Oink, oink - oh look it's so qute! - boring, slapping and..

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Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 6:05 pm

I must admit that this is a borderline case. Should I educate lad and get
account or should I not educate lad and not get an account? Unfortunately
I decided to do the first because I got so excited (too).

This was my first bank account got so I was excited.

On a one bleak morning I got this.

Quote:

Return-Path: <[email protected]>
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Welcome to Air Charter Service
Air Charter Service Plc,
Brentham House, 45C High Street,
Hampton Wick Kingston, Surrey, KT1 4DG
+44 -7011163446
ACS LONDON HEAD OFFICE.

Job Information/enquiry about air charter vacancies In London
Job opportunities with Air Charter Service

Air Charter Service is one of the world’s leading Charter Brokerage Houses, with an excellent reputation for supplying a fast and professional service to a growing roster of clients. We are enjoying sustained double digit growth. This growth is fuelled by the energy and buzz created by young, highly trained, enthusiastic teams of professional charter brokers.Current job opportunities:

POSITION: TRAINEE CARGO BROKER

LOCATION: KINGSTON-UPON-THAMES, UK. JOB POSTED: 2007..

DESCRIPTION: Our cargo charter department (based in Kingston-upon-Thames) is now looking to recruit a trainee broker. This is a demanding yet rewarding career which involves substantial overseas travel. We are particularly interested in candidates who have command of a European language, fluency in German would be an advantage.
Our salary structure and commission package is generally regarded as the best in the industry.

ACS training is comprehensive and thorough and includes classroom as well as traditional “on the job” training. The ideal candidate will bring a degree, some sales experience and a passion for aviation to the table alongside a positive, outgoing and confident personality. All applicants must have the right to live and work in the UK.Please submit your CV and your international passport number to
send via E-mail address
[email protected]

Luckily I had some experience and I was (am?) also quite fluent in Germany. Actually me character is (Danke schön.).

Quote:

From: My character
To: "AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K" <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, 3 Aug 2010

Dear Thanks management,

you had an opening as a trainee cargo broker. I would like to hear more
about this position because although I am fluent in German because of
my exhange student years in Germany (Guten tag!) I am just conserned
that how much physical labour the job position would include?

I am a bit fragile bodied women so heavy lifting is not for me. I have
the brain though to work even in the toughest jobs.

I was offered a visa to UK regardless of where I live.

Quote:

Return-Path: <[email protected]>
From: "AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K" <[email protected]>
Subject: Air Charter Application Form11
To: [email protected]
ATTN,

Please find attachment for your OVERSEAS APPLCANTS BIO-DATA FORM. You should print it out then make copies available to your group if any, then fill it and send it to the U.k Immigration. Office. Information. co . uk Travel Agency london with the below email address:

For Process of your Uk visa code number for you or your group ; you can take to UK EMBASSY in your country and receive Uk visa with out any Question from UK Embassy .Best Regards,

John Scrase Administrative Manager.

WE HAVE RECIEVED THE C. V SEND TO THE HOTEL AND I WILL QUICKLY ADVICE YOU TO FORWARD THE FORM THAT YOU HAVEJUST SEND TO ME NOW TO THE U.K IMMIGRATION SERVICES WITH THIS EMAIL CONTACT For more information on phishing click here.FOR THE PROCESSING OF YOUR VISA PROCESING NOW OKAY . I WILL ALSO CONTACT THEM AND GET THEM INFORMED THAT YOU HAVECONTACTED US AND WE HAVE ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT THEM NOW . TRY TO DO AS I ADVICE YOU NOW AND GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS YOU CONTACT THEM. DONT FORGET TO SEND THEM THE FILL FORM THAT YOU SEND TO ME

MANAGER

If even contained this nice application form

Well on we go in breaking the script:

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K" <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, 3 Aug 2010 10:29 AM (6 days 22 hours ago)
Dear sir,

do I really need a visa to travel? I though that US and UK has a visa
agreement so people can travel from country to country. The language
is even the same in USA and in united kingdom (English).

Customer service is not surpriced but got back to me with a new email

Quote:

On Tue, 03 Aug 2010 11:45 -0700, "AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K"
[email protected]> wrote:

Dear applicant
Regard your question yes you do not need visa {Why where you then trying to push UK visa to me??} to come to UK
in other to make it simple can you scan your traveling Passport, and your
Information to UK Home Office Immigration to enable them send your
travel document. Below E-mail: [email protected]
Hope to see you soon
Johnny Look

I hate my character for being this compliant and replying to wrong address. Well
I'll try to make it up by providing my "information".

Quote:

From: From: "character" <[email protected]>
To:"AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K" <[email protected]>
Date: Wed, 4 Aug 2010 8:39 AM (6 days ago)
Dear sir,

I am sorry but I am not able to scan my passport because I have not
traveled in a while and I have thrown my old passport away. I should
really get a new one.{Later later...}I need to borrow
some money to get enough for a new one. They are quite expensive you
know. That's why I would require this opening position so importantly.

Name:
- mycharacter
Age:
- 19
Nationality:
- Swedish
Current location:
- US, Ontario
Work experience:
- 2008 - Summer - Local elderly home - Helping to excercise old people
- 2009 - Winter - Exchange student in Germany - Housing a tourist
information booth

Right after this mail my character realizes that information has to be
sent to uk.office. I must admit that actually I realized that I posted the
answer to a wrong address.

Quote:

From: "AIR CHARTER COMPANY P.L.C LONDON U.K"
<[email protected]>
To: "character" <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 02:35:00
Subject: Re: Air Charter Application Form11

OK kindly send your information to immigration to enable them arrange
your travel document Contact below e-mail:
[email protected]

This office replies to my character with this informing not how to get a visa which
I don't need but how to get the flight tickets which I apparently need. It might be
that the homeoffice is somekind of collector email address where smaller lads forward the
"big fish".

Quote:

From: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
To:"character" <[email protected]>
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 10:13 AM

UK.HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION We
have Acknowledged your UK Travel Document, the
original copy was submitted to us at this dept office this morning early from London Entry Clearance office board of dept office, We have in position of your flight
ticket from Mr. Johnny Look. all your visa requirements including your
traveling ticket coupon at our dept office, be informing that the a duplicate of the your flight coupon will be sending to our High Commission Office Embassy in USA Washington DC .while the original coupon of your flight ticket & traveling Document
will be sending to through
UK diplomatic parcel as soon we confirm your diplomatic parcel bill
payment at our UK Immigration office at moment from today.official
deadline for reaching us with your diplomatic parcel bill payment.amount £400GBP pounds. send the money to our office now . the parcel will send to UK High Commission in
British Embassy-Washington DC

Address: 3100 Massachusetts Avenue NW

Washington DC 20008 And send one to your address USA you can take it to UK embassy to show is your owner.Below are following you will find in the diplomatic parcel billing receiver money. you have to send to London before the
parcel will send out to you to USA. THE RECEIVER NAME. Dr. John Reid
THE RECEIVER ADDRESS.Home Office
Direct Communications Unit
2 Marsham Street
London
SW1P
4DFDESTINATION ...UK The Payment must be effect through Thanks DON M BROWN.
{Some unnecessery "information" cut off.}

Sometimes dash of stupidy gets you far.

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 10:43 AM

Dear sir,

could you please clarify. I am not so familiar with these arrangements.
Do you mean that I have to have a diplomate to transfer the money via
a bank to you or what??? I didn't think that this is so complicated.
For the other business opportunity which I attended in the internet was
done with direct bank transfer.

Eagerly waiting for you reply,
yours truly,
Character

The boys at the office are happy to elaborate. And here is the point where
I kind of screw up maybe or then they screw up. Don't know or no one screws up.

Quote:

From:"UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
To: "character" <[email protected]>
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 6:12 PM

You don't need to be a diplomat to make transfer or send money to our office.
We hereby bring to your notice that we do receive direct bank transfer into
our bank account, but this will take a period of twenty one (21) days before
your payment will reflect in our office here in UK. This is due to the fact
that our bank transfer transactions are been compile once every twenty one
(21) days . We therefore strongly advise you to send the money to our office
through western union transfer, because of the urgency of the parcel. Your
parcel has been desalinated to leave from our office on 10th August 2010,
any delay of your parcel here in our office after 10th August 2010, will attract
additional charges of 20 pounds per day. if you choose to use bank transfer
then, you should consider paying for the additional charges for twenty one
(21) due to bank delay.

PAYMENT OPTIONS FOR CHARGES FEES

WESTERN UNION
£400GBP.
Note; this take same day to reach our office, no addition delay charges.

BANK WIRE
14days by £20GBP = £280GBP additional charges for bank delay
you have to transfer real charges = £400GBP + £280GBP additional charges
total to be transfer to our account will be £680GBP.
Note; additional charges required read above instructions carefully

Bank Transfer
21days by £20GBP = £420GBP additional charges for Bank delay
you have to transfer real charges = £400GBP + £420GBP additional charges
total to be transfer to our account will be £820GBP.
Note; additional charges required read above instructions carefully

DR. M BROWN

Well if someone is dangling my first piggy right before my eyes of course
my character will go for it. I actually didn't even read the whole email
above but just picked up that there is a possibility for bank transfer.

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2010 12:16 AM

Dear Sir,

regarding the payment method. Even there is quite a significant handling
fee with the bank transfer I need to select that option. If would much more
expensive for me to locate a western union office.

Eagerly waiting for you reply,
yours truly,
Character

But then things get ugly (as they allways do). Oh do I see dark clouds in the
horizon and problems arising with the bank money transfer? Yes I do. They are
trying Western Union me. This is not acceptable.

Quote:

From: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
To: "character" <[email protected]>
Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2010 8:37 AM

Here are some western union agent location in ontario,if you can find any of these locations close to you, then give us a specific location were you are in ontario, We promise to help you locate an agent very close to you. we are only helping you to do this, due to the fact that your parcel has been destinated to leave our office here in UK 10th August 2010.

once you have effect the payment then, forward to our office the details of your payment. So that we can proceed with the shipment of your parcel.

Dr. M. Brown

I tried to pick a location where the Western Union office would be at least
few hundred miles/kilometers away. I was planning to be located in Ontario
Canada but I claimed to be in US. Rookie mistake I suppose. One has to keep
the whole story together.
Next my character just needs to air her frustration about the situation and
put a bit guilt over to lads character. Maybe a minor head bump via suspecting
the lad to be a liar.

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]> [Add]
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2010 8:40 AM

Dear Sir,

this is now very confusing. I understood that there is not problem with
this payment as you told me in an earlier mail that bank transfer is one option
**************************
>
> Bank Transfer
>
> 21days by £20GBP = £420GBP additional charges for Bank delay
>
> you have to transfer real charges = £400GBP + £420GBP additional charges
>
> total to be transfer to our account will be £820GBP.
> Note; additional charges required read above instructions carefully
>
>
> DR. M BROWN.
**************************

Are you a liar? How can I trust you?
{But this I know already. I can trust that you are a liar.}

Next the joy.

Quote:

From: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
To: "character" <[email protected]>
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2010 12:20 PM

We do respect Madam is true we gave you all the option on how to make the payment in earlier stage. is quirt {Yes I will be quirting all over you soon.}unfortunately we found error. i would like if you will accept our
apologies and do as we instructed you. well i would like to let you know that your parcel has more 48hrs to leave.kindly reply this message to enable us know what to do next with your parcel if you have no interest over it.
Dr. M . Brown

"Eater university:
- When a lad makes a mistake make him accountable and demand that the bosses / who ever
is fired and punished".
So when they make a mistake I have to of course push that button somewhat.

I somehow felt that I had a bit of a grip to these lads so I dared to take
a bit of risk here.

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]> [Add]
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 9:07 AM

Dear Sir,

I don't think that I am going to deal with you any further. If you are
so incompetent that you can handle simple business transaction like this
I will take my money elsewhere.

After the below mail I could have answered "stip naked, take photos of your self and
sing 'I am a lumber jack and I am OK'" but I didn't. Maybe that would have been a bit
too far this early Very Happy

.

Quote:

From: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]>
To: "character" <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 9:52 AM

Dear Applicant what do you want? do you want the parcel to be council?

I think you need to contact your nearest counsel.

Now when they are asking "what they can do?" I know that there is some leverage
which I can use.

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]> [Add]
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 10:09 AM

Dear sir,

I offered to pay you by bank transfer and said that it is not possible
even you first say that it is possible. You are incompetent and I don't
want to have anything to do with you incompetent person.

Good day to you sir.

And the reply was more than I hoped for. Oink Oink!

Quote:

From: "character" <[email protected]>
To: "UNITED HOME OFFICE IMMIGRATION" <[email protected]> [Add]
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 5:27 AM

We are sorry for any inconveniences, there's an error with our online bank, for us to satisfy your need, we have reach with our Asia Coordinator.
ACCOUNT NAME--- ....
BANK NAME -- CIMB.
ACCOUNT NUMBER --- ..
SWIFT CODE -- ...
BANK ADDRESS ---2468 JALAN ... MALAYSIA.

Awaiting for your Responds

Dr.M. Brown

"Alan you got mail". Reported. Now if I only remembered what to add to the signature...

Fixed blowout - Branwen

Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:00 pm

Brilliant! I love your commentary too; it made me laugh!

So did this:

Quote:

Work experience:
- 2008 - Summer - Local elderly home - Helping to excercise old people

Oh, and your well-deserved piggy: click on 'Profile' at the top of the webpage; then 'Edit Profile' on the left-hand side. Scroll down to the signature box, and enter (or copy and paste) the contents of this code box:

Code:

:$_lad:

Click 'Submit' at the bottom of that page, and your piggy will be installed.

And may it be the first of many!

Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:51 pm

Yes - elderly people need a lot of help Shocked

Thank you for the piggy tip.

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