Bad Mother...

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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:50 pm

Here, have one Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:29 am

I want!!!!!

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:46 am

Me too Me too

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:30 am

^^^
Me too! I'm also a big fan of your baits, Phil Yerboots ! Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 8:46 am

Thanks everyone - that really made me laugh and cheered me up no end. Terror, what can I say? Embarassed

I am extremely flattered but please remove at once the "un" part of "unofficial" from your new siggy Wink

Jeanette, packman, Sweet Poetry, Fartina, cheers! Much appreciated.

And it got me thinking. I began baiting because of two people who inspired a generation now, sadly, retired. I speak in reverent tones of the Spooner's. Cathartic Kate and MurrayGuru and their infamous mansion. They were always generous with the booze and snacks and pool inflatables and one day on opening their refridgerator - to fetch a cold beer - I noticed the portal to the underworld which is where I now happily reside.
So in the grand tradition of MUD's (younger baiters, ask your grandparent's or better still read the amazing "my tiny life" by Julian Dibble) you're all invited for a visit anytime you like. Obviously it's always nice and warm down here. We have all the best tunes. Mr B L Z Bubb puts on a Rock and Metal show once a week (the pyrotechnics are outstanding) and a lad roast every Sunday. The antechambers and niches are large and accommodating and furnished with a range of stuffed heads and skins in a Safari-theme. Some rooms are unexplored so have a look around, make yourself at home.
There's a free, 24hr all-you-can-eat BBQ - try the Ghanain Gonads they're small but surprisingly moreish, drinks are on the house - we do cocktails and I recommend The Impaler - Absinthe, tomato juice and Vlad tears. We do have guest rooms if you need to sleep over. All ensuite with hot running
mugus at your beck and call.

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:04 am

Ah. NOW it feels like home. Looking to add a few decorations myself, Terror Mask style Twisted Evil

Count me is as a regular Wink

How's my favorite Annie Wilkes lookalike, Doughnut? Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:28 am

Welcome Terror! Nice to see you down here. Pull up a chair made of lad skulls and bones. I think you should be in charge of the VIP area - open to all but curtained off for privacy. Decorate it in whatever manner you see fit!

As for Doughnut? Well, she's not too impressed with Mike for being a "Dirty Birdy" and using all those naughty words but she forgives him because she loves him and wants him to be with her FOREVER AND EVER. Now. Where's that blowtorch? Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:31 am

Here, mate.

Blowtorch, bag of sand, cutting scalpel and forceps Twisted Evil

I'll be sure to record the outcome for Saturday's show while preparing my latest experiment. Who said that dead girls get no love? Wink

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:36 pm

RL intervenes for a day and I find there's a fan club???

I hope I'm worthy of at least a membership! Wink

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:37 pm

Uh, Chrys, you're one of the idolized objects Very Happy

Look at my siggy Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:25 pm

I did, but I'm too cynical to believe it (until I get the MTCN of course). Nice to see you're the President, can I be the treasurer who embezzles all the cash??? Wink

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:28 pm

Ask Phil, he's the one in charge of the money Very Happy

I'm just here to shed blood Razz

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 3:35 pm

At least with Phil, it's 100% risky free!

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:36 am

100% risky free? Read the small print, chaps. no refunds. your sanity may be at risk if you fall behind with real work while baiting.

Mike sent a letter:

Quote:

Wow... I am really impressed that you so did appreciated the previous message, anyways, how is the going with you and I hope everything is smooth, well, I have talked to Susan and she has promised to be a good girl but still expecting to see you soon.

I will write you when I go on break, okay?

But it turns out Doughnut wasn't as impressed as he may have once thought:

Quote:

Hi Mike. I really did appreciate the messages. I appreciate every message from you sweetheart. I did have one problem with one of your letters though, and that was your use of explict and profane words. I know you are a rugged man of the world but to be honest a real lady, ANY lady would be shocked and a little horrified at your liberal use of rude words.

You may have noticed that I never use any language that may cause offence apart from one time when you made me angry and certainly never to describe the beautiful act of love-making.

I would really like to receive another sexy letter from you but you should call the thing between your legs a DINKLE, in my bra I have two large COBS which when you get me excited have hard BUDS, between my legs I have a flower or DANDELION and my - I'm embarassed to say it but I want you to have every part of me - my bottom hole should be called my DIRTY BIRDY.

I hope you don't mind me telling you these things, Mike. I wouldn't change you for the world but I felt it is important to educate you how to talk to a proper lady so that we can enjoy a beautiful and fulfilling sex life together.

Your wifey for lifey,

Doughnut XXXXX

Little Susan gets this inspiring life-lesson:

Quote:

Dear little Susan.

This is Mummy Doughnut. I am sorry but I have to have some strong words with you. Daddy told me that you tried to commit suicide recently. I suppose that is why you haven't written to me in a while. Firstly, Susan, taking your own life is one thing, A SIN IN THE EYES OF GOD, but trying to take your own life and then not actually doing it is A FAIL!!

I know you are lonely and bored of being at the Hotel but darling I asked your Daddy if I could come and get you so that you could live with me and help me with my day to day chores. The commode often needs emptying twice a day and it's the biggest one the company makes - The Goliath - 12 gallon capacity. Anyway he didn't say anything at all about you staying with me until he gets back from making the Super Crystal Hotel. I sometimes wonder if your Daddy loves you as much as I do. Which is sad because your old mummy didn't love you either.

Talk to Daddy and see what he says. If he says he doesn't want you to leave the hotel and be with me I would see that as proof that he doesn't really care about you.

Sleep tight my little darling. Sweet dreams.

Your Super-Mummy Doughnut XXXX

I am still amazed at Mike's patience. He's hinted that all is not well financially but still no demands? When he knows that Doughnut is sitting on her piles? (of money)!

Can't be long now I reckon. Very Happy

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 11:26 am

Of course, Terror Mask gets "No. 0001".

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:33 pm

Oh Jeanette. That is too funny. Please make yourself comfortable on this chaise longue covered in mugu hair. I'll fix you our house special cocktail. It's called a "Sexxy on the Beech". Rum, Guava juice and pulped hearts"

Your optimism with the numbering system is humbling. Very Happy

Lots of love Phil X

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Can I get the double knot 3? I'm a big fan of both of you!

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:14 pm

^^^ Here you are:

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21158

Thank you Jeannette! I promise to resist all temptation to molest Doughnut, or at least wait until noone is watching!

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 8:40 pm

Jeannette,
I'm very disappointed with you! Where is mine? Crying or Very sad

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:17 am

Jeanette, you have spawned a monster! Very Happy

Quick, put it back in it's cage.

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:36 am

Alright, I'll post Sweet Poetry's membership card in one of her threads. Embarassed

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:55 pm

Ahh Jeanette! That's not what I meant, sorry. I think what you've done is charming. I was just worried that you'd made work for yourself in a "rod for your own back" kind of way.

Nice photochopping btw! I think Chrys and I make a lovely couple Very Happy

Love Phil X

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:59 pm

A couple from hell ! I'm even jealous! Wink

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 7:57 am

A couple from hell is right! I should ask for one of those ID thingys as well Smile