Mikey falls 4 the ditz *pics & Language warning

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Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:08 am

Every time I hear the name "Mikey" I think of Bruce Campbell in "Burn Notice". Smile

anyhoo, Mikey has fallen in love with the ditz, all in less than an hour. I picked this one up @ 4ppl.com. And as you'll see this one's a keeper:

Mikey

Quote:

hi.. how r u?? i saw ur profile.. i am looking for love and care

The ditz

Quote:

I am sorry, but I am only looking to meet other Australians. And surely at 43 I am a bit old for you

Mikey comes back with this:

Quote:

age is not a matter to me.. i am 32.. i wanna give all my love and care to the one whom i love very much.. i wanna marry u and give all my love to u forever until our life ends...

His fake profile lists his birthdate as 26.03.1982 making him 28. This tells me it's game on, moles! the ditz replies with:

Quote:

schatzi, I must confess you are attractive, but I have been hurt by younger men before, especially those from other countries

then I get two messages in a row from mikey boi:

This

Quote:

my email id is "[email protected]".. when u wish to email me, plss send me to my mail.. i will wait for ur mail.

and

Quote:

love comes when u really trust me to be wit u always... i wanna give a happy life for u...

Of COURSE you do. I'd better get cracking then! I'll see if I can get an IP Addy outta mikey... And besides, I'd hate to keep Bruce Campbell waiting Wink

edited for typos/My reply

I sent Mikey this, hopefully, juuusssst the right amount of neediness:

Quote:

My dear mikey

I must confess my apprehension. As i have mentioned, I have been hurt by younger men before. But it gets so lonely here in Yalbraith, especially after my husband Nick left me for a younger man! but if you were serious when you said "love comes when u really trust me to be wit u always... i wanna give a happy life for u..." then I will try.

My name is the Ditz and I live in Australia. please tell me more about yourself.

he responds with this:

Quote:

i am mikey james, living in UK, alone, never married, no kids.. lived all alone... i wanna get a new life... [/b]

(His profile says he's in Elk, Mendocino, CA, US. Not planning on correcting that anytime soon) Wink

IP Address: 121.242.89.4 India (Thiruvananthapuram)

I respond with this:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

I have always wanted to travel to the United kingdom. I was planning to go when I was younger (and still in my native Germany), then I met my husband Nick and we married and emigrated to Australia. whereabouts in the United Kingdom are you? I would love to visit one day

this guy's a typing machine!!! I think he wants to get to the money requiest today as well Wink

:

Quote:

yes huni... u can come there wit me and live wit me always.. i will make u feel more comfortable wen u r wit me...

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:36 am

And in less than 90 minutes, I get a proposal:

Quote:

will u marry me??

I respond with this:

Quote:

My liebling,

As I said before, I have been hurt by younger men. this seems... awfully fast. Let me think about it schatzi

I get this back:

Quote:

ok.. take ur own time.. i will wait for u always in my life with all my love in u.. love u forever...

while sending out my usual "tales from a desperate housewife" notice, Mikey asks when shall we meet? No, REALLY!

I send him this back:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

meet? You are in Britain, I am in Australia, meeting will be difficult at best

Pushy little turd, isn't he! Wink

And now, I get this. While I seriously doubt he means it, the mere POSSIBILITY of a Safari is too good to pass up:

Quote:

shall i come to u?

of COURSE you will: Rolling Eyes

Quote:

My liebling

You would come all the way to New South Wales for me? I must say, schatzi I find that most impressive (not to mention romantic). Yes, schnucki, if you come to me you will stay in my farm.

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 12:01 pm

So, I get this back:

Quote:

k... i will marry u there and bring u along wit me...

I decide to let him know we're getting hitched:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

If you marry me here in Australia, you may have problems with Immigration in this country. There have been many citizens of the UK trying to get Married to an Australian woman, and then divorce her and stay here. As a consequence the Immigration department will arrest these people, but not before making their faces on national television.

Schatzi I do not want this to happen to you, as Australia is such a horrible country. There are giant sharks in the water, these thing called jellyfish that kill people. And please be aware of the most dangerous creature on land. There are spiders that can kill you almost instantly. But they seem to only be in the colder southern states. The Drop bear however is a far more dangerous creature. It hangs from trees and drops onto it's prey (hence it's name), but once it attaches itself to you, will try to rip off your flesh and eat it.

No mein liebling. once my divorce is finalised, i will return to my Native Germany and you can meet me in Koln. Have you ever ridden the Eurostar? Oh schnucki I love that train, it's only 5 hours from London and I can have a traditional wedding again. I can go back to my maiden name of Schicklegruber before taking your name!

Oh mein liebling, I love that you love me for me. you will like being German!

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 5:00 pm

Congratulations girlfriend! clapping

Master Baiter Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 128

IC, Schicklegruber??? Ohh, Do tell, what a family you must have back home in the hills?? The young mikey tells yo u that you can come there wit me?? Would this mean that he is not in the UK right now??
What terrible thing will happen to mikey causing him to NEED your help and of course since he loves you so much you will be there in his time of neediness!! not!!

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 6:06 am

@ Beth: It's the kind of family where you can happily date your cousin, then have her killed when she dumps you!

In the meantime, my laptop died 9 days ago while I was interstate and all I get back is this:

Quote:

whatever is ur wish, that is mine too... i will obey u my princess... i love u...

So I send him this back. IP Addy is still in India, it'd be awesome if this turdbucket actually travelled:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

I apologise for not getting back to you sooner, my computer broke down and I had to buy a replacement. there has been much going on here in Yalbraith that I would like to share with you.

I have finally finished my divorce, and have won my settlement. I will place the farm on the sales market soon, and use that money to meet you in Koln. I am finding myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you schatzi and cannot wait for us to be together. I will let you know when the plans are finalised.

In the meantime he sends this. seems he's getting cocky:

Quote:

do u love me so much huni??

Yes, this bald middle aged MAN loves you long time baby Wink

Master Baiter Joined: 24 Mar 2009 Posts: 128

Yes, After you've done away with the cousin, Then you may merrily date your Niece, murder her other suitors and then get her to kill her self after she dumps you!! "do u luv him so mush huni!!!"

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:13 am

I realise I don't have a (fake) pic of our boi... I send him this:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

Today the Baier farm went on the market, and am happy to say it will sell for far more than it is worth. It seems the New south Wales Government is expanding the nearby National Park, and even though the farm is very run down, it has sold to them for it's original market value of $640,000. This is great news my dear Mikey it means we can now be together. Once the farm has been sold I will travel to my native Germany where you will meet me.

How soon can you be in Koln? And can you send me a photo of your good sexy self? I'll need to see what you look like when I meet you

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:16 am

Pic duly turns up... Of a very young Indian chap. It could actually BE our guy! I will ask my Indian classmates what they think of it. I will post as soon as I can.

In the meantime, we also get this as a message:

Quote:

see me.. do u like me and love me??

So here's his pic. see him and tell me if I should love him:

The ditz will be well impressed. Methinks it's time for the topless shot, I send him this back Wink

Quote:

My dear Mikey

I see you, and boy, what a hunk! I'm amazed you don't have a girlfriend already. I may have mentioned this, but I was a model in my native Germany and although I am older now, I like to think I still scrub up well.

I have attached a photo from my modelling days, I hope you like.

Yes, he looks 32 to me Rolling Eyes

ETA: Seems our Boi likes the topless shot of the Ditz:

Quote:

kathrin.. my love.. u look so awesome beauty for me... i dont feel u r older.. u still look so young for me my love... i love u so much.. i need u forever wit me..

Do you think I should mention "the Junk in the trunk"? In the meantime I send him this back Shocked

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

Once the Divorce is finalised you will meet me in Koln and I will take you to meet my family in Frankfurt where I am from. They will like you, the Schicklgrubers are known for their friendliness and tolerance.

Meet the schicklgrubers:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Schicklgruber

In the meantime, Our Boi sends this back. At first I thought he was lazy, I now suspect he's just a bit dim:

Quote:

r u ready to marry me once u r divorced???

It seems that I am: Wink

Quote:

My dear Mikey

I have been hiding my true feelings for you. I have been hurt badly by my soon to be ex husband Nick, and I didn't allow myself to believe that you could be interested in me. But you have won my heart with your photo, and your charismatic ways.

So yes, once the Divorce is finalised I will marry you in Germany, and we can setup our lives in Frankfurt.

I've always wanted to go to Germany. The boi's not on,line much, but when he is, he's a typing MACHINE!: Laughing

Quote:

do u need kids for us?? if so u need them, how many u need for our family?? how should be our family??

Naturally I want an effing HUGE family, that Lad will of course pay for. I send this back:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

I must confess that my biggest regret is not having children, but not having to put them through this messy divorce is a blessing.

Schatzi, I want to have so many children, you will hard to work so hard to support them! I ache to hear the pitter patter of small children running around the family home. Oh mein liebling I am so happy that you want to have as many children as I do. what shall we name them?

I think they should ALL be called Ralph! Mr. Green

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:18 am

I'm old and I'm starting to have troubles reading the last post so I've decided to start another... Sad

We get this from our boi:

Quote:

u r my princess my love.. watever decision u take its mine too.. so u can keep names from ur pretty lips... i love huni... i love u so much... cannot live without u.... marry me now.. and accept me as ur husband now huni.. i wanna be ur husband always,,,,

At least he's not sending the crappy poetry at lot of others do. I send him this back:

Quote:

My Dear Mikey,

I will keep you abreast of the changes in my life and once the divorce is finalised I will book my ticket to Frankfurt. I have a property there from my modelling days which i will take up residence in. Once that is finished I will meet you at Koln and we will celebrate, before going back to Frankfurt to plan our wedding.

How soon can you be there?

He sends this back:

Quote:

wenver u wish me to be wit u, i will be there..

Let me think... I think the divorce will be finalised damn soon, the idea of a safari beckons Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:16 am

haven't heard from our boi, so I'll send a are you there email soon. But in the meantime, I'd forgotten he had a pic on the 4ppl.com site:

http://www.4ppl.com/images/gallery_real/181262/0/

He looks exactly like the photo he sent to my email Wink

In the meantime, while looking at my 4ppl mail, he messages me. I send him an email and the machine begins again. 1st this:

Quote:

huni... i love u so much... wen shall we marry?? i am expecting the day we marry each other...

I reply:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

I thought you'd forgotten me schatzi. I am awaiting the divorce to be finalized and then we will marry as soon as I relocate to Frankfurt. You will like my family and they you. Will you meet me there? I have a secret fantasy of having sex on the Eurostar train.

Would you help me realise it?

And then he sends this:

Quote:

huni... is my age a prob for u to live wit me??? will u be able to live comfortable wit me??? i love u so much my love...

and this:

Quote:

i will never forget u my love... i was lil bit busy in my work... so unable to contact u... so wat is that fantasy sex of having sex in the Eurostar train?? could u plss tell me that my love??

Work... yeah riiiiight! Rolling Eyes

To which I reply (Bolding is mine):

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

The Eurostar train (as you are no doubt aware) (or WOULD be if you weren't a scamming turd) connects London to Germany via channel tunnel. My fantasy is book a 1st class cabin and fuck your brains out while the train is travelling from London where you are to Koln.

And to answer your question 32 is not too young mein liebling

I think it's time to meet:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

while I am waiting for my divorce to be finalized, there is no reason I can't take a holiday. Plus I haven't seen my family in a long time. would you meet me in Koln??? I have to run now schnucki, the divorce court is back in session

in RL I have errands to run

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:38 am

So errands are run, and am in the Library for a bit. Our boi sends this:

Quote:

k... darling r u expecting the day wen we meet and say our love to each other, and kiss u my love and make u feel romantic hot wit me???

Time to up the Ante. It's time for our boi to travel to koln:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

The divorce is finalised as of this week. All that remains now is the settlement and the division of property. Once that happens I will book my ticket to Frankfurt and begin my life with you.

Oh mein schatzi, I love that you are here for me and want to be with me in Germany. My brother Alois Schicklgruber (my maiden name before marrying into the Baiers) has agreed to put you up in his home in Frankfurt (he has a simply gorgeous apartment in Kettenhosweg) while waiting for my arrival.

Will you think of me as you ride the Eurostar to koln? I am so envious schnucki, perhaps we can holiday in the UK after we marry and we can "ride" the Eurostar (if you know what I mean and I think you do). <-- I LOVE that quote from Joe Bob Briggs, I'll use it 'till the end of time)

How soon can you be in Germany? I wish I was there now, but I will be there very soon with you waiting for me there. Oh my dear dear Mikey I love you so much

Surely this is where lad asks for cash, which of course will blow out into a "Mr Man" issue. Of course our boi's online. he sends this back:

Quote:

darling i am waiting for the momet to kiss u and live wit u

The Ditz is a happy little camper:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

When will you leave for Germany? I am SO excited that you are getting ready to meet me.

My Brother Alois is also keen to meet you, and needs to know when to expect you. I am looking into booking my ticket to Germany as soon as possible and will send you a copy of the Itinerary when I have it finalised.

I'm so happy I could shit!

(John Waters rules! RULES I tells ya!) Wink

Our Boi's agreed to Travel:

Quote:

i will leave for germany in another week as to settle all my works pending here.. once finished, i will statrt

Of COURSE you will. Rolling Eyes

The Ditz is beside herself in pent up sexuality:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

A week? That is utterly fantastisch! Oh schnucki, I can't wait to meet you "in the flesh" finally. You will love Germany, I will make it so. When you get here I will ride you harder than you've ever been before. Oh Mikey, you will not leave your bed for the first few weeks, I guarantee it.

Seems he likes the idea:

Quote:

u will not leave me from our bed ah???

I responded like the complete slut I am:

Quote:

Leave you? I will tie you up to it and do things you couldn't even imagine you sexy thing you

That's right baby, this middle aged MAN loves you long time Wink

our boi sends this. I really DO think he's not all that bright:

Quote:

that would be our pleasant and memorable nights for us.. that would be our first night of being together..

I send this back. the ditz is a bit hot under the collar:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

Yes, that's just the 1st night, I will do things only an experienced MILF like myself could do for you. Once you've had me, you will never have a young skinny thing ever again. those girls may look pretty, but they don't know how to please a man. A cougar like myself has experience, special little tricks that I will perform for you.

Take it from me schatzi, I KNOW how to please a man.

What do you guys think? Should I "confess" that I was born a man and still have the wedding tackle??? Shocked

I get two emails in a couple of minutes. This:

Quote:

i will make u unforgettable nights... u never havw experienced such a good sex in ur life... i promise u that... that will make our love more strong too

And this:

Quote:

wen i meet u at the first sight, i will take u to our bed and will never allow u to come out of the room completely even at the day of our marriage too.. i will make u nude and me too

I think that last line could be a new siggy line for me Wink

Now he's just sending them on without me even writing anything. It's like the guy wants to use chat but doesn't know how:

Quote:

then i will kiss ur lovely looking eyes, lovely cheeks, and sweet hot lips... and then kiss on ur neck.. and then...

And this:

Quote:

i have some work now,, i will email u here in another 50 mins.. k???

I think he's off for a wank puke

I send this back:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

I must go now too schnucki. But I will write you again in the morning.

After all I have half of season two of "Ashes to ashes" to watch Wink

Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:30 am

So, the machine is back in action. 1st this from an hour ago:

Quote:

there?? huni.. r u busy?? y no mails from u??

I respond with this:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

Yes schnucki, I have been very busy, I am trying to organise my trip to Germany as well as awaiting the outcome of my divorce settlement. I will be online at very odd hours today while I try to get the tenants out of the house in Frankfurt so we can move in. they are being surprisingly obstinate.

You be obstinate too if you were being evicted by a FICTIONAL Landlord! Wink

Laddo seems a bit under the collar:

Quote:

huni.. i couldnt sleep at nights bcos of u... even in nights, u r disturbing me.. u r tying me up in bed and make urself and me too more wilder...

more soon I strongly suspect

Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:55 pm

I decide that it's time to be "Divorced". The ditz is hammered:

Quote:

Mein Schatzi

I have been celebrating with the Girls. I am a divorced woman! I must admit to being a bit typsy, but the farm is sold and I can now leave Yalbraith for Frankfurt. I showed them your picture, Sabrina my darling niece thinks your hot! I'd better keep an eye on her, she has stolen other people's men before

Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 11:40 pm

So, even though it's been the weekend and I know Lads don't work them normally, I couldn't resist giving him a slap for not being at my beck and call. I send him this, bolding is mine:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

It saddened me so much that your were not there to chat to me over the weekend. I know I may have drunk too much but that is no reason to avoid my many emails. (Actually I only sent one, I'm hoping he'll go on a mad hunt for a whole stack of non existent emails)

Shatzi, if we are to be a couple I need you to be there for me, in both the highs and the lows. I am hoping to leave for Germany this week and I need to know that you'll be waiting for me when I arrive in Frankfurt. (During the week I'll make up some flight details. He'll HAVE to be at the airport to meet me Wink

Please tell me you haven't found someone else, I would be heartbroken. I spent all weekend crying over the fact that you weren't there for me. (Actually I spent all weekend fixing computers, but I digress.) Rolling Eyes

I need you mein liebling, please don't leave me.

(Let's see what he makes of all that). I get three emails back in 20 minutes: Laughing

Quote:

1) ya huni.. i was really busy in weekends... thts y i am unable to contact u.. sorry huni... i love u much... i love u so much

2) darling.. dont worry about ur sister... even if she shows her nakedness to me, i will never look on her.. i always love u and only have my sex wit u only.. my sweet wife (WTF??? I have NO idea what he is talking about here)

3) r u there, kathrin?? wat r u doing??

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:45 am

He sends this after my "Outburst" on the weekend:

Quote:

r u busy kathrin??? hellooooooooooo

I decide to give him a slap for not being there when I was. Plus I'm trying to make the ditz seem Needy. I sent him this:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

I have been extremely busy getting my tickets together to meet you in Germany. It's hard, because I live in a very remote part of New south Wales and I have to use a satellite connection just to get online. To be honest I have no idea how it works, except I spend a LOT of money on it and it works when it wants to.

I planning to be in Frankfurt by the middle of next week and of course you will be too, won't you schnucki? I would be devastated if you were not there to meet me. Just the thought of you not being online when I am fills me with dread and makes me cry so much.

You wouldn't let me down would you mein liebling?

Needy enough??? Wink

edit to add his reply (if he's true to form, the first of many):

Quote:

i will never let u down my love.. will u??

The Ditz is getting needier. She sends this back, bolding is mine:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

It is so good to hear from you. When you weren't online on the weekend I had such a case of "Ich fast gähnte" (Which according to Google translate is "I almost yawned")! I cried for hours and hours and eventually cried myself to sleep. The first time the satellite was working properly and you weren't there to share my fun and my friends who all want to know more about you schnucki

When do you arrive in Germany? I want to make sure that I will be there to meet you when you arrive. Have you booked your tickets yet? 1st class? Business class? Will you be travelling on the Eurostar? or will you be flying across?

I can't wait for us to finally meet. The thought of us makes me so happy I could shit!

Let me know exactly when you arrive

God I hope he starts to squirm soon Wink

His response:

Quote:

i told u huni already i have some works to be completed and had to be settled down in this week... once it is done, i will start my trip to u there... u know every minute and every second of each day, my mind feels for u and looks for u around... i am in so much love wit u... i will show my love to u in our bed wen we meet there..

Time to up the Ante:

Quote:

Mein leibling

You don't understand. I need to when and soon! If I am to be there when you are I have to book my tickets in the very near future. If I leave it too late I will not be able to join you in Germany

If that were to happen life would not be worth living

A thought popped into my head (Which is scary in itself). Should I consider seeing if I can scare him away from the neediness of the ditz??? I have ideas but they're not pretty! In the meantime, lad sends this back:

Quote:

i will tell u when i will depart from here on this friday... bcos i have to finish all the formalities by next week... so iwait for me until this friday for me... k?? once done, i will tell u the date wen i will depart from here on friday

You know as I look at this, I relaise he has no idea about things like capital letters. I don't think I've seen a single Capital letter in the whole time I've been writing to this dweeb. I'm having so much fun winding him up I send him this: Rolling Eyes

Quote:

My dear Mikey

I'm sorry but Friday is too late. According to the woman at the Virgin booking Agents I phoned I have to book NOW if I am to be there next week. it's not like London to Germany, I am flying from Sydney Australia to Frankfurt International Airport. It will take me two days on several different planes.

According to Virgin I have to book immediately if I am to be guaranteed a seat. Get back to me, I need this

He sends this. Lazy f***er, a woman has needs: Wink

Quote:

watever decision u make, i accept that... k.. i will join u soon as per ur wish... k??

NOT good enough! Time for a serious slap:

Quote:

What I wish Michael is to be there when you arrive.

I strongly feel you are avoiding the issue, you certainly seem unwilling to commit. You're starting to sound like my Ex Husband Nick! He couldn't commit to anything either, then he left me for another MAN! Arschloch!!!

Why is it that men just cannot seem to commit to anything? Especially something as simple as relocating to another country? I did it why can't you?

They say they'll do one thing and then never do it. If you love me like you say you do, then you'll give me the information I need to meet you in Germany. I mean, seriously it's a five hour train from London to Germany

You're not lying to me when you say you're in London are you???

I'd hate to have to go "Mr Man" on his arse... He sends this back, I sense he just doesn't understand what's going on: Twisted Evil

Quote:

i am in London huni... k... i will be there wit u this week.. k??

Screw it, let's up the Ante. Warning possible Language warning (depending on how well Google translate worked):

Quote:

Michael,

What I need to know (and you do not seem to/do not want to understand) is that if I am to be there when you arrive I have to book my tickets immediately! A vague "sometime this week" simply isn't good enough! It is going to take me up to 48 hours to join you and if I miss a connection due to your vagueness, I would be beside myself with grief and out of pocket trying to get the connections to be there when you say you will.

I am starting to realise now that you may not be in love with me as you say. A man who cannot commit to something as simple as telling me when they will travel 400 miles to meet me when I will be travelling over 12 THOUSAND miles to meet you shows me you are unwilling to commit to this relationship!

VERDAMMT MÄNNER!!! They're all just the same! I think I will go have a lie down and cry...

I LOVE being the Ditz. He's starting to twig he's screwing up, but he STILL can only write a single line. Maybe I should slap him for it: Cool

Quote:

no plss no.... i love u so much

And then this:

Quote:

u know i am an orphan here.. no family for me.. i havent been happy in my life... wen u came into my life, i felt happy and felt i have got a new relationship that will be wit me forever... i need that in all my life

WELL, if he can send a crappy Sob story, so can I!!! Lifting ideas from one of my fave films (The amazing musical, "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"), I send him this back. Oh yeah, rude words:

Quote:

Michael,

What I am asking for isn't difficult and you are seriously avoiding the issue. Why can't you give the times and dates of your arrivals? Once you do that I will send you mine and we can put this our first quarrel behind us.

I do not care if you are an orphan, as I am one also. I wasn't born into the Schicklegrubers, I was adopted. I grew up in Communist East Germany and was not afforded many of the luxuries you take for granted. The Berlin wall was put up about six years before I was born and the house I grew up in looked out over the barbed wire wall which was mined with land mines that separated east from west.

The Sowjetische Besatzungszone as it was known back then did not allow me to look for my West German Born parents, and to escape Communist rule I married Nick, who was already twice my age and fled to West Germany, three weeks before Germany was re-unified. I left everyone I know for him, that fat bloated sack of shit and for what? Yalbraith!

It was Nick's idea for me to give up my modelling and move to Australia, where I no little about the culture the language and the people, even after all these years. Yalbraith is a very lonely spot and sometimes I will not see people for days.

And now he's left me for his homosexual lover. How do I know he didn't catch a disease???

He finally gives in:

Quote:

k... i will be there to meet u on saturday 4pm... k??

I send this back. Am already jigging up a fake boarding pass. Now we ALL know there isn't enough time for him to travel from Mumbai where he actually is to Germany (though a guy can dream), I can't wait to tear him a new arsehole when he doesn't show:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

That wasn't so hard was it schnucki? I will start ringing around and see if it is not too late to join you there

After he sends another boring "I love u" note, I couldn't leave it alone. Seems Adolf Hitler's dad has connections with the airlines:

Quote:

My dear Mikey,

What airline are you travelling on? I'd forgotten that Alois has connections with certain airlines (He used to work for Lufthansa until he got RSI). we might be able to get you a discount or upgraded.

Am on the phone to United Arab emirates airlines as I type

Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:16 am

He sends this, it's pretty boring. But then so are ALL his emails:

Quote:

k... i will update u all the details once i get my flight for it... k?? plss be patient until that

I send this back. Hopefully a big enough spanner:

Quote:

My dear Mikey

My darling Niece Sabrina suggested you scan and send me a copy of your flight itinerary. I don't actually know what she means by that, but it sounds like a good idea. You will do that for me won't you schatzi???

Seems not:

Quote:

my love watever u take as a decision i will obey u... i will update it to u soon here.. k?? i love u so much...

Since the 1st spanner didn't do diddly, I throw a 2nd spanner into the works. Under the heading of "why hang out with THAT old crone when you can have me???" Sabrina send him this:

Quote:

Mikey,

Hey babe, you don't know me (yet), but I'm Sabrina, Kathrin's Niece. I've been helping her out with her computer stuff (she really IS a stupid bitch sometimes0, and I have to say I think you're hot!

So how about you dump her and hook up with me! Let's face it I'm younger prettier and smarter than that old cow will ever be. And I'm MUCH better in bed! You think she'll be hot in the sack? Just wait 'till you try me babe, you'll think that woman is so frigid you'll mistake her for your refrigerator after you've had me.

I've attached a nice pic of me, taken fairly recently, I have much better ones for you to wank over later on

'Brina

Let's see if THAT gets him all hot and bothered. Seems it did: Shocked

Quote:

send me all pics that u have wit u now... i wanna see all pics of urs now....

Maybe it's time to re-enter the Todger club: Wink

Quote:

Babe,

Happy to so, but I want to see what you've got to offer so to speak. I'll send a topless shot of me I did for Picture magazine a months back if you'll send me a naked shot of yourself! If I'm gonna fuck you senseless, I wanna see how big the ride is!

Deal?

'Brina

and

Quote:

Don't be shy babe, send me what I ask for (I'm getting pretty horny, and a naked photo of your hot self would just the thing to get me off) and the towel comes off

'Brina

In the meantime, I decide to change Spanner sizes

Quote:

Babe,

Seems you don't have the balls to show me your package. So tell you what, have a think about it before you finally agree to what I ask. It'd be TERRIBLE if Kathrin found out wouldn't it. I expect the pic in tomorrow's inbox at the latest.

After all you write back to the wicked witch of the west in 5 seconds flat, how hard can it be to get your kit off for a babe like me?

Sabrina

Can't wait for kathrin to find out Wink

So much for love Rolling Eyes

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:13 am

Seems he's not scared of sabrina. I get three emails, NONE with pics:

1)

Quote:

sabrina do u have anyother pics of being naked without a towel in ur body too??? i wanna need it huni...

2)

Quote:

can u add me at "[email protected]" and "[email protected]"? i will be online for u... send me a friend request in both of my email id's

Yeah, like THAT'S gonna happen Rolling Eyes

3)

Quote:

i am mikey james here.. accept my friend request here. now...

Arrogant shit! Sabrina sends this back (LANGUAGE WARNING!):

Quote:

Babe,

I'm not accepting anything until you send me the pic I asked for. you look good in the Photo you sent the bitch, but I want to see you the way you were born, butt naked. Fair's fair Mikey, if I am to send you my pics you have to send me yours.

And I only do gmail. Yahell is full of fucktards and dirty old men

Sabrina

He writes back with this:

Quote:

huni... dont be in too nuch hurry... u know i will come earlier before a day ur sister reaches ur home.... at that day, wat r ur plans wit me huni??

So naturally Sabrina is offended. LANGUAGE WARNING:

Quote:

My SISTER???? Fuck off, she's my AUNT you dick! And she's hundreds of miles from my home at Sydney University.

Babe let's put it this way. I've sent you twp pics of me so far and you sent none. that tells me you are a lazy sack of shit. A HOT sack of shit, but lazy none the less.

If your dick is as big as I think it is, I plan to ride like a horse until I break you. That's what I do to ALL the guys I fuck

'Brina

I love using her to vent! In the meantime, Mikey sends this back: Wink

Quote:

sabi... tell me sabi.. wen u want me to come to u... ur sister wants me to come home earlier... if i come like tht, she will be mine and always be wit me forever... and i cannot do anything wit u a anytime too... so wats ur plan for me now??

Sabrina isn't happy about being called Kathrin's sister. Need I point out the language warning again? oh wait, I just did: Wink

Quote:

You're NOT listening to me are you??? The wicked witch of the west is NOT my sister, I don't HAVE a sister, I am an only child.

My plans are to find out if you are worth fucking or not! If you are, I'll dump my boyfriend Ivan for you. If you're not, I'll keep Ivan, while he's as dumb as a box of rocks, he at least is great in bed. Are you?

Take a photo of cock and send it to me. I wanna see what I'm planning on spending a whole day sucking like a lollipop!

'Brina

ETA: The guy did it, I've REJOINED the "Todger Club"!!!

Quote:

do u like mine huni????

Sabrina of course is "meh":

Quote:

Babe,

You're okay but I've had bigger! Now babe whereabouts in Sydney are you? do I come to you or you cum to me???

'Brina

Lad is very hot and bothered: puke

Quote:

i am not in sydney now... i am in UK now... i will come to u there and lets have sweet nights together... can i see ur boobs, ur dick and ur pussy here now?? will u show me that now for me huni??? plsss

I send him two topless shots of 80's popstar Sabrina Salerno:

Quote:

Babe,

Here you go. Enjoy having a wank

'Brina

Lad likes:

Quote:

sabi darling.. i cant wait to be wit u... my cock looks for u for every second... i love u so much sabi... ride me always my love...

I can't WAIT for the Ditz to find out!!! Wink

Laddo is gonna travel next week (Yeah riiiiigghht!):

Quote:

i will be there next week sabi... is that only once u will fuck me ah??? i need u forever sabi.. will u be wit me forever??

Sabrina can't wait:

Quote:

Ring me when you get here. <fake phone number supplied>

I will love you until your dick falls off!

'Brina

Then she'll find someone else! I also love how he's completely forgotten about the Ditz. That said, he's definitely a bit dim. For the THIRD time today, he calls the Ditz Sabrina's sister: Wink

Quote:

sabi... do u love me much than ur sister?? will u be wit me forever??

Time to chew him a new asshole!:

Quote:

FOR FUCK'S SAKE MIKEY!!! Get it into your head the the wicked BITCH of the west is NOT my sister! She's my AUNT, she's TWICE my age and six times as ugly!!!

I'll NEVER be that fucking old hag's sister, NEVER!

I think he's asked sabrina to marry him:

Quote:

if u r ready to be wit me forever, i will marry u... will u be wit me forever???

Sabrina has to think about it:

Quote:

Marriage??? At 20??? You'd have to be a REALLY good root for me to marry you. Let's have sex first and talk about it after I find out how good in the sack you are.

If you're good in bed, maybe. If not then it's all over red rover!

'Brina

he'd better be good in bed then. For the FOURTH time today, and several chewing outs, he called Kathrin her sister again Wink

Quote:

if u r ready to be wit me forever, i will marry u... will u be wit me forever???

Seems it's an issue for Sabrina:

Quote:

Mikey,

Listen and listen good! you keep calling that fucking bitch my sister and I will DUMP you! that fucking old hag is 43, not a young and sexy 20 like me.

Call Kathrin my sister one m,ore time and you're GONE!

Sabrina

he promises he won't:

Quote:

k... i wont.. i love u so much sabi

Ain't love grand??? Rolling Eyes

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:05 am

So, 22 emails later, it's time to add another spanner! Turns out Sabrina actually ENJOYS being a vindictive bitch! She taunts Kathrin with Lad's naked pic... As usual, LANGUAGE WARNING:

Quote:

Kathrin,

I've stolen your man from you, and I fucking love it! I got what you could never get, a picture of his dick.
He loves me and not you. NO-ONE could love you, you're a worthless old crone!
when he gets here I'm gonna fuck his brains out film it and post it on youtube under "kathrin is a old unfuckable bitch"!

I win, you LOSE!

'Brina

Kathrin is mortified:

Quote:

Michael

Is this true?

I can't believe what I'm seeing here! Oh mein Gott, I was going to marry you and that 20 year old whore steals you from me. this is not the first time she's gone after my man, it is the first time she's been successful!

I never want to see you again, I'm off to cry a bit

whiney bitch Wink

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:04 am

Laddo has an explanation:

Quote:

kathrin... am not a fool to show my naked to ur sister.. she started playing wit me early here.. and i too played wit her... that photo was not mine... she wants me to fuck her and not to live wit her... wen u told me early about ur sister tht will email me and try to change my mind for her, i was expecting her mail here.. tht stupid bitch started her play wit me... thts y me too played wit her and made her believe that she won... huni.. i told u already i am looking for real love and not for sex alone... try to understand me.. k?? if she thinks tht she won, let her think like tht... r u a fool to think in such a sense?? how can i be wit her wen i will be wit u soon??? just understand that.. k??? get back to me soon here... again i tell u tht man in this pic is not me.... to make her believe its me, i just got it from internet.. thts all... find tht pic in internet...

WOW, that's the longest email he ever sent!

Master Baiter Joined: 11 Oct 2010 Posts: 139

Smooth talker Laughing

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:36 am

Since Laddo has painted himself into a corner, let's add to the paint scheme:

Quote:

Michael,

I do not understand. You say that you are "playing" with Sabrina, yet you say the same things to me as well. Are you playing with my feelings as well??? It certainly seems like it! And for the record, Sabrina is not my sister, she's my niece, my sister's daughter! I have no children, one of the few regrets I have in this life

I will seriously have to rethink our relationship. Right now, it certainly isn't based on trust

Let's see what he makes of that

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:34 pm

I get this in my yahoo chat offline messages:

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii
i am sorry huniiiiii

there MIGHT have been more i's, yahell wouldn't let me copy and paste

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:18 am

he's starting to twig he's fucked up:

Quote:

my love, i dont wanna hurt u anytime my love... i never wanna play wit ur feelings too... if i had done that wit u, i never would have loved u so much in my life.... i am not the one who is looking only for sex in u... but i am feeling of our real love that lasts wit us forever... that stupid bitch looks at me only for satisfying wit her in sex... thats y i showed her who i am.... i am sorry love if i had hurt u so much.. i really love u so much

I'll tell him why, something like this Wink

Quote:

Michael,

You do not understand. Sabrina and I have been fighting like this since she tried to steal Nick from me when she was 14. I do not understand why she is acting like this but has been going on for a long time and now you have entered into the squabble.

(Sabrina can be SUCH a bitch sometimes). He responds with this:

Quote:

i have not fallen into her trap huni... but she believes that i have fallen into her trap... i never will u leave u alone and go wit her for sex.. u know i told u already sex is not life.. but love makes real life for us... i feel we have several bonds wit us in our past life.. thts y we have been united here... u r my life huni... i love u so much.. i know u too love me... right??

Of course this bald middle aged man loves you. I get this as well: Rolling Eyes

Quote:

i havent received ur mails now.. wat happened huni??

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:31 pm

Laddo wants me... AWWW DIDDUMS: Wink

Quote:

i am living all this life for u kathrin... if u too leave me alone, then i will be an orphan again huni.... i dont wanna need that again for me.... i need u always... i wanna have a good family wit u forever huni....

I'll figure out some other way of tearing him a new asshole

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