Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 05 Jan 2013
Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:29 pm
Hi, i'm the newguy here on the forums, but i've been baiting for some time now. I don't have anything epic to show for yet, but i'm having a good time nonetheless...
So to start off i thought i'd submit something that i somehow doubt i'll be receiving any more replies on, but i had a nice laugh writing and sending it anyhow. Oh yeah, it helps to have a passion for the Mass Effect franchise for this one.
It started off with me getting this from a friendly guy, written in bad Google-translator Danish;
Date: Thu, 3 Jan 2013 06:16:51 -0500
Subject: Compliments av sesongen!
Compliments av sesongen!
Jeg er George Daniels, en bankmand og meritsystem programmør (HSBC bank).
Jeg så din e-mail-adresse, mens du browser gennem banken DTC Screen på mit kontor i går så jeg besluttede at bruge denne meget chance for at kende dig. jeg mener vi skal bruge enhver lejlighed til at kende hinanden bedre. Men jeg kontakter dig for indlysende årsag, som du vil forstå.
Jeg sender denne mail bare for at vide, om denne e-mail adresse er OK, svar mig tilbage, så jeg vil sende flere detaljer til dig.
Jeg har en meget vigtig ting at diskutere med dig, jeg ser frem til
at modtage dit svar på email@example.com. Hav en dejlig dag.
So i reply;
I'm writing to you in English as it seems you are having a hard time with your Danish. It'll make it easier for both of us this way i believe.
Anyway, I'm very interested in knowing what you have in mind, hopefully it's a scheme that will surely benefit the both of us. Please get back to me as soon as possible.
Manny Moore Balzac (<--- When i reply, only my initials show up as the sender)
p.s. Could you also please clarify who Sarah Hudak is? Your initial mail was sent from her email-account, but signed you. Thank you.
Response from the spammer was quick;
Thanks for your prompt response to my email.I am grateful for understanding my shortcoming in writing in another language. English is preferable. Sarah Hudak is a close friend and she agrred I use her email for security reason in order to reach you. I am the credit system programmer and also an account officer to one Late Dr. Manzoor Hasan. Before his untimely death he made a fixed Deposit of the sum of GBP30 000 000.00 to our branch office in Covenant Branch London. He died intestate leaving behind no legal valid will before his death. Hence, there is no legal heir to the funds. By British financial laws, after 18 months if no relative or next of kin, or legal claimant presented by a legal council comes forward to claim the funds, the Federal Supervisory Financial Authority (FSFA), will deposit the fund in the treasury account.
Recently, I was in Spain for a banking symposium that was held in Madrid. Bankers, investment-stock brokers, merchant banker, insurance brokers, economists, political dignitaries etc, across the globe were in attendance during the symposium. It was aimed to find measures in strategically create monetary policies and other economic measures that will alleviate the global financial meltdown through budget deficit cut. During this symposium, I made a firm arrangement with a Security and finance Company for the transfer of the funds solely for investment purpose. The Security and Finance company awaits the transfer of the funds.
After transferring the funds to the Security and Finance company in Spain, your physical presence will be needed in Security and Finance Company Spain as the legal claimant in whose name the funds will be transferred out from UK to make final claim by cash.
As the account officer to the fixed deposit funds, and with the help of my lawyer, I want to present you as the legal claimant of the funds. I have all the documents covering the transaction. My lawyer will handle all the legal proceedings at the Ministry of Justice on your behalf.
Attached to this message is identity of the man who deposited the GBP30 Million and the deposited certificate given to him by HSBC bank as at the time of deposit.
All I need is your consent and keeping the transaction confidential. I am offering 30% of the entire sum. I will take care of all the expenses involved in the legal proceedings here in London.
I am waiting for your answer so that we will proceed to the next step.
So i took me some time to write this;
|Greetings George Daniels,
I received and read your mail with great interest, and have come to the conclusion that you might indeed be just what the planet Earth, correction, the entire galaxy needs right now.
First of all, i must apologize for misleading you. My name is not Manny M. Balzac, this is merely my cover name. In my line of work secrecy and discretion is often of the utmost importance. Now, to come clean with you;
I'm lieutenant-commander and council Spectre M. M. Shepard, but you can just call me Commander Shepard. I'm an officer in the Canadian navy, where i've served as commanding officer of the stealth-frigate SSV Normandy since aboot mid-2008.
Let me update you on the situation and what we're actually up against here;
As you may or may not know, four years ago a sentient robotic race called the Geth rose up with the intent to aid a terrorist Turian named Saren bringing back what is known as the Reapers. The Reapers are themselves also an ancient machine-race who resides in intergalactic space, and who once every 50.000 years enters our galaxy with the aim of wiping out all organic life.
In 2008 me and my crew managed to stop Saren and his Geth, thereby delaying the return of these Reapers. Then two years ago, in 2010, we culled what was known as the Collectors, who were also working for the Reapers, in a spectacular raid into the galactic core. I'm saddened to say that i lost two of my best crew in that operation; Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson, may they rest in peace.
However, the Reapers themselves have not yet been stopped, and they're still closing in on the galaxy. My job is to stop them, for the glory of Canada, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Earth, the Human Alliance and, yes you said it, the entire galaxy.
My mission right now is to compile a team of various specialists ranging from combat-trained and able individuals, biotics, tech-specialists, as well as any other assets which will further our cause.
I'll be brutally honest here guy: Our chances of success, and survival, are slim to none, which is why i can settle for none other than the very best on my team. And that's where you come in;
Seeing as you are banking man of good standing, as well as someone who is able to plot and scheme money out of people i am confident that you and your network will be having a decisive role in this. We need to hit the Reapers where it hurts them the most. We need to take down their economy. Hard.
For your information, our current Galactic Readines Rating stands at 56%. With you on the team i'm confident we could bring this up to 72%, atleast.
So, for my part your business proposal to me will have to wait until better days. But here is my counter-offer to you, which i trust you will find very tempting:
Join me and my crew. You may yourself choose a team of 50 of your best men. Any specific needs for equipment, locales, food and board for your operation will be taken care of. When it comes to the collective survival of all organic life, resources and money is of the least concern.
Speaking of which, even though i wish you would help out of the goodness of your heart and for the sake of all organic life in the galaxy i know that financial gain is a driving force for most humans (and all Volus). As a council Spectre I am therefore also authorized by the Galactic Council to compensate you directly for any services rendered, up to a maximum of 1.000.000 - one million - galactic standard credits, which is roughly the equivalent of aboot 53.000.000 - fifty-three million - US dollars.
From here we have three options. You can choose either to continue our correspondance with me by email, we can finalize details over Moonbase Alpha Text-to-Speech Secure Comm-protocol, or we can meet face-to-face to finalize this.
If you prefer to continue this over email here on the extranet i will need your written consent that you wish to have a role in this. I will also need the following details from you, in order to complete your payment-transaction;
Credit card number/details + CVC-code:
Credit card PIN-code:
World Of Warcraft login details:
If you prefer the latter option of meeting up face-to-face, i suggest we meet someplace safe, such as the Galactic Citadel.
If so, I'll be waiting on level 26 of the Zakera Ward, over by the C-Sec officer taking care of an issue between a Volus and a Quarian.
Last i must also stress the importance of keeping all this to yourself. The Reapers have spies and agents everywhere. Who knows, maybe the computer you're sitting at right now is actually a Reaper baby?
Hope to hear from you soon, the fate of the galaxy depends on you,
Lieutenant-Commander M. M. Shepard
Pending a reply from the scammer, Mass Effect character Zaeed Massani (me on a different email-account) also chose to join in to praise and recommend Commander Shepard as a future business partner.
Some bad language follows;
I just heard that Commander Shepard had contacted you regarding you joining the team. Good for you, and i'll tell you why further down.
Name's Zaeed Massani, and my trade's solving special problems for a price. Me and some *4-letter C-word* called Vido Santiago who's now six feet under founded the Blue Suns mercanary group back in the days, but nowedays those guys are nothing but a bunch of goddamn fucking losers. I've been working it alone for quite the while now, and it suits me much better being able to choose my own work and do things my way.
Anyway, i met Commander Shepard the first time on Omega Station back in 2010. My kind of place that really... The bastard seemed like an uptight shit at first, but he grew on me. Turned out he was rock solid to the bottom, and that's coming from someone who trust doesn't come easy with. Let's just say what Shepard helped me with on Zorya over in the Ismar Frontier helped him earn my respect... goddamn good bloke he is.
Me, Shepard and that Quarian, what was her name, Tali'Chickenpox vas Allergic Reaction i think it was were the ones killed that massive fucking human Reaper on that Collector base through the Omega-4 relay. Bloody well almost got killed during too after some massive metal beam landed on top of me. Shepard got the goddamn thing off me and we were off back to the ship.
I understand he's asked you to join the team to fuck up the Reaper economy. It's not every day you come across someone with your kind skills in this galaxy. The closest i met was a band of Volus swindlers operating out of the Minos Wasteland. Just them, FTL comms, an extranet terminal and one of those piss expensive quantum-shits they had installed for all the money they had scammed over the years. Makes me wonder why i even could be arsed to do my thing anyway... anyone who can make that kind of money that quick has skills i say.
Trust me, you're in good company on this one. Pay's good and work hours are better. I'm guessing Shepard's going to stuff you into the life-support room of his ship, either that or my old room down in engineering. For this mission i've got other shit to do.
Mate, bottom line here is, if Shepard says he's paying up he will, and if he doesn't i'll goddamn make sure he does.
Oh yeah, which reminds me, if you're looking for some goddamn idiot to get rich off of, there's this guy called Morgan M. Blake who lives in Turkmenistan or one of those goddamn shitholes over there. He's been in the oil and gas business for donkey's years now, built himself quite the setup too with a palace or something right on the coast of the Caspian. He's peas and gravy with the president over there too i hear. I also hear he's a really lonely man despite having cash growing out of his ears, so you might want to send him one of those love letters and hook him like that.
One of my contacts picked up his extranet-address whilst surfing asari Ardat-Yakshi porn (the sick fuck). It's *one of my other email-addresses* Happy hunting!
Btw. if you need any more recommendations on Shepard i'll make sure to spread the word around to the rest of the old crew, i'm sure they'll agree to send a few lovely words about the commander too.
So i'm considering letting a couple of others from Shepard's old crew send a few praises too...
The reference to this Morgan M. Blake in Zaeed's mail is from a previous love-letter scam i received.
That would be something like this;
|Subject: Hello Dear
my name is Bertina and i seek for true friendship and partner was at Ur page your profile caught my attention i move to contact you,Tell me more about you I love to know you better and spend meaning full time with you.
After receiving your mail, I'll now send you my pic and tell you more about myself. I'll be waiting patiently to hear from you soon God willing.
Bye with love,
To which i replied;
So nice to get your mail, and without any doubt it surely was an act of God that you decided to write me. I'm sure we have a bright future together you and i.
I'm a 56 year old outgoing and (mostly) good Christian, with a love of all things good, and especially all things extremely good. My name is Morgan M. Blake, and currently live in Turkmenistan, where i moved to from London, England in 1990 in order to start an oil and gas empire of which Central Asia has never seen the likes of since. Over the years i have become a very wealthy man, but i must confess i'm still lacking a better half in my life. As such it seems like such a coincidence that you decided to contact me - as i said, this must have been an act of God, and i'm looking so much forward to getting to know you better.
As for myself, i'm about 8 feet tall and very health. I have black and long hair with blue eyes and i usually have my hair combed back, like a raven's wing. In my free time i like to study the Bible, tame wild sturgeon fish from the Caspian Sea and take care of my pet South American fire ants, of which i have about 14.953 of per now - atleast that's what my butler told me at his last weekly counting. I'm also a great lover of the fine arts, and my collection of paintings spans everything from Scream by the famous Norwegian painter Edvard Munch to the Mona Lisa, which i recently was allowed to loan and display at my private residence here in Turkmenbashi, Turkmenistan.
During the Turkmen winters i usually spend my time at one of my chateu in southern France, drinking fine wine and eating like a starved horse... but as i said, i'm still very much a man looking for a good wife to take care of me, and you might very well be her.
So Bertina, please tell me about yourself! Where are you from, what do you do for a living, what do you want from life? I'm looking very much forward to your reply and not the least your photo, and rest assured, i promise to keep our correspondance in the utmost privacy.
Have a great week,
Morgan M. Blake
I might have gone i little over the top in my reply here, but i figure that chance are higher that Morgan will/might get a reply before Commander Shepard does...
Cheers and later!