Archie Fails to Join the Church of the Old Gods

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Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:54 am

Quote:

It must be so frustrating for him to watch the dumbest person possible get assigned to complete a task, and have that be the only thing that is keeping him away from his payday.

I find it exhilarating.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

One thing that amazes me is how well you guys control the pace of the events which unfold. It must be totally frustrating for him! I can see how things progress from A to B, but you guys toss in A1, A2 A3 etc and really control it. As a new guy around here, it is a real learning experience to witness.

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:36 am

Archie tries to squeeze any amount he can out of Eric:

Quote:

Good day Brother Eric, I understand that you have expenses to pay for. Likewise me. You know after the flooding incident in my community life has been so miserable for my people. Their homes, farms and businesses were destroyed. (he's been pushing this sob story for over two months now)

We have to move them to camp, its was then that I have had to tell Pastor Moses to raise funds for us.
But I am getting tensed up by the way the church is holding down the money.

Please any amount of money means a lot to us here, if $1000 is big for you to give. Please I will appreciate if you can send $200-$300. It will help in buying drugs for some of our pregnant women.

Meanwhile, the electronics are special brands that I chose. They are trusted brands that last long.
I will attach the pictures to this message.

Please buy the exact electronics in the picture.
Call me when you are in the store in case you are not sure of what to buy.

Eric has no response today.

Archie also asks Roger to go buy the electronics:

Quote:

Good day Mr Roger, I received a message from Pastor Moses today. He said he wants you to buy the items before he send them along with the welcome package.

But he didn't say anything about sending the money.

I have told brother Eric to help you buy the electronics and also sent the pictures to him so he can buy the right brands.
You have to call him today so you both can go buy it together.

Mr Roger, please help me talk to Pastor Moses to order brother Eric to send the money since the elders has approved it.

Cos we are facing a big challenge in my community. We are lacking food water and medicals.

I want you to go buy the items today, so it can be shipped to me by weekend. (not a chance)
The people are waiting for the church to start.

Roger couldn't find the items at Walmart:

Quote:

I went to the Walmart location closest to my house this morning and they didn't had any of those items that your looking for in stuck. The clark their said they usually don't keep the expansive items like that in the store cause other wise they mite get steeled. I was very disappointed by that but I guess it makes some since. The store isn't in a very good neighbor hood, after all.

The clark said I could try looking on their internets web site to purchase the items, so I guess that's what I'll do. Of coarse, I will have to ask Brother Eric to help me with that cause I am not very savvy with buying things threw the internets. But I know he is very good with using the Goggle and the Amazing so he should be able to buy the items for us. I will see if he can come over tonight to help me with it.

More delays, unfortunately. Eric will have to order the items online, and who knows what issues he will run into? Twisted Evil

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

The slow progression is no doubt painful for poor Archie. I love it. Very Happy

Quote:

Good day Pastor Moses, I was worried about not hearing from you in a while.

I communicate with brother Eric and Mr Roger everyday. I have sent both of them the pictures of the electronics. And I told Mr Roger to tell bro Eric to help him buy the electronics from Walmart. Mr Roger might find it difficult getting them cos of his age. Brother Eric will get them easily.

Pastor, when are you ordering brother Eric to send the money?
I told you how urgently we need this money. The camps where the the are temporarily residing has no water, food and medicals.

Please do something fast before we start we start loosing life. There are pregnant women that need to be taken care of.

Please Pastor Moses, tell brother Eric to send the money as soon as possible. The package will be shipped after they have purchased it.

Please can you call me? I want us to talk over the phone.
+234<>

My the old Gods grant you more wisdom.

No response from Pastor Moses today.

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 4:00 am

I adore this story, everything is so credible and natural.
Gentlemen, congratulations! clapping

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 6:24 pm

Roger tells Archie that Eric wasn't able to find the items on Walmart.com:

Quote:

I asked Brother Eric to come over my house to help me order the items threw the internets for you, but even Brother Eric wasn't able to find those items on the Walmart website. I don't understand why you told us to go their when they don't have those items in stuck any where.

Anyways, Brother Eric said he would look for the items on the Amazing or some thing like that, and he would order them so we don't have any farther delays. Sorry I am not very good with the technicalities like you young folks are, but I fingered it would be better to let Brother Eric handle it. He will let you know when he gets the items you wanted, and then we can send them to you.

Archie checks the website himself:

Quote:

Dear Roger, the items are on Walmart website. I just checked it now.

I have sent brother Eric a message, telling him how to order them.

Meanwhile, Archie is not happy with Eric for having issues with ordering:

Quote:

Mr Roger said that you are unable to order the electronics from Walmart website

First, you will need to register on the website with your email address

When you get into Walmart website, at the top of the page. You will find a space where you can type whatever item you are looking for and the item will come out.

Add the items to your cart, fill the form, provide your address and pay online. Select the date that you want them to deliver it to you.

I don't understand why you are finding it difficult.

You all are being sluggish with this whole process, after I have completed my faith monument.

I asked you to create hangout so you and I can have fast and steady communication. You don't message me on hangout. You read my message without replying.

You all have poor communication skills,
I can't call your phone numbers, it didn't bother any of you.

For old Gods sake, I thought you are younger than Pastor Moses and brother Roger. You shouldn't have problems with the Internet and social media apps.

Download and install what'sapp on your phone, register with your number. It will enable us communication effectively, or better still send me your Facebook I D.

I am really not happy with you all.

He sounds so frustrated, and it is hilarious.

Eric tersely explains that Roger got mixed up, and that he already ordered the items:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, you don't really need to tell me how to order the items. I know how to use a computer just fine, thank you very much. I told Brother Roger that I would order the items on Amazon instead of going through Walmart.com because I thought I could find them for cheaper. Maybe Brother Roger thought I meant that I couldn't find the items, and that's why he told you that.

I have been searching on Amazon today, and I did in deed find the items for cheaper, and I placed the order. So if you will just be patience for a little while longer, you will get the items you asked for. Amazon said the delivery should be by early next week. Once the items are delivered to the Church parish, I will ask Pastor Moses to send them on to you.

Is that good enough, or are you going to complain some more?

May the Old Gods Bless You

I expect he will respond meekly. He got told off, but he got what he wanted. Of course, now there will be issues with the delivery.

And finally, Hilts checks in after a few weeks to see how things are going:

Quote:

Dude, how's it going with those church idiots? You said they were gonna pay up soon, so what the fuck is going on? I haven't seen that old fool Roger in like three weeks. Is he gonna be the one sending the cash?

Archie is disdainful of the Church:

Quote:

Hi buddy, Mr Roger and his church folks are too premittive and slow.

They haven't granted membership, until they accept my membership. Roger won't come to you for funds.

I am still waiting.

Hilts thought he'd already finished the membership:

Quote:

Dude, your telling me your still not a goddam member? I thought you said you were gonna be done after you built that fucking pyramid! What else do you gotta do before they accept you as a member and you can get into their accounts?

And dude, I know their slow. That's what I told you when we started this business. Their the dumbest fuckers who ever lived, and Roger is the dumbest of all of them. That's why their so fucking easy to scam, am I right? Poor stupid bastards will never know what hit them.

I hope Archie gets annoyed with Hilts for describing the Church as easy to scam, even while Archie is running into such problems and delays. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 3:07 pm

I love how you're using Archie's own greed against him. After all, if he hadn't demanded the extra electronics the welcome pack could have been on its way days ago Laughing

Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 12:09 am

^ Precisely. The lad has no one to blame but himself.

Archie asks Eric to speed up the release of the money:

Quote:

I understand what you said, since you have ordered for the items. I hope they get to you early next week as they have said last.
Meanwhile, please talk to Pastor Moses and brother Roger about the release of the funds.

This is getting too long.

Eric rubs it in that the delay is Archie's fault:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, I spoke to Pastor Moses today at Services about the release of the funds, and he said that he is waiting for the extra items you demanded to come in before he sends the money. That is the only thing holding us out. If we didn't have to wait for the electronics, the funds from the bake sale would of already been released. So you will have to be patience about that too. I can't make Amazon deliver the items any faster.

May the Old Gods Bless You

Of course, since there is no Amazon package, I can make it "arrive" whenever I want. But just to frustrate him I will delay it a bit more. Twisted Evil

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Some unhelpful encouragement from Pastor Moses:

Quote:

Oh good my son,

Yes I spoke with them at Sunday Services and it sounds like Brother Eric has located the items you need by using the internet and the internet is shipping the items to him. So once they have been delivered we will be able to include them in the package that we send to you. I am sure it will be quick as I know you are excited to start spreading word of the Old Gods to your pregnant women who need their help. The Old Gods will most certainly bless those sinful women once they have converted to our glorious church!

Pastor Moses

Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 12:41 am

Archie asked Eric when he expects the items to be delivered, and Eric told him that Amazon said tomorrow. Spoiler alert: they won't arrive tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Roger is a step behind the play, as usual:

Quote:

Well, now I am confused cause I thought Brother Eric said he couldn't found them on the Walmart web site? I didn't spoke to him at Services yesterday, but I will try to get in torch with him today to finger out what he meant.

Also, can you tell me how to order the items? I know I'm not good with technicalities, but it's never a bad idea to try and learn. Could you please explicate and show me the precess?

I don't expect him to offer to show Roger how, but on the off chance he does I could waste a lot more of his time by having Roger repeatedly get confused by his directions.

Archie sounds frustrated in his latest email to Hilts:

Quote:

Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with them.

I am hoping that will accept me into the church soon.

Hilts offers to help from his end:

Quote:

Ok dude, I know your working hard to get them to pay out. Keep your pecker up, and let me know when you got cash you need to move. My buddy is ready to do the money laundry like we agreed.

If you want, I can call up Roger and see if I can get him to send you the money quicker. You think that would help?

Let's see what he says. I may encourage him to try starting his gold scam on Roger again, just to waste even more of his time while he waits for the package.

Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:11 pm

Archie tells Eric he wants a picture of the goods:

Quote:

Hello brother Eric, I hope they delivered it tomorrow.

When Amazon eventually delivered it to you tomorrow, please take a picture of the items and send them to me.

Suspicious bastard. He wants to make sure we're not yanking his chain about ordering the electronics. Which, of course, we are.

Eric doesn't understand what the picture is for:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, I just got home from work and unfortunately it doesn't look like Amazon has delivered the package with the items yet. I've checked the status of the order and it says the package is in Atlanta, which isn't too far from here, so it should be delivered soon. Like I said, I will let you know as soon as it is delivered.

I don't understand why you want a picture of the items though. I will have Pastor Moses send them to you right after they get delivered to me, so you won't have to wait that long to receive them. So maybe I'm missing something? Why do you want a picture?

May the Old Gods Bless You

Let's see if he can explain this without offending Brother Eric.

Meanwhile, Archie doesn't want to explain to Roger how to order on Amazon:

Quote:

Dear Roger, brother Eric said that he has ordered the items from Amazon website and that they will be delivered to him by tomorrow.

There is no need of you trying to order it.

Call him to confirm when the items will be delivered to him.

So you can also call Pastor Moses to start preparing the welcome package for shipping. Also tell him about the bake sale funds.

It's amusing that he thinks he needs to tell me to coordinate with other characters, who are also played by me.

Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 9:19 pm

If you want to throw another curveball into the mix, maybe the Elders have decided to focus on helping the victims of the Santa Rosa wildfires for now. If Archie is disappointed by this, why does he not care about the poor children whose homes were lost? If he is a moral person, he would not complain about this and try and find some way to help the victims.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Quote:

It's good to hear from you again Pastor Moses, yes brother Eric told me that the items will be sent to him soon.

But Pastor, why are you quiet about the bake sale funds? Are you not sending it to my community anymore?

I told you how urgent we need the money, I have asked brother Eric. He said you haven't ordered him.

Please we are in need help.

Best regards.

Moses is confused by this, and tries to clarify the current situation:

Quote:

Hello my son,

I am glad to hear that Brother Eric has arranged to receive the proper items for you.

But what do you mean about the bake sale funds? Yes, as I had told you the Elders have approved an advance of $30,000 to send you to help your villagers and teach them about the goodness of the Church. These funds are going to be send with the Welcome Package, which we are still waiting to put together once Brother Eric has received the electronics that you requested. I realize that this is taking extra time due to your special requests but I'm sure soon Brother Eric will have the items and we can get everything sent on its way.

Pastor Moses

I don't think he realized that I was planning to put the $30,000 inside of his Welcome Package, but hopefully this will clear things up for him.

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 5:42 am

^^^ I don't think he realized that I was planning to put the $30,000 inside of his Welcome Package, but hopefully this will clear things up for him.

Certainly the idiot did not understand this. Laughing

I am subscribed to this topic and watch carefully "Archie's adventures". clapping

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:01 pm

I am concerned that an Amazon vendor might send the wrong item. Shocked

It is also becoming apparent that Archie is not using his monument of faith properly, given his constant complaining when his heart should be filled with joy. Or is it koi? Whatever.

Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:41 pm

Archie is suspicious that the Church might be playing with him:

Quote:

Hello brother Eric, I would like to see the items immediately Amazon delivers it to you. I want to be sure that you guys are not playing pranks with me.

Snap the items and send it to me before taking it to Pastor Moses for "shipping". Pastor Moses won't be able to do that due to his age.

I want appeal that you should be the one to send the package and item through DHL to me. I have sent the DHL address to Pastor Moses.

You this old folks are not smart with technology and things of this kind.

Please call me we need to talk, it's important.

He's definitely skeptical. Note the use of scare quotes on the word "shipping". We'll have to do something to reassure him.

For now, Eric is offended:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, what are you accusing me of here? How dare you suggest that I am playing pranks on you! I am doing you a big favor by ordering the items because Brother Roger could not do it, and now you tell me that I am playing pranks?! I am very offended!

Archie then got on Hangouts and started chatting with me. Eric said the same thing again, and Archie was contrite:

Quote:

Archie: It's just that, the membership process in to the church is getting Too Long
I am so sorry
I didn't mean to hurt you
I am frustrated
Please forgive me
I am truly sorry
Eric: it's ok
but really, it is not my fault that this is taking so long
I can't change when Amazon delivers the package with your items
and your the one who demanded the items
we could of sent the welcome package long ago except we have to wait for this
Archie: Yes
Has Amazon delivered it yet?
Eric: no, they sent me an email saying it would be delivered today, but I still don't see a package
I will call them and find out what is going on
Archie: Alright
Thanks
Like I said, I would like to see the pictures of the items before you give them to pastor Moses
Eric: I still don't really understand why you need that, but I will send you a picture
Archie: Alright
I will like to ask how the money will be sent
Is it through the bank
Or western union
Eric: Western union?
Why would anybody send money that way?
I will send it however Pastor Moses tells me to send it
Probably through the bank, but he may have a different idea
you would have to ask him
Archie: Alright
Eric: Anyway, I am going to go make dinner now, and then I will call Amazon to find out about the package
I will let you know what they tell me
May the Old Gods Bless You
Archie: Amen
And you also

At this point, Archie asked if he could call me, and I hurriedly logged off as if Eric left to go make dinner and didn't see the last message. I don't take calls, and it's probably better if I don't have to keep making excuses for it. Archie is skeptical enough as it is.

Meanwhile, Roger is still a day late on finding out about everything:

Quote:

Oh ok, that is good that Brother Eric has already ordered them. But I would still like to learn how to use the Amazing and order items for myself. May be if you show me how, than next time I would be able to do it myself without having to ask for help?

I will speak to Pastor Moses about the welcome package and the bake sale funds. I think he already knows about it, but I will make sure. I don't want their to be any more delays in you getting your membership package and the money for your community. (Actually, that's exactly what I want)

No response yet from Archie. I very much doubt he wants to teach a technologically illiterate senile old fool how to use Amazon from halfway across the world. Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1942

Quote:

this is taking extra time due to your special requests

Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:34 am

^^^ Ooh, yeah!
I think this reaaaally hurt him! Very hard! Laughing

Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 7:22 pm

Just catching up on this. Very nice work, Big X.

Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 1:06 am

^ Thanks, but I really couldn't do it without Mr L. He has added a lot of credibility to the bait with his masterful portrayal of the Pastor Moses character.

Eric tells Archie the package still hasn't come, so he will get Amazon to replace it:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, when I spoke to Amazon last night they told me to wait another day and if after that I still didn't receive the items yet, I should call them back so they can replace them by sending another package. The package still has not come, so I am going to call them now.

Honestly, I am very annoyed with Amazon, because they had sent me an email saying the package was delivered, but clearly it wasn't. So now we will have to wait for them to send it again. Hopefully they will be faster about it this time.

I don't think he will be happy about that. And as I expected, there was no response to Roger today. He has no interest in teaching Roger how to order things off Amazon. I don't blame him, neither would I. Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Archie finally realizes that he is the one who is causing the delays with his special requests.

Quote:

Good day Pastor,

Brother Eric couldn't get electronics delivered to him by Amazon.

I have told him not to bother anyone, I don't need the items anymore.

I can see that the items is delaying the establishment of the church over here.

It's been over one month that I have completed the faith monument and service hasn't been held. I don't think it's a good idea.

We need to start as soon as possible, the villagers are not happy.

Please Pastor, send me the welcome package and the $30,000 bake sale funds. So that we can start spreading the gospel of the old Gods.

Do I have to provide bank account in which the money will be sent into?

Best regards.

Unfortunately Pastor Moses is busy preparing for upcoming Sunday Services, and hasn't yet seen his request. We'll give Eric a couple more days to get this whole thing with Amazon sorted out...

Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:23 pm

Archie tells Eric not to bother:

Quote:

I appreciate your efforts and concern.

Please do not bother ordering for another one. If Amazon can't delivery the goods that you ordered online for over one week, I don't think there is a need to order for another.

I don't need the items anymore, cancel the order if you have already ordered it.

Please tell Pastor Moses to send the welcome package only, I won't be needing the other items anymore.

Eric tells him to wait another day:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, why do you want me to cancel the order now? Amazon says the items will be delivered tomorrow, so it seems silly to cancel it now. And you said the items were very important for you there. I think you should wait one more day. Maybe if it gets delayed beyond that I can cancel it.

I am about to leave to go to Services, I will speak to Pastor Moses about this when I see him. He will know what to do.

May the Old Gods Bless You

Meanwhile, Archie tells Roger the same thing:

Quote:

Good day Mr Roger,

please tell Pastor Moses to send the welcome package only. I don't need those other items anymore.

Brother Eric couldn't get the items delivered to him by Amazon.

It is delaying the establishment of the church over here. I don't need the items anymore.

Please tell Pastor to send the welcome package only so we can start our church over here.

Roger is annoyed by this because the Church already ordered the items:

Quote:

What, now your saying you don't need the electric items? I don't understand, why are you changing your mind like this? But Brother Eric already ordered them! What are we suppose to do with the items now? We wouldn't of ordered them if you hadn't asked us for them!

I will speak to Brother Eric about this. He will know what to do.

Archie bemoans the delays:

Quote:

I asked brother Eric not to bother ordering the items anymore because I think it is delaying the shipment of my welcome package for me to start our glorious church over here.

Its been over one week after he said he has ordered the items but it hasn't been delivered to him till now. I don't see need to keep waiting for him.

Also tell Pastor Moses when you get to the church that I am waiting for him to send my welcome package as he has promised. It's been 6 weeks after I have completed the faith monument.
Up till now no church service in my community, no bake sale funds released.

This is not good for the church.

He sounds incredibly frustrated. Laughing

Roger will reply tomorrow.

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Jan 2014 Posts: 144

Ahhh, the sweet whinings of a defeated scammer. Great job on this one! That monument bench is impressive, not so much the ratty bags. What is in those bags? Wonder if he really thinks his greed delayed the delivery of his package? He mentions a natural disaster in his town, is this factual or a story? Great story line.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 14 Oct 2017 Posts: 2

I just spent the past day discovering this thread and reading it completely from beginning to end!!! This is pure brilliance you guys keep up the good work!!!

Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:12 pm

Archie expresses his frustrations to Eric:

Quote:

Good day Mr Eric, I appreciate your efforts. I didn't mean to make you feel bad that you are helping me.

It's just that It has taken too long for items order within America is taken over one week to deliver.

Like you have said if they don't deliver it tomorrow Monday as you have said, please cancel the order.

I want you to help me tell Pastor Moses to please make sure that the welcome package is sent this week.

I can't wait any longer, my patience is running out.

Eric receives the package from Amazon, but is surprised to see two extra packages were delivered at the same time:

Quote:

Hello Brother Archie, I just got home and it's the strangest thing, I had three large boxes on my doorstep! I wasn't sure why I got so many packages, because I didn't order anything else from Amazon other than the items I ordered for you. But when I opened them up, all three packages had the items that you asked for! Isn't that crazy? Now I have three cameras, three video camcorders, and three printers!

I think may be they sent another package with the same items because I told them I didn't receive them the first time, and then the original package was delivered too. But I still don't understand how the third one got here. And I am not sure what I am going to do with the two extra sets of electronic items.

What do you think I should do? Do you have a use for the extra items? (I am sure he will tell me he does) Or should I give them to Pastor Moses so he can give them to charity? Either way, I will take the items to the Church Parish tonight and give them to Pastor Moses. You can coordinate with him on how he will send them to you.

Something like this has actually happened to me in real life. When I moved recently, I ordered a new wireless router off Amazon for my new place, and had it delivered to my old address before I left. Amazon sent me a notification that the package had been delivered, but it hadn't been. I called customer service the next day to complain that my package had gone missing, and they said they would send me a new one.

The next day I received a box with a router in it, and I thought that was the end of it, until the following day when I received another one. The day after that, a third router was delivered. And then the following week, a fourth one arrived! I was only charged for one, so I called them back to alert them of the mistake and see how I could return the extra routers, but they told me to just keep them. So I ended up giving a couple of them away to friends, and I still have one extra router. Laughing

Meanwhile, Roger tries to talk Archie out of canceling the order:

Quote:

I still don't understand. After all the trouble we went to get the items you wanted, now your saying you don't want them? Why didn't you said that before? It would of saved us so much bother.

And I really don't understand why your being so impatience. I talked to Brother Eric at Services yesterday and he said that the items should be delivered by the Amazing people today, so you won't even have to wait much longer. So why do you want to cancel them when your so close to getting what you wanted?

Archie is apologetic, and agrees to wait:

Quote:

Dear Roger, I am so sorry if was impatience with the items.

With my knowledge of ordering products online, it doesn't take long time.

I am surprised that brother Eric order from Amazon has taken more than a week. I was confused.

If truly that he will receive the items today, I will be glad.

Roger says he will ask Brother Eric if he has received the items:

Quote:

Well I don't know much about technicalities, of coarse, but I did talked to Brother Eric and he said he was also surprised it is taking so long cause usually the Amazing people are very quick at delivering packages. He thought it mite be cause of the problems from the hurricane that they aren't able to get the items here as quickly as normal.

Anyways, I don't know if he has received the package with your items yet, but I will call him today and ask him if he did. I am hoping he did received it and we can send the welcome package on to you soon.

Roger will be surprised to hear about the duplicated order also.

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