Getting back in the game with an orphanage!

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Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:58 pm

It's been a few years since I've actively baited, but I've kept my toys and tools updated just in case.

A few days ago I decided to fire up the church and take it for a test drive by sending out a batch of ASEMs culled from my catchers.

03 Nov, 2017 - Deacon John C's ASEM

Quote:

Dear Reverend,

I have been instructed by Pastor Natch to send you the attached brochure on the Church Of Xian Kindness' iPADs For Africa Program.

The iFAP program allows for any member church of COCK (in good standing) to receive up to 70 iPADs free of charge for the use of their membership.

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to write and I will do my best to answer them.

With God's love,

Deacon John C.
Church Of Xian Kindness

The attached image is the first page of a four page pdf brochure that was sent with the ASEM

Sure enough, the next day...

04 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Deacon John C.

Quote:

Dear, Most Deacon John C.

Greetings to you from the <Lad's Fictitious Orphanage>.

I'm Pastor Joe in charge of orphanage home Benin, one of
the French speaking countries in West Africa.

About our Home.

<Fictitious Orphanage> homes was established on 10th May 2013.

I have been acting in his position ever since his demise.

We are in charge of 117 children, we run to you for support in
preparing our kids for the christmas celebration, we are i need of
foods, clothing materals, foot wears and some toys to help the little
one deal with the situation they are facing.

My most Deacon i plead with the name of our God that you grant our
request that we find favour in your sight.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, your family and
congregation now and forever in Jesus Mighty name i prayed. Amen.

Faithfully Your's.
Pastor Joe

05 Nov, 2017 - Deacon John C to Lad

Quote:

Dear Pastor Joe,

I am sure that the Church Of Christian Kindness would be delighted to assist your orphanage in any way we can.

Please tell me about the 117 children you have in your charge and how did you come to hear about COCK?

I look forward to your reply and God bless,

Deacon John C.
Church Of Xian Kindness

05 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Deacon John C.

Quote:

Dear,Most Deacon John C.

Thank you for your quickly response.

Our 117 kids are from age range, 5years to 27years.

Most of them learn trade while others attend some local schools here
in Benin, as the situation is getting much hard on us, i decided to
make some research in the internet for any foreign church who we could
partner with for assistance, that was when i stumbled into C.O.C.K
site and decided to leave a request message,
My Deacon, we really need your help to provide at least two sqare meal
a day for our kids, clothing,foot wears and if possible some video
games or toys to help the little once deal with situation of life
they found them selves in.

I plead with you in God's name any means you could help us will be
highly appriciated and our God in his infinity mercy will reward you
aboundantly.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you,your family and
congregations now and forever in Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Faithfully Your's.
Pastor Joe.

06 Nov, 2017 - Deacon John C. to Lad

Quote:

Dear Pastor Joe,

I have already talked with one my superiors about your request and he would like to discuss the matter with you further. His name is Pastor Clement H. and his address is <redacted>. He is waiting to hear from you. In the meantime, he has instructed me to tell you that we do indeed have programs that we can offer you to help support your orphanage. In fact, our flagship "African Mission" program was created with the mandate to assist in the establishment of orphanages, schools, health clinics and other community projects for our member churches in Africa. In addition to the African Mission program, we also have a program that offers grants for education, something that might be of benefit to the older children.

I will continue to offer you my support as required throughout this process, but Pastor H. will be taking overall control of your request.

God bless,

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:15 pm

Promising start, and hello there another Lord Very Happy

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:25 pm

06 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Clem

Quote:

Dear, Pastor Clem

Greetings to you from the <Lad's Fictitious Orphanage>.

I'm Pastor Joe in charge of orphanage home Benin, one of
the French speaking countries in West Africa.

About our Home.

<Fictitious Orphanage> homes was established on 10th May 2013.

I have been acting in his position ever since his demise.

We are in charge of 117 children, we run to you for support in
preparing our kids for the christmas celebration, we are i need of
foods, clothing materals, foot wears and some toys to help the little
one deal with the situation they are facing.

My most Deacon i plead with the name of our God that you grant our
request that we find favour in your sight.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, your family and
congregation now and forever in Jesus Mighty name i prayed. Amen.

Faithfully Your's.
Pastor Joe

Same letter he sent the Deacon. He even left references to the Deacon in the letter. No matter, I'm not going to quibble over the minor stuff yet.

06 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Clem to Lad

Quote:

Good day Pastor Joseph,

Deacon C. has already talked to me about your situation and I am certain that we can find some funding for your orphanage through several of our charitable programs. Before we can start though, I'm going to need to go through a few points with you.

1 - Deacon C. informs me that some of your orphans are as old as 27 years. The Church Of Xian Kindness considers the age of 19 to be the cutoff for benefits in such cases and thus we will need to how many of the 117 children in your care are over 19 years of age.

2 - By the time we arranged for shipments of food, clothing, footwear and toys to you, the Christmas season will be long over. It would make more sense, and be more expedient to you, if we simply made a financial transfer to whatever bank you deal with locally.

3 - COCK requires that aid recipients must be members of our church and be appropriately baptized. You will need to become of member of the Church Of Xian Kindness. Member Services will handle this process if you agree.

4 - We will need the names and ages of all children in your care. We require this to be a handwritten document that you will scan and email to me.

If you wish to proceed, please start by submitting the handwritten list of children and ages as soon as possible. In the meantime, I will instruct Pastor T. at Member Services to contact you regarding your membership and I'll talk to the Council Of Deacons about approving appropriate funding for you. The amount that we offer will be based on the list of children so once again, I'll need that as soon as possible.

In God's name,

Pastor Clem
Church Of Xian Kindness

06 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Clem

Quote:

Dear,Anoited Pastor.

Good morning my pastor in the Lord and thank you for your kind
message, it give me a great relieve from thinking.

Your request for the list will be send today but i wish to know what
are involve in becoming a member of COCK? , i mean requirements and
procedures.

Forgive me my Pastor but pls i need to understand things involved.

May the peace of our lord Jesus Christ be with you and your household
in Jesus name.Amen.

Be blessed in the mighty name of Jesus.

Faithfully Yours
Pastor Joe

06 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Clem to Lad

Quote:

My dear Pastor Joe,

I am happy to hear from you as I do have some news for you.

I had an informal meeting today with Deputy Bishop Howie F. and explained what I knew of your situation. My main concern is that Christmas is fast approaching and we need to get a head start if we are going to be able to grant you funding in time. Deputy Bishop Howie F. agreed to support an emergency grant before the Council Of Deacons in the amount of $20,000 USD dependent on your successful membership application and other information as may be needed. This is actually quite unique in the Church Of Xian Kindness to gain pre-approval like this, but the Deputy Bishop and I both feel that we cannot let the children down.

The membership process is quite simple. When you are ready for the application, it will be sent to you by Member Services and you will have a set amount of time to complete it and send it back. The application will require your personal information, letters of reference from people who know you and a requirement that you self baptize in manner consistent with scriptures and our church's beliefs and provide proof of same. It's actually quite simple and straight forward. Once it is returned and verified by Member Services as complete, you will be welcomed as a member of the Church Of Xian Kindness and eligible for all assistance and benefits that membership entails.

I hope this answers your questions and I look forward to receiving your handwritten list of the children's names and ages today.

With God's love,

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:31 pm

I kept him hooked pretty well until he discovered (google search) my topic with: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=280353
Otherwise, he is very docile and is ready to do a lot of tasks.

Quote:

Dear,Most Rev.

Thank you for your advice and Help,may the good lord continue to bless and protect you,family and all members of your congregations.

We have a committee of 12 elders in our Orphanage and we had meeting yesterday evening, i opened up to them my intention for us to associate with MUIE and a vote was carried out, to my greatest surprise all 12 supported my decision, because i am in charge and my decision is final and also for the future of our 117 kids.

My most Rev i can tell you and now that we are one and ready to represent and to convert our homd to be part of Muie community here in Benin Republic, West Africa.

I will be waiting for further advice and directives from you.
Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb.

After finding my old topic with google search:

Quote:

why are you doing all these??, because from my understanding, muie means BLOW JOB in Romania Language.
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=280353
why are you toying with life and future of innocent kids?? and innocent people?? may the lord God of horst turn your children to orphans, they shall beg like this 117 kids you toys with and may the anger of Amighty Jehovah consume you, i am standing here and now as the prophete of the most hight God to tell you that by 7 days from today, the rat of God of Israel will be upon you all and if any of our orphanage informations you collected is been used for evil activities of yours or purposes you that, i guarantes you untimely death in 7days.

my God never fails me right from my childhood.

He sent me a bank account (already reported) and also a delivery address.
- Delivery address for the Courtesy Package: Plot 56 cocotomeX AtrokpocondjiX - Cotonou - Benin
- The person who will picks up the package: TOGBEX KouassiX JeanX LambertX
- Contact phone number: +229-975-951-1X

Bank Name: United Bank For Africa, (UBA)
Bank Address: Stade de L Amitie - Cotonou - Benin
Account Name: EzenwaX xxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxx
IBAN: BJ 95 21067 01504 504010010290 XX
SWIFT CODE: BIC COBB BJBJ
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 504010010XXX

So I recommend that you change the name of your characters so that they do not appear in a search with google searach engine.

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:32 pm

Lord wrote:

Promising start, and hello there another Lord Very Happy

Hey, Lord. And thanks, I think it's a promising start too. Smile

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:36 pm

Birlic wrote:

I kept him hooked pretty well until he discovered (google search) my topic with: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=280353
Otherwise, he is very docile and is ready to do a lot of tasks.

<snip>

So I recommend that you change the name of your characters so that they do not appear in a search with google searach engine.

Good to know, because I've got a lot of tasks lined up for him. And I've already changed some of the names, but I agree with you... I'll mix things up a little more. I've had baits burned in the past the same way.

Thanks!

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:42 pm

If you need some help with him, tell me.
I am a great fan of stories involving prelates, churches and orphanages. Laughing

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:50 pm

07 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Clem

Quote:

Dear,Pastor.

kindly find here in the liste you resquested, also send the membership form accross to me.
Pastor Joe

07 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Clem to Lad

Quote:

Dear Pastor Joe,

I acknowledge receipt of the list of orphans in your care.

Member Services and CLIT have both been notified of your desire to apply for membership and both will be in touch with you shortly to start the process. Good luck and God bless, and if you have any questions please ask.

07 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Clem

Quote:

Dear, Pastor.

Thank you for your message, i m glad you got it, i will be waiting for
the membership form.

Remain bless Pastor.

Faithfully your's

Pastor Joe

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 5:40 pm

07 Nov, 2017 - Deacon Jim to Lad

Quote:

Dear Pastor Anthony Joseph,

This letter is to inform you that the Financial Office has received a preliminary authorization in your name in the amount of USD$20,000 on the authority of Dep. Bishop Howie.

It is important to note that this is NOT a payment authorization, merely a notice that funds have been reserved for you and may be released only on the further orders of the Council Of Deacons or by special order of Bishop G.

Thank you and God bless,

Deacon Jim
Financial Office

07 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Deacon Jim

Quote:

Dear,Most Deacon Jim.

Good evening .

I got your message and waiting for further directives in respect of
the membership process.

May the Lord be with you.

Faithfully Your's.
Pastor Joe

07 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Nick to Lad

Quote:

Good morning,

On instructions from Pastor Clem this office has initiated the creation of the security portions of your pending membership application and will forward them to Member Services when completed.

Pastor Nick
Client Level Inv. Team

Now it's just a quick update to the member app, think of some things for him to write on a placard and see if he'll do it.

07 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Nick

Quote:

My Pastor.

For God Sake, our kids really need help, for example, this night there
was no food for the kids, i have to buyer garri with sugar, so they
could soak it with water and drink to pass the night while i see what
they will eat tomorrow, if this will not work out kindly come out
clearly, i have life in my hand to care for i beg with the name of
God, for the pasted two weeks now hardly they have meal twice a day,
we leaving by the grace of God, i am on my kneels as i write this
message, pls pls pls, I just need truth if help from COCK is possible
or not let me know way forward.
may the peace of our lord Jesus Christ be now and forever.Amen.

Faithfully Your's.
Pastor Joe

Excitable lad...

07 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Nick to Lad

Quote:

Pastor,

Please control yourself, sir. There is no reason to get excited. It is COCK policy to keep prospective members informed of what is happening in regards to their membership bid.

CLIT provides security services to COCK worldwide and also supplies security protocols that are included in every membership application. I was merely informing you that the security protocols for your application were completed and sent to Member Services for inclusion in your application. This is normal and not at all cause for concern. Now that Member Services has the protocols, it can generate your application. You will very likely receive the application today.

God bless,

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 1:16 am

07 November, 2017 - Pastor Sam to Lad

Quote:

Pastor Joe,

Attached is Membership Application MI-D-16. It is extremely important that you read the following items as it may affect the outcome of your membership bid.

1 - You have four days to complete and return this application with all attachments and Testament Of Faith photographs requested within. Your four days will officially start at 7 AM, 08 November, 2017 your local time. Your completed application MUST be received by this office no later that 6:59 AM, 12 November, 2017.

2 - Communications blackout starts immediately and ends when your completed application is received by this office. Any attempt to contact any member or official within COCK during the communications blackout will result in immediate failure of your membership bid. If you fail to attain membership due to a violation of the communications blackout you WILL NOT be invited to re-apply.

3 - You must scan and return the entire application for processing.

4 - You must scan and submit all identification and documentation as specified in the application.

5 - This application will be scored out of a total of 1000 points with 350 points being allotted for the application itself and 650 points allotted for the Testament Of Faith. Missing or incomplete answers will result in points being deducted and errors or omissions in the Testament Of Faith will result in double points being deducted. The Council Of Deacons requires that a prospective applicant attain 750 points to be granted membership in COCK.

6 - You will be granted a bonus of 100 points for every day under 4 days that you able able to return your completed application.

7 - Regardless of how fast you are able to return the completed application, grossly incomplete or error ridden applications will be rejected immediately.

Good luck and may the hand of God guide you,

Pastor Sam
Director, Member Services

Now it's wait and see if he fills out the app and takes the photos.

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 1:19 pm

Very nice work! And welcome back. I'm still laughing at he acronym! iFAP?! Yeah, everyone faps at some point in their life.

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:48 pm

@Thursten3rd - Thank you. But it may actually come to a swift end.

08 Nov, 2017 - Lad to Pastor Sam

Quote:

Dear, Bishop.

This not official application, a membership application should be made
official, documented with church letter head, note this., i need a
phone number to speak with you.

Oh well... unlikely he'll fill it out now. Better luck next lad.

08 Nov, 2017 - Pastor Sam to Lad

Quote:

Pastor,

You are in violation of item 2 - Communications Blackout.

I will forgive this instance and allow you to continue with the membership application, but any further attempts by you to contact anybody in the Church Of Xian Kindness during the application window will result in immediate failure of your membership bid

I've been in this spot before. I seriously doubt he'll cooperate now.

@Birlic - If you want to slap him around a bit for old time's sake, you're welcome to

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