Transexual Vicars & Merkins Part 1

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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:42 pm

Intrigued by the title?

Right, second bait started, 1st bait published. I've tried hard to get it posted on geocities etc. but my work web restrictions mean I can't sort it.
edit - thanks Mort for uploading my modest trophies

Big thanks to my mentor Zapmaster who has been patient with me and provided some very good advice and some very funny ideas. Also thanks to all the baiters who's ideas I've ripped off! Any comments welcome - I have thick skin so will accept constructive comments!

I do all sorts of things wrong in the beginning and am a little cautious. If you speed read / skim then zoom about a third of the way down and my confidence grows. By the end he has:

1. Provided me a lovely form and told me about his pet dog Bingo and some "marmalades" in the forest
2. Congratulated a retired vicar on his sex change
3. Countless e-mails over a 2 month period (i haven't posted them all)
4. Send me some funny fake pictures (of the "flat head cut out" variety)
5. Believes I have sold my secretary as a slave to a Libyan Sheik
6. Met me at the airport, hotel (twice) and chased me round his home town believing I am within his grasp

Good Guys
Honely Kiding - retired vicar who likes the feel of a cassock
Melissa - "Save The Merkin" charity worker
Daniel La Rue - Charity head

Bad Guys
Zongo Musa - Burkina Faso scammer
Drissa et al - lots of various banks, lawyers etc.

Here we go

Quote:

4th October

FROM THE DESK OF MR ZONGO MUSA
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK INTERNATIONAL OF BURKINA (B.I.B)
OUAGADOUGOU,BURKINA FASO
My private e-mail: [email protected]

DEAR FRIEND,

First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction.This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET. However after series of petition was recieved by this present regime from foreign contractors for the inability of the BANK INTERNATIONAL OF BURKINA (B.I.B) to fulfill their obligation for the payment to its foreign creditors. in conjunction with the council of ministers, has mandated us to carry out a careful and comprehensive review of all overdue payments to foreign contractors and to effect payments immediately.

yadda yadda, dead family (George Brumley) next of kin etc.

<http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html>

Honely responds

Quote:

Dear Mr Zongo Musa,

It is with sadness that we must discuss the death of the prominent philanthropists the Brumleys. It was truly a sad day that must even have had our Lord Jesus Christ shed a tear.

I work for a Charity saving rare animals across the world and these kind of funds would really help us in our fight against the poachers and traffickers. Lord be praised when I received this e-mail!

How can I help? We are a wealthy charity so can process this through one of our many cash accounts.

Regards
Kiding, Honely (Rev ret.)

Script response from Zongo perhaps?

Quote:

Dear HONELY

This money in question is in suspense account No18463464711. with our bank and I am the bill and exchange manager.

The original account holder was Dr. George W. Brumley, An Atlanta Nationality who naturalized in Burkina Faso for 11 years as a contactor with Economic Community Of West African States (ECOWAS).

A) Name of the Deceased and his wife�..Dr. George W. Brumley, Mrs. Jean Brumley
B) Nationality��.Atlanta (is that a country now?)
C) Occupation��Contractor With ECOWAS
D) Address��No.40 Boulevard Pedro, Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
E) Died Of What ?�� Plane Crash
F) Where did the Plane Crash Happened ?.. in Kenya, East Africa
G) Account Number��18463464711.
H) Account Secret Code��B412310
I) Was he Married ?..............Yes

NB: With all these information, you will be declare as the next of kin to the deceased customer and the fund will be transfer into your account

So fill the application and send it to the bank and you should always communicate with me through this my private telephone number00226 76 66 59 65 or by email and as soon as the fund is confirm in your account then, I will come over to meet you in your country for an investment with my share.

please this information is very important and confidential. fill the application and send it to the bank and you should call me 00226 76 66 59 65 for more details.

Best Wish
ZONGO MUSA

Honely begins to question things

Quote:

Dear Zongo,

I thought you were the Banker? Who are these bankers? What form do you mean? - you didn't attach one.

I do not have a lot of business experience but this seems irregular.

Do you have any form of ID Zongo? I really need more proof as this is all moving a little too fast for a retired vicar like myself.

Do I need to let my bank know about this? Whenever I request any funds from the bank I usually have to fill in lots of forms.

I'm sorry if I'm asking silly questions - just want to make sure the deal goes through and we save some animals.

Yours Kiding, Honely (Rev ret.)

I get several bank e-mails to dull to publish -Honely gives in a little easily � but he is new to all this!

Quote:

ATTN: MR VINCENT SHERIFF

Sir

APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE AND SUBSEQUENT TRANSFER OF MY INHERITANCE FUNDS OF US$10.5 MILLION FROM ACCOUNT NUMBER 18463464711.

I am the brother and next of kin to late Dr. George W. Brumley, your deceased customer who held the above account number with your bank, and whodied in kenya plane crash.

I discovered the said account details in my late brother bedroom in Atlanta,and as his next of kin I humbly appeal to your esteemed office to release and transfer these funds into my nominated receiving bank Account detail stated below.

1) Your Bank Name Royal Clerical Ltd
2) Your Bank Address 18 Soho Square, London, W1 2RD
3) Your Phone Number n/a
4) Your Fax Numbers (001)206-203-3119 (good old K7!)
5) Bank Account Number 87563476
6) Receiving Country UK
7) E-Mail......... .................... [email protected]
Cool

Your Profession.................. Animal Saver (Retired Cleric)
9) Your Age......................... 67

I shall appreciate your prompt attention to this application as I solemnly promise to abide by all your protocol and transactional requirements.

Yours Sincerely,
Kiding Honely (Rev ret.)

Honely has sent details � now starts to demand

Quote:

Zongo,

I have sent the information to your attorney - but I must insist on some form of ID from you now. I feel like you have ignored my previous e-mail entirely.

I am eager to deposit the funds with our Animal Charity (Save the Merkin)
but really must insist that you send me something other than an e-mail.

Do you have a picture? any ID? You must see why this is necessary.

Regards
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.)

Quote:

DEAR GOOD FRIEND HONELY

PLEASE I AM VERY SORRY TO REPLY LATE DUE TO I WAS SO BUSSY IN MY OFFICE. I WILL SEND TO YOU MY BANK ID OR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT.

I WILL DO SO WHEN I AM LEES BUSY IN THE OFFICE TODAY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU CAN REACH ME ON MY LINE ANY TIME 00226 76 66 59 65

LASTLY, THE BANK IS HAVING MEETING IN THE BANK CONCERNING YOUR APPLICATION AND IF THEY CONTACT YOU, KINDLY LET ME KNOW OK SO THAT I WILL ADVICE YOU ON WHAT TO SAY OR DO.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
MR. KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

I also get this note from one of the various banks etc. � which I shall ignore

Quote:

Attn: Honely,

Compliment of the season:

We the Board of Directors of this Bank wish to inform you that, your
official message sent to this bank for the claiming of the balance sum
of US$10.5m of your late brother Dr. George Brumbly have been received
and after the bank official meeting held in the bank this morning
concerning your inheritance fund of US$10.5M, we do hereby to inform you
that, the following questions should be answer by you and forward it
back to this bank within 48 hours.

A) What is the name of the Deceased ?.........
B) What is the name of his wife ?�.................
C) His Nationality ?��....................
D) His Occupation ?��.......
E) He Died Of What ?��
F)Which account was he operating in this bank ?........
G) How many Children have he ?..............
H) Where is the wife and children ?

Finally, on the receipt of the answers to this official questions, then fund will be transfer into your account immediately. You are advised to treat this issue very urgent by reaching this Bank with the answers soonest.

Your urgent attention to this message will be highly appreciated.

Thanks,
Mr. Vincent Sheriff,

I�m buggered if I�m filling that in � I also get a passport and a request from Zongo

Quote:

DEAR HONELY,
>
>SEE MY PASSPORT AND PLEASE SEND ME YOUR OWN PASSPORT SO THAT WE CAN KNOW EACH OTHER.
>
>THANKS
>MR.K.ZONGO MUSA (K? where did that come from?)

It�s fake � but not that bad actually apart from his name changing � can�t be bothered to complain

Quote:

Zongo,

I feel so much better now having seen some ID. Kombore is a name you have introduced. Do I call you Zongo or Kombore? I have a middle name Justin or "Just" for short - but I don't like to use it. (Just Kiding???)

I am getting a relative to scan my passport. I'm afraid this new technology is all a bit beyond me. Bear with me - I should have it with you tomorrow I'm sure.

One other request - can we turn off Caps Lock? My eyesight is not what it was and sometimes when I am staring at all the letters my eyes dry up completely and I have to think of something sad to get them going. (I never get him to do this � mainly because I never follow through � but for the readers sake I have changed sections of the text)

I�m a bit keen here � I send a MS paint passport so compressed it must have a total of 30 pixels (but this seems not to matter!)

Quote:

Mr Musa,

I attach my passport for you to see who I am. I would appreciate you telling me a little bit about yourself - family? what is the area you live in like?

Ideally, with my interest in saving wild animals, you could tell me more about the animals that are in your area - Do you have any Merkin? Are there Horses or Dogs in your area? Do you have any pets?

Anyway - here is the passport - let me know the next steps to completing the deal.

Regards
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.)

Zongo is pleased � why am I stalling with the bank?

Quote:

DEAR HONELY
>
I thank you so much for the passport you sent to me and i so much love that effort. I want to know if the bank have contacted you since you submitted the application to the bank.
>
>tell me what is going on between you and the bank ?
>
I wait for your reply and there is many animals here but we shall
>come to that soon. My name is mr.kambore zongo musa. I use kambore as midle name but you can call me mr.k.z.musa.
>
>thanks and god bless you.
>MR.KAMBORE MUSA ZONGO

I�m a very confused elderly person

Quote:

Mr K.Z. Musa.

I hope i have not embarrassed you about the middle name. I did not mean to offend you - still it could be shirley or something REALLY embarrassing.

Listen - sent the bank information (but not their questions!) on Tuesday but heard nothing. I hope the deal is not off. Let me know before end of today, I wouldn't want to be worrying all weekend.

I appreciate you want to get the business in hand before we talk about animals - but to me the two go hand in hand. Anyway - let me know what the bank says.

Yours
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.) (I attach the original e-mail giving my made up bank details)

Zongo is being very patient with me

Quote:

DEAR GOOD FRIEND HONELY,

I am not ofended at all. I perceived you are good enough to transact and be friendly with. You have no problem and i will help you to get animals as you want if you are willing to coperate with me.

I confirmed from the secretary to mr.vincent sheriff about your application and she informed that, the bank sent to you some official questionnaire which you have not answered to them.

Please call the bank on their line 00226 76 61 75 41 to know what is going on. I will aways inform you to keep the animal business apart for now because if we follow the two business at the same time, we may make mistake but as soon as this fund is transaction into your account then, i will meet you in your country and we move to africa here to locate the animals. There are many animals find here in the forest. So follow up with the bank and get back to me.

THANKS
MR.K.ZONGO MUSA
TEL:00226 76 66 59 65

Again � I�m a bit keen here but the bank sent me the questions again three times and I wanted to get on

Quote:

Zongo,

Good morning to you. The mysteries of the bank seem to have been sorted out - did you have a word with them?

Can you help me answer these questions? I don't want to make any mistakes when we have so much at stake.

Thanks for all your comments on the animals. My charity colleagues here have recently set up a large operation in Benin close to Ajahoume. We care for many sick animals there that have been injured. They have asked me if you are interested in setting something similar up in your area- - there are generous grants to undertake this work - let me know.

Regards
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.)

(I attach the answers / questions underneath)
Zongo responds � and he is keen on setting up a sanctuary!

Quote:

Dear good friend honely,

i got your message and i saw what you received from the bank. Again, i thank you for reaching me without attending the questions and make mistake. That is good of you.

Well, i did not discuss any thing with the bank because if they know that, i contacted you in this transaction, i will be in trouble. So do not let the bank notice that, i contacted you to claim this fund until the fund is transfered into your account.

Below is the requested answers:

A) What is the name of the Deceased ?.........LATE DR.GEORGE BRUMLEY
B) What is the name of his wife ?.................MRS.JEAN BRUMLEY
C) His Nationality ?....................ATLANTA,U.S.A
D) His Occupation ?.........CONTRACTOR WITH ECOWAS
E) He Died Of What ?.................PLANE CRASH
F)Which account was he operating in this bank ?.......CURRENT ACCOUNT.
G) How many Children have he ?..............THREE CHILDREN
H) Where is the wife and children ? ALL DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HIM IN THE
PLANE CRASH

copy the answers and send it to the bank immediately.

Finally, i am making an enquires for the animals and i will be travelling to bobo a nearby city to arrange for the house where the animals will be keep as soon as the transfer is made into your account.

So contact the bank and hurry them up to transfer your fund into your account so that we can go into the animal business and that is a very good business and i promise to work hard concerning this business.

I waiting to hear from you soon.

THANKS
MR.K.ZONGO MUSA

I dutifully forward them (boring e-mail not shown) and also stated I was very upset about the death � they respond

Quote:

Attn: Honely,

We received the answers and you are advised to send us your bank swift code immediately and put your fax line "On" for the faxing of your transfer Slip.

Finally,we are very sorry for the death of your brother and we sympathized with your family. (That is so touching)

Yours Faithfully,
Dr.Gespard Ouedraogo,
Director General(BIB)
Tel:00226 76 61 75 41

This then arrives from the Telex Dept � I think I should be confused again!

Quote:

Attn: Honely,

Your file have been shifted to this department for the immediate transferring of your inherited fund of US$10.5m into your account.

You are strongly advised to reconfirm your bank routing code as to enable us signal the fund into your account. You should only contact us through this address.

Yours Sincerly,
Mr.Ibrahim Khalif
Director General,
Telex Department(BIB)

Very confused and worried!

Quote:

Zongo,

I am a bit worried - I have received a note from the "Telex Department"
asking me to re send and re-confirm my bank details. It looks like someone
has hi-jacked this deal and is trying to get our money.

Do you know this person? I'm a little confused.

I am very worried about this now - it's seems a little odd.

Yours Honely

Zongo re-assures me � subject was �reply OK to Telex Dept!�

Quote:

Dear honely,

good morning to you all. (Is there more than one of me?)

I got your mail and i asked in the bank concerning what you told me and I was made to understand that, the fund have been approved to you as the next of kin to late dr.george brumley and the bank sent your information to the telex department for the transfering of the fund into your account.

I was also told that, the telex needed your bank swift code so that they will transfer the fund into your account through "telegraphic transfer (tt)" so send them the swift code of your bank but if your bank did not have swift code, you can write to the telex department by informing them to transfer the fund into your account by non swift transfer.

I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you do so and take note: i am arraging for the animals and i want us to be fast in this transaction so that we can invest this fund in the animal business.

I want to know the area you will like us to keep the animals ? Contact the bank and ask them to transfer your fund immediately and get back to me.

Thanks and god bless you.
Mr.k.z.musa

Melissa enters the fray (we are two weeks in now)

Quote:

Dear Mr K.Z. Musa,

My colleague Honely has passed your details to me as a potential Animal Sanctuary candidate.

We have set one up a fantastic sanctuary in Benin but since the original flurry of activity we are having difficulty in getting in touch. It may be that our partner in Benin is using the grant to contact lots of builders and contractors in the area (i.e we have been scammed before and are gullible as hell)
This is why we are really keen on your idea of one in Bobo. Is this something you want to pursue? If it is the case I can forward you the application form. We have started a website on http://savethemerkin.20megsfree.com/- - - it's only small at the moment so bear with us while we update � hopefully your Bobo sanctuary can help provide lots of pictures!

Let me know if you wish to proceed - I appreciate that Honely has a large
business deal and our grant is only $5,000 - but it is for a good cause!

Yours
Melissa
Campaign Co-ordinator �Save the Merkin�

Zongo is not exactly super keen

Quote:

>Attn: Melissa
>Campaign Co-ordinator

This is to inform you that,Your message was received and I am very much interest to invest in your company and I will get back to you soon because I am making an enquiries for the animals in Bobo.
Please give me some days to finalise and get back to you.

>Thanks
>Mr.K.Z Musa

Zongo forwards the note above to me and asks for advice � ah.. sweet.

Quote:

Zongo,

I'll let Melissa know you are keen - but keep our deal separate. There is no need to copy me in as Melissa doesn't know what we are talking about.

I have just told her that I have an important business deal going through with you - DONT TELL HER ABOUT THE MILLIONS!

Lets face it, the $5000 1st stage grant from "Save the Merkin" is nothing compared to our deal.

I'm sorting out the swift code details for the Telex Department but my bank are being really slow in response to me. It may take a few days.

Regards
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.)

Melissa instils a little worry � I need to get him off script!

Quote:

Dear Mr Muza,

Thanks for your message - I'm really excited about this.

Remember though we don't want any dealings with any animal traders. Those people are evil.

I don't want any investment from you - just your time. (lots of that!) We intend to offer you a grant (Stage 1 $5,000 USD) when you become a member of "Save the Merkin" not the other way around.

Let me know when you have an idea of a site in Bobo.

Honely seems very upset today - I hope your business deal is still going smoothly.

Yours Melissa

Zongo jumps to action

Quote:

dear Honely,

I received the below message from Melissa and what is the meaning of " honely seems very upset today - i hope your business deal is still going smoothly.� do you let her know of this transaction ? what it the problem over there ? is your family alright ? i am worried about her message. reply soon and tell me also how far you have gone with the bank for the transferring of the fund into your account.

please let us be very fast because time is runing out. i wait for your urgent call 00226 76 66 59 65

thanks and god bless you. mr.k.z.musa

I�m busy at work so stall him � need to think of a new story!

Quote:

Zongo

Don't worry - I have said nothing to Melissa about the deal. She is a lovely woman but can be driven by her emotions - it is best not to let women become too involved in business generally. (this comment may appear ironic later)
I have some family concerns at the moment - not connected to our deal. I should have the swift code tomorrow - I can then send this to the Telex Department. My bank is being slow.

Meanwhile the bank ploughs on despite no Swift Code � Here is the money demand! At least I delayed them by over 2 weeks

Quote:

Attn:Honely,

Following the answers to our official questionnaire, which you forwarded to us and we have granted approval to you as the next of kin to our deceased customer Late Dr.George Brumley.

Therefore, We have been trying to signal the fund into your account but all effort failed due to your late brother's account have been Dormant because he have not being operating the account for so long now and as such, you are advised to re-activate the dormant account with the sum of US$4,000 only.(Four Thousand United States Dollars)

The required amount should be paid through western union money transfer in the name of our financial secretary MR.GIFT NWAOSU or by Money Gram so that we will re-open the dormant account of your brother and carry on the transfer into your account within 24 hours.

Finally, as soon as the required fee is received, we will reactivate your late brother's account and transfer the fund (US$10.5m) into your account.

We look forward to receive the re-activating fee so that we will do the needful.

Yours Faithfully,
For:Bank international Of Burkina (BIB)

Mr.Ibrahim Khalif

I respond � I thought at this point I would go for a quick WU visit and that would be it � but no�

Quote:

Dear Mr Khalif,

Thank you for the reminder. I will be getting the funds together shortly to arrange for this.

I have to go into Hospital later today for a small procedure / operation. I will be out of action for 3 days I'm afraid. This gives me chance to raise the funds as well.

I trust this does not put the transfer into any danger. I cannot delay the hospital trip. I have been looking forward to it for some time.

All being well I should have the funds with you by Monday. (yeh right)

Thank you for your patience
Honely Kiding (Rev ret.)

A quick note to Zongo � let�s start to give some clues as to what is going on

Quote:

My friend Zongo,

All is going well. The Telex department does not seem to require the Swift code and we are proceeding without it. I have to arrange for a (quite large!) account activation fee. I shall have these funds on Monday so will send them then.

As you know I used to be Reverend Honely as a younger man and have always missed being a vicar. The thing I most miss is the cassocks that we wore, the swirling cloth perhaps. Anyway, my mind recently has been taken with this and I, as part of this, am having to go into hospital for a small operation later today - DO NOT WORRY. It is reasonably routine and the plastic surgeon says that it is 100% risk free.

All being well I shall be sending the money via Western Union on Monday and then we can all retire happily as wealthy men and women. (men and women? What do I mean?)
Yours
Honely

Melissa takes over the bait as honely has his little operation � can you tell what it is yet? � 1st a note from Zongo to Melissa

Quote:

Tue, 12 Oct 2004

>Attn: Melissa
>Campaign Co-ordinator
>
>This is to inform you that,Your message was received and I am very much
>interest to invest in your company and I will get back to you soon because I
>am making an enquiries for the animals in Bobo.
>
>Please give me some days to finalise and get back to you.
>
>Thanks
>Mr.K.Z Musa

Melissa is keen for some form filling

Quote:

Dear Mr Musa,

Honely will be out of the office for a few days now and I wondered if we should move the grant process forward while your business is at a halt?

To gain the 1st stage grant there are a few little bits of admin to be worked out.
1. Suitability Assertiveness signature (i can send this simple form if you wish to proceed)
2. Minimum 50 words on the proposed site (A little description of the site in Bobo-Dioulasso will be fine - but if you have a picture that would be fantastic!)
3. Experience requirement
4. How would you like the money sent? (bank details or transfer etc.)

Once we get all four together we then send the 1st stage funds

Sorry to bother you on this - it's just the Save the Merkin board are quite excited about the project.

Thanks - Melissa

Zongo wants the cash�

Quote:

Attn: Mrs Melissa
Campaign Co-ordinator

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE AND I AM VERY SORRY TO REPLY LATE DUE TO MUCH WORK IN MY OFFICE. I HAVE NOT FORGOTING THE ARANGEMENT OF THE SITE IN BOBO. I AM PREPARE TO GET LEAVE AS FROM NEXT WEEK AS TO ENABLE ME GO TO BOBO TO GET THE SITE AND GET BACK TO YOU.

PLEASE I NEED ASSISTANCE FROM YOU AS TO ENABLE ME GO FOR THIS TRIP. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST ME WITH US$2000 FOR MY TRANSPORTATION AND FEEDING AND AS SOON AS I ARRIVE THERE, I WILL GIVE YOU A CALL FOR THE DETAILS.

I WILL GET YOU MY PHOTOGRAPH AS SOON AS I GET BACK FROM BOBO WITH THE FULL DETAILS OF THE MATTER.

MY FRIEND HONELY, INFORMED ME OF THE WHOLE THING AND HE WILL BE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL SOON BUT I PRAY THAT, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO HIM. I WILL LIKE YOU TO SEND ME THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION IN THE NAME OF MY SON MR.JOHN MUSA SO THAT I WILL PROCEED FOR THE SITE IN BOBO.

I WILL BE WAITING TO RECEIVE THE MONEY AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY.

MR.K.ZONGO MUSA

Quote:

Zongo,

Great News. Honely has come round from the operation and while he is a little bruised and swollen he is fine. The implants have taken well apparently.

I can get your funds to you as requested but the board have insisted on the 4 steps before I send the cash. The Board of Save the Merkin have transferred the cash into the main cheque account so we are nearly there!

I've attached the form you require to fill in. Simply print out, fill in by hand and fax back to (001) 206XXXXX9. We can then get the funds moving!

Thanks Zongo (are you married?)
Yours
Melissa

Quote:

DEAR MILISSA.

I WILL GET THE FORM READY SOON AND I THANK GOD FOR THE LIFE OF MY FRIEND HONELY.

THANKS
MR.KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

basically he�s having trouble with the form

Quote:

Dear Mr Musa,

Honely is now out of hospital and recovering. One of the requests from
Honely was that I should tell you she (WTF!) will make her appointment on Mondayno matter what happens.

Apparently you would know what that means.

Did you get the form OK? The Board is meeting on Monday to release your
$5,000 1st stage grant (but they can't do it without the form)

Yours
Melissa

He can�t print the file! Time wasting? Tick�

Quote:

18 Oct 2004
>DEAR MILISSA
>
>THE ATTACHED FILE WAS TO LARGE AND I COULD NOT PRINT IT OUT. PLEASE REDUCE THE SIZE AND SEND IT AGAIN SO THAT I CAN PRINT IT OUT AND FILL THEN, FAX IT IMMEDIATELY.
>
>PLEASE HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE IN BOBO THIS WEEK AS TO ENABLE ME FINALISE FOR THE SITE.
>
>THANKS
>KAMBORE

I am too nice and send him reduced size forms. I sniff a trophy.

Quote:

Zongo,

These are the forms and they are as small as they go without making the
writing so bad you can't read it. (give me my first trophy you git!)

Hope all is well

Melissa

Hooray � 1st ever trophy! He has actually re-typed the entire form, printed it and scanned it (forms not posted). 10 out of 10 for time wasting, 0 out of 10 for my charity. A missed slap but there is so much fun to be had with Zongo yet.

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA

SEE THE ATTACHED FILE AND I AM VERY SORRY TO REPLY LATE DUE TO THE ATTACHMENT WAS TOO LARGE AND I HAVE TO RETYPE IT.

I WILL BE WAITING TO RECEIVE THE US$5,000 SO THAT I WILL MOVE TO BOBO AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

YOU CAN SEND IT IN MY NAME.MR KAMBORE.ZONGO MUSA OR IN MY SON'S NAME MR.JOHN MUSA.

IF I GET THE FUND TOMORROW, I WILL TRAVEL THIS WEEK END. THANKS AND EXTEND MY GREETING TO YOUR FAMILY AND MY FRIEND HONELY.

BEST WISH
MR.K.ZONGO MUSA

Quote:

18th Oct
Zongo,

I've shown this form to Daniel (our Charity Board Chief Executive) and
he has insisted that the form is filled out on the official paperwork.

I'm sorry - but the board can be really strict with the rules about form
filling.

Yours Melissa

Quote:

DEAR MILISSA

I AM VERY SORRY BUT THE ATTACHED FILE YOU SENT TO ME WAS TO LARGE AND I COULD NOT PRINT IT OUT. PLEASE REDUCE THE SIZE AND SEND IT AGAIN SO THAT I CAN PRINT IT OUT AND FILL THEN, FAX IT IMMEDIATELY.

PLEASE HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE IN BOBO THIS WEEK AS TO ENABLE ME FINALISE FOR THE SITE AND GET BACK TO YOU.

YOUR URGENT ATTENTION IS NEEDED PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS
KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

He delivers me my forms. I am a fulfilled baiter! As I can't post them the one interesting line was that he had not seen any Marmosets but the jungle did apparantly have Marmalades in it?!?

http://tinypic.com/u1lqa http://tinypic.com/u1lr6

Quote:

DEAR

SEE THE FORM FILLED.

YOUR FAX LINE IS NOT GOING THROUGH. HELP ME TO PLEAD WITH THE BOARD TO ACCEPT IT NOW.

THANKS
MR. KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

And again..

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA

SEE THE ATTACHED FILE AND DO THE NEEDFUL .

REGARDS

MR.K.Z.MUSA

Quote:

Zongo,

These forms are perfect. I shall put them to the board (they are meeting today)

The board are unhappy with Honely at the moment. I hope to tell you more later but they tend to look over my shoulder at e-mails so can't talk now.
Yours � Melissa

This last message worries Zongo.

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA,

I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HONELY ? IS IT WELL WITH HIM ? HOW ABOUT HIS FAMILY ?

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HIM BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM HIM BUT NO RESPOND.

TREAT AS URGENT BECAUSE I AM SO WORRIED NOW.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
MR.KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

Daniel LaRue wades in with the sting

Quote:

19th October
To Whom it may Concern;

This is a message to all contacts within Honely Kiding's Inbox.

It is with regret that we have had to ask Honely to leave the charity after 3 years service to the cause. His recent behaviour and decision to undertake surgery has left us little option.

Matters came to a head yesterday when we had a complaint from a local Post Office that Honely had gone into to send a large amount of money (yes Zongo, your money!) while dressed as a woman. One of his main roles for the charity was sending money to foreign countries. Now that his identity is not clear it is hard for him to continue with this work.

Can all future Save the Merkin charity business be directed to Melissa at the above e-mail. Any personal business needs to be taken up directly with Honely.

Regards
Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Zongo seems a little upset � Melissa first.

Quote:

>DEAR MELISSA,
>
>I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HONELY ? IS IT WELL WITH HIM ? HOW ABOUT HIS FAMILY?

Quote:

Zongo,

I've been really upset by this. I think Honely wanted to talk to you
personally about this.

Honely is also worried because she knows that in West Africa the dressing
up as a woman thing is seen as sinful. Basically Honely has been confused
sexually for some time and underwent surgery to complete herself.

Daniel (the charity boss) is particularly upset about this. Honely was unable to send an amount of money yesterday due to identity issues. I think this money was something to do with your business? (Zongo! do you think this could have been your money? Oh No!)
I talked to Honely on the phone - the idea is that when she is settled
she will contact you via a new e-mail address - I think he / she is a
little embarrassed.

Yours
Melissa

Here you have a West African man (not known for their PC attitudes telling a transexual to be courageous)

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA,

THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION BUT I AM SURPRISED OF THIS. PLEASE TELL HONELY TO BE COURAGIOUS AND I WILL BE GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON CONCERNING THE DECISSION OF THE BOARD ABOUT MY APPLICATION.

I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM HONELY ALSO.

THANKS AND GOD BE WITH YOU.
MR.K.Z.MUSA

Quick message to Honely � we will of course ignore this.

Quote:

>DEAR HONELY,
>
>HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TODAY ?
>
>I WANT TO KNOW YOUR PRESENT CONDITION OF HEALTH ? PLEASE REPLY AND TELL ME HOW YOU ARE NOW.ALSO, HOW FAR HAVE YOU GONE WITH THE BANK FOR THE TRANSFERRING OF THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
>
>I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
>
>YOURS BROTHER
>MR.KAMBORE ZONGO MUSA

What is happening with Zongo�s grant?

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA

GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM WRITING TO KNOW HOW FAR YOU HAVE GONE CONCERNING MY APPLICATION. PLEASE TRY TO HELP ME AND WORK FAST AS TO ENABLE ME GO TO BOBO THIS WEEK.HOW IS HONELY ? PLEASE GIVE ME HIS PHONE CONTACT SO THAT, WE CAN GET IN TOUCH.

I EXPECT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.

MR.K.Z.MUSA.

Melissa responds.

Quote:

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you. I miss Honely already. I am lonely without honely. Have you heard from him?

The good news is that Daniel and the board have approved your application form. The 1st stage grant has been cleared and you only have two steps now before the money is transfered. If you remember my e-mail of the 14th the steps are:

1. Assertiveness form - APPROVED
2. Short Statement - 50 words minimum about the site and how much you love animals - a picture of the site would also be great
3. Experience requirement - I'll tell you all about that once we get the 50 words.

Daniel may be contacting you. He has a personal interest in the the Giant Sumatran Burrowing Hog which he thinks may be in the area. He is offering up to $2,000 for any information regarding a confirmed sighting. (This is a Zapmaster mentor thank you line � but I never get round to following this up!)

Daniel and the board have also approved sending you a laptop so you can keep in touch - is this of interest? Get back to me with the 50 words as soon as possible.

Yours Melissa

Zongo 50 words (his pet dog!). Melissa moves him onto the photos

Quote:

Dear Melissa,
>
>I wish to inform you that, I love aminals at the age of five years.My father bought a dog for me called "BINGO" Among all the animals in our house, like Goats,Sheeps,Horses,it is only my dog that eat when I am eating and always play with me.
>
>The site at Bobo-Dioulasso is very good for animals and I will send the picture of the site to you as soon as I return from Bobo By next week.
>
>
>Thanks
>Mr.K.Z.Musa
>NB: SEE THE LETTER AND ADVICE ME IF IT IS OK BEFORE YOU SEND IT
>TO THE BOARD AND I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM MR.DANUEL CONCERNING THE SIGHT YOU MENTIONED

Why just 50 words! that was an opportunity missed but hey, I'm new!

Quote:

Zongo,

This is fine I'm sure. The last part of the process does require some extra work. I do know though, the board are all ready to rubber johnny stamp your Merkin fund.

The "Experience Requirement" is basically a series of photographs with you and the animals you love. There need to be at least 5 pictures.

I suggest:
1. You and Bingo together (Daniel will like this one)
2. You at the site in Bobo
3. You and a Horse together
4. You and a Marmalade together (must see one after he filled in the form)
5. Your Choice (hey, let�s give him some room for creativity!)

Daniel also needs to see the sign that will be on the front door of the Animal Sanctuary. This needs to be a professional sign with the charity name on "Save the Merkin" It is essential that you hold this sign in ALL the pictures

We are all away for a team building week next week. Daniel and the board are all hoping to stroke my Merkin when we meet up.

Yours
Melissa

Zongo responds

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA

I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH BUT I WILL SEND THE REQUIRED PICTURES AS SOON AS I GET TO BOBO.

SO,SEND THE MONEY AS YOU PROMISED (I did no such thing!) SO THAT I WILL BE GOING IMMEDIATELY.

I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU.

REGARDS

MR.KAMBORE Z.MUSA

Daniel LaRue steps in

Quote:

Dear Mr Musa,

My colleague Melissa has informed me you are close to achieving the 1st stage grant. I am very pleased that we have the possibility of another camp in Africa. We have a number in South East Asia, Gongestan, Ruaskammer, Narnia and others but it is good to see we might have a more permanent branch in Bobo. We have been disappointed in the other African
branch after sending so many funds there.

As part of the 1st stage grant you will achieve Premier Status � this means (apart from the $5,000 USD) you will receive a Laptop to enable you to keep in touch with us regularly. You will have to pay for the set up and internet connection though. Can you inform me of your preferred model, local supplier and a quotation for this device. (we use the very reliable ANUS PX models here) Please be sensible - I want you to have good equipment but do not go for the top models as my budget is not endless.

I hope our business is not affected by the Honely affair. I hope we can still work to saving Merkins and other animals across the world.

I will contact again once we get the pictures. I have an interesting and profitable sideline for you.

Yours
Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Zongo tries to get the money without the photos.

Quote:

Dear Daniel LaRue,
>
> I humbly and respectifully writing to inform you that, I am right now in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso and the site in question is in Bobo-Dioulasso. so, I can't get the picture of the site now as MELISSA requested before the fund will be send to me.
>
> Sir, I beg you give me some days to travel to bobo and I will send all the requested pictures to you. Kindly do the needful so that I will go immediately because the man that is giving me the site have been waiting for my arrival. I don't want to miss this great opportunity there.
>
> I promise that, I will give the best service to Save the Merkin as soon as I get the site.
> I will be very glad if this humble application is considered.
>
> Yours Sincerly
>
> Mr.Zongo Kambore Musa.

Daniel stands firm.

Quote:

Dear Mr Musa,

I am afraid that we have had this problem before. I really did not want to bring this up but we have sent similar funds to a Mr George Pete in Benin before and frankly I am not sure where that money went.

We need proof of your intent - if you are not serious about this venture then we will have to call it a day. In my work in the charity field I think you will find this is a generous offer. Once these pictures are taken the world opens up to you I think you will find. Try and name me
another charity that provides these terms? We are generous and forgiving.

Do not contact us again unless you are serious about becoming a partner of this venture.

Yours
Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Zongo worms it with Melissa. Pictures are ready!

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA

I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE AND ALL THE PICTURES ARE READY WITH ME BUT DUE TO INTERNET PROBLEM HERE, I COULD NOT SEND IT. PLEASE AS SOON AS THERE IS CONNECTION IN THE NET, I WILL SEND THE PICTURES AS REQUESTED.

ALSO, I LOVE TO HEAR THAT, HONELY'S MOBILE NUMBER WILL REACH ME SOON. PLEASE HELP ME FOR THAT AND ALSO HER NEW E-MAIL ID.

FINALLY,MELISSA, I WANT YOU TO DO HONELY A FAVOUR BY APPEALING TO THE BOARD TO PARDON HER AND CALL HER BACK TO THE OFFICE BECAUSE SHE ALWAY SAY GOOD OF YOU. SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE GOOD,KIND AND TRUTHFUL AND AS SUCH, YOU SHOULD PROTECT HER INTEREST AS SHE DO ON YOUR SIDE. FROM ALL INDICATION, I FIND OUT THAT, BOTH OF YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG BUT HOW CAN THE BOARD SACK HER IN SUCH MANNER. IT IS UNFAIR. PLEASE DO NOT LET ANYBODY NOTICE THIS MY HUMBLE REQUEST NOT EVEN MR.DANUEL FOR SECURITY REASONS.

I WILL REACH YOU WITH THE PICTURES SOON AND TELL MR. DANUEL TO BE PATIENCE AND HE PROMISED TO SEND ME A LAPTOP AND PLEASE TELL HIM THAT ANY ONE THAT IS GOOD FOR HIM, WILL ALSO BE GOOD FOR ME. I CAN NOT DECIDE THE TYPE TO USE AS HE REQUESTED.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

MR.ZONGO.

Some truly awful fakes arrive with Daniel. Basically in a room with a chalkboard and cut out face pasted on - then some compressed pictures of the countryside which i can't open

http://tinypic.com/u1lsg
http://tinypic.com/u1lvl

Quote:

Dear Daniel LaRue
> Chair of the Board,
>
> I am humbly and respectfully writing to inform you that, the attached file is the requested photos and please,Kindly do the needful in the name of my Son.Mr.John Musa through western union money transfer or through MoneyGram.
>
> I will be waiting to receive the money.
>
> Yours Faithfully,
>
> Mr.Zongo.

I am gutted! I thought I had a trophy. Daniel will torture this one.

Quote:

Dear Mr Musa,

I see you have a sense of humour - you must think this is all some kind of joke. I presume you do as you seem to have cut out a head from a magazine then stuck it onto someone with a chalkboard sign. I am so angry I have not even checked the compressed files.

I came away from our team building course especially to read the e-mails. Melissa and I were about to take part in team muff diving � I left there to come and see your e-mail - what a waste of my time. You remind me of the disaster we had with the crook from Benin - are you a
crook? Is that why you hide your face?

I will be checking my e-mails on 1.11.04 - I expect to see 5 pictures of you with the animals you say you love. Did I ask for a picture of someone sitting in a room? If not - our business is over. I am shocked and angry.

I have the $5,000 USD ready to send to you. I'm just not sure now that you are the right person. I have a good mind to cancel my order for an ANUS PX laptop now as well. What were you thinking?

Yours
Daniel LaRue

Little friendly note from Melissa

Quote:

Zongo,

I know you are aware that the team are going on a team building exercise for the next week. We hope to see the pictures when we return on November 1st. I just wanted to remind you about the Save the Merkin sign. If Daniel doesn't see you holding that sign in all the pictures he will reject them - I just wanted to warn you (as a friend)

Honely will have a mobile number soon - but she is taking a break for a little while. I will send you that number when I return.

I'm off now to get my Merkin ready. We have just finished our breakfast here before setting off. The charity board have been buttering my muffin all morning and I am exhausted.

Yours
Melissa

Basically over the next few e-mails I haggle to try and get my pictures but no real pictures come. Skim over this if you want!

Quote:

Dear Daniel,
> I will send the requested picture soon and please do not be angry with
> me.
>
> Regards
> Mr.K.Z.Musa

I send a slap (which I have lost!)

Quote:

> DEAR SIR,
>
> HOW CAN I INSULT YOU ? IT IS DUE TO YOUR RECENT MESSAGE THAT MADE ME TO SAID SUCH BECAUSE I HONESTLY SEND MY REAL PICTURE AND AS YOU SAID, YOU REALLY WANT TO ASSIST ME AND YOURSELF ALSO IN THIS PROJECT, KINDLY DO THE NEEDFULLY AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THE NEW PICTURE I WILL SEND TO YOU SOON BUT DON'T SAY THAT I CHANGE MY FACE AGAIN. I DID NOT DO IT AND WILL NEVER DO IT.
>
> IN SHORT, I WILL LIKE YOU TO COME DOWN TO BURKINA FASO IN PERSON LET USIRON THINGS OUT. (mmmm, maybe that's an idea for later) I HOPE THIS WILL HELP US IN THIS TRANSACTION.
>
> I WILL EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU.
>
> YOURS FAITHFULLY,
>
> MR.ZONGO

Quote:

Mr Musa,

Thank you for your message. This procedure is designed to protect us.

Believe me, once you have gone through the procedure you will see we are
a very generous charity.

Yours
Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Quote:

Respected Sir,
>
> I am very sorry if I ofended you Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will resend those
> required photos soon as I promised.
>
> Yours Sincerly,
>
> Mr.Zongo.

Quote:

I beleive you are insulting me with your language!

I have rejected these photographs for several reasons. I shall try to remain calm but this is difficult as I have doubts now about this transaction.

1. The pictures are not very good quality
2. The sign has flash on it and you cannot read the words clearly
3. From the words I can make out you have added lots of words about me - simply write "Save the Merkin" in big letters. I do not need to see my name.
4. You can see from the pixelation and lighting on the face that the head is false. Do not insult me by pretending that it is not - If you continue with this our business is over.
5. I cannot read compressed pictures - We have a UBDESCammer firewall system that prevents such files getting through. Send these pictures through uncompressed.

I need to see pictures of you with the animals that you love - this is clear.

Can I make it any clearer? I don't think so. If you cannot follow these simple instructions then I will re-allocate the $5,000 USD to another willing member.

Yours
Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Quote:

DEAR DANUEL
>
> WHY ARE YOU INSULTING ME ? IF THE PICTURES ARE NOT CLEAR, KINDLY TELL ME TO RESEND IT. PLEASE IAM NOT HAPPY TO RECEIVE ALL THIS INSULT FROM YOU.
>
> I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
>
> REGARDS
>
> ZONGO

Quote:

You are laughing at our charity. We try and save Merkins across the
world from being kept in the dark and damp conditions - and you don't
care.

Do not contact me again.

Yours
Daniel

One last attempt

Quote:

Mr Zongo,

The charity accountant has expressed concern about me keeping $5,000 USD in the safe in the office. He wishes me to exchange it back to �'s and return it to the bank. Our safe is not insured for these amounts for any more than 7 days.

Can you let me know when the photo's may arrive? It will affect wether I return the cash to the bank or not. I can send the start up grant via Western Union or Moneygram within 2 hours of receiving the photos. The computer equipment may take longer due to international shipping etc.

Thank You
Daniel LaRue

The little slime ball gets another lawyer in!

Quote:

Attn:Mr.Daniel LaRue,
>
> Chairman,Save the Merkin,
>
> With Refference to the informations received from my client Mr.Kambore Zongo Musa, I write to inform you that, Mr.Zongo will not and can not send any of his photograph or image of any animal associated with him to anybody out side the shores of Burkina Faso for security reasons.
>
> The trauma, suffered by the family at the September 11th 2001 terrorist attack at the world trade center U.S.A is still fresh in their minds.
>
> According to him, The site is ready at Bobo Dioulasso and he has already sent some of his pictures to you without consultation. You should therefore make use of those pictures or you come down to ouagadougou and see things for yourself if you are serious over the Save the Merkin issue.
>
> For more information, contact me through my email address or call 00226 XXXXXXXX.
>
> Best regards
> Hon.Barister Idrissa Yameogo

Daniel gives a business like response. I want my photos! But it looks like it�s a lost cause.

Quote:

Dear Idrissa,

Thank you for your note. We still have a problem however. I can see that you are a straight talking solicitor - just the kind I like. I will therefore give you the full history.

6 months ago a George Pete contacted us from Benin and applied to become a member of the Save The Merkin foundation. We received a number of images and all the forms were filled out. At the time our procedure wasto send the 1st stage grant. We have never heard from this man again and we are over $4,000 USD down on that transaction. We think he did not care about the Merkin and was more interested in the mulla. but this is not your concern - it is just to give you the history.

This is why we now have to insist that images are sent which include the main sponsor or foundation member (i.e. Zongo Kambore Musa) and also some form of ID - this is why we have asked for a sign saying "Save The Merkin" The reason for this complication is that we believe Mr Pete may simply have taken some images from the world wide webs.

Is Mr Zongo now admitting that he tried to fraud us by putting a false face on the picture? This made us not trust him. Can he also send the images of the bobo site not compressed? We couldn't see them as I stated before.

I am very happy to come to Bobo to see the site but we usually send the 1st stage grant of $5,000 USD before we arrive - this gives you chance to purchase the site and start the process rolling!

Yours
Daniel LaRue

Did I miss something? She just asks straight for the cash again!
>

Quote:

Attn:Mr.Daniel LaRue,
> Chairman,Save the Merkin,
>
> With regard to your message, I do hereby to inform you that, the said amount (US$5,000) can be send to Mr.Kambore Z.Musa through my chamber. I am a reputable senior Advocate in Burkina Faso. My chamber is located in the central area of Ouagadougou called Bassargarwa. So, you should feel free and do not intertain any atom of fear in sending the 1st grant as to help Mr.Zongo purchase the site at Bobo before your arrival.
>
> You can send the money through my secretary Mr. Nnamdi Oneyegorom through western union or MoneyGram. On the receipt of the payment I will make sure that, all the necessary information about the site reach your board in the due time.
>
> I will contact my client Mr.Zongo and pass all the information to him.
>
> Finally, I will be expecting to receive the money from you. (what?)
>
> Best regards
> Hon.Barister Idrissa Yameogo

Daniel isn�t happy!

Quote:

>Dear Idressa,

I really do not think you have listened to me! Do you think I am stupid? Is this your idea of a joke?

You will see very clearly that the reason I have asked for the images is to stop any fraud happening. I need to see exactly who we are dealing with. So far, your client has sent me an image of himself with a poor attempt at disguising his face - and now you want me to send him money? after he has attempted to deceive me?

You need to advise your client to send the images - if you do not do so to my satisfaction I will cancel the grant.

Do not contact me again on this e-mail unless it is to tell me your client is sending the pictures. I will ignore all other messages

Daniel LaRue
Chair of the Board

Pathetic response!

Quote:

Attn:Mr.Daniel LaRue,
> Chairman,Save the Merkin,
>
> I received your mail but for your information, My client will not send any of his photo to unknown person again for security reasons but if you still need the photo of the site,He can do
so.
>
> Also, If you are very much interested to have the site at Bobo then, send the money as I instructed you or you can come down here to sign with me (that�s not a bad idea!) or you consult your own lawyer here (what? One as good as you?) so that both of us will go into agreement on behalf of my client Mr. Zongo Musa.
>
> Finally, I want to let you understand that, I am defending a case of someone that sent his picture to a friend in Liberia and the police discovered the picture in the house of a rebel leader and now, the Government want him to prove his relationship with a rebel leader. So if you don't know what you are doing, you beter be careful before you get people into problem. (how indiscreet!)
>
> If you are not sending the money to my client, do not contact him anymore and keep the money with you because I know Mr.Zongo is honest and trustful somebody and can not betray any body.
>
> I will be waiting for your positive response.
>
> Yours Sincerly,
> Hon.Barrister Idrissa

I�m bored of Idrissa. Need to change tack at some point.

Quote:

Thank you for your reply.

I stand by my word. If your client can send us the uncompressed photo's we may re-consider.

Thank you
Daniel LaRue

I am beginning to realise I won�t get a photo.

Quote:

Dear Idressa,

I have returned the money to the bank. This business is over until we
get the photographs. Your client could show a little bit of grace and
send the photo's that he had compressed to us again - but uncompress
them - that would be a sign for me that he may still be interested in
the $5,000 USD

Melissa has suggested we sign a confidentiality agreement so that we
will not publish the photo's anywhere at all - I would do this if you
want. I just don't believe you or Zongo are serious about this deal.

Yours
Daniel LaRue

Quote:

Attn:Mr.Daniel,
> Chairman,Save the Merkin,
>
> I write to inform you that your message have been received but due to my time schedule I could not make an instant reply.
>
> As I told you in my last mail, My client Mr.Kambore Zongo Musa,will not send any picture other than the ones he had already sent to you.
>
> Mr. Chairman, this world is too large, and I am already in pins and needles (Why? Have you been sitting on your hand?) over this issue. According to him, many are looking for the site but are unable to lay their hands on it due to some bureacracy.If you can not send the 1st grant fee through my chambers then, you have to come to Burkina Faso to see things for yourself. Mr. Zongo has spent a subsential amount of his meager income to make sure that your dream (SAVE THE MERKIN) is achieved here in Burkina Faso. Despite the fact that, I Hon.Barrister Idrissa has been his family attorney for the past fifteen years.He paid the sum of US$1,200 as my consultation fee as to enable this chambers to give him some legal surport and documents that made it easy for him to see the district head where the site is located in Bobo Dioulasso. On two or three occassions, he paid his fare tro and fro to Bobo without demanding a cent from you.
>
> Finally, You are strongly advised to stop insulting this chambers,though we are working for money,we are not interested in the business you are doing with Mr.Zongo. If you are still
> interested on our legal advice,kindly call 00226 76 55 78 28 or by e-mail.
>
> We expect your positive response towards this message.
>
> Yours Faithfully,
>
> Hon.Barrister Idrissa.

Melissa steps in

Quote:

Zongo,

Daniel has just told me that you were not serious about becoming part of the Save The Merkin Charity. This is a shame. I would have loved you to stroke my Merkin. What happened? Daniel seems really quite cross.

There is good news though - Daniel has agreed that Honely can come back and do his old job! I'm so relieved and I feel that things will get better from now on. The other good news is that Honely now has a mobile. When he comes into the office tomorrow he has said he
will write to you and give you the number.

Let me know what happened. Your ANUS PX laptop had just arrived I had already packaged it up ready to UPS to you - we also had a tricorder mobile ordered for you that was coming direct to Burkina.

Yours
Melissa

Longest e-mail from a lad I've had! I've changed case for your eyes sake on this one

Quote:

Dear melissa,
>
I thank you so much for the good news about honely. I want to tell you the truth now, i am not happy to save the merkin if honely is not in the organization because through honely,i came to know you and honely always say good of you and as such, you should also say good of him.
>
>for that reason, i am 100% ready to do my best here if honely is back to office. I am surprise why mr.danuel don't like me to be a member of save the merkin. I promised to do everything possible on your request because as a child of god i feel that, is good to love one another and to show mercy to people. So honely should be pardon even if he ofended the board for the sake of god and now, that honely will soon be back, i assured you that,save the merkin will comence very soon in bobo as i earlier promised.
>
>be informed also that, mr. Danuel informed me that, the pictures i sent to him was not clear. He suspect it to be a fixed head but i clearified him on that point but he insisted that i must send another pictures which i promised to send more pictures soon.
>
>yesterday, i sent him another mail requesting him to come down orsend someone and let is iron thing out but he told me that, it is immposible and in fact, i should not write him again. So what is bad if he don't write me. I have some big businesses in many places to attend and if he feel he can not allow me to be a member of save the merkin then, i will pen off my hand shortly because the site in bobo will help the organization so much if we get the site.
>
>melissa, i count on you and i believe that you will try your best there on my behalf and may god almighty bless you and give you more power to leader the people and save the merkin all over the world. I will not disapoint you in the name of god almighty.
>
>finaly, as i always said, honely recomended you as good,loving and honest person and i hope the same good name you will maintian to others.
>
>i will expect to get your motherly advice soon andmy greetings tohonely and i expect his phone number.
>
>yours sincerly
>
>mr.k.zongo musa

I try a little flirting (i should have given up on pictures earlier)

Quote:

Zongo,

Honely is back to day and we are very busy. I think you should just
send some pictures to Daniel - In think that is all he needs to
enable him to trust you. He can sometimes throw a fit and get angry
but basically considering his history as a camp pianist it's normal.

Send him the pictures, you hunk of love.

Yours
Melissa

Quote:

DEAR MELISSA,
>
>FIRSTLY, I THANK GOD ALMIGHTY FOR HIS LOVING KINDNESS TOWARDS US BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN FASTING AND PRAYING FOR HONELY TO BE BACKTO HIS OFFICE AND I AM GLAD TODAY THAT, HER IS BACK NOW. MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR.
>
>I WILL SEND THOSE PICTURES TO MR.DANUEL BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT, MY ATTORNEY WHO SIGNED FOR THE FORM I SENT TO THE BOARD DISAGREED ME IN SENDING OUT MY PICTURES TO UNKNOWN PERSONS. HE DECIDED TO TAKE CARE OF THIS CASE BY HIMSELF. HE IS THE PERSON THAT SIGNED FOR THE SITE AT BOBO IN THE FEDERAL HOUSING OFFICE BOBODOULASSO
>AND HE PROMISED TO CONTACT YOU AS WELL AS MR.DANUEL SOON. PLEASE
>HELP ME TO CLEARIFY HIM WHEN HE CONTACT Y

_________________
u will only die like a
chicken, this is my last warning to you.
see me in your dreams.
Nigeria

x5

Jo'Burg - Accra

Last edited by freddibnah on Fri Nov 11, 2005 10:12 am; edited 6 times in total

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