From outer space

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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 2:39 pm

I love to be silly with lads......and sometimes it even works. Space pork......oink oink Surprised

From a dying widow scam, the widow was happy to receive this from me and forwarded me to her bank:

Quote:

Hello Christel,

my name is not Dear, my name is Julia. Maybe that is the reason why I did not reply. I don't like it when people address me with a name which is not my name if you know what I mean. I take such things very personal when I am heading towards my premenstrual depressions.
When I am not at work, the nearest Airport is Berlin. Right now I am at work though, so there is no Airport near me. My home address is Platz der Vereinten Nationen 2 in D-10249 Berlin. My telephone does not work when I am at work but I might be able to call you. We can make outbound calls via satellite once a week, but I must apply for an outgoing NASA extralong distance call permission certificate (EDCPC) in advance, so please let me have your availabiliy for oral communication sometime next week. I work as a sanitary cleaner abboard the ISS Space Shuttle. You can follow our position here in case you should be interested: http://iss.de.astroviewer.net/
My weekly income is 1056,78 $. I have a passport and a driving license, but I don't have it with me up here because I don't need it.

Kind retards
Julia

Now comes the "bank"

Quote:

Attention: Julia

Dear Madam the management of this bank wish to inform you that we have receive an instructions from Christel Walker to transfer the sum of $9.5 million to your account kindly get back to me if you are the right person and don t forget to send copy of your drivers license for proper verification,,

Best Regards
Ms Angela Aneke
Managing Director/CEO)
Tel:+ 225-54-07-07-01
Fax:+ 225-75-30-02-95
2ème Etage 17 BP 808 Abidjan 17

Quote:

Dear Ms Aneke,

I don't have my driving license or passport with me.

Quote:

Attention: Julia

We have receive your message send the contents is well noted, do you want to receive your fund by bank to bank wire transfer?? or to load it in ATM visa card and send to you by DHL?? which option do you chose?

Quote:

Hello,

as I am abboard the ISS right now for the next months (I work here as a cleaner), I cannot receive any DHL shipments I think unless you do know better than that, so a bank transfer would be fine.

Thank you
Julia

Quote:

Attn Julia

I write to acknowledge the receipt of your mail the contents is well noted.Note that because the depositor did not mention your name in his last will and testament it will be impossible for funds to be transferred to you without extensive acquiring of legal backup documents on your name from the Cote D Ivoire Probate Registry and HM Court of Justice (His Majesty's Court) which handles inheritance matters.

We have assigned the legal offices of Birch-am Dyson Bell to process and secure all the necessary clearances required to facilitate the immediate transfer of the fund to your designated bank account.

Deed of Conveyance of Title, fund Authentication, Exchange Allocation Approval, Notarization and Files Clarification are required in your file name to represent all legitimate paperwork needed before your transfer could be successfully completed as mandated by the legal and banking authorities in compliance with the Financial Conduct Authority and the Prudential Regulation Authority of the Cote D Ivoire Bank which monitors all financial transactions here.

After due consultation with Birch-am Dyson Bell and after their
verification from the authorities responsible for the issuing of the Deed of Conveyance of Title, fund Authentication, Exchange Allocation Approval, Notarization, Files Clarification and authentication of your file will cost you the sum of One Thousand Seven Hundred and Fifty united states Dollars (US$ 1,750)

You are required to fly down here with the needed amount to witness the process but if you cannot be able to come down here, we will direct you on how to transfer the funds to the law firm.

We have been assured by the law firm that as soon as they have the needed costs in hand, they will have the whole process completed within three (3) days.

In view of the above, we will carry out the transfer of the bequest funds to your designated bank account immediately upon submission of the documents from the law firm.We are looking forward to hearing from you.
Thanks
Angela

Quote:

Good day to you,

Unfortunately I cannot just fly down, how would that work? You can see the ISS' present position here: http://iss.de.astroviewer.net/
Please direct me on how to transfer the funds to the law firm, and I need an invoice please.

Thank you
Julia

Quote:

Attention:Julia
Hence you can not come here you advice to send the fee by western union or money gram
with this details bellow,

Receiver First name:EMEKA
Last name:MULE
Address no 11 cascto stree uba bank ci
Qestion should be:OK
Answer should be:OK
Amount $ 1,750

The invoice will be send to you together with all your transfer backup documents,
So kindly make the payment now and send the payment receipt so that our bank lawyer will start the process immediately,
Congratulations,
Mrs Angela

Quote:

I am sorry but there is no Western Union or Moneygram up here where I am, so what do you want me to do now?
Julia

Quote:

you can send it with your credit card online or???? when are you getting to your destination so that you can get into the town and send it???

Quote:

Credit cards are not permitted abboard because the radiation of the magnetic stripes on the back will interfere with the central WARP transition flux compensator unit. I can email a friend and let him send the fee to your bank if that is ok with you. It will be quite a while until I will be back in town. Just yesterday we dropped 3 astronauts off in a sojus capsule and they landed safely in Kasachstan. Next time it will be my turn, but it will be another 173 days. Given the circumstances, I think a bank transfer will be the best I can do

Julia

Quote:

can you do bank transfer from there?? if not then send my info to your friend and tell him or her to send the money by western union or money gram that is the best,but if you can do it online banking from were you are now then let me know

Quote:

Hello,

a bank transfer should not be a problem, I can do that online. I'd rather not get anyone else involved because they would ask me questions.

Thank you, Julia

Quote:

okay that is good but our official online banking the maximum amount you can send is from 4,000 Euro up so you advice to send 4,00 Euro then the balance we will add it to your fund when we transfer it so let me know if you are okay with that so that i will provide you that account, hope you will make the payment right now online???

Quote:

No problem, that is ok I think if you add the balance back to my funds later
Julia

Quote:

Okay good we have discuses with our international agent receiving in USA bank so you will send the 4,00 Euro to the account confirm before i send you the account,

Quote:

Hello,

I have already confirmed that the transfer of 4000 € is no problem, but please confirm again that you will add the balance back to my funds!

Thank you
Julia

Quote:

offcuse i will add your balance to your $9.5 million that is not a problem there everything we are doing is computerize so feel free,

send the payment to this account bellow,

Bank mame.Bank Of America
Address.:South trio st. charlotte
account name:Rowan MULE
Account number:23703********
Routing.:053000196

am waiting for the payment info now,

Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 3:14 pm

"... I am abboard the ISS right now for the next months (I work here as a cleaner)..."

I really spilled coffee on my keyboard. Muhahahaha! Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

^^^
come on, really?

you are already half a year member of this board.

you should have learned by now: drinking and reading threads on eater is NOT advised.

@mods/admins: could you please add that to the rules? don't drink while reading baits. unless the keyboard is waterproof. Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1942

Quote:

Credit cards are not permitted abboard because the radiation of the magnetic stripes on the back will interfere with the central WARP transition flux compensator unit.

Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 5:22 pm

Being on the ISS is an excellent reason not to use Western Union or Money Gram. Brilliant! And hilarious!

Mods - that mule is in my local area, and that account is at my local bank where I have many good connections. If I can help in anyway on that front, please PM me.

Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:05 pm

Quote:

offcuse i will add your balance to your $9.5 million

This lad must be REALLY excited. Laughing

Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:21 pm

I love the ISS idea. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

just as an idea

http://www.heavens-above.com/

you can tell him, when he has to look into the sky to see you and the ISS.

this way, he'll be even more impressed, if you can tell him, that you've seen his city right now.

and there is a webcast that permanently shows the picture from the ISS down to the surface.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/live-iss-stream

a pic from lagos from space should be impressive (especially if he can look into the sky and see that point of light floating ahead...)

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Absolutely love the idea of the space station having a cleaner. Hilarious. This bait has some very amusing potential, MG.

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:44 am

^^^ Let's see how far this can be taken. The dying widow has written again to learn how things go.

Quote:

Dear Julia,

Good Morning , How are you doing? I am sorry for not able to write since i directed you to the bank, its due to intense care am having here. I am not allow to go closer to phone or computer if am under intense care. I just came out this morning and decided to write you.

Sincerely, i must confess that am really impressed for the good communicating with the bank concerning the transfer of the funds to your account in Germany. The bank updated me when i contacted that you both are in good communicating and that if things goes well by Saturday or Monday the fund will be in your account.

Julia, coming across you is not a mistake, it is because you have a good heart and willing to help the less people. I pray that the GOOD LORD will continue to favor and blessing all your endevours. I believe my heart can rest now because i know with you my wish will come to pass.

I may not know you physically but i know you in my heart.

Thank You Dear, and always keep me in your prayers because i might go for the surgery this week, but if anything happens to me, i will be glad wherever i will be because with you i am fulfilled. Always Keep me updated and when i am opportune to check my email, i will write you.

Thank You

Quote:

Good day to you, Christel

I am not sure if this an appropriate way to address you, can a dying woman have a good day at all? I don't know but I had no other idea. I am also very grateful about the good communication with the bank. I will be very happy when I can get out of here, I am getting sick and tired of the food, I am so muchly craving for a good old traditional Mett-Igel, a loaded poutine and a pizza. The very best is when you load your poutine with a Mett-Igel, and I am also dreaming of a Blackforest Cherry cream pie for dessert! I have attached a picture of my lunch, now does that not look boring? We even have to use magnets to keep fork and knife down on the tray because there is absolutely no gravity up here. Did you know that one's weight in space is only a sixth of what it is on earth? Most people don't know that, they have no idea. Christel, what do the doctors say, how long will you be able to make it? I will be out of here in 172 days from now, and I could come visit you, hold your hand and chart with you, and we could have some hot Jägermeister with whipped cream, what do you say? I have to clean the toilets now, Take care!

Retards, Julia

The bank wants my slip Cool

Quote:

Good morning
i am waiting for the payment receipt the lawyer is here waiting in my office,
Thanks
Angela

Quote:

Hello,

I must check back with my bank and ask them what I can do. We are in a paperless environment up here and I made the payment as an EFT. I will do my best to get something for you, thank you for your patience.

Retards, Julia

Quote:

when did you make the payment?? can i have the confirmation of the transfer?/ because when you make transfer online their must be some confirmation message can i have it please,

Quote:

Hello,

why would I receive a confirmation message? The deduction shows in my account balance, but of course I cannot let you have access to my account to have a look. I have written to my bank and I am waiting for their answer.

Julia

Quote:

okay no problem we need the transfer slip so when you hear from your bank let me have the slip,

No problem? Hm....

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

I'm not going to be happy unless Hansi is used as a gravity testing budgie

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:14 pm

How come I didn't think of it? I will try to bring Hansi in. In the meantime the bank issue needs to be solved. My slip is still desperately wanted. Some people......tz tz tz. I have sent them this:

Quote:

Hello,

I have just received an answer from my bank, and I do not understand at all what the problem is, so can you please check? And please do NOT write to my NASA address because your message will most likely not reach me because of all these antisperm filters in place. Only few selected senders can communicate with me throught this address and the access admission process is complicated.

Empfangen: Mittwoch, 12. April 2017 um 13:35 Uhr
Von: "Bank für Gemeinwirtschaft" <[email protected]>
An: julia*********@nasa.gov
Betreff: Your online transfer

Dear Mrs **********,

your inquiry has been received and well noted. It is our pleasure to update you on behalf of the transaction mentioned below:

Bank name.Bank Of America
Address.:South trio st. charlotte
account name:Rowan MULE.
Account number:2370**********
Routing.:053000196

Amount to transfer: € 4.000,00

The present status of the transaction is still pending because the receiver's account has exceeded its holding limit. Please contact the receiver.

Yours sincerely

BfG Kundenservice
Erdmute Hallmackenreuther

Quote:

Okay i have contact the receiver to check and he said that it is not in his account yet but we will have to wait little time to see if the fund can be release to his account as soon as i confirm from him i will let you know,

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:02 pm

Genius. I am using this today. What fun.

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:37 pm

"The present status of the transaction is still pending because the receiver's account has exceeded its holding limit. Please contact the receiver. "

Muhahaha! Laughing

Excelent job, I like your imagination! clapping

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:44 pm

It is not my idea.....it was suggested by VonPasoxlura Cool

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:56 pm

I will keep it in my mind, for my next bank payment. Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unmanned_spaceflights_to_the_International_Space_Station#Future_spaceflights

the next two important flights are the cygnus-freighter and the progress-freighter (don't care about the spaceX-flight).

you can tell your widow, that you have sent the money, the receipt will be sent with the next flight (cygnus). the problem however is, that the cygnus-craft is meant to launch to the ISS, deliver cargo, and then they cramp garbage into it (and the baks receipt)... then it leaves the spacestation and burns up in the atmosphere.

imagine the lads face, if he/she gets told, that the receipt got burned up during reentry. you can give her articles about it, etc...

if you are using the dragon capsule (spaceX): they can land and can deliver stuff from the ISS back to the earth. then you might need to make something up with customs.

there is another flight in 3 months, where they land 3 astronauts/cosmonauts in kazakhstan, wich could cause even more problems with customs.

by the way, since there is a russian segment and an american one (with european and japanese module), you could dream up all sorts of border controls... (sadly, the bank is in the american part, and you are european, show your passport, if you want to go to the bank)

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:11 pm

Ha ha ha, brilliant! So many opportunities out there, it is fascinating. What a space oddity. I must get Major Tom involved somehow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYYRH4apXDo

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:31 pm

The "bank" is getting excited.

Quote:

please ask your bank again the status of the transaction and tell them to send you the transfer receipt copy

Quote:

Hello,

I would love to do so, but right now there is no possible connection to my bank mail that may be due to an interstellar shitstorm we are facing right now the whole unit is shaking like crazy and I have spilled my Waldmeister Wackelpeter it is all over the place now the lack of gravity can be a bad thing. Maybe it would be better if you could write to my NASA account but the access is highly secured. I could get a NASA email address for you, what do you say?
Julia

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

ISS version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaOC9danxNo

Wink

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:47 pm

Oh.....he wants some security. He may have it if he really wants it then

Quote:

get me the email and also the email of your bank

Quote:

Ok I can get you the email but you will have to go through a tight security process is that fine with you?
Julia

Do I smell a penis print?

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:49 pm

Robert......that version is even much better! I hope the lad will lose his ground control as we will move along Cool

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:51 pm

Quote:

yeah send me

Buddy.....as if it were that easy! He will receive detailed instructions tomorrow Cool

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 11:31 pm

The bank wants to contact my bank. No way this is going to happen.

Quote:

give me email and phone number of your bank

Quote:

Hello,

why do you want email and phone number of my bank? That would not help the case because they would not tell you anything, what do you think? Banking information is highly protected. Do you think I could just call your bank and make inquiries about your account? Not in a million years, are you dreaming or are you on drugs? I have checked back with my superior Major Tom. You can have a nasa.gov email address if you are willing to undergo the related security process. Body part identification is needed, so if you want me to set up an account for you I will need an iris scan of your right eye. It must be wide open, so what you gotta do is put your face on either a photocopier or a scanner with your right eye open and either scan or copy. Send me the file and we'll be good to go within no time at all. Tomorrow will be an exciting day. We will launch Hansi, but that is an entirely different story.

Julia

Quote:

Listen the money you send was not yet received by the receiver so i need the transfer slip which you used to make the payment that is confirmation dear we don t work with out prove send me the receipt of the payment you said you made then if you did not make any payment kindly tell me so that i will face another job

Quote:

and please do not be rude to me when written to me i am only trying to help you get your fund wire to your account but that does not give you any right to talk to me in such manner

Quote:

Hello,

I have just checked back, the local time in my country is 01.49 am now, so noone is working in my bank. I will contact them tomorrow during working hours and get back to you. What do you mean when you say you will face another job??? It is not my fault that I do not have a receipt. My bank has told me that the receiving account is oversaturated or something, I still do not understand what that means because I am a cleaner and not a money person

Julia

ETA:

Quote:

No problem when you finish with them tomorrow then get back to me because the receiver have not see the payment yet, and let me ask you are you on air?? is it in a flight? or what????

Quote:

Well...it is a little more than just a flight. I am abboard the ISS space shuttle. I have to go now, there was another mishap in the men's restroom.

Julia

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:05 am

Eye see where you're going Very Happy

if he sends a black-and-white scan of his eye, tell him it has to be in color.

This bait is out of this world!