would have followed my directions in the last email

I have prayed to St. Nambla for guidance, and I think I have a solution. If you wish to mend my heart, please send me a picture of yourself holding a sign that says "Touch me now, Nambla". Then I will know that you are truly contrite and my heart will be filled with love. For I do hope that you shall be my prodigal son and return to me.

Sadly,
Father Matt foley


Quote:
Scott:

Here is my intinerary for next week:

Thu, Feb 10
7:40am Depart - Los Angeles, CA (LAX) United Airlines 946

Fri, Feb 11
6:55am Arrive - Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS) 1 Stop

Return Flight

Sun, Feb 13
12:25pm Depart - Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS) United Airlines 947
7:02pm Arrive - Los Angeles, CA (LAX) 1 Stop

Who is going to pick me up at the airport? Will you please send a picture of them?

father Matt Foley

_________________
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Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Sir,

Thanks for your mail.

You make me feel as if i am stubborn to your request(s).If you have pity for us and have a soft mind towards our odeal as regards the kind of living condition here,you will accept my explanations.Sir,i have explained to you that pictures are not allowed to be taken here.Though it is a refugee camp,but the African mentality and underdevelopment is really portrayed in there which i believe the authourities are trying to hide.

Atleast i did send to you the pictures we took back home,if to take pictures here was possible i would have done so,but it is not.Please accept my explanation.

I told my sister about this lates development,i mean that the consignments are there in Holland and she was excited.She sends her warmest greetings to you.

Once again sir,i am sorry for the picture situation,it is not my fault.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

We have received the recent email you sent us, the staff who is
to pick you up will be holding a placard carrying your name in the
arrival hall, please make sure you have all the requirements needed
for the release of the consignments including the balanced charges
of 7,500Euros, we wish you a nice trip to Amsterdam.

Best Regards,

Scott Anderson.


Tony gets worried.

Quote:
Sir,

Good day to you.

I did not get any mail from you,i hope you are not still upset or angry with me.Please don't sir,for if you do,it will make me scared and frightened,you know we,atleast be with you till we have our own apartment,so all i think we should be having from you is love and care above all pity.

Sir,please patdon my curiosity,i just wanyt to know if you are married with kids?.Please,i just want to have a little knowledge or insight about who we ae coming in contact with or going to live with for a little time.

Sir,one more thing,does the officer in Holland know that you will be coning to claim the consignmnets on the 11th?

My sister sends her greetings to you.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


A helpful person at 419eater thought of a catchy phrase to put on a placard for the Amsterdam airport!

Quote:
Scott:

Becuase the contents of the trunk boxes are a closely guarded secret, I will have to be traveling under an alias. Please refer to me as Father Albert Q. Bombarderen on your placard at the airport. I will also have the 7,500 euros as planned. Have you arranged for a hotel room for me yet?

Many Thanks,
Father "Albert Q Bombardeen" Matt Foley


Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

How are you? Please respond to my last email to you.

Best Regards,

Scott Anderson.


What a dipshit.

Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

We have received your recent email, like I told you before you
are expected to make your hotel reservation yourself via internet or
telephone or we can check, regarding the Name on the Placard we
cannot write any other name apart from your name who is the
beneficiary of the consignment, please also note that we have not
receive the Passport Id we requested from you, please send us the ID.

Regards,

Scott Anderson.


Tony is getting quite worried.

Quote:
Sir,

Good day to you.

Just wondering what the problem is,i mean as i have not heard from you for a while now.Since last week Friday i have not really heard from you,i just hope you are ok.Or are you till upset with me?.

Today is 9th that means that you will be in Holland on Friday being 11th as you did say.Daddy,when will you be back to U.S .A,please let me know.

Do reply i beg you so that i will have rest of mind as regards you not being upset with me.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Scott:

Perhaps I have not made myself perfectly clear. I am going to be traveling under an alias out of concern for my own safety. I don't really give a flying fuck whether you think its necessary or not. Just becuase I am a priest does not mean that I am suicidal, you douchebag.

My alias is Albert Q. Bombarderen. Be at the airport with the name "Father Al. Q. Bombarderen." on your placard. Try not to fuck this up, as I have very little patience for amateurs. If you have my real name on the placard, I will walk right on by you. I am not planning on wearing my collar either, so don't think you can play "find the priest" by those means. I have attached my passport for you again.

I look forward to seeing you bright and early Friday morning.

Father Matt Foley


Quote:
Tony:

This will probably be the last email you get from me before I go to Amsterdam. I have contacted the security company at everything is ready to go.

I am very, very disappointed that you think you can act like a spoiled rich brat and neglect your education. You haven't sent me any pictures to indicate your remorse. Here is sit, broken hearted...

Father Matt Foley

By the way, no I do not have any children. I'm a Catholic priest, Tony. I don't go fornicating like a common slut.


Quote:
Hello Daddy,

Thanks for your mail.

Daddy i am indeed very sorry for what you think i am,but i tell you that i do not think i am a rich man's son,no,events over the past years have howvere proved that.All i think now is to get me and my sister together and begin a new life all over again.Daddy,i did not neglect my education(GOD FORBID).We must continue our education and graduate successfully and make our foster father a proud man.

Ok,daddy i do understand that Catholic priests don't get married and for that,they don't have children,but you can adopt us,can't you?.

Daddy,did you find out from the security company how long you will spend in Amsterdam,i do not think it has to take time,please let me know whan you are back from Amsterdam.

May the good Lord guide and direct you as you move to render help for humanity.I wish you the safest journey.

I did tell my sister that i got a mail from you and that io seemed you are still upset with us.She also sends her apologies and promises that when we come over that you will see how serious we are with the idea of finalising our education.

Thanks,

Tony


A quick note to Scott is in order before I make for the airport.

Quote:
I'm leaving for the airport, jizzbag. Be there with the sign, because you never gave me a phone number.

Father Matt Foley


Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

It is very painful to see a priest using insultive words, we could
not open the attcahment you claimed you sent, with this latest
development you are advised to give us a call when you arrive
Amsterdam.

Regards,

Scott Anderson.


The weekend comes. The weekend goes...

Quote:
Dear Father Foley,

We had an appointment with you yesterday but you did not turn up,
We do not work this way, you would have informed us that you would
not be able to make it so that we fix other customers in your place,
we have several customers to attend to as such we do not entertain
disappointments.

Regards,

Scott Anderson.


Quote:
Hello Sir,

How is did it go?.Are you still in Holland or you are back to America??.We have been worried that we have not heard from you yet.

Please do let me know what is going on sir.

I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Tony:

I am sorry to be writing to you so late. I took a taxi to the airport last week, when a large truck pulled out of the next lane and slammed into us. the truck was taking a load of rhesus monkeys to the local research lab, and the pen that they were in busted open. I wasnt wearing a seatbelt, so I was thrown from the taxi. As I lay there bleeding and semi-concious, the monkeys went through my suitcase and smeared feces on the contents, including the cash that I was to give the consignment company.

fortunately, an ambulance came in time to take me to the hospital, but not before the police showed up and shot as many monkeys as they could, for fear that they were spreading disease. Most were smearing feces, and a few were openly masturbating, so I can't say that I feel too bad about their deaths.

Long story short, Tony: I just got released from the hospital this morning. I have gotten better, but I am popping Vicodin like M&M's. Hows everything in the refugee concentration camp? Fine, I hope? How is that delicious sister of yours? More importantly, what are we going to do about the money in Holland?

Father Matt


Scott is going to get what for.

Quote:
Scott:

You have some nerve talking to me like that. I was involved in a ghastly car accident on the way to the airport and have just now been released from the hospital.

Father Matt Foley


Quote:
tony:

It seems like I haven't heard from you or your sister in ages. I hope you arent having too tough of a time in your concentration camp. the therapist said that I should be fecally continent by the end of the month, so there is some good news in my recovery.

Tony, I forgive you and your sister. I know that I may ahve seemed harsh at times, but it was all in your best interest. As I lay here in bed, unable to void without the use of a catheter, my thoughts continually turn to you and your sister. I hope you all are going to be fine, but in this day and age who knows? One minute youre in a taxi to the airport, the next minute youre bleeding and being groped by monkeys. Life is strange.

Please let me know what is going on with the money in holland.

Father Matt Foley


Quote:
Daddy,

Thanks for your mail.

I am so sorry for the situation that you are into now,please accept our sympathy.But thank God that your doctor has assured that by the end of the month you shall be well.

Please i cannot write more,for my sister is sick and i have to be with her,i just came to check if there is any mail from you.

Howvere,for now i do not know the situation with the money in Holland,you should contact the officer and find out.

I am disturbed now that my sister is very sick,because i fear for the ultimate unknown(DEATH),for there is very low form treatment here.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


I may have gotten a little insensitive with this next one. Sad

Quote:
Tony,

Buck up little camper! Although you may be correct to say that there is no good treatment for death currently, the current advances in nanotechnology and felching my make the dream of immortality real one day! Tony, do not give up hope, please.

I managed to lose my information on the officer in Holland due to the untimely monkey attack. Please resend all the relevant information.

Tell me, Tony, what is your sister sick with? I know ebola is very popular in Africa; is it ebola? If so, you might want to burn the inevitable stack of corpses that will be sure to acculumate like so much cord wood. Buy lots of gasoline and matches, since you will need it. And don't handle the bodies either without at least washing your hands first.

Please let me know how you little dears are doing!
Father Matt Foley, OSN


Quote:
Sir,

Thanks for your mail.

I will not fail to let you know that we have lost confidence in you,sorry to say.I mean how can you make such an inhuman statement about my sister's condition.First and formost she is not suffering from any ebola,what she is suffering from is SEVERE ULCER.So if she was really suffering from ebola as you thought this would have been your wish for her 'If so, you might want to burn the inevitable stack of corpses that will be sure to acculumate like so much cord wood. Buy lots of gasoline and matches, since you will need it. And don't handle the bodies either without at least washing your hands first'.

Is that what sombody who we are aspiring to be our daday will be saying.It is a BIG SHAME AND DISSAPOINMENT.Yes,we are very helpless now and are in dire need of help,but it is not an avenue for anybody whatsoever to use this as an oppourtunity to say some unpleasant things about us.Sir,we have tested great wealth as well and still have plenty of money in the tune of $21.8m out there,even though we are kids we still deserve some respect.I am indeed very sorry that we have lost confidence in you,and will only have something to do with you after you are back from Holland if you still wish.In the maintime,i tell you i will be sourcing for some body else,and if i get sombody i will let you know that and let you know what you will need to do to diassociate yourself from us and from the consignments.

Expecting to hear from, you.

Thanks,

Tony



Quote:
Tony:

You will have to forgive me for my last letter. I am currently on a lot of pain medications, and have some hallucinations. I feel my health is getting worse, and I clearly wrote what I did in an altered state of conciousness. I thought my nurse was Anna Nicole Smith the other day and I offered her a stick of butter to eat. She was offended, until she realized the huge amount of Percocet that I have to consume daily to keep the pain away.

Tony, I want nothing but the best for you and your sister. Please remember that I am under the influence of many, many drugs like Darvocet, Oxycodone and Psilocybin. Remembering that, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive any offense my hallucinations may have caused.

Love,
Your Daddy 4ever!
Father Matt foley, OSN


Tony comes to one of life's crossroads. Will he choose the way less traveled?

Quote:
I do not know what to say now.I am really too confused to figure out your kind of person.Meanwhile,the number you sent to me 206-495-6510,is not functional.I mean i did try couple of times to call the number but it wouldn't go.I then tried to get the number from the internet,i mean Carlifonia code numbers and to my greatest shock i found out that the number was not in Carlifonia code numbers,infact Carlifonia code numbers started from 209,and no 206 was not found anywhere.So i just wonder who you really are and what your real contacts are.I sorry i am sounding this way,but recent events between me and you has made me to feel that i am not safe with you,I TELL YOU.

Clear the air,then i wil let you know my decision.

Expecting to hear from you.

Thanks,

Tony


Quote:
Tony:

I am very sorry that you doubt my character. I would have hoped, that after all we have been through together, that you would have agreed to be my child by now. I have told you that it was the Percodan talking and not me in my intemperate email to you.

Tony, all is not ketamine and lap dances right now. I have applied to the International Adoption Agency to be your daddy. However, I have been put at the back of the line for consideration of adoption. In fact, after reviewing my file, there may be criminal charges brought against me. By law, I am required to show you this photo of the last young lad I "adopted". As you can see, there might be some question as to my fitness to be your daddy. But I am as innocent as Michael Jackson of all the horrible things that I have been accused of.

Please pray for me, as I really really want to touch you and your sister.
Father Matt Foley, OSN


I'll simply describe the picture I sent with three magical little words: ACUTE RECTAL PROLAPSE. If you really must see it, PM me. You're warned though... it isn't fit for women, children or sissies.

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Dj Tricky
Master Baiter


Joined: 08 Jul 2004
Posts: 242
Location: Causing a trail of destruction wherever I roam


PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 11:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
As you know, this is the time of the year where Muslims get all f'ed up on tweek and X. Of course, there is no telling what kind of atrocities that they may prepetrate. Just keep an eye on the honor of your goats.



Absolute gold! I was pissing myself reading this Very Happy Smile
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Last edited by Dj Tricky on Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:23 am; edited 1 time in total
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Larry Flynt
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 7:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

BTW, if you are masochistic enough, here is the link to the above picture: http://poetry.rotten.com/weightlifter/weightlifter.jpg But don't come bitching to me that I didn't warn you.

So anyway, Tony must be in a tizzy about my true nature! I don't hear from him or the security company for over a week! Ouch!

Quote:
Scott:

I have been given medical clearance to fly to Amsterdam this weekend. Please let me know when would be the most conveinient time to meet you. Is the demurrage charge still 7500 euros? Please let me know as soon as possible. I believe you should already have the scan of my passport.

Thanks,
Father Matt Foley, OSN


BOOOOIIIINNNGGG!! That email bounced! Looks like somebody went ahead and deaded the security company's email! How inconvenient for all parties involved.

Quote:
Tony:

I have been trying to email the consignment company in Amsterdam, but my email keeps getting rejected. did their email service get shut off? Please help me, as I have recently been cleared to go to Amsterdam.

Love,
father matt foley, OSN


Quote:
Tony:

I'm so sorry to had to see that picture. You mst think I am truly a horrible person, but I must tell you, I did it all for the best. How is your sister doing? Tony, if she really does have ebola, I think it would be best to own up to the fact instead of dodging it. Ebola isn't a fucking game, Tony. Its lethal. It doesn't have pity, or remorse, or fear, and it will not stop until you are dead!

Tony, I was able to bribe the local adoption agency, and I am currently filling out the paperwork so that I can be your daddy for now and always! Won't that be wonderful? I know you've always wanted a daddy, and when people ask, "who's your daddy", you can look them right in the eye and say:

Father Matt Foley!!!!


Well, if he found that last picture shocking, wait until he gets a load of what I did with his and his sister's pictures. Twisted Evil

Quote:
Tony:

I'm so sorry to had to see that picture. You mst think I am truly a horrible person, but I must tell you, I did it all for the best. How is your sister doing? Tony, if she really does have ebola, I think it would be best to own up to the fact instead of dodging it. Ebola isn't a fucking game, Tony. Its lethal. It doesn't have pity, or remorse, or fear, and it will not stop until you are dead!

Tony, I was able to bribe the local adoption agency, and I am currently filling out the paperwork so that I can be your daddy for now and always! Won't that be wonderful? I know you've always wanted a daddy, and when people ask, "who's your daddy", you can look them right in the eye and say:

Father Matt Foley!!!!


I enclosed some rather good photoshop work (if I do say so myself) of Tony being caressed by another naked man, and his sister getting it doggystyle up on a kitchen counter. From this next letter, he apparently didn't bother to open them for fear of the visual unpleasantness within. Twisted Evil

Quote:
Hello,

Sure you know that your emails,not only makes me wonder the kind of person you are but at the same time frightens me to death.I mean,what kind of a REVEREND FATHER will be sending that kind of picture and be saying he was accused of that.To the best of my knowledge that is HOMOSEXUALITY,i suppose.FATHER,YOU SCARE ME.

Further more,what kind of a rev.father will brine anybody,as you did bribe the adoption organisation to have us as your adopted children,why would a servant of God be involved in corruption of any kind.

I do not trust you any more.So heart breaking.You need to assure me more of your cleaness and genuinty.I mean your kind of character,sorry to say,is not pure.You have to prove that to me that you are just and right before i send to you the new email address of the security company in Holland,sure they do have a problem with their former email address and have a temporal one now..But for now,i can't send it to you for i think i will be endangering our lives and the consignments.

PROVE YOURSELF.WHO YOU REALLY ARE ????.

Imajine,i did tell you about the phone number that you sent to me,that it was wrong,you have not yet said anything to that effect.

Tony


Tony, sometimes I scare myself!

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
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Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Tony gets a letter that may come as a surprise to him, although I hope it doesn't cause him much embarrassment.

Quote:
Mr. Nkosi:

I am contacting you on behalf of Father Matt Foley, OSN, who has applied at our office to be the adoptive father of both you and your sister. I want to assure you that Father Foley has passed our screening process that all potential parents must undergo with excellent marks. From personal experience, we know that Father Foley has touched many young men as he will touch you. I think you will enjoy his many camping trips that he likes you take young boys on. They leave as boys, but come back as men.

To process your visa for entrance to the United States, I will require your full names, addresses and dates of birth. We at the agency will take care of all the fees and paperwork associated with the visas, so please do not let that disturb you. We understand your position at the refugee concentration camp, and are willing to work around that so you will not have to.

Again, let me offer my sincerest congratulations on your impending new life in America and your new family!

Molly Ringwald,
African Adoption Specialist
Browneye Adoption Agency
419 Hershey Highway
Backdoor, Florida 20914


Quote:
Tony:

My character is clean and pure as the driven snow, Tony. you of all people should know that by now. I don't really know what more I can do to prove my noble intentions for you and your sister. speaking of your sister, is she better, Tony? I know that severe ulcer is a terrible condition, as well as disgusting to have to look at.

Tony, I am greatly surprised at your attitude about the love between men. It is a natural and wonderful _expression of your innermost desires. Have you not lain with men, Tony? If not, then you are missing out on a delightful experience. I hope the pictures that I have enclosed will help you come to terms with that. There are many colors in the homo rainbow, don't be afraid to let your colors shine! Love your fellow man!

Sadly tony, I did have to bribe the adoption agency. With my record, I'd be lucky if they let me adopt a gerbil, much less two "pet" children from Africa. But please understand that I did it with the best of intentions.

Remain ever blessed,
Father Matt Foley


He didn't really respond to my Photoshop magnum opus of having him playing "grab-ass" with another man and his sister getting it doggy on the kitchen counter in that last email. So for good measure, I sent both photos to him again, this time as .jpgs. He'll have to take that seriously.

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
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Posts: 521
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 5:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm beginning to sense that Tony didn't appreciate my Photoshop job. Too bad, cause I was pretty proud of it!

Quote:
YOU ARE JUST A DISGUSTING OLD HAG AND A PURE CANDIDATE FOR HELL.NEVER YOU REACH ME AGAIN.I HAVE BEEN WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU,I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE SUCH A SUCK AND YOU HIDE BEHIND(FATHER).

TONY


Tony, I live for that kind of reaction! You just made my week, big fella!!! Laughing You all must forgive me, but I just don't have the heart to let the little scamp go!

Quote:
Tony!

I'm so sorry! Was it something I said? Am I not still your most beloved daddy? Don't you want me paddling your smooth, nubile young ass? Have you been a bad little girl?

Is your sister ok? Has she died of ebola yet? You can recognize ebola by the simple signs that it presents with... massive bleeding out of the arse, bloodshot eyes and puking blood clots. Does she have any of these symptoms? If I remember right, doesn't your sister have a penis?

Please forgive me for this horrible transgression!
Blessings,
Father Matt Foley, OSN

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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RamenDragonElok
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 17 Oct 2004
Posts: 45
Location: Wouldn't you like to know?


PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

You really are evil, but that made me laugh after a hard day. I love the bait with Stella too. Thanks, dirty wheelchair baiter man!

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Larry Flynt
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Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 12:09 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Thanks, RDE! I like to humiliate and offend. Cool Speaking of which, I sent one last email to dear Tony so that he can prepare to gird his loins for the onslaught that shall soon follow.

Quote:
Tony:

Despite our past misunderstandings, I want to let you know that something very bad has happened.

The pictures of you and your sister enjoying the pleasures of the flesh were copied off of my computer while I was out at lunch! Tony, I am so humiliated by this. Please, I never meant for any of this to happen, but it seems that the genie is out of the bottle, so to speak.

I never meant for them to become public. Again, I am very very sorry.
Love,
Father Matt Foley, OSN


I'm such a little bastard sometimes.

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Weltall
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 04 Nov 2004
Posts: 31
Location: San Francisco


PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 4:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Aww, and here I was hoping to see a lad try to fill out an SAT test. Oh well, great bait. I hope he comes back for more.
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Larry Flynt
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 4:31 am Reply with quoteBack to top

@weltall: click on the word "onslaught" above and join in the fun! Very Happy

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Many thanks to all of you who contributed to the pornography distribution effort. Without your callous disregard for Tony's privacy, I don't think we would have had the success that we did. Anyway, I wanted to finish with a few parting shots off Tony's port bow before I bait his ass again.

Quote:
I haven't heard from you lately, Tony. what is the status of the consignment in Amsterdam? Are you and your sister ok?

Father Matt Foley, OSN


Quote:
Mr. Nkosi:

I am contacting you on behalf of Father Matt Foley, OSN, who has applied at our office to be the adoptive father of both you and your sister. I want to assure you that Father Foley has passed our screening process that all potential parents must undergo with excellent marks. From personal experience, we know that Father Foley has touched many young men as he will touch you. I think you will enjoy his many camping trips that he likes you take young boys on. They leave as boys, but come back as men.

To process your visa for entrance to the United States, I will require your full names, addresses and dates of birth. We at the agency will take care of all the fees and paperwork associated with the visas, so please do not let that disturb you. We understand your position at the refugee concentration camp, and are willing to work around that so you will not have to.

Again, let me offer my sincerest congratulations on your impending new life in America and your new family!

Molly Ringwald,
African Adoption Specialist
Browneye Adoption Agency
419 Hershey Highway
Backdoor, Florida 20914


and finally....

Quote:
Mr. Tony Nkosi:

Although you don't know me, my name is Sgt. Larry Flynt with the
Broward County Police Department. I wanted to inform you that the two people
you have been coresponding with, "Father" Matt Foley and Molly
Ringwald, have been arrested and are currently awaiting trail in Broward County
Jail.
"Father" Foley was a convicted child molester out on parole. He had
been contacting you via the internet connection at the half-way house he
had been staying at. His record of molestation goes back to 1980 with
the "Different Strokes" case involving the late Gary Coleman.
"Molly Ringwald", aka Dana Plato, has been charged with second degree
felony molestation charges and violation of the 4th admendment. Her
'adoption' agency was a dummy company run as a front for molesters to swap
children for heroin.
Mr.Nkosi, your help in capturing these two criminals has been
invaluable. If I can be of further assistance, please email me back.

Respectfully,
Sgt. Larry Flynt

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Have we heard the last of dear Tony? Maybe not... Sgt. Larry Flynt got this over the weekend!

Quote:



CAN I HAVE YOUR ID AS A POLICE OFFICER??





Of course not!

Quote:
Mr tony nkosi:

I cannot send you my police ID due to department regulations that prohibit us from electronically duplicating our identifications. This happened after a flasher gained access to a geriatric facility posing as a police officer, so you can appreciate the need for such a precaution. However, I can send you a picture of myself with our famous police dog, Courtney Love. Courtney had an adorable litter of puppies who grow up to be great police dogs too, just like mom. Last summer, we had to take her off duty for a few weeks after she castrated a suspect who was fleeing. The suspect was involved in an advance fee fraud scheme, a non-violent crime to be sure. However, he gave chase and good old Courtney severed his manhood with her famous 5,000psi biting ability. Too bad we couldn't turn her loose on your email "friends", eh? The prosecuting attorney has asked that you send me a copy of all the correspondence between yourself and Matt Foley and Molly Ringwald. Your name will remain anonymous and it will be used as evidence to prosecute those two and put them in the penitentary where they belong. Let me know when you can get that stuff together.

Sgt. Larry Flynt
Broward County Police Department


Image

I still chuckle when I think of that great line from Stand By Me, "What he said was 'Chopper, sic 'em!' What we heard was, 'Chopper, sic balls!'"

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 6:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Tony is going to have to suffer consequences if he doesn't get his act together.

Quote:
Mr Tony Nkosi

I apologize for having to bother you right now, but the DA is going to need all the emails between yourself and Matt Foley and Molly Ringwald by Friday. His office has really been burning the midnight oil to get this going. Unfortuneately, if he doesn't get that stuff by Friday, those assholes are going to WALK. That means no charges will be brought against either one of them and they will be free as birds. The judge (Hon. Asia Carrera) is a hairy-legged ACLU bitch who wouldn't care if these people get off on a technicality or not. So please, Mr Nkosi, please send all that you can as soon as you can

Thanks

Sgt Larry Flynt

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Larry Flynt
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket


PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:36 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Still haven't heard from Tony, but that doesn't mean that the fun should stop. Let's leave him wondering what really happened.

Quote:
Tony:

Today is the first day in days that I have been able to get to a computer! I am currently in jail becuase of a horrible misunderstanding. Please write everybody you know and tell them that I do not wish to have sex with your sister. Plus, I don't know why homosexuality is illegal here, but it is. Please tell them that we are just good friends, and that is it!

Your loving daddy!

Father Matt foley, OSN


Enclosed was a picture of his sister's face photoshopped onto a large-bosomed she-male. Sgt. Larry Flynt is a little perturbed at Tony.

Quote:
Mr Tony Nkosi

Because of your laziness, Matt Foley and Molly Ringwald are now free. the judge dismissed all charges becuase the DA didn't have a case because YOU didnt send us jack s**t. Congratulations, f**kface. I hope this makes you happy. Your stupidity is going to mean that some other poor innocent kid is going to have his life destroyed. Post-Traumatic Stress or not, you are a f**king p**sy. Too bad we can't deport Foley to your s**t-hole armpit of a country so that he can fist-f**k you in person.

rot in hell, you stupid c**ksucker.

Sgt. Larry Flynt


The resilient Father Matt Foley breathes the sweet air of freedom again! Looks like he'll be back to his old mischieviously puckish ways just as soon as he skips town!

Quote:
Tony:

I'm free! The charges against me were all dropped this morning, and I have you to thank! Oh, this really is a wonderful day for all of us, Tony! If only you and your sister were here to help me celebrate it!

Do you still have the information about the consignment in Amsterdam? I'd love to go get you your money so that we can all start our new lives over in a country with weak extradition laws and a lax attitude towards buggery! Tony, I could just kiss you for your wondeful silence that has freed me from prison!

Your loving daddy-kins,
Father Matt Foley, OSN


And with that, I conclude this bait.*



*Providing of course, that Tony doesn't email me back. I don't think that's very likely anymore, though.

_________________
Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

Odium. Fallacia. Perfidia.
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Dj Tricky
Master Baiter


Joined: 08 Jul 2004
Posts: 242
Location: Causing a trail of destruction wherever I roam


PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 12:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

bwahahahahaha, that's hell funny! Awesome work Flynt - he's going to be paranoid for the rest of his life that every man he tries to bait will want to sleep with him Twisted Evil

And Courtney has one hell of a bite! 5000psi! Wish the Gerbalhump on my x5 had that Cool
_________________
The Creativity Movement (formerly known as the World Church of the Creator) Forum


Last edited by Dj Tricky on Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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maddmatt
Hello I'm New here!


Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 9


PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 9:49 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Bravo well done !!
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