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 *First bait* - A Really Shitty Church (ongoing)-need advice!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 2:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Hey guys,

This isn't my first bait as such, but it's the first one I've done that really seems to be going somewhere. I sem to be getting this baiting bug big time recently... Anyway, I was going to wait until I had a finished bait and/or a trophy, but I thought I'd stick this up now to see how I'm doing. I'm still fairly new to this, so any advice or comments would be useful.
Anyway, here goes - Rev. John Goat of the First Church of Excretionism, vs Barrister David Johnson! Italics are the scammer's mails, plain text are my replies, and bold are my comments. Ready? Go!

Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2005 10:41:54 +0100
From: [email protected]

Barrister David Johnson
Chambers Of David Johnson
20 Essex Street, London, WC2R 3AL
E-mail:[email protected]

Dear Beloved,

Good day to you and your family. I am writing you this message as
of my late client who left the sum of US$14.5million with a bank here
London,while going through some of is documents left behind I saw your
and information which stated that you are a relative to my late client.

As a lawyer and a personal attorney to the deceased,I am now asked to
the Next-Of-Kin of my late client by the Bank here in London,wheere
money and documents of his properties are kept. As a result of this I
now contacting you to come and claim what belongs to my late client,
I believe his your relative as stated in the document he left in my
and bear surname.

However, as the personal attorney and close confidant of my late
I know that he did not leave any WILL (because of his sudden death)
means that this money will therefore be paid into the account of
I present as the Next-of-kin with proofs.Therefore I am seeking for
consent and assistance to present you as the true beneficiary and next
kin to my late client.

Your nationality and area of specialization does not matter, as all
have been concluded to present you as the next of kin and consequently,
the beneficiary of the fund. This transaction is 100% risk free and is
take about 14 working days to conclude as soon as you indicate your

N.B:As you know INHERITANCE is not a crime all over the world, but may
a crime only when you did not follow the Rules of the International Law
of Inheritance. In this transaction we shall follow strictly all the
of the International Law of Inheritance and obtain all the necessary
documents from the appropriate authorities to prove that the
is genuine.

All that is required of you is to act as a relative /next of kin and
provide a safe bank account for the payment of the money to you. As
as payment is effected and the amount mentioned above is successfully
into your account,i will meet with you in your country for the sharing
the funds, and i have decided that 50% will be retained by you as your
50% will be for me as the initiator of the deal and i intend to use my
share in acquiring some estates abroad .

If you are ready to give me your full cooperation and receive this
into your custody, then confirm your interest by contacting me through
email account provided above, And I will furnish you with an adequate
of how we shall achieve success in this project.

I await your soonest reply,

Best regards.

Barr. David Johnson.

A standard opening gambit, except that he claims to be residing in London. We'll soon find out - enter the Vicar at London's shittiest church...

Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2005 16:26:28 +0000 (GMT)
From: "John Goat" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: FROM LONDON
To: [email protected], [email protected]

Dear Mr. Johnson,

How amazing! Your email has really made my day. What
is the name of the client you spoke of?

This sounds too good to be true. I too am based in
London. I am a priest at a small chuch in the
Hammersmith area, practicing a new, honest, Christian
religion called Excretionism. You can read more about
it at the website:

Our parich is small, and our church is in dire need of
repairs, both to the buliding itself and its many
sacred lavatories. What a joyous thing this Internet
is! I can feel the hand of the Lord at work here, Mr.
Johnson, and I can tell from the smell of it that He
has wiped thoroughly. Are you a religious man, by any

Please let me know what I should do next. I am
extremely eagar to pursue this inheritance.

Blessings in Christ and His sacred bowels,

Rev. John Goat
The First Church of Excretionism, London

The website is pretty quick and dirty, but it gets the general idea across. His reply follows swiftly...

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: FROM LONDON
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:31:21 -0800

Barrister David Johnson
Chambers Of David Johnson
20 Essex Street, London, WC2R 3AL
E-mail:[email protected]

Attention: Rev. John Goat

Sequel to your mail which i received yesterday, I believe that i have met the right and trusted person that will claim this funds of late Mr.Ricahrd Craft, and this pleases me so much.Most delighting, i am happy that you are a christian and am also one, that implies that we should be both God fearing to actualise success in this deal

Sir, I contacted you in respect of my late client's, Mr.Richard Craft,funds,who was my client for some years before he died with his family .As they were unfortunately involved in the ghastly rail disaster that took place on the 6th October 1999, at London's Paddington station.
As regards this transaction of claim of inheritance of late Richard Craft, i have been notified by the paying bank here in London,that i have found his relative who happens to be you, as i have strong confidence that you can handle this transaction of mutual benefits.

However,as a matter of urgency,i want you to know that i will have to perfect all legal and claim documents in your name as regards the Funds of my late client( sum of $14.5m ) presently in the coffers of the First Trust Bank Plc London,(UK),so that your release file can be apprehended upon for effective payment to you as the true beneficiary of the funds.

Thus,i require that you furnish me with the below informations that will enable me procure all legal and claim documents to you;

1).Your full names,
2).Your residentail address,
3). Your private Phone and fax numbers
4).A scanned copy of your International Passport/Driver license.

Fisrtly, i will send you an an Application Claim Form, which you will fill and sign and then forward to the Paying bank by your humbleself.This will notify the bank, that you are ready to claim your late cousin's funds upon his death.Secondly, I will have to go to the High Court here in London, to Swear an Affidavit of Claim in your name and favour, and also obtain a Probate Certificate from the Probate Registry here in London, which will certify you as the true next-of-kin of late Richard Bhodia.

As soon as i am able to make available all necessary documents, I will forward the documents to you for keeps and perusal, which you will also send to the bank for onward acknowlegdement.

Well, you should bear in mind that you have been contacted by me, based on trust and confidence and i want you to throw your full weight behind this transaction financially and otherwise.From the inception of this deal, i made it known to you that,you will have our own share of the funds after we aid success, thus,i have decided to give you 50% , while i also take 50% of the whole funds of US$14.5M.Note that,i will come over to your country for the sharing of the funds when it has been finally remitted into your account.

As soon as i recieve the aforementioned details from you,i will commence with the documentation and paperworks.

Thanks and best regards,as i await your compliance.

Barrister David Johnson

Time to go in for the kill...

Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 15:07:52 +0000 (GMT)
From: "John Goat" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: FROM LONDON
To: "david johnson" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Thank you for your prompt reply. Apologies for my own
delay in responding, but there has been a nasty virus
going around the church over the last few days, and I
was struck down quite badly. Thankfully, I seem to be
recovering now. I will have to ask Maria to be a
little more thorough in her scrubbing duties from now

Mr. Johnson, I must be honest with you. I do not
control financial matters regarding my church. That
honour falls to the church's head of finances, Mr.
Joseph Nads. Being a man of faith himself, Mr. Nads
insists that no financial transactions take place with
anybody outside of our faith. If you were to join our
church, I would be happy to continue doing business
with you.

Please accept my apologies, and believe me when I say
that if I were able to continue dealing with you now,
I would, but unfortunately I do not make these
decisions. However, if you are willing to join our
church, I would be delighted to go ahead with the


Fortunately, joining our church could not be easier. I
have attached our official membership application
form. Simply print out a copy, fill it in, then scan
it and send it back to me. Usually I would insist that
you send us a hard copy in the post, but in your case
I will make an exception, since I am eagar to pursue
this transaction with you as soon as possible.

Thank you for your generosity. 50% is a most
acceptable amount. I have laid aside the sum of
15,000 GBP (roughly $28,000 USD). Will this be
sufficient to cover your initial expenses? I have had
to make some sacrifices to secure this money, so I
hope you decide to join our church, so that I can
continue this transaction with you.

Please reply as soon as possible with the completed
form so that we may continue our mutual transaction.

Yours in Christ,

Rev. John Goat,
The First Church of Excretionism, London

The application form:

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: FROM LONDON
Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2005 01:19:23 -0800

Dear John,

It might interest you to know that i am a member of a church here in London alreadily and can not afford to join your church.Should you still want to work with me in this transaction, then you should let know.



Seems he has his doubts. Before I can reply, however, he changes his mind! Maybe the 15,000 encouraged him a bit...

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Membership.
Date: Sat, 26 Feb 2005 03:39:20 -0800

Dear Reverend,

I gave the whole thing a second thought and I decided to be a member of your church if this is the only way we could have the transaction concluded.

My Full names are : Barrister David Johnson.
Date of Birth: 26 th July 1955.
Residential Address: 12 southesk road
London e7 0ab,U.K.

You can assist me in filling this form and submitting it.

Barrister David Johnson.

D'oh! He gives me the information, but sends it in an email rather than filling in the form. Time for a mild slap, methinks! I invite him over to discuss the matter in person...

Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2005 20:52:45 +0000 (GMT)
From: "John Goat" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Membership.
To: "david johnson" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Thank you for your kind email. I am glad you
reconsidered and decided to join our church.
Unfortunately, I must have the form I send out filled
in *by hand*. I hate to put you through this, but I do
not make the rules. I am accountable to the
accountants, who are accountable to the Head Excretor,
who is accountable only to his wife and God. Apologies
for this annoyance, but church policy forbids me from
entering into any kind of transaction wihout a signed
agreement form.

Here's an idea - why not just come over to our church
and fill it in by hand? It shouldn't take you more
than an hour or so to get here from your address. You
can even sample one of our ceremonial lavatories if
you wish! Our parish is located at:

The First Holy Church of Excretionism
226 Shepherds Bush Road
W6 7NX

I would be delighted to meet you in person. We could
go over business and discuss our mutual faith.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Yours in God's seat,

Rev. John Goat
The Holy Church of Excretionism

Let's see what he makes of my offer to meet in person. (Incidentally, the address I gave is actually the address of Hammersmith Police Station). Very Happy

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Reverend.Do act fast.
Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2005 00:12:30 -0800

Dear Reverend,

Right now I am in Nigeria regarding this transaction.Is there any way I can fill this form and send it in my absense.

There is problem with the documents I am trying to prepare from the High Court in Nigeria and I am running very short of finance.I know you could be of assistance here,Kindly send me about 370 pounds through western union to Nigeria today.As soon as I procure this necessary documents I would come over to London immediately and move ahead to meet you in your church,then I would be fully prepared to talk about this noble project of ours and also discuss about our FAITH.

I would really apprecaiet it if you send this money today,have the legal papers done and arrive London by Thursday.

Send this money with this name to Nigeria


This person you are sending this money to is the Court clerk and he would send a receipt to you.

I would be expecting your fast response as soon as possible.

Yours in God's seat,

Barrister David.

So he's not based in London after all? What a surprise! I love the way he tries to copy me at the end, "Yours in God's seat".
Time to act dumb. I decide to drop the form and head straight for a trophy.

Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2005 15:45:03 +0000 (GMT)
From: "John Goat" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Reverend.Do act fast.
To: "david johnson" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Unfortunately I cannot send any money until you are
confirmed as a member of our church. However, I can
see you are in a dilemma, so I have convinced the
Board to be a little more lenient with your membership
requirements than is usual. Instead of filling in the
form, we now only require a photographic proof of
initiation. This has taken _considerable effort_ on my
part. You don't know how many strings I had to pull to
convince the Board to allow this, nor do you want to
know what happened when I pulled them. Please do not
betray my kind efforts, brother. We would not make
this kind of concession for just anyone.

We will require a photograph of you, sitting on a
toilet, holding up a large sign reading "I LOVE GOAT".
A copy of the Holy Bible should also be included in
the shot. The photograph must be LARGE and CLEAR.
Small or poor-quality photographs will not be

Do not be alarmed by this request. It is a standard
induction photograph for all our new members. It
serves to confirm both the identity of the new "loo
disciple" and their devotion to our faith.

After I recieve the photograph I will be able to send
you any money you require to continue our transaction.
As I already mentioned, the Church Board has approved
a budget of up to 15,000 to cover your personal fees
and expenses for this exchange. Will this be

It seems that our financial directors are just as
eagar to pursue this matter to its conclusion as you
are. I await your photograph with clenched cheeks.

Take care, my friend.

Rev. John Goat,
The Holy Church of Excretionism, London

PS: Western Union? Where is that? I thought you were
in Nigeria?

I wonder what he'll say to that...

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: do understand me please.
Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 02:28:16 -0800

Dear Reverend,

There is no way I can have the time to do that now.Right now I am in a fix in Nigeria and I need some little assistance to take care of some little arrangements regarding this our transaction.

When I arrive London,I would follow all protocols regarding this membership,but for now I am seeking for your financial assistance to enable me take care of some things down here in Nigeria.

Kindly send this money through western union money transfer to Nigeria with this name:


I would be expecting your fast response and the payment information.

Barrister David Johnson.

P.S. Western Union Money Transfer is the fastest way to send and receive money worldwide.Go to any western union outlet to send this money to Nigeria with the information I send above.

He seems to be getting desperate. Just what I like! Time for a mild slap:

Date: Tue, 1 Mar 2005 15:49:02 +0000 (GMT)
From: "John Goat" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: do understand me please.
To: "david johnson" <[email protected]>

Dear Mr. Johnson,

I am disappointed in you. Please do not betray me like
this. I realise you are in a difficult situation, but
there is no way the Church governors will permit me to
release Church funds to a non-member. This is an
unfortunate fact which is out of my control. I have
done all I can in persuading them to accept a
photographic proof of initiation. There is nothing
more I can do without losing my job. I do not wish to
be defrocked, especially in public.

Please understand that I am as desperate to go ahead
as you are, sir, but I do not call the shits around
here. I am accountable to the Board of Governors (BoG)
in financial matters. Please, send the photograph as I
requested and we can get on with the transaction.
The 15,000 has already been approved by the Board and
withdrawn from the Church vault, and the Governors are
anxiously awaiting your photograph. I fear that if you
do not respond and confirm your membership soon, they
may get cold feet and decide to pull out of the
transaction. Again, this is a matter out of my

Please, send me the initiation photograph ASAP, before
it is too late. In case you missed it last time, here
are the requirements for the photograph again:

We will require a photograph of you, sitting on a
toilet, holding up a large sign reading "I LOVE GOAT".
A copy of the Holy Bible should also be included in
the shot. The photograph must be LARGE and CLEAR.
Small, fake, or poor-quality photographs will not be
accepted by the Board.

Once we have recieved and authorised your photograph,
the Board will release control of the funds to me and
we can go ahead with the transaction. I will then be
able to send you whatever amount you require, up to
15,000, to cover your expenses incurred during this
deal. I am eagar to get my hands on my share of the
inheritance as soon as possible, so do not delay.

Again, I urge you to proceed as fast as you can in
getting the photograph to us. I would not like the
Board to pull the rug from under my feet at the last

Blessings in the bowl of God,

Rev. John Goat
The Holy Church of Excretionism, London

This is the latest mail I've got from him:

From: "david johnson" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Trust is the key in this transaction.
Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2005 09:10:54 -0800

Dear Reverend John Goat
I told you that am not right now am not in UK am in nigeria for the proccesing of your documnets in nigeria and i need just UK 320 POUNDS am not too really on cash i will pay you back when i get back from nigeria and do what ever your church have asked for even sit on the toilet shouting goat goat i await your help and response send the money through the information i gave to you earlier i await your response to my email

Best Regards

Barr David Johnson.

Stay Bless.Reverend


Hmm, so. Any suggestions as to the best way to proceed? I can't wait to get a toilet trophy aout of this mugu Very Happy

I'm really getting addicted to this scambaiting business. I just can't believe anyone could be so stupid not to notice something wrong with all the references to toilets and shit in my emails. The last mail from him cracked me up...

Let me know what you think so far, anyway.

Master Baiter

Joined: 10 May 2004
Posts: 169
Location: California

PostPosted: Sat Mar 05, 2005 1:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ask him to explain why he can't take the photo in Nigeria, then tell him what is wrong with his explaination and tell him again to go ahead and take the photo.

That's might not to get you the photo, but its will be funny anyway.

It looks like you've done a pretty good job setting it up and explaining why you need the photo, so if he's still refusing to take the photo after a few more emails where you keep reminding him of all the money he had to gain from it, then it might be time to threaten to drop him alltogether.

I know this sounds risky... and it is, but the threat of losing a big payout can do wonders for a mugu's willingness to cooperate. You can make it simple, just something like
"I am sorry that you are refusing to let me help you, I have told you that I cannot send the money without the photo, so there is nothing more I can do for you."

Something to make him feel stupid for losing such an opportunity.
He'll come crawling back with a much better attitude.

But like I said, go a few more emails with him and see if you can't make any progress by using your powers of persuasion (ie. Money and more money). Save the threat of dropping him for a more radical mugu attitude adjustment.

Keep in mind that a lot of mugu's have been baited before and if he's been badly burned then getting a trophy pic out of him isn't going to come easy at all.

Good Luck, love it so far!

Mortar x3
"Nobody wants to fight no southpaw. You know what I mean?"
- Sylvester Stalone, Rocky

"Never communicate me again you bad eggs!!" - Alex Williams

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