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 Dealing with thick lads

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Tururut
Elite Baiter


Joined: 13 Jun 2011
Posts: 1568
Location: Lost in translation


PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Anyone familiar with the BBC Series "Yes, minister"? Well, the head of the civil service uses really long sentences in order to confuse the less than bright Minister. So, what better to answer a lad that writes like this (By the way, Mama Holuder, such a stupid name!)

Quote:
Dear Friend

Good Day

how are you today I holp you are fine with you family,

now listing to me now i am let you that after this delivery fees you will not pay eny money agan and please go to the Western Union and tell them to printe out the payment slip for you so that you can send it to me, so just go there and told the Union clerk told like that,and no that no time to west becuse the delivery company agent is so worry for you to recived your check just try your best and make sur as i told you,

thank yours
mr.mama holuder



with this


Quote:
Dear Mama,

I did send the payment to you. Now, are you using updated software? It's possible that if you use less than state-of-the-art technology, you cannot open it, although, even if I'm no computering expert, I can be assured that, in principle, all principal companies, do use it, so please, I'd ask you to, in principle, use modern computers, as far as you can find them so that you can complete this deal. Understood?
Regards.
Allen.

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Parti Boi. Sand Timer x2 Safari x3 Xmas Parti 2012 Lagos-Natitingou, Lagos-Parakou-Kandi, Benin City- S4fari Hotel Kano A 419 picked me up, took my bag and ran away - have did a lot for Gomer but nothing good come out, every time different trip and they always mess up at last, why? Benin Republic mess up, Kano state in Nigeria mess up, Safari Camp also mess up - am really ashamed of my self in street
Sand Timer My wife divorce our marraige because I failed to provide proper maintenance of the family.
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14991
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Try this version for size.

Quote:
I did indeed send the requested monies to you at the first available opportunity. Now, it is vitally important that you utilise the most advanced, state of the art software, or the attachment will be inaccessible to you. Should you be in possession of antiquated or imperfect technology, you will find that to be the case, although, given my lack of expertise in cybertechnology, I can be assured that, in principle, all principal companies, do utilise said technology, so therefore I request that you in principle, use the most modern computers, insofar as far as you are able to locate them so that you can bring this transaction to a satisfactory resolution. Now have I made myself abundantly clear, or must I resort to a more basic mode of expression?

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Big X
Wicked Character


Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Posts: 23391
Location: Stalag Luft III


PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I think, after some consideration, that I shall indeed be obliged to begin, (after making the proper arrangements, of course), baiting lads, (that is to say, 419 or "advanced fee fraud" scammers), with a new character, (who may not necessarily be new to fans of a TV programme called Yes Minister, but may indeed be new to non-Anglophiles), called Sir Humphrey Appleby, named of course, after the famous fictional character of that name from the aforementioned programme. I anticipate that the lads will have no idea what to make of Sir Humphrey's circumlocutions, paraphrases, and brazen lies.

Translation for everyone else: I might start a new baiting character named after a character from 1980s British TV. Smile

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next victim
Not Totally Ignorant


Joined: 27 Mar 2011
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^Benny Hill? Laughing

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oscarpiles
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Joined: 13 Apr 2012
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

@NV I was on the same page but I had Hyancinth Bucket in mind....

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Big X
Wicked Character


Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Posts: 23391
Location: Stalag Luft III


PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Maybe I'll even start an idiot MP character named Jim Hacker.

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Tururut
Elite Baiter


Joined: 13 Jun 2011
Posts: 1568
Location: Lost in translation


PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 10:36 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Big X wrote:
Maybe I'll even start an idiot MP character named Jim Hacker.


Not a bad idea. Perhaps also an ironic, childish-yet witty one called Bertrand Woolley.

_________________
Easter 2015United Kingdom Spain Closed lad accounts x28 Mortar
Parti Boi. Sand Timer x2 Safari x3 Xmas Parti 2012 Lagos-Natitingou, Lagos-Parakou-Kandi, Benin City- S4fari Hotel Kano A 419 picked me up, took my bag and ran away - have did a lot for Gomer but nothing good come out, every time different trip and they always mess up at last, why? Benin Republic mess up, Kano state in Nigeria mess up, Safari Camp also mess up - am really ashamed of my self in street
Sand Timer My wife divorce our marraige because I failed to provide proper maintenance of the family.
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^Not meaning to be pedantic, but the name was Bernard Woolley.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Big X
Wicked Character


Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Posts: 23391
Location: Stalag Luft III


PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 11:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^ We're talking about Yes Minister. Being pedantic is practically required.

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Safari Parti Boi: Lagos-Natitingou
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14991
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 12:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^ I know - "Not meaning to be pedantic, Minister, but..." was Bernard's catchphrase.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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dbest03
419Eater is my life


Joined: 04 Feb 2004
Posts: 369
Location: Australia


PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 4:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Nothing like good dose of Yes Minister or even Yes Prime Minister. Even after all these years I still keel over laughing at both series.

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Tururut
Elite Baiter


Joined: 13 Jun 2011
Posts: 1568
Location: Lost in translation


PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yastreb wrote:
^Not meaning to be pedantic, but the name was Bernard Woolley.


Whoops, true.

_________________
Easter 2015United Kingdom Spain Closed lad accounts x28 Mortar
Parti Boi. Sand Timer x2 Safari x3 Xmas Parti 2012 Lagos-Natitingou, Lagos-Parakou-Kandi, Benin City- S4fari Hotel Kano A 419 picked me up, took my bag and ran away - have did a lot for Gomer but nothing good come out, every time different trip and they always mess up at last, why? Benin Republic mess up, Kano state in Nigeria mess up, Safari Camp also mess up - am really ashamed of my self in street
Sand Timer My wife divorce our marraige because I failed to provide proper maintenance of the family.
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mimicat
Baiting Guru


Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 2200


PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 7:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
I think, after some consideration, that I shall indeed be obliged to begin, (after making the proper arrangements, of course), baiting lads, (that is to say, 419 or "advanced fee fraud" scammers), with a new character, (who may not necessarily be new to fans of a TV programme called Yes Minister, but may indeed be new to non-Anglophiles), called Sir Humphrey Appleby, named of course, after the famous fictional character of that name from the aforementioned programme. I anticipate that the lads will have no idea what to make of Sir Humphrey's circumlocutions, paraphrases, and brazen lies.


Image

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WillEater
419Eater is my life


Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Posts: 426
Location: Hollyweird


PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 8:31 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

next victim wrote:
^^^Benny Hill? Laughing


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAiq1xKF38k

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