A Twit for TWAT - Still Lying, Still Lazy; Still a Lad

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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:17 pm

Meet Godwin.

He’s a tool. More importantly, though, he is also the Lead Minister of Nigeria and the newest supplicant of our favorite quasi-religious institution. How did he manage to rise to this august position? Well, that’s a bit of a story but – before we get to that – let’s introduce our baiters:

Anita: (played by bware) She’s 19, an early bloomer but a sheltered girl, and she is very dedicated to the womens’ sect of the TWAT.

Pastor Fuhquad: (played by TLH) He’s youngish, but a very highly placed regional minister within the TWAT. He serves as Godwin’s primary contact within the TWAT. (By the way, his name is pronounced foo-kwahd, not fuk-wahd.)

Rev. Phystme: (played by TLH) The founder of TWAT; we all know this guy, right?

Sal: (played by bware) Sal is the kind of guy you want to sit down and have a beer or three with. He’s pretty deep in the TWAT, but doesn’t take any of it all that seriously. He’s the guy who cuts through all of the ritualistic BS and tells Godwin about the money and goodies that are waiting for him.

There are also a few other characters related to the bait that are being played by Padme, but I’ll let her tell you about them…

ETA 04/10/16: Changed title

ETA 04/15/16: Changed title

ETA 05/02/16: Changed title

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:28 pm

So, how did Godwin get to where he is? He tried running several lad formats on various characters belonging to Padme and bware, with little to no luck. Then, after connecting with Anita, he fell for her but when he professed his love for her, she gave him the sad news that she was only allowed to date men in her church.

Godwin, being the man of honor that he is, immediately professed a deep and abiding faith in the TWAT and immediately offered to convert. But it’s never that simple, is it?

Anita spoke with the church elders, who sent Godwin an application and allowed Anita to break the good news that, if he became a member of the church, he would be allowed to take her as his wife. Anita was (understandably) excited and, in her desire to learn how to become a good wife, went to the grocery store and bought out the contents of a small produce department, to give her plenty of cucumbers and zucchinis to, well, practice on.

Unbelievably, that didn’t provide enough incentive for Godwin to fill out his application. However, when we later found out that Godwin had been previously taken in by another lad’s Illuminati scam, we knew we had our in. Phystme sent a cryptic (read: borderline psychotic) ASEM to Godwin, then played dumb when Godwin wrote back explaining the significance of the unblinking eye.

With that line of communication opened, Phystme and Godwin spoke. Phystme became very impressed with Godwin and promised to make him one of the leading ministers of Nigeria (provided, of course, that he submit his application and complete a simple initiation ritual). Godwin mistook this to mean that he would be named the Lead Minister of Nigeria. Since the TWAT church is nothing but flexible, so be it -- Godwin would become our Lead Minister (which would, of course, require an additional ordainment ceremony).

Shortly afterward, Godwin submitted his application to us and actually did a somewhat nice job on it. Please pay special attention to page 9, where he drew a pretty convoluted-looking org chart. Isn’t it nice when lads walk into something already expecting it to be confusing beyond belief?

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:30 pm

Anyway, upon receipt of his application, the church was suitably impressed and offered Godwin its standard Lead Minister employment package – salary, benefits, vehicle allowance, a new assistant/wife, the possibility of building a new cathedral, and so on. Godwin actually got a little worried about accepting this level of responsibility and went to Sal for advice. Sal told him that Lead Minister was a party position, where all he needed to do was sit back, wait for the money to roll in, and to have his underlings do all the work. Sal also spilled the beans about the awesomeness of the FIRE conference. Done deal; Godwin was in.

As a new initiate, Godwin was assigned a mentor, an experienced minister in the church who would be there to help answer any questions Godwin may have and to coach him through the church’s initiation process. (All of which sounds vaguely familiar to something.) This mentor was Fuhquad who (we later learned) requested that he be named Godwin’s mentor. After a bit of bonding and “getting-to-know-you”, we decided the time was right and sent Godwin the documentation for the first initiation ritual.

We decided to mix things up a bit so, instead of building the classic TWAT pyramid, we required something equally laborious and almost as pointless – the excavation of the “Sacred Gash”, a two-meter deep hole of the following shape and dimensions.

So, how is Godwin doing? We recently received these pictures so, while things are going slowly, they are definitely progressing.

So far, aside from some of Anita’s more off-color IMs, the majority of our individual interactions with Godwin haven’t been terribly interesting or funny. Once we start getting funnier responses, we will begin publishing our correspondence but, for the time being, it will probably be easier for us to just keep posting summaries and pictures as we follow our newest convert and his journey to the glory of the TWAT.

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:57 pm

:rubbing hands gleefully:

I'm going to enjoy following this one! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 11:34 pm

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 11:54 pm

Pass the popcorn Mattaz. TWAT baits of some of my very favorite things! TLH and crew, this is amazing!

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 12:29 am

Heh! You actually got this Lad to dig himself into a hole in the ground Very Happy

Great work!

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 17 Aug 2014 Posts: 93

Is he digging a grave for himself? He might need it after his potential suffering.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 2:41 am

Great start! Am looking forward to Godwin learning the true joy of ISIS and TWAT membership. Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 4:00 am

Looking forward to see how this progresses. I think it's hilarious you have the lad digging a random hole in the jungle. Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

I notice that the sacred gash has precise height and width measurements, but nowhere does it indicate the "holy depth" at which he must plunge. Very Happy

Looking forward to seeing this lads progress...

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:20 am

Oh dear, this has all sorts of possibilities. Very much looking forward to seeing the tribulations he will face on the way to true TWAT enlightenment.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:42 am

From the pictures, it looks like he's already waist deep in his Sacred Gash.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 12:03 pm

Here are some of the beginning conversations between Godwin as he came to know Anita and Sal...

Anita: Hello.
Godwin: how are you doing ?
Anita: I am great with all GRACE 2 HIM!
Godwin: yeah, Awww! glad to hear that
Anita: Can u tell me about u? I've been asked 2 get 2 know u.
Godwin: yeah
Anita: Yeah what?
Godwin: I am usually described as a very humorous gentleman. Having what I can only describe as a "witty" sense of humour often means that people mistake me for the joker of the pack.
Godwin: you are free to ask me anything that you want to know about me and i will gladly tell you
Anita: Tell me about ur relationship with HIM?
Godwin: what is HIM?
Anita: GOD.
Anita: I'm spectacle if you don't know that.
Godwin: wow i didn't really know that you were refering to God
Godwin: I love him and believe in him
Anita: And ur relationship with him?
Godwin: I am a Christian and i believe in him
Anita: Why do u want 2 join our church?
Godwin: i want to join your Church because of you and believe that it is religious platform who worship God
Anita: Well any church can be a religious platfor to worship a god. Doing it 4 me is a pretty poor reason, 2.
Godwin: you were the one who introduced the church to me and i believe thatyou are the reason
Anita: I am aware of my introduction, but u need 2 do this 4 U!
Godwin: it is up to you to tell me about your Church
Godwin: i know that my dear
Anita: What do u want 2 know?
Godwin: That is why i want you to take me along with you
Godwin: about your Church and how you people operates
Godwin: Even when i am here in Africa
Anita: What about it and how it perates?
Godwin: yeah
Godwin: Because i will love to meet you in person one of this days
Anita: Did u ever send in ur application? It's been so long and u never want 2 tlak at me that I can't recall.
Godwin: yeah, i have but i haven't completed it yet
Godwin: But will do that and put my photos as soon as possble cos Vacation is over
Anita: Where were u vaccinating
Godwin: I mean vacation at the capital city of my Country
Anita: What is the name of that?
Godwin: Abuja
Anita: I like that name. Kinda cute.
Godwin: yeah, it is a lovely place to be
Godwin: And it was fun too
Anita: Nice. U relly need 2 get the application completed. We r trying to spread TWAT all over the world.
Godwin: okay, i will do that by next week
Anita: K. Other questions about how things work?
Anita: Anything?
Godwin: yeah
Anita: k
Godwin: Will i ever meet you in person ?
Godwin: And when it gonna happen ?
Anita: I would expect u would as we have several anal conferences I always attend.
Godwin: okay that is nice
Godwin: why did you choose that we have chat here Yim ?
Anita: I am not supposed 2 use FB at work, but have 2 use YIM with various clients.
Godwin: okay love
Godwin: Have you ever fall in love with a man before ?
Anita: Of course not, silly.
Anita: THE TWAT requires I remain faithful 2 HIM only until married.
Godwin: wow, and i guess that i am the right man for you right
Anita: That is 2 be decided by the Elders. They help all gurl members find the right husband.
Godwin: Cos i am beginning to love you and feel very comfortable while chatting with you
Anita: I cannot accept that at this point, unfortunately, even if ur a good looking man.
Godwin: And i guess that was what attracted you to me right ?
Godwin: I will love to start up a beautiful relationship with you
Anita: I am not allowed 2 attract a man.
Godwin: wow, That means that you aren't allow to make your choice then and express what you feel for a man
Anita: For my luv, u will have 2 speak to the Reverand regarding this. He's plays a crucial part in deciding my husband 2 be.
Anita: Not 4 any man outside the Church. So far, I have been told, due to my homliness and planeness, I am not ready 2 be married, although I am older than most of the married gurlz.
Godwin: wow that is okay
Godwin: i will write to him then and express what i am feeling for you to him
Godwin: i have been communicating with him, you know
Anita: I knew I was instructed 2 get 2 know u.
Anita: Maybe he has plans.
Anita: It is as HE wants done.

Godwin: hi baby
Anita: So tell me about the application.
Godwin: I am attaching the photos at the moment as soon as i am done with that , i will submit
Anita: How difficult is it 2 tape them 2 the page?
Anita: Here r instructions I use when scrapebooking: http://scrapbookingcoach.com/how-to-adhere-photos-correctly/
Godwin: okay
Godwin: i will go through it
Anita: U have more questions?
Anita: Were they answered by the elderlys?
Godwin: i have sent them a reply
Anita: K. No questions 4 me?
Godwin: no
Godwin: how was your weekend ?
Anita: Very good. I prayed alots and helped the poor motherless kiddies.
Anita: And urs?
Godwin: Aww that is cool
Anita: Praying is what all the cool kids do!
Godwin: mine was just bored, was thinking about you
Anita: What were u thinking?
Godwin: Thinking about you
Godwin: wishing that you were online to chat with me
Anita: Oh. Yeah. I don't get permissions 4 the weekend.
Anita: The Church says the computers and tvs can corrupt a girl's instable minds. So, I concentrated deeply on how I can get more TWAT.
Godwin: okay that is good
Anita: Yes. I dove in head first. It's important to stay up to date and remember all of it.

Sal: Interesting. SEEMS some people we have in common know you to be a liar and shit poor business dealer.
Godwin: Anita is just a lady trying to lend me into her church
Godwin: That is all
Sal: Yeah. I know her church. I do some business with them and am connected to them. Just go and fuck off.
Godwin: you are just trying to make me look bad here dude and that is not fair
Sal: You made yourself look bad.
Godwin: I know that by failing to deliver your product to you
Godwin: But i have explained everything to you and remember that you were the one that asked me to take them back when i was close to delivering them to you
Godwin: why are you trying to put all the whole blame on me now
Sal: I no longer see you as a real man. What do your parents think of you? Fuck dude. Looks like you lie to everybody, fail in all you do, and will never be a success. I'll bet stupid ass Anita has more money in her purse than you've ever seen and you're a dude while she's just some chick. Fuck!
Sal: And I blame you because your bank accounts failed. It is all on you dude. Always has been. The costumer is always right.
Godwin: yeah i know that customers are always right
Godwin: But all i am asking of you is to pay half of the fee that i spend on my flight to make the delivering to you
Sal: N - O.
Godwin: But you told me that if i send you the flight ticket that you will pay me half of the money
Sal: Yeah. But that's not a ticket.
Godwin what you mean that it is not a ticket
Godwin That was my ticket okay
Sal: Dude, you can look and see that's not even been paid for. Go, take your head, smash it against some rocks, then find a 10 year old girl to teach you how to do business once you're finished helping your mommy wash the dishes.
Godwin: ok
Godwin: I can only see that you wanna pay me the money that is why you are making me to look here but it is not good
Sal: Well, your eye doesn't work then, if that's what you see. I know an eye that sees all and I know you're fucked in your thinking.
Godwin: i can see but you are the one making me to look bad here
Sal: You make yourself look bad dude. I can see that and you should be able to see all that 2. Not my fault you are setting yourself up to be an idiot for your entire life. Poor decisions dude. Have a rethink.
Godwin: a rethink about what dude ?
Godwin: Remember that i was close to deliver the product to you before you told me to return them
Sal: Your decisions and what you see as your future versus the shit life you're setting up right now if you continue on this fucktard path of idiocy.
Sal: Close doesn't count dude. I've been close to dying, but I didn't. Move on.
Godwin: you are right and thanks for the advise too
Godwin: but you can still pay me half of my flight fee if you want to cos i try so hard to make that i stick to my own part of the bargain
Sal: I don't want to. Why would I pay for YOU?
Godwin: I spend the a lot paying the supplier that brought the product for me and my flight ticket too to make sure that you get them
Sal: But I didn't get them.
Sal: Ask me to pay for something I never received one more time and I will Block you.
Godwin: Were you not the person that asked me to take them back ?
Godwin: i wanted to bring them to you but you refused
Sal: Obviously, I can see you fuck up in all your dealings.
Godwin: Will love to know more about Anita's Church
Godwin: Do you think that i should join them ?
Sal: Dude I can't say shit about it, but I joined that church and am now in an offshoot branch of it that is for businessmen. The movers and shakers. This is the kinda fucking leadership you need to succeed. If they will even have your dumb ass.
Godwin: yeah, i am filling out there membership form now
Godwin: will soon be a member too
Sal: Piece of cake to join. There's some intiation shit but it's easy and well worth it. Wouldn't have my own jet without them.
Godwin: That is good to know

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 2:27 pm

kishnabe wrote:

Is he digging a grave for himself? He might need it after his potential suffering.

Nice catch, kishnabe! Since the lad is going to be "digging himself into a hole" throughout his ordainment, we did more or less use the dimensions of a grave. The shape of the hole was influenced by ... something else.

Mr. Labowski wrote:

I notice that the sacred gash has precise height and width measurements, but nowhere does it indicate the "holy depth" at which he must plunge. Very Happy

Funny you should mention that...

From the TWAT 2.0 manual:
You will soon learn that your faith will greaten the deeper you dig. Should you need to take a break, take a moment to sit back and enjoy the growth of your faith, and then continue to expand the Sacred Gash (and your faith).

How deep should you make your Sacred Gash? We recommend it be at least 2 meters, but it is not for us to determine the depth of your faith.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:51 pm

The irony of him physically digging himself into a hole is hilarious....you couldn't make up such things....

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 7:25 pm

A quick note from Godwin, and a few more pictures:

Quote:

Good to read from you again.
Hope you are doing good today ?
I just got a message from <Phystme> about the FIRE conference been shifted to Middle April and I guess that is good for everyone so that we will have time to prepare for the traveling and so on.
I have finished my initiation ritual and have completed the depth of my Sacred Gash to 2 meter deep.
Here are some pictures of the Sacred Gash and the sacks filled with the dirty and sand during the process.

I still need to ask for some additional pics and proof that it meets the size requirements. I think he might have to dig a bit deeper, since there seems to be a pretty sharp grade on one side of the hole. Still, I'm not displeased. He actually did a pretty good job. And, in an homage to the original TWAT, I asked him to place all of his excess dirt in a bunch of bags, to gather up all of the bags, to place them in a large pile and to imagine them to be a proud representation of his faith. It might not be a pyramid but it's still a nice monument to his twathood.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:22 pm

I'll definitely be keeping my eyes on this thread Smile

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:27 pm

It's been too long since we have seen a good twat. I think it's fair to say that this twat is in good hands.

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 8:35 pm

This Lad clearly hadn't heard the old saying, "If you're in a hole, stop digging".

This is going to be a classic!

Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 1:50 am

Anita is sidelined in another bait so can't go online, but she should return tomorrow. Meanwhile, Sal reaches out to the Twit.

Note that Sal does use some rather foul language. The conversation is probably NSFW.

Godwin: I just got a message that the FIRE conference have been shifted to middle April
Sal: That news is good.
Godwin: yeah bro so that everyone would have time to prepare for the traveling
Sal: Sweet dude. You been initiated yet?
Godwin: i have completed my initiation ritual and waiting for the council to marked it as successfully completed my Initiation Ritual.
Sal: How are they marking it if you're doing it there bro?
Godwin: i have spend them all the necessary photos that they requested
Sal: Pics of what?
Godwin: pics of me while performing the ritual
Sal: Which ritual bro?
Godwin: my initiation ritual
Sal: Ah. So you're approved and everything is good for you to be the Lead in your country?
Sal: Nice dude.
Godwin: yeah sure
Sal: That's not real convincing dude. They got you hooked up with your wife yet?
Godwin: No , i haven't heard from her for a while now
Sal: Dude, you're leaving it to a woman to take care of the relationship? A woman that's never been in one?
Sal: WTF dude?
Godwin: wow, i think you are right
Godwin: I haven't really thought about that for a while now
Sal: You're going to fuck around and let her fine ass stray dude. Next thing you know, she's slobbing some other dude's knob!
Godwin: Lol, you are right but from now on am not gonna let that happen
Sal: Dude, how have you survived without me or a mentor around?
Godwin: it hasn't really been easy for me though and i must confess to you that you have really helped me a lot
Sal: What hasn't been easy dude?
Godwin: living without a mentor or you all this while
Sal: I will lead you to some serious shit, dude!
Godwin: ok that is cool and will be very grateful bro
Sal: I guess I owe you that for the bad transaction dude. You got to be sure and not do anything stupid, though, ok dude?
Godwin: ok i won't
Godwin: I won't do anything stupid
Too late, dude!
Sal: When did you talk to your mentor last bro?
Godwin: it was yesterday
Sal: Sweet. What's your next step dude?
Godwin: i am waiting for my mentor to tell me what next when he might have heard from the Council so that i will know what is next to do
Sal: Sweet dude.
Godwin: yeah
Sal: He might like it if you're proactive dude. You can't wait for good shit to happen. Take the goat by the horns!
Godwin: yeah, you are right
Godwin: what do you think that i should do next
Sal: Fuck dude! It's obvious. Ask him the way forward and get that fine ass Anita on your jock dude!
Sal: You need to be a take charge man, now. Step up and be a big boy!
Godwin: ok i will do exactly that bro
Sal: Good thinking dude!
Godwin: Yeah it is and i think that you are the man
Sal: In our relationship, I am dude!
Godwin: oh i see and do you prefer that i call you that ?
Sal: Bro, you can call me whatever you want, just don't call me late to dinner!
Godwin: wow ok that is cool

Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:23 am

So Godwin is masquerading in a gay romance scam, an ISIS initiation, a TWAT initiation and is himself the former victim of a fellow guymans illuminati scam?

And he is digging a grave in his backyard...

This is a lad with a very poor grip on reality. Talk about potential! I can see this going very, very far!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

^^This lol. He's fucked.

Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 10:27 am

Can't wait to see where this goes-is he digging to China?

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