Bad Mother...

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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:11 am

Of course he'll have one! Very Happy

And then another, and another, and another one.

Until a nervous breakdown Razz

Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:08 am

Lazy Mike is still telling me that I'm the air that he breathes. Let's see if some bad news shakes him off the script.

I write:

Quote:

Sorry I haven't written for a while. O Mike. Poor granny died. Iam so sad and upset. I was her only family. I have to go and arrange the funeral and sort out her things and speak to the lawyer about the estate and the will and everything. O mike I wish you were here to help and comfort me and help me off the sofa and into the car.

I'll be in touch as soon as I can.

I love you Mike so much. You are everything to me too.

Love Doughnut XXXX

I also send a message to Susan:

Quote:

Hi my darling susan,

Mummy can't really talk much now because mummy's granny has died. And so at the moment it's all about how mummy feels and what mummy needs and not what little susan wants. Despite what your daddy might say a little girl whose mother leaves her must be a naughty little biscuit who deserves to be put outside in the rain until she's all soggy and wet with a 70 - 80% chance of catching pnemonia. Ok?

Lots of love from Mummy Doughnut

XXX

And he replies:

Quote:

Aww... What a great lost and bitter experience! Baby, sorry about it... I pray her gentle soul rest in perfect peace, okay? You do not have to let it weigh you down, Dear, you just have to try and get over, I know it hard, though.

Anyways... I have spoken with Susan about it and she has not been eating well since I let her know about it. Well, you just have to take heart and accept it as fate, God gives and takes... and I wished I am there with you now, I love you so much.

Mike

Well he can take his crocodile tears and feigned sympathy and stick them where the sun don't shine! Let's hope he sticks his foot in the bear trap I'm planning to lay… Twisted Evil

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:06 am

I haven't been in touch with Mike for a while so he sends a plaintive:

Quote:

I love you. I love every little thing about you.i can't stop thinking about you.You mean the world to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. honey have not been hear from you hope all is well with you am missed you so much.,

Love You so much

Your Daughter is here Crying She really missed you

Mike

I reply:

Quote:

Hello Mike.

Thankyou so much for the letter. It really meant a lot to me. I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch for a while but I know you understand. I'm in Cornwall at the moment staying in Granny's cottage by the sea. There has been so much to sort out. She had twelve cats!!. Granny's funeral is tomorrow and she said in her will she wanted to be buried at sea like a sailor. Poor Granny she was mad. I don't think that's even possible unless you're in the Navy so we're going to cremate her instead.
After the funeral I have to go to the solicitor and find out what her estate was worth. So sad but I think she may have left everything to me. I will try and email you again but I may have to sort out a few more things here.
I love you Mike. You are the one thing that is keeping me strong through all this. I have benn eating more than usual especially frozen cheesecakes which sometimes haven't even defrosted. I hope the coastguard will be able to airlift me back home.

Your wife in love

Doughnut. XXX

PS Please pass this letter on to poor little crying Susan.

Dear Susan.

Don't cry my little sweet daughter. I haven't cried and my Granny is dead. Crying is a sign of weakness and you need to be strong for me and Daddy. So snap out of it you little hussy, dry your tears and think about all the poor people in the world who have nobody whereas you have me and Daddy so be grateful or you'll have to stand in the corner with a saucepan on your head which I will periodically bang with a wooden spoon.

I love you, Susan

Your Mummy Doughnut XXX

Mike's probably already licking his lips and rubbing his hands together. Fool!

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 1:33 pm

Woohoo! Cornwall, the British Riviera! This must be a very valuable cottage indeed. Laughing

Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:24 am

Phil Yerboots wrote:

so be grateful or you'll have to stand in the corner with a saucepan on your head which I will periodically bang with a wooden spoon.

Do you have SHARES in Computer monitors??? Yet again, I need a new one!!!

Too good!

Chrys

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:54 pm

@Jeanette - You know it baby! Cornwall is like St Tropez only with more wind and shipwrecks!

@Chrys - I don't have shares in monitor screens but I have a patent pending on a spit/coffee guard which protects the screen from reading these forums! Essentially a pair of old tights/pantyhose (for our international cousins) stretched over a coat hanger that you attach to your own head, But marketable, I feel.

Mike says it's time to talk MONEY and wow! It's a hell of a lot. He's not shy:

Quote:

It has not been easy any more... It is even unbearable for me to cope with, I mean it. I am in debt, staff are no longer working, they all want to quit, why? Because, I can not afford to pay up outstanding bills that I owe, can you just imagine it.

Anyways... I think I now need not to hide this from you any more... $5,570.00 [ Shocked

whatever happened to 390 euros? That must have been the good old days. I blame the economy]only is all I need at the moment to execute the project on ground and I do not mind in any way you could be of asistance to me... Though, I know things have not been working out as planned by you, I can understand what you are going through about Granny... But, which ever way that you could, please, do because it urgent.

Ooo, my bad... How are you? Hope you are alright! Well, I will be patiently waiting to hear from you, Mike.

Of course Doughnut has bags to spare:

Quote:

My dearest darling Mike of the whole world,

I am now back home after Granny's funeral. It was horrible Mike. We should have thrown her into the sea like she wanted. First, the vicar was obviously drunk he didn't even get her name right. He was supposed to say we commit Betty Ivy Chantelle Startz to almighty God. Instead he said We commit Bob Henry Fartz to the grave. He got the next person mixed up with Granny. It was so embarrasing. Nobody even said anything. I cried and cried. Then when the coffin was supposed to be desending it got stuck and someone had to climb on top and give it a good kick. Oh Mike it was horrible.
But the good news Granny Betty has left me everythng. The cottage in the Cornwall Riveria, all her money and the cats. They're being put down. So you don't need to woory about your debts I can pay them off for you. I will do anyting and I mean anything so that we can be together. It will take about one wek or two for the money from Granny to be transferred to me but after that I can pay off everything so don't worry.

I love you Mike. I can't wait for us to be together. You won't even have to work again unless you want to. I won't say how much Granny left me but it's a lot!

I love you darling Mike.

Doughnut XXXX

PS Please ask susan to write to me I feel that she has been neglected recently which is probably as much as she deserves but I want to know that she is ok.

I hope Mike gets a hard-on over the prospect of a 5 grand pay-day. I intend to bite it off.

Love Phil X

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:13 am

Almost perfect Very Happy

An idea: have the cats run amok on the clinic, so you have to pay for the damages done as a delay tactic. And then you have to take them home, and they start driving you insane, paranoia kicks in and they're OBVIOUSLY trying to kill you at Granny's behest (you tried to put down her beloved kitties - VENGEANCE!) Very Happy

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:40 am

Funny you should mention that terror. A few years back, a crazy old woman used to live in this block of flats I live in. She had two cats, both completely feral, and she once pulled out a knife and threatened to kill me 'cos I had threatened her "kids". And what did I say?

"I don't have the patience to look after a cat"!

she got carted off to the loony bin a year or so later, my neighbour had the ferals taken away

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:13 am

I can understand.
When I lived with my now ex) girlfriend, we had three cats. They were like our children: anything and anyone which would approach with less than absolutely peaceful and loving intentions towards them would be instantly ripped to shreds.
By us.
Slowly.

BTW, she still has our wonderful kitties. They are doing well and I check on them regularly Smile

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:12 pm

I don't know. TERROR mask? InternationalCHRYSIS? Start talking about the kitty-kats and you go all mushy. Very Happy

Poor old Mike. He made the mistake of emailing me while I was attending to my swollen box so he had to engage in a series of emails with Doughnut. Needless to say, despite Mike's best intentions, it didn't go well…

MIKE: Well, I had a deep breath when I read the letter because I was a little bit relieved but if I must confess... I am still doubting if you would be of assistance because you only promised and if possible that you would, then... Forever, I will always love you because no lady has ever loved me like you do.

Anyways, I am sorry for getting back late at you... It is due to the nature of what I do which is very open to you... Hoping to hear a nice response from you while I get back to work.

DOUGHNUT: Mike I'm here at the computer if you're still there send me a message. I love you Mike.

You have nothing to worry about.

Doughnut XXX

M: I am here... Just worried because all workers seem not to be working since yesterday... I am running out of patience, anyways, how soon do you intend to assist me?

D: Oh Mike. I'm so glad you're there. Did you get my special photo I sent you?

M: Yes... It was really nice and I like it. Now, guess what! I am sure you can not guess right... I just downloaded the wonderful picture and everyone here are admiring it but I am not letting them see it.

Write back, Mike.

D: Oh Mike don't show everyone my buds they're just for you my love. I would be so embarassed if anyone else saw them. I haven't shown anyone the picture you sent to me of your dingle!!

M: Sure... I will never show anyone else such, it is only meant for me; Mike and none other man, trust me.

Anyways, what are you talking about getting me the $5,570.00 that I talked about because it is now like a pain in my neck... Workers are no longer working, the delay is too much and this is getting out of hand.

D: Mike honestly you don't need to worry granny left me everything in her will. I can take care of it all. I just want you to be happy.
Oh Mike my whole big body wants you my love. My flower has been so lonely. I want you to be with me. I've missed you so much. Don't worry about the money for now tell me how much you want me I need to hear those words.

Doughnut XXXXXXX

M: But, sincerely... You know I can not be happy with the way things are not working out fine but what you know so well is that I love you so very much... Each day can never pass me by without a thought of you in my head... Just wished I am there with you, holding arms together and making love to you like no man has ever done...

And, on a more serious note... Susan is going crazy about you, she just do not ever want to let me have my time without telling her about you, now, you should be convinced how we love you... Believe me, I love you, I care and I have missed you so much.

Write back, Mike.

D: Oh Mike the thought of you making love to me like no man has ever done is so sweet. To be honest Mike no man has ever made love to me. You would be the first which is why I can't bear the thought of not holding you in my giant arms.
Little susan does not need to be afraid I love her as if she was my own daughter. I will take care of her and make sure she grows up to be happy, healthy and in a special school run by nuns who know how to help children who have problems like hers.

Mike you can be happy now you don't need to feel pressure. Unless it's the pressure of my weighty body pressing you to the bed.

Mike I want you so much in a physical way. Do you still want me now you know I'm not very experienced in how to pleasure a man?

Doughnut XXX

M: You just have to believe me, I will always love you... Mike.

D: Mike I do believe you I do. I just feel so alone since Granny died. I need your comforting words. If that is all you have to say then I am worried. That doesn't sound like a man who want to make love to me and for me to be the new super mummy to little Susan. You sound like a man who is too busy for me.

doughnut x

M: No... You are not getting me right, why should you have said such a thing? I love and I care so much about you, when will you ever believe me? Now, you are telling me that I am sounding like a busy man, what you know is that I can never do without you and I mean it...

And, come to think about it for a second, I abandoned my office, talking to you because of the feelings I have for you, just imagine it, anyways, I will soon close from the office now.

D: Ok Mike. No need to be angry with me.I can tell by the tone in your letter. I only love you more than life, am happy to be the new super mummy to your jezebel daughter Susan and offer to pay off all your debts for you. Over £5000!! Sorry I bothered you.Sorry I made you leave your office.

Don't bother if it's so difficult for you to tell me you want me. I have NEVER, NEVER told ANYONE that I am still a virgin and you didn't even mention it. I am so ashamed. I gave you my deepest secret and you didn't say anything about it.

I'm going now to eat five deep pan pizzas. Even the crusts.

kiss little susan for me. No kisses for you.

Doughnut

M: Now on my way home, make sure you write me... I will reply when I get home, take care, I love you so much, Mike.

D: Go away. Leave me alone

D: Now I need some fucking COOKIES!!!!!

I expect a full apology and then soothing, loving words that show how much he values me giving him my unused special flower. If he can find it.

Love Phil X

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:24 pm

Ahhh, I wish I were a lesbian, just for doughnut.

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:42 pm

Jeanette, Mike may have Doughnut's ample, fleshy body but her poor strained heart and fractured mind are all yours. Wink

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:36 pm

Gwah

Another masterpiece by Doughnut Very Happy

I almost feel sorry for Mike. NOT Twisted Evil

And Phil, don't you know that every evil overlord has a weakness? Razz

Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:52 am

Quote:

Phil, don't you know that every evil overlord has a weakness?

Thanks, Terror. I'll be alright. When I was dipped in the River Styx my mum held me by my dinkle.

Mike gets the wrong end of the stick when Doughnut said she wanted fucking cookies.

Quote:

Honey i promise to be there with you in person am just thinking how to fuck you on bed now i love you so much with all my heart and soul i can't just do without you anymore my love

i Love You So Much
Mike

Meh. I let that pass because his email subject says "Good Morning Love…am ver sorry"

Quote:

Honey You Know i can't do without you am here just thinking of u i wish am thee with you now, i love you so much.. Than i Promise too never Let You Down Believe me Okay

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY WIFE

Honey The You Know why i get off yesterday the motel manager Call me on phone and tell me that Susan is crying But i don't want too tell You.Honey u know i love you so much and i can't sleep without You i can't eat without.. Oh My God i Love You so much baby

Honey Susan is worrying about You She Love You so much, she can't wait too meet You
Mike

I reply:

Quote:

Good morning Mike. I'm very sorry too. I didn't want to fight with you or be angry with you but you hurt me very much.

I told you I was a virgin and you didn't say anything. I was telling you that my flower petals had never been opened and you said not one word. Darling I wanted to hear you say "Doughnut. That is beautiful that I will be your first man I will treat you like a woman who has never had a man should be treated. I will teach you all the many ways of love-making and it will be special. We will do every page of the Karma Suitsya I will give you Doggy, Catty, Monkey and the Thrusting Armadillo."
Things like that, Mike. I'm not an expert obviously but things like that would have been nice to hear!!!

Anyway I can't be angry at you for long because I love you too much. Your Doughnut wants her Mikey very badly. The money from Granny's will is due to be transferred soon so don't worry about anything ok? Everything's going to be fine when you can get here and move into my specially-adapted home with me.

Now. About Susan. I can't bear for her to be crying like a baby all the time. She needs her new super-mummy. Mike it is no longer best for little Susan that she is still staying at that Hotel. She must come and live with me until you get here. Susan obviously loves me and needs me and I am mildly tolerant of her too. I want you to tell Susan to pack her little bag and I will go to the hotel and get her. And tell her not to cry or she'll be thumbing her way to Nigeria from the M25.

I love you Mike. With every square foot of my atrophying body,

Your Doughnut XXXX

I'll be interested to learn why I can't collect Susan from the hotel especially as we're both in the UK. I've been saving that as he mentioned it in his first emails at the beginning of February. Time for Mike to do some back-pedalling!

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:00 am

It is me, or you're starting to push on the creepy lever harder lately? Very Happy

Doughnut makes me....uneasy, sometimes Very Happy

Time for Mike to be Sheherazade for himself, perhaps? Wink

Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:12 am

Ha! Terror, I haven't even GOT to the lever yet!
Doughnut makes YOU uneasy? What about me? I have to write the bloody stuff!
And as for Mike being Sheherazade, he can spin any tale he likes I'll still cut his head off in the morning.

Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:00 pm

^^^

"I've got to RINSE!" Very Happy

*chop*

Annie Wilkes, our lovable psycho Very Happy

Anyhow, I look forward to the next dive down. I'll watch Videodrome a couple times to get in the mood Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:27 am

Ahh Mike is all apologies and unprompted NSFW sex talk. He cuts and pastes random love sentiments and pornographic outbursts with all the skill of a surgeon using a lump hammer:

Quote:

Honey i Love You so much, am just thinking deaming of you i wish am there with You To take care of you. Honey Know Need Of worrying i will be there with You in person, i can't wait too Fuck You On Bed, i can't wait To spend the rest of my Life with You, Honey when i get there i will always making You Happy i will never do anything To Let You Down

Why do I love you? Because you are and always have been my dream."
When I miss you, I don't have to go far ... I just have to look inside my heart because that's where I'll find you.
honey everthing Will be Fine ,be Good, when i get there with you in person.. i can't wait too fuck You Hard Okay

Just be happy mike will be there with You

You complete me. You mean the world to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one I've always wished for. I never thought that I would ever meet someone as special as you. i Love You with all my heart
Today I promise you that I would do anything in my power to make you a great woman..
I am just writing to show the world how much I love you. and How ,much i do crae about You..
I could not imagine what my life would be like without you. I know that I don't want to even imagine. You have touched my heart in ways no one could ever comprehend. I love being with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.I want to be with you for the rest of your life, and I hope you feel the same. If only you knew how much I want to stay in your life.
A million times I love you and a million times I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you Yesterday Okay am very sorry My Love,, Please try and find it in your heart to forgive Okay Missed You so much..

And i just want you to know that Your daughter Susan is missed You also

Love You so muchwith all my heart and Soul

I promise I will make it up to you. I promise I will make the sun shine for us.. Than i promise too always makimg You Happy Till The End Of My Lifge. i can'y just wait to Fuck You and sleep with You,,,,

Honey Be Good.. And take care of your self for me..

Mike

Followed by:

Quote:

! I love you so much, Baby

I hope that you can forgive me and accept me as I am. I love you always and forever and I'm really sorry.
. I really want to be with you In Person

Ha! he is really sorry (he nearly lost a prime victim)

WARNING. The next letter is sexually graphic:

Quote:

Ooh, at your age, it is so unbelievable that you still remain a virgin, wow, it is wonderful... Anyways, well done for keeping it for me because when I get to set my eyes on you and being your first time, I will definitely hit you real hard... Sure you would cry for mercy...

It has been long I had sex too but it does not mean I will not strike on you like I have always did... And, instead... You will beg me to stop it and hit a lower key because I will really fuck you mercilessly hard, aww! And, I will make your [word so strong it gets automatically deleted from the post!] turn red while my stubborn strong dick will keep chasing...

Well, now... About Susan, she keep telling me she wants you... Ever imagined what your absence in her life had turned her into? In case you care to know, she almost committed suicide, secretly yesterday's night in her bedroom, it baffles me and I never wanted such... Anyways, what she told me is that she wants to come over to you... She wants to see you in person...

I tried every thing possible to convince her that you two would get to see soon, she is no more concentrating in class... But, I have assured her, we will all live together pretty soon and I hope you are not doing what I am not doing over here because I am all for you, I love you more than you could ever imagine.

Write back, Mike.

Little Susan gets in on the act too:

Quote:

Is it true we would be coming over to meet you next two weeks? Because, it was what Dad said to calm me yesterday. Well, if truely it is, then, we will be meeting in two weeks time because I can no longer keep waiting, hoping and expecting that very day to come. Anyways, I was forced to go to school today and I hope to hear back from you, Susan.

Then more pasted love crap with his own words at the end:

Quote:

Your baby susan is missed you so much.. She can't bear it anymore

Take Care Of Your Self Than Have A LoveLy Sleep We are going Too bed

Byeee For Now

Which was accompanied by so many little rose images google mail had to clip the message!
And finally:

Quote:

Good Morning My Wife, How are you doing Hope you sleep well, i can't sleep well just dreaming thinking of you my love wish am there with You in Bed
Love You So Much..

Missed You Love
Mike

What a lot or work for my love-lorn lad!! All is forgiven:

Quote:

Good morning my wonderful husband.

Oh Mike thank you so much for all the beautiful letters you have sent since we had our fight. They mean very much to me. Darling your wonderful words are like poetry. I like the sound of your stubborn strong dingle hitting my lower key. So sexy and romantic!! You really know how to charm a lady! And it's very nice of you to say you don't believe I'm a virgin but it's true. You are the first man to really show an interest in me - most men are put off by my size but you obviously see the tiny woman in me struggling to get out of the acres of gargantuan flesh.

Darling about Susan. I am very worried. How did she try to commit suicide? You must tell me what she did and how she tried to do it. It is very important that I know so that I can write her a letter to help her.

We will be together as a family soon, I know. You will have everything you and little Susan need to start a new life with me as my huband and full-time carer.

I LOVE YOU MIKEY!! YOUR BIG DOUGHNUT AWAITS!!

Doughnut XXXX

Poor Susan. Who will think of the children?

Love Phil X

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 5:04 pm

Great Bait. I hope that you are in his dreams (nightmares). :yikes:

- keep up the great work and keep him from true victims by taking up his time and dreams of money.

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 5:22 pm

Thanks Josey! I really appreciate the comment. I think I'll be able to string this one out. I'd also like to give a little cheer for myself - as I need it at the moment - for being able to add another piggy to my signature. Just sent bank details to Alan from an ongoing bait that involves a lot of Yahell chat which is why it's unposted. yay for me.

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Mar 2011 Posts: 128

hi Phil
to read this makes my heart laugh and it can heal. (has been hurt by a scammer)
Thank you so much- and all the others as well...

Rose

PS. And the nasty part in me has fun... Wink

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:00 pm

Orange Rose, thank you. You just made me almost cry. Baiters have feelings too, you know. Although I usually keep mine pretty hidden. If any of my baits and posts have helped you even just a little bit then it's all worthwhile.

Lots of love,

Phil X

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:10 pm

Phil they say laughter is the best Medicine.well my heart is feeling pretty good now sitting here in my hospital room reading this. I have really enjoyed it and keep it up ... great job.

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:18 pm

The Phil fan club rises to greatness! Very Happy

*starts distributing membership cards* Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 6:46 pm

*pipes up* I want one, too!