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 From The Files of Rookie303: John Steemer vs. Uche Nwadavid

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This is an older bait from I can't remember when........ I think somewhere around from early May into mid July of this year. I just found it while cleaning out my hard drive, and decided to post it here for anyone to read and comment on. It's actually kind of funny to re-read your older baits that you forget about. This is also actually the first bait where I used my latest character (at the time), namely Johnny "Cleveland" Steemer.

Enjoy, and thanks (in advance, of course Wink ) for reading.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cast:
John “Cleveland” Steemer- Text in Blue
Uche Nwadavid- Text in Black
Billy Lumberg as The Attorney- Text in Green
Picture captions and commentary by The Author- Text in *Red Italics*

I AM MR UCHENWA.DAVID
THE AUDIT MANAGER OF BTCI BANK LOME-TOGO IN WEST AFRICA
THERE IS AN OPEN ACCOUNT IN THIS BANK IN 1980 ANDSINCE NOBODY HAS OPERATED ON THIS ACCOUNT AGAIN.
AFTER GOING THROUGH SOME OLD FILES IN THE RECORDS I DISCOVERED THAT IF I DO NOT REMITT THIS MONEY OUT URGENTELY IT WIL FORFEITED FOR NOTHING. THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT MR PAUL PHILLIP.A FORIGNER AND THE MANAGER OF PETROL CHEMICAL SERVICE,A LECTRICAL ENGINEER BY PROFFESSION AND HE DIED SINCE 1990. NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT OR ANYTHING CONCERNING IT,
THEACCOUNT HAS NO OTHER BENEFICIARY AND MY INVESTIGATION PROVED TO ME AS WELL THAT HIS COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT AND THE AMOUNT INVLOVED IS U.S.$10.500,000.00(TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUASAND DOLLARS).
I WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO A SAFE FORIGN ACOUNT ABROAD BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY FOREIGNER, I AM ONLY CONTACTING YOU AS A FOREIGNER BECAUSE THIS MONEY CAN NOT BE APPROVED TO ANY LOCAL BANK HERE BUT CAN ONLY BE APPROVED TO ANY FOREIGN ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE MONEY IS U.S DOLLARS AND THE FORMER OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS MR PAUL PHILLIP AND HE WAS A FOREIGNER TOO. I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE AS WE DON'T KNOW OUR SELF BEFORE,BUT BE SURE THAT IT IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS. I ONLY GOT YOUR CONTACT
FROM OUR CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE RESEARCH WITH BELIEVE IN GOD THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN IN THIS BUSINESS,YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I HAVE CONTACTED FOR THIS BUSINESS FOR NOW SO PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY. WHEN THE TRANSFER IS APPROVED AND PAYMENT SCHEDULE I WILL ROVIDE YOU AN ACCOUNT ON WHERE YOU WILL TRANSFER MY OWN PERCENTAGE IN THE DEAL,I WILL USE MY POSITION IN THE OFFICE TO PROVIDE ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION FOR THE APPROVAL OF THIS FUND.I WILL COME DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR THE SHARING AND OTHER INVESTMENT. AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS BUSINESS,
YOU WILL BE GIVEN 35% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT, 60% WILL BE FOR ME, WHILE 5% WILL BE FOR EXPENSES , BOTH PARTIES MIGHT HAVE INCURED DURING THE PROCESS OF TRANSACTION.I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EARLIEST REPLY THROUGH THIS PRIVATE EMAIL.(uchenwadavid1@hotmail.com)
YOURS TRULY
MR.UCHENWA.DAVID
PHONE NUMBER 00228-917-56-27

Hello David-
How are you? Please give me some more details as to how you would like my help. I await your reply. Thanks.
-John Steemer


Dear John Steemer ,

Thank you so much for your response and of good interest to assist
me champion this business .I so much appreciate your urgent response
as I need it to enable us proceed towards the claim of the fund.

Meanwhile I want to assured you that I am a banker still in
active services and have been working in this bank for many
years.Opportunity like this something comes out in banking
industries, As a banker I have exprienced similar transaction of
this nature in banking industries,some people runs "coded"fixed
deposit, current , savings account etc, when they died, what do you
think that happened to their money? ,well this is one of the
numerous avenue which free money are made among the bankers.This
deceased name MR.PAUL PHILLIP was running Fixed deposit account in
this bank since 1980,but died of high blood pressure in 1990 ,since
his death, his account was dormant without operation or claim .So I
dicovered this account during my auditting and accounting as the
audit manager.Since nobody has ever apply as the relation or next of
kin to the deceased customer, if this fund remains unclaim in this
account till october this year,making it 14years of his death, the
fund will be forfitted into debt reconversion dept. of this bank
which the manager, management etc will share among themself and
nobody will talk asour rules and regulations stated.

So my intention to contact you and what exactly I want from you are:
1.To stand as the relation to the deceased customer and put claim
over this fund by completion and submission of an application to the
bank for approval.

2.To negotiate a reliable business in your country where I will
invest my own share after smooth execution of this business with
your comprehensive advise and direction.

Finally, do not be afraid, this business is 100% risk free as I have
putting everything inplace here in my department with accountant
officer which will facilitate the progress of this business before I
contacted you .Everything is legal and will be legally done.

Get back to me urgently as I am waiting to hear from you.
Uche Nwadavid.

Dear Uche,
I have read the contents of your email, and I can assure you that they are well noted. I hope that you are doing well. I am doing great, I have just found out that I have gonorrhea. I think that I got it from my favorite bitch, Stella. She said that she may have contracted it from her Boss/Pimp, Fly Guy. I was thinking over what businesses in America are good to invest in right now. I have been hearing wonderful things about Martha Stewart, Inc., and I have been hearing about huge dividend payoffs from Enron. Either one sounds to be a very solid and stable investment, as my personal banker Peter North has informed me. Peter also has a great company called North Pole Productions. It is kind of his side job. He produces straight- to- video movies with beautiful women and strapping young bucks. That is also an option. But he knows nothing of our business, he is just my banker who I ask questions. Well anyway, I am very excited to proceed. I am also very curious as to what you look like. Can you send me a picture, please? I'll send you one back. I would also like to know a little more about you. Tell me about the real Uche Nwadavid. I can't wait! Take care.
-John Steemer


*Hell yeah I’m in. What am I retarded? Show me the money Uche*

Dear John Steemer,

This is a business that needs sezriousness ,confidential ,honest,co-operation etc,If realy you want us to work and achieve this money for the better of both of us, be more serius and review my photo in attached message and call me for discussion to agree on certain things especially the indicated percentages in my first message before we could proceed towards the claim of this fund by completion and submission nof an application of fund release/transfer to the bank .

My complete contact informations:

Name :Uche Nwadavid
Address :Boulavard, 721 Rd K-close House 5 Avenida Avenue,Lome-Togo
Profession : Banqour (Banker)
Position : Manager(Auditting / Accounting BTCI)
Marital Status : Married.
Children : 3
Age : 48yrs
Tel: (+228)9175627

Regards,
Nwadavid
Image
*What a looker. He looks professional and trustworthy. His family must be so proud of him*

Dear Uche,
Here is my picture. I liked yours. I bet you have a got a MILF for a wife. You don’t look 48 years old, you look good. So anyway, I’ll be in touch with you soon.
-Steemer

Image
*This is John “Cleveland” Steemer. A lot of people tell him that he looks like Michael Flatley, the Lord of the Dance*

*Now is when things start going from bad to worse for the old Ucher. His email address got cancelled. Now John is really pissed at him. Not only for the email address issue, but also for the tone of his last email. Time to lay down the law*

Dear Uche,
What's going on with the transaction? I am sending you mail to this address because your hotmail account no longer exists. So please call me, I would like to know the status. My phone and fax number are working, so use them without delay. You can reach me on my email addy, it still works. I hope that everything is still okay. I have sent you a picture of myself so that you can see what I look like. As far as your last message, you seemed angry with me, and I can't understand why. I championed you to handle any and all modalities regarding this transaction, and I think that your sense of urgency could use a refresher course. I am now upset. Why do you believe that I am not taking you seriously? Where the fuck do you get off talking to me like that? Great, now I am mad. I apologize for using the word fuck, and I would go back and erase it, but my backspace key is broken, and I can't go back to erase the word fuck. Oh well, I guess that I will be waiting for your reply. I also tried calling you several times, but an International Operator keeps intercepting the calls and tells me that you are unavailable. Is this some sort of joke? What the fuck? Sorry, there I go again with the word fuck. I am expecting you to rectify this ASAP, as I have done all that I can do. Would you like to hear something funny? Do you know what's green and eats balls? Gonorhea. And I have it. And that joke is simply a funny mode of transportation for the reality that I am enduring. My balls fucking kill, Uche! Please get back to me, I have to go now and sit in a tub full of aloe vera enriched lubricants so my nads don't feel they have been repeatedly grazed with a weed wacker. Ow! Please REPLY AND COMPLY ASAP!.
-John Steemer


Dear John Steemer,
Thanks alot for replying me through this box.Unfortunately I encounter web problem, virus attacked my computer due to a lot of documents I saved in and destroyed all of them.So I am unable to receive message in my Hotmail accout.
Meanwhile I can understand your seriousness towards this business,but to be quite sure before we could proceed towards the claim.Do call me as soon as you received this message .
Thanks
Mr.UChe Nwadavid.
Tel (+228)9175627 .Note while calling from AMERICA, you should dial 00112289175627 .Waiting to discuss with you.
UCHE

*Those viruses will get you shut down every time. Yeah, so will spamming and scamming from a free email server*

Uch-
Hi. Please excuse me right now, I have just been gambling and drinking. I won big at gambling. I won $17,000.00 (seventeen thousand dollars) USD playing 3-Tittied Whore Poker. Have you ever played that one? I love that game. Anyway, so you got a virus. That's too bad. Did it leave blisters and sores around your lips? That would be even worse. I have been trying to call you, but I think that your phone is a little wacky. I heard long beeps, and then an operator told me that the number could not be reached. I asked her if she knew you. She said no. Then I told her I was trying to call you because you were my long lost favorite lover, and I needed some "Muche Uche" to root me like a clogged drain. I never told the operator about our little secret business $$$$$ deal though. Her and I ended up talking for some time, and if she ever comes to America, I made her promise to look me up so I could diddle her middle and she could tickle my pickle. Why haven't you called me? My phone line works dandy. I just checked my voicemail, hoping to hear your voice, but all that I heard was a message from my friend Juan Valdez. He is pretty rich. He owns coffee. So, we need to proceed. I need to sleep. It's late, and my sack has been dragging on the floor for about 3 hours. I need to go to bed so that I can replenish my protein enriched fluids. So, I will hear from you later.
-Super Johnny


Dear John Steemer,

I tried to get through but could not get through due to heavy storm that effect my telephone line.I did not see any seriousness in you .Your words did not look matured.Well After our discussion, I will provide you with an application which you will complete and fax to the bank for approval.So do call me tonight,my number still remain same below.

Uche Nwadavid
TEl: (0011228)9175627.

Uche-
Hello. I see that you got my past letter. What did you mean that my words did not sound matured? What does that mean? I think that I see what you mean, but I am not sure. Maybe I was a little tipsy and wrote you a letter with young words? Now that doesn't make a lick of sense. I guess that you can discipline me when I get there. You may try calling me whenever it's convenient for you, and feel free to leave a message. I tried calling you again, and I got the same long beeps as before. On Monday, get back to me with any further modalities of this transaction. I am going away for the remainder of the weekend. My friend Billy Lumberg and myself are driving to Texas because they have the best Waffle House in the nation there, well supposedly anyway. Billy and I will be the judge of that. So, I will return from Texas on Sunday night, and hopefully with the time difference, I will have a message from you waiting for me. Oh, and I almost forgot, I don't have a cellular phone. Actually, the reason that I do not have one is because they are illegal in my community. There have been too many cell phone related deaths in the past years here. People dropping like flies from brain cancer, getting in accidents and/or going off of the road because they were talking on their phones, even a couple of reported cellular induced heart attacks. So, I can't get one. They don't sell them in my county at all. And I am not about to drive for 500+ miles just to get a cellular phone. Hopefully, Arnold Schwartzenpecker, our Governor will lift the cell phone ban in November's elections and I can go back to calling 1-976-SUCK at a better rate. Well, I have to go now. Billy is playing with my organ, and that means that I'm driving. I'll hear from you Monday. Good day, Uch.
-John Steemer


*So now comes the Bank Application. Everything is going according to the plan… er, scam*

Dear John Steemer,

Thanks for your mail.Meanwhile below is the application to fill and send to bank and wheneve the contact do keep me intouch before you reply them to avoid mistake.I will try to call you on monday.

Thanks

Mr.Nwadavid

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------
APPLICATION FOR CLIAM OF MY LATE COUSIN'S ACCOUNT
-------------------------------------------------
DR.FOUTAMAT DIALLO MANAGER FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIVISION BTCI BANK LOME TOGO WEST AFRICA
Tel:+ 228 9211103 Fax +228 222 11 49 Email: infor-btcibank@financier.com

Dear Sir,

APLICATION FOR THE TRANSFER OF USD10.5M (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY) FROM ACCOUNT # 6457128429/EC/TG/91

Name : --------------------------------------
Add : ----------------------------------------
Sex :------------------------------------------
Age :-----------------------------------------
Profession : --------------------------------
Tel : ------------------------------------------
Fax :-------------------------------------------
Email :----------------------------------------
Date :-----------------------------------------

Sir

I Humbly apply for the transfer of fund from your bank as the next of kin of Mr.Paul Phillip who was a registered customer of your bank, he is the holder of a fixed deposit account in your bank. This account is said to hold an estimated.$10,500,000,00USD (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) .

Bellow is the account information of my late cousin:
Account # 6457128429/EC/TG/91
Beneficiary: Mr.Paul Phillip.
Amount Deposited : $10,500,000.00USD (only)

Please kindly be informed that my late cousin Mr.Paul Philip operated a company in Lome-Togo by the name of Texaco Petroleum chemical Services Ltd. in Togo/Ghana West Africa. Since his death along with his immediate next of kin in 1990 because of high blood pressure, I have been unable to come forward to claim this fund due to family logistic problem consequently arised after his burial and personal issues.

Please upon acknowledge of this application, I would be please to provide more information that may be required. Hence I would like to send all his necessary documents if required in other to prove my status claim.

I respectfully request your expedience in treating this matter with utmost urgency, hence I will need the funds to continue running the family’s business in our country, since we are no longer conducting business in lome togo west Africa. I will await your response to wards this issue.

KINDLY BE INFORMED THAT MY LATE COUSIN'S FUND SHOULD TRANSFERED TO MY BANK ACCOUNT BELOW.SORRY FOR ANY INCONVINIENCE THIS DEMAND MAY BRING TO YOU AND I FURTHER WISH YOU COULD ACCEPT MY PETITION AND HAVE THE FUND TRANSFERRED INTO MY ACCOUNT

Bank account Information:

Bank name -------------------------------------------- Bank address:--------------------------------------Account Number :----------Swift Code :-----------------------------------------Bank Tel : -------------------- Fax : ------------------


Yours Sincerely

----------------------

Name/Signature


*The Bank Application came from a random email address, infor-btcibank@financier.com. Upon checking the IP Number, it was the exact same as Uche’s. Well, Uche is a Banker, but what happened to confidentiality?*

Hello Ucher-
Good day. I apologize in my time getting back to you. I have been a busy man as of late, and I have been trying my damnedest to tend to business. I hope that you understand. I have sent the necessary application to the bank as you requested. If you would like, I will copy the email and send it to you as well. Anywho, please feel free to get back to me whenever you feel it's convenient for you. I am looking forward to your reply. If you hear of any problems before I do, please let me know so that they can be fixed. Thanks.
-John


*Below is the finished application. I also sent a copy that wonderful Mugu, Uche*

Quote:
Name : Johnathan Elwood Steemer
Address : 1169 Cleveland Ave. Gustavo, CA 92192
Sex : Male
Age : 44
Profession : Entrepreneur
Tel : 206-xxx-xxxx
Fax : 206-xxx-xxxx
Email : clevelandsteemer@xxxx.com
Date : 5/17/04
Sir,
I Humbly apply for the transfer of fund from your bank as the next of kin of Mr.Paul Phillip who was a registered customer of your bank, he is the holder of a fixed deposit account in your bank. This account is said to hold an estimated.$10,500,000,00USD (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) .
Below is the account information of my late cousin:
Account # 6457128429/EC/TG/91
Beneficiary: Mr. Paul Phillip.
Amount Deposited : $10,500,000.00USD (only)
Please kindly be informed that my late cousin Mr.Paul Philip operated a company in Lome-Togo by the name of Texaco Petroleum chemical Services Ltd. in Togo/Ghana West Africa. Since his death along with his immediate next of kin in 1990 because of high blood pressure, I have been unable to come forward to claim this fund due to family logistic problem consequently arised after his burial and personal issues.
Please upon acknowledge of this application, I would be please to provide more information that may be required. Hence I would like to send all his necessary documents if required in other to prove my status claim.
I respectfully request your expedience in treating this matter with utmost urgency, hence I will need the funds to continue running the family’s business in our country, since we are no longer conducting business in lome togo west Africa. I will await your response to wards this issue.
KINDLY BE INFORMED THAT MY LATE COUSIN'S FUND SHOULD TRANSFERED TO MY BANK ACCOUNT BELOW.SORRY FOR ANY INCONVINIENCE THIS DEMAND MAY BRING TO YOU AND I FURTHER WISH YOU COULD ACCEPT MY PETITION AND HAVE THE FUND TRANSFERRED INTO MY ACCOUNT
Bank account Information:
Bank name: Best Western Bank
Bank address: 45189 Derelict Blvd. Rancho Gaucho, CA 90225
Account Number : 35-00-7522565-2
Swift Code : N/A
Bank Tel : 1-800-528-1234
Fax : 1-800-555-1212
Yours Sincerely
John Steemer
Name/Signature
John Steemer

*The phone number for my Bank is actually that of Best Western Hotels International Reservations*

Dear John Steemer,

Thanks for your message.You should understand at this time that I will not show any concern about your claim in this bank,I mean ,this bank should not by any means discovered that I was involved in your claim and you should not let them to discovered that I have personnal interest over your claim.The reason is that I am still working in this bank to avoid exposure which might jeopardized all our arrangement.Keep on waiting, they will get back to you in as much as you have send the application.Do you send it by fax or email?

Finally,I will like us to exchange our identity.So if possible send your passport or photo to me, on the receival I will send mine also .

Waiting to hear from you.
Uche Nwadavid
One Dumb Fucking Mugu
*Now wait a minute. That sure as Hell doesn’t look like the Uche that I know. That’s right, the scammer committed the Cardinal Sin- He sent two different pictures. The names aren't even the same! The Passport came in with the name "Tony Muba" on it?! What a moron*

Uch-
How are you, I hope well. As far as mentioning your name with the bank, it didn't happen. Don't go getting your Zebra skin thong in a twist, remember we should trust one another. I can ensure you confidentiality 100%, my man. But the bank still has not contacted me regarding my application. I hope that all is still in order. I assume that it is. As far as your next request, I am unable to provide you with a Passport at this time. I believe that in a drunken state, I lost it. I have applied for a new one, but that was sometime ago, and I don't have a clue as to what the Hell is going on with that. However, I can provide you with another picture. It will be attached with this email. So, I guess that is all that I can say right now. Stay in touch my good man. Take care.
-John

Image
*Damn, Johnny has got one keen sense of fashion, eh?*

*The Bank sent some more documentation. This is where John gets confused……*

Uch-
I have received your email, and trust me, the documents were very well noted. I hope that all is in working order. I have sent you my photo, and I can tell that you are pleased. I must tell you though, I have already submitted my application to the bank, and they have already sent me what I think is proper documentation. I would attach it for you, but the file is too big. So I'll send it to you after I compress it. It will be immediately followed by this email. You work for the bank, so you will know exactly what this means. Please get back to me. Well, I have to go now. I am going to get a drink with a close friend of mine at the Blue Oyster Bar. It's our favorite. Take care.
-John


Dear John,

Thanks for your response.However as I ealier told you, I will not
show any involvement or concern to your claim, why? because I am
still working in this bank.So it is very risky to make further
investigation regarding the documents bank forward to you.However
try to send them to me,because I suppose to see their requirement
before I know what to do .If you can not send it by email, just
print it out and send it to my private fax (:+228)222 33 41.If you
want to send via email, open the message and click forward ,them
include my email at the send spaces and click send,it will come to
my box with the attachement.

Waiting .
Uche Nwadavid

Uche-
I am finding it rather difficult to print out the necessary document to fill out and return it to the bank. The file is also TOO LARGE to send to you. But I guess that is the beauty of free email boxes, right? You know what I mean, limited MB storage and ALL THAT. This is probably irritating me just as much as it is irritating you. We need to come up with a better solution. Please, I need some options. What can we do? Please, get back to me.
-John


*The file really was very large. This may be the one time in the entire letter that I am telling the truth*

Dear John,

Thank you for your mail.John ,I have no solution other than when I see the bank official documents they send you, then I will know what exactly they request from you and see what to do.So it is very important that you forward it to me.The only option I have now, is for you to make up time, go through it carefully and write it out for me.But to forward an attachment is very simple,as I told you in my previous message, all you need to do, is to open the message that contains the attachment,then click forward button when it appeared put my email address and send to me,period.Just do so that I will know their response.

Do not waste time as delay is not to our own benefits.
Uche Nwadavid.

Hey Uche-
I think that my best option here is to have my lawyer look it over. These kinds of documents have never really graced my presence, and I am feeling very skeptical about signing my name on a legal document of this magnitude with so many modalities. If you object to this, then I am guessing that we have no choice but to cancel this transaction outright. If you agree to this, then I can send the document back to you from my lawyer's email address, as he has bigger storage and it will not be a problem. My lawyer's name is Billy Lumberg, and you don't have to worry about a thing. He has been a friend of mine for a very long time and he is a very honest guy, unlike some lawyers that are nothing short of a full-fledged shyster in my book. Please reply to this immediately and let me know what to do. I need your guidance Uche. Please don't let me down. I trust you will make everything kosher. Thanks.
-John


Dear John,

All I needed is to see the documents which the bank send to you.If
you know the better way to send it to me, why delaying time is
running out of hand.

Goodnight.
Mr.Uche

*Enter my friend and Attorney, Billy Lumberg*

To Whom It May Concern:
I have received the attached document. I have also saved it for my records. I would like to know what it is exactly you want me to do from here. Please reply at your best convenience. Attached below is my picture. Thanks you.
Sincerely,
Billy Lumberg

Image
*Yeeeah, I'm going to be John's Attorney from here, umkay?*

Dear Uche,
I told you what my solution is, or I simply made a suggestion, and you react to me like that? Don't get pissy with me, please keep in mind, you contacted me. I will not hesitate to forward all of your letters and the necessary documents to your bank. Don't push me.
-John


Dear Mr. Uche Nwadavid,
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is William Lumberg, but I go by Billy, so please address me as such. I am an Attorney at Law in California. My California BAR Association ID is: CA-962744-005. I am the residing Attorney for Mr. Jonathan Steemer. He has contacted me in regards to a legal document that you have sent to him. I have looked it over, and it seems to be legitimate. My client has also informed me to forward the document to yourself so that you may look it over. Please feel free reply to my email with any questions or concerns. As per the request of my client, any and all further communications will be done through me. Attached to this email is the documentation for which you have requested. Have a pleasant day.

Sincerely,
William Lumberg
Attorney at Law
Dewey, Cheatum and Howe PC


Dear Uche,
I apologize for the tone in my last email, for I am having a bad day. I do believe that my lawyer Billy Lumberg should have contacted you by now. He was insistant to me that for the rest of our time, only he should communicate with you. Although I have agreed to that, I did it just to please him. He does not understand the bond of trust that you and I have, and he doesn't see the seriousness of this transaction. So, I say screw him, you and I should communicate just as well as you and him communicate. Do you see where I am coming from? It will be harder and more time consuming for you to deal with Billy, and then have Billy deal with me. So, any emails that you send to him, please also forward them to me after you send them. This will keep me in the loop, and save us time. Eventually, I can simply eliminate Billy all together. So I hope that you are up for this, I just want to move things along as fast as possible. Thanks.
-John


Dear William Lumberg,

Thanks alot for stepping into this business to render your
intellectual assistance.My respect goes to your profession .Now I
believed your client and my partner MR.JONATHAN STEEMER has
explained this business to your proper understanding and
satisfactory ,I appreciate if he has done that. Handling over the
afairs of this business to you make alot of senses and will contribute immensely towards smooth conclusion of this business
becaus of your great intellect and diplomatic power.

Now ,it is very important that I see the documents before he could
respond to the bank .I am not aware of the documents because I am in
different department aware from remittance entry, I believed after
he might have apply for the released of this fund by completion and
submission of an aplication to the approriate department in our
bank,our bank called for board of director meeting in respect of his
application ,so I am not aware of the documents they forwarded to
him that is why I need to review it to know if there is anything
they demanded from him before an approval certificate could be
giving to him . So you should endeavour to send the documents to me
,I have empties by mailbox, so feel free to forward them to me.If it
seems hard to forward, just print out and fax to my private fax line
below . Understand that with my position in this bank, I have done
all the neccessary underground network and put everything in placed
here in my department with an assistance of an accountant officer to
facilitate the progress of this business.I am not rich that is
eaxctly why I want to make sure that nothing could jeopardized this
effot because I have used all my savings to settle the account
officer to obtain his assistance.Why I contacted your client is
because I can not do this business alone.This is an opportunity that
sometimes comes out in banking industries but not heard.

Finally,I always called MR.JONATHAN but could not get him online, so
I will like us to be in daily telephone communication,because I need
to explain more about this business to you.My number still remain
the same which I give MR.JONATHAN.If possible provide me with your
direct telephone and fax number ,you can also called you anyime you
wish.

Waiting .
MR.UCHE NWADAVID
TEL: (+228)9175627
FAX : (+228)222 33 41.

*Damn. Uche avoids the subject of John’s last email*

Uche-
Obviously, you did not pay too much close attention to my last email. I am all for having a lawyer, and I appreciate that you forwarded the same letter to me. What I want to do is eliminate him all together as soon as his work is done. I don't want to give him a cut of anything. I simply want his advice for free, or "pro-boner" as we say in America. He will be insistent on a percentage of the money, from both you and I. He is a friend, but I like money more than him. What do you say we "eliminate the problem" once services are rendered? Let me know. Thanks.
-John


Dear Uche,

I am writing you while I am at the airport waiting to board a flight to Biloxi, Mississippi for a weekend getaway with my wife. I will not return to the office until late Monday night. Before I leave, I wanted to send you the document that was forwarded to myself by my client, but I am sorry to say that your mailbox is still full. Please circumvent this problem so that we may proceed. I will not be responding to any emails or phone calls while away. Upon my return, we will conduct our business as per usual. Have a good weekend.

Sincerely,
William Lumberg


Dear William Lumberg,

Okay, print it out and fax to my .I have already giving you my private
fax number.If you can not fax it, just make time ,write out their
information and send it to me because my mail box is not full at all.The problem
might be from yourself.I wounder the size of documents that could not be
forwarded. I need to speak with you,kindly provide your own telephone
number
to me.

Uche Nwadavid

*Uche then writes to John. I think that he’s pretty mad about the current state of all of this email crap*

Dear John,

Uptill now neither you nor lawyer has provided me with the document our bank forwarded to you.Why? Why are you hiding things involved in this transaction away from me? What do you want to hear from me about your below message whereas I was kept blind.I contacted you so that both of us will work together and achieve this money.How are we going to achieve this money other than co-operation and understanding.You told me that you are going to connect your Lawyer for assistance, I did not hesistate to your idea, now you are asking me if you will eliminate him after the business.You could have discuss and agree with him before you make such move.When you told me that you want to connect your lawyer, if I disagree that time because I know what will be involved, you will start thinking negative about this business.Now you engaged him,he is a humanbeing and like money also, he can not just render you an assistance and left with nothing.You have already connected him, so I beieved he is now among us.If he can render proper assistance to faciliate the progress of this businsss fine ,I wouldn't mind to compensate him from my own share of the money after we might have minus all expenditure.He wrote me that he is in airport trying to move out with his wife,that's did not show aany maturity and seriousness in business.Maybe he is bringing pleasure with business,But pleasure suppose to come after business.

I still insist ,send what our bank send to you.We should not be delaying time is running out of hand.Bank might be expecting to hear from you.

Mr.Uche Nwadavid

Uche-
Please refrain from getting so pissed. There is nothing to worry about. The fact that Billy is going out of town for the weekend was planned long before you and I ever crossed paths. Now you listen to me. All of this will be taken care of when Billy returns from his weekend getaway. The reason that he left for the weekend is because his wife and him are in marriage counseling sessions. His wife walked in on him while he was boffing his secretary in the office. That's why he's out of town. So watch your tongue, Uche. You are speaking and commenting on matters that you don't understand. The reasons that I speak of eliminating Billy are that of my own. I agreed to be honest with you so here is why I am planning such events. I met Billy's wife about 2 years ago when Billy took me on as a client. I took one look at her and nutted in my jeans. She was the most amazing piece of ass that I had ever encountered. As I got to know Billy a little more, I noticed that he is really into the finer things in life. He likes to go the tittie-bars and take the dancers into the VIP Room, where he has sex with them and does cocaine with them. He also has an affinity for male prostitutes. When I ask him about his preferences, he just kind of shrugs it off, like nothing is the matter. The guy is a good friend, but a two-timing scumbag to his wife. So anyway, I went to Billy's one time to return his member enlargement pump and a copy of Boy's Life that he left in my car. He was not home, but his wife Steph was. Damn, she looked good. She was wearing tight jeans, and you could even see her moose knuckle. She was wearing a tight tank top and it looked like she was smuggling raisins under it. I ended up staying there and talking with her over a cup of coffee. The next thing that I knew, she was tossing my salad. Have you ever had one of your bitches do that? Wow. Steph and I went at it for a couple of hours. Our relationship blossomed into an insane love affair, anal beads and all. So my point is that I am going to eliminate Billy after our transaction is said and done so that Steph and I can be together with my share of the money. So now do you see where I am coming from? Don't piss me off, because I will not hesitate to forward all of your emails to the bank, and then this shit could get ugly. I am also attaching a picture of Steph so you can have a reason to get a prescription written for some Viagra. Get back to me Uch.
-John

Image
*Steph? Or is it Jenna Jameson? Either way, who gives a shit. She’s hot*

Dear John ,

I understand the fact. Steph very butiful women.So anyway you want to deal with Billy, I am
not against it.I will wait till Billy come back but try to consider
our time factors.

Have a nice weekend.
Mr.Uche

Uch-
Thank you for understanding. I'll get back to you on Monday.
-Steemer


Dear William Lumberg ,

Happy for successful journey and congratulation to your marriage.I
will be
waiting to hear from you tomorrow regarding the issue of this business.
Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid

Dear Uche,
I am home now. However, I will not be able to deal with any of the documentation until tomorrow. I am buried under several other cases at the moment, and being away for the weekend did not help matters much, with my cases or my marriage. So I will try once again to forward you all of the documents tomorrow. And lastly, I know that I am not stupid, your email box was full. Since you use a hotmail account, your storage limit is 1MB, and the document that the bank sent to my client was bigger than 1MB. So that is why it was returned to me. At worst case scenario, I will have my client type the answers to all of the questions and email them to you and myself. I will be in contact with you tomorrow. And I will also provide you with my private phone number. Have a good day.

Sincerely,
Mr. Lumberg


*So John decides to email Uche, hoping that Steph didn’t let the snake out of the cage, err, the cat out of the bag*

Hey Uche-
Have you heard from Billy? I am hoping that all is okay, I really hope that Steph didn't burst out in their marriage counseling session and say, "John donkey punches me because you never do!" or something to that effect. That could really soil both of our drawers, if you know what I mean. Regardless, I am definitely ready to get this show on the road. Hopefully, you and I can light a fire under Billy's ass that will get him to move as fast as Michael Jackson in the ballpit at a Chuck E. Cheese. Well, I hope all is well, and I hope that you had a good weekend. Get back at me you big hunk of manlove.
-John


Dear John Steemer,

Yes I have heard from him today.Below is his meesage to me and my message back to him.

Mr.Uche.

*So he attaches the message that he sent to Billy. Whoop dee fucking doo. I want to know if Billy and his wife decided to reconcile, or if Steph told Billy that I’m a champion in between the sheets*

Dear Uche,
Thank you for the mail. Your prompt replies are appreciated. Well anyway, things could not be any worse for me. I found out that my wife is having an affair, and once I find out with who, he’s going to wish that he was never born. Anyway, let’s commence on business. I could not send the file to you, I think that you got that point. What I will do however is look it over and type out each question and have my client answer it to the best of his ability. What we are trying to achieve here is the same common goal, and I don’t want this to take any longer than it has to. I am sure that you don’t either. The less time that I spend on this, the more time I can spend on finding out who has been sailing my wife’s channels. Nonetheless, I hope that this will be an acceptable solution. I will consult with my client, and we’ll hopefully be in touch tomorrow, umkay? Take care. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Billy Lumberg


*So now it’s time to stall our mugu just a little longer. Oh shit, John got a virus and his hard drive crashed. Hey, it happened to Uche*

Dear Uche,
Greetings of the day. I am sorry to say that my client, John Steemer, is having a serious computer problem. His system was infected by the Sasser Worm, and eventually his hard drive crashed. I have just gotten off of the phone with him, and he has asked me to have you forward the bank's email address to me to expedite this transaction as fast as possible. On behalf of my client, I apologize for this glitch, but the damage is already done, so there is no use pouting. Regardless, he would have emailed you himself, but he is afraid that you will scold him. He is a stressed young man my client, and he is also very sensitive. So, I hope that you understand, and I will deal with the bank myself. I look forward to your reply. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Billy Lumberg


Dear Willaim,

Well, thanks for your message.THe email address of
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIVISION in our bank remain the same
E-MAIL : infor-btcibank@financier.com

Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*Jesus Christ. What a whiny fucking bitch. Boo hoo*

Dear Uche,
I am sorry for inconveniencing you further in this transaction. My computer's hard drive took a shit on me. I am very upset at the moment. The modalities of this transaction are coming together. This is just one of those things that happens. I know that I contracted the Sasser Virus when I visited www.3dslut.com, and downloaded the program to have a virtual slut on my computer. I wish that I could say better things myself, but at this point I am tapped out. I will go tomorrow and buy a new laptop computer. This way, I can be mobile. Again I am sorry, please don't be mad at me. I value you as a business partner and as a friend. Uch, you're the man. Thanks.
-John


John-

Alright, try to put your computer in other and understand that this business is never a joke.

Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*Yeah, he’s right. I’ve known for a while now that I have to put my computer in other?!*

Dear Uche,
I have emailed the bank asking for the necessary questionnaire document. Below is the following message that I sent to the bank.
Sincerely,
Billy Lumberg



Quote:
To Whom It May Concern:

My client, John Steemer, has received recent documents from your bank regarding a business transaction. Please forward the questionnaire portion document to me. I am William Lumberg, Attorney at Law. Thank You.

Sincerely,
William Lumberg


*Uh oh. John is “steeming” mad about Uche’s last email, and he may have been boozing a little before he wrote this one. Time to play hardball you little prick. Read the words. I think that Uche might get a tad confused over this one*

Hey Uche-
Now I am irate. You are telling me to be serious? Your fucking computer crashed a little while ago, too. Let’s not forget that. Next, you’re telling me to be more serious? I am breaking my balls over this transaction, and you’re standing by like a man with nothing to lose. From the way that it seems to me, Billy is doing the legwork here. Lucky for me that he doesn’t know that he has no idea that I just gave his wife a rim job, or else I think that both you and I would be busier than a couple of 1 legged men in an ass kicking contest. See my point? We would have more luck if we nailed our one good foot to the floor. I know that you definitely get my point now. If you don’t, then Helen Keller is rolling over in her shallow grave right now, laughing her ass off at you. What I mean is I am going to Perkin’s to get some food. Goodbye.
-Steemer


Dear John,

Okay I understand you and wish your lawyer could posibly be of assistance to us.I am not accusing you of not been serious,and concerned because our bank will not tolorate delay .

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Quote:
Dear Mr. Billy Lumberg,
Attn : Jonathan steemer
Review the attached information.
Akouvi Douglas
Seceretry Foreign Remittance division
BTCI


*They sent the usual crap. Forged bank documents, etc. Billy obliges, after he forwarded it to John*

Dear Mr. Douglas,

I have received the attached document and forwarded it to my client. Thank you.

Sincerely,
William Lumberg


*Uh oh. Once again, John gets confused. He fills out the “Official BTCI Questionnaire” and sends the answers to Uche and Billy*

Dear Billy and Uche-
I must say that I am here right now filling out the answers to the document that Billy sent me. I do not remember any of these answers. What I have, I will submit to you, and I will send it back to Billy too. But, I will not tell Billy to send it to the bank yet. There are some questions on here that I have no idea what are the answers, and you never told me. Keep in mind, I never knew this chump, I just want his money, just like you. So here are my answers to the questionnaires:


Quote:
Questionnaire A:
1. Mr. Paul Phillip
2. He was a Foreigner. Nationality unknown.
3. Manager of a Petrol Chemical Service, and an Electrical Engineer by profession.
4. High Blood Pressure. Running a fixed account at BTCI caused it.
5. 64
6. Cash- $10,500,000.00 (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand) USD.
Account#: 6457128429/EC/TG/91
7. He was single.
8. No, he operated a company in Lome-Togo, Texaco Petroleum Chemical Services Ltd.
9. A God Fearing Christian
10. No

Questionnaire B:
1. 1980
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A


Those are the answers. Please get back to me if these are okay to submit.
-John


*Wow. Looks official. Let’s see how Uche reacts when John points the finger at him for not supplying all of the information*

Dear John Steemer,

Oh my good brother , sorry for this .If our bank ask you questions, you don't need to border yourself by answering any questions because you will not get them correctly.I noticed that the documents our bank forward to you is questions,so you are not in a position to answer any questions rather I myself.So try to write out the questions one after the otherr and forward them to me.I will definitly provide you with the correct answers because if you attempt to answer any question, you will not get them correctly and if you did not get them correctly and forward it to bank, our bank will not even give you communication again regarding your tendered application.So for us to achieve this business, just try and forward them to me, you should not border yourself because I will provide all the answers to me.Sorry for this mistake.I have dully putting evrything inplace here in the bank,his information is one of them.

Just try to forward the answers to me.IF possible call me my good brother.You are really putting your effort to the success of this business, I have noticed that because of this questions which you are trying to answers.It is y duty to provide you any answers which bank might ask you about this deceased.Sorry.

Regards
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*So he takes the apologetic approach. That’s okay, John is relieved. Uche just needs a little preparation, that’s all*

Hey Uch-
Thanks for the reply. Whew! That’s nice, because I did not know some of the answers. But maybe next time, be more prepared, huh? I am glad to have you, Uche. You entertain me and give me things to think about. I have fun corresponding with you. I may try to call you, I may not. I am liking the fact that we can communicate via email, it adds a little mystery. I am sure that I will talk to you when the time comes. As far as the questions go, I have not sent them to the bank yet, I just forwarded them to Billy. He will send them when I give him the okay to do so. But for now, I have to go. I am on my lunch hour and it’s time for a quickie with Steph. I look forward to our next encounter. I can already smell all of that money! What are you going to do with yours? I don’t know yet as to what I’ll do with mine, maybe a weekend in Las Vegas? How does endless days and nights of debauchery with a crazy bunch of hooligans sound? I’d love to see you there. That would be a toss of the salad, wouldn’t it?! Get back to me Uch.
-Steemer


Dear John,

Thanks as your law have not send the incomplete answers to the bank because it will definitly jeopardize all our effort so far.Now, write all the questions correctly and send them to you for review and provide you with the answers,that is the only thing that will solve this matter and keep this business going on.

I am waiting for the questions.

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Dear Ucher,
I will simply forward you the bank questionnaire, and you can fill it out and forge my signature. Sound good? Let me know. Thanks.
-John


*So he doesn’t bite on that. Good old Uche has paid off an Accountant to get me some answers. What a chum*

Dear John,

I received your message with the bank answers to you yesterday,so I
tried all my possible best this morning to make sure that I gather
together all the correct answers which yield positve result through
the help of an accountant officer who charge me alot of money
beforevhe could release the answer.I give him all I have and
promised to pay in full within 7working time .All my hope based on
the conclusion of this business which I know will not even take up
to 7working days if they could accept this answer without delay.So
Forward the below answers to the bank as soon as you recieved this
message and get back to me.

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Quote:
ANSWERS TO CATEGORY 'A' OFFICIAL QUESTIONNAIRE.

1.-State the full name of the deceased?
ANS: Mr.PAUL PHILLIP.

2.-State his/her Nationality?
ANS:KOREAN

3.-State his occupation/profession.?
ANS: DIRECTOR OF TEXACO PETROLEUM CHEMICAL SERVICES

4.-State clearly the date the deceased died and what
lead to his death?
ANS:31st OCT.1990 THROUGH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

5.-How old was he/her when he/she died?
ANS:MY LATE COUSIN DIED AT THE AGE OF 54YEARS.

6-Did the deceased left what in our custody? If cash state how much
and the account number?
ANS: MR.PAUL PHILLIP LEFT US$10,500,000.00 IN A FIXED DEPOSIT
ACCOUNT # 6457128429/EC/TG/91 .


7.-ANS:Yes, MARRIED TO MRS.ROSALIND RAY PHILLIP AND
HAVE ONE CHILD

8.-Was the deceased residing in this country? if yes state his
residential address.?
ANS: YES ,HIS RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS IS : RUE 1450 PALM BEACH AVENUE
LOME-TOGO WEST AFRICA.

9.-What is his/her religion?
ANS:CHRISTIAN.

10.-Was the deceased a member of any registered organisation here in
Lome Togo?
ANS: YES,MR PAUL PHILLIP WAS A REGISTERED MEMBER OF PETROL-CHEMICAL
SERVICE ORGANIZATION LOME-TOGO.



Quote:
ANSWERS TO CATEGORY 'B' OFFICIAL QUESTIONNAIRE.

1.State the certificate of incorporation number of the deceased
company and the date it was issued?
ANS: THE CERTIFICATE OF INCORPORATION NUMBER IS (S.A.R.L 9562322)
AND IT WAS ISSUED ON 10TH AUGUST 1981.

2.State the number of last tax clearance receipt that was issued to
his company?
ANS: THE NUMBER OF THE LAST TAX CLEARANCE RECEIPT ISSUED TO HIS
COMPANY WAS (FBIR0025663).

3.State the Cheque number of the last withdrawal made by the
deceased?
ANS: THE LAST WITHDRAWAL CHEQUE NUMBER WAS (O4670927-05223).>

4.State how much (exactly) that was withdrawal from that last
withdrawal and the receiver's name of that cheque? (Exact
information needed)
ANS: THE EXACT AMOUNT THAT WAS WITHDRAWN WAS FIFTY THREE MILLION CFA
( CFA IS THE LOCAL CURRENCY IN TOGO) AND THE CHEQUE WAS ISSUED TO
CIMTOGO, LOME-TOGO(A CEMENT COMPANY IN TOGO)

5.State the three-security "confirmations" as instructed by the
deceased to the bank?
ANS :THE THREE SECURITY CONFIRMATIONS AS INSTRUCTED BY THE DECEASED TO THE BANK ARE:
1) COMPANY SEALED STAMP,
2) CONFIRMATION BY TELEPHONE,
3) ATTACHED OF A NOTE FROM THE DECEASED


Uche-
Thanks buddy. I'm forwarding the answers to the bank now.
-John


*So here is what John forwarded to the bank. It’s only Questionnaire A. Whoops! John is so absent minded without Billy to guide him. But he always looks for someone else to blame. So he blames Uche. We haven’t heard from Billy in a while. He’ll be back, and he’ll be pissed*

To Whom It may Concern:
This is John Steemer. Here are the answers to your questionnaire. I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
John Steemer


Quote:
ANSWERS TO CATEGORY 'A' OFFICIAL QUESTIONNAIRE.

1.-State the full name of the deceased?
ANS: Mr.PAUL PHILLIP.

2.-State his/her Nationality?
ANS:KOREAN

3.-State his occupation/profession.?
ANS: DIRECTOR OF TEXACO PETROLEUM CHEMICAL SERVICES

4.-State clearly the date the deceased died and what
lead to his death?
ANS:31st OCT.1990 THROUGH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.

5.-How old was he/her when he/she died?
ANS:MY LATE COUSIN DIED AT THE AGE OF 54YEARS.

6-Did the deceased left what in our custody? If cash state how much and the account number?
ANS: MR.PAUL PHILLIP LEFT US$10,500,000.00 IN A FIXED DEPOSIT ACCOUNT # 6457128429/EC/TG/91 .


7.-ANS:Yes, MARRIED TO MRS.ROSALIND RAY PHILLIP AND
HAVE ONE CHILD

8.-Was the deceased residing in this country? if yes state his
residential address.?
ANS: YES ,HIS RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS IS : RUE 1450 PALM BEACH AVENUE
LOME-TOGO WEST AFRICA.

9.-What is his/her religion?
ANS:CHRISTIAN.

10.-Was the deceased a member of any registered organisation here in Lome Togo?
ANS: YES,MR PAUL PHILLIP WAS A REGISTERED MEMBER OF PETROL-CHEMICAL
SERVICE ORGANIZATION LOME-TOGO.


*This email came from Mr. Akouvi Douglas. His email is an @financier.com address. How respectable. He must be one Hell of a financier*

Quote:
ATTN : Mr.Jonathan Steemer,
You only provide an answer to catagory A official questionnaire,complete your answers to enable the board finalize with your claim .
Miss .Akouvi Douglas


*Time to play the ‘Blame Game’, and waste some more time*

Uch-
You made me look like a fool. You only provided the answers to the A section of the questionnaire. I need the B section so that we can get our money. I need those answers! Please get them to me so that we can delay the modalities no longer. Get back to me.
-Steemer


JOHN
I SEND YOU THE CORECT ANSERS. YOU TO FORGET B. I SENT AGIN.
-MR. UCHE

*Uh oh. John made Uche mad! By the look of his ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, Uche mad! Uche want to smash!*

Dear Uche,
The next time that you write me a letter like that, I will destroy you. Mr. Douglas deserves to know the truth about your crooked plans at the bank. Don’t you ever forget that I am saving your ass. You came to me, and like a nice boy, I replied very well to your advances. You are being mean to me, and I will not stand for it. My Therapist told me not to.
-Steemer


Dear Mr. Douglas,
Here are the answers to Questionnaire B. Take them, and you know where you can stick them.
Sincerely,
John Steemer


Dear John Steemer,
Thanks alot.In as much as you forward both category "A" and "B"
answers to the bank without putting or removing any number,within
few working days we shall be in round table discussion in USA
because after you confirm the money in your account, I will surely
meet you for subsiquent sharing according to our agreed percentages.
Happy weekend.
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*The following is a letter sent to Uche from Billy. Billy has been out of the loop, and he is not happy*

Dear Mr. Uche,
I demand to know what is going on with my client, Mr. John Steemer. He is refusing to respond to my emails, in regards to the transaction at hand, or in regards to the nature of business in general. I would greatly appreciate a response from you at once. Thank you for just being you.
Sincerely,
William Lumberg


*Uche doesn’t know what to do. He asks Steemer for advice*

Dear John,
Here is the message your attorney write me.I have never reply him till I hear from you.
If you wish me to reply him or not get back to me.
Mr.Uche

Yo Uche-
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I have been a busy man. It is the Holiday weekend, so I have been doing nothing except for barbequing, drinking, and Steph. So Billy sent you a letter. Neat. I say go ahead and respond to him however you would like to. I could care less. He’s probably moping around the house right now anyway. Steph left him. She lives with me now. But Billy doesn’t know that yet. Oh well, it’s about time that a Lawyer got fucked up their ass.

Next, I got a letter from the bank saying that they need $1,200.00 (Twelve Hundred) USD? Is that right? I’ll forward it to you because know how to read these things, you being a banker and all. So I’ll send it to you. If that’s the case, I’ll have to keep stringing Billy along, because I can just hit him up for that kind of money, and then just pay him back later. So, I guess that’s all for now. Hope that you are doing okay. I really miss you. When you get to America, I’ll show you what it’s like to be corn-holed. You will absolutely love it! So will your wife. As far as your kids, I’ll show them a little game that we used to play when I was a kid called, “Highway Dodgeball”. It’s a fun game. But when you get here, I’ll probably need you to spring for the hypo needles, or at least 1 gram of black tar. Whatever, fuck it, we’ll work it out later. So get back to me, and I’ll work on getting the money. Later Uchump.
-Steemer


*The letter from the bank is quite large, so I did not include it. It said that they are happy to inform me of the correct answers on the questionnaires, blah, blah, blah. It also told me that they need $1,200.00 smackers to release the funds. What a surprise! It’s about time that this mugu asked for some cash*

Dear John,

Thanks for your response.I learnt that our bank has contacted you regarding the answers you forward to them.That is alright.Secondly according to your message, they demanded total sum of us$1,200.00 from you,what for?If it is to activate the dormant acount, then it is right,because before any money in that dormant account could be transfer to any new account, it must be re-activated.However you will try to forward it to me for proper checking.But in anything we need to response to them fast so that before the week runs to end, the bank will transfer this money in your account and I will proceed to meet you in USA.I thank you for your effort so far.Remember that I maped out 5% to cover any incidential expenses that might incure,so be rest assured any money you spend whether you borrow from somebody or not will be refund to you immediately your confirm this money in your account.

I will write to Billy that I have forwarded you the correct answers to the bank official questionaire in which you have forwarded to the bank, is that okay?

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*Of course it’s to activate the dormant account fuckface! You wrote it, you should know what it said*

**Continued into next post**


Last edited by Guest on Mon Oct 04, 2004 11:08 am; edited 19 times in total
Guest







PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

**Continued from first post**

Uche-
Good. I am glad that you have received everything on my part. It is good to hear that you have all of your nuts in your sack. You can write Billy whatever you want, I don't care. I plan on ending him very soon. Do you know any good "cleaners"? I would pay one a lot of money. Next, in order to come up with the $1,200 (One Thousand Two Hundred) USD, I will have to sell some of my belongings. Maybe I will sell my autographed picture of Erik Estrada. I so love him. It took me several teabags and back shavings to obtain such a piece of nostalgia, but I guess for our purposes it is well worth it. And I'll probably end up having to sell my houseboy Quang to the black-market. That's okay though, because I am sure that I can get some good money for him. He smokes a mean rope. Upon selling Quang, I should have more than enough money for our purposes, leaving me with a few extra dollars for gifts. I was thinking about that. I want to get you and the bankers that are rubbing and tugging so many wanks a gift of some sort. I don't know what to get you guys. I was thinking maybe a new computer of some sort for each of you guys. Does that sound good? If that's okay, let me know, but if you have a better idea in mind, let me know as well. I'll just sit around and touch myself until I hear from you, as reading your replies seems to speed up the process. I am very excited at this point in our transaction, if you saw me right now you'd understand! So get back to Uchee Buchee, and I'll cum back to you. Ravishing.
-Steemer


Dear John,

Thanks for your response and understanding.For us to achieve this money, it is very essential to comply with bank requirement to enable the release and transfer of this inheritance into your designated bank account.

However, I wish you could forward me the bank documents for review.Finally, try to make the payment by tomorrow so that before the week runs to end, the bank will transfer this money in your account.I believed that is the onlything that is holding the release of this fund to you.Immediately it is solved, nothing could stop the release of this fund into your account.

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Hey Uch-
What’s happening? I have some great news, chief. I have sold Quang. I got $10,000.00 (Ten Thousand) USD for him from a man named Telly Savalas. Telly wanted to buy him from me after he found out that Quang used to be a contortionist in the Chinese circus. He said that he wanted Quang to squeeze into boxes for his own personal entertainment. Do you know who Telly Savalas is? I’ll enclose a picture of him so that you can see what he looks like. He was the spokesman for The Players With Yourself Club. I am a member, and I have a VIP Membership. Quang was quite upset with me. As Quang was leaving my home to get into Telly’s Grand Tourino, he proceeded to urinate and defecate on my floor, leaving quite a mess for myself and Steph to clean up. Oh well, he’s gone now, and I have $10,000.00 (Ten Thousand) USD. You also asked if I could forward the document from the bank to you. I did. You didn't get it? Maybe I'll send it again, it only depends on if you answer my questions. You still have yet to answer any of my questions. What would you guys like for gifts over there? I have heard that Tennis is very big with your people, so I thought that I would get you a new Tennis Racket. Do you play Tennis? What’s your handicap? Have you ever served a home run or a touchdown? My next question that your pathetic lame ass has yet to answer is do you know any “cleaners”? I don’t, and I need someone to take care of Billy fast. I am more than willing to pay up to $5,000.00 (Five Thousand) USD to anyone up to the task of breaking each one of Billy’s fingers with a set of pliers, and then burying his entire head in sand while tickling his feet. Please Uche, I need your help in this. I figured that all of you banker people knew “cleaners” and “launderers”. Last, how would you like me to send you the $1,200.00 (Twelve Hundred) USD? Is that still all that you need? Remember, I now have $10,000.00 (Ten Thousand) USD from hocking Quang to the man who always asks the all important question of, “Who loves you baby?” Attached you’ll find a picture of Telly Savalas. Later, if you'd like, I'll send pictures of the new Tennis Rackets that I would like to purchase for you and your tribe. Or would you rather have a computer? If you want the rackets or the computer, please give me an address to ship them to. So get back to me when you’re done giving fellatio to your boyfriends at the bank, and I’ll make sure that I try my best to give you a chili dog immediately. Adios.
-John

Image
*Who loves ya' baby?*

*Notice how John asked Uche if they needed any more than the $1,200.00? Those greedy fuckers, we’ll see if the price goes up*

Dear John,

Thanks for your response.The most important thing is for us to
achieve this fund .As you have gotten the money,thank you very
much.You can go ahead and send it to our bank as they instructed you
to enable the release of this fund into your designated bank
account.Remember to keep proper record of your expenditure so that
on the reflection of this money in your account, I will proceed to
meet you in your country for subsiquent sharing according to our
indicated percentages, whereas the 5% that was mapped out to cover
any incidential expenses will be used to cover all our expenditure.I
will also come with the record of all I have spend.If you want to
send gift to our directors,send them anything you wish .Regarding
Billy, I wish to compensate him from my own share, but anything you
wish for him will be accepted.

Try to send the money to the bank as they demand so that before the
week runs to end, everything about this business will be concluded.

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*Now John lays it on the line for Uche, in simple terms that the lads understand*

Good Day Uche-
Well, I have received your email, but the contents are not very well understood. I see that you want me to send the money to the bank. I'll be honest, I don't trust banks in general. They take percentages of your money, just to store it. In America we have a saying: "There are two things in life that are real. Death and taxes". That being said, I like to deal in cash. Fuck all of this wire transfer shit, that's for the birds. It's cash or nothing. I am expecting your reply.
-Steemer


*Uh oh! Billy Lumberg is back, and he’s pissed*

Dear Mr. Uche,
It has come to my attention that you are currently in dealings with my client without my consent or discretion. This is highly irregular. I have been an Attorney for nearly 20 years now, and I refuse to be humiliated in my own practice by the likes of either you or my client, Mr. John Steemer. I have come to the conclusion that my client and you have total disregard for my reputation as an Attorney, and as a human being. I am steadfast in refusing to play the role of the weak and powerless victim who rendered any and all services, and later on only to be discarded in the waste basket. Any and all transmissions with my client with be administered by myself and any esteemed colleagues. I expect you urgent reply. Thank you.
Sincerely,
William Lumberg


Dear William,

I did not denied any communication from you ,how should I do that.Last
time I ask for your telephone number for urgent communication, but you
denied it from me.Secondly, I demand they you should call me the same.How should
I recognize your seriousness over this project.Well,according to the
information John forwarded to me, he has send the correct answers which
I provide him to our bank in which they has accepted by sending him
requirement for fund transfer to him.They ask him for re-activation fee
of us$1200.00 to activate the fixed dormant account before they could
transfer the money to his account in USA.As an attorney you can understand that
whenever an account was dormant in any bank,before any fund could be
taking or transfer out from it, it must be re-activated.Your encourgement is
needed at this time to bring this project to elasting conclusion.You are not
going to be dumep in a basket because you have also uttered a helping hands
towards the success of this project.

However, John has promised to make the payment ,but later decide not to
do it again with no reason.I ask him to write our bank that they should
assure him that after he make the payment, there will be no other
charge,secodnly that they will activate the account and transfer the money to him
immediately they he fufil their request.

So this is where we are now.
Thanks and I also need your contribution at this time.
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*What nerve on this bastard mugu. Billy is an Attorney, he knows what’s up*

Dear Uche,
I have received your reply, and the contents well noted. First off, let me say that the day that I start taking law advice from the likes of you, I'll be wearing a toe tag. Next, I have spoken with my client and he is more than willing to pay the monies needed to further this transaction, but he is only willing to deal in cash. If that bothers you, then we can consider this transaction void without question. According to my client, it's cash, or it's nothing at all. I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
William Lumberg


*Uche wrote this to John. I think that we have met the first mugu that doesn’t understand the concept of cash*

Dear John,

Thre is no problem with our bank.I assure you as soon as they received the money,nothing could stop the wiring of this money in your bank account.This bank are not going to sit on your money, you have apply for the transfer of this money as the next of kin to the deceased customer by providing correct answers to the official qsuestionniare in which they accepted.So they have consider you as the next of kin to the deceased customer and are ready to transfer the money to your account without delay or taking advantage of the money as soon as you fufil their requirement which is to forward re-activation fee of us$1200.00 .So be rest assure, they are not going to sit on your money.

However, you can as well write to our bank and ask them to explain the reason why they should request money from you.Also ask them if there will be another charge after you might have make this payment.Thirdly ask them that you want them to transfer the money as soon as you send the required re-activation fee to them.Do not be afraid, they are not going to take any advantages of that money because it did not belongs to them rather to you being the applying next of kin which they have consider .

So write to them and get back to me.
Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Uche-
What part of cash don't you understand? I only want to deal in cash. Aside from that, I have been more than gracious enough to purchase a new computer for you and Tennis rackets for the fellas at the bank. I have attached the photos of the gifts. Please supply me with an address to ship them to, I love giving gifts! Take it home, Uch.
-Steemer


Gift #1:
Tennis Anyone?
*These rackets rule! I hope that the bankers appreciate them as much as John does*

Gift #2:
Check Your E-Mail With This Mugu!
*What a kick ass computer Uche is getting! This one went on the payment plan*

Dear John,

Thanks for your response.Your lawyer also write me .Please I did not understand what you mean by dealing on cash .Do you mean that you will send the money cash by yourself or that our bank will deliver the money to you cash .Note that this bank has different method of sending money abroad such as cash payment from our offshore center, physical delivery through diplomatic courier sevices directly to your house.So if you wish any of the method of cash delivery,then after re-activating the account, you will instruct our bank for the method you wish to receive your inheritance fund,they will abide to it.

Regarding the gift you want to send to me.You can used my name
MR.UCHE NWADAVID
ADD: 237 ADIDOGOME
CITY :LOME
COUNTRY ; TOGO
TEL (228)9175627

Big Uche-
I have received your email. I would like to send cash to the bank. That’s what I meant. What is the best way to do that? I am inexperienced at these things, and with you being a banker and all, you could guide me through this process. Please Uche, my hand, among other parts of my body, require a nice firm grip. But the bank can use a courier service to deliver all of that money? I wouldn’t want anyone to hand deliver the money to me, that dude could end up getting raped and mugged, especially by all of the ruffians that live about in my neck of the woods. We once had a guy that delivered newspapers to the block in my area of town. These guys don’t even carry any money, but that didn’t stop the gang members from proceeding to throw a stick in the guy’s bicycle wheel, causing him to fly off of his bicycle at a high rate of speed and scrape his elbow. Well you may think that’s where it ended. WRONG! Those bastards broke so many bones in the guy’s leg that he ended up kicking himself in the head more than the assholes that were beating him in the first place. That was quite a sight to watch, I never thought that I would ever see a man kick his own ass repeatedly. Regardless, I’ll send the computer and the Tennis rackets to you tomorrow. Do you have a preference of carrier? Who goes to your area in Nigeria? I’ll wait for your reply to find out. My brain hurts right now from thinking about which dildo to use on Steph tonight. I was thinking about one that I have called, “The Prosecutor”. It’s 20” of pure madness. Steph likes it because it’s double-sided. I like it because I can fuck her with it, but then again I like anything that I can fuck her with. I think that you get my point. So, I’ll just wait for your reply.
-John


*We’ll see if Uche gets the point. He seems to be trying to remain more professional, without being too reserved. Fuck it, he’s a mugu*

Dear John ,

Thanks for your understanding.I think our bank instructed you on how to send the money,follow their instruction .I AM FROM REPUBLIC DU TOGOLAISE WEST -AFRICA.Secondly, as you wish bank to bank transfer, that will be alright and safe.So send the money to the bank as they instruct you.

Thanks
Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

Muche Uche-
You’re welcome for my reply, and my understanding. Here’s the deal: You go down to that bank that you work at and light a fire under someone’s ass because they haven’t contacted me yet, and I must say I am quite peeved at those butt pirates. Please, if at all possible, have Mr. Akouvi Douglas get back to me very soon. I have all of this cash set aside for everything, and I’ll be honest, I am an impulsive spender. I have been dreaming lately of slot machines, wet t-shirt contests, mountains of cocaine, puking at the bars, and for some odd reason, those cute little television characters, The California Raisins. I am not quite sure how to interpret these dreams. As far as I can tell, my dreams are guiding me to gamble with all of the money that I have, watch some college sluts compete with their tits to get the $50.00 cash prize, invade the next boatload of Colombian Snow and lock myself in the cabin of the boat with all of the product, drink every liquor on the shelf until I vomit, and to eat a shit-ton of raisins while singing, “I Heard It Through the Grapevine”? Damn, I am fucked up. Forget it home slice, just please have Douglas get back to me immediately, before I spend all of this cash!
-John


*That mugu. Let’s see how he reacts when John threatens to spend all of his money on destroying his life. It’s just too much fun*

Dear John,

You will not we waiting the bank to response to you before you make any payment,they have giving you last comunication with requirement,it left for you to comply with their requirement to enble them release the inheritance to you.

I did not found any seriousness in you since the beginning of this business .Listen,you should behave like a mature man not street boys that drink and smoke around forgetting their roles in life.If you are not willing to complete this business with me, better be specific so that I will satrt searching for another person who will then pay the re-activation fee of us$1200.00 and have the fund transfer to his own account.Enough for your bullshit joke.

Mr.Uche Nwadavid.

*Are you fucking kidding? This is his best letter yet. Maybe he has been paying attention to the clusterfuck of literary content in past emails*

Uche-
Who do you think that you are talking to? Mind your own fucking business. I refuse to take any shit from you. What I do in my personal life has nothing to do with this transaction. The only reason that I have gone into detail as to what I have done and am doing is because I am getting to know you. I am telling you right now, let's keep one thing in mind. Who works for the bank? Not me. You do. I have all of your emails in a folder, and I will not hesitate to go straight over your head and forward them to your boss. I do believe that the transaction that we are undertaking is illegal, and not only is your job at risk, but so is your reputation as an ass kicking banker in general. I have had my fair share of shady dealings in the past, but this one takes the cake. I am definitely feeling that we are one step closer to ending our financial burdens everyday, and now after over a month of emailing one another back and forth, you spring this one on me. What crawled up your ass and died? Who died and made you God? Let's not forget who approached who in this case. Regardless, if you seek to conduct business with someone else, by all means go ahead. But if you do, your boss will be receiving a very nice string of emails, with your name and email address on each one. Not to mention that I will happily print off each copy and mail them to him. Along with the BTCI documents that you secured, and also along with the email stating that you paid off an accountant to obtain all of the correct answers for the questionnaires. I can assure you that I am very serious, and very methodical. I can also assure you that I can be 100% trusted without question. The main reason that I would rather not deal with bank transfers is because Billy has showed me several articles on how they are constantly monitored, and any account transfer from an account in the USA to an account in any foreign country is not too secure. Trust me, I know these things. The best way that I can think of to send you money is a through a courier service, Western Union, or Money Gram. It seems logical enough, and the fees are all very comparable. So, please let me know what you want to do, and please refrain from comparing me to the likes of street trash. When I read what your last email had said, my eyes watered, and found myself trembling uncontrollably. I was so excited to email you back too, I couldn't wait to tell you that I went out gambling last night and I won big. This is the biggest that I have ever won, and I've been a lush for some time now. I bet $5,000.00 (Five Thousand) USD on the #5 horse at the track on a 12 to 1 shot. Well, the #5 horse won the race! Uche, I won $60,000.00 (Sixty Thousand) USD! So please trust me, and let's continue our business. I look forward to you emailing me back.
-John


Dear John,

YOu can go ahead and forward my mails to our bank, I am not afraid of that but remember you will never go unpunish.Our bank also has your contact information, such as house address, telephone, fax ,bank details,they will easy send our investigation panels to USA and hand all your emails, application for claim of the fund ,your contacts over to FBI to track you down.You know the charges, trying to defraud bank which is against the law of United Nation and are liable to capital punishment in USA.So do not think that if you forward my emails to our bank that you will be free.I have right in this bank,so I can easy meet with the manager of this bank and tell him everything about this business,then share the money with him while you will suffer at the hands of FBI for attempting to defraud a bank.I will also forward your picture to than which will accopany them to locate you easily in USA.

So I you know that you are not going to spend the rest of your life in jail because of this project which you want to put me into trouble,send down the required amount, if not any attmept to forward my email to the bank will result the end of your life in USA.

Thanks
Mr.Uche.

*Now Uche is really mad. John will not go down without revealing the real truth to Uche. This bait has been fun*

Dear Mugu Uche,
I'll be honest with you. I have been baiting you, and it has been very fun. All of the contact information that I gave you was all false, and Billy Lumberg is not a lawyer. He's a character in a movie. My name is not John Steemer. But I sure like making you feel really stupid, like the MUGU that you are. All of my bank information, I made up. I don't even live in the state of California. I would love for you to come and get me. What I did was waste your fucking time so that you could not defraud someone else. I must say though, I like that you are also BTCI Bank. Do you know how to read an IP address? You stupid fucker, I do, and your IP address is the exact same as BTCI Bank (which is very fake, indeed). Actually, your IP is from an internet cafe in Lagos, the land of the MUGU! I hope that you had fun, and I hope that I pissed you off. I hope that your guyman fucks you straight up your MUGU ass, and then your boss beats you like the pussy bitch that you are. I mean shit man, you are probably the dumbest of the dumbest mugus ever. Didn't you notice that the first picture that you sent of yourself was totally a different picture than that of your passport? You must be one dumb MUGU. But I like to beat up on guys like you, it provides myself, my friends, and the MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THAT ARE LAUGHING AT YOU ON THE INTERNET AS I TYPE THIS LETTER TO YOU, YOU STUPID MUGU ASS CLOWN. So go enjoy your millions of FAKE $$$$$$$$ with your boyfriend. While you are taking it straight up you fudge tunnel, I'll be posting our entire email thread for millions upon millions of people to read and laugh at how stupid you really are. I'll even be so kind as to send you the link upon completion, so at least you can look at it and see that I was on to you from day one. In closing, I would like to let you know that GOD HATES YOU, AND HE WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL. BYE BYE MUGU!!!!!!! BYE BYE MAGA!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
John "Cleveland" Steemer
Billy Lumberg
The Man That Scammed The Scammer- The Scammer Being You, You Stupid MUGU Fucker!


*John lets Uche know how he feels. There have been no further emails since this one. This bait lasted a fairly long time, about 2 1/2 months, and somewhere in the neighborhood of about 65 emails, give or take a few to save space, plus they had little to no relevance whatsoever. I would like to thank anyone and everyone who has chosen to read this. I hope that you laughed as much as I did while in correspondence with Uche Nwadavid. It was a good run while it lasted, but I am pretty sure that Uche was a little peeved by John Steemer's extra curricular activities, and done believing that John was actually going to send any money at all. The last letters that this mugu wrote show exactly how their minds work. While the mugu had been being serious throughout his emails, it is very evident that his patience level was tested to the limit. The threats to turn John into the FBI are some of the funniest writings that I have ever gotten from a mugu. I was laughing my ass off. I hope that you all were, too. Thanks again*
-Rookie303
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