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irishemigrant
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

do you say, "I've read/seen it all now"

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10835890

A man sought emergency treatment at hospital in Auckland this week with an eel stuck up his bottom.

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Merry Widow
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 4:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

While I realize the seasons in Oceania are the opposite of North America, I was unaware that there was an opposite version of Noodling there.

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sunshine
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Only an eel? What a lightweight.

Real men use whole salmon.

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TheDane
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:17 am Reply with quoteBack to top

So now I know why my hovercraft is suddenly empty!

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Nanny Ogg
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I had a friend who worked in A & E who said you wouldn't believe some of the things that get stuck up bottoms
The explanation usually starts "I tripped and fell..."



Sooooo
is nude fishing for eels common in NZ?
Anything you wish to tell us, Irish?

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Morgain Le Fay
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

That ranks up there with the following:

http://www.snopes.com/risque/penile/pool.asp

http://www.singsupplies.com/showthread.php?3076-Malaysian-man-gets-nut-stuck-around-penis

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2442706/posts

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lakeside77
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 4:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Nanny Ogg wrote:
I had a friend who worked in A & E who said you wouldn't believe some of the things that get stuck up bottoms
The explanation usually starts "I tripped and fell..."


One brother is a nurse, another spent a couple of years as an EMT. Both could rattle off lists of things their emergency rooms would find in rectums: candles, cucumbers, bottles, tennis balls, etc. Nurse brother told me of a patient who came in with a jar of mustard in the wrong place. While trying to extract it the lid came off and two ER folks had mustard all over them by the time the jar came out.

An eel? I don't want to know that story behind that.

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IM_Dumm
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 5:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
In response to a direct query from the Herald on Sunday, we can confirm that an adult male presented at Auckland City Hospital this week with an eel inside him," Matt Rogers, spokesman for Auckland District Health Board, said. "Both the man and the eel are currently resting uncomfortably."

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 5:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

on Seinfeld, Kramer wrote:
"Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way... 'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.' "

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Roycropper
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 5:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Todays top tip:

Never insert the eel bitey end first.

@ TheDane My hovercraft is full of eels in many languages
Sadly no Igbo version, (there is Yoruba) we need to ask / confuse a lad.

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TheDane
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 6:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^ Bookmarked! Laughing

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Star A Star
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:21 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Tubeway Army - Are Friends Electric Laughing

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I read about an old guy who presented with an anti-aircraft round stuck up his back end. He had apparently been using it to push his piles back up when he lost his grip on it and had to go to A&E to have it retrieved. The round had been in his posession since ww2 and was still live, so it was disposed of safely after being recovered.

I am certain that whatever the outcome of the extraction it would have hurt less than getting an already tender bum filled with English mustard, and I wonder a little if the removal of the lid was entirely accidental, or whether the A&E staff just wanted to dissuade the patient from further similar "adventures".

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Cougar
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 6:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^You never know, it may have turned him on to figging. Laughing

Not quite bum related, but in that area - an ex-colleague used to work as a nurse, and told me she'd once had to deal with a rather reticent and embarrased elderly couple. Seems they'd been feeling randy, but he was unable to get and maintain an erection (this was long before viagra/cialis). Wifey had taken a biro pen apart and inserted the middle bit up his urethra. Shocked Needless to say he was in a lot of pain, and no longer feeling passionate.

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Roycropper
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Part of me wants to lock this before it turns into 'whats the grossest sexual story you ever heard'. Sad

But another part wants to tell you about someone I worked with in motor racing, Ken.
After his ability to, er, get wood was destroyed by a necessary medical treatment, he was given some sort of mechanical stiffener, doing the same job as the biro inner, put painless and permanent. After a boozy night out with Mrs Ken, he would fall asleep, then later wake up to find Mrs Ken bouncing around on him without his knowledge or help!

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the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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Justcold
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 11:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

What ever happened to the idea of a man and wife having a romantic dinner, coming home and making love by the fireplace.

Provided the kids are elsewhere.. Wink

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lakeside77
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 12:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^Reading this thread makes me wonder what ever happened to leather and chains!!

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ls77

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Sand Timer Father Frank

I must let you know that am sick and tired of all this whole bull sheet do you know my ass is on the line - Jonh Raymund

i want to say i am very sorry for the Mother that gave Barth to you -- Jim Ovie

. . . it is disrespectful,malicious, an ILEDAN EYE,to our corporation and embarrassing to my secretary as he was messed up by your action. I thought I was assisting a true American gentleman without knowing that I am trying to help one of the most chaffs in the USA. --Dr. Leo Stan Ekeh

. . . I hate you with all my Live, you may not understand the Laval of hatred I have in you -- Dr. Lambert
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basts child
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 12:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Just saying
Image

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Roycropper
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This can only get weirder / grosser and has probably run its course.

_________________
the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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