Love and Loss at CERN (Ongoing)

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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:19 am

After quite a time, a vlad sneaked his way in one of my catcher boxes.
I usually tend to ignore them, as I don't feel quite aready to tackle them the proper way. This time I thought "What the heck" and a little devious idea came up to mind.

Welcome to the LHC, Boris. What could go WRONG? Twisted Evil

Opening mail!
Vlad

Quote:

hello ))
I shall be glad with you to get acquainted if you not against
Here I send you little bit mine of pictures).I tried to look a little mysterious for our first acquaintance.
Sorry I am little worried.Well...I hope they have liked you. It will be remarkable if I shall receive the answer îê?)
I am Olga

Absentminded scientist Ash Williams answers promptly....
Me:

Quote:

Hello Olga!

As I said, you're very, very stunning, if I may say so.
A little about myself: I'm a college major in physics and I teach part time while working on my PhD in quantum physics. I'm currently working on a paper describing the possibility of using wormholes as a physical loophole to circumvent the mass laws regarding classical physics.
I'm 33, fair in complexion, with blonde hair, and quite attractive. I have my own house and car, and a successful career.

Write me back Smile

Ash.

Bog standard script, with pics.
Vlad

Quote:

Hello,I will try explain,at first I live in russia .I am going to leave russia to work abroad
I am dance girl and I will work in dance club .I like my work and I like to
see that people get pleasure to look at me and my dances.
they tell I am pretty lady I see that not too many girls look well
enough and there are many reasons for it. you should know I worked a few years in modeling
business and I care of my body and my face a lot and I want to get
pretty life i think I deserve and I need to meet man who can care of me and be my beloved man!
there are many men here they want to be my men but I want to leave russia and I prefer to meet foreign man
I know they are more kind and more smart and just different ones,don't drink and don't rude.
I don't smoke and i am social drinker,sometimes I like to have some
red wine to relax and just to dream!I am 26 years old. I am sending photos I want you to
see how I look like!.and if you have the
wish to meet me please send your photo and some info about you.

Short reply. He's still on script and I couldn't be arsed Very Happy

Me

Quote:

My dear, you're SO lovely....

I'd really like to know you better.

Write me more, I'll be waiting!

Ash.

And he does. More eye candy.
Vlad

Quote:

Hello again
I decided to send you my photos, I hope you will like it.
I just wanted to tell you hello again!!
I dont have a boyfriend, I think you are interested that,
because all men here look on only my appearance and
I want somebody who will look inside me.
Some my pictures SEXY BUT....
I'M NOT INFO TAKING NAKED PICTURES!
I really apologize if you think now I'm not a good girl...
I hope you don't think so.
Please let me know and I will write you more if
I'm forgiven for sending this photo!
I hope you will answer this email and we will try to
get to know each other better! Oh!
I'm so ashamed to send this photos!
I also want to see your different photos and hope to know you better!
I want you to know that I have only good intentions and
I dont have big secrets...

And MORE!
Vlad

Quote:

Hello !
I would like to specify what closest airport near you
To plan flight is closer to you
I like to go to the cinema! I really like to watch a good movie with
my friends. Could you recommend me any movie so I can watch it?
I looked recently film "Shrek" for ever"and "Avatar" to me it have very much liked
What is your favorite movie and actor? My favourite actor Gerard Deparde ,Tom Hanks
I want you to know all small things about me
I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my character.
And I do not wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind man.
I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I cannot forgive if my man sleep with different woman,
I do not know many nessesary words in english. Also I can sometimes do errors. I hope you can read between lines.
I want to tell you about things I like: I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace.
usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not problem for me to cook something tasty
and I do not like to visit cafes and restaurants, at first usually they cannot cook weel (maybe only here) and second too high price.
What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty. He has to be OPEN - minded and open-hearted, also easy-going.
and much more important he is kind, kindness makes our world!
Ok, I think I will finish my e-mail for today,
I`m sending more photos! Tell me what do you think about it?

Another short reply to keep him hooked while I prepare the setup....
Me

Quote:

Oh, I'm sorry to hear your father died.

I never knew my family. I was raised in an orphanage.

Ah well, in the end, it did me good. At least I didn't became a criminal.

Sorry for this short mail, but thinking about my childhood had me depressed.

Write soon!

Lots of love,

Ash.

He trawls on through his script. More pics. Yawn.
Vlad

Quote:

Hello dear there are any problems with Internet connection and i do hope you got my yesterday letter!
and I resend my letter I have sent I sent one letters and I do hope you got both!
I thought I will send you few more pics of myself...
How I know you little more and I will cross my fingers I'm not wrong in doing this and
I will make a show of trust and send you my naked pic to you hoping it will be for your eyes
only and you will not show it to someone.
I was not comfortable to pose for such pic and I tried to smile, I think the pic is nice.
I just wanted to show you how my body looks like... and that's all.
Maybe I shouldn't do this but I will click "send" button and close my eyes!
I hope you will be not mad on me because I sent this pic for you,
I'm a good girl, really!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't show my pic to anyone and please don't ask for any naked pics in different poses
or something like that. I'm a good girl and I'm not info taking naked photos!
I really apologizeif you think now I'm not a good girl...
I hope you don't think so.

Please let me know and I will write you more if I'm forgiven for
sending this pic!!!
And I'm sending one another pics!!!!
I hope you will answer this email and we will try to get to know each
other better!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAh!!!! I'm so ashamed to send this pic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm impatiently waiting for your answer!

Kiss

Ash shows a sort of interest, but quickly shift the subject to his one true love - science. Technobabble ensues.
Me

Quote:

Dear Olga,

Well, that surely made my day brighter, though I guess the real version would be better, eh?

You letter went through all right, and I did answer it.
I have to be brief since I'm at work - we're doing some collision tests at the accelerator. I hope the new equipment's up to par:
last time we had a leak and it forced a three months shutdown. So much for our project.

See you soon, dear!

Ash

Another crappy piece of the imaginary life of Olga. She's leaving for Moscow, and then to....me? Too bad I haven't told her where I am Very Happy

Vlad

Quote:

Hello again!How are you?I ` m just reterned from my work.
I was dancing on opening a cafe here. It was my last day at work,
everybody in my dance group told me so many warm words and wished me
luck in my trip! I told them about you and everybody said they will
cross one's fingers you are a good man and we will like each other! We
had some fun today and it was my last working day but now I feel
myself so sad. I will miss my work and girls from my work. I
almost cry now anyway I do not want to make any steps back and I
want to continue my arrangements.
I have some good news for you! After sending this email I will go home, take my
packed bags and go to Yakutsk ! It is a nearest big city and
there is an airport. From there I will fly to Moscow! I ` m really afraid to
fly on a plane! I hope my plane will not fall down! I'm really afraid!
It is several hours from Yakutsk to Moscow.
When I come to Moscow and settle down I will write you an email. I
hope tomorrow I will be able to write you.
In Moscow I will spend 2-3 days or maybe even less, I should make all
final arrangements with my documents and after it I will come to you!
I cannot wait I it wish to appear in your embraces
Soon you will hear some news from me from Moscow!!!!!!!!

Love and kisses!
I hope that in some days I will be with you and I will be yours
These are my last photos I cannot send you a photo any more
because there will be in Moscow I have made them for you

I hope you me wait ???

Ash, oblivious to all but the wavelength of W+ bosons, answers. More tech cant derived from my rudimentary knowledges on the matter Very Happy

Me

Quote:

Dear Olga,

I'm happy for you!
I wish the best on your travel and a safe arrival!
Wish me luck too: we're about to fire up the Large Hadron Collider for a revolutionary experiment in gravitic quantum theory. We might be on the brink of a true breakthrough: if the mass/density ratio allows the formation of at least a photon sphere on a radius roughly of that of a pea.... we're going to be in history!

Ah, well, time for my morning coffee now.

Again, have a nice trip!

Ash.

Boris starts to sound a bit offscriptish. He realized he has no clear destination to send his imaginary inflatable doll, so he fires off this.
Vlad

Quote:

Hello dear
My flight was a delay, now I am in the airport
Also I wait when there will be a plane start, I have come into
Internet-cafe at the airport
Whether to look there is from you a letter.
I do not understand why you have not written the airport,
If you do not write the airport then I cannot arrive to you.
I wait for your next letter with the airport name

Ash is now in full Doc Brown mode. Oblivious to all and any romantic advances, he rambles on.... cue ominous music Wink

Me

Quote:

Dear Olga,
How silly of me. I wasn't aware you were coming to Zurich! So sorry.
You can land at Zurich Airport: flights are very convenient and flexible, and finding a suitable hotel will be easy, there are many around the area. As soon as I get a day off we should surely meet for coffee and chat!

Right now, I must admit, I'm a bit busy: we are reaching a critical phase in our endeavor and are on the brink of complete success. Given roughly seven terawatt power and colliding them at very precise angles, particles form STABLE strangelets!
Just yesterday, we reached an outstanding 0.3E-8 grams of exotic matter for a whoppin' FIVE milliseconds! If only we could prevent their degeneration into leptons, our names would be written in history. Ah, the universe is such a fascinating place....

But I ramble on. Again, have a safe and pleasant trip. With luck, I'll see you in Zurich!

Ash.

Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:08 am

I liked. I'm sorry for Olga. Let me see and learn more!

Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:14 am

As soon as new mails arrive, I'll update. If al goes according to my evil plan, poor Olga will plummet from very, VERY high Cool

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:02 am

Terror wrote:

Quote:

Wish me luck too: we're about to fire up the Large Hadron Collider…
Ah, well, time for my morning coffee now.

Careful with that coffee. You wouldn't want to spill any on the dilithium crystals! Who knows what havoc that would cause!

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:07 am

The birth of AM, O Great One Very Happy

By the time I finished reading "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream", the first thing I thought (when I stopped shuddering) was "screw Skynet. THIS is the enemy" Very Happy

Boris is being lazy. Time to fire off a prod here end there. Stay tuned Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:15 pm

To spice things up a bit and further confuse Olga, Theo pops up with a nice proposal, having of course being informed by Ash....

Quote:

Dear Ms. Olga,

It may come as a surprise to you that we chose to contact you through this medium.
A distant associate of ours has recommended your name and submitted a portfolio of your photos to our recruiting office:
after a thorough review, we deemed you as eligible for sponsorship a our agency.

If you're interested in working for us, please get back to us to finalize the details and discuss financial terms.

Regards,

Theodore Mask

Death Mask Modeling, Inc.

Let's see if she bites Wink

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:18 pm

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:21 pm

^^^

I'm afraid Ash has submitted ALL the photos... *hint* *hint*

And Death Mask Modeling is.... shady at best Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:53 pm

Brilliant idea! Dancing Banana

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 5:17 pm

I shudder to think what modelling for an agency called DEATH MASK involves.

I think these may prove useful:

Shocked

and possibly Goat

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 5:52 pm

^^^

Oh, that and many more..... Twisted Evil

It's an homage to one of my favorite CRPGs: Vampire - Bloodlines.
There was a company named DM Productions. They made.... questionable movies at best Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:58 am

UPDATE!

Olga pops up with Ash

Quote:

My honey !
it is me,can you believe I am in Moscow. I can't believe ,it was wonderful flight
and they gave red vine in plane, wow,I have never tried such tasty one!!!!!
I went the bus up to the Subway from the airport .
In Subway long went, it was so is delightful I was in travel agency today,
but my documents are not ready yet, it will be ready tomorrow.
I will go to travel agency again to get all info about my trip.
And of course, when I will get it - I will send it to you!
It is such great city and it takes a few hours to travel from one end to other.
I rented the flat for few days.
People said to me some nice places in Moscow while he was
Such a great city it is. I have no words to explain.
you can't imagine how great Moscow is,to be fair I wouldn't like to
live here,a lot of cars,people , voice and pollution. Ugly traffic and people with crazy eyes.
When I get off plane in airport Moscow policeman asked about passport
and he looked at me like I am any enemy, I think all people here are a little crazy at terrorism.
Life here in Moscow is expensive. I was going through some shops today
and it is much more expensive than in our town. Food and all the general things.
It is the same country but different prices, what a great change.
I think people living in Moscow are very cautious ,I think so. But I think that
I have done my choice and to be fair I don't want to live here,it is not the city of my dreams.
you know I am not coward I am not afraid I know it is my chance to meet
kind man .I do hope I am right. and I think you are too kind to make any bad things I feel it.
Well,I will close this letter ,please write as soon as possible!see
you soon! KISS . Great kiss from Yours Olga!!!!!!!!!

Attached is a drawing of a naked woman - not a photo. WTF? Shocked

Ash, as oblivious as ever, replies, and cues in for the incoming doom...

Quote:

Dear Olga,

At long last! Looks like you settled down. I'm glad you're alive and well!

Here at the lab things are getting really hectic - the experiment was a success!

Through careful application of the semiclassical field theory, we were able to stabilize ONE GRAM of strange matter! And it didn't degenerate into leptons for TWO SECONDS! TWO FULL SECONDS OF EXISTANCE! We'll be famous!
Unfortunately, we weren't able to maintain the magnetic field and it soon collapsed in a rather interesting stream of quark jets and couple fluctuations - a bit like Hawking radiation.

The grid is calculating the model, but something strikes me as odd - any time we try to normalize the field equations to get a comprehensible result, it says "normalization not necessary - the answer is obvious". Strange, huh?

Well, I have to say bye now - third calculation cycle is about to end and I want to see what the grid has crapped out. We really need more computing power.

Hugs

Ash.

Edit: Olga has ignored Death Mask's email. No no, Boris.... you dance at my tune Twisted Evil

Ash will chime in in the next mail to see if his friend Theo contacter her. She's a beautiful girl, aren't there reasons why she can't make money with her (fake) images? Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:23 am

Quote:

Attached is a drawing of a naked woman

Or her erotic artwork? She really is gifted and talented!

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:26 am

^^^

Hmm, interesting suggestion. I'll use it as a backup proposal if the first one fails. Prolly Boris is getting out of pics, so he's sinking.

No problem: Death Mask Modeling gladly caters to every need. Including guro hentai comics Twisted Evil

Thank you for the suggestion, Phil.

You all may squirm, now Wink

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:10 pm

I am a lready squirming, since yesterday! Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:37 pm

Olga sends this bare-boned crap (no pics)

Quote:

Hello my sweet!!! How are you? Today I had a wonderful dream, that we
finally meet, I feel myself like the happiest girl in the world!!!
You know, I feel myself so alone here in Moscow, everyone rush somewhere and I don ` t
know anybody here. Today I was in a travel agency, all my documents are ready.
They will check a possible flight to your airport.
They will give me all information (date and time of my arrival, terminal
tomorrow I think.
I bought few pieces of souvenirs for you, all day I was looking for
Moscow sightseeings and souvenir shops. I'm sure you will like them!
Also I was in shop and have bought Erotic underwear, I hope you it estimate
In which I will be in ours with you the first night!!!!

Ash happily answer, eschewing any sexual innuendos... as the tragedy looms nearer....

Quote:

Good morning Olga!

I'm glad you're all set for your travel. I look forward to meet you!

Here, all is well, or so I'm told. The grid keeps giving nonsensical data and keeps to refuse normalization.

Last time I checked, the field equations in the code were changed, as if someone wanted to test a new theory, something different and for sure not by textbook.
The mathematician in me looks at it and thinks it's just a pile of numerical crap, but something tells me there's more to it than just jumbled algebra.
None of us claims to have it changed, and no access log shows that. If that wasn't impossibile, I'd say the grid changed the field equation itself. Bah, maybe the sysadmins are playing a prank on us.

By the way, did my friend Theo contact you? He runs a modeling agency and I sent him your pics in hope to getting you a job, or at least some cash for a photoshoot. His agency is very reputable. They had Gisele Bundchen once!

In any case, let me know.

Ash.

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:49 pm

Maybe that tradegy could be that Cern goes apeshit and lets in Millions of creatures from another dimension... And it's up to you and Olga to sort it out Wink

I just got rid of my playstation, I'm playing Doom 3 at the moment

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:22 pm

Gisele... who? Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 Mar 2011 Posts: 33

Terror Mask wrote:

^^^

Oh, that and many more..... Twisted Evil

It's an homage to one of my favorite CRPGs: Vampire - Bloodlines.
There was a company named DM Productions. They made.... questionable movies at best Twisted Evil

And I thought where I heard about it!!! Can't believe there is no sequel. We should work Tzimisce in one of the baits.

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 9:41 am

Quote:

Also I was in shop and have bought Erotic underwear,

Creepy booty and guns freak The Haz suddenly takes an interest!

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:21 pm

Ok: I'm out for the weekend and vladdo flood my mailbox.

I reply only to her last desperate - and scripted - plea...

Quote:

Dear , I do not wish to speak you farewell a word!
It - very much pity to me which, thus all has appeared with money!
But without your help I cannot arrive to you.
Mum has given me almost all money, that I would arrange to me directly this travel.
But I do not want again loneliness. I do not wish to come back home.
I do not wish to remain in Moscow. I do not want anybody except for you.
After explosion in Moscow the dream here to leave awful even in the street
First of all I wish to continue travel! Only help me with a trip!
I will necessarily come back to you of money as soon as I will receive the first income!
I want to you! I want, that you have surrounded me with tenderness, a heat, care.
I wish to think tomorrow with confidence. I want, that you always were With me.
I wish to fall asleep and wake up with idea concerning you (and it is better in your embraces).
I wish to be assured, that is necessary for you everywhere and always, from time to time.
I wish to look simply in your eyes. I want, that your warm breath has warmed to me hands.
I want, that you loved me. I wish to sit down in the plane and to leave to you
Thanks for your letters and warm words!
I wait from you for good news! I on former hope of your help!

Kiss You

Ash replies in a bit of a hurry...

Quote:

Dear Olga,

Sorry for not having responded these days. I'm in a bit of a situation here, but if we can handle it right, it'll be a breakthrough in human history.

Can't tell you what it is - yet - but I'll elaborate more on that later.

As for your trip - yes, I can arrange that.
Send me a brief recap of what you need and I'll try to sort things out.

Cheers for now, got to get back to work.

Ash

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 7:00 am

Boris is STILL on script, which means it's blatantly ignoring Theo.

In Thor's words: "I Say NO!" Laughing

Theo nudges:

Quote:

Dear Ms,. Filippovna,

We have not heard from you, but since you might prove a valuable asset we decided to contact you again, incase our mail to you was lost or overlooked.

If you are willing to work with us, please respond to this mail ASAP.

We can offer you 300 USD for each studio photo taken, or 3000 for a full portfolio, plus a 3% commission if you make it to a magazine (which we are sure you'll do).

Regards,

Theodore Mask

Death Mask Modeling, Inc.

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 9:02 am

Olga gets back to Ash, stating the amount she needs.

Quote:

Hello my dear Ash
How you do?
I need only 990 $USD for purchase of the ticket to you I will give all to you
I will work also all to you I will give
Now I am in a condition of influence which I cannot fly to you
It is a pity to me, that, thus all has appeared
With money, but without your help I cannot arrive to you.
My mum has not now money,
It has given me not which money to this trip,
But it is insufficiently many of them.
If you cannot help me with purchase of the ticket to you, I should come back
To itself home the day after tomorrow

Ash replies with a short explanation, all the while....something.... chimes in at the end. DUN DUN DUNNNNN! Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Olga,

Thanks for your mail.
I think I can come up with this: as soon as I can get a pause for all this mess, I'll organize the WU transfer.

I don't think I'll be able to do it tomorrow, though: everyone here is still trying to analyze what the fuck happened to the calculation grid after the latest LHC run.
Sounds like something out of science fiction, but all evidence point to this: the data we received from the strange matter were not just data. they are morphing with each caculation cycle and reprogramming the grid.
It reacts to inputs in...bizarre ways. Some do not make sense: some make TOO MUCH sense, and that's what's beginning to scare me.
The bigwigs up in the offices are cracking down on us to keep all this mess a secret, so they can sell it to whomever they please, but we down there are being dodgy: it's unsafe to leak it out. Not until we know for certain what's happening.

Well, lots of hugs: must get back to work

Ash

*** 2344553 #PRAGMA

VOID NULL(VOID)

101101010101

I see you.

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:45 pm

Boris sticks to his script.
How frackin' annoying.

Quote:

hello my lovely Ash
In the beginning of ours with you of attitudes I very much would like to glance to you in soul, to learn what you?
But the longer we corresponded, the more strongly to me was wished to shout for fear, to shout with happiness and to call to the aid.
To me the help from that condition in which was required plunged and plunge to this day.
I could not see myself and hear. I unconsciously understand that to me very well.
And that I test that is impossible to describe words is it is possible to feel only. All this, I would name love.
I thought of you two minutes and forgot on three hours. But gradually began to get used to you.
And now I have got in full dependence on you.
And now I think of you three hours and I forget on two minutes.
And such minutes I am ready on all for the sake of love.
I did not stop and I shall stop before what and who cannot overpersuade me to go back.
If the person though has drunk times an elixir of love to not get rid any more of it, it remains in blood.
And that I do all, I shall do, all reminds me of the love first a drop which has got in my blood together with you and your letters.
I very much wait from you for good news! To me it is very lonely in Moscow one. All grace of this city is even not interesting to me.

Kiss You

Tomorrow I'll cook up a deign reply. AM is born, and it's *NOT* friendly... Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:52 pm

Let me see Mask! Wink

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