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 Sonia's Box (my experience as the Queen of England)

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Scambay Terr
Master Baiter

Joined: 20 Nov 2009
Posts: 115

PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Young Sonia needs help getting her box away from Mr. Kunta.
Mrs. Windsor would like to adopt an orphan.

Mrs. Windsor, of course, being this lady:


This was among the most fun I ever had on a bait, worried for nothing through most of it that the lads might recognize the Queen of England. Here was her initial reply to the usual plea for help:

From: [email protected]***
To: [email protected]
Sent: Mon, Nov 30, 2009 12:37 am
Subject: Re: Message From Sonia Cisse.

Hello Our Dear Sonia:

We apologize for the delay in writing back to you, but Philip insisted we accompany him to the fox hunt, even though he knows that we find it quite unbearable.

We extend our deepest condolences upon the loss of your father. We ourself lost our father many years ago, when we were only 24. We do not know how old you are, but we can imagine that the loss of one's father at any age is apt to be disconcerting. Mum passed on only recently at the ripe old age of 101, and we must say that we were quite distressed about the matter.

As regards your business proposition, we dare say that we are game for some new adventure, as we have taken a much less active role in the family business of late. We should think that taxes would not be much in any area for such a meager amount, but since our family found a way not to pay taxes for most of its history, we suppose we are less concerned about such matters than working people. We have holdings in a lovely little island in the Carribean where we hear taxes are quite low, which we imagine will do nicely for your purposes.

We should like to know more about you, dear, and your plans for your future once you have hold of this small fortune, if one can call it that. We know that if you are anywhere near the age at which we lost our father, the burden of responsibility can be quite cumbersome.

We shall look forward to hearing from you presently,

Elizabeth Windsor

Over the next week, Mrs. Windsor and Sonia get acquainted, and Mrs Windsor mentions "that nice Robert Wilson, one of our butlers":

From: [email protected]***
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sun, Dec 6, 2009 1:36 pm
Subject: Re: Dear Mrs Windsor.

Our Dear Young Sonia:

We thank you so much for your information dear, but we shall also need your exact height and weight in order to obtain your passport. Please do send this with your passport photograph as soon as you can.

We have received a reply from the security company, and we shall send them the information they have requested by tomorrow. You see dear, they have asked for a scan of our identification, and we have no inkling as to how to work a scanning machine. Clearly, we cannnot ask Philip to do this lest he shall want to know why, and Major Denman has no aptitude for gadgets and such. We suppose we shall ask that nice Robert Wilson, one of our butlers, who we hear is quite handy with a computer. He shall be in tomorrow morning, and we have already arranged to have him summoned.

Please do not worry so much about this dear, as the important thing is to have you with us for the holidays, and we should not like to see our surprise to Philip ruined for the sake of a few million pounds. (After all dear, we spend more than that just to pay the servants each year, and our future daughter is far more dear to us than all the servants in the realm.) We suppose that even though you will not need it as a member of the Windsor family, your father's money surely holds some sentimental value for you, so we shall endeavour to get our hands on your box with great haste.

We are pleased to hear that you like music. Do you play an instrument? Please tell us which, and we shall arrange to acquire one for you and see what can be done about having you join Eton's orchestra. We should also like to obtain the collection of your favourite musical artist, if you will tell us who it is.

We do hope that you will send us more of your beautiful photographs, as we would so like to see more of our daugher-to-be. Perhaps you can have a few extra snaps taken along with your passport photograph.

We shall await your reply with eager presence,

Elizabeth Windsor

A couple weeks (and many emails) later, it wasn't the Queen of England wanting to send money, but the butler wanting a piece of the action, that was a problem for the lads:


From: [email protected]***
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, Dec 18, 2009 11:35 am
Subject: Re: Your's Dughter Sonia.

Robert Wilson here. I have had access to Mrs. Windsor's email ever since she asked me to scan and send you her "identification", and I have been monitoring your correspondance. I know what's going on here, and if we work together we will split much more than £300.

If you follow my instructions, the total will include the value of a cashable first class plane ticket, the £3.000 she is planning to send with it, the £1,980 "transfer fees", and several thousand pounds worth of "storage" and "shipping " fees for the trunk box.

Your first step is to have "Sonia" thank Mrs. Windsor for the £300 and send the photos she has requested. She is in Scotland until Sunday, but will expect a reply from the girl upon her return.

Since the girl also gets a valid UK passport, send me some revealing and provocative photos of her for my personal enjoyment (in a separate email)and we'll call that even.

All email from your adresses is redirected to a subfolder that Mrs. Windsor is not aware of, and gets to her inbox only after I have seen it, so you can communicate with me at this address.

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