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 Retiree's adventures at the store!!

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Bart Fargo
Corporate Baiter

Joined: 22 May 2010
Posts: 1605
Location: Free munchies for the cantaloupe masters

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:10 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

For those with out knowledge of Target, think Walmart with a little, not much, more class.

Here are some ideas to keep retirees occupied .

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

What the hell happened to all my little icons I earned and my quotes???
Mc Fry <===the hardest icon to earn
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:43 pm Reply with quoteBack to top


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Demented Opportunist

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:31 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Bart, this should be in the Joke stickey - there are several urban legends there already.

I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

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Hello I'm New here!

Joined: 24 Jan 2011
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

October 23 and October 3 made me crack up so badly, this stuff is hilarious!
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

One store down, 3,456 to go! Smile

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Morgain Le Fay
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I had a friend who once put condoms randomly in other people's carts, then awaited by the check out counters!

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:13 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This may have gone too far to redirect you to the joke thread, but that's where they ought to go.

I went to Harrods in London, and managed to reprogram the fridges (posh US ones with LCD displays) to speak Lithuanian! I used to do it with unattended mobile phones, but after putting a friend's into Arabic, I nearly got lynched when I couldnt put it back into English, until I realised that reading right to left applied to the menu numbers as well.

the European Union has bounced on our freckles
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ I did that to myself! Embarassed Brand new mobile, in town centre trying to programme in a number to see why my so-called friend had left me standing on a street corner instead of meeting me as arranged, got distracted, pressed the wrong button and suddenly I'm trying to programme my phone in Turkish. Laughing

I may have to visit some 'favourite' shops this weekend... Twisted Evil

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