Rags to Riches

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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 5:05 pm

Since I have something to show for it (a piggy), I think it's finally time for me to publish my first bait. It's still an ongoing one though. My comments are in red.

So one fine day I grab an email from the surplus forum and got this reply:

Quote:

Dear Hugh Jarsse

Thanks for your message how are you doing today I hope fine? As regard to your mail base on your funds which has approved to you by our honorable president Dr Good Luck-Jonathan and it has already downloaded to ATM Machine value of $8,300,000.00 and you are told that it will hand over to you through FedEx Delivery Courier Company there in your house address within the next 48hours you have your parcel receive as soon as possible.

Base on that the sum of $8,300,000.00 has approved to you by our new elected president Dr.Good Luck Jonathan (GCFR) Federal Republic of Nigeria and he has giving us Instruction to make sure your fund delivery to you through FedEx Delivery Courier Company there in your house address immediately you re-confirm your personal information to my office as following so I will advice you on how to contact the FedEx Delivery Courier Company to enable them proceed successfully with your ATM Master Card hand over to you there in your house address as the rightful beneficiary.

Now listen you are advice to re-confirm your personal information to my office immediately today.

(1) Your Full Name: ----------------
(2) Your Country: ------------------
(3) Your House Address: -------------
(4) Your Telephone: ------------------
(5) Your Occupation: ---------------
(6) Your Age: -----------------------
(7) Your Sex: ---------------------
Gone so far I will be very happy to hear from you with your personal information for immediate delivery of your ATM Master Card there in your house address as soon as possible. I look forward to hear from you?
Thanks for your understanding

Philip

Wanting to sound desperate for money, I reply immediately, but got stuck on the house address. I try to stall:

Quote:

Hello.
Sorry for the late reply, I have just moved house.
Here are the details.

(1)Your Full Name: Hugh Jarsse
(2)Your Country: UK
(3)Your House Address: I have just moved house, I am not sure of the exact address yet as I have to check with the UK Housing department. I will get back to you. Sorry.
(4)Your Telephone: I have no telephone as I have just moved, I am using the Internet from a Internet Cafe
(5)Your Occupation: Janitor
(6)Your Age: 52
(7)Your Sex: Male

He pushes me on the house address (this lad is pretty pushy and insistent at times)

Quote:

My beloved brother Hugh Jarsse

Thanks for your message so how is your health today I hope all is well, as regard to your ATM Master Card which has approved to you by our honorable President Dr Good Luck-Jonathan and it has already downloaded to ATM Machine value of $8.3000.00 US Dollars will hand over to you through FedEx Delivery Courier Company there in your house address within the next 48hours which is 3woking days you have parcel receive as soon as possible.

Base on that I would advice you to try your possible best and hear from the Housing department there in UK as you said so I will tell you on how to contact the FedEx Delivery Courier Company for immediate delivery of your ATM Master Card hand over to you as the right beneficiary there in your house address as soon as possible.

Gone so far my beloved brother Jarsse as soon as you re-confirm your house address and your telephone to my office then I will advice you to contact the FedEx Delivery Courier Company to enable them proceed successfully with your ATM Master Card hand over to you as soon as possible. I look forward to hear from you immediately you receive this message right now?
Thanks for your understanding

I try to get him to ignore this and bring the talk straight to the money-

Quote:

Dear Mr. Kalu
You would not believe what I had to go through at the UK Housing department. The line was very long and the service was very very bad. They keep delaying their business and would not register my house number.
I am working hard to resolve this matter. If it helps, I live in the Paddington district of London.
By the way, how would I pay for the shipping and admin fees?

No dice- ME WANT ADDRESS NOW

Quote:

Dear Hugh Jarsse

Thanks for your message how are you doing today. Poorest to our close door meeting with the Board of Director regarding your ATM Master Card on how to proceed immediately to your house address in next 48hours which is 3woking days you have card receive immediately.

I wish to inform you the delivery will not commence without receive your house address for they immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible get back to me with your house address today?

Thanks for your understanding

Desperate for the money, Hugh rushes his big arse to the UK Housing department to confirm the address (and replies on the same day too- won't want to lose that money!

Quote:

Mr Kalu
It took me some time but I have finally finished my business with the UK Housing Department.
Here is my address:
24 Leinster Gardens, Paddington, London W2

Best regards

Mr Scammer is overjoyed- He can finally send the millions of USD to his good friend Hugh! But what's this? A courier company?

Quote:

My beloved brother

Thanks for your message how are you doing today I hope fine, as regard to your ATM Master Card which is on successfully to hand over to you there in your house address within the next 48hours which is 3woking days you have your ATM Master Card receive there in your house address as soon as possible.

However you are advice to contact the FedEx Delivery Courier Company to enable them proceed successfully with your card there in your house address immediately without any further delaying again, below is they contact address: [email protected] Hah. This had me laughing for a while.

Now listen you are also advice to keep me update whatever is going on with you and the FedEx Delivery Courier Company for more accord. make sure you keep me update immediately your card arrive in your house address so I will immediate release your ATM PIN NUMBER to able you start making withdrawn of your ATM Master Card there in your country London. I look forward to hear from you immediately you receive your card?

Thanks for your understanding

Next up, having some fun with the "delivery company".

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 5:16 pm

Let's hope he doesn't google your address... Laughing

Nice work. Keep up the frustration.

Of note, there is a proper "publishing forum" just outside the University grounds. Wink

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:12 pm

Thanks for the suggestion badgerbait, will move this once it's complete. Smile

The next day I got an email from the friendly delivery company-It's done in a very professional Comic Sans MS font-

Quote:

FedEx House, Unit A, Building 3, Abuja

Plot 787 Malumfashi Close,

Area 11, Garki

E-mail: [email protected]

Telephone Number:+2347030310599.

Website:http://fedex.com/ng/

Date: Oct 12 /9/ 2011

CPEL/OWN/9876

Batch: 074/05/ZY369

Dear Customer

24 LEINSTER GARDENS, PADDINGTON, LONDON W2

Dear Customer this is to notify inform you that your message was received to our office and it is very much understood to us, as regard to your attorney been Mr. Philip Kalu all necessary agreement regarding your ATM Master Card shipment has been done on your name and your package will proceed immediately to your doorstep in next 48hours you have your package receive immediately.

However you are advice to track your ATM Master Card online for you to confirm more about your card you will see your ATM Master Card down to your doorstep through the track number for you to know our location to your doorstep, below is your ATM Master Card Track Number: ….. 867913276555

Listen your card is here in our office for immediate delivery of your package, but you are advice to get the sum of €850 for our T.A Fee to enable us commence the delivery of your ATM Master Card there in your doorstep immediately without any delay.

We look forward to hear from you immediately for our immediate arrive in your doorstep.

Thanks for Co-Operation

FedEx Express Logo

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Paul Smith (senior delivery officer

©2011 FEDEX INTERNATION.

But poor old Hugh can't see!

Quote:

Hello,
I recently recieved your email. However, my computer seems to be displaying your email in a very small font, and I cannot read it. Can you please resend the mail in big, blue words, I can read better that way.

Thanks!
Kind Regards

The people at FakeEx respond with big, blue letters that can only be shown in picture form:

Hugh pretends not to notice and leaves them hanging- He prefers to deal with his attorney.

Quote:

Dear Philip
I have recieved an email from the delivery company but my computer has developed a problem and I cannot see their words. So I asked them to change the words of the email, but they have not replied yet.
Your words are also becoming very hard for me to read. But other messages from my family, like my Aunt Selma, seem normal enough. Hmm. Strange.
Anyway, I will keep you updated once the fedex company sends their email.

Kind Regards
Hugh

The same message in big blue text is sent to Hugh for the second time.
This time, however, Hugh isn't happy, and complains to Mr. Scammer-

Quote:

Dear Philip
I have recieved a letter from the FedEx company. Although the letter is very nicely and professionally typed, they do sound quite rude. They sound like they are unhappy about something and are DEMANDING 850EUR from me.
Since this involves a very big sum of money, I feel that I should consult you first regarding the matter

Kind regards
Hugh

Whatever the case, Hugh goes silent for a couple of days, neither Mr. Scammer nor FakeEx recieves a word from Mr. J. What could be wrong? Mr Scammer tries to elicit a response-

Quote:

Hello Hugh
How are you doing today? I write to know if you have heard from FedEx Delivery Courier Company keep me update immediately you receive this message right now.
I look forward to hear from you immediately

Thanks for your understanding

Again, this time a wall of text-

Quote:

My dear Hugh

How are you doing today? Poorest to my close door meeting with the Board of Director regarding your ATM Master Card delivery which will hand over to you through FedEx Delivery Courier Company there in your house address as soon as possible, my beloved brother Hugh, I wish to inform you that I have been in the office of our honorable Dr Good Luck-Jonathan he ask me if your ATM Master Card has hand over to you as the rightful beneficiary there in your house address within the next 48hours which is 3woking days you have your card receive immediately.

Base on that I made it know to our honorable Presidency Dr Good Luck-Jonathan that I have already advice you to contact the FedEx Delivery Courier Company for immediate hand over of your ATM Master Card there in your house address as soon as possible, and I am still waiting to hear from you if your ATM Master Card has hand over to you as the rightful beneficiary there in your house address so I will release your ATM PIN NUMBER to able you start making withdrawn of your card there in your country London in any ATM Machine around your house.

Kindly keep me update what is going on with you and the FedEx Delivery Courier Company for more accord, if I don’t hear from you with the update information’s then I will move to the officer of the president for the cancellation of your ATM Master Card, I look forward to hear from you immediately you receive this message right now?

Thanks

This time FakeEx gets in on the act; with the same big blue text-

Finally, Hugh replies.

Quote:

Dear Philip,
I am still waiting for the ATM card. Sorry for the late reply as I had to visit a sick relative in Scotland.

Kind Regards

Seeing that Hugh is only a janitor, Mr. Scammer takes pity on Hugh and -gasp!- Sells his wedding(weeeeeeeeding) ring! More text-

Quote:

My beloved brother Hugh

Thanks for your message so how is your health today I hope all is well, Square to your ATM Master Card which has already downloaded to ATM Machine and it will hand over to you through FedEx Delivery Courier Company there in your house address as soon as possible so I will immediate release your ATM PIN NUMBER to able you start making withdrawn of your ATM Master Card there in your country London and take good care of your health.

Base on that as the matter of urgent I will be moving to the market to sold my weeding ring to enable me relies the sum of 350EUR I will keep you update immediately I come back from the market, I hereby advice you to try your possible best today and get the balance of 500EUR send immediately today with below information as following receivers name: SAMSON UKANWA
RECEIVER’S NAME: SAMSON UKANWA
LOCATION: ABUJA NIGERIA
TEXT: QUESTION: T.A
TEXT: ANSWER: FEE
AMOUNT: 500EUR
MTCN NUMBER:…………………
SENDER NAME:…………………
COUNTRY:……………………
Gone so far the FedEx Delivery Courier Company will keep you update immediately the receive the sum of 350 EUR from me today, as the rightful beneficiary I advice you to try as much as you to make sure you get the balance of 500 EUR send immediately today and get back to me with the payment information for they immediate arrive in your house address hand over your ATM Master Card to you as soon as possible without any further delaying again, I look forward to hear from you with the payment information immediately today? You are Bless

Thanks for your understanding
Best Regard

An email from FakeEx also confirms this fact- D'aww! You did it FOR ME?

A grateful Hugh replies-

Quote:

Oh my god Philip,
I came back from visiting my sick Aunt Selma, and you sacrificed your wedding ring to help me pay part of the 850 Euros! Thank you!!!
I MUST pay you back the 350 Euros, but I do not know how to use this Moneygram or Western union thing. I usually use bank transfers. How do I proceed? How does this work?
I am only a janitor so forgive me for my ignorance.

Kind Regards

Mr Scammer tries to explain the only way he knows how- copypasting the script.

Quote:

Dear beloved brother Hugh Jarsse
Thanks for your message how is your health today I hope all is well also your sick Aunt Selma I hope she is feeling fine right now, square to your ATM Master Card which is on successfully to hand over to you there in your house address through FedEx Delivery Courier Company as soon as you send the balance of 500EUR with below information as following receivers name: SAMSON UKANWA

RECEIVER’S NAME: SAMSON UKANWA
LOCATION: ABUJA NIGERIA
TEXT: QUESTION: T.A
TEXT: ANSWER: FEE
AMOUNT: 500EUR.ONLY
MTCN NUMBER:……………..

Now listen my beloved brother Jarsse I want you to go to the (Bank Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram) and send the balance of 500EUR immediately today to enable FedEx Delivery Courier Company proceed successfully with your ATM Master Card hand over to you as the rightful beneficiary there in your house address as soon as possible.

Base on that if you reach to the (Bank Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram pick up the receiver’s name: SAMSON UKANWA and the instructions giving you use it and send the balance of 500EUR immediately today for they immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible, I look forward to hear from you with the payment information immediately today?

Once Again Congratulations
Thanks for your understanding
Best regards

With the impending release of the money, Hugh gets paranoid-

Quote:

What is this service? How can I trust them with 500 Euro?
Is it even safe?
I have been trying to raise money but 500 Euro is not a small sum for me. Why can't I use a bank transfer instead?

Look, I'm really sorry for the delay but I want to make sure we get this done smoothly and safely. I don't want any trouble from the authorities and the staff at your MoneyUnion offices. I have never used this before and I'm not sure if I want to proceed.

Kind Regards

Mr. Scammer is insistent, and copies the script AGAIN-

Quote:

My beloved brother Hugh Jarsse

Thanks for your message, now listen I want you to rush to the (Bank Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram for easy transfer with the name: SAMSON UKANWA and send the balance of 500EUR) immediately today to enable FedEx Delivery Courier Company proceed successfully with your ATM Master Card hand over to you there in your house address within the next 48hours you have your ATM Master Card receive as soon as possible, however I want you to bear in mind that is the easy way to receive the balance of 500EUR for they immediate arrive in your house address without any further delaying again.

Base on that my beloved brother Jarsse I hereby advice you to go ahead and send the balance of 500EUR immediately today to enable FedEx Delivery Courier Company commence the delivery of your parcel there in your house address immediately, listen I am giving you my world as any honor as soon as you send the balance of 500EUR today your ATM Master Card will hand over to you there in your house address without any delay.
Below is the information on how to send the balance of 500EUR immediately today.
RECEIVER’S NAME: SAMSON UKANWA
LOCATION: ABUJA NIGERIA
TEXT: QUESTION: T.A
TEXT: ANSWER: FEE
AMOUNT: 500EUR.ONLY
MTCN NUMBER:……………..
Gone so far I wish to tell you their will not be any trouble as soon as you send the balance of 500EUR today and get back to me with the payment information immediately today, I look forward to hear from you with the payment information for they immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible?

Thanks for your understanding
Best regards

Hugh goes silent for a few days, and Mr. Scammer gets impatient-

Quote:

Dear Hugh Jarsse
What is still delaying you to send the balance of 500EUR immediately today as you are advice to send the balance of 500EUR to enable FedEx Delivery Courier Company commence the delivery of your ATM Master Card hand over to you there in your house address as soon as possible.
Below is the information on how to send the balance of 500EUR immediately today through (Bank Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram with the receiver’s name: SAMSON UKANWA)
RECEIVER’S NAME: SAMSON UKANWA
LOCATION: ABUJA NIGERIA
TEXT: QUESTION: T.A
TEXT: ANSWER: FEE
AMOUNT: 500EUR.ONLY
MTCN NUMBER:……………..
You need to be very fast and get back to me with the payment information immediately today for they immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible?
Thanks for your understanding
Best regards

A light slap and a view of the carrot-

Quote:

Philip,
I think this is getting out of hand. You keep telling me to use Western Union without telling me why.

You can't explain WHY I MUST USE IT. I already have £650GBP (British Pounds) here that I have borrowed in cash with me already. I want my card, and I want to pay you back (and a little extra money for your trouble) but I'm not sure I want to use this Western Union of yours. It's 2011 and not many of my friends use Western Union anymore.

I have been sending money to my family using a very good British bank for many years now. Why don't we use that bank transfer instead?

I'm sorry I'm a little angry today. My Aunt Selma is very sick and I have a feeling that this will not go well.

Kind regards

Hugh, apparently annoyed, gives him the cold shoulder.
This results in empty promises from the script-

Quote:

Dear Hugh Jarsse

Thanks for your message, now listen the only way to receive the 500EUR is by Western Union Money Transfer or by Money Gram money transfer.

You are 100% risk free Of course it's risk-free. There ain't no money here. by sending the payment according to our instruction. And we have been receiving funds from many beneficiaries through this system without ADO. So therefore you advised by us to go ahead to remit the payment by Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram as we stated to you on my previous email to you.

Here still our official receiver agent as stated below: SAMSON UKANWA
RECEIVER’S NAME: SAMSON UKANWA
LOCATION: ABUJA NIGERIA
TEXT: QUESTION: T.A
TEXT: ANSWER: FEE
AMOUNT: 500EUR.ONLY
MTCN NUMBER:……………..

I look forward to hear from you with the payment information immediately today for they immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible, you are bless? Yes, I am.

Thanks for your understanding
Best regards

Next up, today's events. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:19 pm

Mr. Scammer still gets the silent treatment, While in real life Hugh is stuck with what to do next. Finally, someone gives, and it isn't Hugh.

Quote:

My beloved brother

How is your health today I hope all is well, square to your ATM Master Card which on successfully to arrive in your house address as soon as you send the balance of 500EUR to enable FedEx Delivery Courier Company commence the delivery of your ATM Master Card there in your house address as soon as possible.

I hereby advice you to try your possible best to make sure the 500EUR was sent immediately today, also below is the information on how to send the 500EUR immediately today.

MR SCAMMER'S BANK DETAILS HERE

As the matter of urgent, kindly rush to the Bank and send the balance of 500EUR immediately today and keep me update as soon as you sent the 500EUR today, for thy immediate arrive in your house address as soon as possible, I look forward to hear from you with your update information immediately today?
Thanks for your understanding
Best regards

Bam. Piggy piggy piggy. However, Hugh isn't done messing with our lad yet, as his life takes a very intere$$$ting turn:

Quote:

Philip my brother,
You are a little late! I have already sent your little £650GBP by Western Union today after my Aunt Selma's funeral. She has passed away I can inherit a lot of $$$ from her after she dies. I have already paid off a lawyer and have read her will.
I am to inherit £750,000,000GBP from her!!! The newspapers are reporting it all over Britain!!!
Did I mention she is a very rich widow (her husband was a millionaire) and I am her favourite nephew? £650GBP is nothing to me now, and even the ATM card means almost nothing, zero to me now.
Nevertheless, I have sent the money; a scan of the reciept is attached.

Also attached is the newspaper report of me. The person in the photo is me! I am rich!

I am in a generous mood today, and should you require anything upwards of £20,000, just ask me. I will help those who have helped me.

Kind Regards

Attached is a crap WU reciept and this (thanks to spot for referring me to the tool):

Now Hugh is waiting to see how he responds. The plan is to screw up the WU transfer, screw up the bank (done) and get him to safari to claim a much bigger prize. But London is a long way away.... And is Aunt Selma really dead? We'll see how this goes.

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:19 am

He doesn't seem interested in the fact that Hugh wants to share a little bit of his inheritance, and seems FIXATED by that 500 Euros...

Quote:

Dear Hugh,

THis is to inform you that we have received your mail. But you should resend the western Union payment slip because we did not deload.

Infact congrats for your heritance and i am happy for you.

Send the payment slip to enable me pick the money from Western Union or send CONTROL NUMBER?MTCN.

best regards,
Mr. Scammer

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:45 pm

Very nice set up! Surprised scammy isn't falling all over himself. Maybe an "under the table deal" for more payment needs to be made? He might have an inkling you're BSing him....carefull. Wealth brings fame, paparazzi makes it hard to get to the WU...

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 6:27 pm

He's gonna have to wait though.
Hugh is currently overseas and flexing his new financial muscles in an investment deal. Probably in negotiations to take over the production rights of the iDeaf system in Shenzhen.

Probably will get his laptop lost, and up comes a dollah chop scenario with one of them Mainland Chinese businessmen, and/or the g0mer boys, who have the rights to the iDeaf patent.

Gonna have to tone down the BS factor, AND tear his eyes off that damned 500EUR though. How do I go about this?

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 6:54 pm

Aaand here we go. Introducing Ch0uhai Ma, a sleazy, sneaky businessman from China who wants a slice of Hugh's money.

Quote:

Good Day.
I understand that a man named Hugh Jarsse contact with you recently. As you may have already known, and he recently his aunt, Selma DeVille inherit from GBP 750 million.
He has a couple of my friends and I, is now in ShenZhen, China. He wants to take over one of our production line here at the iDeaf(TM) factory. He referred to the local Philip Kalu always useful. Many time. Must be you.

He has lost a laptop tonight, and I found the email address you use with it. I want to deal with you.

This stupid white man, is easy to get rich off his money. What say we work together? Please get back to me soon.

Much prosperity to you and me.
愿您富贵荣华，
Ma Ch0uhai

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 3:31 pm

24 hours after Mr. Ma's email, I sent him this:

Quote:

Philip my brother,
I am sorry I have not responded to your emails. My laptop has been stolen the first night I arrived in ShenZhen, China to discuss a business proposition with a certain Mr. Ma, who claims to be your business associate. Since you could not open the reciept attachment I sent last time, I have paid the 500Euro directly to Mr. Ma, plus an additional £1000 GBP to him, to be split between you and him. The 500 Euro is for you only, but how you and Mr. Ma share the £1000 is completely up to the two of you.

Kind regards

He does not respond till today. I thought he had dropped me.
Until this arrives:

Quote:

I received your mail kindly get back tome with western union information you used for sending the money such as

sender name
sender address
mtcn number.

I will be waiting to read from you immediately you received this mail.

Persistent little b@stard, this one. So I reply:

Quote:

Philip, I repeat:

Since you could not open the reciept attachment I sent last time, I have paid the 500Euro directly to Mr. Ma.
Mr Ma has told me he is your business partner, and that he will pass the money to you.
His email is MR MA'S EMAIL. Contact him and not me since I have already paid the 500 Euro to him.

It is difficult to do business when you do not read my emails.

Kind regards

Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 6:15 pm

This apparently sets him off-

Quote:

YOU ARE A BLOODILY STUPID ,YOU WILL NOT BE REASONABLE IN LIFE Damn right I won't, especially towards scum like you.

Hugh is a little ticked off too, and replies:

Quote:

Dear Philip,
Why so serious?

I offered you more than £20,000 GBP in my email on Oct. 24, and you refused it. You didn't even react. YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ IT.
In case you don't know, GBP is WORTH MORE THAN EURO. Go to your local money changer and check. You are a strange person, Philip.

It is my money and I decide what to do with it.

Now, you can choose.

1) Contact Mr. Ma and get the 500 Euro.

OR

2) Change your tone and talk to me nicely, and I will reconsider sending you a few thousand British Pounds.

What is it going to be, serious man?

Kind regards