What's an 8-letter synonym for latrine? (4/18 Update)

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Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 8:48 pm

Somebody said on another thread that this is a common surname in Nigeria. Whether it is or isn't doesn't matter so much as the fun you can have with it. He may have twigged after the last email, but it was a fun ride anyhow.

Quote:

From: Evangelist Micheal Sithole
Email:[email protected]
Tel: + 27-73 131 5855.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Evangelist Micheal Sithole, the first son of late Dr.
John Sithole. I am a citizen of Swaziland. My late father
was the managing director of Aluminum Company in Swaziland
but unfortunately he died in the year 2002 after a
protracted illness. Due to poor management of the company
in my country and for the fact that I am so dedicated to
church activities realized that I am too young to manage a
large company of that type and most of the director have
already began to divert the net profit being generated from
the company.

I therefore arrange with my father?s lawyer and sold the
entire company to Mr. Alan Foster from Poland at the price
of US $20,5(Twenty Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars).
Due to constant pressure from some of my relatives and also
fear of likely attack on my family to hijack the fund, I
arrange with my mother to transfer the fund to one of the
security and finance company in South Africa, where I am
currently staying with my mother and my younger ones.

However, I am into pastoral activities now and most of my
time is been dedicated to church activities. At the moment,
we want to transfer the fund to overseas account for
investment because there is no good investment atmosphere
here in South Africa. I therefore need your assistance to
enable me transfer the fund into your private/companies
account overseas so that we can relocate to plan for the
investment of the fund through your personal assistance.

I need your assistance to invest the fund because I have
little experience of investment/management of the fund. It
is also my plan that after the successful transfer of the
fund into your overseas account, I will first relocate my
mother and my younger ones to stay with you, while I will
complete my theological school.

What I need from you is honest and sincerity because this
fund is my life and the life of my family. If can assist us
in this transaction, I will give you 20% of the total fund
for your assistance, while most of the 80% will remain in
your account for (2 years) to enable me complete my school
and join my family to plan for the investments. Please, be
assured that this transaction is not something that you
will be afread of,all will depend if you beleive in God.
I await your soonest response.

Regards and God bless.

Evangelist Micheal Sithole.

Quote:

Dear Michael Shithole:

I would love to help to out with your funds. Where is Swaziland? Is that near Chad?

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

Days pass. Did he ever get my message?

Quote:

dear Mr. shithole.

I am interested in your proposal, please let me know more details

Larry Flynt

It speaks!

Quote:

Dear Larry Flynt,

Compliment of the day and how is business and family?
I received your email and the content was well understood since you are
willing to assist my family and me. Thanks very much for your advice
base on
the business you have proposed where the fund will be invest bass on
after
my meeting with my family, I hope this business are profitable.

I have spoke to my family financial adviser (Mr. Joe Adams) regarding
your
email.
According to Mr. Joe Adams, since the fund deposited with finance
company
we have to first all change the ownership of the consignment to your
name,
the co-beneficiary. After that he have to open a non-resident bank
account
were the fund will be deposited for onward transfer to your bank
account in
your country.
He said that the consignment (fund) would not be deliver straight to
the
bank as such huge amount might look suspicious which may lead to
confiscating the fund. He said that the consignment (fund) will be
deliver
to the National Treasure where he have contacts and as soon as the
consignment (fund) arrive they will raised a cheque in your name which
will
be deposited in non resident bank account for onward transfer to your
bank
account in your country.
He said that this transaction might require your coming to South Africa
to
conclude it but if you know you will not be able to come you have to
send
your personal detail.

1. Your have to send the photocopy of the first three pages of your
international passport or your driver license.
2. Your physical address
The above mention detail will enable him change the ownership of the
consignment (fund) to your name as the co beneficiary.

I will send you the certificate of ownership as soon as it is done,
then my
family financial adviser will be going to the bank to pick up the
application form for the opening of the non resident bank account in
your
name which will be send to you to fill and send it bank as soon as
possible.

As you can see, my financial adviser have ironout everything that have
to do
with this transaction to assure you that there will be no hitch or
problem
at the process of this transaction.

Please kindly consider this proposal and get back to me as soon as
possible
to enable me relay your mail to my family financial adviser.

Thanks for your co-operation and God bless you and your family.

I look forward to hear from you urgently.

My best regards,

Mr. Michael Sithole.

Quote:

My country is close to south africa is a very small country in africa.

I hope to hear from you soon bye.

Eveng.Micheal S.

>From: Larry Flynt <[email protected]>
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Your offer
>Date: Mon, 14 Mar 2005 08:54:13 -0800 (PST)
>
>Dear Michael Shithole:
>
>I would love to help to out with your funds. Where is Swaziland? Is
that
>near Chad?
>
>Sincerely,
>Larry Flynt
>

Thanks for the geography lesson there, champ. You're going to need those skills to keep from being raped by baboons when I send your ass on a safari.

Quote:

Good day, Shithole!

I looked for Chad on a map and couldn't find it anywhere. No matter. I consulted with my finanacial advisor, Prof. Prader Willi, and he told me that your proposal looks to be 100% risky free. This is a relief to me.

My physical address is:

69 Jar Jar Binks Boulevard
Chingatumadre, California 90210

I have enclosed my international passport as an attachment for your perusal.

Secondly, I am the CEO and president of Hard-On tools. Have you heard of Hard-Ons? We don't have much penetration into the African market right now, but with our upright products I think we can give most of Chad, anf the rest of Africa, Hard-Ons despite the stiff competition. Let me know what you think!

Thanks,
Larry Flynt
CEO and President,
Hard-On Tools, Inc.
"Get your hands on a Hard-On!"(tm)

<<Attachment: Passport.jpg>>

Quote:

Brother Larry,

I have received your mail and i called my family adviser he was very
happy.

He have instructed me to keep your details with me untill monday for
him to
go and make the change of ownership of the consighment.

One more thing is that the attach you sent,is empty please you have to
re-attach it again,secondly Joe Adams my family adviser need to
communicate
with you do also send your number.

I will be waiting for your mail as am close to the net this weekend,God
Bless You.

Regards,
Micheal Sithole.

Whatever. Your family advisor sucks dog dick. I could totally kick his ass.

Quote:

Dearest Shithole:

How are you and the Shithole family today? Doing well, I hope. I'm sorry that the attachment didn't go through, maybe your server is removing attachments as a precaution against viruses? Well, Shithole, I'm glad to hear that your family advisor is happy. Just what is it that you have to major in in college to be a "family advisor"? That sounds like a pretty cushy job if you ask me.

Is Joe Adama your family advisor? Is he related to the Shitholes? I'm just curious if things work in Nigeria like the do in say, Arkansas. Do you have any little Shitholes (children) running around, and is there a Mrs. Shithole? I haven't been married since my late wife, Althea Flynt died in a bathtub about 20 years ago. I remember telling her it was a bad idea to keep a toaster next to the jacuzzi, but she simply couldn't go the day without a warm english muffin and smack.

My phone system is a quality General Electric product, so you should have no trouble getting through to my phone. I am wheelchair bound, so it is unlikely that I will be able to reach the phone quickly. In that case, you may always leave me a voicemail at 206-495-6510. Because of my handi-capable status, email is my preferred method of communication.

Thank you and God Bless,
Larry Flynt
CEO and President,
Hard-On Tools, Inc.
"Look at my new Hard-On!"(tm)

Guest

Quote:

I haven't been married since my late wife, Althea Flynt died in a bathtub about 20 years ago. I remember telling her it was a bad idea to keep a toaster next to the jacuzzi, but she simply couldn't go the day without a warm english muffin and smack.

Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 5:52 am

heh heh Chingatumadre California Laughing

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 28 Oct 2004 Posts: 123

Nice one - I too love nothing more than to insult the Lads right to their faces (well, right to their email addresses) without their knowledge.

Being able to address one as "Shithole" for an entire bait would go a long way towards making my year.

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:33 pm

Shithole just isn't responding very well to my modalities. I sure hope this isn't over, because there is no hole like a Shithole!

Quote:

Dear Michael Shithole:

How is everything, fine i hope? I haven't heard from you in several days? Are you still interested in going over this transaction with me?

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt
CEO and President,
Hard-On Tools
"No tools are as big as my Hard-On"(tm)

I read this and immediately thought, "WTF?!?!?"

Quote:

The delay is from your side.

Micheal

Wow Shithole! That clears everything up, you douchebag! Perhaps Shithole smells something funny about this whole thing. Maybe he's on to my "hole" bait. Maybe he has an ace in the hole? Is he seeing right through the "hole" thing?

Quote:

Dearest Shithole:

Shithole, what do you mean "The delay is from my side"??? I have been 100% compliant in all my dealing with you, Shithole. I thought you needed my address and phone number and I gave you both. Shithole, what is the problem? Please tell me what to do next.

Also, you nevered answered any of my questions from the previous emails. Are there little Shitholes running around (do you have children to carry on the Shithole legacy?), are you married, and do you like movies about gladiators or are you more into musicals?

Respectfully Yours,
Larry Flynt
CEO and President,
Hard-On Tools
"Grab a hold of your Hard-On!"(tm)

Quote:

Michael!

Blessings of the season to you, Shithole! How are you today, well I hope! In your last letter, you said the delay is from my side. I looked back through our correspondence and realized that you still needed my Kroger Super Saver's card or similar identification! Shithole, if you remember, I asked you what the delay was, but you never told me. I guess that's how business is done in Switzerland, but it would have been nice to get a little handjob from you so that I could know of my grevious error. Anyway, here is my identifaction. Please give me Joe Adams email since he is still you family advisor I presume?

Thanks,

Larry Flynt
CEO and President,
Hard-On Tools, Inc.
"You've never had a tool like a real Hard-On!"(tm)

..and I attach a garbled pdf as a jpg or something like that. Hopefully Shithole replies and doesn't give me the same old verbal diarrhea. Maybe Shithole can wipe this "hole" thing clean and we can start over. Stay tuned!

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