More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote

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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 10:56 pm

From Barrister who refuses to send second bank account to report:

Quote:

the only way out now is either you used Money Gram or Western union

My Reply:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

You forgot the third option.

Regards,

Bradley

Posted: Tue May 12, 2015 3:11 pm

My character has been in a car accident, leaving him "vocally impaired" (as he puts it - I needed an excuse not to call or to be called, not ready for that), impotent and with a gruesomely mangled face. That doesn't stop poor, orphaned refugee Anna to love him with all her heart and from wanting her to come over (with a lot of cash, of course, on her deceased father's account, so far inaccessible to her) to become his "partner".
Overwhelmed with emotion, my sex-deprived character, starts to rant, pooring out his frustrations:

-quote-
My dearest Anna.
I pride myself on being an excellent judge of character, and I am filled with joy to see that I was right about you from the beginning. You are an angel, my love, capable of seeing through the scars and deformities, seeing the gentle soul I am instead. God bless you for that, it's an exceptional character trait you're showing here.
Did I tell you that my wife left me, just because I lost my ability to speak?
"I can live with the scars, the artificial skin and the missing ear", she said "but why, for Christ's sake, you decided to have an extra nose sewn on is beyond me! That's the drop that flooded the bucket, or some English proverb to that effect!" she cried out, just before she slammed the door after her tiny hiny shut.
-unquote-

My character's wife is Dutch. I thought the literal translation of a Dutch proverb, aka Dunglish, would be a nice touch. I'm rambling on for another few paragraphs, really getting into this. My apologies for the spelling mistakes and the botched grammar: English is not my first language. Wink

Posted: Tue May 12, 2015 4:34 pm

That is an excellent perverb! Sending PM.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Poor Phil was castrated by accident, following a misunderstanding with a surgeon, so this was his reason for having ignored for three weeks, the desperate "where are you my lovely husband" messages:

Quote:

At last I am a free man. Oh R***, it was such a bad thing to happen. I've been in jail.

Some woman was raped and she pick me out as done it. Not true! She said I attack her in a dark spot and she know was me because I said hallo to her in a bar and follow her from the place. NOT TRUE! but Police hold me and question me and wait for tests. and when the tests came back they say sorry it could not have been me and let me go. I say to them, look I has no balls! See I could not rape a woman or a man, but still they say she saying it was me. STUPID POLICE!!

[/quote]

Posted: Wed May 13, 2015 8:55 am

When Mal was told that someone was claiming his fund, he replied:

Quote:

I don't know him from a hole in the soap.

Posted: Mon May 18, 2015 1:40 am

It has been an Odd day:

Quote:

Lad: What are you watching on tv
TJ: Something bout a Samsquanch I is!
Lad: Whats that
TJ: Some Greasy Monkey that is seven feets tall it is and is climbing on Peter Mansbridge.
Lad: ok

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed May 20, 2015 3:35 pm

To a lad's opening script and who used the words, "Trust, 100% assured, genuine, honest" more than once, my character wrote:

Quote:

You have business for me?
Dear Abdullah,

Can you trust me, you ask? Well, if you can't trust a true and genuine sociopath like me, who can you trust? I will guarantee that I will always look out for my own interests in this deal, and come out on top.

What is your proposal?

Sincerely speaking

I bet he writes back. Smile

EDIT to avoid double post.

YUP! He wrote back. Very Happy

Quote:

Am ABDULLAHI OLUSEGUN from Nigeria and i work with Fidelity Bank Nigeria Plc,I need your assistance to stand as a beneficiary to the sum of $4.5,millions united state dollars lying down unclaimed in our bank, what really happened is that during the course of our auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in the year 2004 and since nobody has operated on this account again, BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Next time I'll have to tell him I'm a sado-masochistic psychopath. Smile

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue May 26, 2015 10:20 pm

This same lad doesn't seem to mind goofy:

Quote:

Dear Abdullah,

This deal sounds a bit on the shady side, even for me.
Floating money disturbs my sense of permanence and surety.

He relies:

Quote:

Hello friend thank you for the reply,well i want you to know that i am not here for play or to kid with you,i want you to know that this business is a ready don deal and 100% sure...

once again this deal is a ready done deal and 1005 risk free

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri May 29, 2015 6:04 pm

Quote:

5:your occupation: Retired Tuareg Commander East Niger, Military Financial Intelligence and Procurements

I never play or kid with money involved ok.

I hope he doesn't mind dealing with an 88 year old retired rebel leader. Smile

Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:36 pm

The father of my Scottish character spoke on the phone to a lad. Father was played by the vampire, who certainly does not have a Scottish accent.

Now my character has moved to another country for work. And she has an employer who will also be played by the vampire, and may well speak to the lad on the phone.

And so she wrote:

I was really lucky that [my new employer] speaks good english - with a foreign accent, but really much the same as my dad, who didn't grow up speaking English either.

Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 10:53 pm

^I think you got the wrong vampire. Try Vampire Merchant.

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Apr 2015 Posts: 239

so im playing as a confused 75 year old lady, and these lads have been pressuring me to run around everywhere, i gave them the run around giving them fake numbers etc.

i got this from them

Quote:

Why would we believe you that you make the payment through money gram which the money gram number is 9 digit number money gram can never make a transfer and give you 9 digit number that is why i ask you to scan the money gram payment slip and send to us, Listing you are the cost of all this issue you are advise to send money through western union in the first place you we don't know if you really sent or not you came back with 11 digit number and they western union over here told us that there was no transfer on it, we now ask you to send again through money gram you now went back with 9 digit number now how can we believe you without the scan of the money gram slip?

so i wrote the following back to them.

Quote:

oh my what a kafuffle
im so sorry lovey, i must have typed that number and done it wrong, ive been feeling so nervous and frustrated with all of this, i have been shaking and not feeling well, running around to all these silly money unions and western grams.
when i was at the money union office, the lady there put through the payment, but they had run out of paper, so she read out to me the receipt number, i wrote it all down on my paper but my 5s and 6s look very similar, so now im not sure what the number is.
oh boy im so flustered im so so sorry about all of this mess, i feel silly and very embarrassed.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2015 11:53 pm

^^

Quote:

i feel silly and very embarrassed.

As you should be, you kafuffler, you.
Laughing

Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2015 12:51 am

(From a very early bait...)

Quote:

I am sorry but I am a very old man, what is a "Western Onion"?

The lad wrote back:

Quote:

That is OK you need to go right now to the Western Union...

(I'm a cantankerous old bugger...)

Quote:

But I live in the East -- where do I take my onions -- to the West? What kind of onions should I bring?

Lad:

Quote:

Sir you need to go right now to Western Union with the monies...

(Addle-pated me...)

Quote:

I think I can find someone to take me to the West but what kind of onions do you want me to buy with the monies?

This went on for some time Cool

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Apr 2015 Posts: 239

Sherlock that is too funny

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 8:17 pm

From the "fbi director" to Cammy:

Quote:

This is to inform you that we the FBI receive you response email to us and I want you to always be truthful and honest with us to help you fight the hackers, scammers, imposters, fraudsters, as we the FBI don’t want any of our citizen to fail into hand of these imposters going on, so follow our instructions for security reasons ok.
Looking forward to here right back from you as soon as you receiver this mail and read it very well and too understand ok.
Thanks, Almighty God blesses you and also your family members ok. looking forward to here right back from you as soon as you receiver this mail ok.

Cammy's reply?

Quote:

Yeah, whatever

Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 12:50 pm

Lad #1 of the Mike Donald Duck bait, which I haven't published yet (I got partway through downloading it, then the lad started it up again), invented a new character, who works at the bank with Duck. Rod doesn't believe him and asked what kind of doctor he is. The lad dug up an old message and resent it:

Ibrahim wrote:

Mr. Rod this massage your received was flag massage not from us how can we condemned whom God has not condemned please this massage you just forward to us was a flag massage make up by those whom claimed to be Efcc while they are not, this is the people who hacked your $5000 dollars you felt you transferred to Rev Mike Donald Duck.

"those whom claimed to be Efcc" refers to lad #2's Ibrahim character, who hasn't been heard from in months.

Rod wrote:

What are you talking about?? No one's given me a massage; are you saying someone rubbed me the wrong way?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 11:10 pm

This scammer is so stupid. He keeps forgetting his own format, and since day one about a month ago has not given me the "bank director's" email account to move to the next step. So...I borrowed Sherlockholmie's lad word posted above to poke him some more. Three more tries to get the director's address.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Abdullah,

Of course I could show more interest if you sent me the banker's email address to write to.
I have been patiently waiting three weeks now for you to send it. I am extremely illegentament, but I am am not totally omniscient. Do you think I can actually read your mind?

Regardless,

O.

More lad bullshit...no email address...

Quote:

Dear Mr. Abdullah,

I am glad to see that you have been keeping your eyeballs focused on the account in the bank. Whether or not I can or should travel to Nigeria depends on many unforeseen future factors, as I am a very busy businessman and so I do not just hop on a plane willy nilly at the drop of a hat just to sign one piece of paper.
My clairvoyance is acute, however it is not perfect. How about giving me the email address of the bank director? Perhaps that might clarify things as they stand now on ground.

Sincerely,
O.

Nothing in next email either...

Quote:

Dear Mr. Abdullah,

Are you prepared to roll up your pant legs, put on a happy face, and provide me the necessary business contact information now? My fast reply to you seems to have been obfusticated on your side perhaps? I'm starting to think that you may not be quite as illegentament as I am in business matters.

Prognosticating a fine result going my way,
O.

I wonder how goofy this will get? until I get that damn email address? Evil or Very Mad

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 11:15 pm

Two more emails from Mr. Idiot Abdullah above so... I decided to chop him.

Quote:

Dear Abdullah,

Dr Nnamdi's boss, Mr. Gomer, apologized to me for your lack of proper business acumen and your total ignorance in neglecting to provide the banker's email to me for the past 6 weeks, despite repeated assertions by yours truly. He has generously offered to step into your shoes and Mr. Nnamdi's in order to propagate this blooming business offer of yours.
I will no longer be needing your services in this regard, as Mr. Gomer has filled both of your shoes quite handsomely and fully. I will keep you updated as to the progress of my receiving the $4.5 million dollars. I have sent Mr. Gomer the first payment of $4,500 to his bank account in Ghana and soon he has assured me 140% that I will be receiving my monies this week.

Thank you for your unfailing persistence and illegentamence in this matter.

O.

I wonder if that might wake him up? Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 10:17 am

Not an original line, but I love using it.

Quote:

Lad:‎ I will do my best
Cammy:‎ That's what worries me!

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:41 am

FB lad wrote something I just needed to respond to:

Quote:

Some Clown Wrote: My god give balls to the ones who don't got balls to face there facts in life amen. 🙏🏽 lol

Darla: Yu want Balls in your Face Baby?

Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2015 4:44 pm

I'm baiting a loan lad in French while coordinating a mass bait of a puppy lad to get evidence to take down his site. The loan lad having been forgotten, I responded with an altered French idiom:

Quote:

Ah, j'avais oublié de vous le dire, car j'avais d'autres chiens à fouetter...

Which means literally:

Quote:

Ah, I'd forgotten to tell you it, for I had other dogs to whip...

Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 11:01 pm

I'm spending several days temporarily disabled, which leaves me with little energy for baiting. To the above loan lad:

Quote:

Notre fils a été piqué par une méduse et nous avons dû l'emmener à l'hôpital pour en prendre la limite, donc je n'ai pas pu chequer avec la banque le progrès du virement.

Quote:

Our son was stung by a jellyfish and we had to take him to the hospital to take his limit, so I have not been able to check with the bank the progress of the transfer.

The math pun does not really survive translation.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:35 am

To an "ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE?" format:

Quote:

Hello Mrs. (Lad)

I died six days ago in an automobile accident but I'm still interested in receiving this fund. Am I eligible for the money if I am no longer alive.

Thanks

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 6:25 pm

Last month I sent a price list to what I thought was a product lad. Two days ago he replied:

Quote:

Well I can get you 4 cc info for 200$. Send the money via money gram to <snip> in California. You take it or leave it.

I answered:

Quote:

What do you mean by four cubic centimeters of information?

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