My First Bait: Home A-Loan

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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 6:39 am

Well, here's my first bait. I'm going to split it into several parts due to its length. This is part 1.

David A. Bone Productions presents Home A-Loan
or
The Case of the Missing Ditty
A Comedy in One Act

The Players
David Bone, a small town guy, not too bright, can get mean when crossed
Ralph Kramden, Dave's brother in law. Still wondering how he ended up in this family.
Mrs. Syndi Roaz, hapless loan officer

All names have been changed to protect the guilty.

As the curtain rises, poor David is having some money troubles. When suddenly, up pops this enticing email in his inbox:

from joeblow <[email protected]>
to
date Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 11:37 AM
subject Do you need a loan to pay off your bills?
Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. (No kidding!)

Do you need a loan to pay off your bills?
if yes then email us [email protected]
with the following information: THANKS
1.Full Name:
2.Sex:
3.Age:
4.Phone:
5.Country:
6.Loan Amount needed:
7.Duration Period:V

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Dave figures what the heck. After all, this seems like a reputable lender, no? But rather than his own phone number, he supplies that of a phone spammer.

from David Bone <[email protected]>
to "joeblow" <[email protected]>
date Fri, Jun 11, 2010 at 7:45 PM
subject Re: Do you need a loan to pay off your bills?

Yes I could sure use a loan. Please respond as fast as possible.

On Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 11:37 AM, Joe Blow <[email protected]> wrote:
Do you need a loan to pay off your bills?
if yes then email us [email protected]
with the following information: THANKS
1.Full Name: David A. Bone
2.Sex: M
3.Age: 46
4.Phone: 866-227-1453
Country:USA
6.Loan Amount needed: $250,000
7.Duration Period:V 10 years

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All right! Dave's loan is approved! No credit check, no id request or anything. Didn't try calling that number either I guess. Syndi simply believes I can be trusted. Oh yeah. Boilerplate included in its entirely but you can safely skip over it.

From Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Sat, Jun 12, 2010 at 2:30 AM
subject LOAN AGREEMENT/CONDITIONS IF YOU AGREE WITH IT SO GET BACK IMMEDIATELY......

LOAN TERMS AND CONDITIONS/REPAYMENT PLAN
SYNDI ROAZ FINANCIAL LOAN COMPANY
Motto:Your Financial Problem Is Our Target
GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSED!!
UNDER THE DATA PROTECTION ACT OF:
Ref: EA-ASL/651OYI/02/LN-NGR
SSL: 12/25/0034
Registration (Z720622X)
No:+234-8073-195-672
============================== ============================== ==
Hello David A. Bone,
Your mail was received and the content was well noted, i will be able to lend you the loan. The terms of the Amount which you requested as a loan is listed bellow, I am giving out this loan amount to you with the duration of 10years and i believe you can be trusted.
You have come to the right place were you can get your loan fast and easy, I am a God fearing woman and i hope you are a legitimate borrower,I want you to be faithful and truthful in this transaction, So that we can have a good business relationship ahead, I can be able to offer you the loan of sum $250,000.00USD
I have stated the terms of the loan below for you to see and tell me if you are in agreement with the loan terms and condition or not.
LOAN COMPUTATION TERMS
*Requested Amount: $250,000.00USD
*Loan rate:3%.
*Duration of 10years (120Months).
*Monthly Payment:$2,414.00USD
*Interest at the end of the term: $39,682.00USD
*Total payment at the end of term: $289,682.00USD
Your Required Banking information's.
Name of Account Holder:
Bank Name:
Bank Account Number:
Bank Address:
Routing Number Or Swift Code:
These are the terms above, if you are in agreement with the terms and ready to proceed, i want you to get back to me with your personal information's and your banking details so that your loan will be prepared for immediate Transfer to take place.
I will forward your loan to the Money Laundering Monitoring Council, for the approval of the loan, and also send the Loan to the insurance company so that the loan can be insured immediately.
The insurance charges is going to be paid by me the lender. If all things being equal, this loan will be insured and Approved before the next 30minutes for transfer. meanwhile you are also require to send your banking information if you agree to the terms and conditions.
I Mrs Syndi Roaz do take the responsibility of paying the insurance charges for any legitimate borrower, and not the beneficiary of the loan in order to have a smooth transaction and a better business relation ahead.
I will send my Attorney to the insurance company, to go and insure the loan now. If you Agree to the Terms of the loan i want you to get back to me as soon as possible,and make sure you send your personal information's and your banking information.As soon as you receive your loan you will be informed on how to make the Monthly repayment.
Note:if you are in agreement to the terms we urgent you to get back to us asap .
We hope to hear a swift response from you. P:S: After you have emailed your information to us ,You should endeavor to check your email 2-3 times in a day to read updates from us. Thank you and we look forward to working with you!
Response needed ASAP.
Thanks
Mrs. Syndi Roaz
============================== =======================
Warning from SYNDI ROAZ FINANCIAL LOAN COMPANY. (S.R.F.L.C) The information contained in this email transmission is confidential and for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use, disclosure, dissemination, distribution (other than to the recipient), copying or taking any action because of this information is strictly prohibited
============================== =
FAS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2010
© Copyright 1987 Oceanic Network Limited. All Rights Reserved.
Design by www.syndiroazhosting

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Well that was easy. Too easy. Let's try to negotiate the payment down.

from David Bone <[email protected]>
to Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
date Sat, Jun 12, 2010 at 5:05 PM
subject Re: LOAN AGREEMENT/CONDITIONS IF YOU AGREE WITH IT SO GET BACK IMMEDIATELY......

Hi Syndi, thanks for getting back to me so fast. I'm delighted that you were able to approve my loan so quickly. Unfortunately, I did not realize that the monthly payment would be so high. Is there some way to modify the loan to get a lower payment? I can see that you are a good Christian, but I really can't afford $4,214 per month. I really need this money soon. Thanks.

Mr. David Bone

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dave doesn't like being pressured. Time to complain a little.

Date: Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:07:38 -0400
Subject: Re: Transfer Update ::::::::(Act Fast Immediately Okay)....Get Back To Me Now...
From: [email protected]
To: syndiroaz @hotmail.com
Syndi - it's Sunday today. Everything is closed. Can you wait til tomorrow?
Sincerely,
Your friend,
David

(This is an excerpt of an email from Syndi he's replying to - I can't seem to find the full original - oh well)

On Sun, Jun 13, 2010 at 4:24 PM, Syndi Roaz <[email protected]> wrote:
...
So act fast in this very payment done today ok

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't think Syndi even bothered reading that. She's just sitting there in the Internet cafe tapping her feet impatiently waiting for the golden MTCN.

from Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 10:58 AM
subject RE: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
Good Day,
I just want to remind you that the transferring bank in charge of your loan are still waiting for your to come up with the payment now because you promise to make the payment today so do not fail and i am waiting to receive the payment information from you now so that your loan can be transfer to your account on time.
Kindly get back to me now so that we can proceed further.
Thanks for your understanding.
Mrs Syndi Roaz.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Monday rolls around. The bank's open. Time to raise up her hopes.

From David Bone <[email protected]>
To Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
date Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 11:38 AM
subject Re: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
OK, Syndi. Today is Monday, so I'll be going to the bank today to withdraw the cash as soon as I send this email. I'll let you know as soon as I've got it. Don't worry. I've got to get this loan.
David

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Literally just 8 minutes later, back comes a reply!

From Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 11:45 AM
subject RE: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
(all set in bold) I receive your message and i will be waiting for you to act fast in make the payment today and send me all the payment informations.
Thanks for your understanding in this transaction.
Mrs Syndi Roaz.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, poor Syndi. Time to let her know that haste makes waste.
from David Bone <[email protected]>
to Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
date Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 11:57 AM
subject Re: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
Hi Syndi. I was just on my way out the door to go to the bank when I heard the beep that said I had new mail so I came back to check it. I found it was your email. Please allow me to put your mind at rest. I'm headed right over there. Don't worry - they're open til 4. OK, gotta run. I'll get back to you.
David

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh no! The bank failed! Poor Syndi. Looks like nobody's getting paid today.
Time to introduce Dave's smarter brother in law, Ralph Kramden.

From David Bone <[email protected]>
to Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
date Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 4:55 PM
subject Re: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
Hi Syndi. Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but I have some bad news. When I got to the bank this afternoon, there was a big padlock on the door and all the lights were off inside. It seems that the Arcola Homestead Savings Bank has failed. Those bastards stole everyone's money and now no one can access their accounts. Supposedly the money is insured by the government but it may be weeks before they mail out any payments to the depositors.
However, don't worry. I will call my brother-in-law Ralph, and explain the situation to him. He is a nice man and a good Christian and I'm sure he will lend me the money to send to you. Please give me just one more day to get this mess straightened out.
David

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah! Finally, we're starting to get some off-script action. The bank are very angry at me - oh dear!

from Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Tue, Jun 15, 2010 at 3:52 AM
subject RE: Transfer Update :::::Your Urgent Respond Are Needed Now...
(all in bold) Hello David,
I receive your email and the content was well understood by me so i want you to know that why all this things are happening and the transferring bank in charge of your loan transfer are very angry for you and i will advice you to not fail to come up with the payment today soon as you have the money just try your possible best to send the payment today so that your loan can be transfer to your account on time without any delay because you are the only one that is putting delay in this transaction okay.
Thanks for your understanding in this transaction.
Mrs Syndi Roaz.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ralph writes to Syndi, telling her what an idiot his brother in law is. The idea here is to have him set some (unspecified) conditions on poor Dave that he's going to have to execute to get his money, thus dragging out the whole process.

from Ralph Kramden <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Tue, Jun 15, 2010 at 1:16 PM
subject David Bone Loan
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Ms. Roaz,
Good day, my name is Ralph Kramden. I understand that my brother-in-law, Mr. David Bone, has applied for a loan from your company. He came to me yesterday begging for money with some story about his bank being closed down. Ms. Roaz, I have to warn you, David Bone is an idiot. He would buy the Brooklyn Bridge if the terms looked good enough. He ought to change his name to "BoneHEAD". It's no wonder he needs $250,000. I told that fool in no uncertain terms that I would help him with the cash but only if he met a certain set of conditions first.
Now I'm expecting an important client in my office shortly so I will let that moron tell you himself. I'm sure he won't waste any time. He's stupid but sincere. Good luck dealing with him.

Ralph Kramden, CPA

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Syndi verifies that Dave applied for a loan and tries to lean on Ralph.

from Syndi <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Tue, Jun 15, 2010 at 3:12 PM
subject RE: David Bone Loan

Thanks for your email and i receive your message and the content was well understood by me so i want you to know that Mr. David Bone real apply a loan from my company and i ask him to go and come up with only the transfer payment before we can proceed on this transaction because without the transfer fee there is no way he can get his loan from my company and if i may ask? Are you willing to help him or not .

So i want you to try and help him out if he real need this loan.
Hope to hear from you soon.
In God We Trust.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just 14 minutes later, Syndi send me a gift I could only dream of. Obviously a bit lacking in the fine art of diplomacy, she actually forwards all of Ralph's nasty comments to her about Dave right BACK TO DAVE! I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw this. Forget spinning out Ralph's "conditions". We're going in a whole new direction now!

from Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Tue, Jun 15, 2010 at 3:26 PM
subject FW: David Bone Loan

Below are the emails i receive from your brother Ralph Kramden so how there you,or are to not serous in getting your loan any more ?
Just get back to me now and let me know what and what is happening over there.
Thanks for your understanding in this transaction.
Mrs Syndi Roaz.

(following section is Ralph's original email to Syndi, included here because I still can't believe it)

Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:16:26 -0400
Subject: David Bone Loan
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dear Ms. Roaz,
Good day, my name is Ralph Kramden. I understand that my brother-in-law, Mr. David Bone, has applied for a loan from your company. He came to me yesterday begging for money with some story about his bank being closed down. Ms. Roaz, I have to warn you, David Bone is an idiot. He would buy the Brooklyn Bridge if the terms looked good enough. He ought to change his name to "BoneHEAD". It's no wonder he needs $250,000. I told that fool in no uncertain terms that I would help him with the cash but only if he met a certain set of conditions first.

Now I'm expecting an important client in my office shortly so I will let that moron tell you himself. I'm sure he won't waste any time. He's stupid but sincere. Good luck dealing with him.

Ralph Kramden, CPA

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh man, Dave just found out what RK really thinks of him and he's completely incensed. I'm afraid he's gone postal. No telling what he's going to do now. I sense trouble ahead.

From David Bone <[email protected]>
to Syndi Roaz <[email protected]>
date Tue, Jun 15, 2010 at 8:17 PM
Oh, so I'm an idiot, huh? I'm a moron, eh? I should change my name to Bonehead, huh? Well, I'll show him who the bonehead is! I'm going to take my last $500 in cash, buy me a used AK-47, a 20 round clip, find that lying bastard Kramden, and plug him full of holes. How do you like that? Just who the hell does he think he is bad-mouthing me to a total stranger like that! And don't try to stop me either. If you call the police, I'll come after you next!

I'm really steamed! I'm totally pissed off, let me tell you! I'll show that lying son of a bitch who the real idiot is! Thanks for letting me know what he really thinks of me.

Yours truly,
David (the avenger) Bone

-------

Poor Syndi. That idiot Dave's going to use the 500 bucks he was going to send her to buy a gun instead. If only she hadn't committed this faux pas, that money could have been hers.

END PART I
To be continued...

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