Let's Try Regional Colloquialisms for $500

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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 12:22 pm

Every country and region has 'em so let's hear 'em.

However, sometimes southern colloquialisms just say it like it is:

** y'all
** y'all come back ya har!
** Bless your heart
** Ain't that precious?
** Pea pickin'
** Cute as a Betsy bug.

He wouldn't pay a dime to see a piss ant pull a freight train.

She'd complain if Jesus Christ came down and handed her a $5 bill.

I'll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.

'If promises were persimmons, possums could eat good at her place.'

Keep it up and I'll cancel your birth certificate

He's as happy as if he had good sense

I wouldn't take 'er to a dogfight - even if I thought she had a chance of winnin!"

His cornbread ain't good and done.

If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.

He's so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet

It is so dry that the cows are giving powdered milk

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 1:25 pm

If it was raining beer, he'd be the one with a tea-strainer.

They're racing at Manangatang!

I'm flat out like a lizard drinking.

What do you think this is - bush week?

He couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery.

Don't come the raw prawn with me.

I didn't come down in the last shower.

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 1:36 pm

I drink from a bubbler and look at water fountains.

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:13 pm

He's lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.

Dumb as a box of rocks.

Happier than a pig in slop.

Like having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

Sweating like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

My mothers favorite, "Jesus H Christ in a raft!". I never knew what the H stood for and why he was in a raft.

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:14 pm

Some of my faves

"They had a face on em like a smacked arse"

"They pulled a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle"

"get up the wooden hill"

"that's right big that is"

"stop bein so nesh"

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

"Colder than a well diggers ass" I never understood the origins of that one either.

We also have many ways to describe snow.

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:51 pm

^^^ Going from that, i was reminded of another great yorkshire saying of

"Its so cold it would freeze the balls off a brass monkey"

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:29 pm

"He plays like the blind fights."

"He's so stupid, he whistles in the bathroom so he knows which end to wipe."

"She's so easy, she has a mattress stapled to her back."

"He's so drunk, if he was standing in the middle of the week, he could see both Sundays."

Pastor Frank wrote:

We also have many ways to describe snow.

Where, in Canada?

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:37 pm

Two of my Dad's favorties:

Slicker than snot on a doorknob.

Eat every potato and pea on your plate.

Some others:

Cold as a witch's tit.

He (she) fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

I couldn't get laid in Sing-Sing with a sea bag full of pardons.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

One of my Grandpa's, used whenever he was surprised, disappointed or just amused:

"Well, damn, Sam!"

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 7:27 pm

"Tighter than a gnats chuff"

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 7:56 pm

"She's so ugly that she'd scare buzzards off a gut wagon."

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 8:07 pm

"Couldn't stop a pig in a ginnell"

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

"It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock"

"Colder than a witches tit" Edit: Sorry IM_Dumm, you already got this one.

TheDane wrote:

Pastor Frank wrote:

We also have many ways to describe snow.

Where, in Canada?

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 9:00 pm

He’s so dumb he could fall in a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb.

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 11:24 pm

'Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo'

'Dim as a TocH lantern'

'The wheel is still spinning but the hamster has died'

'The sort of bloke who has to bend over and look up his arse just to see if he is wearing a hat'

'Couldn't drive a cow with a stick'

'So ugly as a baby his Mum used to feed him by catapult'

Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 11:48 pm

So many to choose from but I'll give it a go:

**Couldn't hit a Bee in the Ass with a Banjo (unsuccessful Deer/Moose Hunter)
**Like a Saskatoon June (Very cold)
**Colder than a Bastard (See above)
**Gimme a Double Double (Standard Timmy's Order)
**We're getting' a 24 (A civilized way to buy Beer)
**Molson Muscle ( Beer Gut)
**Keep your Stick on the Ice! (Self explanatory I trust)
**Hand me the Robertson (Should be self explanatory but think really really good screwdriver)
**Make like a tree and F Off (Couldn't resist a Rickyism)

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:26 am

"She's like a door knob everyone gets a turn"
"He's an enchilada short of a combo plater"
"Busier than a one legged man in a an ass kicking contest"

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

oscarpiles wrote:

Keep your Stick on the Ice!

That one has leaked down from the Can and I've always enjoyed it. The phrase, not the country.

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 9:37 am

lord goldblade wrote:

"Its so cold it would freeze the balls off a brass monkey"

It's so cold there's a brass monkey outside looking for a welder.

Also

One sandwich short of a picnic

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Like throwing a banana up a blind alley

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:20 am

Couldn't find his ass with both hands and a road-map.

You would complain if they hung you with a golden rope.

The boy's about as sharp as a Bowling Ball.

A few cards shy of a full deck.

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:30 pm

Quote:

He’s so dumb he could fall in a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb.

I like that one... Laughing

The problem is finding a way to work it into a conversation.

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:47 pm

It's bleedin' taters!

Are you avin' a giraffe?

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:49 pm

He would complain if he were hung with a new rope.

She doesn't have both beaters in the batter.

He doesn't have both oars in the water.

***

Now, take these colloquialisms and put them in letters to lads. Take out the "she" and "he" and insert "you", i.e. You don't seem to have both beaters in the batter, are you sure you have both oars in the water, well, ain't that precious (if they complain they cannot open an attachment you have sent.

Be fun to see how the lads respond.

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