I'm new here and here's some of my work

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 29 Aug 2013 Posts: 1

Hi there.
I'm new here and here's some of my work. It is about 2 years old.

Here we go. It all started with this email (reply to my CL ad and I don't even remember what I was selling...). :

Scammer
Hello
> I would like to make an urgent purchase of this item, kindly get back
> to me with the terms and conditions of it and if it still available to
> purchase, then i will make my purchase as soon as possible.
>
> Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Me
.............................
I will gladly sell this item to you.Payment can be made in cash, money order
> or check.Where do you want me to send this item?
> God bless you!

.........................................
Scammer
Thanks alot,

kindly get back with your PayPal email address so i can make payment
into your PayPal account.Once payment clears, shipment will be handled by me through my personal FedEx account, so you don't have to pay for shipment. Get back to me if my approval is granted so as to make the deal as soon as possible.

hoping to hearing from you soon.

.........................................
Me
I do not have PayPal account because I am a monk of St. Thomas and Aruba
> Order and we are forbidden to have accounts with PayPal because of the evil
> nature of the beast.All the proceeds from this sale will go to fight hunger
> in the poorest regions of the country such as Palm Beach FL, Greenweech, CT
> and Hamptons NY.Is there any other form of payment?
> May Jahve bless your soul and make your constipation endless!

Scammer:

Thanks for letting me know this, you can set up your own PayPal
account, it just so easy to open just logging to paypal.com and follow
there procedure there after that you have get your own account..Please
when you finish please let me know and i will be waiting for you as soon
as possible so as to send the money into your paypal account...

Another payment option i can make is Telegraphic Transfer TT by bank,
do have that too?

hoping to hearing from you soon.

Me:

> I know it is easy to open a PayPal account. But as I mentioned I am a monk
> and we are prohibited from having bank or PayPal or any other accounts.So the
> only acceptable from of payment for me would be a check or WU transfer.
> May our Lord extend your smile from ear to ear!

"Buyer":

okay...will Western Union be Okay for you? i hope that is what you
meant by WU Transfer
well, let me know so that by tomorrow i will know what to do

Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Me:

Hello,

You mentioned you will handle shipping using your FEDEX account.
Can you please explain how.
The reason I'm asking is that our holy order resides inside caves in snow-covered
mountains of Southwestern Connecticut.
We do not have roads here and no Fedex truck can make it up the mountain goat trails.
I will have to walk 3 days to the nearest Fedex location to drop a package.
Also if it will be shipped outside the US I will have to fill and submit customs form.
Please let me know.

May Allah guard your big hart (Side Effects May Include...nausea, vomiting, headaches, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, and mental retardation)

Scammer:
ok thanks for your reply.... and what do you mean by this?........May
Allah guard your big hart (Side Effects May Include...nausea,
vomiting, headaches, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, painful rectal
itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, and mental
retardation)

Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Oye.

Me:

Nothing, it's just our little prayer for you to be healthy.....

So what about shipping?

"Buyer":

okay. thanks for your reply

don't bother about the shipping payment, i will pay you for all effort
made so far also another $30 extra having calculated the total amount
together with shipping.

Th total amount of the item is $200+$30extra, after you send it, let
me know how much u spent for shipping.

So can you ship the item today and let me have the tracking number for
shipping for me to believe that the item has been confirmed shipped.

That will give me full access to the payment so that you get your
money as soon as possible.

Here is the shipping address...

Name: John Paul
Address: No 20, Osoba road, Oke-ilewo
City: Abeokuta
State: Ogun State
Country:Nigeria
Code:23439

Best Regards

Me:

Dear Olamilekan,

I assume I will get some proof of payment made before I start my journey to the nearest Fedex location?
Also I'd like to ask if you will be interested in more lucrative deal?
Our holy order of St. Thomas and Aruba helps one very famous computer company by building their products (cell phones and laptops) in our caves.
We do not accept money from them for our labor.
However they let us have some percentage of our production and sell it in order to support ourselves and our charities.
Will you be interested in purchasing several dozens of brand new high-end laptops and smartphones as a graduation gifts for all your children?
Prices are extremely low.
I will patiently wait for your approval and hope we can conclude our business
with fiery pleasure of a rectal exam!
May Allah grant you pleasant tinkling in your testicles!

"Buyer":

ok thanks for your reply.

i understand your comment and making large profit of deal is no problem

So let me have details for available laptops and smartphones, i mean
"names, prices and quantity available" then i will know make my
purchase as soon as possible....plsss i really need to save time.

i think with this, the deal will be more faster and easier to make
payment being a lucrative deal.

Thanks

Ola.

Me:

Ola,

We build MacBook Pro with 19" screen and iPhones G4.
You can find all the specifications on Apple web site.
Price depends on a quantity desired.
Please let me know who many do you wish to purchase.

May the brightness of God's face light your path in life
and provide you with great savings on your electric bills (same
as Hi gives us in our dark caves of Connecticut mountain peaks)

Scammer:

Ok..thanks for your reply.

I will like to order for like 20qty of Laptops, 40qty of Hi
Phones..... i will give to my children out of it for their gruaduation
gifts and send the rest to a friend of my to help me purchase them so
as to make money/profit from it, and i want you to pls give me a good
prices and good quality items.

So kindly get back to me if my purchases meet your item availabe in
stock...ok. give me prices, names and if my qty cannot meet your qty,
let me know as well, then we proceed.

Don't forget the quotations i required for......names, prices, qty.....plss

hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola.

Best regards

Me:
Aloha!

We have over a thousand laptops and phones in stock, so it wouldn't be a problem.
All items pass rigorous quality control, so the are guaranteed to be 100%
functional. It is the only way to do the job, otherwise we will loose the whole business to Tibetian
monks.
By the way: if you decide to buy more than 25 laptops (or 50 phones) you will be entitled
to some very nice incentives as a member of our Holy C.R.A.P. program (Customer Retention and Appreciation Program).
You will be able to receive up to 25% discount on all subsequent purchases.
Also you will be entitled to:
Free checks from "In God We" Trust and Bank
Preferential treatment at Pearly Gates
Free upgrade from 72 virgins in paradise to 100 Virgins Plus (Victoria Secret grade)
And many other. The full-color brochure will be included with your shipment.

There are some rules we have to follow for every large shipment.
Please let me know if you agree to the quantities I proposed and we will discuss further...

I hope we will have a very successful business transaction and at the end we all will happily go into sunset singing "Hare Krishna!"

Piece, man!

"Buyer":

ok...thanks for you reply

sorry it took me so long to reply, just that i have to confirm from
that my friend before i proceed with this large quantity
transaction....and he has just assured me that there is no problem
morealso, he told me that they are having short of items in stock now,
he said further, that if the items can quickly arrive, he will buy
them from me before he purchase from another shopping centre and i
think that gives me chances to discuss further with you..ok

so here goes my order....50pics of laptops......100pics of phones
which i think i should deserves a good price and discount to be
given...ok

so calculate the total amount for 50pics laptops, 100pics of phone and
i will give you $350 for shipping which i think it should be enough
for you and if not still get back to me....if any problem kindly get
back to me as well......ok

Pls i really need to save time for things to go well and front...ok

hopping to hearing from you soon with the details so far.....ok

Ola.

Best regards.

Me:
Greetings!

No problem! I understand you have to check the whole deal with your accomplices.
So I went to the financial cave and here what we can offer:

Apple® - MacBook® Pro / Intel® Core™ i5 Processor / 17" Display / 4GB Memory / 500GB Hard Drive - Aluminum.
Retail price $2,299. Your price for 50 pics is $900

iPhone G4 with 32 GB memory.

Retail price $399. Your price for 100 pics is $50.

So total price would be $50,000 excluding shipping.

Please get back to me with approval for my proposal of your approved quantities of my proposed items.

After that we can talk about shipping.

Meanwhile I have to run to help other monks to shovel snow.
We had an avalanche which totally isolated our Research and Development cave from the outside world, so now we
have to help our trapped inside brothers to get out.

Dios te bendiga! Be your days full of joy and orgasms and be your nights blessed with recurrent reminiscences
of Chucky , his seed and Lady Gaga's music!

Scammer:
ok.......thanks for your reply.......sorry i forgot to attach the
Purchase Order (PO)

i have attached the Purchase Order (PO) for the approval for your
proposal of the approved quantities of my proposed items.

So i will be waiting for your Purchase Invoice (PI) so that i can make
the payment as soon as possible...ok. Don't forget to include the
shipping cost...

Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola.

Best regards.

And some REALLY fake purchase order....(don't have it anymore)

Me:

Aloha again,

I am very sorry, but we have to dig a lot of snow.
Also some of our mules got injured and we might have to transfer injured animals and financial folks to the nearest village Which happens to be Greenwich Village. We will talk to village people and ask them to take care
of our livestock.
So I will be busy today.
I'll get back to you tomorrow.

Meanwhile you can relax your bowels and may Allah
protect your investments!

Scammer:
ok..thanks for your reply.

Did you got my Purchase Order *(PO) right?

Well, no problem i still wait for your Purchase Invoice (PI) so that i
can go and make the payment as soon as possible and hope u have kept
all the details i sent to you included in the PO..thanks for that.

Just pls i need to make this a quick action so that i don't loose the
transaction with that my friend..ok

I relly need to save time.....plsss

Hoping to hearing from you soon

Me:
Dear Ola,

I received your PO and forwarded it to our Sales Cave.
Unfortunately damage from the last avalanche was very bad.
I hope they will be able to send you an invoice today or tomorrow the latest.
Meanwhile attached is a letter from our CEO.

May Allah grant you His merciful aid to you and heal your mental injuries!

'Buyer":

ok...thanks very much.

While i awaits the PI, have a wonderful day......cheersss and sorry
for the damages likewise its season in my place but thank God for
everything....Amen

hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola.

Best regards.

Me:
Salam aleikum, Ola!

Things are moving along here.
We had avalanches before, but this one hit us pretty hard.
Water from melting glacier damaged all our Viagra supplies.
We use it to supplement our dragon's food so their wings are stiff enough and
they can deliver all our outgoing messages to the SMTP server faster.
That's why our communications are a bit slow now.
The worst part is that our financial folks, while being trapped inside their cave
started Texas hold 'em tournament and now, when we almost dug the cave's door, they
refuse to go out until they are finished.
Thanks Allah they are already at the final table.

I also attached a picture taken by one of our monks yesterday.
You can see yourself the amount of snow we have to remove!
And you can clearly see me there!

I was told that you will get our Holy S.H.I.T (Shipping, Handling and International Transfers) today.
It's a good news!

May Thor sharpen your battle axe to fight your delusions!

Regards

Mitch

And another one from me (different email account):
Dear Ola!

It is with the deepest sadness and sorrow that we have to inform you that your business counterpart brother Mitchell Rapp was found dead this afternoon.
Witnesses report that this morning he was reading internet blogs about various Nigerian scams. After that he was observed running around caves yelling “I see dead people!” and shortly after that was found dead as a door nail near the dragons' runway.
Attached is a picture of our dear brother taken shortly after his body was discovered.
We are very sorry that you had to take so much Holy Crap and Holy Shit from him.
However it is our mutual feeling here at the Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba that you well deserve it.

By the way: do you want to purchase several hundred turbocharged V8 snow blowers or medium size aircraft carrier which we have readily available?
No? Really? Didn’t think so…..

Sincerely

Father Darth Vader
Prior of the Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba

Father Adolph Saddam Stalin
Director of Customer Retention and Appreciation Program

Scammer:
ok....thanks for your reply

Well this is not really pretty good to hear and also while reading
this, i don't know how much i felt over it and feelings i had for him.

May God Almighty accept his soul, consider and console his family and
may God make days of bad news far from our life now and always.
IJN...AMEN

Once a again, sorry for any inconvenience this might have cause either
from the family, company, friend and others, may GOD Almighty restore
and console every soul this disaster might have affected. AMEN.

MAY HIS SOUL REST IN GOOD AND PERFECT PEACE...IN JESUS NAME... AMEN

Ola.

And another one from him:
ok...thanks for your reply so far....,,okay

By the way, don't you have any laptop readily available, i dont mind
any quantity i get?

Again, let me have pics of those you said they are readily available
"turbocharged V8" and price, quantity available as well.

Pls i really need to save time...okay

Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola.

Me:
"Greetings, my son!
Let me welcome you to the Dark Side!

We all just returned from our beloved brother Mitchell Rapp's funeral.
It was beautiful (but sad) ceremony.
His remains were laid on the altar and our oldest dragon burned Mitchell body with
his holy fiery breath!
Attached is a small picture of that unforgettable moment.
But life goes on.
Back to the business at hand. Unfortunately Mitchell's death messed up our sales.
Just this morning we shipped 250 of our laptops to Nigeria (ironic, isn't it?).
We will not resume manufacturing for some time because our brothers at Financial Cave still
at the final table. Also Battery Park in New York City can not provide batteries for the laptops anymore.
So I am very sorry, but we will not be able to fulfill your request regarding Macbooks.
However there is hope. Our Nigerian customer (located in Ibadan) accidentally wired more money than he owed us, so we shipped
him 50 more laptops. He doesn't need them, so you can take them if you want to.
Payment can be made later.

As for our turbocharged V8 snowblowers I attach another picture so you can
take a look.
Do you prefer 19" chrome wheels or regular stock?

And you still not interested in that medium size aircraft carrier, aren't you?
Just checking...

After all I have a strange feeling that we are more than business partners.
Aren't we related somehow?

In any case... may Budha bless you by greatly improving your mental abilities!

Sincerely

Father Darth Vader
Prior of the Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba"

"Buyer":

ok...thanks for your reply.

Once again sorry for any inconvenience his death might have caused,
God Almighty will restore and take control of everything accordingly
IJN. AMEN.

I dont want to understand you anymore because you are really making
things pissing me off, let me just know what item(s) you really want
to supply me....ok

Well, to cut the long story short, do you have any brand of mobile
phone, Laptop or any electronics available now to purchase?

The 50 laptops....are they in Ibadan or your in your stock?

Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola

Best regards.

Me:

Dear Ola,

As I said 50 extra laptops are already in Ibadan.
I wish I can tell you more, but we have to go to our evening
prayer at the main pyramid and perform a Human sacrifice in our brother Mitchell's memory.
Please send me your questions if you still have any and I will get back to you.

May the Force be with you!

Sincerely

Father Darth Vader
Prior of the Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba

Scammer:
"ok...thanks for your reply

then how can i get laptops?
Hoping to hearing from you soon.

Ola.

Best regards"

Time to end this thing.
Me:

"Dear Mr. Olamilekan!

With tears in my eyes and greatest sadness I have to deliver a horrible news.
Today I went into Father Darth Vader's office to fetch his usual
snack (warm blood and croissant).
Father Darth was sitting on his throne holding printout of your latest email.
Suddenly he kissed the paper, whispered "Ola, I am your father!" and
died right there!
According to our ancient traditions there will be a 7 days mourning period.
All snow around our caves will be painted black, all erected penises will be lowered half-mast
and those damn financial guys will have to finally finish their Texas holdem tournament.
He will be remembered forever in our minds, prayers and Facebook pages.

On his desk he left his final B.L.O.W. M.E. (Binding Legal Obligatory Will - Mandatory Edition) in which he leaves you $20 to cover your copayment for you visit to the psychiatric facility for mental evaluation and treatment.

Sincerely

Princess Leia Amidala Skywalker
Executive Secretary
Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba.

P.S. Oh, and I hate to do this, but I simply have to... Are you sure you are not interested in a medium size aircraft carrier?"

Scammer:
"Yes.....laptops and mobile phones or common electronics is all i need.....oaky

Ola

Thanks"

Me:
"Dear Mr. Olamilekan!

As you already know both Father Vader and brother Rapp are dead now.
I am not really familiar with your business dealings.
Unfortunately nobody else can take over this deal right now because of 7 day mourning period.
And after that all brotherhood is leaving for Las Vegas for little RNR in Cheetah's strip club for another
week.
I wish I can go with them, but I am still chained to my office desk by Jabba the Hutt, so
my freedom is a bit limited.
Upcoming funeral for Father Vader should be fun!
Black snow outside looks amazing!
Music is blaring from our PA system and all our crocodiles are crying non-stop!
Catering service "Pig Out LLC" for the funeral is already setting tables in our headquarters cave.
With an open bar it sure will be a blast!
We will wrap everything with huge bonfire and amazing fireworks.

So all in all if you can hang on for another week or two somebody sure as hell will contact you about
those 50 laptops which are waiting for you in Ibadan.

Best regards

Princess Leia Amidala Skywalker
Executive Secretary
Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba.

P.S. Oh, just want to check... Are you sure you are
not interested in a medium size aircraft carrier? "

"Buyer":

ok...thanks for your reply.

When it is set and everything is cool and Okay, kindly get back to me...aiigh

Thanks alot

"Ola!

All guys left for Vegas and I'm sitting in my hot tub alone.
Couple candles, bottle of wine - and nobody around!
I am so lonely!
I had a boyfriend, but kicked him out of my cave after this bastard
cheated on me with his leggy assistant Harry. What a jerk!
Do you have a girlfriend? Are you married?
Oh god! I wish somebody is here right now to rub my back!!!
By the way: my ex-boyfriend was some kind of big boss in a major
electronic company.
And he left me a box with various latest electronic thingies.
iPad, some cool mini laptops and the latest which called iSwallow.
He said I definitely have to try it. Don't know about it.
Probably I will sell everything so nothing left in my cave that reminds
me of him.

Talk to me please

Your

Princess Leia Amidala Skywalker
Executive Secretary
Holy Order of St. Thomas and Aruba."

Scammer:

"ok...thanks for your reply

Am still single...okay
So are those ipads and kool mini laptops available ready to purchase,
if yes then knidly get back to me details and quantities availabe and
i will make my order...okay
Hopping to hearing from you soon.

Ola
Best regards."

Me:

" Look,

You seem like a really nice guy.
Can you keep a secret?
There is one thing my ex-boyfriend told me when he was drunk,
but he said if I tell anybody I'll be in a big trouble.
I really like you, but do you promise to keep a secret???

Your Leia S."

Scammer:

"ok...thanks for your reply

go ahead...feel free to express your mind and what about the items
Ola

Best regards."

Oh yeah, I will express my mind!

Me:

"Do you think all that companies (Apple, Dell, Hewlett Packard) really
build all their phones, iPods and laptops in factories?
Hell no!
They just tell you they do to make you pay more money!
In truth they discovered the way to simply clone them!
Just like a copy machine: you put let's say iPhone in it and in 5 minutes
you have an exact working copy!!! Can you believe it?
And it costs them almost nothing - may be just what they pay for
electricity!
What a rip-off!
My ex-boyfriend actually showed me how to do that and in 30 minutes I had
4 iPods. One for my gym, one for my bath, one for my car and one I gave
to my best friend Kama Sutra.

I can tell you how to do that, but you have to promise me it will stay
just between us two!

Love

L"

Scammer:

""ok...thanks for your reply.
What's your point? can u pls proceed

Ola.
Best regards."

What's my point? You're a freaking idiot - that's what! However it's not personal. It's just business..

Me:

"My point is that you don't have to spend your money buying this stuff,
waiting for shipment to arrive, deal with customs and so on...
You can simply copy any small electronic device right in your home...
Nobody knows about it (except those snobs in big companies who make
billions off that)

Your L"

Scammer:

"ok..thanks for your reply

Interesting and so what do you say above all?

Ola.
Best regards"

Me:

"What I am saying is: if I tell you how to do that will you try?
Just you have to promise me to keep it a secret!

L"

Scammer:
"ok....thanks for your reply

thats no problem, go ahead i will make it real

Ola.

Best regards"

Me:

"So here it goes. And remember - nobody should know about this!!!!

Let's say you want to copy your iPhone.
You have to follow these steps:
- remove phone's battery (or you can damage it)
- cut a piece of plastic the size of the phone
- now you have to calibrate a microwave (I hope you have a microwave oven). To do so set it to 5 minutes and press Start.
Check time using your watch. If it dings in exactly 5 minutes it is calibrated. If not you will have to
turn it off manually exactly after 5 minutes.
- now put that piece of plastic inside the oven. Put your phone EXACTLY over the plastic.
- close the door and set power to "High" and timer to 5 minutes. Don't forget to check with your watch!
- Press Start when you are ready.
There will be popping sounds and sparkles. My brother Scotty explained that at this point all the
molecular bindings beamed up (I don't really understand all that algebra!).

After 5 minutes turn off your microwave, open the door and let it cool for another 5 minutes.

That's all. Simple, huh?

Enjoy the ride

Your L."

Scammer:

"OK...THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY

I WILL TAKE TIME TO START THAT...OKAY

OLA.

BEST REGARDS."

And I never heard from him again. Microwave oven exploded????

Well, that's all.
I'm working on another one and post it when it is complete.

Master Baiter Joined: 30 May 2013 Posts: 145

Thanks for the laugh. Laughing

I'm new here and here's some of my work	View next topic View previous topic