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 'Deteriorating' in Germany

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hey everyone

My friend showed me this site, and by pure coincidence this morning i'd received a request from a man from Sierra Leone for help in completing a transaction. Here is his email, and my beautifully crafted reply of nonsense.......

Hello Dear,
I know this letter may come to you as surprise but due to a good recommendation from a good friend of mine that works with ministry of chamber of commerce, mining and agriculture here in Germany on my research of a reliable and trusted partner overseas who will assist me for investment in his country, although I did not disclose why I was looking for your contact as to maintain secret. I am the first son of late CJ SANKOH who was the former chairman/CEO Sierra Leone Diamond, Gold and Mining co-operation during the Allah tijan kabba's regime. And he was killed by the military juntas led by major John Paul Koroma the rebel leader, during the war in Sierra Leone. During his stayed in the government, he was able to secured $30 million U.S Dollars (cash) which he placed in a metal trunk box and kept it in his underground vaults in our villa.

Before his death he called me and handed everything to me, that I should make good use of this money for investment in abroad. And by then my mother has died as a result of heart attack when she was carrying a 6 months pregnancy. After my fathers death I and my younger brother managed to pushed this consignment i.e the money diplomatically down to Germany where we seek your assistance/help. Now this money are on exile here in Germany since after the coup, we are uffering here in Germany. We are Subjected to serve any condition, please sir help us in the name of God almighty the most merciful and most gracious. I am contacting you for this neat transaction because of your professional and your business background put you in a good position to keep my confident intact with you.

All I want from you is to assist me in putting clain over this vault, come down to Germany to carry the money cash because it was deposited in a ecurity company as jewellries/golds. I have agreed to give you 30% of the total money as gratification for assisting me in this transaction, 10% has been mapped out for incidental/miscellaneous expenses that will be incurred during the transfer while the balance will be for I and my brother. I anticipate your swift reply as the life of I and my brother is fast detoriating. Hopping to hear from you soonest. Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.

reply to this email address upon received.([email protected]).

Best Regards
For the family

And here is my reply.......

Dear Mister Suspicious Foreign Person Who I Don't Know,

Goodness me, what a creative grasp of English you have! I see you have picked me on the grounds of my business background. I have been stacking shelves and putting items through a till for the last 4 years, which as you can see, really does make me the ruthless hardnosed business woman that I am!

I am forbidden from ever visiting Germany (or at least that’s what Mrs Rangecroft told me), because apparently I was very rude to one of her German exchange pupils when I was in year 9. I said to him "Die Poste ist die erste streiBe recht, auf der linken seite", and then he got lost and they had to call the police to go and find him. Here are some German phrases which you might find useful.

Mein kopf tut weh
Ich habe ein kopfschmerzen
Kann ich habe ein pflaster?
Ich bin ein pferd
Ich habe ein schinken zug

I am told that in times of mortal peril, these could save your life. Have you ever eaten Gummibaerschen? Mrs Rangecroft told us that's what she ate when she nearly got killed when her uncle dug a tunnel under the Berlin Wall so that they could escape. Perhaps Gummibaerschen will save your brother.

You say you are suffering in Germany? Are you Jewish by any chance? Mr Dunmore told us lots of nasty stories about Hitler and how he killed lots of Jews. Have any Germans tried to take you to Bergen Belsen or Auschwitz? There are some very kind people who work there, and will give you a job in one of their factories, so that you can make an honest living and perhaps earn enough money for your sick brother.

But if he goes with you, they might decide he is not fit to work and will put him in the gas chambers for a bit, and then burn him in a furnace. But not to worry, this is how everyone stays toasty warm in Germany. You too could be toasty warm, and swimming in a heated freibad! And eating lots and lots of nutritious gummibaerschen!

It is splungetastic. Mr Walter Plinge told me that. Do you know him? He knows everyone in Germany. He has lots of socks. I bought him some socks once. This is how to satisfy Mr Walter Plinge. If you don't keep up with your sock payments, he will come and castrate you with a dessertspoon and some curiously shaped magnets tied together with egg whites.

I like money. I would like to have lots of money. Especially yours. Bring all of it to England and I will look after it for you, and fritter it away on alcohol and clothes. If you do not bring it to me, then you are selfish and lazy, and do not deserve to have any of it. There are starving hungry homeless people out in Africa and Asia who are far worse off that you. If you do not give it to me, then you should donate all your bling to the homeless armless legless goatless boys in Baasvlatigalooshen, so that they can look stylish. Unless you have any magenta pink items, in which case, I want them.

Have you considered selling your brother for medical experiments? That would probably make you something in the region of £18.79 in the UK. A whopping 15 pence more than in Germany! However the best place to sell people for medical experiments is in America. Mr George Bush is one in progress. He is being controlled by big white mice in a space ship. If you come to England, I will have to introduce you to Slartibartfast and Zaphod Beeblebrox. They are very famous people. They have lots of money.

Yours Sincerely

Ben The Incredible Sock
Larry Flynt
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Joined: 03 Jan 2005
Posts: 521
Location: microwaving all the Peeps in your Easter basket

PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:01 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I don't speak a word of German, but I think I might be able to guess what "Gummibaerschen" are! This is damn funny, and I hope you get a reply.

BTW, this should probably go to the forum for member's work. this forum is for surplus scam letters that are up for baiting grabs. Smile

Banks I have hit in the groin with oranges... United Kingdom x1; Lads on safari Safari Safari Safari

Thanks Mr Larry, I dont need any kind of monkey. -Jurgen Sterk

...and moreover the name is Wesley Harry and not Hairy Weasel. -Barrister/Bannister Curtis Davis

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I hope i get a reply! Years of growing up on Monty Python and other abstract comedy have warped my brain and i can just write in stream of consciousness, much like Terry Gilliams animations - and it'd be a shame to waste all the rubbish in my head........

I wasn't sure if it counted as members work as all the others seemed to be lots of correspondence, and i've only just replied to him!

Can one of the mods move this?

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Posts: 419
Location: From Hell

PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:06 am Reply with quoteBack to top

ya ask, ya get. Smile

Kanshi Ng

"I've got a black cat's bone
I've got a mojo tooth
I've got a John the Conqueroo
I'm gonna mess with you"
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

So weird being on another messageboard and not having all my usual moderating priviledges!

I intend to turn this into a fully fledged baiting project, and as its my first one, i'd be very grateful of a buddy to guide me through it, and help me out when things get icky. Any offers?

I have plenty of ideas for filling his inbox with spam.....

i have already signed him up to a newsletter which sends him daily emails about ostrich farming, ostrich recipies and how to breed ostriches.
Baiting Guru

Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 3045
Location: Italy,

PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 10:15 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Oh, my dear old Mr. Sankoh, the sweet memories... That was my first bait ever and I've baited him 5 times now, the recent bait is going on for 3 months now. He has contacts in Toronto and London as well so if you somehow cannot make it to the Düsseldorf meeting just go on a round the world trip. See, I'm the resident Sankoh-expert here. Very Happy

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No sugar plum fairies have been hurt during the process of creating this message.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 10:58 am Reply with quoteBack to top

In that case i shall have to tell him i live on a remote island off the coast of Birmingham, which is only accessible at low tide, which occurs about once every 6 months for 5 minutes on a tuesday. There are plans afoot to dig a tunnel to Schnizzle Island, and works will begin some time in March 2006. The tunnel itself will take 3 years to dig, as ancient religious texts (dictated by the great God Thor himself), do specifically say, and I quote:

The digging of holef fhalt be forbidden, except on Thurfday, the day of Thor, whence thou fhalt be permitted to bury thine gunt-nadgerf. Thou fhalt useth no inftrument bigger nor fmaller than the bill of thine holy platypuf. Every fpot muft be confecrated by the high priefteff of Aberyftwyth. Any blood fpilt fhalt be my own facrifice, and the dead fhalt be given a gloriouf death, before their journey to Valhalla.
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