Bad Mother...

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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:50 am

You gotta love a good nickname. I got away with calling one of my lads a NONCE (as a term of affection of course)!

good times, good times Smile

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 8:43 am

^^

I like nicknames too. It also makes it easier for me to remember who I'm dealing with. Good times indeed, my friend. Because Mike has written to Doughnut! Mostly rehashed format but still…another stick to beat him with.

Quote:

Dear Sweetheart,

I miss you so much. I can't convince you how much I miss you. You know that I can't stay without your for one minute! I feel I'm going to die without you if you don't come to me one day. But I'm passing 2 months [try 5 months buster!]without you. God knows how I'm passing my days. [sat in a hot intrenet cafe that smells of farts?]Where have you been without me? Please come back to me otherwise it feels like I will die. Please, please, please come back to me, my heart, I am so alone without you. I love you so much ... I love you more and more than my life.

Hi, Baby Bear. [lazy lad - pasting someone else's format]You're always lighting up my heart with the things you do and say. I feel so happy just being with you this way. You're my baby, and will forever be my baby. You will always be the love of my life, and please never give up, always have faith in yourself and you will be fine honey i love you so much.

My love, I can not stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially tonight) it just becomes too much to bear. I can not sleep tonight from thinking of you.

I'm going to wait on this reply. But Doughnut WILL be in touch soon.

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:03 pm

The suspense - I can't bear it. Answer him soon, please!

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 8:20 pm

Poor Mike... his love and dedication to his true love is very touching... Laughing

Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:55 am

^^Isn't it just, Cosette. Very touching. I wish I could say the same for Muppet. All she seems interested in is Doughnut's health. I wonder why? Very Happy

Quote:

I know this may sound cliché' but to be honest you changed my life. From the moment I saw you I knew you were a gift from God. You constantly shower me with unconditional love and you always understand my shortcomings without criticism. Just looking at you is enough to make me happy. My life is now full of promise, every day is worth looking forward to, and it’s all because of you. You made me become a better person. I never thought I could love someone the way I love you now. I know you hear this all the time, but I want to tell you again and again that I truly love you and my life would never be the same without you. I miss you every day.

Love always,

And how is ur Ex wife now hope she getting better now

Malivs

Bulldog replies:

Quote:

hi muppet!

what does cliche mean?

u keep using all these fancy words what i dont know. i hope u dont think im stupid.

as for my ex-wife who cares? i hope she dont get better becos then i probably wont see any of her money. don't u get it muppet? its better for us if she dies becos then i will try and get everything from her will. she's got over a million pounds baby. enogh for us to go on holidays and drive a ferrari and get totally bling, innit! LOL

love Bulldog X

I don't know if Muppet is interested in Bulldog at all. I think she's only after his Doughnut news!

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:25 am

Now Muppet wants to meet! Hope she's still in the "Untied Kingdom" but I somehow doubt it.

She writes:

Quote:

SUBJECT HEADER - I can't wait again [ Very Happy

]

Baby how are we going to meet in person let get to meet now i can't wait to meet you now i can't stop loving thinking of you baby i wish am there with you to always take good care of you and always making you happy so how are we going to meet Them tell me i Love You so much

Malivs Love

Bulldog replies:

Quote:

Hi muppet.

i'm back home now so here is a photo of me [nasty looking shaven-headed football hooligan] hope u like what u see. as for meeting well where are u? where do u live? it would be cool to see u. maybe we can go out for a pint and after u ccan stay at my gaff. what sort of stuff do u like to do? if u love me do u think we would be able to have a shag on our first date? i would be well up for it. u are lovely and i would really like to give u a good pounding.

love bulldog

He's charming. How could Muppet resist a good pounding from someone who looks like a bald Neanderthal?

Love Phil X

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 3:04 pm

Phil Yerboots wrote:

How could Muppet resist a good pounding from someone who looks like a bald Neanderthal?

HEY! I don't remember getting an invite to this Wink

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 8:40 am

^^Really? That's strange. Maybe the invite is lost in the Canadian postal system. You should get it later next year.

I can hear the clicking and whirring of tiny servos. I can see the blinking LEDs. Yes. Transformed and practically a new woman it's ROBODOUGHnut!!

Quote:

My darling sweatest husband an Little Doughnut Dauhter!!

I am writing 2 U with my new prosthetic hands and arms!1 so please excuse any mistakes as I am still geting used to them and it is difficult to do. The people here have been very kind and I am a lot better. mike I was so happy to see your letter I knw U would not leave me and forget me. I have new legs 2 but i cannot walk yet because I am too big I am like a giant lollipop and would fall over 2 easy. I have to loose a lot of weight and then hopefully i will be able to balance. I have also been given a face transplant so I hope you will still recognise me when we see each other. mike my darling how are you and how is Litle doughnut? I think of U all the time and U both have given me the strength to carry on. I do not knoew what Simon is doing at the moment but I have not heard from him so I hope he has gone. If U helped by writing to him then i am very grateful and love U even more for saving me.
I have to stop k now because my arm batteries need changing. i love U Mike i love u XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
ps tell little Dognut to be good and brave and that her supermummy is now even more super with her robot limbs - I dont want her to be scared of me.

What will Mike do now? I honestly have no idea. Although it will probably involve asking for his LONG overdue money.

Love Phil X

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:03 am

Amazing!

The question is, does she have new robotic lady parts too? I am sure that it what Mike is wondering... Very Happy

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:29 am

Thanks Cosette! I'd forgotten that Doughnuts downstairs cloakroom had been demolished. Don't worry - if Mike has forgotten too, I'll take great pleasure in reminding him. I'm thinking it might look like this:

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:26 am

Muppet has done a poor cut and paste job. Apparently even though we're just getting to know one another we broke up and now we're back together!

Quote:

Hello My Lovely husband.Oh My God.. very very Handsome am very very happy to see your lovely and i just wish i could give you a lovely kiss in person now. i love you so much and i can't wait too spend the rest of my life with you Dear,
I know I said it was over but I can't bear being without you each day of my life. I miss the things we used to do and the relationship we used to have. I thank you for caring for me in your own special way..Honey have show all my friends your handsome pics and them love they see in you that why i can't wait a day without You Love baby..You are my one true love, and I realize now that you won't leave. I love you with all of my heart and soul. You are my everything. I love you.

Missed You so much honey who we can talk on phone soon...

and welcome home love..
Kiss and Hug Love You

Malivs

Bulldog replies:

Quote:

hello muppet

glad u like the pic i would love to see some more of u. u have'nt told me where u are yet darling. i want to know if it is possible to maybe see u or something. anyway hope u are well and write soon.

cheers darling,

Bulldog

Muppet says:

Quote:

Honey Am really from untied Kingdom am right there now..i told u my parent have died am the only child to my Family..Am here living in my father House.. [followed by more cut n paste]

Bulldog wants a location and has also been watching too much MTV:

Quote:

hello muppet

i kno u are in the untied kingdom!! i meant where do u live? where is your house? thanks for the photos u are really gorgus. i like that u are not skinny but have a good lot of fat on u. i like big women. i bet that if u jump up and down a cople of times and then stand still u are still moving and jiggling for about 5 mins after!! can u do that thing with your arse cheeks that i seen in the hip hop videos? i hope so becos that is well sexy!

i have heard that my ex-wife elena well i used to call her dohnut becos she was always eating them hah ha! is getting better and she might even get out of hospital one day so i dont know what to do. i need to somehow get hold of her money becos i kno she wont give me none but dont worry muppet i kno some blokes what are well hard and dodgy from my time as a football hooligan and proud of it!! they can do anything for the right money if u kno what i mean so either way ill be getting what i want and that includes u. u can share it with me when i get it cos i think u is a well fit bird.

i want u to tell me more about u muppet i like u and want to kno u a lot better and who knos maybe see u in all your big flesh?

take care darling

Bulldog

Meanwhile…Poor Mike is overjoyed to hear from his beloved Doughnut and he shows it with another cut n paste job:

Quote:

Hello My Pretty lovely wife am very happy for you hope all is good and fine have really missed you so much. I can't do a day without your love my heart is never letting you go. That space you filled in will always be there for you. Someone might fill in the empty space and might take some of the space you left behind but there will always be that space in my heart for you even though you have given up on us.I thank God you came into my life Again

I still think of you. I still wish in the end there will be you and me and I still wish you loved me, but I am a better person now, able to understand things, see them not only on my point of view, I could better understand people's emotions now, see how could I ever hate you then. Thanks for bringing out the best in me, for all the joy, for giving me the best thing that ever happened in my life that was YOU

Susan is fine missed you also Love You So much..

Mike

Obviously Doughnut takes a while to reply as she gets to grips with her robot arms but her letter will give Mike new hope. Shame he's also mixed Muppet and Bulldog into this, however. That man could wreck everything!

Love Phil X

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:57 pm

So, basically the lad is scamming stereo - or are you baiting him stereo? Razz

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:09 am

^^

I'm not sure Jeanette but there certainly are a lot of voices!

Muppet says:

Quote:

i stay here in livepool.. So how are u doing Hope all is well with you am here thinking of you i can't wait to be there with You Honey..I love you so much and i can't bear it anymore honey..

Love You

Which is great! That surely means her and Bulldog can meet up? Few hours on the train at the most. Unless she's suddenly been called away to Ghana of course! A reply will be sent to her shortly. Meanwhile Mike says:

Quote:

Hi Honey How are u doing.. what is going on with you am here thinking crying cos have really missed you so much.. where are you been my wife.. Hope all is well with u love..

followed by another cut n paste job which I won't bother with. He didn't deserve it but he gets a lovely big letter from Doughnut and she hasn't even got real arms! If he sends another generic reply she'll have to get mad.

Quote:

MY darling mike;

I thank you so much for all the beautiful letters you have sent me. i love you so much and think of you and little doughnut all the time. AS you can see I have been prctising my typing every day and am now able to write you letters nuch more easily with my robot arms.

Darling I am now also able to take a few steps every day on my robot legs and the doctors think that in time I may even be able to walk again!! Which will be incredible because I wasn't able to walk before due to my size. The big hhole in my stomach has been closed up. They took some skin from my bottom for that. In fact the skin from my bottom has been used to treat 28 other patients because there was so much of it. It was a good feeling knowing I was helping people worse off than me. However this now means that i don't have a belly button so I hope you won't find that strange when you see me. I am also thin now!! I know!! I cant believe it myself. I am like a new completely different woman but still your ever loving wife and Doughnut on the inside.

Unfortunately the half face transplant hasn't gone so well and the doctors say i'ts best not to look in a mirror yet so I don't know what I look like. I am a little bit shy to tell you about the other intimate things but you are my husband so you should know everything. My breast-buds and nip-naps are now made out of rubber and i wear them like a vest that has to be taken off and washed. But it does mean that if you ever wanted to know what it is like to be a woman you would be able to put them on and see and feel for yourself! i am trying to make ligt of it but it is actually quite sad.
As for my daffodil well you know that that is gone and instead I have also a new rubber lady part. it's sort of a cross between a small purse and a cup-holder on a Vauxhall Cavalier.

Well that's all my news. kiss Little Doughnut for me and I hope she is still being good. Mike I want to see you so bad. I wish you were here with me. Promise you will wait for me until I can be with you forever?

Love from your wife Doughnut XXXXX

Will Mike make ANY mention of Doughnut's new 21st Century body?

Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:16 pm

Maybe he just skimmed the text for the mention of money and didn't get half of the miracles of modern medicine.

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:52 pm

I have been a member of this site for less than 12 hours, just read the entire thread, got to say(excuse my language), this is some of the funniest, fucked up shit I have ever read, this Doughnut is a legend, I am struggling to comprehend how the lad is so gullible, thought I was a bit thick at times, but this has had me crying with laughter...keep up the good work my friend

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:46 am

Welcome to Eater b1gba115!! And congratulations on coming over to the dark corner of the forums. I take my hat off to you for reading through this whole thread and thanks for the kind words.

The thing about love lad scams is that these people aren't necessarily dumb or gullible in fact they can be quite clever at manipulating their victims and playing on their emotions. What we do is use the same tools against them. We build up trust and we portray convincing victims.
Once the scammer has invested a considerable amount of time and energy into the scam they are far more believing of the strange twists and turns we put into the storyline - for want of a better word. It would never occur to them that we as baiters would invest so much of our own time and energy into mailing them when we have nothing to gain. Also English isn't usually their first language so a lot of our references sail over their heads - we put them in for our own amusement.

Talking of which…Mike sends another cut n paste talking about wanting to be a father to her children and kissing her lovely lips etc etc. Here's an extract:

Quote:

I love you, my beautiful Doughnut Queen. I want you to know how I feel. We really need to talk but then again I don't know. My heart bleeds blood for you and I can't see. My stomach hurts and my head is throbbing but I want you to know more than anything that I miss you.

which is too much for Doughnut. He gets a slap:

Quote:

Why are you making fun of me? why are you being so cruel? I have done nothing but cry and cry over your last letters. You say you want to have children with me? I CAN"T!! I already told you I haven't got a daffodil anymore just a rubber cup. You are laughing at me? You say you want to kiss my perfect lips? My whole face isn't perfect and I only have one and a half lips. You say YOUR stomach hurts? Try having surgery to take skin from your bottom and put it over the hole where your stomach used to be!!!

I can't believe you would be so nasty to me after I spent 4 hours typing my last letter with my robot arms. I would say more but this letter has already taken me an hour and I'm running out of batteries. You are mean and horrible and I hate you.

That should stop him in his tracks!

Love Phil X

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:20 pm

I really cannot stop giggling......

And her new daffodil can double as a change purse! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:47 pm

I just caught up with your bait after a week in Canada.

Quote:

In fact the skin from my bottom has been used to treat 28 other patients because there was so much of it.

That's one of the funniest things that I've ever read... LOL_sign

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:26 pm

Cosette_24601 wrote:

......And her new daffodil can double as a change purse! Very Happy

Tsk tsk ... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:08 pm

^^Jealous

Seriously, the things she can do with her add-on parts is endless! (Edit to add: at least in my mind there are. )

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:05 pm

If there was a baiting equivalent of the Oscars, this would be up there for sweeping the boards, keep it up...

When I get everything sorted out, I will probably participate in Love Baits...got a couple of good Alter-Egos that needs to be brought out again,

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:06 pm

If there was a baiting equivalent of the Oscars, this would be up there for sweeping the boards, keep it up...

When I get everything sorted out, I will probably participate in Love Baits...got a couple of good Alter-Egos that needs to be brought out again,

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:39 am

I hope so BB, Romance lads annoy me most of all. I'm happy to trawl through the train wreck that is the romance forums, if it means winding up just one of these assholes.

And welcome to eater BB, I look forward to reading your baits! Very Happy

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 10:10 am

Cheers BB. "I'd like to thank the Academy, my psychiatrist, my probation officer and my AA sponsor."

Well after a bit of a hiatus where Mike and his alter-ego collected their thoughts I receive some mails!

Mike says:

Quote:

Honey i just want u to always know that i love you so much with all my heart i love you so much and i can't Let You down i promise too love you still the rest of my Life.This is my way of showing you how much I truly care for you. I can't really find the words to explain the way I feel wish am there with you in person..All I can say is you're the best surprise life has given me [Oh Mike. You would not believe the surprise if you could see me!] and your capacity for love, caring, and understanding never ceases to amaze me. I've truly been blessed [you mean cursed]by finding you and I'll never let you go. Doughnut i wish i could have much money to come to u there.. But i just want You to do something for me if you know u really love me and you do want me there with You honey Try and send someone to Western Union and send me 2000 so i can add it to the one in my hand and get our Flight Booking Before Monday if you know u love me so much and you do love Susan as well cos we can't bear it anymore Susan always crying that i need my mum Doughnut i want to be with her.,,

Honey My wish is your Command get the money send so we can get our flight Booking Before Monday Love You so much missed You

Your Husband Mike Doughnut

He sends this too:

Quote:

Honey Know need of Crying everything will be fine and good just believe in god and have Faith in your self Jesus Love us.
So stop crying my love
Miss You
Love You

I'm glad Jesus loves Mike 'cos NOBODY ELSE DOES YOU LYING, CHEATING SACK OF CRAP!! And what's with the flight? Last time he mentioned it, he was also in the UK wasn't he?

Doughnut replies after 3 days:

Quote:

Mike. I am still angry and upset at you. I love you so much and you insist on hurting me. I don't know why you do this. Everytime we are getting closer and deeper in love you do or say something stupid and break my heart. I guess it is because you are a man and men can be dumb sometimes and not know how to treat a a lady.

Why do you need to get a plane? that is crazy! just get on the train and you could be with me in a couple of hours. It's not about the money. After all it was you who didn't want me to send £80,000 for Little Doughnut's trust fund so £2000 is nothing.

But how am I supposed to get it? I am still having operations to help me walk. and talk. and go to the toilet.

And tell Little Doughnut to stop crying you know how children crying upsets me. tell her to stop being a baby or you'll make her stand in the middle of the shopping centre with her pants on her head saying "I'm a naughty numpty" just like when she had to write her 100 lines punishment and just like my mother made me do in the middle of Dixons when I was 6.

i love you Mike Doughnut, but sometimes you really annoy me. Get a grip. Sort things out and stop being so ridiculous.

Your loving wife Doughnut XXX

PS. if you want proof of how much I love you this took me 4 hours to write. 4 painful hours. I sometimes wish YOU would spend as long on a letter to me.

Muppet is a little more succinct:

Quote:

Good Morning My Lovely Husband how are u doing and how was your night hope u sleep well am just missed you thinking of you....

Bulldog replies:

Quote:

Hi muppet!!

i'm fine at the moment. still pissed off about my ex dounut but dont worry ill sort that bitch out one way or another. how are u? ive never been to livepool but i hear its a cool place apart from the scoursers haha sorry just a joke cos u must be a scourser too! u live in your dads house? whats it like is it big? is there enough room for me? haha. are u in livepool at the moment?

anyway take care Ill be thinking about u.

Bulldog.

She says:

Quote:

Yes am right now in Liverpool living in my daddy House.. Will You Like to be here some day. have really missed You so much just thinking of you here.. And i can't stop thinking of you hope all is well and Good.

and Bulldog says:

Quote:

hey Muppet

yeah i definatly want to come and see u. im going to come to liverpool this week shall i meet somewhere in the town? ill bring u flowers and presents and we can have a great time together.

let me kno so i can be there soon.

cheers

Bulldog

Come on Muppet. Send one of your "friends" to meet me in a bar in Liverpool. You know, one of those nice ones with a webcam. Wink

Love Phil X

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 4:18 am

^^^ Oh HELL YEAH! A nice trip to merseyside to show off your probably not pretty at all face for the entire forum to see. I live for those moments, despite not having seen one yet.

Go get 'em phil!