Sad and predictable story of a serial love scam victim

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Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:40 am

From today's Melbourne Age newspaper. You'll know the ending before you read it but it gives a glimpse of the mindset of victims. He's planning to marry his latest lady, a woman he's never met because he's desperate and "she's the one". How much you you want to bet she's yet another scammer??

Quote:

At 32, Ben Ivey thought a string of women really loved him – but what happened next was truly depressing.

I met a girl through a website called benaughty.com, and she was amazing. She was an actress living in London and within a few days I felt a deep connection with her. We chatted for hours online and, as we had so much in common, before long I started to feel like I was falling in love. When her handbag got stolen and she asked me if I could send her money to help her out, I didn't think twice. I hated the thought of her in trouble.

Within two weeks of "meeting", she had booked a flight to come to see me in Sydney and I was thrilled – I could really see a future with her. Her plane was delayed, there were other mishaps, then she requested I send her some more money. Seventeen days – and $2000 – after we first met, I realised she was a love scammer. My parents encouraged me to cut all communication and I was heartbroken.

Three months later I felt ready to search for love again, so I joined a Facebook dating group where I met a girl called Belinda who lived near me. We communicated via Facebook and email and spoke on the phone. She had an online business and travelled a lot for work, so we were unable to meet in person.

A week after we started chatting, she needed to fly interstate but there were excess costs as she needed to travel with her dog. When she told me she was having cash-flow problems, once again I didn't hesitate to help. It didn't occur to me it might be happening again. Who could be that unlucky?

Within a space of three weeks I had given her in excess of $11,000. I went to the police, but there was nothing they could do. I closed down my Facebook, bank and PayPal accounts, as they were no longer secure.

A year and a half later, I met a lady after I placed a classified ad online looking for a partner. Her name was Amy and she was living in London, but after long phone chats and emails she wanted to move to Australia to be with me.

Ten days after our first communication, Amy inherited a property but she was lumbered with large legal fees, which she asked me to help her with. I explained I had been scammed twice and was sceptical, but she promised she would return my money soon. She also told me how much she cared for me. I trusted her, so I gave the money to her.

Three times unlucky.

You may find it difficult to understand, but the bottom line is I'm lonely. My last relationship ended 10 years ago and I've been single ever since. The end of that relationship deeply affected me; she was my first love. We met at university while I was studying agriculture and I've had trouble meeting someone special ever since.

The scammers all told me they loved me and wanted to marry me, and I believed them. I know I'm gullible, and I feel so stupid. I just really want to get married and start a family and that made me vulnerable.

I felt ashamed about looking for girls online, so I kept it a secret. It wasn't until things got out of hand that I told a friend from church, Peter. He made me realise that this was a problem, almost like an addiction. Peter had a talk with my parents and they staged an intervention. I'm no longer allowed to make any major financial transactions without their consent. I run everything by them before I spend a cent.

A year ago I was playing with a dating phone app when I met a girl from the Philippines whose fiancé had died in an accident. I was very scared that she was a scammer, but she promised me she was legitimately looking for love. We video-chatted a few times, she showed me her home and I could see she was the same person as her picture, so I grew to trust her.

I was terrified about telling my parents, but my Dad has spoken with her and they finally gave us their blessing.

We now plan to marry, although we've not yet met in person. I'm hoping to travel to the Philippines to see her soon, but at the moment my finances won't permit it. I know she's the one for me.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:22 am

Quote:

How much you you want to bet she's yet another scammer??

No bet

A sad story I hope we are wrong, but call me cynical.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:52 am

Sadly this is what it is all about:

Quote:

You may find it difficult to understand, but the bottom line is I'm lonely.

I Break/Abuse Romance Scammers because of such so if anybody on this Forum would like to come on by then you are Welcome to pitch in. You just might find it to your liking....

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:13 am

There are many people that make a legit internet love connection with Filipino folks...my brother is one of them.

I have two nephews from their union. Very Happy

I hope "third times the charm" for Ben.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 3:18 am

So sad. Unfortunately, far too common.

I second OP's invitation. Love scams are prolific and there aren't nearly enough baiters in our little corner of the forum to really even make a dent. Read some of the baits and I think you'll be surprised at how satisfying and funny, and not always ewwwish, dishing out pain to these scum can be.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 7:38 am

By coincidence I met a widowed gent recently whose family is pretty certain has been looking for lurve on the Internet. Because I know a bit about scammers they asked me to have a chat to try and find out what he's been up to. He was very evasive (embarrassed?) and I couldn't get a straight answer so I'm pretty certain he's been sending money to some Svetlana or other or at least considering it. All I could do was tell him to be very, very cautious and not to send these "women" any money no matter how convincing their sob story. I told him lots of warning signs to look out for and some of the modalities they employ and recommended this website but I could tell he really wasn't ready to believe me. This is what we are up against.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:22 am

I know-and I hate these lads. they rob their victims of their self-respect and trust as well as their money I hope this older gentleman's family will keep the pressure up, perhaps involve DSS or a local senior's group.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 9:31 am

Although elderly, this bloke really does have all his marbles so there's no question of any mental infirmity or vulnerability. Basically he's a lonely old man who misses his late wife and who [whisper] maybe needs to think with his head not his heart (or anything else!).

If there's any way I can find out the Vlad's details I'll do some baiting but if I or his family pushes too much he'll probably get defensive and it will cause a lot of aggro.

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 11:51 am

^^^

Quote:

At 32, Ben Ivey

If you think 32 is elderly then I must be ancient...... Laughing

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 12:02 pm

Ben Ivey is the journo in the article. The "elderly" bloke is the different one I met recently. He's in his 80s.

Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:43 am

Gnasher - Is there anyway you can contact the writer of the article and put the victim in touch with scam warners? I think that would help and possibly persuade him NOT to travel until he's 100% sure. I do hope he is finding love, but he seems to fall in love so easily that perhaps he needs to talk to some others who have been victims. Just a thought.

oscarpiles wrote:

Sadly this is what it is all about:

Quote:

You may find it difficult to understand, but the bottom line is I'm lonely.

I Break/Abuse Romance Scammers because of such so if anybody on this Forum would like to come on by then you are Welcome to pitch in. You just might find it to your liking....

This!

The Dating/love forum was the last forum I read when I was lurking and not yet a member. I didn't want to read a bunch of porn. One day I thought "what the heck I 'll give it a go". Ironically, it was the love forum that brought me out of lurkdom and into baiting. The Joseph thread pissed me off to no end and I had to join and start baiting.

Love scams are the worst of the worst in my opinion, because not only do people lose money, they lose their ability to trust, hope and can cause serious depression. They are just lonely and want to find another to share their life with, instead they fall victim to these scammers and many lose all hope, and some even take their own life.

The lowest of the low are the military love scams. I hate those lads with a passion!

Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:49 am

Good idea. I can probably get an email to him via the newspaper. I'm sure the article rang loud bells with other victims so maybe he's already in contact with a few. Without being unkind he seems a particularly naive and trusting (gullible?) guy who of course is the perfect victim. The fact he's allowed his parents power of attorney over his finances shows he acknowledges his vulnerability.

I've always been fascinated in the psychology of victims which I compare to that of compulsive gamblers. They know deep down that they are throwing their money down the drain but that tiny spark of improbable, desperate hope that this time will be different keeps them coming back for more.