Clementine the Impatient Un-cooperative Novice

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Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:57 pm

Quote:

The cast;

- I wasn't trying to be awkward, honest!
Wale Thomas - Mugu #1, playing the crooked banker
Clement (aka Clementine) Akpambo - Mugu #2, playing the bank and the crooked banker's accomplice
United Bank of Africa - self explanatory

This bait although lasting a little over 3 months didn't go anywhere exciting. Clement couldn't handle the questions, neither could Wale and the two had a falling out. But I still haven't figured out why I am a "rotarian".

To: Wale Thomas
Date: June 14
Subject: Your offer of modalities

Mr Wale,

Pease send proof of monetary existence of account 14-255-2004/utb/f and I shall make the necessary arrangement. My private and confidential fax is 1-707-361-0284 but I do not have a secure phone line as calls are being monitored due to an unusual circumstance.

Regards,

>Dear sir/madam,
>
>My name is Mr.Wale Thomas the manager, credit and foreign
>bills of UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC. (UBA). I am writing in respect of a foreign customer of my
>bank with account number 14-255-2004/utb/t who perished in a plane crash [Korean Air Flight
>801] with the whole
>passengers and his name was Andreas B smith. Since the demise of this our customer, I personally
>has watched with keen interest to see the
>next of kin but all has proved abortive as no one has come to claim his
>funds of usd.60 m, [sixty million united states dollars] which has been
>with my branch for a very long time. On this note, I decided to seek for
>whom his name shall be used as the next of kin as no one has come up to be the next of kin.
>And the banking ethics here does not allow such money to
>stay more than five years, because money will be recalled to the bank
>treasury as unclaimed after this period. In view of this I got your
>contact through a trade journal after realizing that your name and
>country is similar to the deceased. I will give you (USD 20 M) million
>united states dollars of the total. Upon the receipt of your response,
>then you will spend (USD 36, 000) thirty six thousand dollars for the
>smooth success of the business.
>I will send you by fax or e-mail the application, bank's and the next step to take. I will not fail to >bring to your notice that this business is hitch free and that you should not entertain any fear as
>all modalities for fund transfer can be finalized within seven banking days, after you apply to the
>bank as a relation to the deceased.
>
>When you receive this letter. Kindly send me an e-mail
>signifying your decision including your private Tel/Fax numbers for
>quick communication.
>
>Respectfully submitted,
>
>Wale Thomas

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 15
Subject: RE: Your offer of modalities

Dear Callum,

Thanks for your email.I will droped an appllication on your behalf requesting to know the full existence of the money.So my bank will contact you by fax.Write me a mail as soon as they do.

Regards,
Wale Thomas

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 15
Subject: Just sent the request…

I just droped the Request on your behalf.The Bank will get back to you either by email or fax.So please as they do contact me by email and so that i can i give you the informations you need before sending the application.

I await your reply....

Regards,

Wale Thomas

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 16
Subject: Have you heard from the Bank

Please i willl like to know if you have recieved any letter from my Bank confirming the authenticity of the Money.

Please get Back to me as soon possible.

Regards,

Wale Thomas

To: Wale Thomas
Date: June 16
Subject: RE: Have you heard from the Bank

Wale,

I have received no communication from the bank.

Callum.

From: UBA
Date: June 17
Subject: RE:Account Balance

Dear sir,

We got your letter and we have beign trying all day to fax you want you requested without suscess.Our system is kind of slow so we can send it to you by attachment.

Please do bear with us,We hope to rectify this problem and get back to you as soon possible.

Thanks for banking with UBA....the wise choicein Banking

Sincerly Yours,

Clement Akpambo(Mr)

Head Of Accounts Department

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 17
Subject: RE: RE:Account Balance

Dear Sir,

Are you the bank for Mr Charlie or Mr Thomas? No one has told the name of your bank before so I am a little confused about what I am expecting. If you are trying to fax me, make sure the number is +1-707-361-0284 for confidence.

Regards,

From: UBA
Date: June 21
Subject: re:Account Balance
Attachments: Uba letter.jpg

Dear Sir,

We have tried to fax you what you requested,but our machine tell us that we are not allowed to make such calls by that time.We decided to send it by attachment,please do see the attachment.If you still want to recieve it by Fax,let us know the time your fax machine is always on.

Please we are sorry for the incovenience.

Thanks for Banking with UBA..the wise choice in banking.

Sincerly Yours,

Raymond Akpambo(Mr)

(Head Of Accounts Department)

Attached letter confirming deposit, has glaring spelling mistake "not" instead of "note" which leads to some confusion...

To: UBA
Date: June 21
Subject: RE:Account Balance

I have the attachment thank you. Are you the bank for Mr Charlie or Mr Thomas?

To: Wale Thomas
Date: June 23
Subject: Bank

Dear Wale,

Is your bank the United Bank For Africa Plc? I have received some email from them but they didn't tell me what is was regarding so I can only assume that it is for our business together.

Regards,

Callum

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 23
Subject: Re: Bank

Dear callum,

Yes that the name of my Bank.Please what is the content of the email.I will be waiting for your reply.

Wale Thomas

To: Wale Thomas
Date: June 23
Subject: Re: Re: Bank

Dear Wale,

I got an email from Mr Raymond Akpambo with a copy of a letter saying, and I quote, "Please *not* that the account balance left in the above which you requested is..." US$60,000,000 at the end of May etc etc.

This has confused me a little, does he mean that the balance is not US$60m? Has someone taken some or has it been earning interest and there is more?

The letterhead also had a rather peculiar picture on the left hand side, of some garden gnomes I think wearing what appears to be alphabetical hats, which seems rather strange for a bank. Maybe it has something to do with customs or something, like leprechauns.

Regards,

Callum

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 24
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Bank

Dear Friend,

I dont really understand your last mail.Could be more specific about what you are saying.Please i await your mail.

Wale Thomas

To: Wale Thomas
Date: June 24
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bank

Dear Wale,

I attach the letter from the bank for your reference. It says "Please NOT that the balance... is US$60,000,000"

So the balance is not US$60,000,000? Is the balance less or more than US$60,000,000? I will ask them to explain.

Regards,

Callum

To: UBA
Date: June 24
Subject: RE:Account Balance

Dear Mr Akmambo,

I notice that in your letter to me you state that the amount in this account is NOT US$60,000,000. Whaet has hapopened to it? Is it less or more? Please explain immediately as this seems most irregular and it upsetting to me as it affects my expectiations of what I have been led to believe by Mr Thomas. Do you think he is straight and one to be trusted? As we say, the hand that feeds you should not wear a sock.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 25
Subject: Re: Re: Account Balance

Dear Sir,

I find it rather unsual for to be writing a letter to me through the Bank email address.I dont really understand what is goin on.Are you telling me that the you are not the one that droped an application requesting for the balance in the account.

For your information,this account has not beign any single withdrawal for a while,i thught you said in your application that the owner of the account is dead.I begining to get suspicious of some kind of fowl play some where.

Please who is Mr.Thomas?What are his Full names?Is it just Thomas that is his name?

Any way the balance in the account is $60mUSD,if there are some interest,that shuld fr this month,so i dont really understand what yu are talking about.

do answer the above questions so that i can really understand what yu are saying.

Sincerly Yours,

Clement Akpambo

(Head Of accounts Department)

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 27
Subject: Why do you confuse me?

Dear Sir/Madam,

It appears that you are indeed truly confused. And now you are making me confused. Please stop doing this. it makes my head hurt and that is not nice.

1) I have not written any letter to you at the bank address. I sent an email to Raymond after he emailed me a letter confirming the existence of certain funds in account 14-255-2004 deposited in the name of Andreas B Smith. He sent me this because your manager of Credit and foreign Bills, Mr Wale Thomas, asked him to. It is this manager of your bank, Wale Thomas who asked for the letter to be sent to me. It seems strange that you do not talk to your colleagues. is something funny going on?

2) I never said anybody was dead. Mr Wale Thomas said that. If there is any foul play, I suggest you start on him as I am the innocent party to all of this.

3) Mr Wale Thomas is the Credit and Foreign Bills manager of your bank. Or at least that is what he told me. It is very worrying that you do not know this man.

4) How much interest is due this month on this account?

5) How many Heads of Accounts Department do you have? I was dealing with Raymond Akpambo, now you email me. Are you his daughter or niece? (I like Clement, it is a nice name for a woman, it sounds attractive).

I am very confused and no longer know what is going on. Please help.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 28
Subject: Re: Why do you confuse me?

Thanks for the piece of info about who contacted you.Any way i did that intentionally just to get the name of the person that contacted.

Any way than you very Much,i never mr.Thomas is this smart.Any way i am not giving you any more details about the account of the deceased,i know you sound suprised.I will talk to Mr.Thomas about what he said,but i feel he is stupid to be giving you right info about himself,cos this has landed him a big trouble.

The only way i can make you both make this deal is you both get me involved and i will get 20% of the money in the account i hope that not too much for him and you.I will speak to him in the office right away.Any way thanks for letting me know about this deal.

Bye and thanks to you once more.

From: Wale Thomas
Date: June 28
Subject: Please Stop further contact with my bank…

Dear friend,

I am sorry to say this,but i cant go on wth the transaction with you.Please i will be happy if you stop further contacts with my Bank.

Thanks for your time and attention,i am really greatful.

Regards,

Wale Thomas

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 30
Subject: Can we work together

Dear Clement,

From what you tell me Mr Thomas can not be trusted and has tried to trick me into something I do not understand. But given your position at the bank and the potential rewards for us, can we not cooperate together on this to our mutual benefit? If you can access the right information then we don't need Thomas for this to work.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 30
Subject: Re: Can we work together

I will like to work with you on this,but before i move forward,i will have to tell that there are expences involved,and you know will have to spend $36,000=00.If you are interested to partake in the expences then u can contact me so that i will gve you my private email address.

actaully the balance in the account,is $60mUSD.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: June 30
Subject: Re: Can we work together

Dear Clementine,

Please send me your private email address ASAP so we can effect some causes in this matter.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 1
Subject: my email

[email protected]

That my private email.

From: Wale Thomas
Date: July 18
Subject: Re: Please Stop further contact with my bank!

Never mind. I have made alternative arrangements and do not require any further assistance from you. I do not believe you can be trusted unlike other people.

I can't be trusted? How'd he work that out so quickly?

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 1
Subject: How to proceed?

Dear Clement,

I'm not sure how we shall proceed as Mr Thomas was obviously up to something. I have gone back to his first email and there are some things which I did not notice at the time but now worry me.

1) We know there is US$60m in the account, and that the account owner died in a plane crash 6th August 1997. Thomas told me that the money can only be kept for 5 years before the money is recalled to the bank as treasury. It is now almost 8 years after the crash.

2) He offered me 20% of the sum to help him claim the money, but said I would have to send US$36,000 first but did not explain why this was needed.

3) He said that I would have to approach the bank as a relative of the deceased. How I am to do this I am not sure.

What is your position in the matter and how do you think we should work this one together?

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 2
Subject: Re: How to proceed?

I will draft an application which you will send to the Bank requesting that the money be transfered to your nominated account.
All you should be worried of is for the Bank to aprove you as the Beneficiary of the account,on what he said that the money will be recalled after five year to bank treasury is what i will confrm to you not to be true because according to my investgation this account has not be touched for over a decade now.

About the $36,000,this s the fee the bank mght request,but i am not really sure yet,but like i told you before f they do request it you will have to take part in paying the fees.

I will draft the applicaton immediatelly and send to you.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 2
Subject: Re: How to proceed?

Dear Clement,

My only concern now is how can I know if you are to be trusted? I have already been tricked by Mr Thomas who I did not know, and I do not know you either. I think I shall require some proof of identity before going further.

If you can provide this then I will also provide mine so that we can trust each other.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 2
Subject: Re: How to proceed?

Ok,i will send you my id.How do want me to send t,is it by email or fax.I will like to have your full contacts also(phone numbers).

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 2
Subject: APPLICATION

Please do send this apliication to the Bank Immediately.About my ID,you have not told me how you want it sent.Is by email or fax.And also send me your full contacts while sending your ID to me.

Foreign Payment Dept.
United Bank for Africa (PLC)
Enugu,
P.M.B. 1334
E-mail: [email protected]

RELEASE OF US DOLLARS SXTY MILLION,(USD60M) ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 14-255-2004/utb/tof ANDREAS B. SMITH (MANAGER,PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES).

I am hereby writing for the release of the sum of Sixty Million($60M) held in account number 14-255-2004/utb/t of Andreas B. Smith of Petro-Technical Support Services. And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR BANK DETAILS HERE)
NAME OF BANK:
ACCOUNT HOLDER:
ACCOUNT NUMBER:
ADDRESS OF BANK:
SWIFT NUMBER:

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of our Manager who was entrusted with PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES. The need for the transfer of the money in the account becomes imperative. We shall be very grateful if this request meets with your favourable consideration

Thanks

Yours faithfully,
(PLEASE ENTER YOUR FULL NAME,ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS)

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 3
Subject: Re: How to proceed?

Dear Clement,

Either email or fax is fine. My confidential fax is 1-707-361-0284.

I could give you my phone number but I can not guarantee confidentiality on it. Our calls are monitored on a random basis as part of the increased security following the September 11 attacks, it's up to you if you are willing to take that risk but I myself would not. Email is best for communication at this time.

Full name is and my postal address is P O Box 58-096, Greenmount, Aotearoa 1730, NZ

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 3
Subject: Re: How to proceed?

Ok, will send it to you by fax.let me know as soon you recieve it.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 3
Subject: Leave your fax machine on

i am trying to send you my id,but it not going through.Please make sure you leave your fax on,because we will closing in the next 2hrs.

Have you sent the application i sent you?

Get back to me with your id,as soon you recieve mine.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 3
Subject: RE: Did You receive the Fax?

I sent you my bank Id by fax.Did you recieve it?Get back to me as soon as possible.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 4
Subject: RE: Did You receive the Fax?

Dear Clement,

I haven't received any fax, perhaps it would be better to send it by email.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 5
Subject: RE: Did You receive the Fax?

ok i will do just that,but that will take me something,cos i will be busy this week.But i will send as soon as possible.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 6
Subject: RE: Did You receive the Fax?

Clement,

When will you be sending the email of your ID? I would like to complete the application but am awaiting this first.

Regards,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 7
Subject: RE: Did You receive the Fax?

I sent my son to scan my Id,because the one in my office is not in good condition.But some how he messed up.I am quite busy now,i just ask a friend of mine to send it to you,i gave him your email address.

So do bear with.You will get the Id possibly today.

Clement Akpambo

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 8
Subject: How are you?

I am really sorry but i can not send you my ID now.I will like you to send the application first as soon they approve it,then i will send you my ID.
This is because i dont want what happened between you and mr.Thomas,to repeat itself.
Please do bear with me.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 8
Subject: RE: How are you?

Clement,

I certainly hope that what happened between Mr Thomas and myself does not happen again. He lied to me and tried to trick me. He was a fool, a liar and a thief but he got caught by yourself. I hope you are not the same and that stupid. Do not disappoint me further. The previous problem was Mr Thomas himself. You had better not be a problem also.

I must have your ID before I commit to anything. I will not be tricked again. Thrice bitten several times cover back as they say.

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 10
Subject: RE: How are you?

Ok i will get back to you.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 12
Subject: My ID..

Here is my Id.Contact me as soon you recieve it.

The front and the back

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 12
Subject: RE: My ID..

Clement,

I have your ID thankyou. What is the next step for us to take?

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 13
Subject: Send the application to the Bank..

Send the application i sent you to the Bank.Do this as soon as posibble.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 13
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

What application? I don't have one.

I sort of forgot he'd already sent it, never mind...

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 13
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

I dont really understand,yhe last time you said is my ID,that is holding you,before you send the application.Now you say you dont have the application.

Any way here is the application you can send it to the bank.

Send the application to the Bank's email address immediately, [email protected]

Foreign Payment Dept.
United Bank for Africa (PLC)
Enugu,
P.M.B. 1334
E-mail: [email protected]

RELEASE OF US DOLLARS SXTY MILLION,(USD60M) ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 14-255-2004/utb/tof ANDREAS B. SMITH (MANAGER,PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES).

I am hereby writing for the release of the sum of Sixty Million($60M) held in account number 14-255-2004/utb/t of Andreas B. Smith of Petro-Technical Support Services. And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR BANK DETAILS HERE)
NAME OF BANK:
ACCOUNT HOLDER:
ACCOUNT NUMBER:
ADDRESS OF BANK:
SWIFT NUMBER:

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of our Manager who was entrusted with PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES. The need for the transfer of the money in the account becomes imperative. We shall be very grateful if this request meets with your favourable consideration

Thanks

Yours faithfully,
(PLEASE ENTER YOUR FULL NAME,ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS)

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 14
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

Hello,

Have you sent the application.Get back to me as soon possible.And also you have not sent me your ID as well.What is happening?

To: UBA
Date: July 14
Subject: Application

Foreign Payment Dept.
United Bank for Africa (PLC)
Enugu,
P.M.B. 1334
E-mail: [email protected]

RELEASE OF US DOLLARS SXTY MILLION,(USD60M) ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 14-255-2004/utb/s of ANDREAS B. SMITH (MANAGER,PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES).

I am hereby writing for the release of the sum of Sixty Million($60M) held in account number 14-255-2004/utb/s of Andreas B. Smith of Petro-Technical Support Services. And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

NAME OF BANK: Scrummage Ruck & Maul Security Banking Pty Ltd
ACCOUNT HOLDER: C M McReid
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 2087-0400-00001-432 ATB
ADDRESS OF BANK: 871 Upper Queen Street, Auckland
SWIFT NUMBER: SRMSNZ2A

This request is predicated on the fact that since the tragic death of our Manager who was entrusted with PETRO-TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES. The need for the transfer of the money in the account becomes imperative. We shall be very grateful if this request meets with your favourable consideration

Thanks

Yours faithfully,

P O Box 58-096
Green Mountain
Aotearoa
Fax +64 9 303 0142

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 14
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

Don't be so dammed impatient Clementine. It took you over two weeks to send me your ID. The world doesn't revolve entirely around your business. There are other things I have to do as well.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 15
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

Look,my name is not Clementine,my name is Clement.I dont have time for all this and i am starting to have feelings that you are not a seroius individual.If you know that you can not move forward with me on this,let me know so that i can stop waisting my time.You cant tell me that ius because i spent two weeks in sending you my ID,that why you cant send the application.

i need to know your stand on this,so that i can know what next step to take.

But Clementine sounds so much nicer...

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 15
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

Clement,

Here is my ID. Please advise what arrangements need to be made from here. Has the bank approved the application yet?

Callum

Sent him my ID

From: UBA
Date: June 16
Subject: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Dear Sir,

Note that we have recieved your application for a Transfer.We are currently going through our old files to authenticate your claims.We will get back to you soon.

Sincerly Yours,

Victoria Ogunbiyi(Mrs)

Head Of Foreign Payment Department(FPD)

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 16
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

OK,Have you sent the application?If you have sent it,as soon you hear from the Bank i will tell what next to do.

The bank and Clementine have got into a habit of sending emails from the same IP within minutes of each other. Wonder why?

From: UBA
Date: June 17
Subject: UBA.Requirement
Attachments: Callum[2].Uba.Req.JPG (0.13 MB)

Dear Sir,

Please see the attchment to see the Documents you are to bring forward before we commence the Transfer of your Money.

Thanks for Banking with United Bank For Africa..the wise choice in Banking.

Sincerly Yours,

Victoria Ogunbiyi(mrs)

Head Of Foreign Payment Department(FPD)

Letter listing what I need to provide

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 18
Subject: The situation

Hello,

What is the situation.have they gotten back to you.

To: UBA
Date: July 18
Subject: RE: UBA.Requirement

Dear Victoria,

I have received your email regarding the requirements for the transfer of the funds.

1) Please note that my bank is Scrummage Ruck & Maul Security Banking Pty Ltd, not Scrummage Ruck & Maul Security Banking Pyt Ltd.

2) What purpose will the court affidavit serve and what should it state?

3) Who do I contact in order to obtain a copy of the death certificate?

4) I will require an itemized invoice for the fund release order.

5) I will bring my passport with me.

Regards,

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 19
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

Please what is happening.Have you heard from the Bank.

Please get back to me ASAP.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 20
Subject: RE: Send the application to the Bank..

I have asked the bank for some more details so that I can make sure I get things right but they haven't replied.

From: UBA
Date: July 21
Subject: RE: UBA.Requirement

Dear Sir,

We have recieved your mail and the answer to your Question.

1.We have taken a look at the Bank Name you gave us and we have taken the correction.Please we are sorry for the Mistake.

2.The court affidavit we state that you are the breal Beneficiary of the Account and also you have applieed for the transfer and met the requirements of the Bank.And note that the Affidavit is to be sworn were the account was operated by a lawyer.This is Because the account was operated here.If yuou need a contact of antorney here who can help you,we can give a contact one,but you will have to foot the Bills your self.

3.About the Death Certificate since you claim that he is the manager of your company before he died you can go to the hopsital were he died to obtain the Death certificate.

4.The fund release order can be paid to the Bank,through our agents.if you are ready to make the paymnet now,you can contact us so that we can give you the contacts of our agents.After making the paynebt through the Bank agents,you will send a copy of proof of the payment either by attachment or by Fax.

5.This will eneable us idetify you and also keep it in our Records.

I hope i have answered your Questions to your satisfaction.

Sincerly Yours,

Victoria Ogunbiyi(Mrs)

Head Foreign payment Departmnet(FPD).

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 21
Subject: What details

What are the Details you asked the Bank,and have they replied you.

Get Back to me.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 22
Subject: Why have you not writen me...

I know that my Bank has goten back to you.What are they asking for?And also what are the details you requested from the Bank.

Do get back to me as soon as possible.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 22
Subject: RE: Why have you not writen me...

I have not replied because I have away on business and the universe is not centered on the UBA. Stop being unreasonable.

To: UBA
Date: July 18
Subject: RE: UBA.Requirement

Dear Victoria,

I'm not sure if Clement has fully informed of the situation or not. Basically something happened earlier involving another member of your bank staff that has made me nervous about dealing with people I don't know. Forgive me for asking this, but could you please send me a copy of your ID card so that I can be assured of your trust.

After that I will get back to you with some details.

Regards,

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 22
Subject: RE: What details

What I ask the bank is not your concern. They have replied sufficiently and I am able to move on. That is all you need to know. You are also very nosey.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 23
Subject: RE: What details

Look,why all the insults.You said i am very unreasonnable now i am nosy,i should'nt have done this with you.I dont know why you sounding this way.
Some times you sound as if you are a serious and sometimes you sound like a "kid".

I dont know what you are trying to do,but believe me it wont work,cos i could stop this transaction stariaght ahead and look for someone else.
Please why dont you be serious for once.

Now you are refusing to tell what the Bank is requesting from you.I need those details so that i can know how we can move forward.Or you tell wether you are still intereted or not.
I hope something fishy is not going on.
do get back to me as soon you read this mail.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 24
Subject: RE: What details

If you truly work at the bank Clement, and are in a position to help this transaction proceed, then you are also in a position where you can find exactly what is going on yourself without my needing to repeat everything to you. The more email sent the greater the chance of someone else finding out, which neither of us want to happen.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 24
Subject: RE: What details

Ok,since this how you want it.I have arlready found out yesterday what the Bank is requesting from you.Any way i can now move forward without your help.I will get the documents my self and also change the account.

The only thing i regret is ever getting into this transaction with you.At first you sounded serious

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 25
Subject: RE: What details

Clement,

What on earth are you on about? All I am trying to do is get all the details of the transaction together so that I can make the appropriate arrangements at my end. You try to insult me by saying I am like a "kid". I take that as a compliment because even a "kid" can understand the need to make sure that everything is above board after the experience I had with Mr Thomas. You are just lucky that my emails tipped you off in the first place otherwise we would have taken the money by now and you would be left to explain things to your boss.

If anything fishy is going on it's not with me. Why ask me what I ask the bank if you have been able to find out so quickly? If you can go ahead without me, then why involve me in the first place? Why have I done everything you have asked me? Why have I provided the details you asked of me? More to the point, why can't your bank provide the additional information I require to get things working at my end?

You say you can proceed on your own, then fine. Go on your own and don't come running to me when it all turns to custard pal.

Up yours,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 25
Subject: RE: What details

I am really soory for the words i used.I was only pissed off because you were not forthcoming with the questions i asked.Each time i ask you a question you seem to be angry.

Any way i will be happy to move forward with you,but i am not happy that you are mentioning my name to the Bank.In your last letter to the bank you mentioned my name,which i dont find funny.

I have seen your letters in the bank,and in your last letter,Mrs.Ogunbiyi cant send you her ID,without the authorisation of the Bank.And since you claim to the Bank that you knew about the fund before you applied for the transfer.So please be considreate while i asking questions to the Bank.

About the requirements the Bank is requesting,i am making arrangements in getting The death certificate,which the Bank is requesting from you.Please if we can trust each other this let move forward.Please stop asking the Bank suspicious questions, so that they can not find out that there is an insider giving you the informations about the deceased account.

The bank will not reply your last mail because i saw it and deleted it,so if there is anything you want you can ask,i hope to answer them to your full satisfaction.

Please all questions should go through me first.

I await your mail ASAP.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: July 27
Subject: RE: What details

i will like to know wht on your mind about this transaction.Are u still interested in goin on with me.Or u still wants us to go on.
Please i i need an answer,so that i can know what next step to take.

Bye,

From: UBA
Date: July 28
Subject: RE: Transfer request

Dear Sir,

We just recieved another application on thesame transfer and account number.The bank has decided that the you both come to the Bank for some few question to know who is really the next of kin to the deceased.Please do show us a proof,by sending us a death certifictate,affidavit(court)and your identification.

You do get back to us to proof tous that you are the next of kin.

Sincerly Yours,

Victoria Ogunbiyi(mrs)

To: UBA
Date: July 28
Subject: RE: Transfer request

Good on him.

From: Wale Thomas
Date: August 3
Subject: Re: Please Stop further contact with my Bank..

Who has the last laugh my friend.any way i am now having the last laugh.They say he who lagh last laughs first.

any way,let me spend my money well "LOSER".

I have alreday handed my Bank my resignation,so thanks for your time my friend.You can tell the bank that Mr.Wale Thomas stole the money.

To: Wale Thomas
Date: August 4
Subject: Re: Please Stop further contact with my Bank..

Oh look, it's Mr Wale again. It's truly amazing what worms crawl out of the ground when it rains. Why don't you go and give your head a nice long soak in a bucket of water. Don't worry about me, I'm laughing enough for the both of us.

Have a nice day you dozey prick.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 18
Subject: What is happening

Clement,

What is happening with this transaction?

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 20
Subject: RE: What is happening

Any way nothing much has beign because of lack of coperation from you.I dont really think you are interested inmaking this transaction a suscess.

Any way i am trying to make arrangement for the transfer,but the Bank wont approve it,unless they hear from that you have appled for the change of Beneficiary and Account.Which requires the power of an attorney,and i dont have the financial cappacity to fund.I am not asking you to help me in that aspect because if you had abide by my insruction i wont be in this mess now.

Please if you are still interested to help,i will be grateful,but if you are not kindly send a letter telling them that you want a change of Beneficiary and also Account,then you allow me worry about the rest.

Please if even if you dont want to reply me,just send a letter to the Bank.I will expecting your coperation.

Thank You

Clement Akpambo

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 21
Subject: Problems?

My darling Clementine,

Having problems are we? I thought you said you could do this all on your own. Finding it a little difficult now are we? How sad. Mr Thomas told me he has already stolen the money so what am I to think about this latest email from you?

And I thought I already told you not to come running to me if it all turned to custard. Well custard is a desert and it seems that is what you are justly getting for your stupid, ungrateful, unreasonable demanding attitude. How a bank could ever employ someone like you in the first place eludes me totally.

If you can prove beyond any doubt that;
a) you can be trusted,
b) you will act professionally instead of as a baby whose dummy has been snatched from its mouth, and
c) that the money still exists
then I may just consider, just maybe, coming to some arrangement. But I can assure you that if that is the case then I certainly will not be putting up with anymore crap from your end, and if you insult, annoy or otherwise upset me then on your head be it.

Maybe some regards but not likely just yet,

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 23
Subject: RE: Problems?

i know you said i should not come running to you wen thihigs come tumbling.And what amuses is that you said that mr.thomas said that he has stolen which i find rather absurd.

any way i will swallow my pride and take it as a compliment.about proofing that the money is still in bank,look your name and contact is with the Bank ad you applied for the transfer your self and the wouldnt approve it unless they hear from.so you can call the bank or send them an email concerning the transfer of the money.

I will like to know what is it that you want me to do so that i can we can have the money transfered,but what makes worry is the way you sound sometimes which makes me scared that what if is the money transfered to your account will you send me my own share of the money.I have gotten the death certificate like i told you,all we need now is to get the affidavit which is worn by lawyers and also the Bank fees.
please just tell me what is it that you want,then i will see if i can do it.and more thing my name is not "clementine"my name is Clement".please i will prefer you call me by name and stop addressing me as clementine.i wonder if you are a "rotarian".

i will be expecting your mail.

He doesn;t he can trust me? Surely not! If you have any idea why I am a "rotarian", please let me know...

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 24
Subject: Problems?

I will get back to you shortly

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 30
Subject: Time To Get Serious

Clement,

You said you have the death certificate. Prove it and we can talk.

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: August 23
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

You can find the death certificate attached to this email.

Clement Akpambo

Ta da! Here it is

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 9
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

Clement,

I have been away for work but am now back. I see that you have produced a copy of the death certificate just as you said you would. At least this is a start. Maybe this will work after all.

I have two questions though;

1) 'hemorphage' is not a word that appears in my dictionary. What does the doctor mean?

2) I was led to believe that Mr Smith died on KAL flight 801, which smashed into a hill on Guam island on August the 6th 1997. Now it seems he died 6 1/2 years earlier on January the 2nd 1990 in Enugu Nigeria. Are we talking about the same Mr Smith or has there been a mix up?

Whatever the case we need to make sure our story is straight for the bank. What do you suggest?

Callum.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 10
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

Dear Friend,

I am not a medical Doctor to know what 'hemorphage' means.Just dont worry all the Bank needs is just a proof of death certificate and also all the neccessary document.

Just send it to the bank and tell them the rest will get to them soon.Please i will like to know what ar you doing about the Bank Fees,beacuse that my only Head Ache now.please just trust me on This.

I await your Mail ASAP.

Clement

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 10
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

Clement,

But what about the difference in dates? If i could find this out so easily, what will prevent the bank from finding out? Then they could stop the whole thing.

Who do I send to at the bank. The last time I sent anything to the bank you went ballistic.

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 11
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

Dear Callum,

In your application for a transfer to the Bank,did you tell the Bank that the deceased died in a plane crash,or the deceased died on a specified date.
Just trust me on this,they will have to go the hospiotal were i got the Death certificate to confirm that if such person died at the Hospital,which is already taken care of,so you dont need to worry at all about it.

So just do as i said,and you will see were i am heading to.Do get back to me,so that i can know how we can get the rest of the document and the fees that the Bank requires.If you have any suggestion just do let me know.
Please my only headache now is the Bank fees.I will be expecting your mail ASAP.

Clement

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 11
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

Clement,

Did you not read my last email? You have not answered my question, who do I contact at the bank? I have no intention of going through the whole "why did you contact this person, what did you tell them" winge winge moan moan routine again because you can't tell me who I should contact and thejn get all upset when I do contact someone like you did last time.

Get with it.

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 12
Subject: RE: Time To Get Serious

You are address your letters to the Foreign Payment Department Of the Bank.I want to know how you want us to go about the Bank Fees?

Please do get Back to me.

Clement

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 12
Subject: Letters to Bank

Clement,

I can address the letters to the moon if I like, but what is the flippin' email address to send them too???

As far as bank fees go, once the bank has proved that I can trust them, then we can consider the options.

Callum

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 14
Subject: RE: Letters to Bank

I thought you have the email address already.This is the email [email protected]
I dont understand by what you mean as far the Bank can proof that you can trust then we can discuss the options.Which options are you talking about?

i will be waiting for your mail ASAP.

Clement.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 16
Subject: Affidavit

You said we need an affidavit worn by lawyers (I thought they worn gowns, but anyway).

So go get one.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 16
Subject: RE: Affidavit

ok bye.I dont need your help any longer.Thanks for your time.

To: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 16
Subject: RE: Affidavit

Clementine Clementine Clementine you are such a bloody moron. You have the intelligence of freshly passed monkey shit. I suspect that your father was a rabid leprosy carrying hyena and your mother an albino hippotamus with a sweat gland problem. The stench of your lies has spread around the earth and we laugh at your penile inadequancy. A three year old child can vomit better than you can scam, you stupid sister loving mugu. May a wildebeest's horn penetrate you deeply and a thousand orangutans piss on your grave.

From: Clement Akpambo
Date: September 17
Subject: RE: Affidavit

Thank you very much for everything.Have a lovely day.

Oh, isn't he sweet... Must slap harder next time.

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 2:44 pm

LOL, that's great, what to make a film named Clementine you are such a bloody moron Rolling Eyes

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:28 am

He sent me xmas greetings...

Quote:

Mbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee MERY XMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

ONYE URU.EWU,MAMA REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OKPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOJOOOOOOOOOOOOOJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So I sent some of my own back...

Quote:

My dearest friend and best buddy Clementine with the pretty dress, you have no idea how much joy it brings to my heart to hear from you again and to know that you do truly care about me. Your friendship is quite touching so allow me to express from the depths of my heart my true appreciation for all that you mean to me.

In fact I care for you so much I have asked a Nigerian friend of mine to help me express my feelings so that it will mean just that little bit more to you. I hope I have copied it down correctly.

Nne gi na ra mkpuru amu, nne gi na ra amu m

Nkita rakwa otu nne gi.

Uchu gba kwa gi ,onye aji ike nsi,ihere adighi eme gi,otule di ka gi.

Have a lovely day and may the clique mob stuff your fundamental orifice with mistletoe and the wood of dead before the wildebeest gets you.

PS. We'll meet again asshole

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