Smutty trip to Scotland on fashion business.

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 22 Oct 2010 Posts: 2

Hi - I tend to lean towards the smutty comedy answers to the lads. sometimes this results in an early finish. There I go again. Hope you enjoy this, I have a few more to upload. My emails in bold. His in italic.

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Usual bullsh!*t email sent by Alex regarding a transcation.

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from Robin
to [email protected]
Alexander,
Thank you for your email.
I am very interested in your proposition as I am always looking for further investment opportunities for my fashion business.
Kind Regards,
Robin.

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Alexander Joe <[email protected]>
Dear Robin Itardnut
I acknowledged your interest in this pending transaction,To be precise here are full details of how this transaction will be achieved but you must bring out your little time to handle this transaction. Firstly, I will like to clearly make you understand that legally you have nothing to fear as this transaction is concerned. I’m the personal Attorney to Mr. John Thomas before his sudden date occurred and who ever I presented to the bank as the next of kin to inherit the USD$7.5M on behalf of my client Mr. John Thomas, the bank will not question it because they already demanded that from me as I told you in my first message. With many years of experience as a lawyer, I make bold to say with full authority that this business is 100% legal and safe. To achieve this very fast is by changing the ownership to your name as next of kin to inherit the money from the bank, which means to secure affidavit of inheritance and the vital approvals that will buttress you as bonafide next of kin to enable us have a hitch free transaction from the payee bank here to your account. Being his personal attorney give me all the opportunity to stand for you to process all the required legal back-up documents from here and forward same to the bank with the bank's application form for change of ownership on your behalf.

Modality and workability

When Nat West Bank London receives your claim application through me, they will immediately draw the attention of the board directors to notifying them that some one has file in a claim for the money and they will ask me on what action to take as regards payment and I will order them to authorized the payment to you as the right bonafide next of kin to my client. Every document concerning this claim will be backed-up by law and will be attached to you by fax or email for your perusal. The bank on receipt of clear confirmation from court will now get in touch with you asking you to present your banking coordinates to transfer the money into your nominated bank account, when the bank receives your banking information they will release the money into your account. The above is a very concise explanation of the entire process of this transaction. This mentioned processing would only take seven bank-working days to complete from the day that I submit the papers to the bank. But to achieve this so fast we both must respect the confidentiality of the transaction and keep it as such. I have the believe and trust that you can handle this transaction. The reason that I contacted you is because you are a foreigner and I would want my share of the fund to be invested into a lucrative business to guarantee my future When I authorize the payment to you and the money gets into your account we then share as follows, 55% for me and 35% for you while 10% will sent aside to care of any expenditure from both side during the processing.

However, I will demand you to send me your full name/address with your direct cell phone and fax numbers to enable me proceed with the application form and to sign MOU agreement that will guide us together as partner, it will equally give us opportunity to negotiate payment mode we prefer from the bank, either (TT) direct transfer to your account or we order a cash payment delivery to your home address in your country through a diplomatic means.

I look forward to your urgent response and if there is any other things you may deem necessary to know it will be my pleasure to explain further. Please is very important we maintain the confidentiality of this transaction to enable us have a hitch free payment from Nat West Bank London.

Yours legally and anticipate your corporations & God Bless you.
Alexander Joe
Tel: +447758298914
United Kingdom London

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Alexander,
Thankyou for your email, my address is below:

Robin Itardnut,
18 Whackov Lane
Morn Inglory,
Chester,
CH14 9SA

Im sorry i dont have a phone number at the minute as it was stolen by street sweepers. I used to have a fax machine but BT cut me off when i sent obscene faxes of my genitals to old people homes so sorry about that. I hope this doesnt affect your offer and hope we can carry on with email until i get my new phone. I operate both my fashion business and my charity donation business through my email without any problems so i trust we can do the same.

Thanks
Robin.

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Dear Robin
Your mail was received with the content noted, do attach your ID copy to me either international passport or driving license.
I wait your urgent response
Alex

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Alex,
Please find attached a copy of my driving license as requested.
I'm sorry about the bruised face on the photo, it was a result of tripping over my hula hoop and landing face first on a hookers knee.
I trust this enables us to continue?

Kind Regards,
Robin.

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Robin
No attached copy received , rescan it again to me by pdf
Regards
Alex

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Dear Robin Itardnut,
How are you today, can you please attach the ID to enable me proceed.
Yours legally
Alex

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Hi Alex,
I sent this in jpeg and I now attach it in pdf for your information. I checked the jpeg i sent you and it opens fine on my end (oohh errr)
Please note that every day i recieve many pdf and jpeg photo files from my amateur clothes models throughout the world.
When I send payment to these people I also scan in the invoice in either pdf or jpeg so I know the files well.
Anyway I trust the attached pdf now opens. If you want to know more about becoming a photo model for my clothes business, please email me back, i'm told by my customers that it is good money for very little work.

Kind Regards,
Robin.

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Robin
Maybe you try another vision to attach it.

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Hi Robin
This is absolutely clear maybe the fault is from your scanner as you said, why don't you come down in Ravensbury here for we to meet?
Yours legally
Alex

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Hi Alex,
I'm currently on fashion business in Scotland so i cant make any meetings for a few weeks. Where is Ravensbury? Ive not heard of the place, it sounds like a place off Harry Potter! You will have to send me a photo on this occasion.
Regards,
Robin.

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Hi Robin,
How are you today, there’s a good news this morning from Nat west Bank, they called me to proceed with legal approval processing for the payment, is only 2 documents requested from Ministry of finance and certificate change of ownership from Royal Majesty High Court. Though I never find out how much it will cost to get them but I will do that by Monday after sending you our partnership agreement to sign as I earlier advised. The agreement will be draft today and you should be expecting it tomorrow.

Yours legally and anticipate your corporations & God Bless you as I wait to hear from you and here is attached my office working ID.

Alex

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Hi Alex,

Thank you for your email. I can make out the letters on the identity card but not the picture (the picture looks like a slug has crawled across the middle of it or that could be a mustache? sorry, its hard to tell)
I once bought some plaster mouldings from a shop on Ravensbury Terrace, I was making a plaster cast of myself for my wife to use when i'm away on business (it didnt last long)
Please do send across your documents, once ive checked them over i'll fill them in with the bank managers help (my bank manager is Wayne J Anchor and hes very helpful when i've been in the past.

Kind Regards
Robin.

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Hi Alex,

Just to let you know im back from my trip to Scotland (once or twice I thought i saw a highland haggis and swerved but it just turned out to be roadkill) so i hope we can conclude our business together.

Kind Regards
Robin.

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No reply - not suprised really.

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