Getting in touch with my feminine side

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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 5:37 pm

A few thoughts to ponder...

-Do you honestly think I'm not going to make fun of his name?
-I bet he runs like a girl.
-Its going to be fun ruining his political future.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 08:22:06 -0500
From: "Managing Director. Engr. Efemena Igho." <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Subject: Towards a collectively better tomorrow for us all.
To:

Dear Intending Partner,

I am a member of the "Contract Award Committee", Federal Ministry of
Petroleum Resources, Nigeria.I am Engr.Efemena Igho.We are in search of
an agent who will discreetly assist us in the transfer of a huge amount
of money as a contract payment and subsequent investment of same in
lucrative ventures in your country.You will recieve this funds as an
applied contractor which will be a part of our perfected modalities.

For your support and partnership,please reply me to negotiate your fees
or the percentage you wish to be paid when the funds arrive your bank
account. You must however note that this transaction, with regards to
our disposition to continue with you, is subject to these terms.
Firstly,our conviction of your transparency.Secondly, that you treat this
transaction with utmost secrecy and confidentiality and.Finally and above
all, that you will provide an account over which you have absolute
control so that we do not run into any form of complications with getting our
own share.

I am looking forward to doing business with you and do solicit your
confidentiality in this transaction, Please mail your response to me
through my confidential email:[email protected] for me
to update you on our plans as to how we intend to actualize this
transaction.

Sincerely your's,

Engr.Efemena Igho.

--
M.D. Engr.E.Igho

Throw some bloody meat into the water and see if there are any bites.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 09:07:04 -0800 (PST)
From: "Molly Ringwald"
Subject: money
To: [email protected]

Dear Effemenate Engineer:

I am very interested in your proposal. Please let me know what I can do to help you.

Molly Ringwald

Typical lad-speak verbal diarrhea. I didn't really bother reading it, except for the second sentence which is a hoot! (Underlining is mine)

Quote:

Dear Ms.Molly Ringwald,
Thank you for your prompt response to my message.
I am flattered that you consider me effeminate.Thanks very much,I hope we'll see to that when I come over for the disbursement of the funds.You have to understand that confidentiality of this business cannot be over emphasised because of our official posotions here as top civil servants.
The success of this transaction will secure our respective families future financially.I am due for retirement soon and going into politics,that is why all aspect of this deal must be followed legitimately to avoid any dirty scandal attached to my name or career at this late stage of my life after being in the system for close to three decades without blemish.We are simply going to follow officially laid down processes and procedures for payment to indebted foreign contractors of the petroleum and natural resources ministry.Let me use this medium to assure you that we will not put our hands into anything illegal.By virtue of our official positions here we understand the workings of the ministry as regards settlement of contract claims to foreigners or oversea contractors.It is these procedures that we shall quietly guide you along to follow for the hitch free remittance of the funds as a contract payment to you on our behalf.
Dear partner,you also have to know that there may arise official tariffs, for us to achieve a complication free remittance of the funds to your credit as a contract payment on our behalf,but by virtue of our official positions and standings here, we are sure of getting official waivers for most of them.That is after conclusion of preliminary investigations have been carried out by the inspectorate division of the finance ministry and they are satisfied with your claims for the payment.In total recognition of this spirit,I assure you that your interest will not be brought to odium by reason of this project or your association with me and my colleagues.You can count absolutely on this as we will not let you down,because it will also directly affect us here.

I am sending along with this message, a specimen claims application form ( see attachment) required to commence this project,towards initiating and enhancing our perfected modalities for securing the hitch-free approval for funds release as a contract payment to your credit. These are the details that we shall use to process the relevant documents backing the payment on the claims to you on our behalf.You are required to print out this form, fill in the relevant details correctly, fax it to me on my confidential fax # 234 1 759 8696 or scan and send it promptly as attachment if faxing proves difficult due to the bad weather here. This will enable me to commence processing and application for the claims at the appropriate departments of the ministry. This is intended to initiate and legalize the transfer of the funds to you as a contract payment after official acknowledgement from the Ministry of Finance. You are advised to keep the original safely for record purposes as they may ultimately be needed at the instance of the project finalization, and confirmation of the funds to your credit.

Ms.Molly,If I don't come over to back you with these documents,you will face problems with your country's Internal revenue service as to the source and nature of the funds, that is why we are doing everything and following due laid down processes and procedures so that we can enjoy the proceeds with absolute peace of mind.It is therefore essential for us to initiate the process of the funds transfer,taking the semblance of a contractual payment to your credit, because we as civil servants are forbidden by law to own or operate foreign accounts in our names and identities. The approval and transfer of the funds for the said contract under our perfected modalities will be officially perceived as payment for contract executed by you for the ministry of petroleum and natural resources, while the very nature of this project as an organized deal, will remain in our (partners only) exclusive knowledge.

Once more,we want to assure you of the legitimacy of this transaction,and subsequent payment of the funds to you on our behalf because of our knowledge of how the system works here after almost three decades in the system.
There are no risk involved, and you must understand that this is a completely confidential transaction, we are on ground here to see it to a timely, hitch-free and successful conclusion.We are handicapped because we lack a viable partner who has a foreign account and is ready to assist us in concluding this urgent business. Under our modalities for prosecuting this project to a prompt finalization, it is our intention that upon receipt of the duly completed and endorsed payment claims Information from you, we shall validate the claim, make a customary written report,that yourself or your company depending on whichever you choose, executed a contract for the ministry of petroleum and natural resources and by virtue of the said contract, is entitled to the claims of the US$19.5 Million that the finance ministry is obligated to remit to your stated contractor beneficiary account. This report will validate the authentic nature of your claim and confirm you as the contractor beneficiary of the funds and therefore entitled to an allocation of an Exchange Control Approval number for the release of the US$19.5 Million, by the Federal Ministry of Finance, and subsequent remittance of the funds to your credit by the Central Bank. All the Finance ministry does after our validation report is to issue the Final Exchange Approval Order Number as a bureaucratic satisfaction of contractual funds release procedure. The transaction will be strictly a bank-bank affair.
Dear partner and confidante,In effect, once the Contract Awards Review and Payment Approval Committee has validated a claim, the Federal Ministry of Finance is bound to approve same, this is why we have an unflinching confidence in the safety and security of our arrangements. You have to understand that we have our names and careers to protect also, that is why we insist on the confidentiality of this deal.

Finally, could you guarantee us the following:
1) That you will keep this transaction totally confidential, and be satisfied with your cut and not resort to blackmail or sell out?
2) That you will remit our portion of funds as instructed by us as soon as they are confirmed in your account or except by further instructions on how you should invest it or bank it in names and identities we shall send to you?
3) That the said properties we may wish to purchase would be bought in the names that we shall send to you, it would be under your management but with an understanding and proofs that they belong to us?

Ms.Molly,I am about to retire in a few months time,and I intend to go into politics and vie for active elective position in the next democratic election in my country come 2007,we have to keep this transaction strictly confidential so as to protect my future political intentions and personal integrity, as a scandal is the last thing i want attached to my name. I am assuring you as one of the originators of this project, that it should be concluded in at most 7-10 working days from the receipt of your completed application claims form. You must guarantee us that we will get our own upon final remittance and confirmation of the funds to your credit, because we will hold unto all original documents until the funds are disbursed.
Once again,I wish to thank you very much on behalf of the others,for your willingness to assist us in this transaction. As soon as we recieve the completed claims form,we will immediately commence the necessary processes leading to securing the relevant official approvals and the eventual transfer of the funds to your credit on our behalf.
You must always remember that timing is very important for our collective success as we have the right men occupying the right official positions to ensure the hitchfree conclusion of this transaction.
We do anticipate your understanding and strict adherence to our instructions and the confidentiality of this transaction towards achieving our collective goal.

Thank you and have a great day.

Engr. Efemena Igho

Tel # + 234 8055 275 045
Fax # + 234 759 8696

Quote:

Dear Efeminine Igor:

I wish you best of luck with your countries upcoming elections. Hopefully your chads shall never hang! The document you sent me was corrupt and I was unable to open it. Also, I do not have a fax machine.

I am 100% trustworthy with other people's money as all of my friends can tell you. Also, I am good at keeping secrets and destroying evidence.

Respectfully,
Molly Ringwald

He takes exception to my spelling!

Quote:

Dear Ms.Molly Ringwald
Good day to you and yours and thank you for your prompt response.
I will also like to thank you for the advise and I make this solemn promise to you that my chads will not hang and all evidences and traces of the funds to you/us will be completely obliterated because we have men occupying the right officials positions,so that we can enjoy the proceeds with absolute peace of mind without any fear of negative backlash.
Ms.Molly,you have mis-spelt my names in your last two correspondences either mistakenly or otherwise.My name is EFEMENA IGHO and not Efeminine Igor or effeminate engineer as in each of your mail.Please take note.
I have copied the details of the attachment to you,since you claimed it was corrupt, please fill in the requested informations so that we can commence the necessary official filing in processes.It is important you get a fax machine,because most of the correspondences from the various ministries and levels of government shouldered
with the task of settlement of claims to indebted foreign contractor as a Non resident contractor will be reaching mainly via fax.It is these faxes that they will be sending you after we have filed in the application at the treasury department of the finance min istry that we shall monitor and guide you along by simply adhering to strict official procedures for such payments.Please you must endeavour to get a fax machine hooked unto your existing telephone line to make it a telefax number so that you could recieve and send faxes.

Please complete the requested details and send back to me so that we can commence on time here.
Thanks for also wishing me well.The next political dispensation in my country comes up in the year 2007,by then I should have retired and with the proceeds of this deal effectively positioned myself advantageously to succeed as a politician as I have as a civil servant.

thank you once again ms.Molly,I look forward to hearing from you.

Engr.Efemena Igho.
=======================================================================

ATTENTION: MRS. LISA AJAYI,

CHAIRMAN,CONTRACT AWARDS REVIEW AND PAYMENT APPROVALS (CRPAC),

FALOMO OFFICE COMPLEX,

LAGOS. NIGERIA

DEAR MADAM,

REFERENCE: CONTRACT NO FMPR/PED
THE SUPPLY AND COMMISSIONING OF 250,000 MONAX TURBINE POLYPROPYLENE PLANTS AND 150,000 BPSD FOR WARRI REFINERY; PIPELINE RECONSTRUCTION AND COMPUTER OPTIMIZAION FOR PLANTS "A" TO "D" AT WARRI REFINERY.

WITH REFERENCE TO YOUR LETTER FMPR/PED/VOL 09427 DATED 8TH JANUARY 2002 AND ARTICLE 35, WE HEREBY APPLY FOR YOUR PROMPT SETTLEMENT OF THE BILL BEING US$19,500,000.00 (NINTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) BEING THE PAYMENT DUE TO US SINCE OCTOBER 2001 ON COMPLETION OF THE ABOVE-MENTIONED CONTRACT.

DUE TO THIS DELAY IN SETTLEMENT OF THE BILL SINCE 2001, WE HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO MEET OUR OBLIGATIONS TO OUR BANKERS AND CREDITORS WHO FINANCED OUR PROJECTS. PLEASE EFFECT PAYMENT OF THE CAPITAL SUM ABOVE PLUS INTEREST ACCRUED CALCULATED AT 5% PER ANNUM FROM OCTOBER 2001 TO DATE OF FINAL PAYMENT.
IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED ARTICLES OF AGREEMENT AND ALL OTHER RELEVANT AMENDMENTS THERETO, WE WISH TO STATE THAT IN ARRIVING AT THIS CLAIM, WE HAVE TAKEN COGNIZANCE OF THE MOBILIZATION FEES ALREADY. WE WOULD BE PLEASED IF THIS PAYMENT IS MADE BY TELEGRAPHIC WIRE TRANSFER, THROUGH ANY OF YOUR FIRST CLASS CORREPONDENCE BANKS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OR EUROPE.

WE SHALL FORWARD DETAILS OF OUR BANK CO-ORDINATES ON REQUEST.

BENEFICIARY NAME:
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS:
COMPANY NAME:
COMPANY ADDRESS:
TEEPHONE NUMBER:
FACSIMILE NUMBER:
E MAIL:

I SINCERELY HOPE OUR REQUEST WILL BE GRANTED URGENT CONSIDERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

Cc:
THE DIRECTOR EXPLORATION AND PROJECT DEPARTMENT
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF PETROLEUM RESOURCES (FMPR)
FALOMO OFFICE COMPLEX,
IKOYI, LAGOS

Cc:
THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL,
FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE (FMF)
ASOKORO DISTRICT OFFICE, GAKRI, ABUJA

I had better things to do than answer his insipid emails, and the delay is causing him worry.

Quote:

Dear Ms.Molly,

Good day to you and your family.

I hope you got the specimen copy of the claims form which I sent to you.Please you must understand the importance of timing towards achieving our collective goal for the complication free remittance of the funds as a contract payment to your credit on our behalf.

Please let me have the completed claims form as soon as possible so
that we can commence on time here.

I will anticipate hearing from you.

take care and have a good day.

Engr.Efemena Igho.

Its time to see what team he bats for. [/QueerEye_music ON]

Quote:

Dear Engr Igoh Efeminine:

I will send you all informations shortly so that we can begin our mutually benefical relationship. But first, I must get to know you better as a person. Please answer my questions so that I can feel reassured that our transaction will come off as 100% risky free.

1) Do you drive a Mazda Miata (Mx-5)?
2) Are you a fan of "Will & Grace"?
3) How many Pet Shop Boys CD's do you own?
4) If you could be any Village Person, who would it be and why?
5) Do you like movies about gladiators?
6) Do you catch or pitch?
7) Which of the Teletubbies is your favorite? Is it Tinky-Winky?

I look forward to working with you so that we can both retire wealthy.

Thanks,
Molly Ringwald

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 8:06 pm

"Igoh Efeminine" Laughing

Abusing this one should be a lot of fun, Larry.

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 10:51 pm

I have a bait going right now with a lad named Bube. So I always call him Booby. But he hasn't acknowledged it yet. I guess I need to get a bit more explicit with him. Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:51 pm

My effeminate engineer is sensing that I have having a laugh at his expense. He is so wrong. 419eater is having a laugh at his expense. Hell, I'm not that selfish!

Quote:

YOU MUST BE VERY BAD WITH SPELLING MY NAME AND NOT THE OTHER ITEMS,THEN IT MUST BE ON PURPOSE.

On Fri Mar 18 9:22 , Molly Ringwald <[email protected]> sent:

Dear Engr Igoh Efeminine:EFEMENA IGHO

I will send you all informations shortly so that we can begin our mutually benefical relationship. But first, I must get to know you better as a person. Please answer my questions so that I can feel reassured that our transaction will come off as 100% risky free.

1) Do you drive a Mazda Miata (Mx-5)? (NO) A BMW
2) Are you a fan of "Will & Grace"? (NO)
3) How many Pet Shop Boys CD's do you own? (NONE),I LIKE REGGAE
4) If you could be any Village Person, who would it be and why? (MYSELF)
5) Do you like movies about gladiators? NOT REALLY (DOCUMENTARIES)
6) Do you catch or pitch? I PLAYED SOCCER WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
7) Which of the Teletubbies is your favorite? Is it Tinky-Winky? (WHO ARE THESE?)

I look forward to working with you so that we can both retire wealthy.

Thanks,
Molly Ringwald

He doesn't know who Tinky-Winky is? Wow, somebody is seriously in the closet here!

Quote:

Dear Efemena Igoh:

I'm sorry if you think I am mis-spelling your name, as it is not a common one here in northern Arkansas. I really mean no offence and I hope that none is taken. Thank you for answering my questions, as I think it really helps me to get to know you better as a person, and not just a partner.

That reminds me, do you currently have a partner? If so, is he out of the closet or in? Not to pry, I'm just really curious. I have friends in Palm Beach who I should introduce you to if you ever make it over to America.

Lastly, you need my personal details, so here they are:

BENEFICIARY NAME: Molly Ringwald
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS: 69 Mangina Boulevard, Buckfutter Arkansas
COMPANY NAME: RuPaul Fudge Packing Company
COMPANY ADDRESS: 419 Swishy Lane, Namblaville Arkansas
TEEPHONE NUMBER: 206-495-6510
FACSIMILE NUMBER: same
E MAIL: [email protected]

I hope that this will get our mutually benefical project off the ground!

Thanks,

Molly Ringwald

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:06 pm

I had to sporfle at the "Do you like gladiator movies?" question. And the response.

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 5:15 pm

Well, I got back from my well deserved vacation laying on the beaches of Florida last night. It came as a surprise to me that he is still there. I guess the homoerotic references are going over his head.

I sent this out right before I left.

Quote:

Efemena:

I haven't heard from you in a while... is everything allright?

Molly

Quote:

Dear Mrs.Molly,
Top of the day to you and your's,
Thanks for your response and your continued display of co-operation and willingness to assist and your prompt adherence to advise.I am encountering some minor difficulties here and would require you to send me a scanned and manually endorsed claims form.
Companies are by far better to do such business with as they cannot just elope with the funds or vanish as easily as an individual when the thoughts of absconding with the entire funds,comes into play.At the moment RuPaul Fudge Packing Company,is currently being looked into if they will be reliable to do business with.That is why until I come over for the disbursement of the funds,we will not relinquish all documents to you to serve as a form of protection for ourselves,because your government will most certainly want to know what and where the funds are coming from ,that is the source and legitimacy of the funds. So far there is no place like Namblaville in Arkansas, and nothing like Buckfutter over there also.Do you think this is business for kids,we are also currently looking into your own background as we would not want to go into business with any unhealthy or shady character.This is more than you think,since we are convinced of success,we have to do everything to ensure that nothing complicates it from anywhere.Confidentiality in this matter cannot be over emphasised, I need my share to secure my family financially and finance my political ambitions on retirement. We are the ones given the responsibility of deciding which claims are legitimate and those which are not. So you must understand the extent we'll go to snure success of our own scheme.You will need to print the claims form,fill in the details or you may want to effect changes where necessary scan and send back as attachment via e mail or by fax on +234 1 759 8696.We could not have this company name registered here as a contractor to the petroleum ministry as required by law,so we would advise you to put in existing and true details or do you plan to elope with the funds?that is near immposibility. Documentations has to be backdated to suit the actual contract award and completion time frameso that it appears you carried out the contract.We have the right men occupying the right official positions to ensure success on our side,so we need correct details and informations.Do you think this is a wild goose chase or what?We are in this for real.You have to also be informed that in accordance with foreign payments regulations and guidelines, contractor beneficiaries at the final stage of their contract payments processing are expected to observe any of the following options for the signing of the final funds release documents.

OPTION 1
You will be expected to come over to the federal ministry of finance to sign out the funds.This will also enable the FMF to authenticate, verify and inspect the sites/jobs or any supply as the case may be. It will also avoid breach in payment,as they will not be held liable for payment to the wrong person or company.
OPTION 2
Foreign contractors who are unable to come to the office of the FMF here in Nigeria for authentication and verification on health grounds can be exempted and allowed to use any of the apex bank's offshore centers across the globe ( London,Holland and Canada ) that is operational as at the time of putting in the official request.So this option we will decide when the time comes.But payment can also be effected directly from here,only when foreign exchange (FOREX) to offset contractors payment is not in short supply here, that this option is considered.
OPTION 3
Which I suppose should be the best option for you allows contractors to apply for the Non-appearance / non resident signing of the final fund release document (FFRD) to be sent to you in your office,in your country for your endorsement or you could choose an associate or a trustee to represent you. This arrangement is for contractors who by circumstances beyond their control cannot come for the signing of the final fund release documents.

Dear Molly,from the above three options, I will want you to choose the one that will be convenient for you so that we can start working on that option immediately as you know we have a limited time frame to conclude this project.My advise is option three,which means I have to go to the health ministry to pick up the non resident contractor form,which I will scan and send to you later.I will give you a better update when I return.We shall then have to file in your absence at the final funds release endorsement on health ground.
On approval of the application by FMF the funds will be transferred and confirmed within 72 Hours after the endorsement exercise is completed.,but give or take 7-10 bank working days from successfully completing the filing in processes for the claims. Molly you should be reminded that there are official tariffs that you will be required to defray as an oversea contractor.

I on behalf of my colleagues will arrange to be with you after you have confirmed the
funds in your credit for prompt disbursement on behalf of the others.We will be ready to share the money as soon as it is wire-transfered into your nominated account.
I have assured you that if you maintain the required confidentiality,the project will be successfully concluded within the stated time frame,now we would need you to send us correct and existing company details and address or you could carry this business out by yourself.

Thanks and take care,have a great weekend.

Engr.Efemena Igho
Fax # 011 234 1 759 8696

What an asswipe. "Do you think this is a wild goose chase or what?", "Do you think this is business for kids". This f**ktard is about to learn a lesson in respect.

Quote:

Dear Efemenaigho:

I am glad to have read you recent letter. I finally got back in town last night after my vacation in the Florida Everglades where I spent a week dynamite fishing for manatees.

I am really disappointed in the tone you take with me. Where the fuck do you get off saying things like "Do you think this is business for kids" and "do you plan to elope with the funds?" and "Do you think this is a wild goose chase or what?" Namblaville and Buckfutter are small town that do not have their own Post Offices, and thus rely on neighboring towns for their zipcodes and mail delivery which is very likely why you can't find them. If you are so fucking dedicated and intellegent, you should know that. I expect that you would do a background check on me; I do not take that as an insult, it just makes good business sense. So, in the future, I would appreciate a little less "sass-mouth" from you. I am a damn smart American woman, so don't think you can fuck with me like the little jungle bitches you have running around over there.

I will need some time to decide between your options.

Also, how is the political campaign going? I know something about political campaigns myself, having volunteered for the Committee to Elect Mondale and the political juggernaut Michael Dukakis. What is your stand on the issues? Do you support same sex marriage? How about gays in the military? these are tough questions, and I think that Nigerians would like some straight (pardon the pun) answers. Are you based in Lagos? Lagos is famous in the US for being the San Francisco of Africa, with its beautiful weather and lax attitudes towards alternative lifestyles.

Respectfully,
Molly Ringwald

Guest

You really have a thing for the pet shop boys CD's!

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