My Conversation With The Hit Lad

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Master Baiter Joined: 07 Feb 2012 Posts: 118

So the famous goat felcher hitman and I had quite the email exchange the other night, as follows. Towards the end I started trying to fire off emails quicker than he could respond, so some of the exchanges will be slightly out of order.

Lad in Bold

In my line of work it's best not to ask questions of a man with a
dueling scar and a white cat.

So do send me $50,000 (fifty thousand dollars) with all due speed or
else I regret I will have to carry out my original contract to
assassinate you and you wont have the chance to know who had paid
SMERSH for your DEATH.

You are free to inform the Police about this, but the truth is that
none of them can safe your ass, when you are to be assassinated, so
its better for you to keep it cool and don’t act funny until
everything is sorted out else if you do and any report is giving, it
means you wont last another 24hours.

Follow the instructions below and when that it's done, you will get
every proof of the person behind it all and you are free to carry out
your legal action but any form of delay, I do not think I will be able
to assist you anymore as you have another 2 weeks to LIVE, that's the
order from the person who wants you DEAD.

You will have to pay the sum of $5000 for your Application for
execmption from Assassination form which will be use to cancel the
contract assassination you, when this is done and confirmed, we shall
proceed further.

Here is the payment info you will have to use to initiate the transfer
via Western Union:

Receiver’s name: STL
Location: Tucson Arizona, USA

Get back to me with this info below and ensure that the form is
properly filled for easy view.

Sender’s name:
Amount sent:
Location where money is sent:
MTCN (money transfer control number, which is 10 digits):

After the payment is done, I shall forward your form to Smersh and the
Brotherhood of Goat Felchers for approval, and then you shall be
directed on how to complete the said amount above which is $50,000.

Do not send the form back without the payment info included.

Avoid any email regarding this issue as there are many hackers online,
and note that I do not have a partner or Boss I work for or with, so
that means killing you is a fair game for me and gives me joy for a
fulfilled job well done.

DONT FORGET YOU ARE BEEN MONITORED.

Toodle Pip!

Dai Teatime
International Assassin

Ok, Spike, this isn't funny. If this is some sick game you are trying to play then it needs to stop.

I'm not even sure if I believe you are a real assassin, as a true assassin would have supplied some kind of proof. And anyone can forge an assassination exemption document.

Wait for your death......... This is where he sent me a couple of his certificates. Great work whoever made those up for him.

Fine Mr Spike. I didn't realize you are a Slayer. I hope you didn't find my previous email offensive. I think I may know who is behind the plot to assassinate me, but also I think you may be a reasonable man who may be reasoned with. This is not my first rodeo, and I know how to handle myself.

You tell me how much your Dungeons and Dragons contact is paying you to assassinate me and then mayhaps we can negotiate a settlement. I will pinky swear that I can match or better their offer.

Let me know.

You have read my mails, i wont repeat myself again.

This is my last mail to you as you have failed to comply, good day and await your judgement.

You apparently don't understand what I'm saying. We can work together on this and we can both come out ahead. The money isn't an issue, but I need to know how much you were hired for by your Dungeons and Dragons clan, then I'll match the offer and add 20% for you to call off the hit and tell me who put the hit out on me.

Let me know.

Go and make the first payment of $5000 to the info below before I can open negotiation with you.

How am I supposed to send the money to this STL? You never even gave me his address

Here is the payment info you will have to use to initiate the transfer
via Western Union:

Receiver’s name: STL
Location: Tucson Arizona, USA

Get back to me with this info below and ensure that the form is
properly filled for easy view.

Sender’s name:
Amount sent:
Location where money is sent:
MTCN (money transfer control number, which is 10 digits):

That info is all you need in Western Union Money Transfer

I called the local Western Union office office and they said I couldn't that much cash at one time, and it's going to cost me a lot of money to split up the payments. Is there another option I can use to send you the money?

Split the money into two which is $2250 each and you the rest $500 for the charges. Get back to me immediately with the details.

I am confused mr spike...do you want $5,000 or $50,000?

You are to make a first payment of $5000 via Western Union then I will give you an account detail where to send the $50,000 to

Why don't you just give me the account information now and I can send the whole $50,000 now and get this unpleasant business over with?

(STR's bank account info here)

Thank you for finally cooperating. It's frustrating enough having a hit on me, let alone having a hitman that won't come to terms with incompetence. I will go to my bank immediately and set up the transfer.

Calvary Greetings Spike,

I am happy to inform you that I have made the transfer. Unfotunately I got it in too late, and the transfer will not be processed until the next working day (this Monday.)

I implore you to have the grace of God and postpone the hit at least through Tuesday so you can see that I did send the money.

I sincerely hope this is satisfactory for you.

Your Dearest,
Kenny Yerger

Send me the Payment slip for proof till then i will not have a hit on you.

Dearest, I truly hope this sates your fears that I may be attempting to betray you to gain time in my life. Please accept this as proof of payment. (Generic receipt sent)

I will wait to confirm the money by Monday till them my men will always monitor your way about.

Fair enough. I suppose this is a little late to ask, but can you promise me that after you receive the cash you will call off the hit and tell me who put a price on my scalp?

Sure

(This is where I start getting a little melodramatic)

Sure? SURE?!?!

Really, that's all the promise you can give me is...SURE?

Look, I"m pulling my hair out here, and all the time you have for me is SURE?

I thought you were a member of the Goat Felchers Hit Squad? A highly regard and respected and feared group of professional assassins, PROS! And all you can tell me is SURE?

I will Keep my men cool for now until the money is been confirmed and will personal withdraw all the hits on you and i will review to you who is behind it.

That sounds a lot more reassuring, but I want more. I would like a typed up sworn statement from you stating your committment to calling off the hit and revealing the name of the person that has turned on me after you. I want something I can use in a court of law should you betray me.

Lay low for now and i will give you all the proof you want. now do not be too forward or faster than your shadow.

No. You send me a sworn affadavit promising to negate the damned hit on me and to reveal the person who hired you. If I don't get this from you within an hour I will leave a message with the bank to cancel my transfer immediately monday morning. The cash will instead be transferred to my confidential account in Switzerland, and I will catch the first flight out of town. Your people had better be pretty good to be able to follow me on a plane without being discovered.

Then go ahead and cancel the transfer as i am not given you any damn sworn affidavit promising or who is after you,,,in my line of work rule is rule you follow my instruction or failure to do so you die, you have my word on that, My men are on track I will make sure them pay you a hit, YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN NOT HIDE

Your call Spike. As soon as I finish this email I am leaving a message at the bank. The 50k is small money to me, but my life is worth more than that. All you had to do was type up a simple statement, but its your loss.

I already been paid enough, However i don't need the money anymore. you shall die I am calling my men now FOOL.

Alright, alright. I haven't canceled the payment yet. Tell your men to hold off.

PLEASE, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET THIS!

PLEASE CALL OF THE HIT I'LL SENDMORE M ONEY JUST DONT DO IT

YOU SHALL DIE LIKE THIS. I DON'T NEED THE MONEY ANYMORE
(He attached some morbid pictures of a guy with a knife in his throat...they need not be reposted.)

ARE YOU STILL THERE/
?

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO CALL OFF THE HT?

YOU DON'T JOKE WITH AN ASSASSIN WHO FOUND OUT YOU ARE INNOCENT AND TRY TO BE NICE, YOU HAVE PUSHED ME TO CARRY OUT MY JOB OF ASSASSINATING YOU AND I WILL DO IT PERFECTLY AS IT SHOULD.

[/b]YOU SHALL PAY MORE OR DIE THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE[/b]

OK, we both need to relax and take a deep dreath here. I acted out of anger and fear. I doubt you know what it feels like to have a price onyour head. Maybe you do, I don'tknow, whatever.

How much more money is it giong to take to get you to all of the hit?

more $100,000 .00

OK, I can do $100,000. However, I probably won't be able to pay you that much until next Thursday at the soonest. I'll have to sell my microsoft stock on monday, and the transaction process usually takes 4 days, but I can pull some favors and get it rushed through the system. That means I'll probably have the cash on hand to wire to your account Friday.

Is this acceptable?

The earlier the better or you shall die

Like I said, I'll try to push it through the system as fast as I can, but there's only so much I can do. You sound like an educated person, I'm sure you understand how these things work.

Do we have an agreement?

SPIKE, are you still there?

Ok i will wait till Thursday, Don't forget my men will be watching

PLEASE, do we have an agreement?

YES AND DON'T TRY TO DO ANYTHING STUPID BEFORE THEN

(In classic hindsight I realized I started slipping up here, referring to American law and the such, knowing that he isn't in America, but then I'm not supposed know that. Fortunately he didn't catch on.)

NO< NOT THURSDAY I will probably get the money on thursday, but I won't be able to transfer it until friday. Amounts over 20,000 have to be retained in a bank account for at least 12 hours before being transferred by American law. If i try to transfer the money too soon then I'll be put on a federal watchlist, and that's not good for either of us.

Do you understand?

Now that I think of it i have a nother questionfor you.

I didn't think of it before, but do you want a trickle in option on the transfer on Friday?

I know that. til Friday then

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Good. I really hope you understand why I acted the way I did before. I mean, I was panicked, and I have never been in a situation like this before. This just wasn't something I was expecting to happen to me...the stress, and the uncertainty...dealing with the unknown...DO you know how unnerving that ihis? I'm at the end of my wits here.

I'm sorry I insulted you earlier...I'm just...worn down

It Ok as long as you are complying you will have your life to live

The trickle option? It's anew option that certain banks are using. Because of all the stupid anti terrorist laws in america, when massive amounts of cash get moved into an account, there is a random chance that the federal government will audit the account.

the banks have been working to circumvent that by "trickling" the money into the approved account. In a given time, from 24 to 76 houurs, depending on how large the sum of money is, the transfer can be accomplished in several smaller stages, there fore averting the attention of the feds.

This isn't very well known yet, but as you obviously what line of work I'm in, I am kind of privy to this kind of information.

If this sounds like a good option to you, just let me know.

Go ahead with the option.

I'm doing everything I can to comply...can you please understand that?

You mean you want the trickle option?

I do

Thank yo0u. You have no idea what it means to me to have a friend in such a position as you are in.

Yes the Trickle Option

Very well. How would you like the the money split up?

I don't keep friends but i will consider making you one as long as you don't cross boundaries, and i hope you understand what it means

I dont' intend on crossing any boundaries. I do appreciate you giving me the chance to live to prove this to you though.

make it 20,000 in 5 different ways,

Ok, i'm not going to try to tell you how to do things here, but as a suggestion I would suggest you transfer 19,000 dollars 5 times, then 5,000 dollars once. 20,000 is kind of the magic number that alerts the feds.

(WOW, he's canceling EVERY hit. I didn't know there was more than one)
then in that case you are welcome to be a friend as i will cancel every hit on you, Have you completed the excemption form because only that way princess Luna can approve the cancellation

Alright

THank you. I don't have many friends, so you really don't know what this means to me. I don't know if I still have the exemption form, as I kind of thought this was a joke when you first contacted me...I think I deleted it. Can you please send it to me again?

Your friend,
Kenny

(Spike sends the exemption form again)

Thank you so much. I will fill it out post haste.

I know this may be an odd question to ask you...but how many hits have you conducted before?

Are you still there Spike?

(He sends a picture of some kind of rifle with this message)
That's personally but as a friend i will tell you, I have done so many hit in the past even in Brazil, I have killed a Don in Italy named Colleon even with his massive guard and security, But he fails to understand that Spike Dwaggin is invisible when he comes to hit.

WOW...YOU TOOK OUT THE DAWN COLLEONE??Q??!?!!? I don't know how I should feel about this. Should I be honored to have such aperson after me, or terrified? What kin do f rifle is that in the picture you sent me? It kind of looks like a 500 cal.

The Don in Italy was murdered by that Gun

So is it really a 500 caliber?

You want a hit to confirm?

Well, I do have some enemies...

What about them?

Well, my friend, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here. Apparently I've still got a price on my head, so I'd like to wait until that is cleared up before we get on to any real..."business." Not saying I don't have any business, that may be of interest to you, but it may not be available until about a week from now. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Lets wait till then......

That sounds good my friend.

I still want to know what kind of rifle that was you have in your picture....

I kept trying to get a hold of him after that, but he must have gotten bored with me or fell asleep.

I wonder how long he will be my friend when he discovers I've hired my own assassin to take him out?

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:21 pm

Good job!

Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:07 pm

That is very nice. I am currently baiting Spike as well. After some conversation I was not as nice and started dishing out slaps. I will summarize a bit for fun. I played poor man as he asked for $100,000 as well. After I got this email:

Quote:

Then your death is near! You cannot talk to my Lord Princess Luna, and for this reason I will order for your immediate death as you have failed to comply.

I sent him this one:

That's a huge bummer. Can you do me a favor and tell me what you would take to call off the hit? I have some gift certificates and about $150 in a savings account. Seriously, who ever gave you info that I could pay $100,000 is an idiot. I am broke. But since I do not wish to die can you tell me what we can do to settle this. Thank you Mr. Spike Goat Felcher.

His response to this:

Quote:

What gift certificates are you talking about?

Could not believe he was actually considering the gift certificates but I responded:

I have a $50 gift certificate to Starbucks and about $75 left on a Chili's card. If you like I can just give them to one of the people you have watching me. Or I could send them directly to you. Ok?

He went on to tell me to send the $150. A far cry from the initial asking price. I am still stalling and sending fake receipts in the hopes of really pissing him off Laughing

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