Why do all the stupid lads come to me?

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Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 6:46 am

Classic just arrived:

Quote:

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and if it might offend you without your prior consent and writing through this channel. I am Hun. M0hammed G. D@mb@b@ (any relation to Atilla, I wonder?) Chairman,Contract Awarding Committee of the Economic Development Community of all Ecowas Regions in Africa. Before going into my proposal to you, I wish to first of all at this first stage torch the most interesting and important part (burning down the house) of this proposal which I believe it will interest you to hear also, that we conclusively agreed with the African financial Controller and the ECOBANK central Governor that all fees/charges of all overdue contactors payments will be fully deducted from their contract funds. So you are 100% guaranteed that there will be no upfront payment of any fees at all in this transaction by you until the successful end of the funds transfer into your nominated bank account.

Based on the fees deductions agreement with the Finance Ministries all overdue contracts payment will be made through ECOBANK correspondent Bank in Asian that is authorized to for deductions fees from all beneficiaries contract sum at the bank (clear now?). Now to the deal, I and my two other colleagues are willing to transfer the total sum of USD152.M (One Hundred and Fifty two Million United States Dollars only (that's all?).) into your personal or company`s bank account if you are willing and capable of handling the deal with us.

As it may interest you to know, This fund was a residue of the over invoiced contract bills awarded by us for the supply of ammunitions, hard/soft ware’s, pharmaceuticals/medical item ,lightened heavy duty vehicles (as opposed to the heavy heavy duty vehicles), appeals (uh?) and other administrative logistics etc for the ECOMOG in Sierria-Leone, Liberia,Guinea Bissau, Zaire/Congo in the Central African Republic during their Peace Keeping Projects.

This deal was deliberately hatched out and carefully protected with all the attendant lope holes sealed off (Damn lope holes. You never know what's going to come out of them). As the top officials of (C.A.C), we have the cooperation and mandate of the ECOWAS communities Financial Controller West Africa , and the Secretary of our Organization. We arranged and over invoiced the contract funds (guess those lope holes weren't that well sealed) supplied by different companies from different countries during the crisis.

It was our consensus to seek the assistance of a willing foreigner to provide us with the facilities to transfer this money out of Africa. This is borne out of our belief in the non-stable and spurious political nature of this sub-region (a phrase to love and treasure). However you must note that all the original contractors have been duly paid by the (ECOWAS) through the same ECOBANK correspondent bank in Asian. This balance is suspended in the escrow accounts awaiting claims by any foreign company of our choice. We intend to pay out
this fund NOW as the organization has winded its activities (I'd be winded, too, after all those activities) and peace been retuned (I hate out of tune peace, don't you?) into the countries which means the coast has been achieved (yeah, sure. whatever.).

>>> snip of standard business arrangements - 30 me, 70 them, etc. <<<<<

REPLY ASAP.
With regards.
Hun. M0h@mmed G. D@mb@b@.

One of the bargain basement scripts here, I think.

419Eater is my life Joined: 04 Jul 2009 Posts: 277

The guy who wrote this script could rival the great Peter Chimaera. He should start writing bad fanfiction. He could sell it to English speakers as comedy and make a living doing that, instead of scamming.

Master Baiter Joined: 23 Apr 2010 Posts: 160

I'd love one of those. My first bait, and I'm stuck with a lad who takes himself too seriously.. can't really have fun with the guy at all, he's soooo slow..

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:55 am

Quote:

As the top officials of (C.A.C), we have the cooperation and mandate of the ECOWAS

Sounded like he made these acronyms up, but actually

CAC - Corporate affairs Commission in Nigeria, regulates the formation and management of companies.

ECOWAS - Economic Community of West African states , promotes trade and co-operation and self-reliance in West Africa.

But I think they should stand for.

CAC - corrupt and clique

ECOWAS - every corrupt organisation was African surely

Smile

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:22 am

Those scripts are almost as funny to read as the joke ones.
The lads who really love to show off their English skills by writing really long-winded letters with as many long words as they can possibly cram in. But the grammar and/or spelling still sucks.

Can always make up a few long words of your own to expand his vocabulary Wink

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:28 am

Talking of the joke ones - this is one I composed for a friend who despises the whole MBA thing as much as I do, and who enjoys 100% free risky-free letters from West Africa:

Quote:

I write to in utmost confidentiality regarding this master, in the sincerest hope and understanding of your forgiveness and utmost comprehension and compassion.

I would like to introduce myself. Am Dr Professor Harbuckle Edward JAMES by name and Dean of West Dakota School of Business Studies and Nostril Hygiene in the Unted State of America. Recently I was looking around some old flies, when your name, estemmed friend, was discovered on one of same. I have discovered that you are in rightful possession of a MBA which is belonging to you as a 100% risky-free investment for your future. For many this will act as international passport for fame fortune and instant success with women which permit celery increase for up to over 354% per anum. For MBA as is wellknown to all is most precious and valuable letter.

To claim your MBA, please make immediate payment of $4500 thousand US dollars by Westen Union to:

NAME.......: MR MKWALE MARTINS
CITY.... LAGOS, NIGERIA
QUESTION.....: WHO TO TRUST?
ANSWER...THE LORD

When transaction is made, please inform me at earlist chance of MTCN. The payment of $4500 dollars will be for the certificate and registration of same as well as delivery by diplomat to your doorpost at home or office. Once again I ask your favors in keeping ABSOLUTELEY CONFIDENCE until the MBA is delivered.

With sincere
Doctor Professor Engineer Harbuckle Edward KAMES
Dane, West Dakota Schoo

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:31 am

technomancer found a new species and didn't even know it Wink

The Show Off (Bigshotus technomanceria): Lads who really love to show off their English skills by writing really long-winded letters with as many long words as they can possibly cram in. But the grammar and/or spelling still sucks.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 May 2010 Posts: 24

Technomancer wrote:

Can always make up a few long words of your own to expand his vocabulary Wink

I did that just recently. I told my lad I'm sure out transaction was "most cromulent" and would "embiggen" both of us. (Which are both jokes stolen from The Simpsons.) Interestingly enough, the lad said the next email he would work towards the most cromulent transaction possible. the funyn thing is, I wasn't trying to get him to parrot it back to me, I just wanted to see if he'd notice they weren't real words.

So if anyone ever gets a lad calling things cromulent... that's because of me. heh.