Safari lad gets a taste of his own medicine

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Quote:

Dear Sir,

My name is as Maria Khumalo, the wife of Mr. Daniel Khumalo from the republic of Zimbabwe. It might be a surprise to you where i got your contact address. I got your contact from the South Africa Chamber of Commerce in Johannesburg.

During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe, in his effort to chase all the white farmers out of the country, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and his followers. My husband, was one of the best and successful farmers in our country and formerly the Finance Minister of Robert Mugabe administration, but he did not support the idea of dispossessing the white farmers of their lands. Because of this, his farm was invaded and burnt by government thugs.

In the course of the attack, my husband was killed, and the invaders made away with a lot of items from the farm. Our family house was utterly destroyed and my husband died out of heart attack. he drew my attention to the sum of US$15.5 MILLION, Which he deposited with a security company in South Africa during his tenure as the Finance Minister of Zimbabwe. My son and I decided to move out of Zimbabwe for our own security, because our lives were in danger. We decided to move to the Republic of South Africa where my father deposited this money. Till date, the security company is not aware of the content of the consignment because my husband used his diplomatic immunity as at that time to deposit the consignment as important personal valuables. I decided to have contact with overseas person/firm who will assist me to move the money out of South Africa. This becomes necessary because as political asylum seekers, we are not allowed to own or operate a bank account. If you accept this proposal, you shall receive 25% of the entire amount for assisting us to move this money out, 70% of this amount shall be for myself and my son, the remaining 5% shall be mapped out for expenses incurred in the course of the transaction.

As soon as I get your response, I will give you more details on how we can proceed. Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Maria Khumalo

Me

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This is a terribly sad story but im not sure how I can help you , maybe you should look for a barrister ?

I always look for something special, something that grabs my attention and his immediate reply did just that !!

Quote:

Dear Sir,

After sending you so many emails with no respond I am assuming that you are no longer interested. This email is to inform you that I have already started looking for someone else that will come to Durban and will handle this transfer with the seriousness that it deserves.

Have a nice life.

Regards,
Mrs. Maria Khumalo

Me

Quote:

Im not interested

Lad

Quote:

Dear Sir,

How hard could it have been to have said so long ago instead of wasting my time. I always knew you were a joker at the back of my mind.

The game of chess began. He was mixing me up with someone else and he was off script , I needed to reel him in !!

Quote:

What are you talking about ? you sent only 2 emails and then tell me to come to the Netherlands ?? you call me a joker !!

Will he bite and invite me to play at his house ?

Quote:

Dear Sir,

With all due respect sir, how many emails were you expecting me to send to you before we can begin the transaction? I did not invite you to Netherlands ? but you can come to Durban South Africa, you could have responded and said so instead of such silence. What does the silence say about you Sir?

If you are so uncomfortable about coming to South Africa, you can get a lawyer here that will represent you and make sure that the security company releases the money so that we can share it and conclude this transaction.

Regards,
Ms. Maria Khumalo

Quote:

Sorry Maria I'm having a bad week, my fire extinguisher caught fire while I was using it to prop open a door and my insurance company are refusing to pay for the damage to shag pile carpet , may we begin again .I do apologise sincerely

The confused lad changes script and now Maria is dying in Hospital , but of course I did not notice

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am sorry for your bad week, I hope everything works out for you today.

My health is seriously deteriorating and I really need the security company to release this money, so that I could take myself to the best hospital. What I need you to do now is to tell me honestly, do you want to come here and handle this transaction or do you want to get a lawyer that will handle it for you?

The reason why I asked this question is so that we can move forward with the release of my $17.5 ( wahooo an extra 2 mill ) Million Dollars. If you want a lawyer, I am sure a lawyer will be able to help.

I expect your urgent response.

Regards,
Ms. Maria Khumalo

Quote:

I spoke with my family members and yes im willing to come to South Africa and I will bring whatever cash is necessary , Im really sorry your health is leaving you . Please instruct me clearly on what to do next

God bless you

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am happy to read that you are willing to come and conclude the transaction yourself. What you need to do right now is to get a Visa, which I know will not be hard to do as South Africa is a tourist destination, especially from Europe.

Please send me a copy of your Identity Documents so that I can get the certificate that will make you the Next of Kin.

Regards,
Maria Khumalo

Quote:

Hello Maria, I current hold a Visa and i have been to West Africa many times , I will only show my personal ID to a security company ok ,please let me know what i should next

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

I was given a BS Security Company Email and I wanted to ditch them as soon as possible and get back to making the lad meet me.

I dumped them quickly

They sent a form for me to fill out , I said it looked fishy and refused
I rang they did not answer so I slapped them for being lazy
They asked for my Passport and I said I faxed it, I complained strongly
I emailed over and over so that he could not reply soon enough and then I complained that they were inefficient

It all ended with this Smile

Lad

Quote:

Jones & Associates
(British Solicitors)
The Dorchester Park Lane London, W1K 1QA
Tel: +44 793 741 8560, Fax: +44 793 741 1503
Email: [email protected]

OUR REF: UK/LON/DSC/157/01/A
YOUR REF: 201703-22A

Dear Winfried Koehler ( who the fook ???? )

Thank you for getting in touch with Jones & Associates.

I am sure Mrs. Maria Khumalo or her son will be able to direct you properly but I am sure that by now you have made arrangements for your accommodation in Durban. Mrs. Khumalo's son can direct you to the right places and hotels to stay at for the period of this transaction.

Legal Representative
Harrinda Wakefield

Me

Quote:

Durban ???? are ye actually joking me and why are ye calling me winifred?? , im going to Johannesburg, her address is 16 Princess Street Johannesburg, and I have made all my arrangements , YOU SIR ARE AN IMBECILEY AND A BLAFOON ! do not ever email me again

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

I have two sound clips of the lad , The first one is pretty funny because the lad is using a voice changing App and it stops working at the very end of the call

https://soundcloud.com/user-851503753/0027719686471-2017-03-14-07-20-48a

The second clip is funnier because he initially answered and didn't use the voice changing app so he immediately hung up and text me pretending he was Maria's son Mike, He rang back!

Enter the New and only character im interested in - Mike

This was where I make sure he is coming to Johannesburg ( Im not going to Durban ) , I also entice him further with the complete mugu suggestion that he meets me quickly, he then takes the cash and he can go away happily to count the money and put it away somewhere safe while I sit waiting at the hotel for him to come back !

How could he refuse ??

https://soundcloud.com/user-851503753/0027719686471-2017-03-23-16-04-48a

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Here is the Lucky lad , but I needed to prove he started in Durban !!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Thanks MountainGoat for this link https://www.pic2map.com

The photo of the sea would have been enough for me but Pic2map came up trumps !

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Lad

Quote:

Hello Mr. Colin, good morning to you. I just received a phone call from the lawyer. He is asking me to help you to book into a hotel. Would you like me to do that for you sir? I can give you a list of great hotels that you can book into.

Have you booked your flight yet? You should book a flight to OR Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg. I will come and receive you at the airport, from there I will take you to your hotel room. Is that okay?

Mike Khumalo

Me

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Hello Mike, Im defiantly coming Friday . I would be very grateful if you could recommend and a hotel for me, did you find out if your mum will accept my help with her hospital bills ?

Lad

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Hello Mr. Colin, I just left the hospital and she is happy to accept it but she is worried about the cost that it will cause you. She needs coronary artery bypass grafting which is an expensive surgery of $19,000. I will be grateful forever to you if you help us with this surgery just like you want to.

What's the status of your travel arrangement? Have you received Visa from South African embassy? Have you bought your flight ticket yet? I will be waiting at the airport to meet you on Friday.

Me

Quote:

It is a lot of money but i do want to help , Im bringing 8,740 and I have 9,000 in my banks savings account so I can bring you 17,740 in cash on Friday ? , However If the doctors want full payment then they can they send me the full bill today and I can pay the the full 19,000 by using my MasterCard and Visa. ( I bet he refuses )

I have a visa as I have travelled to Africa before and I think I will stay at the Raddison as I know the hotel chain and they are very good.Do you know where the hotel is, Will you find it easily ?

I will send you my flight details soon,

Be good boy and tell Mum I was thinking about her

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

He messes up big time , Why Oh Why would he even mention Cape Town - If anything goes wrong in Johannesburg I will have to just have to head directly to his mum, i mean after all she is the most important person here !!

Quote:

Thank you so much Mr. Colin, the hospital that the surgery will me performed is a specialized hospital at Capetown. I will wait for you to come with the $17,740, because the best thing would be to pay for the surgery when you arrive here.

Yes I know where Raddison Hotel is and it is very accessible, you can make your booking and let me know. I told my mum about our conversation and she is very pleased. She said that I must thank you so much and that she looks forward to meeting you soon.

I then sent him a lod of rubbish copy and paste showing Flight and hotel booking and he sucked it all up

Quote:

Thank you Mr. Colin, I can see that your flight will go to Dubai before Johannesburg, does it mean that you are getting into the plane tonight? I will be waiting for you at the airport by 4:00. I look forward to meeting you on Friday

Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 12:03 pm

Sounds interesting! Keep us posted, I'll be watching.

Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 12:57 pm

Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:18 pm

Quite the hipster look he has going there (photo 1).

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

@firehouse5 it's far better than this scary ass photo , what made him think this would entice me out of my hotel and meet him on the street with a bag full of money

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

I Still needed a photo to prove he was in Johannesburg and I poked him from my "hotel room"

Lad

Quote:

Dear Colin, I was trying to explain to you that I don't have a good phone to take pictures. This is me right now and as I said before I am in Johannesburg, I don't know why you would think that I am not because I have never said so. I have assured you quite a lot of times that your safety is my concern. Phone me with the hotel's phone number so that I will come and meet you.

He sent this and I was not happy.

So foookk him, he can wait until tomorrow.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Me

Quote:

Are you actually joking with me right now , have I made a real fool of myself again , you are sending me pictures of you with just green trees the sky and the ground, that could be anywhere in the world

I can't believe you fooled me into coming all the way to Johannesburg, who are you really ? WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU REALLY IN ? Oh good Lord Jeasus and save us why have you let this happen , Mike what kind of a man are you to do this to me , are you having a big laugh with your friends at me now .Did ye all laugh when I was ringing you at the airport

I'm such fool .I can believe I was this stupid again

Him

Quote:

Dear Colin, I cancelled everything that I was supposed to do this week to come here on time to ensure that I met with you and sorted this transaction. I found it hard to understand why you doubt that I am now in Johannesburg when I have told you severally that I am here. I told you that I don't have a good phone so taking pictures is almost impossible. I took the selfies, how on earth was the background supposed to show? Maybe I should have hanged the phone on a tree and then let the tree to take the picture. ( Lol )
I now know believe that you never took any flight to Johannesburg and that you have been playing myself and my mum all along, may God bless you for crashing our hopes. I started having doubts when you kept on demanding for my pictures even after I sent you a picture of what I look like. I do not even have an idea what you look like but you do know what I look like yet you kept talking about your security

Him

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With all due respect I am very disappointed with you. The hotel is actually only 15 mins from where I am right now and I was hoping to meet you at the lobby which is a very secured place, your excuse is just very childish and I hope you have a peaceful night knowing that you crashed my dreams.

Me

Quote:

Yes Ok Mike , think what you want about me , I'm here in Johannesburg but I know you are not .I'll go to Cape Town and find your mum and I will pay for her surgery, you just do whatever you are doing but just remember I told you that all I wanted was reassurances that I was safe

Him

Quote:

am very sorry to say that you are beginning to sound like a joke. You already know who I am, so phone me with the hotel number and I will meet you at the lobby. Why are you here if you are scared of meeting me? You have my pictures and I don't have yours, so I should be the one scared.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

"...you crashed my dreams.". Oh, dear, the poor diddums. Sad

Correction edit

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

I thought I was going to lose Safari Helmet on a techanility when my lad came up trump's again !!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constitution_Hill,_Johannesburg

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Thumbs up!! Congrats! clapping

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:45 pm

That's great. Love all of the pictures of him looking confused and concerned.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Don't you love it that he's wearing a lovely, crisp, clean white shirt in order to meet 'you', braintoxic? Razz

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

Thanks , he traveled 574 km and is on his third day in Johannesburg,

I have a bit if a plan to piss him a bit more and it ties in with the reason I called it "a taste of his own medicine"

I'm going to end up sick in a hospital looking for a foreign business partner to help me get my big bag of money out of Africa for a small percentage of the fund Smile

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

@morgan , yes but no matter how he dresses he is still the scariest looking lad IV ever seen Sad

@padme I think he has a permanent expression of " wat d fuq"

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^^ Oh, I don't know so much. He's def a bit handsome. I think I might be in love. Lololol

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:46 pm

Congratulations on the safari! I hope you can keep him traveling for a bit longer.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

@bigx ...I'm definitely gonna try , it's time to refer back to his original script and start using it against him.

Me

Quote:

Dear Mike

I'm sorry we have been arguing but let me try to explain my case to you.

I understand you are cautious about people you don't know after everything that happened you and your mum and I know you must be really afraid of unknown men but I'm also cautious because I have to trust everything I'm told and pray it's not a set up or just a joke , I got nervous first with the security company .

I told you I didn't trust them , they never answer the phone , they never acknowledged my fax , the even sent me an email and called me Winifried Koehler? All this made me very suspicious,

You say I didn't send my picture but i did fax my passport copy to the solicitor in England but they didn't ever bother to reply and acknowledge it . ( All his English numbers we BS and made up)

The other thing that made me worry is you said you don't have a phone that can take selfie images but the pictures you sent last night I can see your arm is reaching out like you do have a phone for taking selfie , so that makes me a bit scared too

Mike I'm sorry but all I wanted was one photo showing that you really are were in Johannesburg and I think that because of you terrible past with unknown men you were hiding your true location

Can you please tell me where your mum is in Cape Town as we need to remember she is the most important person here now.

Him

Quote:

Dear Mr. Colin, I have sent you the picture which you have been asking for and I have tried my best to send you all that you requested from me, now I don't understand what your argument is about. What else is keeping us from meeting? I have been phoning the number that you have been phoning me with and I have not received any answer. I also asked you twice to phone me but you have not done such. You have to know that there is no way that you will be conducting any transaction with my mum if I am not in support of it. According to my culture, all my dad's assets are my inheritance and not my mum's, therefore this money is also mine rightfully.
As I have said, I have sent you a picture proving that I am in Johannesburg, what else is stopping you from asking for us to meet? For the third time, I am asking you to phone me.

He was moaning about me not ringing him as he so I did and told him that it was not fair of me as an "unknown man" to have asked so much of him,I was actually driving to the shop to buy a Cadbury Cream Egg and a bag of Bombay mix but I told him I was in a taxi on the way to Kroonstad to start my Journey to Cape Town to find his mum ,he hung up on me Smile

Me an hour ago

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I made it safely to Kroonstad but I'm disappointed that you won't give me the hospital name, listen to me Mike , I only want what is best for your mum .I did not see the photo of you at Constitution hill until now so I'm glad that we finally sorted that out , I totally trust you now I know you are genuine and that make my heart happy , that fills me with joy and now I don't feel embarrassed or stupid.

Thanks Mike , you put faith back into my soul

Regards

Him

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Dear Mr. Colin, The only plan that you should be making is to meet and discuss with me, nothing else and I do not understand why you have not been talking about it. You have totally ignored our meeting, all you have been saying is that I should give you the hospital information, knowing fully well that I cannot give you such information until I have met with you. I am glad that you are enjoying your visit here, however, it feels like our meeting is no more a priority to you.

Me now

Quote:

Dear Mike , I fills me with pride to see that you are so protective of your mum, I can't even begin to imagine what you felt when those unknown men killed your dad and threw your mum off her land. To be honest this is all very overwhelming for me to even begin to understand .

I rang my sister Lisa after you hung up on me and she helped me to understand the pain confusion and suffering you have endured at the hands of unknown men who did such terrible things , this explains to me why you were afraid to show your photo at public location , you were afraid I was a fraud unknown man and I would find you and come to take you away, Lisa made me see sense to all this.

Mike I have never experienced the trauma and devastation you suffered at the hands of unknown men so I did not know I was being really stupid asking you to send pictures of you with the background proving exactly where you were

Lisa told me you were probably afraid and like me you were just being safe too in case someone was tricking you.

Mike we were both just trying to be safe and that's why the meeting did not happen, I know now that you did not have my ID photo as I had only sent it to the insurance company and im pretty sure the in adequate lawyer not send you copy off my passport after I faxed it to them , I understand everything now.

Your a great great son to protect your mum and I trust you , you don't have to trust me but I trust you , I have a simple solution to our problems

I'm meeting your mum so let's just accept that ok ,I know you can't allow it and I know you are afraid again but you will soon learn to trust unknown men again.

In Ireland we have a thing called a "mediation process" its a simple means by which a third person stands in the middle between two people who are fighting or have uncontrollable differences . I think we need a mediation process

I'm going to Capetown to meet your mum either with or without you , however I'm still happy to give you the money so that you can meet the lawyer and continue the business transaction for me and you mum , I'm also happy to give you the extra money for your mum's surgery so you can be the man of the family and you can big up and pay for the medical costs, I understand this clearly and I respect you for your strength.

Im in Kroonstad ,it's about an hour away from Johannesburg ( its 2 hours away 190k) and I'm going to Bloemfontein next as I travel my way to Capetown, I know you were in Capetown last week to visit you mum so you must know this place very well , I suggest you pick a mediator here and I will give them the money immediately so that you can just pick it the next time you are coming past here going to see your mum ( I'm sure he will be delighted with my suggestion)

Pick a mediator that you know so that it's not an unknown man and you will have no fear of meeting them and then all these problems go away,you will feel safe getting your funds from a person you are familiar with .I feel this is the best solution Mike

God bless you this Sunday

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:06 am

This just cracks me up. The original script is just so full of holes. This dude's white father was dispossessed of his farm in Zimbabwe, yet he has the surname of Khumalo (almost impossible, but ok.) Then he sends pictures where he's obviously not either white or mixed race. What was he thinking? Perhaps he's adopted. Although at his age it would also have been extremely difficult as cross-cultural adoptions were very rare and frowned-upon when he was a kid... All I can say is Eish.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Jan 2017 Posts: 790

@whomenoo He is my special friend

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