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Posted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:41 pm

So this Morning I arrive at work and immediately check my Work Email or as I like to call it my catcher account and there are four new Messages from different Addys but they are all essentially the same:

Quote:

Hallo!
Maybe we can chat?
You can name me Yulya, I am 37 years old! And you?
I will send my imagine in the next letter!
My friends say about me, that I am good educated feminine.
I have no any bad habits.
I am looking for prince for serious relationships. Are you searching for
happiness too? If yes, write me back. My personal email is
[email protected]
Bye-bye!

There were a few variations on name and script but not much. Now TruckerMals was rather confused by all this at first but decided to pull on over as ‘He’s a Kiss Stealing, Wheeling Dealing, Truck Driving Son of a Gun….’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Owzn90Exn0

Quote:

Hey there Little Laddy,
I sure enough am looking for some Loving I is and your timing is perfect cause I used to have a Gal in Knoxville but Man I forgot her name but not her figure; I remember that! That didn’t go over alls that well though as you can imagine so I guess I’m free to chats all you wants for sure for sure!
Well I best back on outta here cause I gotta talks with that DOT Feller but I’ll catch you on the Flip flop and that’s a Big Ten Four it is!

If anyone wants a crack at one of these send me a PM.

Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:08 pm

And we are Off and Running:

Quote:

Hello.

I am glad, that you answer me. I think, that I have interested you)
Tell, you liked my photo? I will send you a new photo today.
I am glad, that we begin our dialogue.
I would like to ask you that you have sent me some photos from your collection.
It is very interesting to me to see you. I have some idea about you.
But, I would like you to see fast! If you can send me photos, I will be very glad.

Ok, my name is Yuliya. I celebrated my birthday on February 14. Now I am 37 years old.
I was born on Valentine's Day, but I have not met my love.
I think it's a bit 'strange, but I know I'll find half!

Now I live in Russia. I hope you are not afraid of it?
I live in the city of Ulyanovsk, is about 1000 km from Moscow.

Some of my girlfriends have made acquaintance on the Internet.
Therefore I have decided to try it also. I hope, we can learn each other better.
We can see, that from this it will turn out. Probably, we the following enamoured pair?)

I send you my photos today. I hope, that you like my appearance.
If you answer me we will learn more.
And you can learn my character and another. It is very interesting to me also new.

Also, I would like to tell to you, that I search for serious relationship.
I do not interest sexual games and something similar.
I communicated with man and he wanted only naked photos.
If you search for second half for heart, we can speak.

This my first letter for you. I hope to receive news from you soon.
I will write in more details about myself if you answer me.

Dang it all! No Nudie Shots? Oh well:

As usual, Mals is intrigued:

Quote:

ey there Little Lady,

You sure enough is a Pretty little thing that's for sure for sure it is! Aww I can't wait to hear more bout you no I can't cause I ain't never met no Russian Gals before and that's the truth it is. So I hopes you don't find this weird but I is also 37 years old but I wasn't born on no Valentimes but on August 16 which is real easy to remember cause as everyone round these parts know Elvis died on that day to while using the John over at his Big Mansion in Graceland but you already knew that I spose.

Now I best back on outta here but I wants to knows everything but you I do and that's no lie no it ain't.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Mals is a silver tongue devil! Poor Derrick rarely gets nudes from Boris either. I think we should go on strike really. Put out or get out might be a good slogan.

Baiting Guru Joined: 21 Nov 2010 Posts: 2200

Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 6:41 pm

Vlazy Vlad finally gets back to TruckerMals:

Quote:

Hello again Mals!

How are you? I am glad to receive the message from you again.
I like your picture very! I think, that I save it and that I can print your photo.
And I will have your pic always before my eyes.

Ок, I think, we can continue our dialogue. Today I would like to tell you more about myself.
I am usual girl. But, my friends say about me, that I sociable and cheerful.
Also, I think, that I romantic. Sometimes my ideas seem rather spontaneous)
Now I live in the city of Ulyanovsk where I work. My work is designer an interior and furniture.
I like my work because I think, that I am creative person.
And what work you make? You like your work? Tell me about it, ок?

I search for the man for family creation. I had no good experience in a real life. Therefore I have decided to try to make it on the Internet. Tell, and what you search?
You also search for the girl for family creation? Earlier I did not betray to search of my prince a lot of attention,
but years go also I has seriously reflected on it.
I hope, that we could continue our acquaintance. Please, ask me, that you would like to learn about me.
I with pleasure will answer your questions.

As usually, today I send you my photo. I hope, that you will love it!
Tell about the work, about the hobby, what you do at leisure?
I am interested in you, please remember it, ок?

I will wait your answer soon! I very much hope, that you will answer me soon!

This Old Skank is being rather forward in my opinion. Really no Nudie shots but make me some little Vlads and make them Snappy. Even her Picture appears to be of another Cougar (not that its a bad thing I suppose). Shoot now where was I? Okay got it:

Quote:

Hey there Little Lady,

Well if I is going to be your Prince then I guess I should be calling you Princess then for sure I will! Well there ain't a lot to tell you me other than I'm an Interstate Trucker and live in New York I do. Mostly I go bowling for fun with my Buddies Red and Hank though sometimes I like to go to the local service club too and play some of that there cribbage with the Vets.

Now I'd likes mostly to know why a Gal as Pretty as you ain't got no man hanging off her cause you sure is Pretty and by Pretty I mean Really Pretty and that's the Truth it is.

Anyhow My Russian Princess I best back on out of hear cause I got a load of freight that just can't wait,

Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:36 pm

Quote:

Hello dear Mals!

I am glad to receive your letter again. With each new letter we become little bit closer.
I hope, you agree with me. Today I have finished my work little bit earlier, than usually.
As soon as I have come home, I checked at once mine mailbox, and I am glad, that I have found your letter.

You know, I am interested in you. You are interesting to me.
I test ease in dialogue with you! And I like to speak with you very much!
But, sometimes I want, that you wrote to me more than you do it usually.

I am interested in culture of many countries. It is interesting to me to learn much always.
To me always to like to learn something new. To me to like to receive development.
I would like to develop our relations, it will be probably a success.

Please, ask me, that it is interesting to you to know about me!
I with pleasure will answer your questions!

Now I plan to make a supper in the Italian style. I wish to prepare pasta.
To like me the Italian cuisine! Maybe we could make a supper once together.
What do you think of it? I think, it is good idea)

I will wait your letter soon! One little and gentle kiss for you!)

Baby Doll Kinda scares Me:

Well with all this talk of Food, Mals has gotta go and get some but not before signing off for the night:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

You sure is one Pretty little thing that's a for sure and nothing like the Lot Lizards I know but a whole lot Prettier too! Yes my Darling Gal i likes you a whole bunch so if you is planning making me some fine food then I can find the time to turn this rig around and strap on the feed bag I can! aww there ain't nothing as special as having a woman giving me the goods thats a fer sure fer sure.

My Nesting Doll I gotta go and talk to that DOT Feller but I got my ears on,

Mals

I just noticed that i signed off as Mals. Hope Boris isn't a good proofreader....

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:33 am

No worries-Boris usually doesn't start reading until the third script. Although I can usually get an answer if I put a question in the first paragraph-twice.

You're right-usually vlad pics are gorgeous-she looks a tad ghoulish.

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:51 am

Not only is she scary but her swans will kick yo ass too!

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:44 pm

^^^^ I noticed that too. I have never seen an angry swan before, but dang, those are gansta swans!

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 3:26 pm

^I'll let you both know that Swans are vicious! Yup I've got a couple angry swan stories:

1 - My Father had this thing for swimming in every body of water he ever visited so we are hanging out at Loch Ness Thirty or so years back and a Swan started pecking at his head. We could only figure that his white tufts of hair made him look like a rival or something. Although he didn't enjoy it one bit I found it very amusing.

2 - A couple of summers ago I went to visit a neighbour and he didn't seem to be home so I took a stroll onto his dock to see if he was nearby. Standing on the end of his dock I suddenly heard Hissing behind me and this massive 'Gangsta' Swan was heading right at me. I was dressed in all my Safety equipment (shorts and Flip Flops) so I didn't have too many options. I could have jumped into the Swampy water and tried to get away or I could face the enemy head on. I chose to fight and ran straight at this evil evil Bird who backed down at the last second while I shrieked like a little girl. Now I would like to think it was my incredible Kung Fu Fighting that saved me that day but it just turned out to be a Pansy Swan....

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:53 pm

^^^^ LMFAO!!! Too bad you didn't get that on video! I would pay to see it!

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I'm not sure which of those 3 I would be more afraid of. I hope she has at least some better ones to share with you. I'd hate to see you end up in therapy over this one.

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:39 pm

^I may need to visit some sort of 'Specialist' over this one as it is giving me the Creeps. Yes this woman isn't what one would call ugly but she definitely looks like she has access to pointy objects (and Swans to do her Evil Bidding):

Anyhow I'm sure I'll get over it:

Quote:

Hello Mals!

I am glad to find your letter today. Every day we become is more close to each other!
To me very much to like to communicate with you! I with pleasure read your letter.
Sometimes I feel alone, but your letters help me. Thanks, that you have appeared in my life!
I feel drawn to you! You are very pleasant for me.
Yesterday I had supper one in spacious apartment... To me was so alone.
I would like, that you were with me during this moment.
I dreamt, that we could light candles and drink a little wines.
I have many dreams... And I hope, that my dreams become a reality soon!
My friends say, that I very romantic girl. But I have no prince with whom I can divide my romanticism.
I think, what you could be him) That you think of it?
You like me very much. You the gallant man, and me are pleasant your image!
mmm... This little recognition) I miss, and I think about you...

Mals is Smitten:

Quote:

Aww my Baby Gal,

That is the Sweatest things some Lady ever done said to me it is for sure it is! Y'know I'd love to sit back and Drink some wines with you but a little ain't nearly enough sometimes and that's a big Charlie Forty if your catching my meaning. So you might be a wanting to come and see me in New York cause that's make me the Happiest Interstate Driver of them all and probably save me a whole bunch of money not having to eat in those Greasy Spoons and it would definitely keep me away from them Lot Lizards for a spell too; I knows it would cause you is one Fine Dang Sexy Russian Princess with them long Legs and Glassy Stare like something outta a Movie I watched the other night for sure! I just remember there was a fine looking Gal who kept saying 'join us' but I never did figure out what the Heck she was asking that Feller to join though I bet there'd be Swans all about if it was you.

Well i best back on outta here for now my Little Nesting Doll but I got my ears on,

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:36 pm

Another Day; Another Creepy Photo. No Swans but they are Lurking just out of sight; I can feel their presence:

Quote:

Hello my lovely Mals!

Today I have received the big job at my work.
I should develop design of an interior of apartment. Now I think, that to him to offer.
After I will make the given order I will have a holidays.
Would be super to spend my holidays together with you. It would be magnificent.
Yes, the Internet has given us acquaintance, but I would like more.
I would like to see you and to speak with you simultaneously.
I dream of were with you. What do you think about it?
It would be the best time in my life!
My heart prompts to me, that I wish to be with you!

So Finally the Money Shot is er coming. Mals is ecstatic:

Quote:

Aww My Little Nesting doll,

That sure is Great news it is! And you is getting me a big Job? I ain't had one of those in a long time but really wants one i do!
You means that you wants to come and visit me and we can see each other all close and personal like too? Well Yee Hoo and Stick it in your Crackedidly Pipe and smoke it too!!!! Yup that's wha tI gots to say and thats a big for sure for sure! As Mr. Sovine at the Bowling Alley says she ain't much in a Wrassle but you oughta see her Box. Now I ain't never quite understood none of that but Old Red sure finds it Funny so i laugh along too if your catching my Charlie Forty Roger.

Sorry Baby Gal cause I plim forgot to say how Pretty you look in that Picture. Wow and more wows it is cause you gots them steely eyes and nicetly plucked eyebrows and freshly shaved lips that make as Feller like me say wow all over again it does! Why did i ever think meeting someone on the Internet would be Creepy cause that just ain't the case. You is my dream and not one of those you'd wake up screaming bout niehter no how!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

I enjoyed this lil' bit riiight here:

Quote:

freshly shaved lips

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 2:26 am

^^^^^

I wasn't go to say a word Evil Lol

Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:17 pm

^Sorry about that Gang but I led you down the wrong path since it didn't look like she had shaved for a while. Eyebrows Plucked? Check! Mustache? Nah that looks good enough for now....

Quote:

Hello my angel Mals!

I am happy to receive your message again. I hope, that all is good!

I very much would wish to be with you! It would be magnificent time!
I still work here, and in 2 days I should hand over that order from my work.
I will have a vacation. And I think, that I could learn about a trip to you!
I can visit travel agency and learn, how I can visit you.
What do you think of it? Tomorrow I wish to go there to learn about it!

My angel, I miss you! All my thoughts are connected only with you!
I have many dreams concerning us! I wish to tell to you something when I will see you!
I sincerely hope, that our meeting is possible. It is important to me to know, that you can be with me!
I wish to kiss you!

Vacation = Bank Account = Getting away from Spider Lady and her Team of Trained Swans = Sleep at Last!

Quote:

Hey there Baby Doll,

You sure do say the nicerest things you do and your picture makes you seem so Pretty even with that fiveoclock shadowing! Holy Sweet Mother of Corn dogs and all the Fixings seeing you in them there High Heeled girly boots and that Dang Sexifying little bitty skirt sure makes me think of my Momma cept she weren't nearly so Beastiful as you and thats a for sure for sure. Why I swear you looks like you is going out for a night on the town, Walking the Streets just like I thought you might be!

So you cans goes to see an Agent Feller in the Morning and arrange for seeing me? Hot Diggedy I is feeling like I am gonna swan all over the place and will finally get to stare into those steely eyes and its giving me severe chills cause that's just how i is when i meets a special Gal like you.

Yeah I had a dream last night too but weren't no pleasant one cause I woke up screaming as there were these big birds chasing me. Now I could hear them behind me then felt them there too i did but when I woke up it was just my Dog Sgt. Yorkie licking my nether parts it was. Don't know nothing bout them dream Analizers but it was kinda odd don't you think so too?

So I thinks for your special arrival I'll mix up a whole mess of my Baked Beans and I'm sure you is gonna love em! That reminds me of one time when we was living on the Farm and Momma got a bit confused cause she thought the Mason Jar in the Fridge was for cooking her secret recipe but it was some Bull seed that Poppa was gonna trade to a neighbor and he sure was mad. I guess it looked like Bacon Drippings to her though!

Well I should back on outta here my Little Lover Gal. Catch you on the Flip Flop,

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Note to self: Never share a meal at the smoove talking Mals parents home. No good can come of that!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

And don't let Sgt. Yorkie kiss ya in the face! We know where his tongue has been!

Posted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 10:52 pm

Quote:

Hello my darling!

Thanks for your new letter. I am happy to read your warm words.
I feel your care and warmly! My angel, I will not present my future without you.

As I spoke to you in the last letter, I have decided to visit travel agency.
Today I have learnt much about visiting of your country. You wish to see me in a reality?
I hope, what yes) So, I have received consultation from the manager travel agency.
To receive the visa I should collect some papers.
It is a paper from police, the inquiry from a residence, and also I should make the medical test.
After I will collect these papers, I should pay cost of a tourist package.
My love, I has concluded the contract with agency and I have paid today 400 dollars.
That is, I can visit you. But, my love, cost of all tourist package makes 1260 dollars.
Therefore I should pay 960 dollars in addition.
My love, it would be excellent, if you to help me with it.
If you make money transfer to me or to the agent, we can meet soon.
I hope, that you are capable to help me and I have not thrown out those 400 dollars.
I dream of seeing you in person as soon as possible.

My darling, I will wait your answer. Inform, what you think of it?
Tell, you have what plans about our meeting? You will think up something romantic?
I promise to you, that we will have the best time in our life.

I miss you so much!
With Love.

The Vlad Math seems to be a bit off but Mals ain't gonna question that cause he is Smitten:

Quote:

My Darling Little Doll,

This sure is exciting news ain’t it? I’m at a complex loss for words and that’s not something that never no how ever happens to a Feller like me now does it? Wow is all I can say really cause that’s pretty much there is to be saying even though I’m as excited as that time when I went to see Angelo Mosca at the Memorial centre and he was gonna be Wrassling with that Masked Assassin Feller but then Big Ang didn’t show up and then neither did that guy in mask too! Aww I was disappointed but they still tried to put on a show with some Real Old Man and some young Kid who looked like he was getting pounded real Bad too it did! At least I hit him with my Soda when he was leaving and that kinda made my night though.

So I have some money that I set away for a Rainy day as Momma used to say so I think it’s time to say break open that Piggy Bank and spend it on my Lover Gal cause it’s our future we is talking bout ain’t it? Just thinking bout you a coming here gives me Goose Bumps bigger than Swans it does and I can hardly wait to break the icy stare of yours here and make you a good old supper in my own place and not the Truck neither but sitting at a table with Fancy Imported Roman Candles and knifes and forks too! That reminds me Darling do you celibate Halloween over there in Russia cause I bet you’d look real sexy in a costume like the Bride of Funkenstein or maybe that Vampira even.

So I don't know much of that Romantical stuff I sure will try to think of something to make you feel real sexy like and wanting to kiss me in all them special places that kissing needs doing for sure. How bout I tel you a joke instead cause I like them funny ones okay Honey Gal? Well this Feller is walking home on Halloween and his Wife decides to pull a funny on him and scare the BeJeezus outta him so she dresses up like the Devil and jumps outta the Bushes. Well I gotta tell you this Feller was a bit scared but said “Who are You???” And the Wife says back at him “I’m the Devil!!!!” So without Batting a Curve Ball the Feller gets back to her and says “Well c’mon home with me cause I done Married your Sister I did!” Ain’t that a knee Slapper there my Princess? I sure done figured you’d like it I did!

So before I take this load down to Chi-Town maybe you could have that Agent Feller send me a message so we can straighten this whole mess out soon and proper like if your Catching my Charlie Forty Roger.

Love,

Happy Halloween from Mals, OP and the Brides of Funkenstein:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ricgUNhTsHs

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 9:49 pm

Great success! No Creepy Photo today!!! Mind you the one I got the other day of her in the Slutty Dress wasn't too bad....

Quote:

Hello my love!

I am very glad to read your letter today! You have brought to me pleasure!
My love, I would like to be on this holiday Halloween with you!
I would prefer a suit of the sexual nurse! We would have amusing time!
My angel, write me your phone number, I wish to hear your voice!
I am happy, that we can spend fine time together!
Now I should pay travel cost, these are 960 dollars more.
The travel agency gives a guarantee, that I without problems will receive the visa.
The visa is ready for 90 days. If I do not receive the visa the tourist agency completely
will return all expenses, it is registered in the contract.
But for this purpose the tourist agency should supervise completely
all process of official registration of papers and tickets.
Therefore I should book tickets through tourist agency.
You should write me the airport where I should fly.
When you will send me 960 dollars and will write me the airport
I can inform you day when I will arrive to you!
Also I have learnt, that you can send me money with western union.
You should go to your bank and fill the receipt on a remittance.
When you will make it and will place money the operator of your bank will give you other receipt,
Where the confidential code of transfer will be written.
Write me your full name, a city and this confidential code,
And by means of it, I can receive money.
To send money, you will require also the address and my full name.
I will write it more low:

My name: Vlad or Boris or Something like that
The bank name: SVIAZ BANK
The address: SOVETSKAYA ULITSA 19
City: ULYANOVSK
Post code: 432063
The country: Russia

My love, I should go to agency to pay those 960 dollars.
If you can do it tomorrow it will be very good!
I can pay cost of a trip and inform flight to you!
I wish to be with you! I wish to feel you nearby.
Write me the letter soon! I kiss you.

Aww the Sexual nurse! Such Visions:

Mals is simply beside himself with glee at the moment. Well don't let me get in the way let's have him tell it like it is:

Quote:

Hey there my Lover Gal,

I am thinking bout you dressed up as that Nurse and probably won’t get a wink of sleep tonight no I won’t for sure for sure. I’m getting deep chills just thinking of it I am! Now speaking of Halloween I had some Feller say ‘Nice Costume’ to me like I was dressed up for a Party but I was only wearing my best Khakis and Checked Jacket with my Rubber boots so I don’t know if he was crazy as a Swan or been down at the Bar for happy Hour but it was kinda strange and then I was walking along and this Gal was attacked by a Peacock and it was trying to steal her nuts so I tried kicking it but the Dang thing sorta fluttered away after doing some right squawking it did.

Yeah My Nesting Doll I’d like to hear that deep gruff voice too cause that’d make my day. I’m imagining you sound just like that Sexy Miss Kitty from that Gunsmoke show but with a Russian Twang and a whole lot more like a three pack a day habit lover Gal. So I’ll try to be around to answer I will cept if I’m at the movies cause that’s rude to take calls there and it makes folk right ornery. Speaking of which they is playing a Double feature tonight which is always a nice surprise it is. Imagine I get to watch Add Momma to the Train and Who Reamed Roger Rabbitt all in one night! Aww I’m sorry I been rambling on like I been taking too many Mini-Whites but I hardly takes them no more at all since I been talking to you and looking at your Sweat photos cause I just can’t get any sleep thinking that you will be in the same room with me real soon like too! So heres my number call me maybe K7.

Now I don’t knows too much bout all that fancy Bankering stuff but I think its bestest if you gives me your Account cause then alls I has to do is transfer money right to you and then you’d be here quicker than I could say now wakes the hour; now sleeps the swan you will!

Well I best back on outta here Baby Gal so I kiss you too on them pretty lips that look just like pedals,

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

1) Yay for piggy friday!
2) Ahhhh! Nurse ratchet!
3) Gursh durnit! Durn song stuck in ma head again!

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:31 pm

^For some reason I knew you'd pick up on that. Muuhahhaaha (Does that sound diabolical ?).

Oh you forgot this:

4)lips that look just like pedals, - Bicycle Pedals

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 11:14 pm

I love Mals! I feel slightly proud of myself every time I'm able to follow one of his rambles. Laughing

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:05 am

Crap banking info, even for a vlad-your Russian doll needs to kick it up a notch!