More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 2:30 pm

My counterpart to the Mad Chemist is his ditsy idealistic assistant B. One of the lads started love-scamming her out of the blue and warns her about potential racism they may face as a mixed-couple.

She write this in reply:

Quote:

Yes, I know that racism exists, especially here in America and yes in the middle east too. What is it like in Ghana on race? I wonder if we might be happy in the Islamic State then? Racism is not permitted there since as it is forbidden by Al Qaeda.

B <3's the world. LOLz

Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:23 am

Sometime I just like to torment lads with the same ungodly, novel-length walls of text they so often inflict on us.

In response to this:

Impatient Lad wrote:

I have waited for the reply of your email and wish you will give me and urgent reply as soon as possible to know your stand with our on-going business.

I also want to use this upportunity to inform you that i am no longer working with (barrister lad) who is working on your behalf. If you are still interested in doing business with me, please write back to me so i will direct you with another contact of a barrister who will work with you.

My character wrote:

sir Again you make me upset.

the reason I do not reply is because I had Very bad few weeks over here Because the government they Change the laws on pension for epeople on disability And IM a person on disibility pension so i werent able get my pension which i need for rent And internet account and my pills which help my memory so What happen is that i was not able get rprescrition for my pills then my memory go bad and i Have my blackouts and then i Fkrget that i have get loan from bank to pay my rent adn internet bill and then my internet bill it is shut Off and so Is my power and water and landlord he come the Next week to Ask why i not pay rent and find me black out in hallway He take me hosptial the emergency room they give me my pills and I Start remember Again so when i recovered i have get loan so i can pay my rent and my internet and for my prescription and emergency room visit and to pay fee to you

so i was ready And going to tell you that i going to pay you now and apologies For not reply but then i Go into my email box and See this angry email from you and It make me so sad

and now you say your friend (barrister lad) the Lawyer he wont write me anymore. Why wont he write Me anymore is he angry with Me??? what Did i do to Make him AngRY??
please sir I still want pay this fee so i Get my fund but Please sir be nicer to me okay sir

but i have Money now for loan but because of my memory problems with the pills i not remember how much i suppose to pay you so please tell Me what the fee is again Sir. because i got loan of 50000 dollar from loanshark called mr. thumbs who work near Where i live so pay all my expense and debt now i have 32000 left okay. Look the man Mr. thumbs he want me pay Him back soon like in two week time with extra 10000 interest As well so please I want send you fee and then get My fund as soon after i send the money so I can Pay back mr. thumbs because he is a very angry Man

thank you sir

Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:28 am

Quote:

I shall await the imminent arrival of the mighty Ghana Army with great anticipation.

Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2014 11:58 am

Lad wrote:

Quote:

There is a saying here that in australia crocodiles walk on the street .

Mal slapped him for being silly and the Lad was apologetic:

Quote:

i am sorry about that, was trying to know more about australia.

Mal explained (emphasis in original):

Quote:

Australians have had to put up with a lot of crap about the country... everything from Kangaroo Jack (never watch that movie) to being mistaken for Austrians.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Following receipt of this:

Quote:

Once you have done with this payment kindly reconfirmed me your
delivery details and compose your self very well at home without
needing any visitors, as you are having immunities delivery, you will
be keeping to hear a knock at your door with briefcase.

Thanks you and God be with you.

I afraid I got a little hyper ...

Quote:

Thanks you for long and interested male with big member. This what I need. I will reconfirming all despatch at moment of conception and will remain composed and alone until big climax on doorstep. Please be with God until we enjoy each other once more.

Something the mods dream up Joined: 22 Apr 2014 Posts: 906

to my latest pet (lotto) I sent

Sex: .twice a week

Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 7:08 am

A dumb religious lad wanted to discuss the existence of God with my rich atheist character. This is his attempt to prove there must be a God.

Quote:

If you it known as to explain your mechanism of birth until your growth.

I hope that you will be very convincing

My reply

Quote:

What are you talking about now you idiot - I am here because my mother and father had the sexing and I came out of my mother. I then developed - it is called evolution you fool.

If there really is a god, why are you, a manic bible basher, living in total poverty in an African shit hole, while I live in luxury, dining on fine food, smoking expensive cigars and driving luxury cars? Your "god" isn't doing much to look after you is she?

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:08 am

From the International Court of Justice:

Quote:

The Audit / Probe Panel Committee set up by the International court of Justice to investigate matters concerning your fund transaction has finally cleared you of all the allegations, prone to several failed attempts to claim your fund.

Cammy is furious!

Quote:

What are those allegations against me, and who are the allegators? I want to know!

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 11:32 am

The subject line was

Quote:

What is going on, who is Don Fish?

Seems someone is after Cammy's money, with PoA and all.

Cammy sent back:

Quote:

But as for "Who is Don Fish" - is that anything like "Who is John Galt"?

Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:21 am

I didn't mean it but the Keyboard must have gotten Possessed eh?

Quote:

Lad: So what are u really looking for on the dating site ?
Moi: A griend and maybe a wifeirlf
Lad: OK same here

Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:06 am

Mad Chemist's awkward attempt at a romantic gesture...

Mad Chemist:‎ Abuja Stadium?
Janet:‎ abuja stadium is a nice place to be
Mad Chemist:‎ I meant to blow up.

Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 12:08 am

For some reason my Lover Lad is still talking to me after this:

LAD:

Quote:

How long have you been single?

Moi:

Quote:

Well I've always been single I guess unless you include those Dang Sea-
Monkeys they was always needy Bastards! A Bowlful of my Happiness my Ass!!!! Seriously what kind of Pet is this Shit? Just Add Water? F*ck that I think just add toilet Bowl and let Nature take its course with one quick Flush. Sweet Jesus Hanging on the Wall those F*ckers are needy and they don’t let you sleep. Always you hear their Voices; calling, calling like they are more important than X-Ray Glasses but they ain’t haahah no they ain’t! Muhahahaha I’ll fix them I will cause I got me a plan but I digress.

How long have you been on that Dating site?

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:56 pm

Quote:

04 Aug 11:03 LAD:m hotttttt

04 Aug 11:04 Me:It is hot out?

04 Aug 11:04 LAD:no i'm hor from internal
04 Aug 11:04 LAD: Wink

04 Aug 11:05 LAD:*hot

04 Aug 11:05 Me:Don't you have air conditioning?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

Well, it could happen to anyone ........... couldn't it?

Quote:

Oh my dear sexy little Vera with the beautiful thighs. I have some bad news and this is why I have not written before. The other day I had to have an operstation. I did not mention it before because it was on my baby-making parts and I thought this might embarrass you. Well, you see, I must be honest and tell you now, because I will understand, my dear sweet little peachy person, if this makes you change your mind about joining me for the rest of our lives. I'm sitting up in my hospital bed trying not to scratch my new itch and wishing the nurse will come to empty my colostomy bag and now I'm fully conscious I can write and tell you this sad story. See, when I woke up I looked down between my legs and to my horror I saw that the part of my bits down there that should have had a bandage on was still there and was not bandaged. Then I looked further down and saw that that part that should be there and shouldn't have a bandage on wasn't there and it had a bandage on.

I made a big mistake when I spoke to the surgeon and ...... Do you know the meaning of the word 'circumcise' and the meaning of the word 'castrate'? I'm sorry but I got them mixed up......

Something the mods dream up Joined: 22 Apr 2014 Posts: 906

^^^ FPSL

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

^^^^ Further to the above, I got a reply:

Quote:

Hello my lovely darling
Honey good afternoon i read your mail i feel so sad when i read through your mail i am so sorry my love but you could have told me so long dont keep any secret for me honey there is no problem i will love you the way you are ok i did not love you because of your money as you know i am not that poor is only a little of time my hand we surely lay on my funds i will start a better life sorry to say this what i trying to say is.... i wil love you without money and i love you the way you are and the way i meet you there is nothing you we be worried about ok i pray very soon we will get our funds from the bank and we will go back to hospital and mush sure we spend money to solved all the problem you we be in good health ok

honey i feel so bad if they been i am there with you already its could have be so nice i will be by yourside at the hospital to take good care of you honey how is your heart now hope is getting better - [HUH Question

] and also i hope there is someone with you over there at the hospital who we be helping you and be taking care of you honey i am so worried about your health take good care of yourself for me ok honey dont worry i love you with all my heart ok sickness we never separate our relationship or marriage ok i will be with you soon ok

honey how have you gone with lawyer i hope you have contacted lawyer and send your information to him ..... Blah, blah, blah, blah blah

Quote:

Oh my dear sweet, sexy little cuddlesome Vera. What wonderful news you give me. I showed your wonderful words to the nurse who came to change the dressing and rub some soothing cream into my burning wound and she wept with joy and kissed the line of stitches that hid the outrageous act of vandalism that had been performed upon my poor unsuspecting baby factory. It was so sad to see that even with such devoted attention being placed upon my saddest manhood by such an attractive young nurse in full uniform, the troops still refused to stand to attention on parade. The doctors have told me that never again will it be possible to for me to turn the bedsheets into a circus tent by a quick clenching of the buttocks. They say I should also expect a quickening tendency for my voice to change from a deep rich baritone to a soprano and I'd better consider buying some bras. They have also kindly offered to complete the job by giving me a free sex-change operation. I think I may take them up on their kind offer.

(I've just sent this one to another romance lad who was more inquisitive than caring and concerned):

Quote:

sorry but you could have tell me since,how is it now?

Quote:

Painful

Quote:

How is it painful?

Quote:

It's painful because somebody has cut my balls off! It's painful because they sowed in a couple of snooker balls as replacements and they keep clanging together! It's not only painful when they do that, it's also noisy! It's painful because the snooker balls were only red ones! Why not two Black ones? That's what I want to know. Black ones score higher! What's more, I've still got to wait until this heals before I get the other operstation done. At least when that's done, I'll have a new tip to my cue!

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:33 pm

Cammy (in LolCat mode) doesn't always understand Ladspeak.

Quote:

Yes you are a foreigner and I want you to stand as the next of kin because an indigence of (Burkina Faso cannot stand as next of kin to our deceased customer unless a foreigner, meanwhile I know you are a foreigner and I want to stand so that my bank will transfer those money into your bank account Ok.

Cammy read "indigence" as something else...

Quote:

Y R U ALWAIZ SAYING IM A FORGNER, IM AUSTRALIAN, DUNNO Y U DONT GET IT, & Y R ANGRY PEEPZ NOT ALOUD 2 DO TEH NOK BIZNESS

Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:52 am

One of my M00seknuckle Modelling Lads got back to Cammy asking how she's faring - Cammy was terse.

Quote:

My life is very good. Have you got a job yet?

Predictably:

Quote:

I don't have any job for the time being, do you have any to offer ?

Guess what...

Quote:

I work for a modelling agency, not a job-search office, and we don't have any work for lazy, incompetent liars. Have you thought of going into politics?

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

I received a very formal, officious letter of introduction allegedly from one of my romance/fund transfer lad's bankers. The numbnuts lad must have got his scripts mixed up, because arranged along the bottom of the letter were four extremely explicit photographs of a naked woman (no doubt meant to be the irresistably sexy little sweetheart who's romancing me).

So I sent him a reply (I really must stop being so flippant!):

Quote:

Dear Mr M***k I cannot believe that you have sent me pictures of a naked woman! What are you thinking? Are you some kind of pervert? What a disgusting thing for a respectable banker to do! I certainly do not wish to do business with a pervert like you and I shall write to Miss V*** W***** and warn her that she is doing business with a perverted degenerate. Nice pair of tits, though!

ETA:

Thought this to the lad might help move things along nicely:

(BTW, my character is languishing in hospital because he got the words "castrate" and circumcise" confused when he was talking to the surgeon)

Quote:

Dear Sweet honey-tasting V*** of the sexy eyes. I am so upset. I have been painfully trying to keep up with everything while I lay here weeping over the loss of my manhood and I received a letter from that banker M****. and guess what! He had posted four pictures of some prostitute or model or some slut without clothes on! How disgusting and unfeeling can anybody be? I was totally shocked and sickened and my nurse ran away from me screaming when she saw me looking at them. I'm sorry, but I absolutely refuse to do business with a degenerate bastard like that. Absolutely not! I am so sorry my lovely but that is how I feel about this, Doesn't this cruel bastard understand that the very last thing a man with no balls wants to see is a naked woman? I must call the nurse now and tell her it was a terrible mistake. Why oh why do things like this happen to me? I'm so sorry for you because this could not be worse news for you too. Please leave me alone for a few weeks to recover and then maybe we can get together again and I can help you with your dreams.

Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:40 am

^^^ In a similar response, my "elderly gentleman" received a mail from a young refugee with the normal pictures attached. Unfortunately, she wasn't particulary well endowed in the "upper frontage balls" department.

Quote:

Hello my dear, than you for the lovely pictures, you are very pretty. If I may make a suggestion though, perhaps we could use a small proportion of your fund to expand your tits a few sizes."

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

^^^^^

Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 3:26 pm

And continuing the theme, from my randy Reverend

Quote:

My darling Shalonda,

Have you considered a career as a glamour model? With your looks, you could easily be earning $1,000 a day doing spreads for Razzle.

If you are interested then let me know and I can get you referred to a man who will take care of you (he'll probably give you an allowance for a bit of enhancement if you know what I mean Wink

)

Dickie Fiddler

The scammer's response

Quote:

Sir, i used to model previously but no more,but doing Spreads for Razzle means Stripping which i cannot do for now. getting and inheritance of USD8 Million is a life string and is much morethan $1000 a day plan
thanks

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 10:19 pm

Just a bit of Sunday afternoon Fun with a Lover Lad:

Quote:

juliet: Were your parent still alive, do you have any brother or sister?
me: No am all alone. I didn't have no Brothers or Sisters and my Parents died in a Horrible Fudge Packing Incident.
juliet: Oh so sorry to hear this
me: To this Day when I pass by Hershey Pennsylvania I shed a tear or two.

Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:07 pm

A refugee girl asked about my character's children. His response

Quote:

I have no children, my beautiful daughter was murdered in the 1990s by an escaped physiotherapist and my son killed himself 5 years ago in a freak auto-erotic experimentation that went wrong.

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:10 pm

Mad Chemist's response to a lad asking for help getting her shipment out of port in Nigeria...

Quote:

My advice... calmly explain to the man working at the port that you do not want to hurt him and can he please assist you in getting your goods shipped. Bring three men with you.

More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote	View next topic View previous topic