Dear Penthouse Letters... (2/25 Update!)

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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 9:58 pm

...I'm a 25 year old Nigerian 419 scammer living in Lagos. I never thought anything like this would happen to me until one day...

Ok, so I want to be a woman. Who can blame me? They get all the great marriage proposals, the dirty talk and the stark raving naked lads. Let's see if I can get in touch with my feminine side...

Quote:

Dr. Jacob Kalamba.
The Zambia Home Office.
The Hague.
The Netherlands.
I am interested in your partnership in business dealing. This
business
proposal I wish to intimate you with is of mutual benefit and it's
success
is entirely based on mutual trust, cooperation and a high level of
confidentiality as regard this transaction.
I am representing the board of the contract award and monitoring
committee
of the Zambian Ministry of Mining and Resources. I am seeking your
assistance to enable me transfer the sum of US$15,500,000.00 (Fifteen
Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) into your
private/company account.
The fund came about as a result of a contract awarded and executed
for
and
on behalf of my Ministry. The contract was supposed to be awarded to
two
foreign contractors to the tune of US$100,000,000.00 (One
hundred Million United States Dollars). But in the course of
negotiation,
the contract was awarded to a Bulgarian contractor at the cost of
US$115,500,000.00 (One hundred and Forty-nine Million, Five Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars) to my benefit unknown to the
contractor.
This contract has been satisfactorily executed and inspected as the
Bulgarian firm is presently securing payment from my Ministry,
where our Board is in-charge of all foreign contract payment approval.
As a civil servant still in active government service, I am forbidden
by law
to operate an account outside the shores of Zambia. Hence this
message
to
you seeking your assistance so as to enable me present
your private/company account details as a beneficiary of contractual
claims
alongside that of the Bulgarian contractor, to enable me transfer the
difference of US$15,500,000.00 (Fifteen Million, Five Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars) into your provided account.
On actualization, the fund will be disbursed as stated below.
20% for you and 80% for us.
What we request from you are :
1,Your names, Company name if any- otherwise we will use your name to
register the company.
2, Your address, Tel, fax and cell phone numbers.
�. The name of your Bank, Bank adress, Bank tel and Fax numbers,
Swiftt
or
routing code,Your Account numbers and The account holder/beneficiary
names.
All logistics are in place and all modalities worked out for a smooth
actualization of the transaction within the next few working days of
commencement. For further details as to the workability of this
transaction, please reach me as soon as possible for further
clarification.
Thank you while I await your urgent response.
Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Jacob Kalamba.

Blah, blah, blah. Does anybody actually read all this crap?

Quote:

Dear Friend:

Thank you for your recent letter. Although I am quite intruiged by your offer, I must insist take you send me proof of yourself and trustworthyness before I can begin to assist you. There are many scam artists in the world, and I no not wish to be taken in by one of them.

Please take a photo of yourself, holding a sign reading "Jingle Jangle Joystick". That is the traditional holiday greeting here in the southeastern United States. As proof of my sincerity, I have attached a photo of myself.

Thank you,
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Molly Ringwald,

Thanks for your mail and your willingness to as me in this transaction.

Madam, all I require of you to enable the transfer to be effected are Viz: Your Bank Tel and Bank fax numbers, The Bank Addres , Bank swift or sorting Code,Your Full names and address, your Private Tel and Fax numbers.Once all these informations are received; then we will immediately go about the transfer process.

Like , I have told you in my earlier mail,This contract was actually executed by a Bulgeria firm ( Bovan Constructions & Dev.LLC) and I will furnish you with some of the documents when I the above informations that will enable me to proceed.

Madam, find in the attachment the scanned photograph of myself.

Hoping to hear from you soonest.

Warmest regards!
Dr. Jacob Kalamba.

Quote:

Dr. Kambala:

Well, you did send me a picture. But you didn't follow the directions that I specified. I'm not trying to insult you by any means, but a single woman like myself is usually targeted for scams. By sending me the photo of yourself holding the sign like I asked, I will know for sure that you are exactly who you say you are and not some 14 year old trying to take advantage of me. By the way, I hope that is a picture of you that you sent... you're kinda cute Smile

Are you single?

Love,
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Molly R.,

How are you today?Hope you are fine.
The photograph I sent to you is my recent photo and is the best I can send to you please and be further informed that this is no scam .

I was once married but lost my wife 2 year again in a ghastly motor accident. Right now I am trying to put myself together again.

regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

Jacob dear,

I am so sorry to hear about your wife! That is terrible to lose somebody you love like that. I know we should stick to just business, but honey, if you need anything at all, you just let me know.

Love,
Molly

Quote:

Dear Molly Ringwald,

How are you doing and how are you enjoying your weekend?Could you tell me more about yourself too..............your age,,,,,your likes........

Anyway,Thanks for your concern but I must tell you that am gradually getting over it though not too easy .However such is life because it is God that give andthe same God that takes.

Molly, Let me have those basics to enable me put the transfer on course asap....Viz: Your Bank Tel and Bank Fax numbers, The Bank Address , Bank Swift or Sorting Code,Your Full Names and address, your Private Tel and Fax numbers.

Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.

Warmest Regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

My sweet Jacob:

Thank you for your concern about me. I am 34 years old, married once with no children. My astrological sign is Herpes and I like long romantic bubble baths. I have a weakness for white wine and black men. I live in Florida and have an all over tan; I love lying in the sun. Tell me about yourself, dear.

Love,
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Hi Molly,

How are you today?hope you are cool.I am fine and cool but only work pressure.

Molly,Thanks for your mail and the contents,though you did not tell me what happened to your relationship.Tell me what actually happened.You ditched him or something?Need to know...ok.

However,I love travelling alot and clubbing .

Molly, Are you ready to assist me in carrying out this transaction?this should the upermost in our minds now and thereafter when we are through and the funds secured in your account then we can think of some other things.Need to hear from you along this direction please.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

Regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

Jacob:

About my ex. We were married for 2 years; I knew going in that he was bisexual, and I admit that I thought that was really exciting. The problem was that during the threesomes, he would always show so much more interest in the other guy than me. Then, things really went south when he started spending more time with the interior decorator, Kyle, than me. Steve (my ex) had a tearful confession that he really was gay and he married me so that his parents would approve. Well, I wasnt about to stand for that, and we parted ways very soon after. I can't bring myself to hate him, he was just a really messed up guy. He's a lot happier now with Kyle anyway. As for myself, there isn't anybody special right now.

I am totally ready to help you with your transaction. Just let me know when.

Molly

Quote:

Hi Molly,

Thanks for you comprehensive mail.Anyway such is life...Full of ups and downs but the ability to pull yourself together to carry on matters.Very sorry that you have to go through all those shits cos' of a homo...Sometimes, I just wonder what they enjoy doing those stuffs......

Molly, We need to move now to accomplish this thing on time and it is better now..ok...So let me have the needed informations to enable us to proceed.

Regards!
Jacob K.

...and the needle on the mugu-o-meter slowly begins to go from ON-TOPIC to OFF-TOPIC

Quote:

Jacob:

Sorry to forget about my details. Here's my address:

Molly Ringwald
69 Fellatio Way, Apartment 1A
Chingatumadre, Florida 21419
Phone: 206-495-6510

As for Steve, the fact that he swung both ways was really exciting. Even in college, I went to a few all-girl sex parties so I can't say that I totally blame him. Oh well, like you said, ups and downs but the ability to carry on is what counts. Do you have any (non-official) pictures of yourself? I'd love to see more of you.

Molly

Quote:

Dear Molly,

How are you today?Got you last mail but I do not have any unofficial photo of myself;but if you have any of yours please send it across to me.It might interest me.

Thanks for ytou adds and tel but I tried to speak to you directly but the phone was on answering mode of a guy I preseumed steve.However, Let me have your banking informations Viz: Bank name,address,Tel,fax numbers,swift etc etc so that we can proceed. Here time is of critical essence.

regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

Jacob:

Hey baby! Just got back in from Ft. Lauderdale last night! It was the vacation that I have needed for so long. I thought I'd send you one of the pics that I took when I was feeling a little drunk while I was down there. Smile

For my bank, it is a no-load Roth IRA at Fudge Packer's Credit Union, 914 Hershey Highway, Houston Texas 77069. My account number is 8945147324.

I hope that helps, babe! Send me some pictures of you real soon! Wink

Molly

Quote:

Hi Molly,

Thanks for your mail and photo.

Hope you did enjoyed your hols? I am very busy with my office work for now.

You did not provide the complete Bank info.Please furnish me with the Bank Swift or sorting code, Bank Tel and Fax numbers asap to proceed. And let me have some of your unofficial photos of yourself...
Hoping to hear from you soon.

Warmest regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

Jacob baby...

What is a "swift code"? I've never heard of anything like that. The phone number for the bank is 801-250-9806 and the fax is 801-925-8711.

Remember, Jacob, all work and no play makes Jacob a dull boy! Why don't you send me a few of your 'unoffical' pics, hon?

Kisses,
Molly

Go to your CD player right now and cue up Bad Company - Feel Like Makin Love!

Quote:

Hi Molly,

Thanks a million for your mail and the Bank tel and Fax numbers provided.

The Swift or the sorting code figure that a bank assign to itself.Ask from your Bank and they will give it to you.It is like a code in alphabets and sometimes goes with numbers.

Molly, I have told you that I do not have unofficial photos of myself and that if you have that you should plesae send it across to me...okay then I can try to make out one of myself for you.I think I am begining to like you as a person especially the photo of you hols .. is a pointer....I see you as a beautiful bird there.....and I am thinking of how soonest I will visit you in the US.....Meanwhile, check out the swift or sorting code of your bank and let me have it asap.

I almost forgot.....I tried to call you on the number provided and it went into voice mail......The Voice... a guys voice...Who is the guy? Iam jealous to some extent you know.....A you a jealous one tooo.....Need to know? Need your response in this direction too.......OK. Take utmost care of yourself.....Ok.

Hoping to get the swift code, your unofficial pics asap.

Warmest regards!
Jacob K.

Quote:

Jacob:

Sorry about the sorting code mix-up! The code I think you want is 325445652DFC; I sure hope that helps.

Jacob, I am blushing down to my toes with the complements. Don't worry about the voice on the answering machine. That is just a friend of mine; since I am single and live alone, I'm a little paranoid so I had him do the voice. I'm thinking of getting a dog, too. Maybe a Greenland Shepard/Shar-pei mix or a Mississippi Leg Hound since I hear they are really good watchdogs. So don't be jealous, babe! I can't wait to get you to the USA... we could have a lot of fun Wink

Gotta run!
Molly

For more information on the Mississippi Leg Hound, please watch the classic movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Quote:

Hi Molly Love,

Thanks a million for the full Bank info provided.

Dear, Coming over to the US soonest will very much gladden my Heart but as you know I want us to fix this deal first. I can't wait either to meet you too.But first let us fix this deal first...ok.

Molly, Guess what! Your last photo has been enlaged and I view it regularly to appreciate what a beauty you are.Has anybody ever told you how beautiful you are?

Molly,You have not sent some of your unofficial photos of yourself to me.....I will like to see them.Then I can fashion out my for you too....Or What do you think?.

Molly Love, Find in the attachment some of the relevant documents to the transaction.They are and should be very confidential please. Meanwhile, let me get down to business now that the informations are complete.

Hoping to hear from you soon sweet heart.I tried to call you now but the phone again was on voice.Let me know when I can speak with you...... The time range ok...

Lots of love cum regards!

Jacob K..

I'll spare you the documents, they are nothing remarkable. but "Lots of love cum regards"!?!? How about just "Lots of cum", my sexually frustrated little mugu?

Quote:

Jacob:

I just got back from a wild, very extended weekend in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. It was so much damn fun, and I got more than my share of beads!

First of all, how in the hell can you possibly say that you haven't gotten any unoffical photos from me? What did you think the "being cheeky" photo was? Jesus, I don't fucking pose like that at the DMV! Razz

I did get all the doucments that you sent. You do realize that the first one is dated from 1999, don't you? Is that going to look totally fake to the authorities? I hope not!

See you later,
Molly

Quote:

Hi Molly Love,

Sorry that I am writing a little late.I have been out of my station on an official trip to Austria-Isbruch. I just cameback to base some Half an hour ago and I just felt like opening my system and I got your mail. I jealous you you know...Your went on a pleasure trip and I am just back on an official trip.....What a world?

How was your trip to New Orleans? Hope cool and sweet.

As you requested, I will make time to send you my unofficial photo as you put it cos' I was initially asigning a different meaning to your unofficial till I got your definition of it.

Concerning the documents, they are real scanned copies of the original documents revolving around the Bovan Cons. &Dev LLC contract and we cannot run into any problem with them as long as we keep them top secret until we are through with the deal. Like i told you before I have started work already on it and as soon as we are through I'll intend to throw in the towel----resign and move over.....How will you like that babe.

Hoping to hear from you soon.Let me tsop to take some coffee as I am feeling cold in my fucking brain now and take some rest later on..

Lots of Love,

Jacob K.

Quote:

Hey baby:

Jacob, I am so glad that I got your email! I hope everything was fine is Austria. Did you get to ski at all? Now I'm the one who's jealous becuase I bet you had a ton of gorgeous ski girls hanging off you, baby!

Jacob, I had the wildest dream last night. You were in it Wink

It was so passionate and hot that I woke up feeling sweaty this morning. Oh Jacob, I am just aching for you to come over to the USA! I sure hope this deal gets done fast, cause baby, you light my fire!

I even included some of my more risque shots that a girlfriend of mine took... hope you like, lover!

Molly

I'm posting this at work. So, you'll just have to wait for the PG-13 photos, my job is a lot more important than pictures of this little honey. Besides, here come the Yahoo Smileys!!!

Quote:

Hi Honey Molly,

How are you today? Hope you are pretty cool?It is like we may be having certain thaughts in common....Guess what babeee? It was like you were by my side last night....Maybe cos' I was having your last photo which I told you that I have enlarged and kept by my bed side....I look at it most times be4 sleeping.It might look funny to you but it is the gospel fact.
You see, you have almost the same height and long hairs my that of my late...the only physical difference is that she was a dark complexion queen.

Contrary to your thaught.....that maybe I had some good time with some hot good looking babes in Austria......you were damn wrong in your caculating thinking cos' most of these Dutch babes are too masculine than the femmine gender they were suppose to be.... though there are few of them that are good looking too.......like you. I anly saw these few ones and did not go near them not to talk of chatting any as I was strickly on official trip.I think you are a better queen relative to those bratts I saw on the ski arena in Austria....Ok....so do feel that you lost a thing....Is that clear Honey? Dis I hear you say yes? Please say it louder...........Ok...I heard you.That is enough.....

Sweet Heart thanks for your sweet photos sent.....I am surely going to add these 2 to the other checky one I told you I have enlarged; Molly, I want this transacxtion to come to a swift end so that I can move over to the US.

Can I stop now Sweet heart.Hoping to hear from you soonest.I will try to call now to see if I can get you on the line as your phone is almost on permanent answering mode.

Lots of love and sweet dreams Honey-Molly.
Jacob.

Crap! The smileys didn't copy over. Well, trust me. There were a LOT of them. This next one was replete with smileys, especially roses.

Quote:

Hi Molly Love,

How are you today? Hope you are doing prettty fine.

Thanks a million for the photos....I am almost going bananas with them...You look too sexy in those shots you know....If I may ask babe....You you good in bed as you look in those photos?.....I am a master's degree holder in bed you know......An Honournary given to me by my late......

However, I can put you through if you are only a first degree holder in it...or what do you think.. Molly, How close is that your friend who took those shots? I am beginning to be jealous you know....Hope you are not one of those babes that do those funny things calling themselves.....lesb...........? Need to know the truth pls.

I tried severally to speak with you on the phone without success....Always on answering mode........

Now, Molly, Tell me why you are not always around.....Is it work pressure and something.....tell me? And whatr is your occupation pls....?

Concerning the Transactions , things are moving properly and I will be giving you feedback from time to time. Ok.

Hoping to read from you again when you are back.
Lots of Love from,
Jacob. For the 7 days of the week.

Quote:

Jacob:

Ooooh, you're a naughty little thing, aren't you? I think you need to get spanked . You ask how good I am? Baby, lets just say you are going to be very, very tired when I get done with you. Mmmmm... can't wait to get my hands (and lips) on you.

One thing is breaking my heart, lover. I don't have any good pictures of you! I have sent you a bunch, but I haven't really gotten anything from you! Its driving me crazy, babe!

As far as who took the pictures? It was a good female friend of mine who is a professional photogrpaher... but don't worry. I originally had those pictures taken for my now ex-husband to try and turn him on. Unfortunately, he just wanted to watch Will & Grace instead of me. I'm not a lesbian, but I can be if you like it....

Yeah, work is getting to be a real bitch. I'm pulling 70 and 80 hour weeks at the office, so I can't wait to get my hands on some money so that I can be a woman of leisure (with my swarthy African lover to pleasure me at a moment's notice) and not worry about the office.

Send me some pictures soon!
Love,
Molly XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He is going to have a rough time with those pictures I have a feeling. Twisted Evil

[_LoudGuitar]WELL, I FEEL LIKE MAKIN' LOVE TOOOOOOOO YOUUUUU!!! DUN-A DUH! DUN-A DUH!

Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 11:17 pm

Larry I love your teeth Twisted Evil

Nice and big Very Happy

Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 11:54 pm

Good golly Miss Molly Very Happy

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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:44 pm

I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat. I thought he twigged and was gone with the wind. Happily, I finally heard from his sexiness this morning!

Quote:

Jacob:

Hey darling! I haven't heard from you in a couple of days and I am getting worried! Is everything ok, baby?

Love,

Molly

The next day...

Quote:

Dear Jacob:

Where are you, sexy? It has been too long since I got one of your steamy e-mails! Please, I'm getting lonely here!

Your lover,

Molly

Damn!!! I thought all hope was lost, the second Death Star had its grand opening party, the Nazgul had a McHobbit sandwich and got the ring back to Sauron all safe and sound, and that Agent Smith finally splattered Neo's cerebral cortex all over the sidewalk. Fortunately, none of these things came to pass! Very Happy

Quote:

Hi Molly Love,

I am okay, nothing to worry about and has been out on official assignment hence I could not get to you all these while.I just stopped at Heatrow Airport on transit now hence I could accesss and send you this brief mail now.I've been too busy you know...give you details later..... I'll be connecting my flight in the next 20 minutes honey.....I write you later when I get to my final destinations okay....Love you and stay cool.....Give me time when I can speak with you on the phone please.....
lots of Love Babee...
Jacob.

Is he going to hit the ejector seat after weeks without a phone conversation? I hope not, because my voice is about as sultry and feminine as John Madden's.

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:25 pm

Quote:

my voice is about as sultry and feminine as John Madden's.

If he loves you he'll accept you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE Twisted Evil

Who knows, maybe that will turn him on Razz

[/quote]
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