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 Charles Soludo Explains It All (short, sweet, complete)

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mrsbean
Elite Baiter


Joined: 06 Oct 2004
Posts: 1775
Location: North of the Rio Grande, South of Alaska


PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:05 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This is a short bit of silliness that made me laugh. It's only a total of 10 emails, but it had me amused. Mainly because it took little effort and probably made Chuck mad.

I get the usual spammy goodness from the ever-popular Charles Soludo, who seems, like Santa, to be everywhere.

Quote:


Attn:Contractor.
IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT.CONTRACT #:MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009.
From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal
government of Nigeria your name and company was discovered as next on the list
of theoutstanding contractors who have not received their payments.
I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released
to you as soon as you respond to this letter.
Also note thatfrom my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is
us$10.7million dollars(Ten million seven hundred thousand united states
dollars).
Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what you have in your record and
also re-confirm to me the followings
1) Your full name.
2) Phone, fax and mobile #.
3) company name,position and address.
4)profession, age and marital status.
5) Copy of int'l passport.
As soon as this informations are received, your payment will be made to you in a
certified bank draft from central bank of Nigeria and a copy will be given to
you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.
You must call me on my direct number, as soon as you receive this letter for a
serious discussion with me and also get back to me on this e-mail
Regards,
PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO.
Executive Governor,Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Direct line: 234-80-33966648
N.B. Make sure you foward all correspondence to me


I reply, inline, with my lovely details.

Quote:



------ Original Message ------
Received: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 03:29:50 PM EST
From: soludo <[email protected]>
To: Cc:
Subject: IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT.CONTRACT

>
> Attn:Contractor.
> IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT.CONTRACT #:MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009.
> From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal
government of Nigeria your name and company was discovered as next on the list
of theoutstanding contractors who have not received their payments.
> I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be
released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.
> Also note thatfrom my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is
us$10.7million dollars(Ten million seven hundred thousand united states
dollars).
> Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what you have in your record
and also re-confirm to me the followings
> 1) Your full name.

Hannah Andrews Leeds

> 2) Phone, fax and mobile #.

206-343-0011, 206-666-3170, first number is my mobile, second is fax.

> 3) company name,position and address.

Magnatron, Corporate President, The Gilmore Building, Carrida Washington.

> 4)profession, age and marital status.

See above, and my age and marital status are none of your damned business.
They aren't necessary for processing my contract payment.

> 5) Copy of int'l passport.

Attached.

> As soon as this informations are received, your payment will be made to you
in a certified bank draft from central bank of Nigeria and a copy will be
given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.
> You must call me on my direct number, as soon as you receive this letter for
a serious discussion with me and also get back to me on this e-mail
> Regards,
> PROF. CHARLES SOLUDO.
> Executive Governor,Central Bank Of Nigeria.
> Direct line: 234-80-33966648
> N.B. Make sure you foward all correspondence to me
>
> ___________________________________________________________________________
> Mail sent from WebMail service at PHP-Nuke Powered Site
> - http://yoursite.com
>





Nothing at all is actually attached.

Charles replies. He seems to be attempting to shout at me from wherever he is...

Quote:

ATTEN.HANNAH ANDREWS LEEDS.

I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL WITH THE INFORMATION YOU SEND TO ME FOR YOUR OUTSTANDING OVERDUE PAYMENT.

I WILL GET BACK TO YOU BY TOMMOROW AFTER MY VERIFICATION ON THE INFORMATION YOU FORWARDED TO ME FOR PAYMENT.AND ALSO INFORM YOU ON HOW WE WILL DISPATCH YOUR DRAFT TO YOU ON THE ADDRESS ARE GOING TO PRESENT TO US.

YOU ARE ADVICE TO RESEND ALL THE REQUIRED INFORMATION NEEDED FROM YOU FOR VERIFICATION PURPOSES AND I DID NOT RECIEVE THE COPY OF THE ATTACHED INTL. PASSPORT.

THIS IS COPY OF MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT FOR YOUR RECORDS.

PLEASE ALWAYS CONTACT ME ON THIS EMAIL ADDRESS FOR SECURITY REASON.

AWAIT FOR YOUR CALL.

BEST REGARDS.
PROFF CHARLES SOLUDO.
MOBILE:2348033966648.
OFFICE:234-1-4761730
CBN GOVERNOR.



And here is the grainy thing he's trying to pass off as a passport.

Image

I decide on a bit more missing attachment torture.

Quote:

So all you're missing is the passport? I'm resending it in a different
format.

Hannah Leeds

_______________________________________________

<<mypassport.bmp>>
Attachment stripped. Forbidden attachment.
_______________________________________________


Chuck cuts right to the chase (money) and sends me the following. He's either moved farther away, or has decided I'm deaf, because this one is not only in caps, but also in bold.

Quote:

ATTEN. HANNAH LEEDS.
AFTER OUR VERIFICATION ON YOUR OUTSTANDING CONTRACT PAYMENT TODAY.
YOUR CERTIFI BANK DRAFT HAVE BEEN APPROVED TO DISPATCH TO YOU ON THE ADDRESS PRESENTED BY YOU.YOU ARE ADVICE TO PAY 150 DOLLARS IN THE NAME OF OUR ACCOUNTANT MR AMAECHI UMENDI.LAGOS NIGERIA THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO ENABLE THE COURIER SERVICE TO DISPATCH YOUR DRAFT TO YOU ON THE ADDRESS PRESENTED BY YOU.
WE WILL INSTRUCT YOUR BANK FOR PAYMENT AND ALSO FURNISH ME YOUR BANK NAME AND TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR IMMEDIATE CONFIRMATION.
CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.
BEST REGARDS.
PROF CHARLES SOLUDO.
TEL.2348033966648.
OFFICE.234-1-4761730
CBN GOVERNOR.


Hannah feels like picking nits.

Quote:



------ Original Message ------
Received: Thu, 10 Feb 2005 02:12:55 AM EST
From: charles soludo <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: PAYMENT ADVICE

> ATTEN. HANNAH LEEDS.
>
> AFTER OUR VERIFICATION ON YOUR OUTSTANDING CONTRACT PAYMENT TODAY.
> YOUR CERTIFI BANK DRAFT HAVE BEEN APPROVED TO DISPATCH TO YOU ON THE ADDRESS
PRESENTED BY YOU.YOU ARE ADVICE TO PAY 150 DOLLARS IN THE NAME OF OUR
ACCOUNTANT MR AMAECHI UMENDI.LAGOS NIGERIA THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY
TRANSFER TO ENABLE THE COURIER SERVICE TO DISPATCH YOUR DRAFT TO YOU ON THE
ADDRESS PRESENTED BY YOU.

What exactly am I paying this accountant for?

>
> WE WILL INSTRUCT YOUR BANK FOR PAYMENT AND ALSO FURNISH ME YOUR BANK >NAME
AND TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR IMMEDIATE CONFIRMATION.

Bank name and telephone number? Don't you mean an account number?

> CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT.
> BEST REGARDS.
> PROF CHARLES SOLUDO.
> TEL.2348033966648.
> OFFICE.234-1-4761730
> CBN GOVERNOR.
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Search presents - Jib Jab's 'Second Term'

I tried calling earlier, but got a busy signal. I'll try again later.

Hannah



I get the typical "lots of words but says nothing" answer, and yet another plea for information and money.

Quote:
ATTEN.HANNAH.
I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL AND ALL CONTENT IS WELL UNDERSTOOD.BUT LET ME STATE IT CLEAR TO YOU ONCE AGAIN.

YOU ARE PAYING FOR YOUR DRAFT TO BE DISPATCH TO YOU ON THE ADDRESS PRESENTED BY YOU WHICH WILL AUTHENTICATE THE COURIER COMPANY TO DISPATCH YOUR DRAFT TO YOU FOR PAYMENT.

MEANWHILE,WE NEED YOUR BANK NAME AND TELEPHONE NUMBER WITH ALL YOUR BANK INFORMATION TO ENABLE US INSTRUCT YOUR BANK FOR IMMEDAITE PAYMENT.AS SOON AS THE DRAFT GETS TO YOU.
BEST REGARDS.
SECRETARY TO THE GOVERNOR.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.


Why, yes, that clears it right up. Not.

Hee, hee, he attempts to explain it again, and fails miserably. He's very fond of that all-caps bold look and the phrase "Let me state it clear", but his logic has holes you could fly a Boeing through. He's not very clear at all.

Quote:

ATTEN.HANNAH.

THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE TO PAY IN THE NAME OF THE ACCOUNTANT IS TO ENABLE HIM PICK UP THE COURIER SERVICE FEE AND ALSO ASSIST YOU TO MAKE SURE THE DRAFT DISPATCH TO YOU IMMEDAITELY.

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,OUR APEX BANK HAVE RULES AND REGULATION .
LET ME STATE IT CLEAR TO YOU.YOU ARE GOING TO PAY THE FULL VALUE OF YOUR FUND AND IT IS NOT DEDUCTED AS YOU MAY THINK FOR THE BANK TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOUR OUTSTANDING CONTRACT PAYMENT.

PLEASE TRY AND GET BACK TO US BEFORE THE CANCELLATION OF YOUR PAYMENT.

BEST REGARDS.
SECRECTARY TO GOVERNOR.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.


I give him a choice, just to see if he's one of those creative lads who can try to weasel their way out of anything.

Quote:
> ATTEN.HANNAH.
>
> THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE TO PAY IN THE NAME OF THE ACCOUNTANT IS TO >ENABLE
HIM PICK UP THE COURIER SERVICE FEE AND ALSO ASSIST YOU TO MAKE >SURE THE
DRAFT DISPATCH TO YOU IMMEDAITELY.

What kind of complete crap is this? Look, you owe me a contract payment.
Getting me and my company my money is all on you. You are responsible for the
expenses. I don't give a damn if you have to hire a guy to fly it over here in
person and hand it to me, I don't owe you for the expenses for that. The
electric company does not reimburse my gas money if I drive downtown to the
office to pay my bill.



>
> I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,OUR APEX BANK HAVE RULES AND REGULATION .

Yes, and why can the Apex bank not 1) supply me with a website so I can verify
your employment there? You have avoided my question about the bank website all
along. and 2) Why does the bank not do a bank to bank transfer instead of
sending something by courier and charging ME for it?

> LET ME STATE IT CLEAR TO YOU.YOU ARE GOING TO PAY THE FULL VALUE OF YOUR
>FUND AND IT IS NOT DEDUCTED AS YOU MAY THINK FOR THE BANK TO TAKE IT AWAY
>FROM YOUR OUTSTANDING CONTRACT PAYMENT.

You can either send me my payment by courier and pay for it out of your own
pocket, or you can take it out of the amount you pay me in the bank draft.
Your call.

>
> PLEASE TRY AND GET BACK TO US BEFORE THE CANCELLATION OF YOUR PAYMENT.
>
> BEST REGARDS.
> SECRECTARY TO GOVERNOR.
> CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.

Why can you not seem to decide if you represent the Central Bank of Nigeria or
the Apex bank? And why do you continue to avoid giving me a website address
for either, so I can verify independently that you are who you say you are?

Hannah


Sadly, he must not have been very persisitent or creative, as he hasn't written back. So no bank kills, no prolonged fun on this one. I may send him a taunt just for fun and see if I can get any signs of life. But this one was a fun, short little lark.

_________________
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