A Rose by any other name would smell.

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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 10:16 am

This is your typical orphan refugee scam but as it came from a dating site it's all about the love. My character Glenn is a 40-something rock guitarist (thanks InternationalChrysis) who bears a striking resemblance to Mick Jones from The Clash and wouldn't you know he's tired of the lifestyle and just wants to settle down…

Quote:

Hello my new friend

I am very happy to read your mail today,am Rose Fred. I am 21 years old, single and never married, 5ft 8 inches Tall, 55kg weight, fair in complexion, black hair, brown eyes and above every thing God fearing, truthful and trustworthy.

I am from Liberia in Western Part of Africa and presently i am residing in the Church here in Dakar Senegal, (blah, blah, father dead lots of money in bank)

About my hobbies,i like reading books, swimming, cooking, writing, watching movies, world news and Volleyball. I will tell you more about my self in my next mail. Now i will like you to tell me more about your self, for me to know you more. Attached is my picture. Am waiting for your reply soonest. have a nice day and God bless and protect you.
Yours new friend.

Miss Rose

I reply:

Quote:

Hi rose! What a beautiful name. You're as pretty as a flower. I'm Glenn a musician. ROCK AND ROLL baby! I too have lost many people. Two guitarists and a drummer so far. But that's the lifestyle. Drugs. I try not to do them anymore. I've partied a LOT in my time but I'm looking to settle down either on my ranch in Arizona or maybe my house in Malibu. I'm looking for a lady who 'll appreciate me for the man inside rather than the metal God I am when I'm on stage. Could it be you?
I'm in England a the moment recording an album and feeling a bit lonely. It would be nice to chat.

Glenn XX

Then comes the details about the Reverend father looking after her and the money in the bank…yawn

I send:

Quote:

Hey baby! If you're having troubles over there don't fret. I'll sort it out. normally a girl on;y wants me for my money but sweetheart you've got nearly as much as me in the bank! Why don't I just get you out of there and then we can sort out your deposit account once you're safe? I don't need your money darling. You can keep all of it. I just want you. and to know that you're out of that shit country.

Love Glenn XX

She replies:

Quote:

My love,
How are you doing this lovely day and how was your night,I believe it is beautiful day as you look towards holding me close to your side very soon!You are the best thing that happened in my life. You make me feel loved and worthy of love. I have missed much in life because I did not have a companion but i thank God for bringing you in my life You are the companion that I have wanted for so long.

But i have thought over what you said in the mail and i have a suggestion darling.....It will be also easy if i come over to join you over there in your country and then we can contact the bank together.

But My love the only problem i have now is that i lost my passport in my country, and now without the passport i cannot be able to go out and now i have to get a passport.

Honey how do you feel about my idea? please try to send me a picture and your phone number please so i can hear your voice.

Please my love i like to hear your voice on phone +221-703367916 so that we can talk much better: You are the man who promise to me a better life with you and i can't wait to join you over there in your country to makes you a happy man in life to show you true,honest and understanding love in fact i can not express how much you mean to me until i come over there in your country i want to lie nest to you all time!You love and longs for my warm hugs. You look at me with eyes full of love when I touch your face and look into your beautiful eyes.

I love you with all my heart,

Yours In Love
Rose

Beautiful words. I'm welling up with emotion.

Quote:

Hi baby!

Your idea is a good one. I'd love to see you in person for real. Sorry to hear about your passport. That's a bummer, man. I've got about another three or four days recording to do here in England and then I'm free. I was thinking about taking a holiday anyway. Do you want to come with me? That would be cool, darling. I'll have a look at some destinations and see what you think.
I like the way you talk of getting it on with me. Sure honey, I like that romantic stuff. Kissing and a-hugging and all that. But I got to tell you I like the dirty stuff too. I'm a beast in bed, sweetheart!! I've been in England for about a month now working and I've got sexy thoughts about you on my mind. If we can get together it's going to be like two goats making out. I'll want to ride you like a horse - I'll make you purr like a cat when we go doggy, it's going to be zoological!!!
Hope you don't mind me being a bit sexy on the old email but girl, I haven't had it for ages and my sack's bigger than santa's on Xmas eve! Anyway I got to get back in the studio soon and lay down some killer riffs so it's probably best to use email for now. I just got a new iphone so I'm not sure of the number yet - but you'll probably only get my voicemail anyway. I can't have the phone switched on when we're recording. I'll let you have it when I know what it is. Looking forward to your next mail baby. Love you.
Glenn XXX

Then comes the whining…

Quote:

My love

How is everything with you? I hope you are doing well. knowing my condition and the sufferings am going through here. Darling please i need you in my life as i have not being myself since i haven't heard your voice. You promised to get me out of this place and now i dont want to loose all of that. Honey i am begging please not to abandon me here in this place to die please darling help me. Try to see how you send the money for my passport and all money you spent should be recorded as well cos i will love to pay back cos you are so wonderful and nice to me. your picture is so nice so i have print it out cos i will seeing it always i really love and want to be with you . When the passport is ready the i can starts preparing the documents for a visa my love i know that this might be so much stress that i put you through but i believe in God's will and i think its God's wish that you would be my saviour please don't let me die in this place,i am really in deep sufferings and all my traumas are killing me each day! DARLING I NEED A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you mean you need to GET a life?

Couple of mail exchanges about the passport, money etc and then, as usual, I go creepy and want to know about her underwear.

Quote:

Hey baby! I'm still here in the breakroom having my cigarette. Lovely to hear from you. I'm glad you're feeling better. It's all going to be cool. I'm thinking about you darling. Your fine body and sweet smile. Man, I'm really bursting with love. I might need to go and pull the pud for a bit. Honey can I ask you a personal question? It'll really help me concentrate when I'm doing my five-finger shuffle. What kind of underwear do you like? Black, red, white? Lacy? I think I might go online and order you some sexy gear to wear when we meet. What size are you in a bra? I'll get you some classy stuff. it must be difficult to feel like a real woman where you are. You probably have to make do with some old baggy panties or something. well, that's going to change darling. I'll make sure you have the best money can buy.

Love Glenn XXX

She seems happy to discuss the issue:

Quote:

My love

How is everything with you? I hope you are doing well and your recording is in progress, how i wish am there to watch you recording and take you some photo snaps, darling i really love you and about the underwears , its like you are a prophect to know all my underwears and pants are old ones, mylove all my underwears are worn because of no care here but am happy that God have intervern and give me a sweetheart, honey i cannot wait to feel and sleep with you.

Darling, i prefer white and pink colours in underwears and pants and bra too and my size in bra is 32.You know darling, that there is no one that i can go to for help, i do not have anybody in this world, you are all i have and i might die if i loose you because my whole life depends on you.

Bye for now with sweet kisses from your beloved

Then a mail about how she's sorry she hasn't written for two days due to a power cut. I reply:

Quote:

Hey darling! Thanks for the photo I loved it although it was a bit small. It made me go a bit cross-eyed trying to study you in detail. I'm glad you like pink and white for your underwear - very cute. Thanks also for your size I'll pick you out some awesome silky stuff that will make you feel like a real woman. The singer is being a bit of an asshole to be honest and has decided that he doesn't like the tracks we've recorded. He says the vibe isn't dark enough or something so looks like I'm going to be stuck here at the studio until he's satisfied. Hopefully it shouldn't take too long. Ah well. I'm on $2500 per day so it's the record company's money he's spending. I keep thinking about you all the time. I've been getting letters from other girls on the dating site but to be honest none of them are as pretty as you. Yet. Just kidding. You ROCK!!! Sorry to hear about the power. It's probably due to that "heavy electricity" I read about on the internet. I hear it's a real problem over there. Stay safe angel. Don't walk under any power lines and make sure you wear a hat.

Love Glenn XXX

PS here's a photo of me with the asshole singer. He's the one at the front.

I then send her a mail that says "Your pants" and attach a picture of some lacy scanties.
I also send a mail with a 5MB mp3 on it of some serious hardcore thrash metal and say:

Quote:

Hi baby. I sneaked this out of the studio and put it on my laptop. Don't tell
anyone you have it because it hasn't been released yet. Top secret!! I hope you
like it. ROCK AND ROLL BABY!!

Please tell me what you think of the music. Your opinion is important to me.

Love Glenn XXXX

She replies:

Quote:

My love, how are you and i hope your night was sweet,sound,and smooth? Well mine was sweet because It was all about you. I kept seeing your face and i cant wait any longer darling i miss you so much and want to come and be with you my love. I am looking forward to the future for that time when you will hold me in your arms to keep me safe from the cruelties of this world!!!!!!! Sweet kisses to you.I love you!!!!!!! you are my world!!!!!! and there is nothing more that i want other than YOU.

Sweetie so how do i get my passport? The rev father said if you complain about the western union you can also wire money to senegal by money gram with his name as i have given to you.All am saying is that so i can start the passport process and you sending me invitation letter as soon as the passport is out so i can go for the visa to jion you mydear.

At he moment i want to know where are you ?are you still in Uk or where? As of the pants you have bought for me, am just short of words until i meet you soonest but you have really taken my love/life , yes you did and am happy with you mydear. That is why i need to get passport very fast to start process my travelling document cos i cannot wait anymore to see and feel you.

Darling , i love the ROCK AND ROLL so much how i wish i have a phone or usb key to take and saved. I am looking forward to the future for that time when you will hold me in your arms to keep me safe.

Rose

I don't think she listened to it. Or maybe she likes thrash metal?

Quote:

My darling rose. I am feeling like a million dollars. And I'm looking at it too! Well not quite a million but I've got nearly $900,000 saved in my account. Baby I'm taking a year off. I've benn working hard rocking and rolling and I'm getting tired of the drugs and sex with groupies. I want to do it with you. ALL NIGHT!! What kind of things do you like darling? Tell me your fantasies and I'll make sure they come true.
How would you like to see the world? Paris, Rome, Rio, las Vegas anywhere you want to go baby I'll take you. Best hotels and first class travel all the way. I know it's a lot to ask but you would make me the happiest man alive if you were by my side. You'll look so fine all the men are going to be like "Shit! How did that guy get such a smoking hot girl?" I'll sort out your passport and visas and all that. just say yes you want to be with me. baby I can't wait to have you in my arms and in my bed. I'm glad you like the sexy underwear - can't wait to see you in it. Glad you like the music too. It kicks your ass, doesn't it? WHOOO!! ROCK AND ROLL. That's what I'm talking about.
Can't wait to hear from you darling. I'm still in the UK at the moment but not for much longer. Write soon.

I love you princess.

Glenn XXXX

She replies:

Quote:

Darling,
i wish to spend my life with you because you helped me out of my miserable conditions and gave me life and hope.Sweetie i have earlier told you thaqt you are what i want and am happy to be with you.

Darling when are you living UK? and any where you want us to go is better for you to dcide because i have not been out of Africa before.

Rose

And my final reply:

Quote:

That's great news darling! You won't be miserable ever again. Soon you'll be out of those stinking old rag-panties and into silk and lace. I should have some good news for you tomorrow or the next day. I've just got a couple of things to take care of here and then I'm all yours. I reckon you're going to be in for a nice surprise. You can start packing your little cardboard box. Soon it'll be Louis Vuitton luggage, baby!! That's ROCK N ROLL lifestyle, right there!!

I adore you. Glenn XXXX

And this is her final mail:

Quote:

My darling,

How was your night? hope it was nice and sweet mylove, as i cannot wait to see and feel you cos you have taken my heart and i really want to lie next to you always just try for me to get the passport ready.

Rose

Sorry about the long read but I wasn't sure whether this one was going anywhere and then it took off quite quickly. So Glenn is obviously planning a surprise trip to Senegal and you know what? He's taking a friend. Ladies and Gentlemen…ON DRUMS…it's…THE DITZ. Or soon will be.
I'm sure Rose can find a nice young lad for "her". ROCK N ROLL ON TOUR, BABY!!

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 1:51 pm

Oooh BABY, I am SO looking forward to this one Smile

Kathrin never looked so good! Are we using the ditz's normal email or do you want a new one. As some dude from Advertising used to say: "I'm EXCITED!"

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:02 pm

Chris AND Phil together on tour?!

*hysterical teenybopper scream* Very Happy

I'll be following this - tear her to shreds Twisted Evil

insults and more · Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:04 pm

The two of you are guaranteed to give a lovelad deep psychological scars.

Phil: do you call lads? This lad is begging to get a phone call consisting of bellowing, gurgling terms of endearment.

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:41 pm

Thanks Terrormask. Your fanclub application and membership to our band (which Chrys has named) will be sent to you electronically. Please pay $600 via Westren Onion. In return you get a tiny badge and a bumper sticker which says I heart Emo-Industrial Black Goth Death Metal. I hope you have a big car. Please allow 6 months for delivery. Or never. Which ever comes first.

Leon, I don't do phoning but we could definitely use someone skilled if you're available. A couple of phone chats always seems to seal these Safari deals and it would be great to have you on our tour.

Rose is starting to show her lad colours. She sent:

Quote:

so what are you up to now! because i cannot really understand you at times, Only you said that you will get me a passport to fly to meet you and now you talk another thing! cant you be straight for once so i can understand you.

Well all what you said i have heard until i see you and the girl, getting her a man is never a problem here senegal cos there are many men out there.So till i see you or hear from you.

Rose

I replied:

Quote:

Hi baby! It's ok it's not confusing. I never said for you to come here and see me. That was always what you said. I always intended to come and see you. But I wanted it to be a surprise that's all. I can get you a passport when I see you there. I don't know what you mean about being straight. That's all I've been from the start. Nothing's changed. That's great you can sort out Ditz with someone. Let me know who it is as soon as you do. Love you baby. I've got to sort out the visas and stuff. We're going to charter a plane so we can get there easy. How many dollars do you think we should each bring in cash? I reckon enough for about a month? But staying in all the best places, best food etc.

Love you angel Glenn XXXX

And the answer came:

Quote:

PLEASE WHEN EVER YOU ARRIVE SENEGAL LET ME KNOW OK!

Oh yeah! ROCK N ROLL \oo/ Lock up your ficticious daughters and your imaginary sons cos we're on a rocket-ride to Dakar.

insults and more · Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:12 pm

^^^ I can call if you want. My Chewie growl, with some shrieking feedback in the background, could pass for metal. Alternatively, I could just start and stop clips of The County Medical Examiners (a band whose lyrics are autopsy reports, growled as if they are gargling). I've got GV numbers (US), and I can also call from an unidentified Skype number.

You may want to PM the Dane to see if he can help you out too. His MorphVox gives him superpowers on lad calls. I bet he's got a "Weary Death Metal Singer (mildly intoxicated)" setting.

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:29 pm

If interested, I have a whole friggin' library of grindcore and black metal songs for background noises Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:48 pm

And I've just discovered my CD of electro industrial metal! Godflesh anyone Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:59 pm

Woooooo

I prefer Eistruzende Neubauten, or for a VERY odd trip, Gantz Graf Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 4:02 pm

@ Terror Mask. A RL friend plays in the touring band for Einsturzende Neubaten, I have a soft spot for them too

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 4:06 pm

^^^ You're officially my hero now Very Happy

If you want to go hard on the religious angle, I even have a couple CDs by Deicide from my troubled youth Twisted Evil

(I have to live up to my name, don't I? Wink

)

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 4:46 pm

Nah, it's all good, I can get Deicide CDs from my daughter! Shocked

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 5:00 pm

^^^ Dude....WHOA Shocked

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 5:17 pm

My daughter and her fiancee BOTH love metal, grindcore and stuff like that. Me, I can take it or leave it. My grand daughter won't have a say in it Wink

Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 1:18 am

@Everyone who's posted. Thanks guys! I'm rather partial to Ministry myself. @leon I think a phone call with "Sorry what? I can't hear you for the death rattle gargling and buzzsaw guitars in the background would be gold. Let's see if Rose's love of ROCK AND ROLL goes to 11!

Chrys and I will set the groundwork and pass on the details. I already have the refugee camp's "Holy Father" phone number. Will PM The Dane too and ask if he wants to have any input.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:55 pm

Ditz was a bit worried about going all the way to Senegal on a blind date so I sent this:

Quote:

Hey Rose! We sure will let you know when we arrive in Senegal. I really can't wait to see you. Ditz is a little bit nervous of travelling so far though without knowing who she's going to be sharing her holiday with. She's fine with you of course. I've told her all about you and she says you sound amazing. It's who will be her partner. She doesn't really want to go on a blind date. Can you let me know who he will be? What's his name? more importantly can you please send a photo? She wants to check out the goods before she buys them if you know what I mean. You can send them to me and I'll pass them on. If he's got his own email address I can give that to Ditz and she'll email him directly.
For later, I've also looked at taking you to New York in the USA afterwards. I've stayed in this hotel before and it's amazing. You'll love it. have a look here [most expensive hotel room in the world]
www.fourseasons.com/newyorkfs/guest_rooms_and_suites/ty_warner_penthouse/

And I love you.

Glenn XXX

And with apparently no difficulty whatsoever a boyfriend for Ditz magically appears!
He's called Paul although of course his email is a completely different name. Two pics of some dude striking a couple of poses too. Nice. I'm sure he and Ditz will get on like a hut on fire.

I sent this to thank her for going to the trouble:

Quote:

Thanks honey! I really appreciate you doing that. She's going to be thrilled. I think she's got a bit of a thing for the bad boy gangster type. I'm sure she'll be happy to come on the trip now. I'll give her his details.
Darling I've been thinking about you a lot. You're so cool and beautiful and have such a kind heart. Can't wait to meet you. But baby, one thing's bothering me. We've talked about me a lot and what I want. I feel like we haven't really talked about you enough. What your needs are. I don't want things to be awkard when we are together in bed. What sort of things do you like and what don't you like - if anything. I want to make you feel like a natural woman nad I can only do that if I know what will make you hot and excited. I want our first time to be the best you've ever had. Can you help me to make sure that you aren't disappointed?

Love you so much baby. Glenn XXX

We're looking forward to our trip. I hear Simba do a very nice line in safari parks.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:00 am

^^^ Let's just say the ditz wholeheartedly recommends them Smile

ETA: My reply to Paul (cc'd to Phil):

Quote:

And I must admit you are damn fine, Paul! I've always had a thang for bad boy types. Especially bad boys called Paul!

So, bad boy Paul, what do you do for kicks? I'm the drummer in our band and I've sent my fave pic of me as well. Hope you like! get back to me if you like my photo.

I sent him a largish pic of Meg white on stage. If he likes, I can try track down the porno, I'm sure he'd love that Wink

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 9:51 am

Oh I'm sure he'd love it Chrys. ideal viewing for a crowded cafe I'd say!!

Sent this to Rose just to keep things ticking over:

Quote:

Hi my darling rose.

How have you been? I hope you've been thinking about me. I've been doing the same.We are definitely coming to Senegal. That's the godammn truth. We've just got to do some ironing as there's one small hitch. Turns out ditz has only got 2 weeks left on her visa. She's from australia, you see. We don't want any problems when we get there so she's going to extend it while she's here with me in the UK. Then we're good to go.

I just want to check I've got the right phone number for you. I want to ring you and hear your voice. Is it still <snip>? I'll call you and make sure it's all ok. Ditz told me she'd sent an email to Paul. I think she likes him so that's cool.We're going to have a great time all four of us.

I've told Ditz we should probably take about $20,000 dollars each in cash. I this enough? I have no idea. Please tell me if it's not enough. Ditz really wants to see tigers. Do you know of any good places to see them while we're there? Sorry to ak so many questions but we're both really excited.

Love you so much baby.

See you soon.

Glenn XXXXX

Fingers crossed and with great help we may get audio at some point.

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:34 pm

Proof, if it were needed, that there is no honour amongst thieves and men are pigs. A couple of IM message chats with Lana in Nigeria and she wants to steal me away from the lovely Rose. And to my shame, and the shame of all men, I let her.

Our chat on Tue, 1/3/11 12:32 -----
Lana Williams(10:56): hello
Lana Williams(10:56): how are you
Glenn(11:04): hey Lana. I thought you'd forgotten all about me. I'm cool. How are you?
Lana Williams(11:04): fine
Lana Williams(11:04): where are you
Glenn(11:06): staying in this big house and recording studio in the UK but not for much longer. I've finished my guitar parts and I'm on holiday baby!!
Lana Williams(11:07): long time
Lana Williams(11:07): i am very sick
Glenn(11:08: Oh baby. what's the matter?
Lana Williams(11:09): i told i am not okay in these fucking country that i want to come back home [ Shocked

Whoa! Steady. First I've heard. And mind your language!]
Glenn(11:09): what country are you in darling and where's home?
Lana Williams(11:11): right now i am in west africa with my manager for a
business but i am from usa is my father land
Glenn(11:12): No shit! I'm from the USA too. Which part are you from? And where in west africa are you because this could be spooky.
Lana Williams(11:14): i am from texas but right now i am in nigeria now with my manager \
Glenn(11:15): Ah Texas. The big horn state. I'm from Arizona. I've got a ranch there and a house near the beach in Malibu. Nigeria. is that near Senegal?
Lana Williams(11:16): mean
Glenn(11:16): Is Nigeria near Senegal?
Lana Williams(11:17): no, why
Glenn(11:19): That would be really weird if it was because I'll be honest with you. Since we last talked I've been emailing this girl in Senegal. She's in a refugee camp at the moment. She's really sweet and I'm arranging to go out there and meet her for a holiday. I thought you might know her.
Lana Williams(11:21): really
Glenn(11:22): yeah. me and a friend are going to go. But we've got to sort out our visas first.
Lana Williams(11:23): really
Lana Williams(11:23): when are going
Glenn(11:24): yeah. I just told you. Why, you don't believe me?
Lana Williams(11:25): that what
Glenn(11:25): we're going in about a week I think. what's it like in Senegal do you know?
Lana Williams(11:26): that means that you dont like me
Glenn(11:27): No baby. I like you. I don't know what you look like though. are you pretty? Maybe I should cancel my trip and come and see you in Nigeria instead! : )
Lana Williams(11:28: yeah
Lana Williams(11:28: can you that for me
Glenn(11:29): i don't know sweetheart. Maybe if this other girl doesn't work
out then sure it's a possibility. I'd need to see your photos first. I sent you
mine. but never got yours.
Lana Williams(11:31): do you love the girk
Glenn(11:34): I'm not sure. Love's a difficult thing. I know she's a nice girl
and needs my help and then we would see what happens. But I'm always looking for the right one. I'm a musician in rock bands so I've slept with a lot of girls. I just want to find one to live with and share my life with. I need to look around and see who's out there. I hope that doesn't sound too selfish.
Lana Williams(11:36): thanks for saying your mind i like you for that
Lana Williams(11:36): but i like to you better
Glenn(11:37): well darling a man has got to be honest with a woman. She always finds out if he's cheating or lying lol. I like you better too.
Lana Williams(11:38: all want i need is true love for ever
Glenn(11:38: That's a beautiful thing to say. I think we're all looking for
that baby.
Lana Williams(11:39): do love that girl in senegal
Glenn(11:39): You think I should give it a try with her? Is that what you're
saying?
Lana Williams(11:40): bcos i am falling love with you
Glenn(11:42): Oh darling. That's so sweet. You sound kile a great girl. I like
you too. A lot. Listen baby why don't you email me some pictures and I'll take a look. Then who knows? This could be the start of something. After all I haven't told this girl when I'm coming over. There could always be a problem with my visa or something.
Lana Williams(11:43): i am trying to send to you but the network is very bad
Glenn(11:44): I understand. There's no rush. Just describe yourself for now.
Lana Williams(11:47): i am single since when i was born and i am the first of the family, i am working with a wicked soul [don't I know it] who dont take of is staff i need a
Lana Williams(11:48: person who will take of me for ever
Glenn(11:49): Well baby I may be the one who could take of you for ever. But what do you look like? Tell me about your looks. Thin, big tall short, large breasts small ones you know that sort of thing.
Lana Williams(11:57): i am a big and a large breasts but when i send my pics to you will see it better
Glenn(11:59): well that sounds good darling. they say that everything in Texas is bigger lol. i like big women there's more to love! To be honest this senegal girl is a bit skinny.

Lana Williams(12:00): why
Glenn(12:00): I don't know sweetheart. I guess because she doesn't have a lot to eat in the refugee camp.
Lana Williams(12:02): why are you sounding like this
Glenn(12:03): Like what? I'm being honest. I don't know why she's skinny I'm just guessing.
Lana Williams(12:04): they may a reason for that pls ask are first
Glenn(12:06): yeah you're right. You women always stick up for each other. That could have sounded like I was being mean to her. I didn't mean to sound cruel. She is a nice girl. maybe you're right I should think about her. But now I can't stop thinking about you.
Lana Williams(12:07): why
Glenn(12:08: why? because you told me you loved me and you have big breasts. I'm only a man. That sort of thing makes us craxy darling!
Glenn(12:08: that word was meant to be crazy. See? you've even affected my typing : )
Lana Williams(12:10): i need true love pls that is very important to my life
Glenn(12:10): I know. I want that too.
Lana Williams(12:11): are you serious
Glenn(12:11): serious as cancer baby
Lana Williams(12:11): do ypou mean it to be me forever
Glenn(12:12): maybe. You've got me all hot and confused. I could be falling for you.
Lana Williams(12:12): really
Glenn(12:13): cross my heart and hope to die
Lana Williams(12:14): you which to say with me forever till you die
Glenn(12:15): well that's the kind of girl I'm looking for. Long term. I've
fucked plenty of women but they always leave after. I just want one woman from now on.
Glenn(12:19): Lana darling. Are you blonde with long hair?
Lana Williams(12:22): i cant see you
Glenn(12:23): What do you mean. Are you blind? That's ok honey. I don't mind if you're a blind girl.
Lana Williams(12:25): i am not blind, i want to see you again and be with you for ever
Glenn(12:27): That's sweet baby. I'm glad you're not blind. I want to see you too. Honey you have GOT to send me those pictures. I'm bursting here. I really need to look at you.
Lana Williams(12:29): pls send your email id, i am to send it to you now bcos i am in love with you and i want to be with you for ever
Glenn(12:32): Ok baby I'm going to email you. I think I'm in love with you too. You've got me hotter than Georgia asphalt and harder than a New York manhole. Send me those photos girl I need to take a cold shower and cool down : )
----END----

Sorry.
Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 3:13 am

Seems Meg white didn't push his buttons, I've gotten nada outta love lad Crying or Very sad

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:14 am

Meg White....hm. The name rings a bell.... Rockbitch? Very Happy

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:33 am

Well I think she's lovely in a "kinda funny lookin'" sort of way. Never mind Chrys we'll just have to ask Rose to find someone else because we're not leaving until you've been hooked up with a strapping young lad. The Good Reverend's phone appears to be permanently switched off too. TheDane has had no luck there so far. A mild rebuke to Rose:

Quote:

Hi darling! Whats going on? We've tried to call your telephone loads of times
and it's switched off. I really wanted to speak to you and hear your voice. And
what's up with Paul? Ditz is really upset that he hasn't replied to her emails.
Do you want me to come to senegal or not? I'm really frustrated darling. I
wanted to get everything sorted out but you're holding things up.

I love you, you little scamp.

Glenn XXXX

Which will become a proper slap if she doesn't get her arse in gear and into the exciting lingerie I've bought her.

Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:42 pm

@ terror mask: Meg white's from the white stripes

I do have a soft spot for Rockbitch though. Next time for sure Wink

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 12:44 pm

^^^^ You are SO my hero Very Happy

This bait needs a Malcolm McLaren (suggest, suggest, nag, nag Very Happy

)

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 1:57 pm

@Terror Sure. Every band needs a media manipulating impresario who'll rip us off for all our money Very Happy

Unfortunately however it looks as though Sonic Catheter Autopsy Monkey (sorry Chrys, I can never remember the EXACT name of our band - too many drugs in the 60's) WON"T be going to Senegal on their METAL crusade of love. I don't know, lads today. Rolling Eyes

No imagination!
Rose sends:

Quote:

please i dont like the way you sound am not holding you in any way, if you want to come to senegal, you can come and stop bothering me with all these pls, i have many problems to think about!

I've basically replied with a there, there you poor girl. tell me where it hurts. Still, just the fact that we're bothering her is a start.

Love Phil X

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