Lena on Me

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Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

You show 'em who's pig boss Oscar!

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:47 pm

^Sho nuff!

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals. I again write you a long letter. I hope, you don't tired read it.
My parents never had the bank account. They are already old, it only to receive pension. They have no to use bank accounts and they at there is no account. I can ask the girlfriend or the aunt, can can help me. You could send to them on the bank account?
And again you in my dreams. And we with you together. And to us very good together. I hug you strongly-strongly. I consider that sincere embraces should be strong...
As well as my feelings... Those pure feelings which I test to you. As to me it is pleasant that you with me in my dreams! In them we don't leave. Also we do not gather!
Because we lead the most fantastic and unforgettable minutes together. Mals, I want to give you all not dissipated love which has been collected in my heart.
I yours. And you with me...I mentally I always with you. I will always support you a difficult minute. You hear? I with you. Know it. For now we together only in my dreams.
But, I all the same dream about you .You know, what my dreams? They the most fantastic and light! And all thanks to you. I feel you.
Amazingly: even when you are far from me, I feel that you so are close; I feel your breath; a tangency of your lips; I hear your voice. I so love you, my sun! Very soon we will together.
Only you and me. I want to make you happy. I know, you will make me very happy too. After all the love is a keen desire of happiness to the loved one. And you so are close to me!
I know you not so long ago, but even for the short period of our acquaintance you became for me the beloved. I as if know you very much for a long time. No, even earlier.
And still before... Probably we were familiar in past life. Together by the unsinkable ship of love we will float on waves of ocean of unsolved passions, we will open doors in the world of unfulfilled desires.
Know that on light there lives the person, for which your name - not an empty phrase and which loves you very very much.
I love you, my Mals. You the best for me. Kiss you and hug. Your Lena.

Aw yes the unsinkable ship of love! Thanks Lena now I've got this crap going through my head:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_wFEB4Oxlo

My Mother loved this show and would watch it every chance she could but one fateful weekend at the cottage while it was pissing rain Global had a 'Love Boat A Thon' Luckily my Brother in Law ran out of beer and we had to run to town for more. That didn't work though as they played back to back episodes for what seemed like forever. Sweet liquor eases the pain....

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

I sure do like your long letters I do! Can't say reading your sweat words would ever bore me to tears no it wouldn't for sure for sure.

Most certainly I cans sends all the money to your girlfriend or Aunt cause that's the bestest way and safe for you too Darling Baby Doll it is.

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:31 pm

Shucks no account (yet):

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals. At last I write you the letter, my Mals. as though good, if you were near to me now.
You gently would embrace me and would be very warm and cozy together to us. I know that we are divided by thousand kilometers but when I write to you,
feel that I whisper words of love to you on an ear...Also I know that you hear me...
ok, I will speak with the girlfriend and with the aunt. I hope who that will help me with it and I will give you bank details. If you still doubt and do not trust these systems. You can check up it on a website. You can learn all in detail and about safety. Westy Link
I so want you to see in real! We soon will meet, I promise. I very much wait for this moment. Important only that we had enough patience to wait that moment when heart will jump out of a breast,
lips will repeat a favourite name, a brain as hours will be made by return readout, as at spaceship launch.
The ship which will lift us on a white, soft, fluffy cloud of happiness where we will stir, having lowered feet downwards...
Last night I long couldn't fall asleep. I so would like that you could hug me, tell that missed, to meet with you a dawn...
I have closed eyes, and for an instant it seemed that you nearby that I embrace you, kiss you...
But I understand that you far now and would be desirable to cry. But I won't cry, I promise, my love.
I love you so much and love only you, you know it. Kiss and hug you. Your Lena.

If you read most of Lena's stuff as if you are the Ultimate Warrior doing a Promo it becomes much more palatable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF4ZTcuhixc

Anyhow Mals was kinda busy today so Lena didn't get any songs or jokes or much of anything really:

Quote:

My Darling Russian Princess,

We'll be together real soon so don't worry a bit bout that no how. When you gets me that there account I can make sure everything is transferred safe and secure like.

Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2013 11:48 pm

Hell Hath Frozen over as Lena sent me a message on the weekend. Now it is probably one from earlier but it is a start:

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals.
Again I write you the letter because I love very much to write you letters, love letters. I know that you wait for mine the letter and read them with pleasure.
In mine letters I put all my love....It is completely not difficult to me to write to you every day because I love you.
Our life goes in this joyful world as if the mighty river follows windings of coast, passes through thresholds and dams where fast where slow where deep where small,
but whatever she was, she opens a generous hand before everyone huge riches of possibilities to rejoice, be in pleasure and in love, to fill with pleasure and love all our life and her each step.
I am very happy that we have found each other that we soon will together and we will give each other pleasure, happiness and certainly love.
You are the best, my Mals. When at last we will be together!! I know, that I hurry time, but I want to be with you now.
You are my sun. You are my love.I miss you so much and I love you the most. You know it, my Mals. See you soon.
I wait you. Kiss and hug. Your Your Lena.

Yaaawn....

Quote:

You sure do know how to make a feller blush you do. I'm so happy you feels the same way I does cause that's a big ten four it is!

Alls Mals is wanting is a Bankering Account cause he was Double Dog Dared for sure for sure so whats seemings to be the problems here Lena (if that is your real name?).

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

I went all playground on the masked man and your idiot went all Lanny Poffo! Something ain't right here.

Posted: Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:55 pm

^That made me spew the other day and well it happened again when I read it today...I thought Lena had gone away on me so I gave her a kick on Monday and received this Piece O Crap:

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals. I write you letter again, because I can't don't write.
I urgently should pay for the air ticket. Today called from tour agency and has asked to extinguish other part for the air ticket. To prepare all documents for me.
I always try tell you, how much I love you, my Mals. I love you because you put a smile on my face. I love you because of your kindness and tenderness.
I love you, because you my dear friend and my love man. I love you and I want to be near to you. I want to hug you and to forget about all.
Only I and you. I love you because you listen to me and even if you don't agree with me, you listen with desire to understand me.
I love you because you respect me though you tease sometimes. I love you that you appreciate me. I love you the most. I miss you.
See you soon. Your Lena.

Must get Vlad account:

Quote:

Aww My Princess,

Your words is so sweet. I do love you too!!!

Please Little Lady send me the Bank information and I'll get you the money you need right away.

Posted: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:46 pm

Quote:

Hi my love Mals.
ok, today I meet the aunt. I will ask it bank details. You are ready to send money for the bank account? There will be data at my aunt. Please tell to me, if yes. I will give all bank details in the following letter. I do on faster to meet you.
A million kisses for you, my dear Mals.
Love and kisses

Pushkin she ain't that's a for sure for sure. Oh well this crap is really starting to bore me and maybe I'll let it go eh?

Quote:

have met the aunt, have told about all. Has asked about the help. I have for you good news.
Know, I have learnt that my aunt works now in bank. They to me has in detail explained how you can translate on the bank account.
My aunt has given the bank details. My aunt says that to be necessary for you this data:

Beneficiary: KIRIEVSKAYA DUBRAVA VLADIMIROVNA
Account of beneficiary: Vladish Numbers
Intermediary: JPMORGAN CHASE BANK, N.A., NEW YORK, NY, US,
SWIFT: Blah
Account With Institution: AVANGARD BANK, MOSCOW, RU
SWIFT: Blah

After you will transmit this money it will occupy some days. Approximately 5 days or are more. I will need to know from you your full name.
I should inform it that from what will come money. I hope now you you can freely send money. I will wait from you for news.

In celebration of this not so momentous occasion I've asked Boney M to perform a Ditty:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

Nice, very nice!
Seeing how

Quote:

Know, I have learnt that my aunt works now in bank

you will be getting another account, know?
Also for the placing of another know you tube celebrations, yes.
I hate vlads. Hate.

Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:57 pm

^Turn that hatred into a weapon of er well i don't know what but do it anyway. I love Vlads because they ROCK (right Capone?) and when you get them off script you get these gems...oh wait that's not all that good but read on:

Quote:

I love you and I adore. I want to see you. I wait for your letters. I do not understand, still any letter. What happens?

It took me a month of shirking my official duties at the Cracker Factory for this? Well Fvck me! Best waste some more time:

Quote:

Hey there My Russian Princess,

My Love please do not worry I was busy on the road and just now saw your sweet message. It sure is nice that worries bout me so it is!

Very very ridiculous!

Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:22 pm

Vlad's are where it's at, Oscar. The off script possibilities are endless. I think my next project is get one in chat or on Skype. They avoid that like the plague.

Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:59 pm

^Please try your Darnedest! Tis a Dream of mine that keeps getting shattered. This one headed me off at the pass before I could even propose such greatness so I am guessing 'She' has been Baited before. Well that's good too I suppose....

Posted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:02 pm

Since Lena is off script the humor has left the building:

Quote:

Hi my love Mals.
You have received my information? You have told waits only bank details. So now, I very much wait from you for news. I wait, when you can transfer money for the air ticket. Please inform me. I very much worry.
Love and kisses

Don't Vorry Baby Cakes you'll get the news:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

You sure do worry a lot don't you? Have no fear there Little Lover Gal as I'm off to the Bank right now so we should be cuddling up real close like by this time next week.

I sure hope nothing happens on the way to Bank...Wait a minute what Bank? Aww I is having these spells again and well you know its bad enough when that there DOT Feller might be pulling my License so don't you be telling no one you copy there don't you Good buddy?

Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:06 am

Vlads off script; The Yawn of the Century? Naw this is worth the four or so weeks of Bliss! You can't argue with this:

Quote:

So, what do i do for fun...well, that depends on my mood, weather and lots of circumstances.

OR This:

Quote:

At me fine character, is sociable, sympathetic, kind, betrayed, truthful and is frank...

AND since we are here:

Quote:

Reading that takes separate and very important place in my life. Also I can add, that I am easy-going person and can be busy with lots of things...

Who wouldn't want a Piece of that? Anyhow My Lena Speaks:

Quote:

My love Mals. I will wait from you for news. I wish you good weekend. I hope to see your letters and I hope to hear news. I love you very strongly. I trust you and I give myself. Very much I kiss and I embrace. Write to me about the day. How you spend a free time? That you do now.

What bothers me is the fact that I know what the heck that crap means. Very much I kiss and I embrace:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,
Aww you sure is the worrying one ain’t you? Well I tells you don’t be never minding no how cause that’s not no problem no how okay? So you was asking bout my day and I wants to tell you real quick like cause the Pizzas coming and it’s a double sausage so you know its gonna be a gutbuster eh?
Dang it I nearly forgot to tell you, me and C.W. went Bowling today and he got himself a Double Double after climbing on Peter Mansbridge he sure enough did! VLucky Bastard (Sorry for the Cussing Baby Doll but he really is a Lucky Bastard).
My Nesting Doll I know this sounds kinda well different I guess so bear with me if that’s okay with you.

Vlads Rock!!!!!!!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

Sounds like you're having a good time, eh?
Your Vlad is entertaining. Mine, not so much.

Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:06 am

You just have to tolerate the first 4-5 letters. There are vlads that actually read the responses and will answer questions, buried in the script. Then you drop the bomb....

Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:58 pm

Lena is getting a wee bit Vorried:

Quote:

Hi my love Mals.
You are interested in my trip? Or you only want to write letters? I want to know. Because at me now holiday also it is ready to you to arrive. I only need to pay for the air ticket. If is not present, so tell to me fairly. Because I should that that to inform in tour agency and to cancel a trip. Please tell to me. Because I cannot arrive to you without your help. And so I wanted, that we have met, that we were happy. That you have helped me to pay for the air ticket. That you could send money for the ticket. After I at once I will arrive to you.
Love and kisses

Yeah yeah vhatever:

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals.
I miss you desperately, my Mals.. I love you so much and you know it, because I talk you it every day and will tell again and again. I very much was delighted that you to send me money. But why you not spoke nothing. Why spoke nothing, when you will send money.Tell to me, in what day you have transferred money? I need to know date, I need to know your full name. I should from what name money have come on the bank account. I should know this information. Because my aunt demands it. Speaks you can have translated nothing. Here therefore I should know it. I wait, after I will inform my aunt. I love you with all my heart. I adore you with all my heart too. I want to be with you now, always , forever. I want the gentle touch of your hands, have your warm hugs, your loving and sensual kisses. I want feel of your warm skin, the thrill of holding your hand. I am amazed at what you do to my heart. I want to sleep with you in one bed. I want feel your love, my Mals.. When we to be together, I will happy. I love you the most, my Mals..
Kiss and hug you. Your Lena.

Best turn on the Old Dryzdale Charm:

Quote:

Aww My Russian Nesting Doll,

Don't you worry yer Pretty little head over nuthing cause I gots it all looked after I do and you can take that to the pipe and smoke if you gets my Charlie Forty Roger you can! Now your sweatest of all sweaty words kinda makes me Lonesome tonight. Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart Baby Doll? Cause I sure am for sure for sure and Honey, you NEVER lied when you said you loved me. And sure enough I had no cause to doubt you. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies. Than go on living without you. And that's a Big Ten-Four it is!

Love,

Mals

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5380

Quote:

I want to sleep with you in one bed

HUSSY!!!!! Vhat kind of girl says that before bank transfer? Oh, nevermind.

Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:31 am

So, what's the difference between a vlad and a lad?

I love Mals, he makes my heart sing. I had an Uncle who was a trucker and loved listening (when I was a little girl) of him talking on his CB.

Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:03 pm

Stickies proliferate on that questions. Lads are primarily West African, vlads FSU and Ukraine.

Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:14 pm

^^^ Thanks Capone Very Happy

Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:12 pm

Forgot-phelads-east Asian-although nobody ever uses it!

Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:04 am

SomeBuddyAtHome Wrote:

Quote:

I love Mals

I’ll admit that I’ve grown fond of him myself although you must understand that this is just one incarnation of him or as TruckerMals would say a Reintarnation. Mals started off as an evil banker and who would have thunk it with a name like Malburn Dryzdale eh? After that he became a Reverend with the Holy Order Of The Everlasting Righteous Savior, The Biggest Fudge Packer in all of West Dakota, The Producer/Owner of ‘Dirty Sanchez Entertainment Inc.’ and Lest we forget the World Leader in the manufacturing of Veeblefetzers. But enough about that let’s pick on a Vlad for a few more days:

Quote:

My aunt has checked up the bank account. Money has not come, called in bank. Has learnt about, whether money has been sent. No, into its account nobody sent any money. Money would be, if you have sent. Why so? What happens, why you could not send money? You do not want to help me? At me now it is so much questions to you. Why you did not write that you send money. After you have received bank details, you were gone for some days. After you speak to me has sent money. But as, if money has not come. It seems to me that you hide that. You have changed the mind?

Aww My Little Nesting Doll I ain't changed my mind none at all no how. You see I was never gonna sends you no money so what's the big deal here anyhows? No I didn't tell 'Her' that but I wanted to:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

What are you cusing me of? I sure don't like that tone of yours no how. You already done told me it could take five days for this sort of thing so I guess maybe it just ain't there yet is all.

Now I wants you to calm down and tell me more sweet words cause this is hurting my feelings real bad like it is!

I figured I would get a reprieve but Lena jumped at the response:

Quote:

If you have sent money on Friday, they should come. Today the sixth day. Really I am not right? I very much love you. I want to be with you. I wish to see you. I consider days everyone, when I will see you.

Sheesh this is getting tense! Best allay them there fears:

Quote:

My Baby Doll,

I guess I'll have to get my hide on down to the Bank and see what the heck is going on then won't I? I don't know much bout this fancy Bankering stuff so your gonna hafta bear with me Darling Gal. So I oughta get there later today after I pick up my good khakis from the cleaners. My Dog Sergeant Yorkie done must of gotten into some of them Africodesiacs and made a big old mess he did! Sure hope you likes dogs My Russian Princess cause I always has one with me when I'm on the road as it helps fill that empty void that the Lizards just can't take care of none if you understand my meaning. I'm 10-10 on the side so I best back on out of here.

Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:56 am

^^^ this:

Quote:

Sure hope you likes dogs My Russian Princess cause I always has one with me when I'm on the road as it helps fill that empty void that the Lizards just can't take care of none if you understand my meaning.

Oh my,

poor puppy!

I wish you could see how I envision Mals because seeing him with a little yorkie just cracks me up!! <-- not in the way Mals described, mind you!

Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 10:19 pm

^That was unintentional honest (This is my honest face):

Quote:

Hello, my love Mals. How are you today? I hope, you okay. ok, I hope learn in bank that happens with transfer. Because I worry i-for it. I worry of you again. I worry, because I love you so much. I again write you the letter. I do it every day and I afraid what sometime to come to an end all words. Though,I know what good words for you never to come to an end. Today I again dreamed, as we will be together and as to us it will be good together. I want to walk with you a hand and hand and that all people looked and envied our happiness. After all on the earth there is nobody more happily us. Yes, my love? I love you my good man. I love you my the best man. I love you my Mals. Kiss and hug you. See you soon. Your Lena.

Now we are at make or break time. Will Lena cough up another account? Hope so....

Quote:

Aww My Princess,

I sure do love you a whole bunch to and can't wait until the day we can meet in person and get all close and personal like cause that would make me the Happiest Trucker in the whole wide world of sports it would for sure! I hopes you is having a good day cause I sure am now after reading your nice words and sharing them there Dreams too!

Now My Little Doll I went and saw that Banker Feller late Yesterday and he done told me that the transfer was rejected cause of some technical difficulty with your Aunt's account he did. This made me kinda blue thinking about you it did. And I'll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree. Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me!

So you think your Aunt or Friend has another Bank account we can try so I can get everything you is deserving real quick like my Little Laddy? I just wants this over with so you can get your money and then we all will be happy and together. That's right My Russian Lady Love it'll just be you me and Sergeant Yorkie from then on in it will! You sure is gonna love him I a figuring because you is just that kind of person I'm thinking; one who don't mind sharing her love with man's best friend.

Posted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:42 pm

Getting a Second Account out of a Vlad is complicated:

Quote:

My love Mals. With the bank account of my aunt an order, there are no problems. It is possible to translate money without problems. It at you there what problems. If you have problems with it. You can easily send through western union on my name. There are no problems and it is not necessary to search for the bank account at others. If you want to help me sincerely you will send money through western union. If is not present, have gone on the bank account of my aunt. It can be made without problems. I will wait from you for news. Yours Lena.

Now I very rarely agree to go to Westy as I am a Greedy sort and by Greedy I mean real Greedy. Swine is where it's at! TruckerMals made an attempt though:

Quote:

My Little Nesting doll,
You sure is right about that so I figured that I would head right on down to the Western Union Office with One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey! Well, there's too much traffic, I can't pass, no!
So I tried my best illegal move and that’s when the Hokey Pokey like trouble started Baby Gal cause A big black and white come and crushed my groove again! Now they is Gunna Go on & write me up for 125!!! What’s making things more worser By gawd My Russian Princess is they wanna Take my license n' all that jive they do for sure for sure. What’s don’t they understand here Little Lady is I can’t drive 55! Oh No! Uh! Then that Dang Judge said something like I'm gonna throw your ass in the city joint and then he Looked me in the eye, said, "You get my point?"
I said Yeah!, Oh yeah! Well what else could I says to him Darling cause he is kinda in charge round here and he runs the Bingos every second Saturday down at the Legion he does! Well in my defense I done told him that When I drive that slow, you know it's hard to steer. And I can't get my car out of second gear. What used to take two hours now takes all day. Huh - It took me 16 hours to get to L.A.!
Sadly he didn’t buy it Baby Lover and now I can’t get to the Werstern Union on time but I can still do a Bank Transfer from here so how bout you try and gets me another account so we cans be together quicker than something I can’t really think about right now cause they is bringing in our Supper and I can smell what they is cooking!

Heard my 'Inspiration' on the radio this morning:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvV3nn_de2k