Star Wars Safari--Day 13. Sick, tired, broke.

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:26 pm

Ok just got this email and we have confirmation IP 82.128.121.51 he is in Bauchi not that I had any doubts but proof is good.

Quote:

DEAR BRO LUKE.

COMPLEMENT OF THE SEASON! HOW IS YOUR FAMILY? HOPE THEY ARE DOING JUST FINE. I GOT YOUR MAIL AND UNDERSTOOD THEY CONTENT, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I AM HANDICAP HERE. BECAUSE NO ONE ACCEPT TO ASSIST ME WHILE IN GHANA, I HAVE TO USE THE FAITH IN ME TO EMBARK ON THE JOURNEY. I ARRIVE LAGOS AFTER 14HRS DRIVE FROM GHANA AND HEADED TO ABUJA DIRECT BECAUSE I COULD NOT GET A CAR DIRECT TO BAUCHI. AND FROM ABUJA I BUD A TAXI GOING TO BAUCHI WITH THE HELP OF SOMEONE BECAUSE, MR. HANS ASK ME TO WRITE HIM, BUT BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY, ALL THE BUSINESS CENTRES WHERE CLOSED IN ABUJA.

SO, I APPROACH SOMEONE WHO HELP IN PAYING MY TRANSPORTATION WITHOUT EATING ANY MEAL SINCE I STARTED MY JOURNEY. BECAUSE, I HAVE LIMITED FUNDS WITH ME. MR. HANS PROMISED THAT IMMEDIATELY I EMBARK ON THE JOURNEY, HE WILL MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR FUNDS WITH YOU GUYS. NOW FEW MINUTES AFTER I ARRIVE BAUCHI, AN ANNOUNCEMENT WAS MADE ON A BOMB BLAST IN ABUJA. WHICH MADE THE SURVEILLANCE IN NEIGHBOURING STATE SO STRICT. AND THEY SAID ANY ONE FOUND OUTSIDE THE STREET IN BAUCHI AFTER 9PM. WILL BE ARRESTED. AND I HAVE NO FUNDS ON ME. I CALLED MR. HANS WHO PROMISE TO CALL ME BACK AFTER SOME MINUTES BUT COULD NOT. AND I APPROACH A HOTEL CLOSE BY AND BEG FOR ACCOMMODATION PROMISING TO PAY BACK IMMEDIATE YOU GUYS SEND THE MONEY TO ME. AND THE TOOK ALL MY BELONGINGS. BUT YET I HAVE NOT SEEN OR RECEIVE ANY FUNDS FROM YOU GUYS. I AM STRANDED WITH NO FOOD.

I LEFT THE HOTEL EARLIER AND WENT IN SEARCH OF THE PARK, I FOUND THE SHEHU AZARE AMUSEMENT PARK BUT WITH SO MANY SIMILAR DESCRIPTION FROM MR. HANS. SO I BECAME CONFUSE. BUT I HOPE WITH THIS MAP, I WILL LOCATE THE PLACE EASIER.

PLEASE, YOU GUYS SHOULD DO SOMETHING FOR ME TO GET ENERGY TO DIG THE GROUND IMMEDIATELY.

BEST WISHES,
P@STOR CLETU$.

I replied with

Quote:

Howdy Cletu$,
Well smother me with jelly and strap me to an ant pile! Look here partner we had no idea about this cotton picking bombing fiasko till now. We were a figurine you would just be able to mosey on down there turn a couple rocks and be on your way. I'm sorry to hear this is so fudged up.
Ok we are working hard to get you some money the problem is all the banks are closed till Monday for the holiday. I was going to try one of them electronical transfers but that will leave a trail and we cant risk it. We will send you some money the crack of dawn Monday after tha banks are open. Hopefully you will have the suitcase by then so we wont have to worry about it. I think the new map should help. Good luck partner.
Luke

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:41 pm

^^^Sweet.

The calls are epic.
NWM, you are a master.

"I used my last coin to buy a shovel"
"It's very hard ground"

Whine, whine, whine.
Dusk on New Year's Eve with a police curfew about to shut down the roads, roots, moved stones and confusing directions he has to access via a cybercafe in Jos (in Jos, FFS!)...doesn't the lad realise this an adventure, a quest?

I wonder how he is going to explain all this to his wife?
I daresay she's phoning him constantly Twisted Evil

"I need energy!"
I can't believe the lad actually wants Hans to send a WU at 4 AM.
The lad's working himself into a fantastic emotional state.

It's Day 2 of the dig and dusk is falling in Nigeria. Very Happy

insults and more · Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:13 pm

He just called me out of the blue!

Called the first time, didn't say anything and hung up on me after a few seconds. A few seconds later he called me again.

The second time, I got him on for about two minutes. It was very hard to understand what he was saying, so I didn't bother listening.

Lad: H4ns told me all about it
Me: What is it you want me to do? You tell me, I do it. WHAT IS IT?
Lad: What do you want me to do, or you want to do for me?
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I can help but I don't know what you want.
Lad: [mumble mumble]
Me: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!
Lad: What it is I want you to do is [mumble]
Me: HOW IN THE NAME OF CHRIST DO I HELP YOU?

etc.

The end of the call was rather sloppy. I turned up the Anoushka Shankar I was playing, bellowed about the nightclub music being "too fucking high, I can't hear a fucking word you are saying" and started shuffling the phone around so I could "accidentally" press the record button. He hung up on me after a few seconds of shuffling and button pressing.

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:17 pm

Just got this.

Quote:

PLEASE, YOU MAY DO ME A GREAT GOOD BY WRITING A DESCRIPTION TO ME SO THAT I CAN KNOW THE CLOSES THING TO IDENTIFY THE SPOT. ALMOST ALL THE ROUND ABOUT LOOKS THE SAME. BESIDES, THE TOWN IS DEVELOPING. THINGS ARE CHANGING RAPIDLY. SO, KINDLY REMEMBER ANYTHING YOU CAN USE, LIKE OFFICES THAT ARE CLOSER OR ANY BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENT WHICH I CAN USE TO INDICATE THE ACTUAL AREA.

MANY TREES CARRYING SIMILAR DESCRIPTIONS, ARE ALL OVER THE ROUND ABOUT. JUST TELL ME ONE POPULAR SPOT THAT IS CLOSE TO THE PLACE. THE TOWN HAS FOUR ROUND ABOUTS AND ALMOST ALL HAVE SAME TYPE OF TREES.

WAITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

I sent this. I want some pics of the dig site Smile

Quote:

Hey There Cletu$
Ok well what I sent you was pretty dang close. I reckon things are a changing a bit. Do you have a camera on you phone? If you could take a few pictures of where your digging then me and Hans may spot something to help. It was right there where the straight part of the street hit the round about in the North side. Take a few pictures of those parts and we can zero you in on where's it's a buried. Sound like a plan partner? Go ahead and send a few pictures of where your digging too. If'n your a digging close we can just give you a direction.
Luke

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:29 pm

^^^Well played, by turning the request back to him.

Iscreamforicecream wrote:

ALMOST ALL THE ROUND ABOUT LOOKS THE SAME. BESIDES, THE TOWN IS DEVELOPING. THINGS ARE CHANGING RAPIDLY.

Aah, so that's the problem, then.

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:41 pm

Just got this:

Quote:

I GOT THE MAP BUT THERE ARE SIMILAR SPOT LIKE THAT, THE TOWN IS DEVELOPING RAPIDLY. PLEASE TELL HIM TO TRY AND SEND A WRITTEN DESCRIPTION TO ME. AND I AM WAITING FOR WHAT EVER YOU GUYS ARE ARRANGING. I AM LOSING ENERGY PLEASE.

WAITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

He left me a voicemail and he sounded pretty worn out. I'll call him in a minute and try to boost his spirits a little.

I think it's time we chop the money.

@Chewie: nice job. I'm going to talk about you to Pastor on our next call. Set the stage for whatever we decide to do.

I like the idea of photos of the dig. We need to make sure lad is trying his best.

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 7:20 pm

Geez, why is it that every time I call this guy it lasts for like 15 minutes. I need the Pastor to get that money out of the ground so that I can buy more Skype credits.

Here is the latest call. Pastor is stuck in the hotel.

http://www.4shared.com/audio/Be6o-p14/stuckinhotel.html

He apparently has brought someone else in on the deal.

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:56 pm

Ok I called him up. Not very exciting and a long phone call. He claims to be stuck in his hotel until we send him money. I really want him to try and get out tomorrow and dig some more. I think he will take pics tomorrow if he can figure out a way to get out of the hotel. After searching google maps I finally found a land mark pretty close to the round about so it should help him find it. I have a feeling he was digging in the wrong round about before...

http://www.4shared.com/audio/Nb_5a6Fz/Cletus_Luke.html

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:17 pm

Nice call Bravo. Very convincing. Good job finding the hotel near the roundabout.

I love that the Pastor is not only making up very good excuses for why he is digging there, but he has also contracted another worker AND agreed to pay this person.

With the hotel bill, this other worker, and the ice cream he is eating for breakfast lunch and dinner, Pastor is working up quite a debt in Bauchi.

You know, I thought I was picking a pretty easy place to find when I put the money there. I guess I couldn't have been more wrong. This is perfect. I couldn't have known that there were so many roundabouts and that they all look just the same!

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:21 pm

Does the Gomer organisation have access to shovels?

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3877

Quote:

I GOT THE MAP BUT THERE ARE SIMILAR SPOT LIKE THAT, THE TOWN IS DEVELOPING RAPIDLY.

What is the further plan?

Somebody else took the money, and the lad has to hunt it? Or, if the photos show up a very new house, well... this house might be that new, that the money is under it. Twisted Evil

imagine the troubles, when the lad tries to dig under the house.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:02 am

@Robert Heinrich der 1. : What is the further plan? Oh, you will just have to wait and see! We have somethings cooking for our lad.

insults and more · Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:59 am

Sent him an email.

Quote:

Subject: Western Union

H4ns asked me to send you money. Pretty sure I did. Didn't I give you the MTCN? Got a receipt right here.

Get back to me when you can so I can give you the transfer details. H4ns says you're in a tight spot with the T3rminus Hotel.

I know that place. Scored lots of pussy there. Maybe you're sleeping on the same bed I shared with L3yah. Tell me, does the room stink of sex and nostalgia?

Anyway, H4ns yelled at me about my drinking. Said "Chewie, you fucked it all up. The P4stor was depending on you and you fucked him. You fucked him like a bitch." Well, not in those words because I've never heard H4ns say a cuss in his life. But the general idea of it was the same.

Way I figure, a man deserves a drink after a bad breakup. None of his business. Doesn't interfere with my productivity. Why does everyone keep saying "Chewie is an alcoholic" and "Chewie keeps fucking things up" and "Chewie tried to cook my dog"?

I'm a nice guy. A good guy. I give money to poor people. I make chili for my coworkers every Christmas. I was once sober for 8 years, got a pin to prove it.

As a man of God or so I hear, you know what forgiveness means. I can forgive them for thinking I'm a heartless thug, but I'm finding it hard to keep going when everyone yells at me.

I'm doing the best I can and so help me Jesus I will continue to do my very utmost fucking best. It's the only thing I can do. The only thing we can all do.

Hopefully we can get you the money you need soon. It all depends. On fate. And whether I have another bottle of laphroaig hidden in this hotel room.

Lord help me.

Chewie is trying as hard as he can to help the lad. Too bad he keeps getting drunk.

insults and more · Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:19 am

I finally got credits and called him (around 5:40 a.m. his time)

I had this playing loudly in the background: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NWeKB8n7qw (Richard Cheese's rendition of Darth Vader's Imperial March theme)

I tried to hit the record button as soon as the call began, but I screwed up (Chewie is rubbing off on me).

Here is a rough transcript:

Me: Hello? Hello? This place is way too loud.
Lad: Hello? Who is this?
Me: It's Chewie. Chewie. Chewie! I sent you the money!
Lad: [unintelligible]
Me: I SENT YOU THE MONEY!
Lad: Listen I
Me: YOU NEED THE MTCN! I HAVE IT! HERE IT IS [bellowing during a piano solo]
Lad: You need
Me: I CAN'T HEAR YOU AT ALL THIS PLACE IS WAY TOO FUCKING LOUD!
Lad: [unintelligible]
Me: I'll email you. I'LL EMAIL YOU THE DETAILS. CAN YOU PICK UP A WESTERN UNION PAYMENT IN YOUR HOTEL?
Lad: [beginning of a shout]
Me: CAN YOU PICK UP THE MONEY WHERE YOU ARE?!

At this point he should be so angry at Chewie that he has not a doubt in his mind that Chewie really did send the money, but is way too intoxicated to give him the payment information.

Now I'll wait til NWM gives me the go-ahead for further contact.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 24 Sep 2010 Posts: 25

This is fantastic! Twisted Evil

I now have this bookmarked for daily viewing... Shocked

Nice work indeed.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:22 pm

Called the Pastor this morning. He was hard at work digging with his hired hand. Apparently, the spot his is digging is right next to a government compound, so the chances of someone questioning him is pretty good. He has come up with a nice story for the police, in the event that they question him.

Lost connection, so this is a two part call.

Part one:

http://www.4shared.com/audio/Svjp5BK3/daythree.html

Part two:

http://www.4shared.com/audio/G7YbrgHD/day3part2.html

Looks like Chewie is quickly falling out of favor.

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 01 Nov 2010 Posts: 1161

Bought some credits so I should be able to make calls once I'm able to figure Skype out. I do have a headset w/ mike and headphones. Will this work?

That is, if you need a generic storm trooper extra to use/kill off at this point in time.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:05 pm

^^^Mmmm.
Storm trooper- splendid physical condition, well-trained, tireless, obedient...

@NWM- I'd spent the day thinking the lad was holed up in a fleabag hotel and I didn't quite catch how HagenDaäzboi was able to leave the premises.

The pastor still thinks the money is there, which is excellent news.
Three days of digging! Well, so he says.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:22 pm

@Lachesis: Ok, will let you know if/when the option presents itself.

@Psychicbait: I thought he told me in that call that the receptionist at the hotel was the one that is helping him dig. That would explain him getting out for the day.

I have no doubt that Pastor is there digging. He told me that the ground is really hard and that it tires him out. Even his helper can only dig a short time before getting tired out.

I think we should chop the money before he has a chance to go digging again.

A quick google of 'Bauchi news' brings up some interesting things, including it being a state where Islamic Law is practiced. Seems the situation there is pretty unstable. The curfew is from 9pm to 6 a.m.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:36 pm

^^^I listened to the second part of the call.
I think you are absolutely right about the digging- there is a note in the voice I usually hear in people who are physically overworked.
I'm looking forward to the choppa.

I googled B@uchi News and yes, indeed, the Sharia is taken seriously there.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:43 pm

LMAO he found the stones! I couldn't listen to the second call for some reason.

I agree as fun as it is to have him digging holes he seems to have narrowed in on the location pretty well and he will give up soon anyway. Time for the chop to come in.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:14 pm

Agreed.

It's been 4 days since Pastor left home. I love that he has HIRED someone to help him dig. In the last phone call he tries to tell me that he has not eaten since he left home. I find that a bit hard to believe.

I don't doubt that he is having a pretty rough go of things. Sorry, Pastor, it is only going to get worse!

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:02 pm

Ok called him to give him the Chewie's MTCN number There is actually three calls.

CHEWIE LISTEN TO THE FIRST CALL FOR SURE! He threw me off and asked for your full name. I murdered you last name sorry!

First call
http://callrec.me/show?id=MNMUVWMK

Second call to give him the test answer and question.
http://callrec.me/show?id=XIERIJHU

My iPhone crapper out a bit so I had to call again. This is where I foreshadow the issue of some fellers being on to me and Like
http://callrec.me/show?id=TZOSPUEN

I love how the bastard acts like it his idea to take the pics!

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:03 pm

Excellent phone calls, NowhereMan and Bravo.

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:19 pm

@Dwatina: Thanks! This is different than any safari I've done before because it is all phone call based. Hardly any emails at all.

Bravo: LMAO! Text question: Millennium. Answer: Falcon!

We'll chop tonight.

I was wondering why Pastor didn't call me all morning, but I suppose it is because he is out of phone credits.

I'm almost believing that he is as broke as he says he is.

EDITED TO SAY: One thing about a safari--it pretty much takes over your life once it is happening. I'm not complaining, they are really exciting, just stating a fact.

Star Wars Safari--Day 13. Sick, tired, broke.	View next topic View previous topic