More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu May 08, 2014 8:03 pm

Quote:

Although I do still wish to discuss the other deal with you at some point, if you’re ready to finalise give me a call on my mobile.

at face value not goofy at all but the lad will explode as I haven’t provided a number in 2 years Very Happy

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

This as a second message to a crooked banker:

Quote:

Hallo again Mr B***. The exciting thing about your proposal is that I love a challenge almost as much as I love the idea of all that lovely money flowing into my bank account, but I have to introduct a small nothing of cautionality here. You see, I cannot send you a copy of me passport or driver licence.

I am on bail for criminal offence and so the Government has removed my passport in case i do bunking off to another place. It also meaning that I having been watch by Special Hustling Intelligence & Tactic Team of Scotland Yard. they also took me driver license because they not want me driving getaway car ever again. The SHITTSY ones are forever looking to me with heavy machine telescope object and video with my lover. Anyhows I fully believe in old saying of there being honour among theives and con-artists so come on let's work this out so we both theives make huge moneys from this. At least no person to die. What you say, big boy? We in business? Like that mug-shot by the way very classy. Maybe I get one (This is a terribly photoshopped attempt at an ID card)

EDIT: I've just found the same lad lurking in another character's inbox, so I treated him to this (Well if he's going to use such a 'seductive' name as that......)

Quote:

Good day to you Mr Bon@ I am standing erect and red with excitement and anticipation for your gracious and seductive invitation. All you have to do now that I am finding you in such a generous and giving position is to lay back and enjoy my willingness to service you in whichever way you like it. I'm sure that if we move together slowly, we shall quickly reach a climax of mutual satisfaction that will leave us both breathless.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

One of my characters runs a sheep station in North Queensland, about 200 miles northwest of Cairns. He's just sent this to the 'Reverend' who is running the Australian Lottery (allegedly from Adelaide):

Quote:

G'day again Larry,
Still havin a bit of a battle gettin this bank business sorted. Bloody oath! I reckon those galahs down in Cairns are spendin more time hittin the turps than battlin on! I'm due back down there on Wensdy to post the doccies. They have to send them down to H.O. in Brizzie, then we wait. Real sorry about this matey, but i reckon she'll be right by middle of next week

- Should be fun Confused

Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 11:59 am

Mal has a Rita from Accra on Skype. She said something that made Mal reminisce about his past service.

Quote:

The last colonel I served under was an African-American. More than twenty of the men of my company on my last tour were African-American. The corpsman who treated my wounds in Fallujah was an African-American.

Quote:

Hell - I'm going all misty-eyed thinking of Alpha Company.

Quote:

The Corps was my family for so many years. A family of every race and creed in the country. I'm honored to have served with them. Every salute was a blessing.

Quote:

I still love the Corps.

Posted: Mon May 12, 2014 1:59 pm

My new Army Sergeant was being obtuse, so Mal asked:

Quote:

Sergeant, have you ever had your head placed on a desk and a copy of the UCMJ slammed down upon it with extreme force?

Posted: Thu May 15, 2014 12:23 am

The Sergeant (see above) seems to be having problems as part of his script, so Mal quipped:

Quote:

If this doesn't get past first base... who's going to be happy?

What will happen next?

I don't know...

Posted: Thu May 15, 2014 8:43 pm

Credit card lad (see premium forum):

Quote:

I want them charged gradually with $500 till the payment is completed.

My reply:

Quote:

I don't know what you mean by "charged gradually". We're talking dollars, not coulombs.

Posted: Mon May 19, 2014 9:10 pm

Lamido Sanusi keeps telling Mal to pay the $35,000 fee demanded by a Canadian bank to open an account, even though Mal doesn't have that much available, so...

Quote:

The magic of your written words won't give me enough money to pay the fee. I thought that kind of superstition would be beneath you.

Posted: Mon May 19, 2014 9:14 pm

Meanwhile, Cammy wants some information on who made a deposit in her name at an African bank, and I couldn't help mimicking Ladspeak.

Quote:

Stop handwaving my comments and tell me who deposited the money in my NAME!

I've noticed that Lads pur an unusual stress on the word "name" whenever it's used in phrases like "the money is in your name" or even "change the name to your name". Anyone else notice that?

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 1:45 pm

Me wrote:

Look, I'm trying to deal with you, but I just had a ton of piggies come in and now I have all kinds of reporting to do.

One of my favorite replies I have made is posted here: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=247381&start=75

I told the scammer to earn money I agreed to have naked pictures of myself taken by a stranger.

Lad wrote:

You said you're a virgin, is he disvirgin you,,,, dose he have sex
with you, YES/NO simple.

Me wrote:

Why does it matter? I DID AS YOU ASKED. ARE YOU NOT GOING TO MARRY ME NOW? IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, HE PULLED A FRANK ZAPPA ON ME.

Posted: Fri May 23, 2014 1:54 pm

IZATSO??

Not sure how he spelled it on the Album. I wasn't a Zappa fan.

Baiting Guru Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 5905

I am still waiting for the FBI to throw me in the slammer and throw away the key Wink

Quote:

Dear Mr Comey,

Well, it's been 48 hours now since your Email and there has been no arrest, no closure of my bank account and the mayor as yet has not received your letter telling him what a naughty boy I've been as promised.

I would expect more efficiency from the FBI!

Please get back to me (and the mayor) with no further delay!

Regards

Mr xxxxxxxx

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

This from my Aussie property owner to the Administrator of the Aussie Lottery:

Quote:

Holy Christ, Larry! You can't believe the bad trot I've been through the past few days! First off that collection of drongo's at the bank down in Brizzie must have bin away with the fairies. Never heard a dickie bird out of them for close on ten days then wanted me to get the overnighter down there so they could check I ain't planning on doing a swiftie like money laundering or something. Told them to shove it. Christ, Larry. I'm jest a battlin old bushie out here back of beyond scratchin a living. Like I told them and you, Larry, ain't never had cause for Bank Balances out here. Bloody oath, mate, one bloody phone call from them to you could have had all this sorted. What a load of dills!

Upshot of all this so far, no bank account. My mail don't get here now until Monday arvo when the plane's due and maybe or maybe not there might be some news then.

It looks like I'm going to have to ask you another favour, mate. Could you hold onto the cash a little longer til I get this sorted, please? I see you're a man of the cloth, so I guess there'll be no worries in that department. Back to you soon, cobber, Oo-roo!

EDIT

Nature has just served me up a beauty: a huge volcanic dust cloud is heading straight for OZ from the direction of Indonesia and flights are being suspended. Looks like LB's mail plane is going to take some time getting to him and I don't even have to lie about it!

Posted: Sat May 31, 2014 3:07 am

Lad gets mad at me and sends,

Quote:

Your mama

I love my mom and for $355, you can, too.

Quote:

Ok

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 1:51 am

I had a Romance Lad ask me this

Quote:

...See my attached Photo let me know what you think about my photo.

Being one of those people who like to take pictures of everything I had to reply:

You asked me what I thought of your photo, Well, it looks like the white balance is off like it was set to an indoor setting. Also the focus is slightly off and there is chromatic aberration like you bought a camera with a cheap lens

Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 3:47 am

Lad wrote

Quote:

I am sorry U didn't received my email about being RUBBED Earlier

My love victim's reply

Quote:

Oh sweaty, getting RUBBED must have been awful for you was there no happy ending?

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 1:20 pm

Lad:

Quote:

I would demand an urgent response from you on the update of the e-mail i sent you.

Me:

Quote:

You may not demand anything from me, sonny. I am a man of many years and will not take to the whining of some young whippersnapper still wet behind the ears and holding his mama's apron strings!

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:40 pm

Captain Mal received a cluster of emails from the same "bank" assuring me that they had the money now. Mal wasn't in the mood for that:

Quote:

The transfer is coming from the ADB, and if you think that you can change the facts by saying otherwise, you must believe in magic.

That prompted some themed replies when they persisted.

Quote:

You are not Morgan Le Fay.

Quote:

And you are not Merlin!

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:58 am

^ One of those Lads asked:

Quote:

please I am writing this mail to know your present position with the Bank and Western Union Lady has been able to send them the required fees and receive your funds into your bank account?

I don't know if this list will enlighten him.

Quote:

You and the "Western Union Lady" are of no interest to me. None at all. Sweet Fox Alpha. Zip, zero, zilch, nada, goose egg.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 13 Jan 2014 Posts: 698

This on second request for personal details:

Quote:

This is amazing news and to think this all happened in Malaysia, where there is a plethora of poverty far more than here in England! God can certainly move in ways that are not just mysterious but inconsequential and questioning. Of course I will gladly take acceptation of the money and be really profligate in my spending of it as you so rightly comprehend. I'm so happy not to be in a doubtfully negative and acquisitive way of failing to be living my precious and unbeknighted life in luxury and non-altruistic manner with not a second thought for those who live in penury and abject poverty. Thank you for the totally underwhelmingly, disingenuous thoughts and ideas of gluttony and irresponsible profligacy that you have so explicitly engendered on my behalf. Glory be to our magnificent and beneficent God of all people Hallelujah!

Do you think it's slightly over the top?

Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 1:32 pm

Mal sums up a Dead Orphan scam.

Quote:

So - a young man I've never heard of (and who is now dead) got my name and email address from a customs officer in Ghana (who I've never heard of), but he dies and his belongings pass to you, who I've never heard of, and you engage some guy I've never heard of to get the money (from a dead guy I've never heard of) to me (someone you don't know at all).

Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 11:00 am

Quote:

Why do you want me to send money to Cameroon? We don't catch Shrimp because they don't have fins or scales.

This bait is in Portuguese, in which "Cameroon" and "Shrimp" are identical. Cameroon was named for a crustacean that inhabits the mouth of the river at Douala.

ETA: The lad answered immediately, but did not address the kashrut question.

Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 11:50 am

A few Benin Lads have been writing to Cammy lately and doing the usual cut and paste "repeat ad nauseam to bludgeon the maga into sending money" routine - so she's been replying thus:

Quote:

"Well noted" my cute little ass - you didn't even look at my reply AGAIN!

Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 12:49 am

A Lad told Mal something in a phone call that prompted this question (colour and emphasis in the original):

Quote:

Your boy James told me that I'm being compensated for not being scammed.
Did he forget to swallow or something?

Meanwhile, a Rev Lad swears that God will take his life if he doesn't send the ATM card after Cammy pays. Cammy didn't accept that.

Quote:

If your God takes your life, so what? You'll go to heaven, and isn't that what you want to happen?

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 11:42 am

Meanwhile, to a Lad who just won't stop writing pointless messages...

Quote:

There are pieces of fossilized dung that are smarter than you.

More Goofy Stuff that YOU wrote	View next topic View previous topic