Please help sabotage my adoption efforts.

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

Hi, long time baiter & lurker, newly joined. I mostly straight bait but this one is starting to go in an interesting direction so I thought I'd expand it.

So I'm baiting this lad who runs an orphanage, and have been doing the usual stuff -- asking for pictures, then asking questions about every picture so he has to invent a story for everything. One of the pics was some kids at a birthday party, so I ask who it was for. And he sends me back pics of the most adorable little girl you ever saw, and her name is Maria (probably not). So of course I want to immediately adopt her.

He's dicking around with how Paul (that's me (not really)) has to make a cash donation to the place first, but last weekend was my family reunion and I made the mistake of showing the Maria pics to my relatives. So now they all want to adopt her themselves. They may have looked at his email when he wasn't around, so Paul is concerned they will try to contact the orphanage and take little Maria away from him.

So I need some conniving relatives to contact my lad and offer him money if he will adopt Maria to them instead of me. Paul has promised that whatever amount anyone else may offer, he will go higher. Send me a PM if you want to participate.

This is just Phase 1. If I am fortunate, there will be a Phase 2, but I need to lay the groundwork and get the lad's greed level up a bit. This is part of that.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:58 am

Nice plot, I like it! Welcome.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:23 am

Oooooooo!! I likey, but have a feeling the lad won't.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:40 am

SunblockThrows wrote:

So I need some conniving relatives to contact my lad and offer him money if he will adopt Maria to them instead of me. Paul has promised that whatever amount anyone else may offer, he will go higher. Send me a PM if you want to participate.

Your Canadian cousin has sent you a PM! Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:44 am

I'm always interested in baiting an orphanage lad. I've sent you a PM.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

Dan would love to help. PM sent.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:04 am

No way guys! Step off! Maria is Ember's! PM on it's way. Cool

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Posts: 1301

Looks like Maria is going to be much in demand. PM sent.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

PMs sent. Thanks, everyone. He is still dicking around trying to get me to send a donation amount before I can visit and adopt. That should change once he realizes how in-demand little Maria is.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 5:01 pm

Well, you said we shouldn't be afraid to go crazy... so here it is (and may that be a lesson to be careful what you ask for): Laughing

Quote:

Dear Monsieur,

My naim iz Francois of Québec, Canada. It has come to my attention, zhat my cousin Americain, Paul, iz bidding to adopt zhe poor orphan Maria, whom you have custody over. I feel I have to warn you, zir, zhat my cousin iz not right in zhe head, and I am very conzerned zhat he iz a poor choice for an adoptive fazher, as Paul has a histoire of being an abusive drinker, a child molester and a violent chess player.
I feel, zhat being a family member, it iz my obligation to stand in and offer myzelf as an alternative to Paul for zhe adoption. Bear in mind, zhat money iz no izhue, so whatever he bid for becoming Maria's next fazher, I will meet zhat bid and raise it wizh 1,000 USD.
I hope you are willing to dizcuzz zhis in good faith, and zhat you are prepared to make zhe right choizhe for Maria's sake.

Zinzerely,
Francois

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

^^^
Very nice, especially the "French-Canadian" accent.

He's a bit dense, and he's stuck in full Excuse Mode at the moment: The orphanage's policy is to receive a cash donation, THEN we can visit. (WTF? Who runs a charity that way?) Also the place is undergoing renovation until February. (So where are those poor kids sleeping in the meantime?) So I had to slap him a bit this morning. Hopefully his greed will take over once he has a bunch of prospective adoptive parents competing to outspend each other.

He has promised to set Maria up with an email account so Denise (my wife (not really)) and I can communicate with her directly. Also Maria apparently likes the PlayStation, so I asked him for a list of games she might enjoy.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 5:36 pm

I sense a bidding war in the future with the lad ping-ponging back and forth between all the family members until his head explodes.

"Your relative is willing to send $5000. Would you send more to adopt Maria?"

Lather rinse and repeat.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 7:08 pm

Ember is gonna be Maria's new mommy! (you said "crazy" right?)

Quote:

I attended my family reunion for the first time in several years and now I know why!

The most beautiful sound I ever heard!
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word!
I just saw a girl named Maria!
And suddenly that name!
Will never be the same to me!

PLEASE REV! You must stop all plans for my cousin Paul to adopt this little girl! She must belong to me!

I just found a girl named Maria!
How wonderful a sound can be, Maria!
Say it loud and there's music playing!
Say it soft and it's almost like praying!
Maria! I'll never stop saying Maria!

Paul and Denise wouldn't even know what to feed this beautiful child! Please, sir, please! You must send me a picture of my very own and let me know what I need to do to adopt this beautiful child of Christ.

Yours in Christ,
Ember Wolfe

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Posts: 1301

But surely Maria will want to come to England to act as slave labour for her adoptive grandma?

Quote:

My dearest Man of God, the Reverend Jeff

I have been writing to my great nephew in Canada and in his latest email he told me about your orphanage. It is so wonderful that the poor and destitute of this world are not forgotten and I praise God that kind people like you are there to help.

Actually why I am writing is about one of your young orphans - Maria is her name. I have seen the photograph which my nephew sent me and I am horrified that such a pretty young thing is an orphan. I am a Christian woman and it breaks my heart that Maria is in an orphanage home. I will be blunt with you. I want her here, in a civilised country. I am a rich woman but I am not a well woman. Having a young ward like Maria to help me during my illness would benefit both me and her. She could come to England to help me now that my health is poor and in return she gets to have a nice grandmother figure. I would pay very good money if you could arrange for her to come here and look after me.

Like you I believe in the Holy Book so she would not be mistreated. I would allow her the Sabbath as a day of rest and she can come to church with me on that day too.

Please Reverend, please tell me that you can make it so - it would mean so much to me and I am sure that Maria would love living with me.

In Gods praise forever

Elizabeth D**dy.

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 2:35 pm

Reply is in - cheeky b*st*rd. Laughing

Quote:

hello how you doing. Greetings to you in the name of our lord. have discussed with my board of directors/ council and we concluded that whomever is coming for an adoption must first and foremost donate to the orphanage.

secondly soon as the donation is been taken place, then comes adoption

my friend the issue is not about the money, what convince us most is the person capable, God fearing and willingly to take care of child. it matters most to us

your donation will facilitate the process of adoption. mind you alot of families are calling unto the little girl Maria, but none of them has shown any interest of any.

from your mail to me i believe you will b an honest and faithful person. remain blessed.

Rev. Father Philip Jeffry.

I'll reply tomorrow or something. Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

Quote:

whomever is coming for an adoption must first and foremost donate to the orphanage

Yeah, he said the same thing to me. He's clinging to his script like it's a life preserver. After what Mr Labowski has just put his buddy through, maybe it is. But there's definitely a slappening to be happening here.

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:28 pm

Roger sent him a poke too:

Quote:

At our recent family reunion, my third cousin Paul recently told me about your orphanage, and the orphan Maria that he is intending to adopt. I wanted to know if there was any chance that I could adopt her instead. You see, I don't think Paul is really father material, and I think she would be better off with me, because I am much richer and could provide a better life for her. I am also a man of deep faith, because I am a full member of the Church of the Old Gods, and I would bring up the child with much fear of the Old Gods. As a Reverend yourself, I am sure you agree that faith is an important part of a child's upbringing.

I'm sure I'll get scripted responses at first too, but I'll derail this lad completely.

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:49 pm

Quote:

Ember to the Reverend:

My Dearest Riverend,

I am indeed honest and faith full. You are correct!

I must have my little Maria! I am alone and she is all I have in a the world.

If the money is not what is important, then PLEASE, tell me what is and I shall prove to you that I am indeed what you are looking for.

I am capable of keeping the child alive. I have had the same goldfish alive for 5 years! If that is not love and dedication, I truly do not know what is. My goldfish, Sushi, puts up such a fuss when company comes over yet I have never smothered him with air. I believe that shows true love. Especially when he makes a true ass of himself splooshing around in his bowl and gets my carpet wet. I hardly ever get mad at him and put him in "timeout" on the dry table for 2 minutes.

I am sure by now that you can see that I am the very picture of motherhood. I also agree that you can not put a price on a beautiful child like Maria, although money is no issue for me and I am willing to pay per pound. I could not tell from her picture, is Maria a chunky child? That could end up being one pricey child if money were an object, which I am glad you are saying that it is not.

My darling Riverend, you did not send me a picture of Maria, like you sent my cousin Paul and his fat wife, Denise. (please tell me that Denise does not exist...) Does that mean that you already prefer them as parents for beautiful Maria? I certainly hope not as they would definitely turn her as fat as Denise. Please let me know, as my skinny, fit hear is breaking right now as I type right now and jog at the same time.

I know in my healthy, trim heart that you will choose the fittest parent for Maria. I also please ask for you to send me my very own picture of beautiful Maria. I could not make a copy on Cousin Paul's computer without them knowing that I too want to adopt Maria. I ask that you keep this between us for the time being, as I do not wish to put up with any of Paul's wife's whining.

Thank you so much in advance for sending a picture of my Maria to me!
Yours in Christ!
Ember Wolfe

After that email, how could he not pick Ember?

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 11:05 pm

Guess what!? Maria is all mine! This guy is a reverend and therefore he would never lie, right?

Quote:

Hello and greetings to you in the name of our lord Jesus Christ. no doubt from your words i can surely you truly do deserve to be given my little girl maria. since it is so now i have no option than to begin the process if the adoption of her.
but first and foremost you will have contributed to the orphanage, as the policy of the orphanage home. once this is done, w then arrange the traveling or transportation of the the little girl.
i hope you do undersyand that am only following the rules and regulations guiding the orphanage home. maria will surely love to move such a lovely person like you. we await you donation. God bless you.

Here is MY beautiful little Maria.

Ember is excited!

My Dear Riverend,

THERE'S MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL! Thank goodness she isn't chunky. I would definitely pay per pound for her! I would like to know more about her. Does she like to read books? Play video games? I would like to send her some gifts. Does she need a TV and video gaming system or two? Can I contact her? How old is she? When is her birthday? How did she lose her parents? The adoption process is a long one and I would like to get to know her during that time.

Please explain to me more about the donation process. I am only too happy to donate to your organization because I am so excited about Maria, but this seems strange to me. I would like to see any forms regarding the process. And may I also see something regarding your identification. I will need it all for tax purposes.

I would like to keep the fact that she is coming to me and not my cousin and his whiny wife a secret for as long as possible. This will help keep the family drama at a minimum until it is unavoidable. I am sure you could even just switch out another child to them for Maria at the last moment and they would probably never even notice. I have seen how they decorate their home and attention to detail is definitely not one of their strong-points. Actually, that is probably the best idea. Swap another child for Maria. That is absolutely brilliant! You get your donations times two and two homeless waifs get a new happy life. Well, Maria will, anyhow. I will of course pay extra for keeping swap secret. All children look alike anyhow. Just don't try to swap them on me. I will be looking for it, so I will notice! But you are a riverend so you would never lie anyhow. See how well this works out?

So from here I will need: donation and adoption forms and some form of identification. Contact with Maria and a list of some gifts I could send her. Your word that this will be our secret. We can trade orphan names and tell my cousin he has Maria and I thought adoption sounded like a brilliant idea so I did it too.

I am so excited! I hope Maria likes goldfish because she and Sushi will have to share a bedroom. Find out for me, please?
Yours in Christ,
Ember

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

^^^
Yes, that is she. Hope you understand now why I loved her on sight and simply had to adopt her.

Still no word from Rev Jeff. He'd better not be neglecting those kids.

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 4:44 am

^^^ I certainly do understand why you must have her. Which is why I must have her instead! I have now talked this man of God into child-swapping on you. He will find a child similar to give to you so that I may have Maria all to myself and you will be none the wiser. Aside from the fact that I just spilled my plan to you... Laughing

Quote:

Hello greetings to you in the name of our lord. About the lttle beautiful girl Maria, she was brought to our orphanage some months ago by a woman who cannot take care of her, so we took her in, as I hear the woman used to be her aunty, but not anymore. (It's a choice?) She is 3years of age, and a nice and brillant girl. Her bithday should be March 13th,2015. (what happens if it's not?)Madam am reverend father and I can make this a secret just as you wish. As the orphanage runs, its our rule and principle that first and foremost, will first allow people to make donations before any adoption, and once this done, we arrange traveling of the little girl to any place you want followed by a staff of us who will make sure she gets to her new place, along with a document which will be signed and by the new family. The board of directors will give any child to any intrested family who acts fast because of the differnt calls we get partaining her. So we always encourage people to make there donations quick so as to speed up the adoption process.
Whatever item you send to her she will surely love it.can I trust you on this one so I can cancell whatever proposals am receiving partaing her. Get back to me soon. Rev. Philip.

Still no amount given. Just talk of the "donation".

Three years old! Such a big girl! My goodness, I will have to go birthday shopping for her. I am so excited!

I am SO thrilled that you are willing to go along with my plan. I said to myself, I said, "Self. Now this is a true man of God who can see where this child of Christ should truly belong. Not with my cousin and his whiny wife, but with me. A God fearing woman with a strong belief in the Tooth Fairy. This is that man."

Please let me know where we go next. What sort of donation are you requiring and again, I need the paperwork for my tax purposeless.
I trust in you and your infinite wisdom to steer me in the correct direction. And that direction is getting beautiful little Maria all for myself. Have you found a similar child to pass off on my cousin? I am trusting you as a man of God on this.

Blessed Be,
Ember Wolfe

How is everyone else doing? I am going to slow down a bit on him, I hope.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2210

I've still got one account left that I haven't used to bait this Reverend with.

Chuck's interest will slowly build. For now he just wants some basic info:

Quote:

Hello, I am inquiring about an orphan that you have for sale. It's name is Maria. Is it available and what is the purchase price for it?

Chuck

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 5:40 am

Is "Maria" also DA's "Annie?" Also, GP5 3-Tr4ck has already been played on him, yes?

ETA:
Maria = one of Annie's 3 faces! Laughing

We haven't driven this guy nuts yet?

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Posts: 1301

No, no none of this can be true. Little Maria is coming to live with Grandma Elizabeth in the UK once I donate to the orphanage and Lizzie is a very rich woman.

Quote:

hello and greetings to you in the name of our lord.surely have spoken with Maria, and I askes her if she will love to be adpoted and her answer is certainly yes.have also sat and discussed with my follow board of directors and the good news is that have been given the go ahead. Maria will be realeased to anyone who shows more intrest or concern, and again as it is here, we have a principle which we abide with. We allow people to make donations first before any adoption can take place, and it is only with that more attention will be given and honoured.
It is my sole responsibility to give out any child to any family that worth it, and from your speech I think am justified you the kind of woman that will look after my little girl Maria. We can surely arrange her since its your desire. But I want to make it clear to you, as the orphanage has it guiding rule. First and foremost will first accept your donations and then make provision for adoption. Since its a new orphanage home, and we short of documentations for adoption, all we do is make provisions for the travel of the little girl that after the donation has been made. I can assure the safe delivery of her to you with one of my colleague who will transport her where you are with a form which you will sign. Hope you understand. Get back to us if you ready to make your donation as soon as possible. Will send your regards to Maria. Rev. Philip.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2015 Posts: 34

He's starting to realize Paul is adamant about not sending a donation in advance. So he's thought of a new way to get cash:

Quote:

I can have Maria arranged and transported to you, if you are ready.

To which I answered:

Quote:

YES, I am ready to receive little Maria into our family! But I think it is better that my wife Denise and I visit in person to pick her up. The way you run your orphanage, I am concerned you will just put a stamp and mailing label on her, or worse, package her in a box with no holes!

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